1000 Ways To Die

Date: April 14, 2022
Location: Human World, Gilda's Artillery Shop

Here in the Human World, there was a shop known as Gilda's Artillery. Owned of course by Gilda. She had customers here and there. However, she was going down a slump and she didn't have that many customers anymore. She knew about the problem she was in. Still she kept on working everyday. She polished the guns and made sure everything was clean to get ready for another day.

"Time to open up." She said, smiling.

Two people came in that day to buy some bullets. Everything seemed to be going fine. Outside the store another car pulled up. Meet Nolan North or as some business people call him. The devil. He was smiling because he was about to ruin another person’s business. He came in dressed nicely with his suitcase.

"Hello, sir, how can I help you?" Gilda asked.

"Well, I have a question. Are you familiar with the word foreclosure." He said opening his suitcase and showing her the paper she had to sign.

"What! Okay I may have hit a slump, but I have paid!!!" Gilda Shouted.

Gilda was in a big problem. Economic stress is normal. We have a human called Money Bags that knows all about it.

"I have money for days, but I sometimes do have problems with the economy. Economic stress is normal. It affects people the way any stress affects someone. If you’re foreclosed upon that can have physical consequences. Increase of heart rate, and illnesses. The people became a huge mess."

"Listen you sign the paper, and you leave!! Simple as that!!" Nolan North shouted.

Gilda took the pen from Nolan's hand and signed at the bottom of the paper. Being pissed off though instead of giving the pen back she broke into two and threw some ink at Nolan's shirt.

"How'd you like that Ass wipe!!!" She shouted.

Nolan was angry and decided to get back at her. "Since you destroyed my pen, and this place now belongs to the bank I think I'll need another pen. He spotted a pen in the glass desk. "That looks like a good pen give me that one." He said pointing at a strange looking blue pen."

"Oh no sir that's not really a good pe-"

"Give me my pen!!!" Nolan shouted cutting Gilda off.

Gilda wouldn't budge so Nolan climbed over the desk and grabbed it himself.

"Sir you don't know what you’re doing." Gilda said.

"This is a moment. I'm actually going to enjoy." Nolan said, smiling evilly while holding the pen.

"Believe me you will not like that pen." Gilda said, worriedly. "Try using it."

Nolan tried to use it on the paper Gilda signed, but no ink came out. He looked at the hole of the pen. Clicked it and...

*Bam!*

A bullet came out. Nolan now had a hole in his forehead.

*Plop*

He fell to the ground dead.

Nolan should have listened to Gilda. It was a pen gun. Quick Scope here knows about firearms. How does this thing work? Also, how did it kill poor Nolan?

"The pen gun has a .22 caliber in it. Very small. You don't have a long barrel, and any rifling in the barrel to gain speed on the projectile. You have to shoot it from a close range. Within two or three feet to kill you. This idiot was so close to it. The bullet entered his brain, and it was so small it didn't pass through. It ricocheted in his skull through his brain. It hit his brain stem that controls vital functions of the body such as breathing, and heart rate. He was dead."

"Tried to warn him." Gilda said looking at Nolan's lifeless body and ripping the paper she signed.

Nolan North was a devil to many businesses. He should have known one rule that many people follow. When you have to sign on the bottom line. Make sure it's with ink...Not Blood.

Way To Die #154: Written Offed