Chapters In the Hall of Princesses, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and her friends, shivered as Discord's laugh echoed off the walls.
"What do you reckon he meant?" Applejack asked the others. "Twists and turns and ending back where we started?"
Twilight Sparkle's face contorted as she thought. "Twists and turns... twists and turns... twists and turns!" Her face lit up as she looked outside. "That's it! I bet Discord hid the Elements in the palace labyrinth!"
There was little Princess Celestia could do to help. No longer connected to the Elements of Harmony, she was powerless to stop Discord. She wished Twilight Sparkle and her friends luck and they ran off, leaving her alone in the Hall.
Celestia lamented. She didn't even think of Discord's magic when she cast her protective wards over the chamber from which he had stolen the Elements. She had put him and that part of her past behind her, as surely as her fight with Nightmare Moon. But now was not the time to brood; now was a time for action.
Out the window, she saw the hedge maze shift and bend around the ponies that entered it. What if her student failed to get the Elements of Harmony? Celestia shivered as she mentally relived the dark times of the past. Her subjects running from giant triple-jointed rabbits, the sun and moon randomly rising and setting, and the nights (or was it days?) spent researching a way to defeat him.
The Tree of Harmony! She and Luna needed to return there if they were to save Equestria again. She galloped down the hall, threw open the doors with her magic, spread her wings, and took off.
She hadn't even left the Hall when suddenly a rope net appeared in front of her. She yelped as it wrapped around her, sending her tumbling to the ground where she rolled to a stop. Looking up, she saw none other than the Lord of Chaos himself, Discord.
"Hello, Princess Celestia," he said, smiling evily down at her. "Long time no see!"
Celestia got to her feet and released a ball of lavender energy, which disintegrated the net. She then stood tall and tried to look menacing. "What do you want, Discord?" she demanded.
"I just came to parlay!" He insisted innocently. "I figured it was the least I could do, since I'm attacking your kingdom and all." Celestia just glared at him.
"As we speak, your loyal subjects are running through my maze..." With a wave of his paw, he produced a crystal ball, which showed Pinkie Pie running through tall foliage.
"I'm having a lot of fun with them," he said as the view switched to a running horn-less Twilight Sparkle.
"Oh, nothing yet." The view changed to wing-less Fluttershy, backing up towards the view. "But it would be so easy for me to do more!"
Discord reached through the crystal with his talon and scratched Fluttershy, causing her to jump and run off. He retracted his claw and looked at stray yellow hairs that stuck to his nails before cleaning them with his breath.
"So here's my deal," he began, throwing the crystal ball over his shoulder, which shattered into pieces before disappearing. "I'll promise not to hurt any of your little ponies if you agree to be my personal plaything."
Celestia was taken aback. The thought of being his "plaything" was revolting, but she had sworn to protect the ponies of her kingdom, and Discord was surprisingly trustworthy when it came to his word. "What exactly do you have in mind?" she asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, well, just play some games with you of course! You do love games, don't you Princess? Or did your bureaucratic duties keep you from having any fun?"
"What kind of games?" she demanded.
"You know what I want," he said sinisterly.
Celestia knew. Though it was a thousand years ago, she remembered when Discord came to "parlay" back then. He offered to let her rule Equestria by his side as the Queen of Chaos. The catch was, she would have to share his bed, the way a King and Queen would. Luna was also included on the deal; apparently, Discord didn't mind having multiple wives. They had outright refused, knowing they were the only ones that stood a chance to defeat Discord and save Equestria.
This time, though, Celestia had complete faith that her faithful student and her friends could find the Elements of Harmony. All that she needed to do was to distract Discord long enough for that to happen. And she was confident she could be very distracting.
"You promise not to hurt anyone else?" she asked sternly.
"Would I lie to you?" Discord smiled mischievously.
"Alright," she sighed with defeat, looking at the ground, trying to give him her best defeated pose. "I'll do what you want. I'll be your personal plaything"
"Wonderful!" Discord delighted, clapping his hands. A ball and chain suddenly appeared shackling itself to her ankle. "Wait right there, I have some things to take care of." With a snap, he disappeared.
"By Luna's moon!" Celestia cursed. She tugged at the chain with her leg and stared at the black ball of metal that held her captive. Discord must have enchanted it to be impossible to move. She concentrated on a spell and her horn glowed but then blinked out as the ball and chain glowed. She sighed, knowing full well Discord had also used a magic draining material to restrain her. It would be easy for anypony else to take it off, but she herself was powerless. She called out for help, but guessed correctly that no pony could hear her.
She sat down in the middle of the floor, wondering what everypony else was up to. The guards were on high alert, but things weren't so topsy turvy outside that they would think something was wrong. Twilight Sparkle and her friends were probably still searching the hedge maze while Discord no doubt hid the elements in some deliciously ironic location. Her sister, Princess Luna would probably be searching for her, if she weren't still asleep.
With nothing to do, Celestia stared out the window. Dark clouds spiraled over the labyrinth; something was going on out there, but she had no idea what it was. She was a prisoner now. It wasn't her first time, and it certainly wouldn't be her last. In fact, she thought it odd how often it was that princesses were held captive. Still she trusted Discord not to hurt any of the ponies, so her sacrifice would not be in vain.
She thought of the royal agenda that was made moot with her captivity. She was scheduled to negotiate the export taxes to the Griffin Empire, hold court over some domestic squabbles about a missing sheep, and attend a charity tea party hosted by the Canterlot Elite to help raise funds for cross-eyed ponies. She chuckled, morbidly admitting that she was actually doing more for her subjects now than she was before.
She became anxious. Where was Discord? She needed him to return so she could try again to distract him. When he was with her, she knew her kingdom was safe, but right now she feared for her subjects. She began to pace, waiting his return. She tried to cast a another spell to no avail.
She continued to wait for what felt like hours until at last the doors to the hall were flung open. In walked Discord with a self-satisfied grin. In his talon he held a chain that lead to a collar which was around Princess Luna's neck. As soon as the sisters saw each other, their mouths dropped.
"Discord!" they shouted in unison.
"You promised me that if I was your plaything you wouldn't hurt anypony else!" Celestia yelled.
"And I haven't hurt anypony," Discord defended, "yet."
"And thou hath promised me that if I wast thy slave, thou wouldn't let anypony starve!" Luna protested, still using the thousand year-old archaic grammar.
"And no pony is starving!" Discord pointed out the window at the chocolate rain. "In fact, thy subjects are well fed! I let them eat cake!"
The two captive princesses glared at him and he laughed maniacally. He gave a wicked grin and rubbed his lion paw against his talon. "And now for the fun part."
An hour later, Discord sat comfortably on an overstuffed brown couch, set up in place of the throne. On one side of the couch stood Princess Luna with a lampshade on her head, covering her face, still wearing the metallic collar with its chain hanging carelessly. Discord reached over and pulled on chain gently, but nothing happened.
"Ahem" he said, and pulled again.
"This is humiliating," Luna complained, rolling her eyes.
"That's odd, did you hear something, Princess?" he looked down at his side where Celestia was curled up on the couch. She glared at him incredulously, but said nothing. "I think this lamp is broken. Let me try one more time." He gave the chain another tug.
Princess Luna sighed. "Click!" she said, and her horn lit up with a light spell. It flickered a bit as Luna strained a bit to keep the metal from absorbing it.
"Oh good, the lamp does work!" Discord cheered.
"It would work better if thou would remove the collar," Luna offered.
"I do love these Chaos Chains!" Discord said to no one in particular. "It's a pity so few survived the destruction of the Crystal Empire."
"It sure is a pity," Celestia said sarcastically, looking down at her leg, which was still bound to the metal ball on the floor. "So what do you have planned, Discord, King of Chaos?"
"You don't have to be so formal, Celestia. "Your Majesty" works just fine. "my liege" is good too."
"So what do you have planned, "your majesty"?" Celestia corrected.
He reached over to Celestia and pet her gently, running his talon through her ever-waving hair. "Let's see what's on TV, shall we?"
Before Celestia could ask, Discord snapped his lion paw and an over-sized metal box appeared a few feet in front of them. He lifted his lower legs and tail and a table appeared under them as he reclined. To top it off, a bottle of cider appeared in his paw, which he casually drank from. Snapping his talon, the box's front flickered and showed various areas of Equestria in real time.
In Canterlot, upstanding socialite ponies were frantically running away from enchanted flying tea pots and tea cups. The view changed to Appleoosa, where a pink cowpony attempted to water a flower, only to have the water spat back in their face. Then the flower sprouted legs and walk away. It changed again to Shining Armor discussing with three guards their plan of action. In the middle of their chat, one of the guards fell over, revealing that it was in fact a cardboard cutout.
"There's never anything good on." Discord complained, stroking Celestia carelessly, ignoring her grimace. He snapped his talon again and this time the box showed Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Rarity walking out of a cave heading down the mountain. "Oh, this looks good!" Discord sat forward and watched eagerly. Luna lifted her head so she could see, and everyone watched the screen intently.
"I'm sure the trains will be up and running soon!" Applejack said loudly.
Twilight Sparkle grunted, carrying a large boulder on her back. "We just talked to the conductor! The trains are down because of all of the engine fuel turned into bubbles! They won't be up for the at least day!"
"I can't possibly wait that long!" Rarity exclaimed. "I need to get this diamond home now!"
"It's not even a diamond, Rarity!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "It's just a big rock!"
"You're just jealous!" Rarity accused. "It's mine! It's going to go in my room! Where none of you can ever look at it!"
"We'll all be so sad to see it go," Applejack said sarcastically.
Fluttershy suddenly darted under Twilight's hooves. She missed her step and fell forward, causing the boulder to fly forward. "Have a nice trip!" Fluttershy teased. "See you next fall!"
"That's not funny!" Pinkie Pie yelped.
The boulder started sliding down the mountain. "No, stop it, stop it!" Rarity used her magic to try to slow its descent. "A little help here?"
"You mean like this?" Fluttershy flew onto the rock, weighing it down more.
"I can help too!" Applejack said, and joining her atop it.
Pinkie Pie jumped up on to it too. "You're really dumb if you think this rock's worth anything."
"Ugh!" Twilight cried, and lifted the boulder with her magic, throwing all the ponies off. "Let's just get home and find the Elements of Harmony."
Discord let out a hearty laugh. "This is hilarious! Twilight Sparkle actually believes that her so-called "friends" will help her use the Elements of Harmony!"
Celestia and Luna exchanged worried glances. Their hopes of saving Equestria lay with Twilight and her friends, and they didn't seem themselves. Celestia decided to be sly about it. She sidled closer to Discord and looked at him. "You know they're going to stop you," she said nonchalantly.
Discord chuckled and waved his talon, causing the word "MUTE" to appear on the screen, and the sound to cut out. "Oh, ho ho! I think not! They abandoned their elements once I told them the truth about each of their elements: sometimes, honesty isn't the best policy, laughter can be cruel, generosity is exploited, kindness doesn't get you far, and loyalty holds you back ."
Celestia frowned, surmising the sort of spell Discord had used. "And friendship?" she asked, hoping to coax him out of the rest of his plan.
Discord laughed again, though Celestia thought it sounded a little forced. "Oh, you mean Twilight Sparkle and the magic of friendship? Friendship doesn't have any power! "Friendship" doesn't do anything! After all, I've gotten this far, and I have no friends!"
For a moment, Celestia felt pity for Discord. All alone in the universe, he was one of a kind, and didn't have a single friend. Celestia could relate: without her sister, she had spent the last thousand years in relative solitude, her friendships the only thing that helped her get by. Without friendship, she wondered if she would have been stricken by insanity, as often happened with the old monarchs. What would have happened if Discord had even one friend?
She reminded herself that he did bring it upon himself and Equestria was in danger. Fortunately, she knew now that Discord couldn't stop the magic of friendship because he didn't understand it.
Discord leered at Princess Celestia. "But who needs friends when you have "lovers"?" he asked lecherously.
The words sent shivers down her spine and caused her hairs to stand on end. "But, what of your subjects? Don't you want to watch them wallow in your chaos, your majesty?" Celestia faltered.
"Yes!" Luna piped up, pulling the lampshade back to reveal her face. "I'm sure there the outrageous antics of Manehatten ponies walking on a yellow cake road would tickle your senses!"
Discord spun around and gazed licentiously down at Luna. "I'm done with all this royal work!" he declared. Not breaking eye contact, he snapped his talon, and Luna's lampshade and all the furniture, including the couch he was sitting on, vanished. He remained floating in the air but Celestia fell to the ground with a thud.
"It's time for me to enjoy the benefits of being king!" he smiled wryly, rubbing his hands together. He moved towards Luna, who instinctively stepped back with a look of fear on her face.
"Stop!" demanded Celestia, the fire of the sun in her voice. "You can't have her!"
A look of contemplation crossed Discord's grinning face as he casually glanced back. "And why not?"
"Because it would hurt her!" Celestia declared, trying her best to ignore the weakness of her position. "You promised you would let no other pony come to harm!"
Discord ruminated for a moment before responding. "I guess you'll just have to do double duty!" he cackled, flashing her a fiendish grin.
Celestia pursed her lips. She was thrilled to have protected her sister, but wasn't looking forward to whatever he had in store for her.
It wasn't the pain she feared; she had thoroughly experimented with her senses long ago and knew well that pain was just another intense sensation. The threat of coitus didn't bother her either. In fact, it had been over three generations since she had taken a spouse and she did feel she was overdue for another, though Discord wouldn’t have been her first choice to break her long-standing chastity. She wasn't sure what to expect, but was sure it wouldn't be pleasant. She glared at his ogling mismatched eyes.
"Just get on with it,” she sneered.
"Tsk tsk!" Discord shook his head, "why Princess Celestia haven't you heard of foreplay?"
The Alicorn princess gave him a scowl of disgust. He enjoyed toying with her far too much for her liking, but every moment she had his attention was a moment Twilight Sparkle and her friends could save the day. "No, I haven't," she said wilily, "Why don't you tell me about it?"
Discord smiled as he stepped close to her. "Foreplay is where you take time to appreciate your partner's... physical... characteristics." He traced his lion paw gently around her jaw and down her neck, following the contour of her jeweled necklace. He stepped to her side and stroked her hair down her back, which sent shivers of anticipation down her spine. "It's a way to get excited for what's to come."
Celestia smiled wryly. "I'm excited about you getting it over with."
Discord suddenly disappeared and reappeared in front of her. "Is that really what you want, princess?"
Celestia's eyes darted down enough to see that he was ready to deliver on that request. She opened her mouth to speak but Discord shoved his large red intimate piece of himself into her muzzle. The Alicorn's eyes went wide with surprise as she choked on the phallus, her throat trying in vain to expel the intruder.
"Stop it!" Luna cried, pained to see her sister this way.
"Oh, you don't like it?" Discord asked matter-of-factly, grabbing the white pony's head and pressing it to his body, thrusting a few times.
"No!" She looked at Celestia's contorted face. "Let me take her place!"
Discord raised an eyebrow. "You want me to do this to you?" He asked slyly, withdrawing himself, leaving Celestia gasping for breath.
"No," she answered quickly, "but I'd rather you did it to me than her."
"How generous." Discord smiled and sidled in her direction.
"It's okay," Celestia said, regaining her composure and lifting her head high. "It's better if he can only get to one of us."
The two sisters exchanged a series of meaningful glances, making it clear each would gladly take this burden.
"Well make up your minds!" Discord said, placing his hands on his hips, accentuating his erect "stallionhood". "Which one of you is going to get it?"
Luna looked at the ground and sighed, knowing her sister wouldn't yield when it came to protecting others. "She will," the night pony said with defeat.
"Alright," Discord agreed, and snapped his talon. He reappeared in front of Celestia again and resumed his activity, startling Celestia once again.
Luna turned her head away. She couldn't stand to watch Celestia be taken like this, but didn't want to attract his attention by attempting to run. Instead she listened to the animalistic grunts coming her new king, along with the muffled complaints of her sister.
The whole situation felt surreal, and reminded her of a nightmare she once visited. Or she thought it was a nightmare. A young mare was tied down and about to be ravaged by a menacing stallion. Princess Luna swooped in and stopped him, only to be yelled at by the bound mare for ruining a perfectly good dream. She paid more attention to the dreamer's state of mind after that.
She looked up when she heard Celestia gasp again. Discord had released her. His member glistened from her saliva and had doubled in size, becoming even more intimidating than before.
"Turn around," he said smugly.
"Make me," she said defiantly, smirking a bit.
Both Luna and Discord were confused by Celestia's taunt, but a moment later a lion paw smacked across her white face, forcing her to turn with the momentum. "I said move!" he growled.
Celestia turn her head slowly and looked him straight in the eye. "No."
Luna withheld a smile as she suddenly understood Celestia's plan. Discord was not known for his patience or subtlety, so as long as Celestia challenged him in those arenas, she would certainly win. Though Luna was unsure what she would win.
Discord stomped his lizard leg onto the tiled floor, which deformed like an ocean wave towards Celestia, throwing the Alicorn backwards onto her back.
"Now be a good little princess and stand up," he said patronizingly.
"Why don't you use your fancy magic?" Celestia taunted again. "Or don't you like how I am now?" she asked, pointing her golden hoof at her crotch.
Discord scrunched his face in anger. He teleported again next to her and smacked her rear with a hard wooden stick several times.
Celestia hardly flinched. "Oh please," she said dismissively. "I went through my gothic phase three hundred years ago. It'll take more than a little pain to get me to move."
The dragonequus was fuming and Celestia was delighted. Without being able to threaten her citizens, he had no leverage to get her to do what he wanted. He thought through his options angrily as Celestia silently laughed at him. Then an idea crept into his mind, restoring his confidence.
"We'll see about that," Discord chided. He turned to Luna, who jumped at his sudden gaze. "Come here, Luna."
Luna stepped forward stiffly, as if compelled by an invisible force, uncertain of what to expect. She stopped when she was right in front of him. "Thou shalt not hurt me."
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it!" Discord chuckled. "But your sister here says she just can't wait for me to be finished. But before we get to the ending, we have to have a climax first." He lowered his head so he was nose to nose with her. "Won't you give your lovely sister a climax?"
Both Luna and Celestia's jaws dropped. "But, I... she's..." Luna stammered.
"Be a good pony and do as I say." Discord waved his talon and stepped back, giving them room.
Luna gave a concerned glance at Celestia who was equally worried. "I guess, I shall give thee a climax?" Luna said questioningly to her grimacing sister. She pushed her tail aside and sat down. She then reluctantly reached her hoof out and brushed Celestia's nethers.
"Oh, oh, that feels so good!" Celestia exclaimed with fake pleasure. "I'm definitely having a climax!" Luna quickly withdrew her hoof and they both looked up at him.
Discord smirked. "Nice try, princesses, but it'll take more than a little bad acting to convince me. Here, put this inside her." He grabbed his own engorged member and it came off with a pop like was suctioned to himself. He offered it to Luna.
Luna looked at the scarlet phallus, complete with its two droopy bulges hanging down. The whole thing was veiny and throbbed as if it were still attached. "How... how can I hold it without magic?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
Discord shook his head. "Use your mouth, like the Earth Ponies do. But be gentle, it's very delicate."
Luna made a most disgusted face. She leaned towards the cock but backed off when she got close. Discord stared expectantly at her and she tried again, but still couldn't bring herself to take it. Discord raised an eyebrow, and that was enough to coerce her into taking it by the base and sack.
It was warm and squishy in her mouth and she felt him stiffen. It tasted moist and salty, with a bit of a unique tang that she could only guess was his natural flavor.
She carried it gingerly over to Celestia's crotch and aimed it at her tight hole. She looked pitifully at her older sister, hoping for a solution.
Princess Celestia scrunched her lips. She was genuinely impressed with Discord's ingenuity. After over a thousand years of sexual experimentation, Discord had found a taboo she had never tried. She could fight against it, but she honestly felt he had earned his victory. Now both she and Luna would just have to bear through it and continue to occupy his time.
“Whatever happens, it's Discord, not you.” Celestia said reassuringly. “Do what he tells you; I'll be fine.”
Luna nodded with understanding. Locking her jaw, she closed her eyes and plunged the cock into her sister's sacred temple.
Celestia squeaked at the sudden penetration. The sticky smooth skin of the shaft seemed to catch on her labia, giving her harsh discomfort that bordered on pain. She instinctively cast a spell to lube things up down there, but it was absorbed by the chain on her ankle.
Luna could tell the cock was not sliding very comfortably, but was at a loss for a solution. She continued with the spirit of the request and slid the cock slowly out and back in.
Celestia moaned with the sensation, longing for less friction. She tried to relax and tried to think about more positive penetrations. She remembered the days of concubines when Well Hung, a stallion chosen for her pleasure, came to her bedroom nightly. He was adept at maximizing her sexual satisfaction, and her memories of him helped her satisfy herself even in modern times.
As she fantasized, her natural juices flowed enough to make things far more pleasant. She even tried to stimulate herself like she usually does in her alone time, but her magic blinked once again. She then reached down with her foreleg and touched herself with the rounded edge of her golden shoe.
Seeing Celestia like this was relieving to Luna, knowing she wasn't hurting her anymore. She started thrusting harder and faster, hoping to bring Discord over the edge as soon as possible.
Discord was thoroughly enjoying himself. He shook and danced, revelling not only the spectacle of the two princesses getting it on, but also the wonderful feeling of having sex in more than a thousand years. His body did a serpentine wave and he celebrated with a cartwheel. He began to hoot and holler. “Faster!” he commanded.
Luna obeyed, beginning to break a sweat. Discord's toys slipped a bit and she had to regrasp them in her mouth before she continued. She kept up the high speed until at last a splash of white liquid shot past the cock and covered Luna's face. She released the member and shook off the mess as best she could.
“Don't stop now!” Discord reprimanded, “I haven't finished yet!”
Luna looked up at Discord and then at her sister's dripping pussy, plugged by Discord's disembodied pulsing cock. Then she looked up at her sister, who sheepishly grinned back, her cheeks flushed with bubbly embarrassment. “Sorry,” Celestia apologized.
“Well at least one of us is enjoying themselves,” Luna muttered, taking hold of the tool and resuming her task.
Discord continued to dance, moving his fists in a horizontal circle while gyrating his hips in time to Luna’s rhythm. He grabbed one leg and the back of his neck oscillated between scrunching his body inward and arching his back out. He spread his legs and jiggled, placed his arms on his hips and moved them in a large circle, thoroughly loving every moment of it.
Celestia threw her head back and allowed herself to enjoy this ridiculous experience for what it was. She supposed she was the Queen of Chaos for the moment, and elated in its novelty. The object inside her felt like it changed shape with each of Luna’s thrusts, cycling through the various creatures Discord was made of, and more. The absurdity of it all gave her a smile that grew into a laugh that she stifled with her free hoof.
Princess Luna rolled her eyes, wondering if her sister or Discord was crazier. She continued to pleasure Discord with Celestia’s velvet glove and shifted her seat. The movement caused her body to remind her mind that she was being left out of all the pleasures happening just inches in front of her nose. She tightened her moist crotch and cursed herself for liking any bit of it. Trying to ignore her shame, focused on keeping up the reciprocating movement, opting to rock her body to give her neck a rest. She secretly took pleasure in the compression of her nethers with each push, rationalizing that it wasn’t her fault that her movements applied sexual sensation to herself.
Luna continued her duty, ignoring the stray spurts that landed like stars in her hair, until finally Discord was finished. She knew this time because his love stick hardened and shook, eliciting a shriek of pleasure from Celestia, and two of the three monarchs wailed in unison as several fireworks shot out from behind Discord as he stood spread eagle, extending his arms above him.
Princess Luna slowed to a stop and sat back, breathing heavily from her workout. Celestia pushed out the phallus out onto the floor. Luna watched it as it be still for a moment before it stood up and waddled over to Discord. It jumped and spun around, attaching itself back onto his crotch before it disappeared beneath his fur.
Celestia was still on the floor, eyes closed, mouth agape with a slight smile, still shaking with pleasant spasms. When she opened her eyes, she saw Luna looking down at her shaking her head. “Next time, I’ll bear that burden, if that’s alright with you,” she said.
Discord lay down on his side, propping his head up with this talon. He waved his paw and a small bundle of straw wrapped in paper appeared between two of his claws. He breathed fire to light one end and sucked air through the other. “So, Princess Celestia, was that as good for you as it was for me?” he asked brimming with conceit.
Celestia stood up and shook herself off, though some of her lower fur was still matted from their act. The rush gone, her mental fantasy gave way to the dark reality of her kingdom at war. She half-smiled, “there’s no way it could have been better for you,” she said coolly, trying to keep his attention. “I’ve never been taken like that before, and I must say it’s one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Even Luna is jealous.” She pointed at her sister, who glared back at her.
“Flattery doesn’t behoove you, princess,” Discord said, blowing a ring of smoke at her.
“Oh, but I’m serious!” Celestia asserted, “It’s been nearly three hundred years since I’ve had such a great time. Say…” she affected recollection by putting her hoof to her chin, “didn’t you say something about me having double?”
Discord laughed and bit the end off the roll of hay. “Are you really so eager for round two?” His voice was even, hiding his expectations.
“Only if you're ready for me,” Celestia said coyly, turning her head and waggling her eyebrows at him.
The dragonequus tossed the rest of the hay into his mouth and chewed on it while he responded. “Well, I suppose we could go again, but wouldn't that upset your sister?”
They both looked at Luna, who was scowling back. This talk of such intimate acts offended her antiquated sensibilities, but she knew her sister well enough to know she had a plan.
“Thou may do the act again if you must. I shall acquiesce to thy bidding.”
Celestia delighted in her response, and gave a wink to her sister so Discord couldn't see.
Discord also elated, but suddenly shivered. Once it passed, he frowned in thought.
“Are you okay, your majesty?” Celestia asked, stepping forward, reaching her hoof to his side in concern.
Discord's smile returned, though it was unconvincing. “I'm fine, dear Celestia, but I'm afraid that will have to wait for another time.” He began to float, still on his side. “It was a pleasure, ladies, but I must be off. Royal business to attend to. Try not to hurt yourselves!” He snapped his paw and Luna's chain leash connected itself to the ball that weighed down Celestia. He then disappeared into a white star-shaped flash.
The moment he was gone, Celestia stomped her hoof. “Dratt!” she cursed, slumping her posture.
Luna also visibly relaxed, but was still annoyed. “What was all that about?” she demanded.
“What was all what about?” Celestia asked calmly.
“That!” Luna waved her hooves at where they had just done the dirty. “You looked like you were enjoying yourself!”
“I was,” Celestia openly admitted. “it was a lot of fun.”
“But the kingdom! He was just using you like some sort of plaything!”
“I suppose,” she shrugged, “but I was using him too.”
Luna raised an eyebrow at her sister. “What do you mean?”
“It’s only a matter of time before Twilight Sparkle and her friends find the Elements of Harmony. Therefore our job is to distract him until then.”
Luna ruminated on this, concluding that her sister was probably right. “Then, your request to do it again was…”
Celestia nodded. “Just a ruse to keep him here longer.”
“But you were so convincing! You even spilt your royal honey!”
“There was little to be done,” Celestia said. “Resisting would have angered him, so I felt giving him the reaction he wanted was the most pleasant way through. And it was very nice.” Celestia grinned at the memory.
“Right,” Luna eyed her sister, barely grasping her logic. “So what do we do now that he's gone?”
“I'm not sure. I'm concerned that Discord drained the ponies of their elements. If their friendship is allowed to break, they will no longer wield the Elements.”
“Then we mustn't let that happen!” Luna declared. “But how?”
“We need to get to the reading room! From there, I can send Twilight Sparkle a message even without magic.” Celestia charged at the ball and chain, trying to move it again. Luna tried to move the ball by the chain on her neck from the front, but even with the both of their efforts, it barely moved.
“It’s no use!” Celestia cried, exhausted. “It’s magically rooted in place; we can’t move it.”
Luna stamped her hoof in frustration. “By Celestia’s su-” she stopped herself mid-curse, knowing it was rude to say that around her sister. Celestia smiled at Luna, knowing that both of them cursed the other when things went wrong.
At that moment, the door to the chamber opened a crack. Celestia and Luna both looked up, hopeful, to see none other than Philomena, Princess Celestia’s pet Phoenix, fly in.
“Philomena!” Celestia called. “My faithful pet! What happened to the guards that watch over you?” Her mind filled with images of guards running scared from the chaotic laws of physics that were no doubt wreaking havoc across Canterlot. One might have started to chase its own tail while the other one was figuring out how to get down from the ceiling. “No, don’t answer that. Can you break these chains?” she asked.
Philomena swooped down and landed on the chain. She pecked and clawed at it, but could not break through. She drooped her wings, dejected.
“Nevermind that,” Celestia reassured. “Fetch a guard. We need to escape!”
Philomena left and returned shortly with a dark gray stallion wearing the standard-issue yellow armor with his white mane serving as the plume for the helmet. “Your majesties!” he exclaimed upon seeing them, rushing over.
“Bronze Shield,” Princess Celestia addressed the guard by name, “thank goodness you’ve come. Discord has imprisoned us with Chaos Chains. We need bolt cutters to set us free. You should find some in the royal broom closet.”
“Yes Princess!” he saluted, and took off.
“Philomena,” she continued, without missing a beat. “Fly to my reading room and find any letter regarding Twilight Sparkle’s lessons in friendship, and send it back to Twilight Sparkle using the message fire. I shall be there directly.”
The phoenix took off, leaving the two princesses alone again. Bronze Shield returned a few minutes later with the cutters and snapped the chains off. The two sisters lept into action, taking to the air and flying over the many buildings of Canterlot and magically restoring order to the city. Princess Celestia then returned to her reading room to find Philomena had sent not one but every letter from Twilight Sparkle.
She levitated her quill and a scroll and began composing an uplifting letter. To my faithful student Twilight Sparkle and her friends, she began. I apologize for my absence, but-
Suddenly a stream of magic dust flew in through the fireplace and formed a scroll in front of her. A message from Twilight Sparkle! They had done it! Twilight Sparkle and friends had saved the day once again with the Elements of Harmony, and Discord had been turned back to stone. Now all that remained was cleaning up the pools of chocolate rain everywhere.
***
In Celestia’s bedroom, dimly lit by candles, Princess Celestia was tied spread eagle and upright to the ceiling and floor. “Discord!” she shouted.
Discord stepped out of the shadow, holding a riding crop. “Oh, my dear Princess Celestia,” Discord said, his words saturated with contempt. “You still owe me that second ride. You know, the one you enjoyed so much!”
“I just said that to keep you interested!” she spat. “I could barely feel you inside, and I faked it the whole time!”
“Oh, now that’s just rude!” Discord frowned as if he were offended. “I know you enjoyed it the first time, and even if you didn’t, I’ll make sure you do the second…” He stepped forward threateningly.
“Sister, we need to talk,” Luna said, appearing out of thin air.
“Do I get both princesses now?” Discord asked.
Luna rolled her eyes and used her magic to bind Discord’s hands behind his back and gag him with a red ball gag.
Celestia grimaced at the sight of her sister and flushed with embarrassment.
“I know this isn’t the first time either,” Luna said, as if continuing a conversation. “I don’t think it’s healthy.”
Princess Celestia used her own magic to free herself and stood up. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” she said hesitantly. “How goes the night shift?”
Luna shrugged. “It’s a quiet night. Only a dozen nightmares or so. But I’m not here to talk about me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with having a fantasy,” Celestia immediately defended. “I’m sure you see tons of them.”
Luna nodded. “Yes, but it’s been nearly a year and you’re still dreaming of... him.” They both looked over at Discord, who was still struggling to get free. She looked back at her sister. “I think you have a problem.”
Princess Celestia sighed and Discord faded into the darkness. “You’re right,” she admitted, “I’m obsessed.”
Luna smiled. “I know.”
“No, it’s worse than that. I… I’m thinking of letting Discord out.”
Luna’s jaw dropped. “You’re thinking of what?”
“Not just for the sex!” Celestia put up a hoof defensively. “I’ve been thinking about Discord’s character. He has always kept his word, and nopony was hurt under his rule.”
“But he always twists his words so they might as well have been lies. And it cost hundreds of thousands to repair his damages!”
“All we need is for him to sign a contract created by some legal ponies. And yes, there were a lot of damages, but Equestrian economy has been booming with new ideas growth in the millions because of him.”
Luna pursed her lips. “Even if he did sign such a contract, the financial gain would worthless if he returned to power. Why risk it?”
Celestia's face turned grim. “Our kingdom is woefully lacking defenses against chaos magic. If he were an ally, he could help protect us from our enemies.”
Luna frowned. She knew her sister was referring to Tirek, an evil creature rumoured to have escaped Tartarus just a few months earlier. Given his cruel nature, Luna would choose Discord's rule over Tirek's any day. She grimaced, understanding her sister's point of view.
“I suppose the security of the kingdom is a valid reason,” Luna agreed reluctantly. “But I'm still not sure.”
“Neither am I," said Celestia, “that’s why I hadn't brought it up yet.”
The two sisters stood silently in the darkened dream bedroom for a moment when an idea came into Luna's head that was so pervasive a cunning grin spread across her face.
“Perhaps I can ask him, before we free him from his stone prison.”
Luna turned to leave, but then wondered about what Celestia was going to dream about after she left.
“You, um, haven't dreamed about me and Discord, have you?” she asked awkwardly.
Celestia giggled. “And let you have all the fun? Never!”
“Okay, well, sweet dreams, sister!” she said as she stepped outside the dream.
Celestia turned to see both Discord and Luna step out of the shadows. “I guess there is a first time for everything,” she shrugged and smiled.
