A Mess of Titanic Porportion

Plains, trees, and a soothing spring wind. Probably one of the only grass parks in the crystal empire, and we are laying down, staring at the sky. Goddamnit mason, why couldn't you be a chick... I'm lonely. "Damnit, why is there no Internet here!" Mason grunted. Wow, what a remark. I'm getting worried for mason, he hasn't been the same since that incident. My brain once more tried to start up the perverted side, and failed. "Hey, mason... Pudding."

"Canada." So that didn't work, lets try again.

"Shitty America" I kind of miss it now, that backfired.

"Muffins." His tone hasn't shifted from its deadpan, there might be something really wrong.

"...Moldy Balls." He didn't react. Thinking back to yesterday. He was so exited, but as time went on, he kind of became, like this; about halfway through the line, he excused himself and didn't come back.  I sat up, "Well, I'm off to annex the Gryphons. See ya"

He didn't move.

When I made it to the train station, I heard a little bell go off, and felt myself growing again. Crap, I can't fit in the train now, oh well. I began to fly, following the train tracks, until I got to the Equestrian border and was stopped by some Pegasus guard.

"This is a no fly zone. I need to see your passport, and ask you to walk while here." I can't believe he had the balls to stop me, I'm 16 times his size.

"Foreign diplomat" He raised his eyebrow.

"Even diplomats need a kind of passport" He waved his hoof.

"Crystal Empire. I just need to pass through, then I'll be out of your hair." He glared at me.

"I'm going to need to report this, don't move." He sped off. A few minutes later, he returned, "Yea, you still need the passport. The Crystal Empire doesn't have power here."

"Well, it would take time to verify it, so could I use a temporary passport?"

"No, but I can give you a slip and deny it." This is starting to remind me of the airport.

"Really, your supposed to put ALL your items on the rack, AND not bat away the guy doing the metal detection."

"Its not my fault, they could have found my grenades."

"OH SHIT! HE HAS GRENADES!"

"Look what you did now, mason."

"How long would it take to verify my passport?"

"Several months, I'd say."

"Look, just point me towards the Gryphon lands, and I'll go around."

"West, passed the ocean. Well, its more of a really big lake, but still."

"Thanks, can I get your name and rank?"

"No" Well fuck you too. I did a sharp turn and headed in the proper directional. And, might I say, flying over a body of water doesn't exactly give you a lot of courage.

Do you want me to enchant your boots with waterwalking?"

"Nah, I'm fine"

Fuck! After several hours of flying, and getting lost, I finally made it to the capital of the Gryphon Lands, Griffonstone.  And it was a dump! No, it looks like it hasn't had a ruler in over 200 years. No, it makes Detroit look clean, Detroit. No, I'd rather swim in a dumpster... Well, maybe that's too far. I landed in a large clearing, and it seemed the gryphons didn't even care. How to properly do this...

"So, they just care about money?"

"Yep"

"And that's all?"

"Well, there is also some treasure lost in the abyss, they basically worship that, just keep watching."

"This show is stupid."

Treasure in the abyss, sounds like my luck. I think I recall an abyss on my way here. Quickly making my way down to the crack, I flew in, and the wind still managed to buffer me. I flew around for several minutes before I found it. It was a shiny thing across from a skull. Convenient. Taking extra care not to crush it, I flew back to the clearing in griffonstone, held it high above my head, turned on my megaphone, and yelled, "I CAN HELP YOU MAKE BITS! AND ALSO, LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE ABYSS!" Every head turned to me, and flew up to look at the idol. Personal space. "I came to open Trade, and diplomatic relationships. and bring you into the empire. WHO IS WITH ME!" Great, now I feel like Palpatine. Suddenly, a gryphon made of a vulture and a panther flew up to me, and shouted to the crowd.

"He has the Boreas! We can be one again!" At that moment, the light of the sun shone through the idol, and illuminated me.