Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs

Nurse Coldheart filed Lyra and Bon Bon's job applications with their Hoofed Resources (HR) department. The nurse asked the mares if they had any general questions about their new work environment.

"So, what are we supposed to do exactly?" Lyra asked, "Wave bye to the stallions as they leave and say 'thanks for cumming?'" Bon Bon smacked her marefriend in the back of the head to shut her up. Bon Bon wasn't a violent mare, but after their shaky interview, she couldn't afford for either of them to appear less-than-serious about this job.

"We'll start you out on collection detail," Coldheart said, "Just give the stallion a cup when he arrives and led him to a private room. When he finishes, collect the sample and freeze it in cold storage."

The mares followed Coldheart into the inner workings of the sperm bank. They walked past rooms filled with freezing agents and other chemicals. Other employees passed them in the hall, pushing carts towards the freezing rooms. The two mares were eventually lead to a hall with several doors. Along the opposite wall was a sink and cupboards, with small carts in front of them. Coldheart picked up one of the many empty cups that sat atop the carts.

"Samples are to be put in here," she said, showing her two new employees, "It has a lid that snaps on, to help ensure the preservation of the spermatozoa. From there you will place the cups on ice and send the samples to be tested for fecundity and other factors. Do you understand?"

"Sure," Lyra said, "Have the stud rub one out into a cup and put it on ice. Then wheel it down to quality control."

Bon Bon had never felt more lost. She was quite confident when dealing with familiar surroundings, but was terrified in an unknown environment. That's why she enjoyed comedy. She observed the humorous aspects of things everypony was already familiar with.

Working in a sperm bank was not what the mare thought she was signing up for. Bon Bon had mentally prepared herself for the menial life of a bank teller, not this. Fortunately, Lyra had caught the vision and was fired up about making this job work. As Bon Bon's marefriend examined the cart and drawers, she seemed to be on top of things.

"She likes being on top of things," Bon Bon mused quietly to herself. She giggled like a filly over her naughty humor.

Nurse Coldheart left the mares to their duties. Lyra finished familiarizing herself with the tools of her new profession. Bon Bon glanced at the empty cups nervously. Her vacant stare was interrupted as Lyra got her attention.

"Hey, Bons," Lyra said, "Think you'll be able to handle this?"

"I've never had to mess with stallion... stuff before," Bon Bon said, "But I should be fine."

"Good," Lyra said as she backed away, "I need to use the little filly's room. Hold down the fort while I'm gone."

"You're leaving me alone with this?!" Bon Bon asked, panicking.

"Just for a couple of minutes," Lyra said, reassuringly, "I bet I won't miss a thing." With a smile and a wink, the mare turned and headed towards the bathroom.

In an ironic sense of timing, as soon as Lyra turned the corner, a stallion walked down the hall and approached Bon Bon. His coat was the color of honey and his long brown bangs covered his forehead. The stallion's cutie mark was three bright blue horseshoes. It was Caramel. Bon Bon stared at the donor nervously.

"Welcome to the Ponyville Cryobank!" Bon Bon shouted awkwardly, as she gestured towards one of the rooms, "May I interest you in a Masturbation Booth?!"

As soon as the words left her lips, Bon Bon covered her mouth with her hooves. Her cheeks were beet red from embarrassment. The mare and stallion stared at each other, blushing. Caramel furrowed his brow and looked uncomfortable.

"I've donated here before," he said, sternly, "Most employees have the decency to refer to them as Sample Collection Rooms." Bon Bon felt mortified.

Caramel grabbed a cup in his teeth and headed for the door. Bon Bon inched away from the stallion as he walked past her and entered the room, locking the door behind him. Bon Bon sat alone in the hallway and wished Lyra would return. Her unicorn friend was always more open and confident when talking about sexual matters. Suddenly, there was a knock coming from inside the room, which caused Bon Bon to jump.

"Excuse me," Caramel said, "Could you bring me a magazine?"

"Sure thing," Bon Bon replied cheerfully, wanting to make a good impression on the donor.

"Now where would I find a magazine?" Bon Bon said to herself, "I've got it! Places like this always have magazines in their waiting rooms!"

Walking back to the front of the building, Bon Bon spied several magazines on the waiting room table. There was a copy of Highlights for Foals, with all of the puzzles already solved with crayons, an Equestrian Geographic from ten years ago, debunking the 'Nightmare Moon Myth' and a medical publication for those in the cryobanking profession.

The cryobank magazine had articles on advanced new freezing techniques and advice on how to increase the mortility rate of samples. The cover featured an illustration of a sperm cell against a starry background. The name of the magazine undercut its otherwise serious presentation.

"Sperm Bank Digest," Bon Bon said, reading the title aloud, "Hopefully he'll find this interesting."

Walking back to the donor's room, Bon Bon knocked on the door to get the donor's attention, then slid the magazine under the door. The stallion read the title and got excited.

"This looks good," he said, eagerly, "Thanks!"

Bon Bon stood by the carts and waited for Lyra to return. Before long Bon Bon's marefriend sauntered back around the corner to rejoin her.

"Anything happen while I was gone?" the unicorn asked.

"One donor came... I mean arrived! One donor arrived!" Bon Bon said, blushing. Lyra grinned at her marefriend's timidity.

"He's not finished yet," Bon Bon added quietly, as her eyes glanced towards the locked door, "I went to go get him a magazine." The aforementioned magazine came sliding back under the door.

"Is something wrong?" Bon Bon asked the stallion through the door, "You said you wanted a little light reading." Lyra stared at the cover of the scientific journal and did a face hoof. Bon Bon could be quite naive sometimes.

"Bons," the unicorn said, delicately, "He's not looking for some light reading. He's looking for some hard reading, if you catch my drift."

"You mean like a novel?" Bon Bon asked, obliviously, "How long does he think he'll be in there?"

"Is this some kind of joke?" Caramel asked, interrupting the mare's conversation, "I was expecting porn." Given that it was an unfamiliar work environment, Bon Bon was still a little slow to pick up on certain aspects of her new job.

"You thought I was bringing you porn?!" the earth pony said, horrified, "Why?!" Lyra gave an exasperated sigh.

"I wanted to read it for the articles," Caramel said, sarcastically. Lyra, who was more practical when it came to these matters, stepped in to take charge of the situation.

"All right, my good gentlecolt," the unicorn said in a stern voice, "What's wrong with the filthy magazines that are already in there?"

"They're too filthy." Caramel replied.

"What do you mean they're 'too filthy?'" Lyra asked.

"I mean the pages are stuck together!" the stallion said, disgusted, "I can't get 'em open!"

"Eww," Bon Bon said, her expression becoming queasy. Lyra let out a sigh.

"I'll be right back," the unicorn said, "We'll get ya' taken care of. Don't worry."

Lyra left Bon Bon alone again before returning with a library-style cart full of dirty magazines.

"Where did you find all that?" Bon Bon asked, simultaneously impressed and revolted.

"I meandered a bit on my way back from the bathroom and took an unsupervised tour of the facilities." the unicorn said. smartly. Lyra knocked on the door to get Caramel's attention.

"Let's see," the unicorn said, levitating a stack of pornography, "We've got issues of Playcolt, Rustler, and Penthorse magazines. I also have The Big Book of Plot Holes..."

"Oh my," Bon Bon said as she picked up one of the magazines entitled Flexible Fillies and tilted it back and forth, examining an image from various angles, "Who knew Blossomforth could stretch like that?"

"What are you into, sport?" Lyra asked, "We've got stallion on mare, mare on mare, stallion on stallion..."

"Any...uh, b-big, muscular stallions?" Caramel asked, hesitantly, "with a mare, of course." Lyra chuckled. She found the closeted colt cuddler's shyness to be cute.

"You like 'em big, huh?" Lyra asked, coyly, "Well, I think I've got just what you're lookin' for, sport." Using her magic, the unicorn levitated a magazine with a solid black background and a suggestively bulb-shaped silver horseshoe on the cover. To the top right of the horseshoe was a tiny number five. The dirty magazine was known as The Fifth Hoof and featured erotic pinups of sweaty stallions. Lyra floated the gay porn under the door of the waiting donor.

Lyra and Bon Bon shuffled their hooves and waited. When their eyes met, they blushed and looked away. Both mares tried not to vividly picture what was going on behind that door. It wasn't easy.

After a little while, the door to the room unlocked. The stallion came out and handed the magazine back to Lyra and gave Bon Bon the cup with his sample in it. The stallion was still embarrassed by the whole experience, and made it a point to not make eye contact with the two mares as he left.

"Just be honest with yourself!" Lyra called out as the stallion briskly turned the corner, "You'll feel better!"

"I think you made him uncomfortable," Bon Bon said, dishearteningly.

"What?" Lyra asked, skeptically, "I gave him what he wanted, even if he couldn't admit it to himself yet." Bon Bon stared at her marefriend awkwardly. She knew Lyra could be too pushy sometimes.

"Besides," the unicorn said, gesturing to the sample in Bon Bon's hoof, "It's hard to argue with the results."

"I suppose you're right," Bon Bon said, glancing at the cup, "But he still looked irritated."

"You'd be irritated too if two stallions stood outside your door and waited for you to finish tending your garden," Lyra said. The earth pony gasped as her face turned crimson. Bon Bon looked down at the cup in her hoof. She stared at the sample like it was a ticking time bomb that threatened to level the whole building. Lyra levitated the cup away from her marefriend and deposited the sample into the ice chest.

"That wasn't so hard," Lyra said, as she put a lid on the chest, "I think this job will work out just fine. How about you?" Bon Bon gulped, and nodded hesitantly.

"Workers Lyra and Bon Bon," Coldheart said over the intercom, "Step into my office." The two mares exchanged nervous looks.