Ryan glanced over at the bed after slipping his coat on, taking one last look at the naked orange mare still sleeping peacefully. He silently zipped up his coat and tiptoed over to the window, opening it slowly so that it would make as little noise as possible. Once opened he stuck his head out.

Yep, still snowy and cold as fuck.

He cursed under his breath as he looked out over the orchard, but pressed on, easing his legs through and eventually his whole body. Closing the window with the same speed he opened it with, he was positive that he was silent enough not to wake anypony.

Just as he was about to work his way off of the roof, one slip of the foot though was all it took to send him plummeting into the snow padded ground below. He landed with a soft thud, the only truly audible sound made being the crack of his bones from landing on his back.

He gritted his teeth, groaning in pain. "Brain...status report."

Something popped...I don't know what it was...But it hurts

"You're fucking useless." He muttered before forcing himself onto his stomach so he would be able to use his hands to help himself up. "Dammit all, my everything hurts now."

Not your dick.

"With my luck it won't be too long."

Ryan started making his way back to town. He wanted to go home and lock himself up for the next few days, but there were some things he needed to stock up on if he wanted to survive that. Important things; Like food, water-

Don't forget the booze

"Obviously I'm going to forget to buy the only thing that keeps me alive..." He said sarcastically to no one in particular.

It was still pretty early, early enough in fact that even the Apple family was still in bed, so none of the stores were open. "Really didn't think this through."

Maybe listening to me every so often wouldn't be such a bad idea.

"Fuck. Off. Asshole!"

"Who the hay are you yelling at?"

Ryan let out a less-than-manly yelp and jumped from the sudden vocalization. While the area in front of him was empty, he wasn't alone. His eyes shot to the sky, having heard it come from above him, to see the cyan blue, hot-head with a colorful mane and a bad attitude.

He then proceeded to let out a less-than-pleased sigh after realizing who it was. "No one, Dash. Don't worry about it."

Dash hovered down to the ground, landing less than two feet from Ryan. "Don't tell me not to worry about it. I'll worry about it if I damn-well please."

"Does everything have to be a fucking argument?" He asked in a raised tone.

"With you; Yes, it does!"

Things with Rainbow Dash and Ryan had been like this for some time now; Ever since what happened between them...

Day 38: Ryan's House

"Give up yet?" Ryan asked with a victorious grin plastered across his face, his right arm curled around the kneeling blue Pegasus' neck.

"Never..." Rainbow managed to choke out, struggling against him as best as she could in this position.

He squeezed tighter, pulling on her just enough to make her back arch uncomfortably. "Maybe now you'll stop and think about doing your tricks somewhere that won't have you crashing through someone's roof!"

Using a bit more effort than she would like to admit, Rainbow managed to buck Ryan off of her and into a wall just below the hole she created in his ceiling. The cyan mare climbed back to her feet, ready to continue the assault if necessary.

Ryan took a second to recuperate.

Girl's got one hell of a kick.

"No shit..."

Day 39: Park Bench

"You really thought I was a burglar?" Rainbow asked with a bit of a laugh.

"At first! Think about it this way for a second;" Ryan began, "In a world where people don't have wings or magic, someone falling through your roof isn't a very common occurrence. However, the few times where it does happen, it's either a burglar, a stalker, or a serial killer."

Her eyes widened a bit at this. "Woah...I guess that explains why you freaked out and attacked me."

"I'm just surprised more ponies haven't attacked you."

Rainbow chuckled softly. "I have had a few close calls, but most ponies just throw me out."

Ryan shook his head, looking disappointed. "You ponies are way too nice to each other."

Day 62: Ponyville

Ryan had pretty much tuned out Rainbow Dash during their walk. This had become fairly normal for them after they actually started hanging out. During these moments she would go on and on about what she wanted to do with the Wonderbolts. After she got accepted into their academy and was eventually put on the team, she pretty much never shut up about them.

A light blue hand entered Ryan's vision, the sound of its fingers snapping pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Hello!" Rainbow practically yelled into his ear. "Equestria to Ryan, are you in there?"

Ryan swatted at her hand as the mare tried digging her fingers into his ear. This little act also became common between the two. The human's tendency to zone out every now and again had the annoyed Pegasus looking for any way to bring him back to reality.

Rainbow Dash laughed as he slapped her hand away from him before sliding it into one of her pockets and continuing to walk in silence with him for a moment.

After a few minutes had passed she took the liberty of stepping out in front of Ryan, making him stop and stare at her in confusion.

What's she doing?

"How long have we known each other?" She asked, only further kicking his confusion.

Ryan raised a hand and scratched at his head. "Pretty much since I moved here?"
What is she doing!?

She started to rock back and forth on her feet nervously, looking in every direction but his. "So, it's safe to say that it's been just under four weeks, right?"

"I guess..." He said as Rainbow Dash pointed her head to the ground, her eyes sealing themselves shut as she appeared to be struggling with something.

I know she's planning something!

"I know this is sudden, but..." She pulled her hand out of her pocket, holding up a bright blue feather in front of him.

*Shatter*

Ryan stared at the feather, his brain officially fried and already giving up on trying to understand what was going on. At this point, it was easier just to accept what was happening.

He grabbed the feather, causing Rainbow to barely open one of her eyes and watch him examine it.

Jesus Christ, all of that over a feather? You'd think she was trying to ask us out.

"This is one of yours, right?" He asked, still not focusing much on anything.

"Yeah," She barely managed to force out. Attempting to speak right now was probably the most difficult thing she's had to do since trying to change her nickname in the academy. "it's one of my primary's."

...Is she saying we need more color or something?

With a quick shrug he stuck the feather between his head and his ear, angling it so it curled upward slightly. "There, am I pretty enough for you now?"

Rainbow's breath became caught in her throat as excitement started to overtake her. The usually hard-headed tomboy horse was giggling like a schoolgirl with a dazed look about her. That odd moment passed as she tackled Ryan to the ground in an odd combination of huggles and snuggles.

Not even ten minutes later she practically dragged him back to his house where they proceeded to have some of the fastest paced sex he had ever experience. Usually he lasted a lot longer than half an hour, but with the speed she would pick up while riding him, it became a difficult feat.

Day 65: Twilight's Castle

"It means what!?" Ryan shouted at the alicorn princess, grabbing the blue feather from the side of his head and tossing it away from him.

A few minutes ago he had walked in and Twilight spotted the feather. She teased him about it at first, but he clearly wasn't getting the joke. Then she asked him a few questions, learning quickly that; The feather was a primary, it belonged to Rainbow Dash, she had given it to him, and he accepted it without knowing its meaning.

"How could you have not known this?" Twilight asked with a certain amount of shock. "This is common pony knowledge!"

"I AM NOT A FUCKING HORSE!!!" He snapped, "I do not know this shit!"

In most cases, the word horse would be deemed offensive, but after a long heated argument the last time he called them horses, she could understand his usage of it.

We are in quite the spot, good sir.

Ryan collapsed ass first onto the floor, eventually letting the rest of him collide with the ground. "What the fuck am I gonna do?" He asked no one in particular. "God dammit, she thinks we're dating..."

Twilight placed a finger to her chin. "How long have you two been together? In her eyes, of course."

He let out a sigh as he pressed his hands against his face. "About three days, I think."

Her eyes went wide. Although she and Ryan never spent too much time around each other, she did like to keep up with what he did on a regular basis. "Then that would mean-"

"I already cheated on her twice." Ryan finished for her. "I know; now I feel like an ass."

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. "I guess the only thing you could do now is-"

"Spill the beans, tell her I didn't know, probably break her heart." He finished again.

"Well, when you put it that way it makes it sound like a bad idea."

"It's not the worst, but it has to be done."

Same Day: Somewhere on the outskirts of Ponyville

Rainbow Dash came zooming out of the clouds like a bullet, surprising Ryan as she managed to bring herself to a full stop just inches away from him.

"Hey, how's it going?" She asked with a large smile, looking like the absolute happiest mare in Equestria. Before Ryan could reply, the mare was upon him, her lips pressed firmly against his. She pulled away, breathing heavily onto his face. "I can't talk for long, got a lot of cloud busting to do. Whatcha need?"

Ryan blinked a few times, shaking his head a bit to clear his mind so he could talk to her. "Right, I needed to talk to you about-"

"Where's my feather?" Rainbow asked, taking notice that it wasn't in its usual place behind his ear. "Do you still have it?"

"That's actually what I came here to-"

"Did you lose it?" She asked, once again cutting him off. "If you did you don't really need to worry about it."

"Rainbow Dash, we really need to-"

"I mean, we're already together anyways."

The girl kept going on and on. She was like a blue, slim, athletic version of Pinkie pie right now and it just wouldn't end. Every time he tried to speak she'd cut him off not even three words in. It was starting to get annoying, which was clear by the single vein pulsing just in front of his temple.

Ryan placed both hands to his head as he started the downward spiral of losing his metaphorical shit. "Schließen Sie Ihren Mund, Sie verrückt fuck!"

Rainbow Dash fell silent, mostly out of confusion. For one, she didn't understand why he sounded angry. For two, she had no idea he was bilingual...She also didn't have a clue what the sam hell he just said.

Ryan took a deep breath, letting the blood that had rushed to his face slowly sink back into his body. "We need to talk."

She took a few steps back from him. "Okay..."

"First off; I'm as sorry as I can be for this," He began, "but I had no idea what the fuck that whole feather thing was about. I didn't know what it meant to accept your feather."

That sounds and feels really weird when you say it out loud

"I know this is going to sound WAY overused," Ryan continued, doing his best to say what he could before she could possibly get mad at him. "but it's not you. This is my fault, I'm not looking for a relationship."

Rainbow Dash looked like she was about ready to bawl her eyes out. The mare who, at one point, looked like she could take on the world with her smiling face now looked like she was about to end her own life. "H-how could you not have known?"

Ryan could tell by her tone that she wanted to sound angry, but her expression made it all too clear how she was feeling. "Call me uncultured, but I didn't know."

She wanted desperately not to believe him, to come up with some other reason why he wouldn't want to be with her. He mind settled on one of the worst possible solutions. "There's somepony else isn't there?"

"What?"

"Who is she!?" The rainbow maned Pegasus snapped, looking ready to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone. "Tell me who she is and I'll make sure she can't come between us!"

"Will you stop!" He yelled back. "I didn't know! It's a simple as that! Excuse me for not knowing that your stupid fucking feather counted as wedding ring in this backward ass, retarded, horse society!"

It was in that moment that Ryan knew he had fucked up. A single swing directly to the side of his head from the pissed off mare was all he needed to know that his point had come across.

Did I say 'good sir'? I meant, Dumb Bitch...

Present Day

After that, the two had been stuck in a twisted Love/Hate relationship. Ryan knew that she still cared a great deal for him, and that she would even stalk him from time to time, but she never let go of that grudge either. The most positive interaction between the two was when they would get into a heated argument, become fuming mad, then fuck like animals before one eventually threw the other out of a closed window.

"Look, sweetheart-"

"Don't call me that." She hissed.

"Okay, bitch." He corrected, making her eyes narrow at him. "I don't have the time nor the energy to deal with you right now. So if you don't mind, I'd like to go home."

Ryan tried to walk past her, but she moved in front of him. "Oh, so you have time to buck my friends, but you can't talk to me?"

His eyes wandered around for a second, as if he were contemplating a thought. "Yeah, pretty much."

The tension in the air suddenly started to thicken immensely. What was once a gentle breeze caressing your body and filling your body with life was now a deadly toxin that could give you cancer upon inhalation.

Rainbow was about ready to start another onslaught of flying fists with the human, but a sudden rush of pink ran across her sight with the speed of a demon on cocaine. The only thing she could really see was the brightly colored blur and the area in front of her now being devoid of any living creature.

The growl that escaped her throat could reduce even the strongest of men into a puddle of piss.

Ryan's body slammed into a wall with enough force to shatter bones, luckily for him nothing was broken. But damn, did it hurt. The next thing to grace his sight was the always bubbly and hyperactive pink maniac that tormented this town. He also took in enough of his surroundings to know that he was inside of Sugar Cube Corner. How that mare moves so fast and doesn't do drugs will remain a mystery until the end of days.

"Sorry about that, Ryan." She said in her usual high pitched tone, nearly making his eardrums pop. "I just had to get you out of there. It looked like you two were gonna start fighting again and last time you broke A LOT of stuff."

The almost broken human raised an arm to the back of his head, feeling a slight lump forming from the impact. The fight that would have broken out would have probably left him in a much worse condition, so this was acceptable. "Yeah, thanks Pinks."

"No problem!" She said as she bounded over into the back room, coming back only seconds later with an ice pack. "Here you go!"

Ryan accepted the pack, placing it against his now throbbing head in an attempt to bring down the swelling. "I can already tell that today is gonna suck."

Pinkie let out an over exaggerated gasp, her hands pressing firmly against both sides of her head. "It's not even six in the morning and you already know that today will be bad?"

The pink mare suddenly took a more determined stance beside Ryan. "Auntie Pinkie cannot allow this!" she spoke purpose, sounding as if she had just accepted some kind of dangerous mission, only to quickly go back to her normal obnoxiousness. "I will personally see to it that today will be the funnest ever!"

"You can stay here all day and I will give you all the attention you could ask for!" She finally finished, earning an unpleasant sigh from the human.

Oh God, kill me now...

Author's Note

Even comedies have their serious moments. Don't worry, tis isn;t going to be a regular occurrence. Regardless, I still hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. If you are, feel free to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share this story with your friends and leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P