Tales of Angrish

Tales of Angrish

Part Two: MORE SLAANESHI FAGS?

A resounding crash sounded through the Carousel Boutique, making Rarity jump in fright.
“You didn’t do that did you Pinkie Pie?”she asked with concern.
Pinkie’s gaze rocketed skywards as she thought hard.
“Nope! Nothing of mine should have done that… at least for another few hours. I mean unless there was a misfire or one of the fuses was cut too short or a silly filly wondered what that button would do...”
Rarity stared at her friend for a moment, a look of pure incomprehension. on her face.
“Pardon?”
“Nothing!” Pinkie said dismissively, leaping off the podium she was standing on.
“Pinkie, get back up there! However am I supposed to use you as a model if you are bouncing around like that?”
“But I want to see what the big crash was!” Pinkie whined.
“I’m sure it was Sweetie or one of her friends. They’re always getting into some sort of mischief.” Rarity said ushering Pinkie back to the podium.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? AM I ON A PLANET POPULATED JUST BY GAY LITTLE SHITS?” A booming voice roared out from downstairs.
“That doesn’t sound like Sweetie…” Rarity muttered with concern. “She would never use such… foul language.”
Pinkie’s ears shot up instantly.
“NEW PONY!” She squealed in delight, racing out of the door in a bright pink whirlwind.
“Oh Pinkie… Do be car-.” Rarity winced as heard several loud crashes come from the foyer.
“OH FUCK NO, MORE SLAANESHI FUCKTARDS!” A voice yelled out as another squeal of delight floated through the open door.
Rarity cast one more disappointed look at the discarded dress before galloping after her friend.

Pounder’s eye twitched violent, the movement transferring to his helmet lenses as the knee high pony bounced around him in a sickeningly cheerful manner. He wasn’t sure whether the bright shade of ‘FAGGOT PINK’ or her obnoxious singing was more rage inducing.
His fingers twitched reflexively, reaching for his missing power chair. He wanted to do nothing more than smash this pink little faggot across the face with it.
“WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SLAANESHI FAG?” He bellowed, his arm whipping out and picking Pinkie Pie up in a vicious throat hold. Despite his gauntleted fist crushing the pony’s windpipe, she continued babbling, unaffected by such trivial things such as a need for oxygen.
“YOU OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH ONE MORE TIME AND I’M GOING TO USE YOU TO PLAY ‘PIN THE PONY ON THE CARNIFEX’.” Pounder roared.
The pink pony was unfazed.
“That sounds like fun!” Pinkie giggled, slipping out of his grip as if she had suddenly been covered in grease. “Do you have a Carnifex here? Doesn’t matter, I’m sure I have one in my party box. I have everything in my party box."
Pounder fell silent for a moment. “YOU’RE HURTING MY HEAD BITCH.” He finally yelled. “JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.”
Pinkie ignored him and started babbling about welcoming him to Ponyville.
“Hey, since you’re new here I’m going to have to throw you a party!” She yelled excitedly.
“A PARTY? WILL THERE BE BOOZE?” Pounder asked, suddenly curious.
Pinkie shook her head. “This is a kids show remember!”
“WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT ABOUT BITCHES?”
Pinkie shook her head again. “No bitches.”
“WHAT THE HELL SORT OF GAY FAGGOT PARTY DO YOU THROW AROUND HERE THEN?”
“They’re so much fun! We play games, sing songs, eat awesome-super-delicious cupcakes and then we’ll all be friends!”
“I’M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND I’M NOT GOING TO SOME GAY COCKSICKLE PARTY YOU STUPID SLAANESHI PRICK. ONLY SOMETHING SO PANTS-ON-HEAD-RETARDEDLY STUPID WOULD WANT TO BE AROUND YOU.”
“You’re… You’re… Not going to be my friend?” Pinkie asked, her annoying bubbly behaviour bursting like a balloon. Tears started welling up in her eyes.
“NO, NOW GO BAWL YOUR EYES OUT YOU STUPID WHORE, MAYBE YOU CAN GO SUCK SOME OTHER FAGS DICK AND HARDEN THE FUCK UP. BOO-HOO, BITCH.”
Pounder roared, picking Pinkie up and throwing her towards a window.
“FUCKING SCORE!” He yelled fist pumping the air as Pinkie sailed cleanly through the window.
“Stop that right now you… you… brute!” An upper-class voice cried out from behind him. Pounder wheeled around, ready to take on this new interloper.
“HAHAHA! WHAT ARE YOU A TALKING MARSHMALLOW?” He roared with laughter as he saw his new target.
“Get out of my shop now!” The white pony ordered.
“THIS IS YOUR SHOP? NO WONDER IT REEKS OF FAGGORY. DON’T SUPPOSE YOU’VE GOTTEN ANY HARDCORE PORN MAGAZINES AND NOT JUST FUCKING FRILLY DRESSES DO YOU?
Rarity hid a blush. The yellow giant either was either guessing or somehow knew about her secret collection of books hidden under her bed.
“I... I said out, you ruffian! Or else!”
“OH, I’M SO SCARED.” Pounder wailed in mock fear. “I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR SHIT UP!” He roared, grabbing a permanent marker from a storage compartment in his armour. Within a few seconds the walls were covered in crude scribblings, phalluses and raised middle fingers being most common. A few choice swear words were thrown in for good measure.
“I’M MESSING WITH YOUR SHIT BITCH.” Pounder laughed as he continued to graffiti the front room of the boutique with gusto.
“Stop that right now!” Rarity yelled, trying to sound brave but her voice cracked in fear.
“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? POKE ME TO DEATH WITH YOUR LITTLE FAGGOTY HORN?” Pounder bellowed, smashing a mannequin to splinters over his knee. “I’M QUIVERING IN FEAR…” He trailed off as he noticed the ground starting to shake.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” he yelled as the roar of an engine and the smell of burning promethium suddenly reached his senses. Pounder’s eyes lit up as he recognised the smell. Imperial tank fuel.
“MAYBE THOSE PRETTY MARINE FAGS HAVE COME TO SAVE THEIR FUCKING LITTLE PONIES. OR MAYBE THEY’VE COME FOR THEIR LATEST DRESS ORDER.” He yelled, searching for the source of the noise.
Impossibly, it was coming from behind a small door at the back of the room.
“HOW THE FU-.” Pounder managed to say before the wall exploded outwards as a house sized Baneblade smashed through into the foyer. The mighty tank effortlessly rolled over the debris, its hull mounted demolisher cannon tracking towards Pounder.
With a bang that sounded like the world ending, the gun discharged, sending the fuming Marine flying into the sky.
“FUCKING TACTICAL GENIUS.” Pounder roared as he arched through the sky towards a farm. “CREEEEEEEEEEED!”

Rarity opened her eyes and nearly fainted at the sight of the mighty war machine now idling in her shop. What was more surprising though, was to see Pinkie riding on the turret, an insane grin on her face. A short, stocky beast leaned out of a turret hatch next to her, a cigar that emanated power and manliness clenched firmly between his teeth.
“Thanks for the tank Mr. Creed.” Pinkie said cheerfully, leaping down several meters from the turret to the ground.
“Any time Pinkie. Just give me a call.” The squat man replied back throwing her a lopsided grin. He banged on the cupola several times. “Right, forward. Full power!” he roared, the tank chugging into motion beneath him.
“Bye Mr. Creed!” Pinkie yelled as the Tank charged out of the boutique, crashing through another wall effortlessly. A few cries of surprise and fear came from outside as the massive vehicle roared through the village.
Rarity stared dumbstruck as the metal monster chugged out of view.
“Pinkie… What… What was that?”
“Oh just called in a favour from an old friend, you know how it is.” She said waving a hood dismissively.
“How… How… did… that... that thing, get in my kitchen?” Rarity asked, turning to face the back wall. What she found most disturbing of all was that the there was only one hole in the wall, the one the tank had made as it thundered out. Somehow, the tank had been in her kitchen the whole time without anyone noticing. It was almost if the tank had just magically appeared.
Pinkie shrugged. “Mr. Creed is good at that. I don’t even know how he does it, he tells me he can’t do it to horses though, because that’s just silly apparently.”
Rarity was stunned into silence. A beam of wood dislodged from the roof and fell to the floor with a loud crash.
“So were we designing this dress or what?” Pinkie asked, turning to her friend as if nothing had ever happened.
“I…I…I…”
Rarity fainted.