Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs

As Lyra and Bon Bon headed back to work the next day, they walked in silence. The two mares hadn't spoken to anypony since the events of yesterday. Lyra was still furious with Atomic Faith, his wife and the rest of the close-minded protesters. Lyra thought to herself that the husband and wife were never properly punished for their hate speech.

Bon Bon, in contrast, was less concerned with the protesters and more concerned with the cryobank itself. Would they even have jobs when they arrived, she wondered, or would the bank be forced to close down?

As they approached the cryobank, it was eerily quiet. The silence was a stark contrast to the constant cacophonous din made by the protesters yesterday. As Lyra reached the top of the steps, she looked out over the open field. In her mind's eye, she could envision the ocean of signs; their hate-filled slogans burning into her brain. She gave a shudder as a chill ran down her spine.

Bon Bon had different emotional issues to deal with. She had stayed up late last night replaying Radiant Hope's words over and over in her head. Bon Bon thought of the conversation they had as she stared where Radiant Hope had stood before the baby batter balloon drove her away.

"We should have said more," Bon Bon lamented to her marefriend, "I could have said something to make them understand..."

"No you couldn't," Lyra said, curtly, "I've seen it more times than you, Bons. At the comedy clubs, ponies sit quietly and listen to your jokes. While in the strolling cafes where I worked, my music was just ambiance. The customers felt free to talk over me, so I overheard a lot of conversations. After hearing enough debates from stallions and mares, I came to realize that when dealing with bigots, there's nothing you can say that will change their minds."

"When Radiant Hope asked if I wanted to be a... a mother," Bon Bon said, timidly, "You tried to stop her from talking to me."

"I knew she didn't care about your feelings," Lyra said, bitterly, "No matter how you answered her question, it was just a stepping stone to her next talking point."

"It just feels like a wasted opportunity," Bon Bon said, "Something I said to her might have made an impact."

"The only impact that would register with them at this point is the impact of my hooves against their smug faces," Lyra said, as she clopped her hooves together, "You can't reason with ponies who refuse to change."

"So what can we do?" Bon Bon asked.

"Avoid them," Lyra said, bluntly, "and if they force their hate speech on you, don't try to reason with them. You talk back to them in the only languages they understand: Hate and violence."

Bon Bon's heart began to beat fast as her skin started to feel cold and clammy. She had never seen her marefriend so upset before, and it frightened her. Atomic Faith's entire family had an aura of negative energy that radiated from them, which now threatened to consume Lyra. Bon Bon knew she had to say something to save her marefriend from this hateful fallout.

"Lyra, please...," Bon Bon pleaded, "You mustn't hate. Only the unloved hate, and I'll never stop loving you."

Those words resonated within Lyra's soul like the peal of a bell. She realized what she had almost allowed herself to become. Lyra felt sick knowing that she had been willing to sink to their level and allow herself to be controlled by hate. Tears welled up in Bon Bon's eyes, as a lump formed in Lyra's throat.

"I'm sorry," Lyra said, "I love you, too." The two mares leaned in close and kissed. They each promised themselves that they would never hate again.

Their affections were interrupted by Nurse Coldheart clearing her throat. Lyra and Bon Bon broke the kiss awkwardly and turned to see their boss holding the front door open.

"Would you two please get inside to do that?" Nurse Coldheart said, sternly, "Or would you rather stand out here posing for the next wave of EFU propaganda photos?"

Once Bon Bon and Lyra entered the cryobank, Nurse Coldheart instructed them to step into her office. They didn't pass anypony else on their way there, as Bon Bon and Lyra had arrived before the other workers were scheduled.

"I don't suppose either of you caught the news last night?" their boss asked as she opened the door to her office. Lyra and Bon Bon replied that they hadn't been paying attention. The two mares took off their saddlebags and sat down on the guest pillows.

"Did we make the news?" Bon Bon asked, apprehensively.

"Yes," Coldheart said as she wheeled out a television set, "and the early edition." Coldheart tossed a copy of today's paper at their hooves. Lyra and Bon Bon examined the front page story. There was a photo of the Equestrian Families United protesters, with the cryobank clearly visible in the background. Above the photo was a headline with a subhead, in big, bold letters: "JISM SCHISM Sperm bank loses face over wasted paste."

"It wasn't wasted!" Lyra said, "It was put to a very good use! And anyways, the stuff had already gone bad, so I don't see what the problem was. If anything, they should be praising us for recycling!"

Bon Bon skimmed the article. It presented Atomic Faith's family in a sickeningly positive light, saying how they were made the victims when their peaceful protest was interrupted by an aerial assault from militant lesbian feminists.

"Please tell me the news coverage is more positive than the paper." Bon Bon said, hopefully, "I don't know if I can take more bad news."

"Fortunately, we're dealing with Erin Bro-nett," Coldheart said, "She's a fair journalist who sympathizes with us." The nurse inserted a video tape into the VCR and pushed play.

"And now for a story that made me say, 'seriously?!'" Bro-nett said, "Hundreds of ponies gathered outside Ponyville's cryobank to protest what they considered to be immoral practices; but what caused them to gravitate towards this issue instead of another? for example, there's currently a mass genocide of camels taking place in Horse-tralia, but this is what the protesters are riled up about? Moral outrage because of a sperm bank? Seriously?!"

Bro-nett then proceeded to give a comprehensive report on yesterday's cryobank protest. Atomic Faith and Nurse Coldheart's names were mentioned. A clip was played from Ruby Pinch, with Bro-nett posing questions regarding the legality of her appearance. Lyra and Bon Bon weren't mentioned by name, but referred to only as 'two employees' of the cryobank. Bro-nett concluded her report with the climax of the protest.

"The confrontation came to a head when a container filled with expired reproductive material was set adrift by the staff of the cryobank. Floating above the heads of the protest organizers, the balloon managed to repel them away from the bank. Like a castle under siege, the sperm bank employees rallied together to defend their workplace against superior numbers. In spite of the staff's spunky attitude, the future of the Ponyville Cryobank remains uncertain. I'm Erin Bro-nett; Canterlot News Network."

"Uncertain future?" Lyra said, "What does she mean by that?"

"Yesterday was a public relations nightmare," Coldheart said, spelling things out simply for Lyra, "Ponies are accusing us of incompetence for losing the samples and abusing the gift of life by turning sperm into a weapon. The only reason why we avoided a lawsuit from Atomic Faith is because Ruby Pinch threatened to countersue him for foalnapping her." Nurse Coldheart paused and turned her head to look directly at Bon Bon.

"Ruby Pinch felt compelled to help us. Apparently, she was grateful to you, Bon Bon, for defending her mother when nopony else would," Coldheart said, "You have a kind heart; never lose it." Bon Bon and Lyra felt raw emotion stirring within them. Bon Bon turned to look at her marefriend. Lyra stared into her eyes.

"She's something special," Lyra said, lovingly. The nurse watched as the two mares leaned in and rubbed their noses together. While she didn't want to interrupt the tender moment, Coldheart was compelled to press forward to the next agenda item.

"Seeing as how you two helped escalate things yesterday," Coldheart said, "Do either of you have any ideas we can implement to recover from this fiasco?" Lyra and Bon Bon sat in thought for a moment.

"I've got it!" Lyra said, "How about a new ad campaign? One that will really rope in more stallions!"

"What did you have in mind?" Coldheart asked.

"We'll market it as 'Cash for Cloppers!'" Lyra said excitedly. She then presented for Bon Bon and their boss a potential commercial for the new ad campaign.

"Stallions, are you tired of watching a fortune slip through your fingers week after week?" Lyra asked, "Do you enjoy having a firm grasp on your financial future? Would you like to learn how you can earn money hand over fist? If you're frustrated watching money go down the drain, then come donate today at Ponyville Cryobank! Ponyville Cryobank, where the 'S' in '$perm' is a dollar sign!"

Bon Bon clopped her hooves together in praise. Lyra bowed her head.

"Any questions?" Lyra asked.

"Yes," Coldheart said, bewildered, "What's a 'fist?'" Lyra lowered her head and let out a disgruntled sigh. Nopony understood her rich lexicon of hand-based idioms.

"Maybe we should run it by the rest of the staff to see what they think," Bon Bon suggested.

"We are the staff," Coldheart said, abruptly. Lyra and bon Bon exchanged shocked looks.

"Oh no!" Bon Bon said, "You had to fire them because of what happened yesterday?"

"No, worse," Coldheart said, "Because of their actions, I had to send the rest of the staff off to a week-long sexual harassment prevention symposium. You two were were excluded, since you didn't participate in the soaring semen scandal."

"But how can we keep up with the demand?" Bon Bon said, "We're just two ponies!"

"Even though it's only your second day," Nurse Coldheart said, "I can tell you're both committed to doing your due diligence here at the bank. That's why I've chosen you to be the first ones to test out our new... more efficient method of collecting samples. If this works, I assure you we'll be able to keep up with the demand." Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged nervous looks. They smiled at their boss, weakly.