The alarm went off mercilessly, sending wave after wave of its obnoxious tones through the small, two bedroom house. Mere seconds after it began its assault to any and all ears within range, it was silenced. Yes, it was silenced by the lightly tanned arm of a human that had reached out from its blanketed fortress upon its small bed. The arm quickly reached out, allowing the hand attached to the end to grip the noisy device before promptly launching it into the wall. The clock shattered into pieces before cluttering to the ground with light taps as each individual piece landed on the wooden floor.

"Mmm, what you say?" His phone began, as if knowing that this particular event were going to take place.

"Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did. Mmm-" With the quick swipe of a finger, the overplayed monstrosity that was that horrible song died off and Ryan lifted himself into a sitting position on his bed.

He rubbed his eyes before stretching his arms out to his sides and letting out an audible yawn.

While mornings weren't really his cup of coffee, cause 'Fuck Tea', getting up early was the only way he would be able to get anything done. Granted, there wasn't a whole lot that he even needed to do. Hell, he didn't even have a job; He didn't need one. After getting pulled into this colorful nightmare of a world the royal skanks that ruled this place insisted on giving him whatever he needed to survive.

Ryan had originally declined the offer and basically told them to fuck off, but after being homeless for about four or five weeks he didn't have much of a choice. He preferred the small town life, that way there would be less problems about people-er-ponies, getting into his business. With this in mind, Celestia and Luna both agreed to send him to Ponyville; That way he could be content and many of her well-trusted friends would be able to keep an eye on him.

In short, whatever he needed he was given. He now had a cozy house to call his own and steady compensation for "Pain and suffering" from horse people that brought him here. Sadly, he was also given some rather annoying friends.

*Knock Knock*

Speak of the devil and he shall come.

"Fuuuck..." He groaned to no one in particular before climbing out of his bed and sliding on a set of red flannel pajamas to cover his naked body. Being as decently dressed as he could care to be, Ryan made his way to the front door, leaning against it with his eyes still barely open. "I don't want your fucking girl scout cookies! Go away!"

"We're actually not selling cookies." Came a shy and timid voice from the other side, immediately filling the human in on who was standing on the other side of his door.

Ryan let out another groan, this one being just as unsatisfied as the last. After undoing several locks, he cracked open the door. His eyes were instantly assaulted by Celestia's bright ass sun, causing him to wince.

After letting his eyes adjust, he was able to make out the two mares that were waiting for him. One of them stood about his height with yellow fur, a long pink mane, and breasts like you wouldn't believe. The latter of the assets tended to make Ryan a lot less hostile to this particular mare, that and she never gave him too much of a reason to hate her. At this moment, she wore a pair of black sweatpants and a green sweater that hid those magnificent fleshy orbs from Ryan's exhausted looking eyes.

The things we would do to you...

Fluttershy was one he didn't torment too often, her friend on the other hand was kind of split down the middle. While the white unicorn had a gorgeous figure, and could hold a decent conversation, her fashionista ways gave him the undying urge to choke her every now and again. She was dressed in something way too shiny for him to even bother examining. The light was still being pretty rough on his eyes from him just waking up. That and the fact that there was snow all over the place only seemed to make the world that much brighter.

Despite not being their biggest fans, he knew he could trust them enough to at least open his door completely. As he did the cold air whisked its way into his home, taking his normally ninety degree house and dropping it a few dozen notches. With that done, his eyes shifted between the two repeatedly before he finally broke the silence. "...You gonna tell me what you want; or do I get keep standing here with my thumb up my ass?"

Fluttershy flinched a bit, as she did with most of his comments, while Rarity gave him an almost disgusted look.

The yellow Pegasus regained her posture, taking a breath to relax herself. Naturally, the human's eyes locked onto her chest as it rose and fell. "We were just wondering if you wanted to come out with us." She began with a voice like sweet butter. "We could go get coffee, I know how much you like coffee, or maybe even some hot chocolate from Doughnut Joe's?"

If this mare weren't so adorable, on top of having the most fuckable body here, he would have slammed the door in her face. However, he had been secretly pursuing her for a while now. Granted, he was more of the 'Let's fuck and call it a day' kind of guy, so he wasn't looking for a relationship. But, if it takes a date or two to get into her pants, he'd happily follow suit.

A few drinks doesn't sound too bad.

Ryan let out an undetermined grunt before replying. "Fine, let me go get my shit."

Rarity grimaced at his word choice, never liking how openly he would curse. "Well, I never." She muttered under her breath just as Ryan had receded into the house. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't quiet enough.

"WELL I ALWAYS!!!"

The walk was cold despite how warmly Ryan tried to dress. He had covered almost his entire body. A pair of steel-toe boots protected his feet, his legs were concealed by an old pair of blue jeans, and his torso was wrapped in three separate layers of clothing; A black T-shirt, jacket, and vest. He even wore a black face mask that covered the lower half of his face.

His attitude may not have been the most positive in any circumstance, but he was a fairly festive person, prompting him to wear a red and white Christmas/Santa hat. It was approaching, what the ponies would call, Hearths Warming Eve. Ignoring the stupid horse holiday, he went along with what his human calendar would say it was. To put it bluntly; Fuck Hearths Warming. Rock on, Christmas!

The trio entered doughnut Joe's, quickly slipping off their protective-wear as they entered the warm little shop. Ryan, still donning his Christmas hat, trudged up to the counter, placing his makeshift coat on a chair and taking a seat. The two mares soon joined him, sitting to his right with Fluttershy closest to him.

Joe approached them with a smile. Having seen the human more than once in his shop, he had grown accustomed to his odd appearance. He also enjoyed having him around because he brought in a nice change of pace with his sense of humor. Mostly though, it was because he came in for coffee everyday. The coffee was supposed to be free, but since that's almost all he comes in for, he pays anyway. "What can I get for you all today?"

Fluttershy and Rarity shot each other a quick glance, nodding to the other as if they were communicating telepathically. The unicorn looked to Joe and raised a hand. "Two cups of hot chocolate for us, if you will."

Joe nodded and turned his attention to the tired looking human. "The usual for you?"

"Actually, I'd like some vanilla spiced eggnog." Ryan lazily corrected.

Joe raised a brow at Ryan, then finally took notice of the hat he was wearing. "Getting into the spirit of the holiday, huh?"

Get the fucking drink and we will!

"I'm workin on it."

Joe chuckled a bit before moving to the other side of the counter to prepare the orders.

Curiously, Fluttershy glanced over at Ryan. She found him flicking at the white pom pom on the end of his hat that rested on his shoulder. She was almost as surprised as Joe by his order. Pretty much every time she had brought him here, all he drank was coffee.

Ryan looked over, catching the Pegasus with her eyes on him. A blush spread across her face before she quickly started facing forward.

His eyes narrowed at her, "See something you like, weirdo?"

Fluttershy immediately rose up from her seat, coming up with a way to avoid what could potentially become a very awkward situation. How you ask? Because Ryan was pretty well-known for twisting things around like that. "I'll be right back, I need to um...go to the little filly's room."

And with that she was off, leaving Ryan to smirk and turn back toward the counter. Not even a minute had passed and Rarity was already sitting beside Ryan, taking what used to be Fluttershy's seat.

"Why must you tease her so?" She asked curiously, knowing very well that he wanted to hook up with her. "It doesn't seem like a very progressive way to go about achieving your goal."

"Can't help it." He replied, keeping his eyes forward. "It's just in my nature."

Rarity shot him a glance, her expression calling him out on his bullshit. "You and I both know that's not how you would treat her in private." She responded matter-of-factly. "You certainly didn't treat me like that during our little fling either...well, not when other ponies weren't around."

"Exactly!" He said, as if his point had only been proven further. "We were in private all those times, I didn't need to."

She started mulling over a few memories, remembering how differently he acted when he wasn't around other ponies. If it were just him and one other pony, his teasing was toned down immensely, add one more and he went back to being a complete asshole. It just didn't make any sense.

"Can't have ponies thinking I'm picking favorites." Ryan muttered just of enough for her to hear

Don't say that out loud, you jackass!

Before Rarity could get a word out, Joe walked over with three cups levitating in front of him. The drinks were set down in front of them as he flashed the two another smile. "Here you are. Enjoy!"

Joe went into the back to do who knows what.

Rarity, wanting to continue where they had left off, questioned Ryan on his word choice. "What do mean by that?"

"I mean what I said."

"I know that, I just-"

"Of course you do, that's why you're asking me about it." Ryan added sarcastically as he took a sip of his eggnog.

This needs a little something.

Rarity fell silent, beginning to glare daggers at him. "I really don't like that sarcastic tone of yours."

"Well, I don't like your stupid."

BURN!!!

She let out a slight growl and slid back to her seat just in time for Fluttershy to come out of the bathroom. Before the largely-chested mare could make it over, Ryan slipped a hand into his back pocket and pulled out a large flask, quickly opening it up and pouring some of the contents into his drink. He then stuffed the flask back into his pocket, glancing around to make sure nopony had seen what he did.

Fluttershy took her seat, wearing the faintest smile. "I'm back." She said in her usual quiet tone. "I hope I didn't miss anything fun."

Rarity sighed, grabbing the steaming cup in front of her and taking a quick drink. "Believe me, darling. You've missed everything, but."

"Marshmallow!" Ryan yelled.

"Stop calling me that!" Rarity snapped, her head turning to face the human who was now leaning over the counter. His eyes locked onto her, giving her a look that she couldn't really explain. His arm reached behind the counter, grabbing a cup filled with marshmallows before taking a single one out and placing it in his drink.

Embarrassment started to kick in as the realization passed by. "Oh..."

"Well don't you feel just fucking stupid."

One small argument and about six cups of eggnog later; Ryan was starting to feel the effects of his little add on in his drinks. By some miracle he was able to keep spiking his eggnog without getting caught, but the mares took notice of his strange behavior rather quickly.

What was once Hell Incarnate, was now a bubbly ball of laughter. More than once he had gotten out of his seat just to hug a random pony he had never even met. When questioned on this little act, he merely replied with, 'They were cute'.

Fluttershy shot a worried glance at Rarity as Ryan sat in his seat with his head against the counter. "Is he okay? He's acting strange."

"Honestly, I have no idea." Rarity said, not taking her eyes off of the human.

Ryan suddenly shot up out of his seat. "It's Christmas in Hollywood! Santa's back up in the hood!" He reached down, grabbing the hem of his shirt and slowly started pulling it up. "So meet me under the mistletoe, let's fuuuAHHH!!!"

Rape!

Rarity had pretty much just appeared next to Ryan, grabbing hold of his arms to keep him from making another scene in a place where ponies come to enjoy themselves. There were times when he suddenly did a complete 180 with his personality and usually that meant one of two things. Either he was drunk or he was hiding something.

She would have assume the former if they were at a bar, but Doughnut Joe's didn't serve alcohol, which left both her and Fluttershy confused by his behavior. However, the almost stripping episode was more than enough to tell her that he was intoxicated. She didn't know how, but it was clear that he wasn't in the right mind.

"I think it's time we left, wouldn't you say?" She asked the yellow mare beside her, still holding on to Ryan's struggling form.

"I think so." The timid mare replied, quickly paying for everything before rising out of her seat and helping to apprehend the singing human.

"We gave some gifts and we gave some lovin," Ryan continued, still wanting to finish what he had started. "the weird kinda love that you give to your cousin!"

It's gross, but true!

Fluttershy cupped a hand over Ryan's mouth, giving him an apologetic look as she did so. She and Rarity then gathered both theirs and Ryan's belongings before starting the wonderful process of forcing the human out of the building and dragging him off.

Sweetheart, you're grabbing the wrong head!

Another Painfully Cold Walk Later

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Fluttershy asked, not wanting to abandon her friend with Ryan while he was acting like this. It was a trial getting him into the boutique, but he seemed to settle down after they tossed him facedown on the couch.

Rarity waved a dismissive hand to her friend, "I'll be fine, darling." She assured, "I've dealt with him in this state more times than I can count. I can handle it."

Fluttershy offered a smile. She wasn't happy that she's had to deal with him like this on multiple occasions, but it's good that she's worked out how to handle the situation.

Ryan attempted to lift his head, only to collapse back into the couch. "If yyyou cunt...count passed ffff....twenty, then that just looks bad on yaoi."

The mares gave him a confused look, only to shrug his words off not even a second later.

"You should head on home, dear." Rarity suggested, not wanting to subject Fluttershy to anymore of Ryan's drunken behaviors. That and she was afraid he would throw himself at her any minute now. "Don't worry about me, I can take care of him until he's sober enough to walk home."

"Okay, Rarity." She replied, giving her another smile. "Come find me if you need anything."

Fluttershy left, waving to her friends before going her own way.

Once she was gone, all of the kindness had seeped out of Rarity's face; Especially after glancing over at Ryan, who was still face down on her couch.

She walked over to him, standing not even a foot away from the furniture he was resting on with her eyes glued to his form. "I'm waiting..."

"I flushed all of the eminence!" He replied, his voice muffled from having his face buried in her cushions. "You gots nothing to worry about."

"Wha-No!" She snapped, "I mean; Do you have anything to say for yourself!?"

"I like waffles..."

Rarity face palmed, dragging her hand down as she growled to herself. She was about to leave the human to sober up by his lonesome, but felt herself being pulled the opposite direction of where she was walking. With a yelp she collapsed onto the couch, a furless arm quickly wrapping itself around her waist once she landed.

No matter how much she struggled, she couldn't seem to break out of Ryan's grip. It was like trying to pry a snake off of a mouse once they had already coiled around it. "Let me go!"

"Nnnn-no," He said lazily, "I wanna cuddle."

Again, she tried to break free. Her struggles were in vain though; It seemed like every time she was close to breaking free his arm would squeeze her tighter. After what felt like an hour she finally gave up, letting out a defeated sigh as she laid in place with her arms crossed.

This wasn't exactly the best position to be stuck in, in her opinion, but there were worse circumstances that she could have been wrapped up in. With the adventures that she and her friends had taken on, this was pretty tame in comparison.

Her body started to tense up slightly as she felt Ryan's head move against hers. A shiver went up her spine as his breath warmed her neck. "Ryan, stop." Rarity's demanding tone didn't affect him, in fact it made him bury himself further into her. This caused her entire body shudder. "Please stop..."

Nom

Ryan's next response earned him the most adorable moan from her. A quick nip on the mare's neck had her squirming in his hold. Still keeping his grip on her waist, he continued to assault her with his mouth; Gently biting random parts of her neck and shoulder. His free hand eventually found its way up her shirt, pushing past her bra so he could grab onto her right breast.

A sharp intake of air was all he heard from Rarity before she finally cracked. "I hate you so much!"

In the blink of an eye Rarity had managed to turn herself around to face Ryan, aggressively forcing her lips against his and engaging in a very violent make out session.

I don't mind this rape...

Author's Note

Okay...So I was little fucked up when I wrote this. Jack and Eggnog will do that to you. There were SO MANY ERRORS!!! But I still found it enjoyable and I hope you all did too. If you enjoyed this chapter, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Also, feel free to share it with friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P