Tales of Angrish

Tale of Angrish
Part three: YOU’RE A FUCKING SLEDGEHAMMER.

“Come on Applejack, you can do better than that.” Rainbow jeered as Applejack slipped over her.
“Shut yer mouth.” Applejack grunted as she forced herself against the cyan Pegasus again.
“You’ve gotten weak AJ, we should do this more often.”
“Really?”
“Yeah… and I’ll win every time. I’ll always last longer than you will.”
“You’re on.” Applejack groaned through clenched teeth. “How’d you get so good at it?”
“I practice, mostly on stallions but some of the mares in town are eager for a try as well.” Rainbow panted.
“FUCKING HELL! SMASH IT HARDER.”
“What was that?” Rainbow asked, looking up from the orange farmer.
“Nuthin, now back at it Rainbow.” Applejack gasped, amazed at how good the Pegasus was even when she was distracted.
“YOU BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF SHIT WITH YOUR HOOVES YOU DUMB FUCK, OR, BARRING THAT, BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF SHIT WITH WHATEVER'S AVAILABLE. AND IF YOU'RE TOO PANTS-ON-HEAD-RETARDED TO FIND SOMETHING TO HIT THEN YOU BETTER FUCKING START BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THE GROUND BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED THIS PLANET HASN'T CONFESSED ITS SINS AGAINST THE EMPEROR YET.” The mysterious voice yelled again.
Rainbow looked up again. “Seriously, what is that?”
“I said it was nuthin, now back down here.”
“Fine...” Rainbow muttered, returning to the orange mare.
“Hey AJ, you don’t know what that mighty ruckus down on the sou-.” Big Mac trailed off as he entered the room and took in the sight in front of him.
Applejack looked up at her wide-eyed brother.
“What, ain’t you ever see two mares hoof wrestle before?”
“Ee-yup, that just didn’t sound like hoof wrestling to me.” Big Mac said truthfully.
“That’s disgusting.” Rainbow said, her face going pale.
“Now as I was sayin’, what’s with the ruckus down on the south field, and where have Applebloom and those little friends of hers gone?”
Applejack’s gaze unfocused for a moment as her brain put two and two together to get five.
“AJ? What’s wrong?” Rainbow asked, fluttering above Applejack.
“This can’t be good…” She finally said, barging past Big Mac and galloping towards the south fields, Big Mac and Rainbow Dash at her heels.

“Ah’m not a sledgehammer!” Applebloom cried as Pounder swung her up and down.
“WELL YOU SURE AS HELL WORK AS A PRETTY FUCKING GOOD ONE YOU WHINY LITTLE BITCH!” He yelled, smashing her into the old barn several times.
“Put me down!”
“OK, HEY SHITHEAD! GO LONG!” He bellowed at nothing in particular before punting Applebloom out of sight.
“HEY, YOU. ORANGE CHICKEN, GET UP HERE!” He bellowed from the roof of the barn down at the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“W-W-why?” Scootaloo asked nervously.
“YOU’RE NOT BASHING SHIT DOWN THERE SO YOU CAN BASH SHIT UP HERE. BESIDES, I NEED A NEW SLEDGEHAMMER AND YOU PONIES MAKE PRETTY FUCKING NEAT CUDGELS.”
“I don’t like the sound of that…” Scootaloo whimpered.
“WELL THEN MAYBE WE CAN PLAY A GAME OF LICK THE CATACHAN BARKING TOAD YOU PIECE OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.” Pounder roared, smashing another hole in the roof with his fists.
“Fried… Chicken?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“FUCKING HELL, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?” Pounder yelled, leaping down from the barn with an earth shaking impact.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle instinctively drew away.
“YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU!” Pounder yelled at them. He pulled several grenades off his belt and in one deft motion threw the bundle inside the badly beaten barn. A few seconds later the barn erupted in a massive fireball as the grenades exploded.
“THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE BITCHES!” Pounder roared, picking Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle up by their tails.
“NOW YOU TWO GET YOUR PUSSY ARSES IN ORDER BEFORE I SHOVE A POWER BOOT SO FAR UP THERE YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE A SQUAT.”
“Yes sir.” They replied shakily.
“Beats Fags With A Power Chair, what are ya doing?!” A southern voice yelled out from behind them.
“HEY THE DICKWAD IS BACK. I’M FUCKING SHIT UP JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO BITCH.”
“Put those fillies down!” Applejack ordered.
Pounder obediently dropped the two fillies face first into the dirt.
“Whoa, what is that thing Applejack?” asked a new voice.
“I’M A FUCKING ANGRY MARINE YOU GAY RAINBOW FAG.” Pounder yelled at the flying pony.
“What did you call me?” Rainbow asked, shooting right up into Pounder’s face.
“A GAY RAINBOW FAG YOU FAG.” Pounder bellowed.
Rainbow Dash growled and held her front hooves up as if she intended to go a round of fisticuffs.
“Stick ‘em up punk! I’m gonna ground you so fast. I’m a combat specialist.”
Pounder laughed loudly. “YOUR MUMS A FUCKING COMBAT SPECIALIST... WITH MY DICK.” He plucked Rainbow effortlessly out of the air by her tail and held her at eye level. “YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT FAG, IT WAS A FURIOUS BATTLE!”
“Hey, put me down!” Rainbow Dash yelled, squirming to get out of his grip.
“IS THAT ALL YOU FUCKTARDS EVER SAY?” Pounder yelled before spinning her around and hurling her at a section of still standing wall.
“PROPERTY DAMAGE!” He bellowed as the wall came down on top of the ‘ABSOULTELY FAGGOTROCIOUS RAINBOW PONY’ with a loud crash.
“Rainbow!” Applejack cried out. “You okay?”
“Never better…” A muffled voice came from underneath the rubble.
Applejack wheeled around to face Pounder, an angry look on her face.
“Git off ma farm.”
“HOW ABOUT NO?” Pounder shot back. “I ALREADY CHECKED FOR FUCKING BANEBLADES IN THE BARN AND BEHIND ALL THE TREES SO GOOD LUCK FORCING ME OUT, BITCH. MAYBE I SHOULD SMASH SOME TREES, I HEAR WOOD SPLINTERS ARE A FUCKING BITCH TO GET OUT.”
“Big Mac, we got some pest control to do!” Applejack hollered.
The large red earth pony behind her nodded silently and moved towards Pounder.
“OH LOOK, A FUCKING TOMATO. WHO’S THIS, YOUR GAY HUSBAND?”
“He’s ma brother,” Applejack growled.
“OH SO HE’S ‘BIG MAC’, I GET IT NOW. I’D BET YOU’D KNOW HOW BIG HE IS, WOULDN’T YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING INBRED REDNECK.”
Applejack flushed red.
“WHERE’S THAT LITTLE SLEDGEHAMMER GONE? MUST HAVE BEEN SOME KINKY SHIT BETWEEN YOU TWO FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YEAH?” Pounder yelled. “YOU MAY AS WELL BE FUCKING CHAOS PRETTY MARINES WITH ALL YOUR GAY FAIRYARSED PANTSHITTERY!”
“Big Mac, get rid of him.” Applejack growled.
“Ee-yup.” Big Mac said simply before turning around and bucking Pounder in the groin. The force of the blow cracked the Angry Marine’s groin plate and sent him flying towards the Everfree forest.
“THAT WAS MY FUCKING BALLS YOU GLORFIED CUNT SNIFFING SHITBREATHED HEMORRHOID. I’LL FUCK YOU ALL UP YOU PANSY FUCKING PONY ASS-STRUMMERS. FUUUUUUUCCK YOU!” He roared as he sailed away, his eyes full of unquenchable rage against all things equine.

“I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again.” Applejack chuckled, moving over the crumbled remains of the barn to help Rainbow Dash.
“You alright Sugarcube?” She asked as she excavated her friend from the rubble.
“Where’d he go? I’m going to buck him so hard he’ll feel it in the next life.” She growled, looking around for the Angry Marine.
“Big Mac sent him packing.” Applejack said simply. “You girls alright?” She asked the stunned Cutie Mark Crusaders.
They nodded shakily.
“Where’s Applebloom?”
“Ah’m right here Sis!” Applebloom yelled excitedly, galloping towards the small group of ponies. “Look guys, I got ma cutie mark!” She gushed, proudly displaying a massive sledgehammer emblazoned on her flank.
“Well that’s great; whoever knew your special talent was being a sledgehammer?” Applejack said, patting Applebloom on the head in a 'there-there' sort of manner.
“Applejack! Where did he go?” Rainbow interrupted. “I want to kick some arse!”
“I dunno, he flew over that way. There ain’t nothing over there but the Everfree forest and Flut-.” She stopped mid sentence, her eyes widening in horror.
“Fluttershy.” They said together.