Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs

Lyra and Bon Bon watched as the two fillies ran up the steps of the cryobank. The little unicorn stood between Glowing Charity and her father. The pink pony was intimidated as she looked out over the large crowd gathered below her. Glowing Charity hugged her classmate in an attempt to comfort the frightened filly.

"Remember," Glowing Charity whispered, "after the rally is over, my daddy promised to take us to the toy store." The pink filly nodded her head, though she still looked uncomfortable. Atomic Faith knelt close to the young unicorn.

"Would you please tell us your name really loudly so that everypony can hear?" the stallion asked, politely.

"My name is Ruby Pinch!" the filly shouted, enthusiastically.

"Who do you live with?" the blue stallion asked, innocuously.

"My mommy." Ruby Pinch said nervously, as she shuffled her hooves.

"Do you have a daddy?" Atomic Faith asked, knowingly.

"No." Ruby said, innocently, "My mommy told me that she didn't need a daddy because I came from the magical baby bank!" This comment sent snickers and murmurs throughout the crowd. Atomic Faith raised a hoof to silence the protestors and encouraged the child to continue.

Lyra and Bon Bon watched this train wreck unfold as though it were happening in slow motion.

"This is bad," Lyra said, depressed. Bon Bon simply nodded in agreement.

Nurse Coldheart stood there with her heart pounding in her chest, too stunned to speak. She wracked her brain trying to think of who this filly's mother was. She couldn't come up with anything. Her eyes flashed over to the news cameras, then back to the unicorn filly, then up to her cryobank behind them. Coldheart gave a loud gulp. With some coaxing from Atomic Faith, the filly was ready to tell her life story in front of everypony.

"The magical baby bank." Atomic Faith repeated, chuckling, "Does your mommy know where you are right now?"

"No" Ruby Pinch said, looking embarrassed, "She's having one of her sleepy headaches."

"Does she get these often?" the stallion asked, expressing mock concern.

"Yeah." the filly said, sadly, "Whenever she has too much of her special mommy grape juice, she acts really silly."

"Does that make you sad?" the stallion asked.

"Sometimes," Ruby Pinch said, wincing, "But I still love my mommy!"

"Of course you do, sweetie," Radiant Hope interjected, hugging the unicorn filly, "Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're very brave."

"Thank you," Ruby Pinch whispered.

At Atomic Faith's signal, Hard Peace and Tough Love walked up the steps and escorted Ruby Pinch back down into the audience. The little unicorn had no concept of what had just happened. She also didn't realize the extent to which her story would cause problems for her family in the near future.

Having recovered from her initial shock, Coldheart found the will to speak again. She had dealt with these bigots in the past before. The protestors would stand behind the marked lines and harass the stallions and mares that came to visit the cryobank. No, Coldheart thought, Today they went too far when they used that poor, innocent filly as their puppet.

The nurse stood before Atomic Faith in defense of her cryobank and decent ponies everywhere.

"Just when I thought you could stoop no lower," Coldheart said quietly, as her body shook with anger, "You just ruined that filly's life."

"I'm not the one who gets paid to knock up winos," the stallion calmly whispered, "That's your job. This cryobank makes unfit mothers out of mares. Any misery their foals endure is on your head, not mine. If I had my way, abominations like your bank would be shut down. They're a blight on the community."

"We have very different views about what practices are a blight on the community," Coldheart said, through gritted teeth.

"Clearly," Atomic Faith replied, casually. The stallion turned to face the crowd, and the news cameras.

"The story you've heard today is only one example of what's wrong with sperm banks," Atomic Faith said, "Unfit mothers are just a symptom of a greater problem. Buildings like the one behind me are tearing apart the moral fabric of Equestria by fostering countless broken homes, all for the sake of money." The staff of the cryobank slowly lowered their heads below the windowsill as all eyes in the crowd turned to look up at them. Coldheart stepped forward to speak her piece as she loudly addressed the crowd.

"Throughout Equestria there are fillies and colts living in poor conditions that need the help of Foal Protective Services," the nurse said, "While a small minority of these foals are born from artificial insemination, the rest come from standard mammalian reproduction. Blaming broken homes on the method of conception is a farce."

"I have statistics, too," Atomic Faith said, confrontationally, "And I can back mine up with sources. A recent study from the Equestrian Center for Marriage and Families found that more than half of sperm donor offspring were troubled by the circumstances of their conception, while an equal number were disturbed by the payments required for their birth." The staff peeked up from behind the windows just in time to watch Atomic Faith unleash his full righteous indignation on their workplace.

"When life can be bought and sold, it becomes cheap," Atomic Faith said, evangelically, "The only way we, as a society, can hope to preserve the sanctity of life is by ensuring that it's exclusively created between a monogamous loving married couple." When the stallion spoke that line, a roar of cheers erupted from the audience. Ruby Pinch, who was in the middle of it all, shook with fear.

"Don't hurt my mommy!" the pink filly wailed. Her cries were drowned out in the din of the crowd as the two large, white stallions made sure Ruby Pinch stayed put.

"Shutting down sperm banks won't stop all unwed pregnancies," Atomic Faith conceded, "but it will drastically reduce the number of single mothers."

"What gives you the right to regulate parenthood?" Coldheart asked, indignantly, "Whatever happened to the parent's right to have a foal?"

"I value the dignity of the foal over the mare's 'right' to be a mother," the stallion said, churlishly, "Though I doubt a mare in your profession ever knows what the word dignity means." Coldheart blushed as she looked out into a sea of angry faces.

Inside the cryobank, the employees were wringing their hooves and cheering on their boss.

"Shouldn't we do something to help Nurse Coldheart?" one mare asked.

"Like what?" another worker asked, "Funnel all the samples into a hose and spray the protestors?"

"On the bright side, that would make them leave." the first mare added, smiling.

Lyra and Bon Bon held each other's hooves as they stared out the window. A tear ran down Bon Bon's cream-colored cheek.

"I'm sorry I got us into this," Bon Bon whispered sadly, "Working here was a huge mistake."

"Are you kidding?" Lyra asked, trying to buck up her marefriend, "This is the best job ever!"

"Really?" Bon Bon asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah," Lyra said, reassuringly, "What's the most exciting thing that could've happened to us if we worked at a regular bank? A robbery? Being held hostage by crazy fundamentalists is much more fun!" Bon Bon gave a reaction that was a mix of both crying and laughter. The earth pony leaned her head against Lyra's neck.

"You always know just the right things to say," Bon Bon said, lovingly.

"Only when you're around," the unicorn added, "When left to my own devices, I always manage to put my hoof in my mouth."

"And I'll always be there to help you out of trouble," Bon Bon said, as she rubbed her hoof atop of Lyra's hoof.

Back outside, the vitriol had reached a boiling point. Having dragged single mothers through the mud for long enough, it was time to up the ante. Atomic Faith stepped back to allow his wife center stage with a message that was sure to unite the crowd to anger.

"It isn't just single mares who use these facilities," Radiant Hope said, "Sperm Banks are a literal breeding ground for lesbian couples who want to get pregnant."

"Ut-oh," Bon Bon whispered, glancing nervously at Lyra. The unicorn's eye twitched violently.

"It bad enough what they do behind closed doors," Radiant Hope added, "but when filly foolers want to bring a foal into their home and expose the child to their debaucherous lifestyles..."

The front doors of the cryobank slammed opened as Lyra walked out to forcibly join the conversation. Her brow was furrowed and the back of her neck tingled. Bon Bon followed her marefriend outside, timidly.

"You got a problem with filly foolers?" Lyra asked loudly.

"Whatever happens," Erin Bro-nett whispered, "Don't stop filming."