Heart: My Soul, what have you done?

Brain: I... I don’t know. I didn’t know what to do... so I had us run.

Dick: You did the right thing, Brain.

Mouth: I’m taking Heart’s side with this one. There’s nothing wrong with a little kiss. Dutchy was always kissing us, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. Not every sign of affection has to be sexual, Dick.

Dick: Ugh, don’t remind me. Besides, it’s my job to be gutter-minded, I’m the dick.

Heart: Never mind that. The point is, that was an asshole move, and something needs to be done about it. Go back.

Brain: No. To go back now would be even worse. We all need some time. I’ll just keep wandering around in the woods until we feel better.

Heart: Fine. But there will be words with that filly sooner or later.

. . .

What is wrong with me?

“WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP!?!” I screamed to the forest, punching a tree. The foot-thick pine rattled and needles rained down on me as I felt the jarring, cold pain of my knuckles splitting open.

I punched it again, leaving red spots in the bark. No matter what I do, or where I am, the only thing I can do right is hurt people.

What appeared to be a cross between a lion, a bat, and a scorpion, apparently drawn by my emotional turmoil, appeared out of the underbrush near me.

“And just what the hell do YOU want?”

The creature growled threateningly at me.

“Yeah, well. Look me in the eyes, motherfucker. Either put that stinger in my neck where it belongs, or fuck right off. I’m not in the fucking mood to fuck around right now.”

To my own surprise, the creature whimpered and backed away. I pondered this for a few seconds. It’s likely the creature is not actually afraid of me... but instead afraid of... something much bigger.

I turned around, only to find a pair of blood-red eyes inches from mine. Giving it a quick look-over, the monster appeared to be a massive snake, almost as thick as my waist and long enough for its tail to reach all the way across the clearing and scorching the shrubs thirty feet away. It’s red eyes sent a chill down my spine, and a golden crest flipped up on its head as a menacing growl bubbled out from between its blackened lips. With a sudden revelation, I realised this guy exactly matched the description of a basilisk, the king serpent of old. It all made sense now, if Unicorns and Pegasi exist here, why shouldn’t other mythical creatures?

I’ve always been sort of an animal whisperer. I can tell what a lesser creature wants or needs by the way it moves and breathes. And I could tell that, unlike the scorpion-lion-thing, the basilisks growl wasn’t a ‘Get out of my territory’ growl, but instead an ‘I’m gonna eat you alive and digest you slowly’ growl. As the creature reared back to strike, my hand darted forward and grabbed the dangly red things under its chin.

“Oh, Honey, you picked the wrong day to piss me off. Squeal for me.”

One Needlessly Violent Murder Later...

The basilisk now lay twitching on the ground, an unnatural crink in its neck and a yellow fluid that I assumed to be its blood flowing unbidden from its mouth. I pulled out my Aves and put them on.

“Cock-a-doodle-doo, Motherfucker.”

Y’know... cuz a rooster’s crow is one of the only things that can kill a basilisk... Yeah, Mike made me play too many fantasy RPGs. Though the knowledge may come in handy now that I’m stuck in a fantasy world, of sorts.

It’s too bad Mike can’t be here, he’d probably love it. He’d also probably know how to get us both home. He was always the smart one.

Oh, Mike. I wish you were here.

I sat down on a nearby log and lit a cigarette to replace the one I’d left behind in my hasty retreat. For the first time in years, a tear rolled down my cheek. The creature I now recognised as a greek Manticore approached and touched my hand with its nose. On impulse, I reached up and pet its mane, and what do ya know, it started purring like a housecat. “Yeah, you just act tough, Fluffy. I actually am.”

“Indeed.” With a start, I looked up towards my most recent kill. My new manticore friend backed away and hissed at the newcomer.

I thought I was hallucinating. A creature who appeared to be an amalgam of other creatures, like if some psychopath had cut apart a petting zoo and glued it back together wrong.

It had a long thin body of a snake and a matching pit viper head. It stood upright, a tiny claw on its hip. All of its limbs were scaly and reptilian, though I could tell one of its pseudo-hands was a chameleon grasper, the other a gecko’s paw, and its legs were both didactyl raptor feet. The whole thing was a little less than two feet tall.

“Who the hell are you? Or, more appropriately, what the hell are you?”

“As for who I am, my name is unimportant. As for what, I’m the same as you: A kindred spirit. We share a goal, Human.” It’s voice was smooth and comforting, like silken sheets.

“Human. You know what I am. Without me telling you.”

“Of course I do. Our people were once allies, though it has been too long since I’ve seen one in the flesh.” It jumped off the dead basilisk and slunk to the center of the clearing. “Last I heard, the Solar Queen was organising your fellows into concentration camps.”

“I wouldn’t know anything about that. I just got here.”

“Yes, you did, and I’m sure you’re scared and confused, but don’t worry, we’ll get through this together, won’t we?”

“Ugh, you sound like Red. Unless you can get me home, or even a stiff drink, I’ve got nothing to say to you.” I stood and turned to leave. Frankly, I got the weird feeling he was bullshitting me. Solar Queen? Concentration camps? Ooh, I’m so scared. I deal with shit like that on my way to real problems. Like where my underwear are.

“Actually, I might be able to help you on the former. I have powerful friends in powerful places. They might do a favor for a favor, if you catch my meaning.”

This caught my attention. “What kind of favor?”

“My friends require certain... items... of importance. Items that would best be retrieved by you.”

“Didn’t your Ma ever tell you stealing is wrong?”

“To be fair, they were taken from us first.” Ah, so my new serpentine acquaintance has a stake in this, as well. Don’t commit to anything.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Ah, of course. No need to make a decision right away.” He held up a paw and began swaying it though the air. At the same time, his skin began to pulse with bright colors. The whole effect was so distracting I didn’t notice the thrashing in the underbrush to the right. I felt myself slipping away into those pretty colors...

“In fact, I suggest that you sleep on it.”

...and I’m gone.

. . .

A Few Minutes Earlier...

“La la la la la...” Fluttershy sang as she gathered flowers for her lunch. She’d finally managed to work the kink out of Mr. Bear’s back, and worked up quite the hunger while she was at it, and if she ate too much at the picnic later, her friends might think she was a pig, not that there was anything wrong with pigs, she was sure they were all wonderful, anyway, she didn’t want to eat too much at the picnic, hence the flowers.

Fluttershy’s mental insecurities aside, when Mr. Manticore roared in agony near the edge of the forest, she was so startled that she threw the entire basket into the air and hid behind the nearest stump. When the flower explosion cleared, she peeked out from behind the stump before berating her lion-like friend. “M-M-Mr. Manticore! P-P-P-please don’t scare me like that!”

Mr. Manticore mewled plaintively and tugged her tail. “It’s important?”

The manticore nodded and gestured to the forest. “Your friend is in danger?”

It nodded again and growled. Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “You want to lick my what?”

The beast facepawed and growled louder. “Oh, I thought you said something completely different. In that case, there’s no time to lose!”

And so, the shy pink-maned pegasus pony and the massive melodramatic manticore fled into the Everfree Forest. A few minutes of thrashing about brought them to a clearing. Just as they broke through the underbrush, a bright flash blinded them both. Fluttershy’s vision cleared just in time to see a tall, two-legged creature toppled to the ground, cracking its head on a fallen log. Wasting no time, Mr. Manticore dashed to its side, using his horns to scoop the strange creature up onto his back. Fluttershy was a little distracted.

By the dead basilisk.

The manticore moved to her side, still carrying their rescuee. A tear ran down her cheek. “What happened?”

A tiny sound gurgled out of the greek monsters throat. “It attacked you and then this... creature saved you? It would have had to be really hungry to attack you.”

Mr. Manticore inclined his head and grumbled. “And then another weird creature appeared? And it reminded you of Discord? This is pretty serious...”

She seemed to notice the biped for the first time. He appeared to be fast asleep, but he was bleeding badly from various wounds on his head. Some of them were old, but the one on the back was new. The creature had a strange aura about him, almost... foreboding. But he was hurt, and it was Fluttershy’s job to help hurt animals.

She turned to the manticore. “We’ll take him to Zecora’s. It’s closer, and she might know what he is.”

She looked at the biped uncertainly, before picking up the pair of sunglasses on the ground. “Maybe.”

In response to this, the creature grunted and rolled in its sleep.

. . .

Fluttershy knocked on Zecora’s door with a hoof. Please be there, please be there. Zecora wasn’t the most reliable medicine mare, she was often out gathering ingredients, or so deep in meditation that she could completely ignore knocks on her door. Several times before, the yellow pegasus had simply left without a word rather than interrupt the zebra. But this was important.

There was an animal in danger.

The creature gurgled again. He was bleeding hard from his head, and his forelimbs had been scraped red and raw. It must have been some sort of circus animal, he was wearing a costume. He must have escaped into the Everfree forest and got lost. She’d heard of strange creatures being captured across the ocean and being brought to Equestria, but that was extremely illegal.

But it was no wonder he escaped, he must be very tough or very sneaky to survive in the Everfree forest for that long. Even fifteen minutes among the enchanted trees could be dangerous to those who aren’t careful.

After an agonizing wait, Zecora finally answered the door. “Ah, Fluttershy, what a surprise! Why is there such panic in your eyes?”

“Zecora! I found this poor thing out in the woods and I need a place to put him and also need to borrow some bandages because he’s bleeding!” Fluttershy blurted before she could stop herself. “Uhm...if that’s okay with you...”

“Of course, let me banish this unwanted guest, then we’ll allow your friend to rest.” She returned to the hut, and a few seconds later, a brown colt stumbled out, followed closely by the resident zebra. She shouted after him, “Now, I hope this little mess has been sorted, I am not some lovestruck mare to be courted!”

She gestured for Fluttershy to come inside, and the manticore followed. She was less panicked now that they were safe at Zecora’s. “Who was that?”

Zecora shook her head. “Just a smitten colt who bothers me to no end. But never mind that, let us see to your friend.” Mr. Manticore laid the animal on the floor and began snuffling at him worriedly.To the zebra’s and the pegasus’ surprise, the creature spoke.

“Mmm. Five more minutes, Payback.”

Zecora took a closer look at him, before jumping back and exclaiming, “Kidole Pepo!”

“What is it, Zecora?” Fluttershy peeked out from her sudden hiding place inside Zecora’s cauldron.

Zecora, in her distress and haste to convey the information, forgot the Zebrican tradition of rhyming when speaking other languages;

“A Kidole Pepo, a Fingered Demon. In the Time Before Peace, they came in the night and stole young zebra foals away and transformed them into monsters. But that’s not possible, they went extinct after the Time Of War. Where did you find him, Fluttershy?”

“He was just in the woods when Mr. Manticore led me to him. He fell down and hit his head on a log.” She gestured to his head wound, which was currently bleeding all over Zecora’s floor. His blood was a darker shade of red, and it didn’t have the rainbow sheen pony blood had. “Speaking of which, we should probably bandage that up. Mr. Manticore, could you hold his head for me, please?”

The manticore used his tail to prop the demon’s head up while Fluttershy used her mouth to wrap the borrowed linen bandages around it. Every time her snout brushed his face, he giggled in his sleep.

“Heh-heh. Quit it, Payback, that tickles.” He didn’t seem to be pained by his wounds at all.

When the pegasus was done tending to his wounds, she leaned him up and glomped him with her hooves. “How could he be a demon who kidnaps foals when he’s so cute?”

The zebra couldn't deny that the creature was appealing, with the funny, round ears and his golden tuft of hair, but it was just a ruse to lull one into a false sense of security, Zecora was sure of it. Since she was a foal, the elders of her village had told cautionary tales of zebras who wandered the Zavannah alone, how they would be taken away and turned into monsters, then returned to the village they came from, to haunt their friends and family. She shivered at the thought.

“Fluttershy, could you be a dear and not go so near? I’d suggest a healthy dose of fear, his murderous intentions are clear.” Zecora remembered the rhyming tradition as she noted the basilisk blood that was staining the creature’s garments. He had killed, likely to fuel his carnivorous rage. And to murder a basilisk was a nearly impossible feat. He was a demon and a monster.

“But wook at his widdow face!” She moved the demons jaw up and down to simulate speech. “Zecora! I ruv rou! Prease take care ruv me until I wake up?”

Zecora was slightly disgusted at this display, and slightly confused at Fluttershy’s suggestion. “What?”

Fluttershy explained, “Zecora, I have a picnic to attend soon, and I can’t bring this ‘demon’ with me. He’s too heavy, and he’s asleep. Also, since you know so much about him, it only makes sense for you to keep an eye on him. You know, if you’re not doing anything...”

“No, absolutely not! The demon shall not stay in my hut!”

“I’ll give you five bits.”

“If you make it ten, you can count me in.”

And so it was settled. Until both mares noticed the demon was awake. Their eyes widened as it leaned up and looked first at Zecora, then at Fluttershy. Then it spoke in a thick growl that made their coats stand on end:

“Did you just sell my ass for chump change?”

Author's Note

"Hey, you know those two characters you have trouble writing for?"

"Yeah, Fluttershy and Zecora."

"Why don't we put in a really long dialogue section between them?"

"That's possibly the worst-"

"Too late."