1000 Ways To Die

Date: July 28, 2011
Location: Fillydelphia, Emergency Hospital

Well, look at this stallion. His name is Film Maker and he made good films before but now he's got nothing. All his fame went down the drain when he made a terrible movie. Now he had an addiction. A strange addiction Film Maker couldn't stop sticking things up where the sun don't shine.

"Well, Film Maker what was it this time?" The doctor asked.

"Well, I uh."

"Shampoo bottle." The Doctor said looking at his clipboard telling him what was up there.

"I slipped in the shower." Film Maker said smiling.

Well, Nurse Redheart give us a diagnosis.

"The rectum is kind of torturous so if you lose something up there it's going to be around a blind corner. It may be difficult for you to get it out on your own. The object forms a seal with that soft moistness walls in the rectum and no air can get in. So, it's like trying to pull a cork out of a bottle."

"Film Maker this the third time in five months that you slipped in the shower."

"I'm sorry doctor."

"Very well. Let me look." The Doctor said seeing what he needed to do to get that shampoo bottle out.

However, Film Maker was hardly the first to become addicted to sticking things up the rectum. It feels good. Nurse Redheart what have you seen.

"The things I've seen in there. Carrots, snow globes, lightbulbs, flashlights, a metal spring from a garage door. I don't know how they got that down and I rather not find out how."

After the shampoo bottle was removed and Film Maker was recovering. He was desperate for more probing. A single thermometer he found in a drawer wouldn't do much for Film Maker's crater. However, nine of them taped together would be good. He taped them together with tape that he also found in another drawer. He took the plunge with his makeshift masher.

“Ohh yeah.” Film Maker said getting the feeling he loved.

Everything was okay until

*Creek*

The doctor was coming in. Film Maker jumped back on the bed and put the blanket over himself again.

*Crack!!*

What was that noise. That was nine thermometers breaking deep in Film Maker’s anal canal.

“Oh! Ow! OW!!! OW!!!!”

The doctor was wondering why Film Maker was now yelling in pain. “What’s wrong?! Are you in pain?! Tell me!”

Film Maker pointed to the blanket covering him. The Doctor took it off him and saw blood coming out of Film Maker’s rectum.

“Oh, Mother of Celestia!! I’ll be right back I need help!!” The Doctor shouted leaving to get help.

The help wouldn’t do any good. Redheart what the hell did he do to himself.

“The thermometers shattered through large veins in his colon to make things worse toxic mercury from the thermometers began leaking into his bloodstream. If you want to know more about that ask Twilight.”

Well Twilight tell us about the mercury in the thermometers.

“Mercury is a heavy metal extremely toxic and it’s used in thermometers. It can affect a verity of things. It can lead to brain damage and much more. When using it you have to be careful not to breath it in, or swallow it”

Film Maker gave himself the ultimate double whammy. Internal bleeding, and toxic shock. Did he die…Just look at the body bag the doctors and nurses are carrying out the hospital.

Way To Die #73: Rectum-self