The Fumble

Captain Spyglass stopped just before he stepped in a puddle, staring off along the street of Trottingham he was trotting down. His brow furrowed lightly as Patch looked over to him, raising his own eyebrow. “Err... Captain? Why’d you stop?”

“Not sure... but my eye feels like twitching.” Spyglass shook his head, sighing lightly before spreading his wings, taking to the air over the puddle so he could avoid the contents. “Well, that just means Eye’s off doing something dumb, therefore keeping him out of the way.”

“Are you sure it isn’t because he found the Broker before us?” Patch took flight as well, gliding along beside Spyglass as they worked to avoid the waste-stricken street altogether. The city was just as the captain remembered it; covered in waste, filled with waste, and run by waste. He could feel the dirty eyes of soldiers slacking off on their patrols, making him thankful for coming out in more casual garb, rather than his full captain’s outfit. The last thing he needed was a horde of corrupt troopers coming to him for their next pay day.

Spyglass shook his head, scoffing. “Honestly, Patch, he is more well-hidden than most graves in this city.” An involuntary shudder went through him as he flew along.

Patch narrowed his eyes at Spyglass, pupils shrinking in slowly realizing terror. “I really hope you didn’t just imply what I thought you did.”

“Not at all!” Spyglass shook his head, before narrowing his eyes slightly as he turned right down an alleyway. The stench down that path was even worse than the main street, with several homeless ponies trying to stay warm by pulling their stain-riddled coats closer over them. The gusts drawn up by the two pirates’ wings didn’t help matters, blowing refuse along the road as Spyglass kept his eyes forward. “As I said, he’s hidden better than that.”

Patch sighed lightly, looking sidelong at his captain. “I will take your word for it, sir...” But I swear if he’s hiding out in a refuse pile, I’m turning tail and heading back to the ship.

“Trust me, it’s the perfect hiding place.” Spyglass gave Patch his prize-winning grin, before looking on down the alley and swerving out of the way of a tall dumpster.

Somehow, that grin just made Patch more suspicious.

“And here we are!”

Where they were was the edge of Trottingham, near the Eastern end of the city, with the sound of waves crashing on the shore far off to the right of them. The ground looked like the festering birthplace of every disease known to ponykind, Patch keeping himself in the air and far away from the brown, green, blue, and sometimes mold-white residue on the dirt. Spyglass merely trotted along beside him, weaving around certain piles and through others, heading towards a secluded building attached to a collapsed warehouse.

Patch just furrowed his brow lightly at the sight of the stocky little structure, looking barely large enough to house a group of thirty, let alone hide one of Trottingham’s prominent criminal figures. “Are you certain this is the place, sir?”

“I am, Mr. Patch, and before you ask, no, the gas you smell is not poisonous beyond having copious amounts of methane in it.” Spyglass kept that smile on his face as he moved along, soon reaching one of the two doors on the building. The door had a symbol of a pony on it, colored blue, and surrounded by a blue square. The door to its right, bearing the symbol of a pink mare surrounded by a pink square, had a simple sign on it saying ‘OUT OF ORDER’ and a small lock on the handle. He pushed the left door open, hinges squealing in annoyance, and proceeded on inside.

For the fifth time since they’d exited the central part of the city, Patch checked behind himself, adjusting his eye patch so he could get a better look with both eyes. Somebody’s following us... but who? They haven’t done anything since they started. He narrowed his eyes before proceeding on through the door being held open by Spyglass, landing down beside him.

His eyes just narrowed harder as he inspected his new surroundings, the door squealing as it closed. “Oh dear Princess, he hides out in a bathroom?”

Spyglass blinked at that, looking over to his compatriot. “What? No, just came here to make a quick detour.” He scoffed and trotted towards one of the unused stalls, Patch watching him go with a furrowed brow.

“We came all the way to the edge of the city so you could relieve yourself?”

“Of course!” Spyglass pushed the stall door open, moving in out of sight. “A pegasus like myself cannot attend a meeting when his bladder’s full.”

“That had better be because you have a weak constitution, sir. Isn’t this a meeting we should attend post-haste?” Patch took a step forward, immediately regretting it as something squished under his hoof. “As in now, sir?”

“Just a moment!” Spyglass sung out, sighing quietly as a liquid starting hitting the water in the toilet. He started humming a quiet tune as Patch grimaced, gnashing his teeth together as he made his way towards the sinks.

The counter was covered in a strange, brown rust, and the whole room permeated with an even more powerful stench than the streets of Trottingham. Standing liquid could be seen in puddles all over the floor, the sinks had green gunk all over them, and when Patch switched on the tap, it sputtered out dark brown liquid before water started coming out. He just let his hoof hover under the stream, cleaning off whatever it was that he stepped in as he looked back to the stall Spyglass walked into.

“Right then! All done.” Spyglass nodded, opening the door behind him and pulling the long chain on the toilet, starting up the flush. Only, instead of flushing, the water gurgled and sputtered, the toilet starting to vibrate. “...Oh dear, it appears to be backed up.”

Patch instinctively backed out of the toilet’s line of fire as it started to shake and sputter loudly, going wide-eyed as he flailed the refuse off his hoof. “Er, Captain, I think it might explode...”

“Give it a moment.” Spyglass hummed quietly as he watched the toilet, a geyser suddenly springing up out of it. “There it goes.” He nodded as the geyser spilled all the water out of the toilet, and soon coughed its last, the reservoir having emptied.

Then, the wall started to rumble, before turning inwards, revealing a hidden path. “Perfect.”

Patch just leaned in at the door to the stall, looking around before staring at the hidden path. “...You’re joking.”

“That whole show is to scare ponies away. Who wants to be near an exploding toilet, after all? Especially in this city. Come.” Spyglass smirked and proceeded on through the doorway, Patch taking a moment before following along. Once he’d passed through the doorway, the wall rumbled and moved back into place, the toilet filling back up with water.

Leaving everything just as it was before.

It was a short walk before the two reached the edge of the mares’ bathroom, finding a stairwell leading down into the ground. Spyglass started his way down as Patch examined the surprisingly clean bathroom, noting the spotless walls and floor, the sparkling sinks, and even the cleaned toilets. The air also had a certain ‘spring breeze’ scent to it, and he spent a few moments dragging as much of the clean air into his nose as he could. “Seems I was right then.” It’s certainly a sight better than the previous one, though.

“He doesn’t hide in a bathroom, Mr. Patch.” Spyglass looked back at his companion as he reached the bottom of the stairs, before looking on into the room. Patch soon followed, looking to where his captain was staring, widening his eyes slightly.

At the eight armed pegasi, weapons drawn, all surrounding a grey-cloaked pony sitting at a table.

The pony and Spyglass both shared a smile as the captain moved up towards the table, showing all the confidence of an old friend returning home. “He hides under one.”

The pony chuckled, speaking in a raspy tone as he brought his hooves up in front of his face, steepling them. “Spyglass, my old friend. Good t’ see you again.” His voice carried the higher accent of a noblestallion from Canterlot, though the bulk of his voice sounded like it was ravaged by some raging addiction. Spyglass sat down across the table from the Broker, not bothering to look at the armored pegasi surrounding the table. Patch slowly made his way over to Spyglass’ side, looking to each pegasus in turn.

Well, I suppose I should have expected a few bodyguards. He found himself frowning gently as the eight stared him down.

“Stay your weapons, boys. They aren’t here to start anything.” The Broker smiled at his two guests as his bodyguards backed down, relaxing their stances. The blades mounted on their forelegs didn’t seem quite as threatening, now. “So, what does the illustrious Captain of the Farsight Pirates want with an old cutpurse like me?” He cackled at his own joke.

“It should be clear if I visited in the first place, Sir Broker. A trade is what I want.”

“The usual, then?” The Broker’s eyes gleamed with anticipation.

Spyglass nodded, smiling lightly. “One piece of information from me, one from you.” He smiled wider as the Broker cracked a grin, though his weathered teeth were hidden from sight behind his hooves.

“Sounds good to me... though it better be something I don’t already know. So, old shipmate, what do you have for me this time?”

“A message that we decoded, actually. It was hidden inside the treasure room of a battleship that we’d captured.”

“Huh... not bad, not bad. What’d the note say?” The Broker raised his eyebrow slightly, frowning.

“‘The Eclipse comes for the Sun. Alert our brothers in Trottingham.’ That is what we decoded... I’ve not been told the cipher used to encrypt it, just that it was easy to crack.” Spyglass’ smile faded into a business-like frown. “But I am assured the message is correct.”

“‘The Eclipse comes for the Sun.’ Heh, now ain’t that ominous?” The Broker sighed, tapping his hooftips together. “Tell me, Captain, whadya think that means?”

“The keywords being ‘Eclipse’, ‘Sun’, and ‘brothers’... sounds to me like an assassination is brewing.” Spyglass’ brow furrowed. “And there’s only one pony in Equestria who’s been regarded as even close to the Sun. I can hardly believe anypony would ever be foolhardy enough to target her, though.”

“My thoughts exactly,” The Broker scoffed, reaching off to the side. “Pass me the paper.”

One of the guards nodded, shifting out of formation and heading off to the side of the room. He checked in one of the piles of paper on the desk there, fishing through it before retrieving a clean piece of parchment, and he made his way back over to the Broker, handing it to him. “Here you are, sir.”

The Broker nodded and placed the paper down on the table, steepling his hooves again. “This is something we intercepted three days ago. Picked it up off a messenger weaving through Trottingham, guy had a cloak on which bore a symbol I recognized. It was the marker of a lunar eclipse.”

“Strange...” Spyglass looked down to the paper, examining the writing on it. The Broker turned the paper around, so he could read it properly.

“No, no, that? That ain’t strange.” The Broker’s smile returned.“The strange bit is what’s on it.”

WPG OUOQRCW ZQNV EDSG SLV UQFW ZPGX LKM UEF GIYXK DB UKTOM DVSQK, WXVHZPOSWP YRWUM CXGWPGB DHIFOJ IINVK.

The page just had the two lines, though they didn’t make any coherent words from what Spyglass could tell, his brow furrowing harder as he tried to read it. His attempts came up short, however. “It’s... encrypted?”

“That’s what we figure. But look at this here.” The Broker reached down and tapped the symbol at the bottom, showing two circles. The one at the top sat behind the one below it, nearly eclipsed by it, with the circle at the front bearing a picture of a black alicorn’s head. “Same one as the cloak the messenger wore. Downright treasonous, that. Did yours have the same symbol?”

“Hard to say, the note was torn in half...” The captain sighed, sweeping a hoof back through his mane. “...Think they’re related?”

“Only one way to find out. How long ago did you grab the battleship?”

“Three days—” Spyglass stopped, eyes widening as he looked up to the Broker, just getting a light smirk from his friend. “This wasn’t sent from the same ship, was it?”

“As I said, only one way to find out. Decrypt it, find out what it says.” The Broker shrugged, closing his eyes. “That’s our trade, though. One piece of info, for one piece of info.”

“And if it doesn’t help...?” Spyglass raised his eyebrow, staring at the criminal.

“I know that look on your face.” The Broker didn’t even open his eyes, smiling. “You’ll be back if you’ve got a problem, and we’ll do the trade all over again. But if it does lead you somewhere... well, I’ve never been much of a seer.” He opened his eyes, staring into Spyglass’. “But I figure you’re gonna be racing towards trouble.”

“The warning’s appreciated, friend.” Spyglass nodded, taking the note and stowing it away in his pocket as he stood up. “I pray I won’t be returning.”

“You will, that much is a given.” The Broker grinned again, chuckling. “Just pray it’s in a few months, not a few hours.”

“Actually... just in case I am back in a few hours, I’d like to make another trade.”

The Broker raised his eyebrow, his grin suddenly vanishing as Spyglass got a very coy smile of his own. “...I’m thinking I’m gonna regret this, from that look on your face.”

“Nonsense! Merely a trade, information for a... service.” Spyglass nodded, smiling at the Broker. The concerned look on the old stallion’s face was starting to spread all over the room, the pegasus guards, then Patch all sharing the same look as they stared at the captain. “I’d like to trade your new piece of information, if I return, for a shared employment of a crewmate of mine.”

“Oooookay... who is this pony that you’re trying to push off onto my payroll?” The Broker chuckled.

“His name is Eye Lash—”

“No.”

Spyglass blinked. “Why not?”

The Broker just closed his eyes. “Why not? Look, I know. You know that I know, and I know that you know that I know. I know him.”

“...And?”

The Broker just opened his eyes, raising his brow. “I need to say more?”

“Well I would like a rea—”

Spyglass was cut off as a massive crash rocketed through the earth, sending a minor quake through the Broker’s office.

“By reason of divine providence ending this meeting.” The Broker nodded towards the stairs, before waving to Spyglass. “Farewell, Captain. And if those messages are related... well, I like the Princess. Keep her alive, eh? And take care of yourself.”

Oh by the seven levels of Tartarus, Eye Lash!! Spyglass mentally roared as he spun around and raced off to the stairs, Patch quickly getting to his hooves and taking off as well. He skidded to a halt before looking back at the Broker, narrowing his eyes as he heard Spyglass burst out the door of the bathroom above.

The Broker simply smiled, pointing up towards the bathroom. “Hop to, kid, your captain’s gonna leave you behind.”

With that, Patch just sighed and followed after Spyglass, relegating the unspoken question to his thoughts. Psychopath or not, how did Eye Lash’s reputation spread here so quickly?

He deemed it a good idea not to ponder the answer.

The two pegasi took to the sky right after exiting the bathroom, streaming off towards a gigantic column of smoke reaching up towards the sky. Spyglass gritted his teeth brutally hard as he hissed to himself, looking down as he saw numerous ponies all getting the same idea he did and began heading towards the disaster. “I am going to strangle Lash for this.”

“I know this seems naive on my part, but it may not be him this time around, Captain.” Patch glanced over to Spyglass before focusing on ahead, both of them making quick time towards the smoke column. “All he’s got are his guns, how could he tear down an entire structure?”

“You’ve served with Mr. Lash as long as I have, Mr. Patch. Attempting to make sense of his capabilities is the only thing a pony can do that makes no sense, when he’s involved.” Spyglass frowned, diving down towards the source of the smoke. He swerved around it, weaving around another tall building beside it before he reached the street, and his jaw started to drop.

There, standing amidst the debris and detritus, a unicorn pushed a shattered wooden crossbeam off his side, staring at one of the fallen walls. The unicorn turned and walked towards the doorframe of the destroyed building, pushing the door there open and walking through, before the frame fell backwards onto the ground. “Justice has been served.”

Spyglass sputtered slightly before streaking down to the sidewalk, landing a distance away from the unicorn. “Is that you, Mr. Jam?” Patch soon landed beside Spyglass, both of them moving up to him and checking the unicorn over for wounds.

“Yes, and I’m fine, Captain. I suggest you make your way towards the ship, however.” Jam looked up the street, towards the slowly growing crowd, picking out a few armored members of the group starting to push their way through. “Right now.”

Spyglass paid one look towards the crowd before groaning, a grimace on his face. “Oh, bollocks... fine, we run now, you explain this later!” He gave Jam a quick jab in the chest at that, before taking off down the street. “Haul arse, you two! Right now!”

“Right, sir!” Patch shouted, paying a glance to Jam before taking off down the street. Jam was close to follow, speeding along before he caught up with Patch and fell in line with him and the Captain. “Jam, where’s Eye Lash?”

“Back at the ship!” Jam panted, his breathing strained and heavy as he sprinted down the street, weaving around piles of refuse as shouts started to pick up from up the street. Ponies leaped out of the way of the sprinting trio, everyone in too much shock from the recent chaos to really do anything to stop them.

Further down the road, Spyglass spied a group of troopers flying through the air, carrying a large net full of ponies. All deceased, with matching holes straight through each of their heads.

Celestia’s Wings, what happened while I was with the Broker? Spyglass found himself unable to speak at the sight. It was hardly the most gruesome thing he’d ever seen, nor the most bloody. Not even the most terrifying.

But it was certainly the most efficient. He felt his blood run cold for a moment before a shout broke his focus, nearly causing him to trip right into a pile of brown muck on the road.

“Get those bastards!”

Patch looked behind him, taking stock of the situation behind the trio, before looking back to Spyglass. “Eight guards, in pursuit, sir! Heavy armor!”

“They’ll hardly be able to keep up then! Keep moving, we’ll get the crew ready to undock as soon as we’re on board!” Spyglass shouted back, keeping his eyes forward. “The guards will give up once we’re out of reach!”

“What about Vex and Velvet?” Patch asked, furrowing his brow lightly.

“If they aren’t on board, we can send Eye Lash back to find them.”

Jam leered at Spyglass, raising his voice. “You can’t possibly be serious, Captain! You’re talking about abandoning a nine year old filly in the middle of Trottingham, and sending the most mentally unstable ponty on the crew out to find her!”

Spyglass winced at the outburst, and nearly flew into a pedestrian while thinking of a response. “Fine, fine! We’ll make a round trip if they aren’t on board, and retrieve them once the guards give up!” He sighed as the docks came into view, picking up his pace, practically sliding down the street with the momentum he’d built up. Not like we could get one of the ships moving without Miss Vex anyways...

Soon, they’d arrived at the dock, all three taking a flying leap up onto the deck of the Iris. Spyglass had barely gotten time to skid to a halt before finding Eye Lash at the center of the deck, two new beings at his sides.

“Ah, Captain, about time you got back!” Eye grinned and wrapped his forelegs around the necks of Leila and Smooth Talk, hugging them close. “I—”

“Not now, Mr. Lash, I’ve work to do!” Spyglass rushed past the three and rushed up the steps towards the wheel, spinning around and grabbing hold. “Attention crew, we’re being pursued by the local guard! I want us away from dock as soon as possible! Bring up the anchor, pump up the gas bags, get us in the air right bloody now!”

Nobody took any time to question the order, suddenly rushing into action as they all prepped the ship for undocking. Four ponies went below deck and started to raise the anchor while two went below Spyglass’ little bridge, starting up the pump for the gas bag. The Tomcat and Vexation also started to move, Velvet standing on the deck of the battleship while the remains of Spyglass’ crew shifted the Tomcat into movement.

Just as the guards started coming down the street towards the docks, the Iris’ gasbag inflated completely, and it lifted up towards the air, the Vexation and Tomcat following suit, much to the dismay of the soldiers down below. As they all skidded to a halt at the dock, the three ships soon rose up out of reach, engines roaring to life to push them on forward and away from Trottingham’s airspace.

“Ahhhh, bollocks...” The lead soldier hissed, before sighing and shaking his head. “Alright, everybody back t’ yer posts.” He turned and started back up the street, brow furrowed. “Anyone asks, the ships were stolen from the pirates.”

“Aye, sir...” The other soldiers mumbled before falling in step behind their leader, eyes turned up towards the three retreating vessels.

Spyglass sat pretty at the wheel, sighing with glee at the record-time escape his crew had made. “Much better... alright, not stressed anymore, no more need to shout at anybody. Mr. Lash, you had something to say, yes?”

He leaned forward over the wheel and looked down at the deck towards Eye Lash, the stallion pouting after being shoved off so impolitely. “Well, as I was going to say!” He gestured towards the filly and kangaroo at his sides, soon finding his smile again. “I got you two new crewmates!”

Spyglass blinked, staring at the two beings. He then raised his head a little bit and looked behind him, realizing that Trottingham was quickly becoming a tiny island in his view. His head turned back around, staring down at Eye Lash’s wide and very happy grin, Patch inspecting the new crewmates suspiciously while Space Jam looked worried.

Spyglass, finally, just let out a cry of defeat and fell onto his back. Ohhh, to Tartarus with all of this...