After a short, 10-minute hiatus full of bathroom breaks, random conversations with various ponies I had just met, and sharing Cards Against Humanity stories from Earth, everyone returned to Twilight's dining room table to begin round 2. Little did I know that a few of us were about to get really, really frustrated.

I soon took the next black card and read it out loud. "You know," I began, "Once you get past _____, _____ ain't so bad." I was a little annoyed that I had drawn a card used by Discord late during the last game, but given all the different cards that could be involved this time around, I was looking forward to seeing what I was going to read.

"Mine's a throwaway," Maud blankly said, "None of my cards are really that great."

"Yyyyyyeahhh...not sure if mine's gonna work, either," Shining said.

"Alright, everypony ready?" I soon asked. They all nodded, so got right into reading what they had given me. "You know, once you get past mares in yogurt advertisements, Countess Coloratura ain't so bad. What??" I asked in confusion. Some of the others, however, got a small laugh out of the ridiculousness. "You know, once you get past a cooler full of organs, a plunger to the face ain't so bad."

"Well, then..." Sunset said, "That...kinda works?"

"You know, once you get past the eight gay warlocks that dictate the rules of fashion, exploding pigeons ain't so bad."

"Awww...Really?" Pinkie sadly asked.

"You know, once you get past owls, the perfect predator, the color "puce" ain't so bad. Nah. Once you get past hoofing, doin' it it the butt ain't so bad. Ha! Nice! Once you get past a pile of squirming bodies, a fetus ain't so bad. Uhhh...No. Who had hoofing and doin' it in the butt?"

"I did!" Sunset replied. I then took the liberty of sliding her Awesome Point over to her while she took the next black card in her magic. Once it was in front of her face, she said, "_____ is a slippery slope that leads to _____."

"Hmmm..." Starlight began, "Mine works, but I'm not sure it's all that great."

"Well, mine's one that I think females will get more than males," I said as I slid my two cards to Sunset.

"Same here," Maud flatly replied to my statement.

"Well, then..." Sunset said again, "I guess I'm in for a show. Anyway, the size of my penis is a slippery slope that leads to that ass. Well, I wouldn't call that a slippery slope unless you're homosexual."

"Good call," Shining replied.

"A defective condom is a slippery slope that leads to not having sex."

"Ah!" I said, pointing a finger upwards, "Smart move!"

"Free samples are a slippery slope that lead to a fart. Must've been some really powerful broccoli or something like that. Anyway, hot ponies are a slippery slope that lead to crying and shitting and eating spaghetti."

Both Starlight and Trixie cringed at what the yellow unicorn had just said.

"Ewww!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Yeah. This would have worked better if ice cream was involved instead of spaghetti. Okay, spending lots of money is a slippery slope that leads to a bitch slap."

"Ha!" Shining laughed.

"And finally, dick hooves are a slippery slope that lead to...pixelated bukkake."

There was a brief silence before anyone spoke again.

"Wait," I began, "How could anypony walk if they had dick hooves?"

"You're right," Sunset continued as she pushed that combo aside, "Let's see...A lot of these were really funny. Is there anyway I can pick one at random?"

"Just take the first card of each combo and randomize them," I said.

"That sounds like it could work. Thanks!" Sunset replied as she did what I suggested. Once she had randomized the five remaining necessary cards, she placed one of them face-up on the table. "A defective condom."

"Yay! That's me!" Pinkie cheered. Personally, I didn't think hers deserved to win, but then again, I wasn't Sunset Shimmer.

Once the party pony received her card, Starlight took the next one from the pile. "Wow," she began, "We're getting a lot of these 'Pick 2' cards. _____: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for _____!"

"Again?" I asked out of slight frustration. I was hoping that we'd have a card in which we would only have to play one white card, plus the only combo I had for this card was way too sad to win.

"Mine's a throwaway," Pinkie said, not looking too happy.

"Mine's too upsetting," Sunset confessed.

"Mine, too," Maud responded. I was surprised that two other players were in the same predicament as I was.

"Okay, let's go," Starlight said once she had received all 12 cards, "A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for boxing up my feeling. Yeah, that works. Sexual humiliation: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for self-flagellation. I think not. Hospice care. Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for...foals with ass cancer..."

"Aw, geez..." I groaned, "Really?"

"Masturbation: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for homeless ponies."

"Wow, that's...that's just sad," Shining said.

"Trixie agrees with you, Prince Shining..." Trixie hesitantly replied, my instincts telling me she wasn't too happy with what Starlight had just said.

"Cancer. Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for...cool...relatable...cancer teens..."

Pinkie's mane deflated upon hearing that. She didn't say a word, as her face clearly showed how she felt.

"Blood farts. Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for fucking up "The Heart Carol" in front of 300 parents!"

"Hahaha!" I laughed while clapping, "At least we ended on a funny note!"

"I agree!" Starlight replied, "Who had that one?"

"Finally!" Shining said, "That one's mine!"

"Nice one!" I replied to the stallion. I thought his combo was absolutely hilarious. Blood farts would be a very unusual, yet very effective, way to screw up a vocal recital.

Right as Trixie took the next card in her magic, her facial expression turned to one of high annoyance. "Ugh...Really?? Another one??" she asked.

"You're kidding..." I grumbled.

"No. The Great and Powerful Trixie does not kid around. Well, if _____ is good enough for _____, it's good enough for me."

Aside from myself, it seemed that Sunset, Pinkie, and Starlight were all a bit flustered with the streak of 'Pick 2' cards. Plus, I had no decent combo for this one. "Mine's a throwaway," I said, passing my cards to Trixie.

"Mine doesn't work too well, either," Pinkie mentioned.

"Okay, let's begin," Trixie said once she received the eleventh and twelfth cards, "Well, if going around punching ponies is good enough for The Filly Scouts of Equestria, it's good enough for me."

"Hahaha!" Sunset laughed, "That's ridiculous!"

"Yes, I suppose it is. Well, if a saxophone solo is good enough for making the penises kiss, it's good enough for me. What?? No! Gross!" She quickly flung the cards into the discard pile. "Well, if a boxing match with a giant box is good enough for something that looks like a box but turns out to be a crate, it's good enough for me. Hmmm... Maybe. Well, if scrotum tickling is good enough for an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, it's good enough for me."

"Whoever's doing that must be a professional," I said.

"Well, if finally finishing off the buffalo is good enough for shapeshifters, it's good enough for me. Absolutely not. Well, if the homosexual agenda is good enough for Sombra, it's good enough for me."

"Do you really think an evil lord like him would approve of something like that?" Maud asked.

"Not in a million moons, Maud," Trixie replied, "Who had the first combo?"

"I did!" Starlight replied, "Finally!" I was glad that yet another pony who had yet to get an Awesome Point received one at last.

"Okay," Shining began, "This next one better not be one of those again..."

"You're telling me..." Sunset replied.

The white stallion then grasped the next card in his aura and brought it to his face. After taking one glance at it, he smiled widely. "Awww...Phew!" he said, wiping his brow with a hoof, "Thank Celestia! _____. That's how I want to die."

"What a relief!" Starlight said. I had to agree with her. The 'Pick 2' cards were interesting, but having that many in a sequence like that got old really quick.

"Mine's not gonna work. I guarantee it," I said as I slid my card to the white unicorn.

"Mine probably won't, either," Sunset began, "Unless you really want it."

"Everyone ready?" Shining eventually asked, to which we all nodded, "Alright. Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up. That's how I want to die."

"So...you wanna wrap the rope around your neck and then trap your enemies like that?" Pinkie asked, "Kinda stupid, if you ask me."

"I think that's the point..." I said, slightly annoyed.

"The hiccups," Shining continued, "That's how I want to die. No, it's not. Becoming a blueberry? Not that, either. A tiger pit. That's how I want to die. I'm not quite sure what to say about that one. Getting married, having a few foals, buying some stuff, retiring to Mareami, and dying. That's how I want to die."

"That works better," I said.

"And finally, 72 virgins. That's how I want to die. Yes!" he exclaimed, slamming a hoof on the table in excitement, "Now we're talkin'! Who had this last one?"

"Trixie thanks you wholeheartedly, Prince Shining," the blue unicorn gratefully said as she rightfully took her card.

"You're welcome, Trixie, but please, you don't have to call me 'Prince'. Barely any pony does that, actually."

The magician folded her ears back and glanced away from the stallion. "Trixie was just trying to be polite," she said in a dejected tone.

"I know." Shining replied with a smile, "And...thank you."

Once the two unicorns finished their conversation, Maud picked up the next card in the stack. With her signature monotone vocals, she said, "Man, this is bullshit. Fuck _____."

Right as she finished, I couldn't help but shut my eyes and giggle helplessly. I was used to that card being read in a semi-enraged tone, but hearing it come out of the mouth of Maud Pie of all ponies made it sound way too hilarious.

I wasn't the only one who was lost in a giggling fit at the moment. Both Starlight and Sunset began doing the same thing after glancing at each other briefly.

"What's so funny?" the gray mare asked as she looked at the three of us.

Still chuckling, I replied, "Nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it." After that I noticed a card in my hand that I knew couldn't possibly lose. This was one of those cards where I didn't expect any throwaways, and thankfully, none were tossed in.

It wasn't even ten seconds before Maud had all six cards. I then prepared myself for even more giggles, whether they were from me or from somepony else, as hearing such a dull tone reading such an anger-laden card was sure to induce many of them.

"Man, this is bullshit," Maud began again, "Fuck an unstoppable wave of fire ants." That made so much sense that for some reason, I didn't laugh. "Man, this is bullshit. Fuck swiftly achieving orgasm."

"Ha! Wow!" Shining laughed, "Don't you just hate that?"

"Don't even mention it..." I replied, turning my head downward.

"Man, this is bullshit. Fuck intimacy problems."

"You know," I began again, "I wish I could laugh at all these, but they all make too much sense. What do you guys think?"

"You're right," Starlight said.

"Yeah!" Pinkie followed up, "I can usually crack a laugh pretty easily!"

"Man, this is bullshit. Fuck a world without boxes. You're right," Maud said, looking at me, "These really aren't as much funny as they are sensical. Anyway, man, this is bullshit. Fuck being without a lover."

"Awww...That's sad," Sunset said.

"Man, this is bullshit. Fuck Sudden Poop Explosion Disease."

This made the rest of us laugh quite audibly. I felt that the reason for that was just the awkward name of that fake aliment.

Maud then scanned over her options once more. "I'm gonna have to pick one at random. Give me a second." She then mixed the cards up in preparation for picking a winner. Personally, I would have eliminated a few of them before deciding a winner, even if it involved what Maud was currently doing.

After about 5 seconds, the wait for the winner was over. "Man, this is bullshit," Maud continued, putting one of the cards down, "Fuck an unstoppable wave of fire ants."

"Seriously??" Sunset asked, "Sweet!"

"Darn, I thought Sudden Poop Explosion Disease would work for sure," Starlight said.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, it was funny," Maud blankly replied, "I think your competition was just too much this time around."

"You're right," the light lavender unicorn replied.

As the two mares finished, Pinkie snatched the final card of the round. "Daddy, why is mommy crying?" she asked.

"This," I immediately said, sliding my choice to the pink pony to my right.

"Mine's a throwaway," Starlight said in a sad tone.

"Ready, everyone?" Pinkie eventually said. We all nodded, so she got right into reading the white cards. "Daddy, why is mommy crying? A nuanced critique. Nah. Flesh-eating bacteria. Probably. Shiny objects."

"Did she really find them that beautiful??" I asked.

"Maybe," Pinkie continued, "Anyway, a micropenis."

"Ha!" Sunset laughed.

"Yes, Trixie supposes that is something worth crying over," the great and powerful unicorn said.

"Tiny nipples." This received more short laughs.

"That, too," Trixie said again.

"Fiery poops. Ewww! Well...actually, that makes sense in this case, but I'm going with a micropenis."

"Hooray. I finally get a card..." Maud said. I felt great for her, as I would have felt strange if one player had gone two whole rounds without getting an Awesome Point.

"Nice job, Maud!" Sunset said to the gray mare.

"Thanks," Maud flatly replied, "I didn't think mine would work after I saw the ones that came after it."

"Well," I began, "You guys need another break, or are we good for the next round?"

"How about we just get right into it?" Starlight asked.

"I'm game!" Shining said.

"So am I!" Sunset followed up.

"Let's do it!" Pinkie chirped.

"Alright," I finished, "Let's go!"

Author's Note

After two rounds, the scores are as follows:

Me: 1
Sunset: 4
Starlight: 1
Trixie: 2
Shining: 1
Maud: 1
Pinkie: 4

Also:

Countess Coloratura = Lady Gaga
Hoofing = Fisting
Sombra = Stalin