Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs

Lyra and Bon Bon were apprehensive, but they knew they had to be mature if they wanted to keep their jobs. The two mares followed Nurse Coldheart down the empty, semi-darkened halls of the cryobank. Since they were the only employees there, Coldheart chose to save on lighting where she could.

"I want you fillies to know what a tremendous service you'll be providing here today," Coldheart said. Lyra and Bon Bon gulped nervously. Providing service was exactly what they were afraid they'd be asked to do.

"This... 'more efficient' method of collecting samples," Bon Bon said cautiously, "What is it exactly?" The two mares were worried their boss had gone crazy and was maybe resorting to unethical means to increase the bank's supplies.

"I assure you it isn't anything sleazy," Coldheart said, "In spite of what the papers are saying about us, our facility is the height of medical propriety." In an ironic sense of timing, one of the dim lights overhead flickered as she spoke. Wishing to give her employees full disclosure, Coldheart addressed the issue of the lost samples with them.

"It's true that losing that room full of samples depleted our reserves and put us behind the proverbial eight ball," Coldheart said, "But not to worry. I had this room built for just such an emergency. With your help, we'll be able to make back what we lost in record time, and then some!"

Lyra and Bon Bon followed Nurse Coldheart into a well-lit room. A long conveyor belt stretched from below a slot in the far wall to the middle of the room. It reminded Bon Bon of the facilities at the cherry farm she visited when she was a filly. A frost-covered containment unit had been placed on one side of the belt.

Lyra examined the room. The walls, ceiling and floor were all spotless white. Aside from the conveyor belt and the portable freezer, there was nothing in the room. It was sterile enough to manufacture microchips. Nurse Coldheart gave her employees each a floppy, mushroom-like hat.

"Things will be happening fast in here," the nurse said,"We don't want any loose hairs getting mixed in with the samples." Coldheart instructed Lyra and Bon Bon to put on their hats and walk over to the cold storage unit. Bon Bon stood on the side of the unit closest to the far wall. Once they were standing on either side of the frozen container, the mares took off their saddlebags and waited for further instructions.

"Alright, fillies. Listen carefully." Coldheart said, sternly, "This is the F.A.P.P.I.N.G. department!"

"Fapping?" Bon Bon asked.

"Facilitates Advanced, Prompt Processing In Newer Generations." the nurse explained, "FAPPING." Nurse Coldheart walked past the mares and tapped on the far wall next to the little slot.

"We have a stallion in the next room whose contributions today will single-hoofedly save us from sperm bankruptcy," Coldheart said, "He'll put his samples into a lidless cup, which will travel beneath an electronic eye above the slot in the wall. The eye will scan the samples to test them for quality. All cups that pass inspection will continue along this conveyor belt. Your job is to take each sample and transfer its contents into a small glass vial that we use for long term storage."

Instructions bored Lyra. She crossed her fore-hooves atop a counter that jutted out from underneath the conveyor belt and rested her head. Coldheart walked back over to where Lyra was and asked her to step aside. The nurse pulled out from under the counter a large box filled with rows and rows of little vials, embedded in foam. Lyra used her horn to levitate one of the glass containers to examine it. A lid was screwed on top of the vial. Coldheart noticed Lyra looking at the blank label pasted on one side.

"We'll worry about labels later," Coldheart said, dismissively. "All samples are coming from the same donor, so there won't be any mix ups. Once the sample is sealed, place it inside the sperm containment unit. Do you understand?"

Lyra and Bon Bon looked at each other, then they looked at each other's floppy hats. The two mares turned to look at Nurse Coldheart. Lyra raised her hoof.

"I've got a question," she said, "Why the buck are we doing this?"

"Our bank must maintain a certain threshold of samples in reserves," the nurse said, solemnly, " After losing that room full of sperm, it's a number we're currently far from reaching. If we don't meet the goal soon, there could be a run on the bank! Believe me, there's nothing messier than being overdrawn at the sperm bank."

"But if we need more samples really quickly, why don't we just hire more employees and collect samples the traditional way?" Bon Bon asked.

"I couldn't hire any new workers now if I wanted to," Coldheart said, "You two applied for the only available jobs. All the other workers at the symposium are still employed here. I'm not going to fire them; but even if I did, I couldn't hire any replacements. The recession has gotten so bad, that a hiring freeze was instituted. That means you two are our last chance. If you can't squeeze out a victory, the cryobank could face default."

Bon Bon's stomach churned. Both of the mares were feeling under a lot of pressure, but unlike her marefriend, Lyra wasn't nervous. She loved competitions and was eager to see how fast she could do the job.

"One more thing," Coldheart said, "After the Health Department saw us on the news, they wanted to make sure that losing a room full of sperm was an isolated incident and not a sign of gross negligence. An examiner from the health department will be stopping by later today to inspect the facilities. He's going to check every room in the cryobank with a black light. If he finds one drop of semen in any of the rooms, he'll shut us down. Make sure there are no spills in this room or you'll both find yourselves unemployed. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," Bon Bon said. Lyra nodded her head, itching to get started.

"While you two are working in here," Coldheart said, "I'll be disinfecting the rest of the cryobank."

"Make sure you burn the magazines in the sample collection rooms," Lyra said. Coldheart nodded. She then instructed the mares to get ready and walked over to the slot at the far wall. Coldheart asked the stallion if he was set to go.

"Eeyup," he replied.

"Then let 'er roll!" Coldheart shouted before turning around and leaving the mares to their work. Lyra and Bon Bon tensed up ready to snatch up the cups as soon as they came down the line.

The conveyor belt slowly began turning as two small cups of semen passed underneath the electronic eye. A little light blinked green over each sample, indicating that it was valid.

Lyra casually levitated two vials out of the box and set one down in front of her marefriend. Bon Bon tried to pick up the vial and unscrew the lid, but it was slow going with hooves. Seeing her marefriend struggling, Lyra levitated the vial away from her and unscrewed the top.

"Thanks," Bon Bon said, sheepishly.

Lyra and Bon Bon each grabbed a sperm cup and held it over the open vial. Lyra couldn't split her magic indefinitely, but she could concentrate hard enough to levitate the two vials, while still allowing Lyra to use her hooves to pour the cup's contents into the vial.

"This would be easier with hands," Lyra muttered under her breath, "I'm just sayin'..."

When the samples were properly stored and the lids sealed, Lyra placed the vials in cold storage. Since there was no trash can in the room, the mares just set their empty cups down on the countertop.

No sooner had they finished, when two more samples began moving towards them down the belt. Lyra levitated out more vials and held one in front of Bon Bon. Both mares grabbed a second cup and poured the sticky liquid down the glass tube. Bon Bon was starting to get the hang of things and was grateful Lyra was here to help with her unicorn powers.

After filling the vials, the mares deposited the second wave of semen into the containment unit and stacked their empty cups on the counter. When they had filled a few more vials up, they began to feel more confident in their abilities. Even Bon Bon was getting excited about this job.

"Well, this is easy," Lyra said, smiling.

"Yeah, we can handle this okay," Bon Bon said.

After completing a couple more waves, the mares began to notice that the output from the other room was increasing. The size of the latest wave doubled from two cups to four.

"Whoever that stallion is, he's some kind of sex machine," Lyra said, concerned. She felt just the smallest twinge of panic as she levitated two vials for her, then two vials for Bon Bon.

They had just completed the first half of the wave, when the other two cups drew nearer and nearer to the conveyor belt's edge. Lyra levitated the full cups without spilling any of their contents, and set them down on the counter.

Lyra looked over at Bon Bon. She was frantically taking cups off the belt and setting them down on the counter in front of her. In spite of her efforts to stem the tide, more full cups made it past Bon Bon and were headed towards Lyra. She levitated a vial in front of herself and her marefriend. They worked faster, while still avoiding any spills. Lyra stopped cups from falling over the edge and levitated up more vials.

"Bon Bon, I think this... " Lyra started to say, but her thoughts were interrupted as she needed to focus on keeping the vials steady as they poured. Bon Bon was filling vials as fast as she could. Both mares continued to work at a manic pace as more and more samples continued to pile up on the counter.

"I think we're fighting a losing game!" Lyra shouted, pragmatically. She filled vial after vial with semen, barely making a dent in the large pile of filled cups littered before them.

"Hasn't he run out of magazines yet?!" Bon Bon asked, desperately. Lyra and Bon Bon were moving mechanically now. In an effort to minimize the time it took to pour each sample, the mares make quick, jerky, robotic-looking motions as they worked with the constant stream of cups.

Lyra and Bon Bon began to notice that the consistency of more recent samples was getting runnier and less viscous. The little light above the quality control flickered green, before turning red. When it changed colors, the belt came to a stop and a little door dropped over the slot. It read: Sperm Count Too Low. Will Return After a Vitamin and Folic Acid Supplement

Break.

One full cup was leaning precariously over the edge when the belt stopped. Lyra quickly rescued it from falling and set it down on one of the few clear spots that remained on the counter.

"Apparently, the stud took a break to build up his swimmers," Lyra said.

"How long will that take?" Bon Bon asked.

"How should I know?" Lyra said, "Hopefully he won't be back too soon; it could take us hours to get caught up." The mares had only filled one new vial, when they heard hoofsteps coming down the hall.

"It's Nurse Coldheart!" Bon Bon said, "We've got to tell her this is too much."

"Wait!" Lyra said, with a conspiratorial look on her face, "What if it isn't Nurse Coldheart, but the health inspector? We can't let him see all these open jizz cups everywhere! He'd write us up!"

"What do we do?" Bon Bon asked, looking around. There were no sinks or trash cans to dispose of the evidence.

"Hide it!" Lyra said, using magic to open up their saddlebags. Lyra poured sample after sample into their bags. Fortunately, neither of them had anything inside that couldn't be replaced. The hoofsteps were getting louder and both their bags were already filled to the brim with sperm. Tall stacks of empty cups rose up from the counter, but there were still some full cups left.

Lyra and Bon Bon stared at the remaining samples. They didn't want to lose their jobs. After looking at each other pitiably, they knew what they needed to do.

Without saying a word, each mare raised a full cup to their lips. Tilting their heads back, Lyra and Bon Bon drank several cups of warm stallion semen. It had the taste and texture of salty applesauce.

The two mares frantically guzzled cup after cup, filling their mouths until their cheeks distended.

They succeeded in hiding all the samples. Empty cups were stacked in neat rows, as Lyra and Bon Bon stood there with puffed out cheeks, afraid to swallow. Remembering their saddlebags were still open, Lyra levitated the flaps closed.

The two mares stood at attention as the door opened and in walked... Nurse Coldheart.

Lyra and Bon Bon were relieved that it hadn't been the health inspector, but they were also revolted at what they had just put themselves through for nothing.

When Coldheart walked in the room, she was quite impressed. Row after row of empty cups were stacked neatly along the counter. Lyra and Bon Bon appeared tired, but had a look of accomplishment on their faces.

"I was cleaning my office when I saw the little red light go on," Coldheart said, "That means the scanner detected a low sperm count in a sample. Our stallion will be ready to go again after he takes some vitamin supplements."

As she spoke those words, the red light disappeared and the little door raised back up. The stallion was ready for round two.

"Well, fine. You're doing splendidly." Coldheart said to her employees. Then raising a hoof, the nurse shouted, "Speed it up, Big Mac!" Lyra and Bon Bon's eyes bugged out of their heads. Their mouths were too full of semen to launch any sort of protest. As Coldheart returned to finish cleaning the building, Lyra and Bon Bon were too scared to move. Both mares gave a big gulp out of fear. They gave a queasy shudder as the viscous apple sauce slid down their throats. Bon Bon gave a small hiccup and blushed.

The proverbial floodgates were opened as Big Mac unleashed greater amounts of semen. Lyra and Bon Bon had abandoned all pretenses of filling up any more vials. Their main concern was to not let a drop of semen touch the ground, no matter the cost.

It was an hour later. Lyra had Bon Bon shuffled their hooves slowly as they made their way towards the front of the bank. Nurse Coldheart was escorting them. They couldn't keep up with her pace because their saddlebags were still filled to the brim with Apple seed. On top of that, both Lyra and Bon Bon's stomachs had distended because of all the samples they swallowed during that last hour. They felt ill as they approached the front desk, all the mares wanted to do now was go home and throw up.

"You did a great job, fillies," Coldheart said, beaming with pride, "You wore poor Big Mac out! Once I open and unload the storage unit, we should have plenty of stock for our customers!" The nurse was rather oblivious to the pained looks of her employees. Lyra and Bon Bon didn't have the heart to tell their boss that a majority of the samples had ended up in their bellies.

"I checked the room after you left and it was immaculate," Coldheart said, "The health inspector should find no problems here!" Lyra and Bon Bon nodded slowly as they kept shuffling towards the front door.

"We're... we're gonna' ta.. take off early today," Lyra said, breaking out into a cold sweat, "We're not feeling too well."

"You poor dears." Coldheart said, "Well, go on home then. You've certainly earned it! I've never seen a pair of mares so dedicated to their jobs as you two." Lyra and Bon Bon's faces were turning a light shade of green.

"Come back when you're feeling better," Coldheart said, cheerfully. The word 'come' gave Lyra a case of the dry heaves. The nurse didn't notice Lyra's discomfort as she offered them some advice, "If you want to get well fast, remember to drink plenty of fluids." At the mention of fluids, Bon Bon threw up a little in her mouth.

Lyra and Bon Bon stared at the door, which was only several feet away. The contents of their bags and stomachs began to slosh and churn as they attempted to move a little faster. Lyra and Bon Bon were almost in the clear. Once they made it out, they would ditch their bags and head for home. Since they weren't able to secure the samples they needed today, Lyra and Bon Bon planned to go home and think up a way to keep the cryobank from closing down.

At that same time, Caramel was rushing towards the cryobank. He had seen Lyra and Bon Bon's courage on the news yesterday. Listening to their inspired words at the rally motivated him to finally be honest with himself. He galloped up the steps to thanks them. Lyra and Bon Bon were just at the door when Caramel came barging in, knocking them back.

"Hey everyone!" Caramel said proudly, "I'm gay!" The meaningfulness of this life-changing announcement was undercut when the samples that the mares had been attempting to conceal flew out of their bags and landed with a splash on the lobby floor. Caramel and Nurse Coldheart stood, too shocked to speak. Lyra and Bon Bon lay on the ground, too bloated to move. At that moment, the health inspector picked the worst possible moment to arrive for his inspection.