Tales of Angrish

Tales of Angrish

Part four: BUTTER

For the third time that day, Pounder hauled himself out of a crater with a flurry of curses.
“FUCKING GAY LITTLE COCK-SUCKING PONIES, I’M GOING RIP THEIR HEADS OFF AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP THEIR FUCKING ARSES THEY’LL BE SEEING OUT OF THEIR THROATS.” He roared, examining his new surroundings.
He was in a dark, dank forest. The smell of decaying vegetation and the tang of the unnatural permeated the air. The quiet calls of unseen animals reached his finely tuned senses.
“AT LEAST EVERYTHING ISN’T BRIGHTER THAN A FUCKING EIGHT YEAR OLD LITTLE SHITS COLOURING BOOK IN HERE.” Pounder yelled as he carved a path through the dense foliage effortlessly.
A quiet growling off to Pounder’s right made him spin around. A pair of glowing green eyes stared out at him from the dark recesses of the forest. A moment later, several other pairs of eyes blinked into existence.
“STOP HIDING YOU PUSSY, I’LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF AND FEED THEM TO YOU, YOU FAGGOT.” Pounder roared.
Pounder whipped around to his left at a loud bark. A waist high wolf curiously made of wood circled him and growled loudly.
“FUCKING SPACE WOLF FURRIES, WHAT ARE YOUR PUSSY LITTLE CHIWAWAS DOING HERE?” Pounder roared, pounding his chest plate.
The wolf growled louder. Pounder became aware that he was surrounded by the creatures.
“BRING IT YOU INCOMPETENT LITTLE NIPPLE LICKERS.”
The first wolf wasted no time holding back on his invitation.
“FOR THE EMPREROR, BITCHES!” Pounder roared, dodging the first wolfs lunge and shattering its neck with his fist. Splinters of wood sprayed everywhere and the creature fell to the ground limp.
“PANSY FAGGOTS!” Pounder roared as he hefted another unfortunate wolf and used it as an improvised hammer against its fellows. The wolf whimpered as Ponder swung it around in a path of destruction. “GO BACK TO YOUR FUCKING FURRY MASTERS AND BE ALL GAY AND FURRY YOU FUCKERS.” Pounder roared as the last of the pack turned to splinters under his furious blows. A few remaining wolves fled, their tails between their legs.
“THAT’S RIGHT YOU FURFAGS, RUN!” Pounder roared after the fleeing wolves.. He hurled the wolf he had been using as a hammer at a tree, destroying it in another shower of splinters.
“Eep!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP TREE!” Pounder yelled at the tree which had made the surprised sound. He marched over to it, surprised to notice a thin trailing pink strand. Following the strand he locked eyes with a butter coloured pony.
“FUCKING HELL I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THESE FUCKING PONYFAGS.” Pounder yelled, shaking the tree in rage.
The pony whimpered again.
“GET DOWN FROM THERE. I NEED A NEW SLEDGEHAMMER TO FUCK THAT REDNECK TOMATO UP WITH.”
The pony covered her eyes as Pounder shook the tree more viciously.
“I SAID DOWN. YOU KNOW WHICH WAY IS DOWN YOU STUPID BITCH?” Pounder roared as the yellow pony shakily spread a pair of wings and flapped through the trees away from him.
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING? I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU.” Pounder roared, sprinting after the pony. He made it a few meters before tripping over a hard metal object.
“FUCKING HELL WHAT THE HE-. YES! FUCKING SWEET!” He roared as he investigated what he tripped over.
Jammed in the mud beneath him, now with a dent from where he had kicked it, was his power chair. Effortlessly pulling it from the mud’s hold, Pounder set off after the pony.

“BUTTERSTICK, WHERE’D YOU GO?” Pounder yelled as he trekked through the forest, power chair in hand. “PROMISE I WON’T HURT YOU. OK I’M LYING, I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING LITTLE HEAD OFF AND WEAR IT AS A HAT.”
Unsurprisingly, Pounder didn’t get a reply.
“MAYBE I CAN MAKE IT INTO A HANDBAG. I’M SURE THOSE FAGGOT MARINES WILL LOVE IT. MAYBE THEY CAN PUT THEIR DICKS IN IT OR SOMETHING. IF THEY HAD DICKS THAT IS, THOSE FUCKING PUSSIES.” Pounder roared.
He took another few steps forward and suddenly found himself at the edge of the forest. A large field with a road leading to the village he seen before lay in front of him. In the distance he saw the apple farm he had been rudely evicted from. A trail of destruction led through the town, presumably from the ‘ABSOLUTELY MOST FUCKING RIDICULOUS UNTILMATT WARD WROTE THE GREY KNIGHT CODEX ALLOWING GOD-DAMN BANEBLADES TO BE FUCKING SNEAKY’. A small cottage next to a stream lay off the Pounders left. Whether it was the plethora of small furry creatures around it or the fact the cottage looked like it was smugly staring at him, the place reeked of faggotry.
“HEY BUTTERFAG, OPEN UP.” Pounder roared as he approached the front door.
“No” Came a tiny voice.
“THERE’S ONLY ONE CORRECT ANSWER BITCH!”
“No.”
Pounder smashed his fist through the door and ripped it off its hinges.
“I said…NO!”
Pounder’s eyes widened in surprise as an ungodly fast streak of yellow flew towards the door and slammed into him with the force of a battle barge ramming a planet.
“”HOLY FUCK.” Pounder roared as the ‘SO GOD-DAMN ANGRY IT MAKES TEMPERUS MAXIMUS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WEEABOO’ pony punched and kicked him. He felt his limbs bend in ways they weren’t supposed to and within seconds the yellow and pink ball of rage had him tied in a literal knot of limbs.
“I SAID NO YOU YELLOW DICK-ENCRUSTED PIECE OF SHIT.” Fluttershy boomed, her voice making Pounder’s seem baby like.
“WHAT THE FU-.”
“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU PUSSY. YOU THINK YOU’RE ANGRY? I’M FUCKING ANGRY, FAGGOT.”
“FUCK YOU. YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE PANSY-ARSE PONY.” Pounder roared back, freeing himself from the knot she had put him in. “I’M A FUCKING ANGRY MARINE, ANGRIEST SON-OF-A-BITCH AROUND. GOT IT DICKWAD?”
"NO ONE TRIES TO HURT ME OR MY FRIENDS GOT IT DICKHEAD?" Fluttershy roared, glaring into Pounder's eyes.
"OH GREAT, IT WAS NEARLY TIME FOR MY MIDDAY MEAL AND I WAS JUST GOING TO KILL A FUCKTON OF LITTLE BUNNIES AND SQUIRRELS, EAT IT ALL AND LEAVE NONE FOR YOU. BOO-HOO, FURFAG."
"DO YOU WANT TO BE A RIBBON ON A FUCKING CHRISTMAS PRESENT?"
The two angry forces butted heads against one another. The looks they were sharing could have burned straight through ceramite.
“YOU’RE PRETTY FUCKING ANGRY.” Pounder yelled in her face, a slightly impressed look forming under his helmet.
“I SUPPOSE YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD AT BEING ANGRY.” Fluttershy agreed though gritted teeth.
“NOT AS GOOD AS THE HEAD YOUR MUM WAS GIVING LAST NIGHT.” Pounder yelled back.
The two glared at each for another moment, pure waves of anger enveloping each other.
There was only one way this could end.

“What in tarnation?!” Applejack yelled as she and Rainbow Dash rounded a corner in Ponyville. The usual location of the town hall was now occupied by a massive pile of rubble. Several other nearby buildings were ablaze or in a similar state of ruin.
“What the hay happened here?” Rainbow asked, mouth agape.
A massive metal beast suddenly erupted through a shop front and ploughed through the town square, a squat beast barking orders from the cupola. Impossibly, the pink form of Pinkie Pie was seated next to him. The beast rumbled past the two stunned ponies before smashing through another building with impunity.
“Come on we need to find out what’s going on!” Rainbow said, snapping Applejack out of her stupor. She flew after the lumbering metal beast and landed roughly next to Pinkie.
“Oh hey there Dashie!” Pinkie said as if this was a completely normal day for her.
“Pinkie, what in the hay is going on?!” Rainbow yelled, trying to stay stable on the shuddering beast.
“Oh nothing, just an insane crossover. Can you imagine it? I mean an Angry Marine in Equestria? Ridiculous!” She giggled.
“You’ve met that punk?” Dash asked.
“Sure I have! Mr. Creed here helped me getting rid of him to first time but he’s back so we’re going to have another go!”
“Well to be fair I couldn’t resist coming here after Pinkie told me all about it on her last visit.” The stocky man said through his cigar. “I still want to know about that strange dance you taught those Kriegsmen last time you visited by the way Pinkie…”
“When you tell me how you hid the tank in Rarity’s kitchen I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Some things are meant to be kept secret.”
“WHAT IN EQUESTRIA ARE YOU TWO ON ABOUT?” Rainbow yelled exasperatedly.
“Don’t worry your little head about it Dashie!” Pinkie said, affectionately bopping Rainbow on the head.
“FUCKING LIBRARY GAY PIECE OF SHIT, GO READ YOUR FAGGOTY BOOKS SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU STUPID WITCH.” A familiar voice rang out.
“STUPID BOOKS!” Another voice agreed.
A faint crackle came from a device next to Mr. Creed.
“We’re approaching the target sir.” A voice said.
“I can bloody well hear that you frakking idiot!” Creed yelled back, silencing the vox with a rough thud.
The tank rolled around another corner granting the two ponies riding in the turret a front seat view of the source of destruction, two yellow shapes darting around the town library ripping and tearing with a fury that even a Khorne Beserker would be proud of.
Rainbow’s mouth fell open when one of the shapes suddenly came into focus.
“F-F-Fluttershy!?!”

“GOOD ONE BUTTERSTICK, NOW YOU FUCKING POUND THE SHIT OF IT AGAIN ONLY WITH SOMETHING BIGGER.” Pounder yelled at his companion.
“DAMN STRAIGHT I FUCKING WILL, AND IT’S FLUTTERSHY YOU FUCKING RETARD.”
“SHUT UP YOU COCKSICKLE, YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKING BUTTER SO YOU’RE BUTTERSTICK.”
“FUCK OFF.” Fluttershy roared loudly as she demolished another bookcase with her bare hooves.
“Fluttershy what are you doing!” Twilight yelled desperately from underneath them as the pair tore the library apart.
“BEING FUCKING ANGRY YOU PURPLE PRICK.”
“HEY, WITCHFAG, EAT THIS!” Pounder yelled before swinging an empty bookcase at Twilight. The blow sent the unicorn flying through a wall and out into the street.
“NICE ONE DICKWEED, I COULD HAVE HIT HER FURTHER THOUGH.”
“SHUT THE HELL UP BUTTERFUCK.”

Twilight crashed into the ground with a dull thud. Picking herself up she was surprised to find herself nose-to-armour plate with a massive metal gun beast.
“Hey Twilight, what are you doing down there?” Pinkie asked, waving from the turret.
“Pinkie? What are you doing up there?”
“I’m helping!” She yelled back, clearly excited that all her friends were appearing to watch her save the day.
“Helping?! Do what?”
“Getting rid of Mr. Angry pants over there!” She said, pointing a hoof at the Angry Marine tearing the library apart with a power chair.
“How can we get rid of him?” Twilight asked.
“Leave that to me.” A stocky creature said through his manly-as-fuck cigar. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small sphere.
“What is that?” Twilight asked, looking at the strange inscriptions on the device.
“Vortex grenade. Throw it at that bugger and he’ll be gone faster than you can say ‘The Emperor’s trousers.”
“Super!” Pinkie beamed. “Can I throw the grenade?”
Mr. Creed banged the turret cupola again. “Sure thing Pinkie, just make sure you have a good throwing arm.”
“Yes sir!”
Creed grinned devilishly.
“Forward, full power!”

“WHAT THE FUCK? FIFTY SHADES OF HAY? WHAT SORT OF GAY SHITTY BOOKS DOES THIS PRICK KEEP?” Pounder roared, as he ripped a book shelve out of the wall.
No response.
“BUTTERSTICK?” Pounder yelled, spinning around to see his angry companion staring out a broken window in shock.
“WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT DICKWAD?” Pounder yelled moving next to her and looking out the window.
“Disappeared…How?” Fluttershy stammered, her anger seemingly evaporated.
Nothing.
“GAY-ARSE PANSY FAGGOT. I THOUGHT WERE ANGRY, BITCH.” Pounder roared at the stunned pony.
“Disappeared…” The yellow pony muttered again.
“FUCK YOU BUTTERSHIT, I’LL DO THIS MYSELF.” He roared moving over to a chest of drawers and ripping them open violently.
Fucking tactical genius.
Pounder’s eyes shot wide open as a Baneblade erupted out of the now open drawers, shattering the entire wall into a fine spray of wood chips as it was violently forced apart by the super-heavy tank.
“CREEEEEEED!” Pounder roared as the tank rolled over him and ground to a halt. The armour plate above Pounder's head had a raised middle finger crudely painted on it.
“Quick Pinkie, the grenade!” A rough voice growled over the idling engine.
“Oh right!” the ‘FAGGOTROCIOUSLY PINK PONY’ said excitedly, fumbling around for a moment.
“Oops!” She said as she fumbled and dropped the grenade inside the turret hatch.
“Emperor damn it.” Creed growled as the grenade hit the floor of the turret and bounced into the tank itself. He stared at it with wide eyes as the grenade suddenly bulged and glowed a bright hot white.
“OUT NOW!” He roared, shoving Pinkie out of the turret.
"What about you?" Pinkie yelled from the ground.
"I must go! My people need me."
Pounder watched in anger as the bottom of the tank turned white hot.
Then it exploded.

Volruth the Mighty shook his head clear of the warp fog that clouded his mind and stared at the spot where the Angry Marine had just stood. He grinned evilly; banishing the marine to the warp had been difficult, but the mental strain was well worth the look on the helpless Marine’s face just before he had been sucked to hell.
“Your corpse-god cannot save you now fool” He growled, picking himself off the ground. He took a few uneasy steps before noticing the unusual hue the round underneath his feet had taken.
A brief surge of panic filled the sorcerer’s mind, had his last spell been too powerful? Might he have attracted the attention of some greater warp entity? He took a step back and noted with alarm that the strange effect followed him.
“What is the meaning of this?” He breathed in horror.
Suddenly the ground split apart in a flare of white fire and an enraged yellow daemon tore itself out of the warp.
“Impossible.” Volruth mumbled as the Angry Marine he had just banished hauled himself out the warp fire and fixed his sights on the sorcerer.
He tried to run but within the space of a second the Marine was upon him and he felt a great pain in his bowels. Looking down the sorcerer noted that the marine had somehow rammed his ridiculous close combat weapon fully up his arse.
“OWNED.” Pounder roared before ripping the chair out.