What I hoped would be only a five-minute break turned out to be more like fifteen minutes. How, I wasn't sure, but nevertheless, I was glad that we were all back and ready to begin the fourth round.

I picked up the next black card, but right before I read it, I felt a little sad. "How am I retaining my relationship status?" I asked. I felt sad because I didn't need to worry about maintaining my relationship status - I wasn't in one.

"Ummm..." I heard Trixie say, "Trixie's not sure that this card will work, but it's the best she has at the moment."

"Same here, Trixie," Sunset said as both unicorns floated me their cards.

"Alright, everypony ready?" I asked as the last card was given to me. All I got were six silent nods, so I wasted no time in beginning to read. "How am I maintaining my relationship status? My sex dungeon. Boy...Nicely played. Getting under her tail, politely. Uhhh...I guess? My humps."

"Ha!" Sunset laughed. I figured that that term had to have been used in the EQG-verse several times, but even now - long after I had finished helping Twilight create this version of the game - I was still surprised that 'my humps' was a well-known term in Equestria.

"Waiting 'till marriage."

"Well, that's one way to keep a relationship healthy," Shining mentioned, "I mean, that's what I did with Cadance."

"And you willingly admit that in front of all of us?" I asked.

"Hey, what harm could it do?"

I paused for a few seconds. "Never mind..." I continued, "Anyway, being marginalized. Nah. A bleached asshole."

"Gross!" Starlight exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'll have to agree with that," I replied, "Who had my humps?"'

"Oh! That was me!" Starlight replied.

"Rats..." Maud spoke, "I thought my sex dungeon would work for sure..."

"It almost did," I replied.

"Aw, shoot!" Sunset exclaimed as she looked at the next card, "I have something that works perfectly for this one!"

"What is it?" Pinkie asked.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by _____."

"Oh my...hahaha!" Starlight laughed lightly while sliding her card to the unicorn to her right, "This is too good!"

"Nah, mine's gonna win," Shining competitively replied.

"Sorry, mine's the winner," I said as I gave my card to Sunset.

"Oh, is it now?" Sunset inquisitively asked in reply.

"Well, it'd better be..." I responded.

"Well, we're about to find out. The class field trip was completely ruined by grandma. Hahaha! What?!?"

"Wow!" Starlight exclaimed while she audibly chuckled.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by penis envy."

"Well, then..." Shining mumbled.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by me. Haha...nice one! The class field trip was completely ruined by testicular torsion."

"You got that right..." I said as I cringed.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by...by..." she cringed. "...walking in on dad peeing into mom's mouth."

"I'm sorry, what?!?" Trixie exclaimed.

"Ewww! Not that one again!" Pinkie shouted in disgust.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by vomiting mid-blowjob. That works, but I'm gonna go with grandma."

"Yes!" Shining replied in delight.

"Come on, really??" I replied, "How does penis envy not ruin a field trip??"

"It actually makes it more exciting!" Sunset replied, "It's fun because females can just sit back and watch all the hating!"

"I...guess that makes sense?" I finished.

Just then, Starlight took the next card in her magic; however, once it was in front of her, her face sported a look of confusion. "Uhhh..." she began, "_____ is to _____ as _____ is to _____. Draw 3, Pick 4."

"Huh?" came the voice of Pinkie, "I don't remember that card."

"It's actually a custom of mine back home," I explained, "Twilight and I made it into a real card for this game."

"Oh! Cool!" the party pony chirped in reply.

After that, the 6 players who weren't the Card Czar each drew 3 additional cards. Once I looked at them and the rest of my hand, I was able to piece together two combos that would work for this card. I knew that this would take a while for all of us, given that this was a scenario that the majority of us weren't expecting. However, this was basically the 'When you get right down to it, _____ is just _____' card times 2, making the laughs last twice as long.

After about a minute, Starlight had 24 cards in front of her, and she wasted no time in starting to read them off. "Okay, here we go," she began, "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears is to the harsh light of day as not getting what you wanted for Hearth's Warming is to dead parents. That...that just doesn't work. Mild autism is to the profoundly handicapped, as fucking a corpse back to life is to not reciprocating oral sex."

"The second half doesn't work all too well," Sunset said.

"You're right," Starlight continued, "Battlefield amputations is to amputees as a pizza stallion who fucked up is to a murder most foul."

Several of us went, "Oooooo..." as the unicorn finished reading that set of cards.

"A sad hoofjob is to being blind and deaf and having no limbs as nursing a ten year old is to whatever you wish, mother."

"Uhhh..." Pinkie began, "I'm not sure whether to find that funny or not."

"Buying the right pants to be cool is to a visually arresting turtleneck as surprise sex is to lots and lots of abortions."

"Wow...That is rather sad..." Trixie said.

"A middle-aged stallion on roller skates is to a subscription to Stallion's Fitness as an endless stream of diarrhea is to having been dead for a while."

"Well," I began, "Creatures do void their bowels after they die..."

"Yeah...but that one's not good enough this time," Starlight continued, "I'm going with the combo that began with battlefield amputations.

Maud then raised a hoof. "That was me..." she said.

"I will say that each and every one of these had something to laugh at," Starlight finished as she floated the black card to Pinkie Pie's older sister. As she did, the great and powerful blue unicorn to her left snagged the next card in her magic.

"What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?" Trixie asked.

"This," Sunset said as she gave her card to her fellow unicorn.

"Nope. This," Shining said as he did the same thing.

"Sorry, guys," I began, "Yours' ain't winnin' today."

"I beg to differ," Starlight said as she gave her entry to her most recent friend.

"So do I..." Maud said.

"Yeah! Me, too!" Pinkie loudly said as she and her sister slid their cards in, "There's no way mine can lose!"

"Well, then. Trixie is excited all of a sudden," the blue unicorn said as she prepared to read off the cards, "What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? A rival dojo. Yes, I suppose that works. An A.K. Yearling plot twist."

"Ha!" Sunset laughed.

"Crippling debt. Yes, that sure is a turn-off. Sexual...peeing??"

"Gross!" Starlight exclaimed.

"Yes, it is, but in this context, it's a rather acceptable answer. Anyway, a hopeless amount of spiders. Again, yes, that works. And finally..." Trixie eyes went wide as she read what was on the last card. "...an oncoming train."

"Whoa, now that's a good one!" Shining said.

"Trixie would say so, too. Who had an oncoming train?"

"I did!" Sunset happily replied.

"Awww!" Pinkie moaned in reply, "How do spiders not work??"

"Cool it, Pinkie," Trixie firmly said, "Does Trixie have to remind you that you had 3 cards at the end of the first round?"

"Ugh...Fine..." Pinkie groaned.

"Alright, what's next?" Shining asked no one in particular as he took the next card in his magic, "Everypony join hooves and close your eyes. Do you sense that? That's the presence of _____ in this room."

"Mine's a throwaway," I immediately said, tossing the prince my card. I wasn't a big fan of this card, and I wondered why it was made in the first place.

Soon, the stallion had all six cards in front of him and began to read them right away. "Everypony join hooves and close your eyes," he continued, "Do you sense that? That's the presence of the invisible hoof in this room."

Right as Shining finished speaking, Pinkie shivered and ducked under the table as if she were Fluttershy after hearing the sound of a nearby Timberwolf.

"You alright, Pinkie?" I asked the party pony, peeking under the table to look at her.

"He made that sound scary..." Pinkie whispered in reply.

"Oh, come on, you're the last pony I'd suspect to be scared of something as crazy the invisible hoof." As I finished speaking, I felt a hoof touch my left shoulder. Thinking it was Sunset, I looked to the yellow-orange pony to my left, only to find that her hooves were nowhere near my shoulder. Realizing that whatever had touched my shoulder was still touching it, I tried brushing it off with my hand, which worked, but then it started bouncing off random areas of my body. I still couldn't see what was making repeated contact with me, which got my adrenaline going madly.

"What going on?!?" I asked loudly.

"Hahahahaha!!!!!" Trixie laughed as I ceased feeling the touch of the unseen perpetrator. A few of the others were laughing, too, including Pinkie, as my reaction had somehow brought her out of her seemingly panicked state. "Oh, you should have seen the look on your face! Hahaha!!!"

"That was you????" I asked the magician in reply.

"It was, yes," she replied as she came down from her laughing fit, "While you were looking down at Pinkie, I used my magic to create an invisible hoof and have it frighten you. I hope I didn't offend you or anything like that."

"Hahaha..." I laughed in feign as Pinkie climbed back into her chair next to me, "Very funny... Continue, Shining."

"Thanks," he replied, "That's the presence of heteronormativity in this room. Maybe? That's the presence of clenched butt cheeks in this room. Did that apply to you in the last minute?" the stallion asked me.

"I'm not sayin' nothin'..." I replied.

"Alright. That's the presence of some damn peace and quiet in this room. That sounds fair. That's the presence of penis breath in this room."

"Oh, how vile!" Trixie said.

"That's the presence of the pony body in this room. Nah, too obvious. I think I'll go with some damn peace and quiet."

"That's mine!" Starlight exclaimed, adding to her gradually growing pile of Awesome Points.

We all then turned to Maud, but her pet rock was sitting next to her ear in her right forehoof. After a few seconds of silence, the gray mare said, "Boulder says he wants to be the Card Czar for this one..."

I was a bit taken aback by what she'd said, but Boulder wasn't all that bad of a character when it came to certain situations. "Go ahead, you two," I said.

Maud then picked up the next card and held it in front of her pet rock. After another few seconds, the mare said, "Here, let me read it for you. Honey, I have a new role-playing game I want to try tonight. You can be _____ and I'll be _____." I immediately spotted two cards in my hand that would go great together for this card.

"Trixie must throw these away, unfortunately..." the blue unicorn said.

"Same here," Starlight said.

Soon, Maud and Boulder had all twelve cards in front of them, and the gray mare immediately began reading them off for her pet rock. "Honey, I have a new role-play I want to try tonight. You can be shapes and colors and I'll be strong female characters."

"How the heck does that work??" I asked.

"You can be whining like a little bitch and I'll be a cop who is also a dog."

"Hahaha!!!" Shining laughed.

"You can be a falcon with a box on its head and I'll be social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion."

"What??" Starlight asked.

"You can be civilian casualties and I'll be explosions."

"Oooooo..." came several of our voices.

"You can be a box that is conscious and wishes it weren't a box and I'll be oncoming traffic. Were both just gonna assume that that's referring to the multitude of taxis that we saw while we were in Manehattan with Pinkie and Rarity. Anyway, you can be ponies with cake in their mouths talking about how good cake is and I'll be how awesome I am." Maud then leaned down so that her right ear was close to Boulder. After a few more seconds, she asked, "That's a little dark, don't you think?" All we did was just stare at the two of them.

"Okay, if you insist..." Maud eventually said, pulling her head back up completely, "Boulder says he likes civilian casualties and explosions the best."

"Yes!" Shining shouted, throwing his forehooves in the air, "I knew that would work!" After taking his card, he brought a hoof to the rock and said, "Thanks, buddy!"

The stallion then gave Boulder a hoof bump, followed by Maud looking at her pet rock for a couple of seconds before turning to Shining and saying, "He says you're welcome..."

I then leaned n close to Sunset and whispered, "I'll never understand that mare and her rock."

"Mm-mmm..." Sunset mumbled in reply, shaking her head.

Soon, Pinkie took the next card and read it out loud. "Hey baby," she began in a seductive tone, "Come back to my place and I'll show you _____." Hearing her sound like that made me giggle lightly.

It didn't take long for us to give the party pony our results, and once she had them, she got right into reading them. "Hey baby," she continued, "Come back to my place and I'll show you nipple blades. Ouch! Come back to my place and I'll show you Fleur de Lis' vagina."

"Haha!!" Shining laughed.

"Come back to my place and I'll show you an uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation."

"That sounds a lot like what Sombra did..." I mentioned.

"Come back to my place and I'll show you three dicks at the same time."

"That guy must have had some eager friends!" Sunset said.

"Come back to my place and I'll show you catapults. Nah. Come back to my place and I'll show you the secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction - which, in this case, is three dicks at the same time. Who had that one?"

"Finally!" I exclaimed, "It's about time!" I was thrilled to have gotten my first Awesome Point since round one.

"Okay," Pinkie continued, "Who wants to go raid Twilight's fridge with me?"

"I'm game!" Sunset said.

"Let's go!" Starlight replied as the three of them sped off. However, unbeknownst to them, Trixie had already transported herself there right after they exited the dining room. I couldn't wait to see the hilarious argument that would ensue when they all returned...

Author's Note

Here are the standings after four rounds:

Me: 2
Sunset: 5
SG: 4
Trixie: 2
SA: 5
Maud: 5
Pinkie: 5