Chapters I groaned, rubbing my head. My bed felt wrong. Fuck it...I can sleep like this. I was drifting back off the sleep when a gust of wind blew over me. The fuck? I was sure I closed my window last night. I reached out to slam the window shut but my hand passed by where the window should have been and flopped to the wet grass next to me. I blinked. Why was there grass in my room? I pulled my covers off my face and looked around at my...What? Why was I in a forest?! I stared at the forest before flopping back down on my mattress. "It's too fucking early for this shit." I groaned. I rolled over and attempted to get back to sleep.
Keyword: Attempted.
I was quickly jolted back into reality by a wolf howl close to me. I quickly scrambled off my mattress and stood up before looked around, currently shrugging off the odd weight on my back. Trees, trees, plants, wooden wolves surrounding me, open field...Wait, what? Wolves. Made of wood. With glowing green eyes. I stared in shock at the impossibilities surrounding me, snarling. Was I dreaming? Suddenly, one of the wood wolves pounced towards me.
"What?" I muttered intelligently before my throat was torn out. I gurgled out a scream as pain exploded through me. Not a dream, defiantly not a dream! My vision blurred before I was back before the wooden wolves. I blinked. "What?" I muttered again. Before my throat was torn out. Again.
I was, again, suddenly standing next to the wolves and...two bodies on the ground. The wolves turned to me, snarling, blood dripping from their fangs. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" I screamed as one of them snarled and leapt towards me. I threw myself backwards, away from the bloody fangs. I had no fucking clue as to what was happening, but I wasn't about to start asking questions! As I hit the ground I heard a clattering and looked to my right to see a handgun lying there on the ground next to me.
Where the fuck did that come from?! Did I have that on me?! As the wolf turned to me, growling, I decided on fuck it and grabbed the gun. I fired off round after round, maybe hitting the wolf twice in about fifteen bullets before the gun began to click as I pulled the trigger. I took a single step backwards before a wolf behind me took a chunk out of the back of my leg before another tore my throat out. Yet again.
I was standing next to the wolves again. This time I pulled out the handgun instantly for some reason, it was out of bullets so I don't know what I was expecting. As a wolf leaped for my throat again, I lined up the sights as if I had all the time in the world. Which, judging by this damn pattern, I might well have. I pulled the trigged and the wolf screeched as a bullet shot through its left eye, it would have been a good shot but I had been aiming for the middle of its forehead. Its momentum flung it into me, sending us both to the ground. I almost grinned for a moment before I heard it growl.
"How the hell are you STILL ALIVE?!" I screamed. It snarled. And then the fucking bullshit happened. Its. Motherfucking. Eye. Grew. Back. I gave it an even glare, "Oh, fuck you."
And, surprise, surprise, my throat was torn out. As I was bleeding out I noticed something on the ground next to me.
I HAD A SHOTGUN WITH ME THIS WHOLE TIME?!
This time I was ready. As soon as I...reincarnated? Whatever. As soon as I was brought back I pulled out the shotgun, finally realising what that heavy weight on my back was, and shooting one of the hellish wolves as it leaped for my throat. The kick of the gun almost blasting me off my feet, it sure as hell made me stumble back. I was just glad I had it braced against my shoulder and not by my waist as they do in films. Still, I could tell I'd be feeling the recoil for a few days. As I regained my balance I realised the wolf I'd blasted wasn't getting back up. Pretty hard to do when your neck and head are gone. Even for these resilient bastards. I'm actually surprised I hit the damn thing.
I pumped the barrel, which was a lot harder than I though it'd be, "Who else wants some?"
Of course, instead of playing fair, they all swarmed me. I shrieked and managed to take out another two of the pack before I was...before I had throat removal surgery.
After that it was a game of patience. Sometimes I took out one or two before...before being, uh...defeated. Sometimes I'd go down before even taking one out. But in the end the reminder of the wood wolves scarpered.
Once I was sure they were gone I gave a sigh of relief. "Okay. Where the fuck am I?" I asked myself. It was then I saw the bloody corpses of...me. "EW!" I cried before throwing up.
After I wiped the bile away from my mouth I turned away from the bodies for a second, only to look back as the forest started...absorbing the guns and everything that wasn't attached to my bodies! I just stared before the leaves on the ground began swirling around before settling to form words. 'Go.' I didn't need any further prodding and span around and ran away from the freakish place as fast as I could. As I ran I may or may not have gone in the opposite direction as an arrow the leaves were pointing. Eventually I came to a stop. There hadn't been any words in the ground or freakish wood wolves for a good while. I panted, getting air back into my lungs, while I was used to running, I was more used to straight, concrete paths, not forests with twists and turns. I sighed, just where was I? And how the hell had I gotten to this infernal place?! I needed to think. I started walking in a random direction, it was a better choice than just standing there and waiting for something else to kill me. As I walked I realise something else. I was parched! I guess running for your life makes you thirsty, huh?
"Great, now I need water." I grumbled. Like today couldn't get worse.
I stopped and looked around, looking for the best direction to take. That's when I heard it. Water. I quickly ran towards the sound of the precious liquid. I almost whooped for joy when I found a large river. I dropped to my knees next to it and scooped up water in my hands, the current stronger than I expected and almost pulling me in. Running water was safe to drink, right? I shook my head and drank as much as I could. As I drank I heard some small noises behind me, but I decided it was probably just a squirrel or something and leaned out for some more water. That's when something rammed into me and sent me flying into the water. I submerged for a second before surfacing. I looked around and saw I had already gone quite the distance. Where I was knelt before one of the wood wolves was stood, watching me. As I shot down the river I shot a glare at the Wood Wolf that pushed me in, the cunt.
I growled and tried to get ahold of the bank, but I was moving too fast and only succeeded in hurting my hand. Well at least it can't get any wo...No! I didn't say it! It doesn't count! I didn't finish the thought! It doesn't count! I was pulled around the turn in the river and saw the drop and rushing water. I was in a waterfall. "IT DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT!" I screamed. As I flew off the end of the waterfall I screamed for about three seconds before my head smashed into oblivion on a rock midway down. As I...reappeared into existence I let out a yelp as I fell through the air before smashing my head on the same rock. And again, and again, and again. I let out a frustrated scream, trying desperately to just move a few inches, but there wasn't much I could do in midair, yet the next time I...uh...came back, I fell and passed the rock by. When I realised what happened I let out a triumphant whoop before I realised I was still going to hit the water at close to terminal velocity. My cry of victory turned into a cry of terror a moment before I hit the water face first. For a split second I felt agony as my neck snapped, and then I reappeared not far above the water. I thought I was finally out of the horror show when I hit the water safely.
Of course that was when the falling water pushed me under. I span for several seconds as I panicked. Before long I lost track of up and down and my lungs began to burn from lack of air. I swam up, just to come to a wall. I started panicking. I looked around everywhere, I twisted, turned and struggled not to breath. I couldn't let myself die like this! I couldn't! Against my best efforts my mouth opened and water rushed in. I couldn't breath! Just water and water! I was barely aware that I had sunk to the bottom of the river. I began convulsing and thriving as my lungs felt like they were on fire. I started clawing at my face. NO! I needed air! I needed it now! NOT LIKE THIS, NO, NO, NO! Right as I blacked out my last sight was of a fox's snout poking into the water, mere inches away.
I let out a sudden gasp and my eyes sprang open as I began falling again. I looked down and landed in the middle of the pool, away from the falling water. I was finally free from that horror. I swam to the bank and pulled myself out of the water, I shook as much water off me as I could before walking off, my shoes squelching as I went. I grumbled under my breath as the constant noise from my shoes and being soaked to the bone began to get on my nerves. I wiped water out of my eyes and my foot caught on a tree root. I gave a yelp as I tripped up and went rolling down a hill. As I went I saw a large rock getting closer and closer. I gave a groan internally right before I smashed into the rock head first, my skull splitting open.
I looked down at the body and sighed, "Well...at least I'm not wet anymore." I set off walking again, keeping an eye out for roots or...just about anything really. I started pushing through bushes, just wanting out. I pushed past another bush, spitting leaves out of my mouth. "Ugh...where's the damn..." I trailed off as I spotted a dirt path leading out of the forest. "Exit...Well, looks like my luck's finally changing." No sooner had I said that then I heard a loud snap above my head. I looked up and saw a huge branch falling towards me. I opened my mouth to scream, but before any sound had a chance to escape the branch shot into my open mouth, cutting me deep into my body. I felt the vibrations as it shot out of my body and sunk into the ground, impaling me there. Then I felt the pain. I started screaming as best I could as my insides felt like they were being repeatedly stabbed while on fire. Blood began leaking out of my mouth and down my body.
I hoped that it would be over soon, but it seemed like I was due to suffer. I could feel myself dying, but the pain...the pain was too much! Shaking, I reluctantly raised my handgun slowly to my head. I started sobbing, not wanting to do it. But the pain was too much! Feeling my guts torn apart and my body slowly shutting down, I couldn't take it! I pulled the trigger.
I fell into the dirt and shuddered. That...was wrong. I looked up and saw my body, the bullet hole into the head. I shuddered again, "Never again." I whispered. "Never." Doing...that to myself...It wasn't right. I turned away and continued along the path, trying to put the event out of my mind. After what seemed like another hour or so the forest eventually stopped and...I was out? I blinked and looked back. Yep, I'd finally left the forest. Huh.
I let out a whoop of joy and did a little jig, "I'm out!" I giggled. I had a good look around, there was a little town not far ahead, it seemed quaint, like the sort of town you'd see on a postcard. At least now I could finally find out where I was! I made my way towards the town, a skip in my step. But as I approached I noticed something was wrong. The place looked like a ghost town. I wandered through the abandoned town. Where is everyone? As I continued walking I started slowly feeling like something was terribly wrong. This wasn't right. I hadn't seen a single soul. No people, no pets, not even pigeons. It wasn't right.
Was I alone here? But the place was clean and...it looked like everyone had just evacuated. It didn't make much sense. Hell, nothing made sense. Especially the...thing that happened when I di...I...when I got hurt. I sighed and rubbed my head. Well, at least this day couldn't get more fucked up, right?
"Hi!"
"WHOA!" I screeched, falling on my back.
"Oops. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm..." It was then I saw who was speaking. Or rather what. A small pink horse.
"Fuck you, universe," I groaned, "fuck you."
Author's Note
So this is something I've been toying with for a while.
Oh yeah.
The pink horse looked down at me, “Are you swearing at the universe in frustration? I prefer serenading it myself.”
I blinked. What.
“Then it usually tells me to be quiet after a few hours, which is really mean, but that's all right because I know it actually has a really hard job, but then I switch to a polka and dance and snuggle my way onto the top of its head.”
I snorted with laughter at the absurdity of it, “You’re crazy!”
She giggled, “Probably! You're the first one to realise that, keep it a secret? Besides it got you laughing!” She smiled at me, “Feel better?”
I stood up, “Yeah. Thanks.” I might as well deal with the...alien? Whatever, talking ponies isn't as bad as what I've been through. I'd be freaking out pretty bad if I didn't have bigger problems to deal with. “So, is it just you here?” I asked.
Her eyes lit up, “Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Welcome to Ponyville!” She, I mean, she sounded pretty damn female to me, started bouncing up and down. “I have to throw you a Welcome To Ponyville party!”
Okay? “Uh...With who? ”
“Oh, right! Everypony is at the party!”
I sighed, she was clearly too excitable to have any useful information for me. “Look, can you take me to someone? I need to talk to someone with some information about this place.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” She started bouncing away, chattering about the most random things.
I rubbed my nose and followed her. Was she really crazy or was it just an act? Well, whatever, I guess. The town was just as nice as it looked from a distance. It was still as deserted as it was before. I wondered what party it was that...uh, pink...was talking about? Hey, if I was lucky maybe they already knew about me and they were preparing my way home and it was a farewell party! I thought back to my luck in the forest. Or maybe not.
As we walked I made a mental map as we went. When we arrived at a...treehouse? Housetree? House inside a tree, I had a pretty good idea how to get around the place. I shook myself out of my thoughts as we approached the tree.
She was still going on, “-and then he started shouting, ‘Snake? Snake?! Snaaaaake!’” Wait, what the what?! Did she just quote Metal Gear?! “And that's how he lost his pet snake.” I...really don't know what to think of her. “Oh, we’re here!” She pushed open the door and went in. I sighed and followed her in, shutting the door behind me. What? It's polite.
As I turned back to find the pink horse had found some equally colourful friends, including a...pegasus and...unicorn. I let out a quiet groan and slumped down to the floor and began to wonder if I had gone insane.
“Pinkie!” The purple unicorn shouted. Really? Really? That was the pink one’s name? “Where have you been? We need you here!”
Pinkie giggles, “Sorry, Twilight, I had to greet somepony new to Ponyville!” Twilight? Ponyville? Great, either I actually have gone completely mental or this place is as badly named as calling a dog Dog.
That got the rest of the group’s attention, they looked up from the pile of books and scrolls between them and noticed me. Realising this was my shot at introducing myself I stood up. “Greetings to you, my name is Leon Walters, human,” My smile dropped, “And wandering loser. ” Okay, yes, so I was feeling slightly bitter about what happened in the forest. And my whole life before really.
“Wandering loser?” The white unicorn said. “Darling, whatever do you mean by that?”
I waved her off, “Forget it, I'm just being bitter.” I coughed into my hand, “Allow me to reintroduce myself, I am Leon Alexander Walters at your service.” I bowed. Dad had always insisted on proper manners, even if I didn't usually show them.
Her eyes lit up, “Well met, Mr Walters! I am Rarity, owner of Carousel Boutique, I must say I find your attire interesting.” My clothes? I looked over myself, I was just in a black hoodie and jeans. Actually, had I gone to sleep in them? I was sure I'd taken them off the night before. Just another mystery to add to the growing pile.
“Really?” I asked.
“Indeed! If you ever need more clothes then I insist you come to me! Oh, you'll get a heavy discount, of course! Seeing you has me just bursting with ideas!”
Huh. “Oh, thanks.”
“My pleasure, Mr Walters.”
“Uh, just Leon, please, Mr Walters is my dad.”
She giggled, “Of course, darling.”
One of the others cleared their throat, “Uh, Rarity, if you're done?” It was the orange...normal horse. Why was she southern? She came up to me and held out her hoof and I cautiously took it and holy hell she had a good shake! “Names’s Applejack! Good to meet you, Leon!”
I grinned back, “You too. Be better if I hadn't had to run from these wooden wolves first, but you deal with the hand you’re dealt, right?” Wait, how was her hoof holding onto me?
Her limb dropped, “You tangled with Timberwolves?! You alright?!” She quickly began checking me over.
“I'm, uh, fine. I'm fine.” I shook her off.
The blue pegasus flew in my face, “And how’d you do that, huh?” She pretty much demanded. She needs to tone down the aggression or someone might take it the wrong way.
“That's easy, Prismatic Rainbow.”
“Its Rainbow Dash.” She corrected.
“Eh, close enough.” I shrugged. “How did I get away untouched? Simple.” They leaned in closer. “I ran like my arse was on fire.” I lied, but it was a good lie. Like they'd believe me about what really happened.
Applejack chuckled, “Yep, that'd work all right.”
“Hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle, you said you are a...human, correct?” The purple unicorn said, floating over a quill and paper.
I nodded, “Yeah, that's right. Wait, how the fuck are you doing that?!”
She raised an eyebrow, “Magic.”
I blinked, “Magic? There's fucking magic …” I slumped back to the floor with a groan. “That's it. I'm done.” Of course there's magic! Why wouldn't there be magic?!
“Are...you okay?” I looked up to see the yellow pegasus standing closer to me.
I sighed. I had to deal with this now, I couldn't keep trying to shut down at every shock. Okay, magic. Maybe I can deal, I mean the planet still revolves around the sun, right?
“I…” I stopped and took a deep breath. “I'm fine, just...it's shock after shock here, isn't it? Magic, huh? Sure, I'll have a panic attack later.”
Twilight gave me an odd look, “Why would magic make you have a panic attack?”
“Maybe because where I'm from there's no such thing as magic! ” I snapped. Okay deep breaths. Panic later find out where I am now. “Okay. Let's just finish the introductions, yeah?”
“Um, right.” Twilight muttered before pointing to the yellow pegasus. “Well, this is Fluttershy.”
“Hey.” I said. She hid behind Twilight. “Oh, right, she's shy, I get it.”
“And you already know Pinkie Pie.” Twilight finished.
I looked at the pink horse, “Actually she never introduced herself.”
“Oops.” Pinkie gave a sheepish grin.
Now, time to get down to business and hopefully put to rest some fears I had. “Is there a globe around here?”
“Yes, here.” Twilight...hovered one over to me.
I snatched it out of the air and studied it for several minutes. “FUUUUUUUCK!” I roared.
Applejack was returning a book to the bookshelves lining the walls and lost her balance and fell over. “What in tarnation?!”
I let out a long scream, venting the last of my anguish. I then dropped the globe. “I hoped I was wrong.” I groaned. “I wished I was wrong!”
“What's wrong with you? ” Rainbow asked.
I grabbed her by the face, “Tell me, little, blue, flying, probably a figment of my mind, magical horse?!” I grinned. “How does one react to possibly being either insane or stuck on another planet? Which is worse?! ” If I was insane then it didn't matter if I either hurt them or got hurt because I was safe in a nice hospital!
“Get off me!” She yelled, hitting me across the face.
I blinked and let her go before nursing my throbbing cheek. “Thanks. I needed that.” I said. “I was losing my grip.”
“Whatever. And we're ponies not horses!” She shouted. Eh, I did grab her face, so she gets a free pass this time.
“Whatever. So, where is everyone in this town?”
“Oh, they're all at a party, the girls and I are just here sorting out the library.” Twilight answered me.
“Right.”
Two seconds passed before Twilight was in my face with a notepad and quill, “Did you say you’re from another planet?! ”
I jolted backwards and fell over a book behind me. I just looked up at her as a book fell on my head. “Ow.”
She at least had the good graces to look guilty. “Um, sorry.”
“You'd best be. That hurt. ” I grumbled.
“Can you tell me about your species?” She looked like she was about to faint from excitement.
Talk about humanity? Pass. “No. Not today. You know, seeing as I just discovered I might be cut off from them forever! ”
“Oh. Right.” She lowered her head.
Damn it. “We have no magic and we built tools to survive. That's all you’re getting for now.”
Her eyes lit up, “Thank you!”
“Yeah, yeah, no worries. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to just sit around here and hope I get some fucking karmic justice around here and a place to stay just drops into my lap.” Yes, it was lazy, but at the moment I really didn't care.
“Well, if you want you could stay here while you tell me about your species.” Twilight offered.
I blinked. Huh, that was easy. Don't know why she's trusting me, she just met me. Ah well, not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Wait, is that offensive? “Sure. Now, you go on your business, I'll be practicing a skill.”
With that the ponies began talking and sorting the books. It seemed like they were good friends. I shook my head and focused. As they spoke I practiced drawing my sidearm. Draw. Holster. Draw. Holster. It was the fourth time drawing that I drew a little too fast and the gun slipped from my grip and crashed into a plant pot, shattering it and spraying soil all over. I winced. Well, on the plus side, at least I remembered to put the safety on first.
The group gave me a look. "I meant to do that!" I said automatically.
Rainbow snorted, "You meant to smash the plant pot?"
Fuck. "It was looking at me funny." I only realised what I was saying halfway through saying it, but if I'd stopped it would have looked even more awkward.
She looked a second away from laughing, “It was looking at you funny?”
Quick, salvage the situation! “Your hair means you’re dumb!” Brain, are you even on today?
As they stared at me Twilight was looking at a book oddly. "I don't remember getting this book!" Twilight cried like it was the worst thing in the world. I was thankful for the distraction.
I shrugged, "So? You can't possibly remember every book you have in this library just by mind." I caught the looks on her friends faces. "You're kidding...right?" From their faces I'd say that was a big fat no. "Aw, man, you need help. Ever considered getting a boyfriend? Girlfriend?" I guess I didn't have any room to talk when it came to romantic partners though. Here I was, twenty three and still never had a girlfriend, never been kissed and never had sex. Oh well, that shit isn't really important when you have good friends. Oh, god that sounded wrong!
"Hey!" She whined. "Well, I don't even understand what it's for. It seems to be an educational book, but...I don't get it, well, I guess there are books for ponies who are...slower. But it doesn't even talk about rags or...or...AGH!" She slammed her head onto a desk she was passing.
I went over and retrieved my handgun before picking up the book and looked the cover over. 'How To Properly Clean Your Weapon'. I flicked through the pages before coming to a page detailing...cleaning firing mechanisms? Hang on, this is a book on cleaning guns! "Yeah, I'm having this."
“What?” Twilight asked, lifting her head.
“I'm having this book as, shall we say, payment for telling you about my family life.”
Her eyes lit up again, “Yes! It's not a library book and it doesn't belong to anypony, so sure!”
“We'll talk later.” I said, preparing to relax. There was a sudden scream outside and five of the girls were suddenly racing outside. I blinked and looked over to Fluttershy, “I'd rather stay in here. You?” She gave me a nod. “Great!”
That plan lasted only five seconds until Rainbow flew back in and dragged Fluttershy outside. I stood there. Alone. I groaned, “I hate being alone!” Seeing no other choice I walked outside and joined them. I had to push apart the sudden mass of ponies that had appeared to find out what the big deal was.
“Hey! Watch it!” One pony yelled as I shoved them aside.
“Take it up with my dick! ” I shot back.
I finally got to the front of the crowd and rejoined the girls. “So what's the problem?”
Then I saw the blood and tree branch impaled through the body. They had one of my bodies.
“Shit.” I saw the looks I was getting. "What? That's...Okay, I don't even know how to explain this."
“Then...then try.” Twilight said, looking about two seconds away from throwing up.
“Fine.” I looked at the body and twitched. “Can somebody get rid of this thing?!” Who even dragged that shit in here?
There was some grumbling as a red unicorn pushed his way to the front and began dragging my body away. “Finally!” Rarity gasped. “The stench of that thing was terrible! ”
“Hey!” I snapped. “I don't care if I wasn't in it, that's still my body!” I saw the looks the townsfolk were giving me. I sighed, “Alright, gather around. This is the tale of how I arrived in this land. This is the tale of how I died.” Hey, I played enough games to develop a taste for the dramatic, give a guy a break, yeah?
And so I told the town my story. Omitting the...uh, drowning scene, that's one thing I never want to think about again. And...well, let's just say I now had a lot of sympathy around town. Fluttershy in particular seemed to be getting protective of me, as we left the crowd she was clinging to me.
“Fluttershy, please get off. I'm not going to get hurt here. I appreciate it, but please stop.”
“Sorry.” She whispered, letting me go.
“It's fine. We can't exactly move like that could we?”
“Who are you?” A new voice asked.
I looked around and saw a purple and green lizard thing standing by Twilight. What is that? Twilight smiled, “Spike, this is Leon he'll be living with us while he tells me about his species. Leon, this is Spike, my dragon assistant.”
“Hey. Dragon, huh? Cool. ” It was mega cool. What kid didn't dream about meeting a dragon?
He puffed up, “Yep, that's me, cool all the way through.” He raised an eyebrow, "So what was the big deal before?”
I shrugged, “It was a dead body of mine that I recently, uh...moved out of .” I shrugged.
"Oh, is it a clone's body and you have a bunch and when you die your mind jumps into another one?" Spike asked excitedly.
I glanced down at the comic book in his hand. The subtitle 'Maximum Clonage'. "No, you're reading too many comics." Aaaand now I wish I had my collection of Spider-Man's Clone Saga with me. At least that we could compare comics.
“Aw.”
I smirked, “Or maybe not enough comics.”
“Please don't encourage him to read more comics.” Twilight muttered.
I waved her off, “Oh, please! Comics are wonderful! They teach right from wrong, a sense of justice…” I gave a smirk, “and how to make some money!”
She shook her head and walked off. As the rest of us followed her back to the library Spike and I just talked about comics. Somewhere along the way Twilight got it into her head that she would be able to unlock magic in me. Something about all living things absorbing the world’s natural magic and there being a spell to give people at least a small bit of magic.
As we gathered in the main room in the library, Spike going upstairs to read, I let her know my thoughts. “Look, I'm not so sure. We’re talking about pure arcane power here, right? What if something goes wrong and I turn into some sort of mindless monster?”
“That doesn't happen.” Twilight chuckled. “The spell just gives you enough magic to jumpstart your own magical core. Of course the magic could manifest as being able to perform spells, walk on clouds, anything.”
“I don't like it. I still think something will go wrong.”
"Please, the chances of this spell going wrong are one in six billion five thousand and thirty two point five."
I sighed, "Fine. Go ahead. I guess it'd be nice to fling around magic."
Her horn lit up and all the light in the room seemed like it was getting sucked into her. After about five minutes there was a large ball of magic above her horn. With a flick of her head two beams shot out of the energy ball and struck me in the chest. It...actually felt kind of nice.
I blinked as I was suddenly standing about a foot to the right. "Wait...what just happened?" Did...did I just...teleport?
I saw the girls all staring at a spot on the floor. I walked over and took a look. It was...just a scorch mark. Huh. "Hey, Twilight, did something explode here a while ago or something?" I asked.
She looked up at me and...was she crying? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed, digging her head into my side.
"Er...There, there?" I said, patting her head and trying to figure out what she was talking about. "So...what are you sorry for again? All I know is that I suddenly moved a few feet. Why were you staring at that mark? Did I teleport?"
"Darling...How should I put this?" Rarity muttered. "That mark...it's...ah..."
"It's you." Applejack cut in.
"What?" I said flatly.
"You exploded."
"Ah. That, uh...explains the tears." After Twilight had calmed down and stopped throwing apologies at me I let out a sigh and said, "You know...those odds have probably reset now. Want to try again?"
And that's how a second scorch mark appeared in the library.
"Um...we could try again?" Twilight offered.
"Uh...I'm, uh, I'm good." I squeaked.
"Please? I know how to stop you exploding this time!" She begged.
I sighed, "Oh, all right. But this is the last time!"
She quickly started the spell again. Everything seemed to be going well. I didn't explode this time!
I ran out of the library screaming as the fire covering me burnt me alive.
After I had quickly been burnt to a husk I sat and watched as local ponies soaked my old body in case a fire started and sipped the milkshake Twilight had bought for me. I was really starting to hate this place.
I took another sip of my banana milkshake before biting into the chocolate muffin. Eh, but the food’s good.
Author's Note
Kill count.
I woke to a commotion downstairs. Smacking my lips tiredly I rolled out of bed and slipped my clothes on. I grumbled to myself as I wandered downstairs. As I passed Twilight and Spike I heard them talking loudly about...something. As I poured myself a bowl of cereal and glass of juice I nodded to them, “Morning...or whatever it is.”
“Afternoon, Leon.” Spike said, messing with something on the table.
I rubbed my eyes and focused. Why were there a pile of comic covering the table? “Spike...are those yours?”
He shook his head, “No!”
“Spike, who else could they belong to?!” Twilight snapped.
“I've never heard of...X-Men or Spider-Man!” He shouted. “I’ve told you! They are not mine!”
Wait...what? I grabbed one of the thick volumes. I gave a grin, “Yes! These are mine!” I frowned, “But how'd they get here?”
“Wait, these are yours? But...how did you bring them here, you arrived without them, right?” Twilight asked.
I frowned, “I sure as hell didn't bring them. How'd they get here?”
They exchanged glances, “We don't know. They were here when I woke up.” Twilight said.
“Huh. Well, I'll just go out then in my room.” I picked up the first pile and stood up.
“I'll help.” Twilight said with a smile.
As she lit up her horn I panicked. “No, no, no, stop!” I cried.
Her horn dimmed, “What’s wrong?”
“Look, your magic is all fine and dandy, but I don't trust it. I don't know anything about it, I'm not letting something that's a mystery to me touch my prized possessions.” I sighed, “Look, I don't mean to sound nasty, it's just these are important to me. It's manual or not at all.”
“Twilight, just let me and Leon handle this, we know how to handle comics.” Spike said, picking up another stack and following me.
Soon enough we had piled all my comics against one of the walls in my room. I looked over to Spike and saw him huffing and puffing. “Thanks, man.”
He smiled, “No problem.”
I thought for a second before grinning, “Hey, Spike? Want to read some superhero comics from an alien planet?”
His eyes lit up, “Would I?! ”
We spent the next two hours reading and sipping the lemonade that Twilight brought us. As I suspected he loved Spider-Man. Then again, who didn’t? I stood and stretched, “Well, I’m going to get down to Sugercube, you want me to get you anything?”
“A sapphire cupcake if they have them.” He said, flipping the page.
“Sure, I’ll be back soon.” As I went downstairs landed wrong and I fell face first down to the floor with a sickening crack. I respawned, sighed and looted my body before dragging it towards the front door. “I’m going out for a few minutes, Twi!” I shouted, opening the door and dragging the body out towards the fenced off pit of corpses. I stopped and panted for a minute before hauling my body into the pit.
Just how many bodies were in there?! It had been a week! A week inside a town! How had I... How had I lost that many bodies just wandering the town?! I shook my head, “Man, like any of this makes sense.” I headed towards Sugercube Corner, I was hungry for a chocolate muffin. Or three.
As I walked through the streets I waved to the various vendors I’d learned the names of. As I approached Sugercube Corner I heard the familiar sound of the CMC’s wagon and scooter combo. I smiled and turned to the source of the noise and my smile faltered as I saw the group flying through the air towards me. A second later two fillies landed in my arms and a third slammed into my face. Whatever I was going to say vanished as the scooter crashed into my leg. I let out a whimper and slowly, making sure the girls were safe, crumpled to the ground.
“Uh...Leon?” Apple Bloom asked. “Are...are you okay?” They climbed off me and watched me not crying into the dirt.
“Are you crying?” Scootaloo asked.
“No.” I whispered, climbing to my feet again and rubbing my shin. Motherfucker stung. “You girls okay?”
Sweetie nodded, “Uh huh. Thank you for catching us, Mr Leon.”
I waved her off, “Eh, don’t worry about it, just...you kids try to take it easy, you don’t have my abysmal luck, but be careful, okay?”
They nodded, “Yes, Mr Leon!” They chorused.
I chuckled, “Well...at least try to keep it in mind, I know what it’s like at your age, the world’s open for adventure, no time to slow down and take things easy. I’ve done the same sort of things.”
“Wait, I thought you said your species couldn’t get cutie marks!” Sweetie squeaked.
“I mean that I know what it’s like to do crazy things as a kid.”
“Oh.”
My stomach rumbled, telling me to get moving. “Tell you what, meet me at Twilight’s and I’ll tell you all about what I’ve done, I’m just going to grab a quick snack. Trust me, I’ve probably done worse than you three.” They cheered and rode off. I chuckled, they were cute, if destructive as all hell.
I shook my head and entered Sugercube Corner, the place was quiet for once, must have been a slow hour. I grinned as I saw Pinkie at the counter. “Hiya, Leon!” She chirped.
“Hey, Pinks. How you been?”
“Good! What’ll it be today?” She said before pointing to a big chocolate cake. “We’ve got chocolate cake today!”
Oh, when was the last time I had chocolate cake? “Alright, you damn temptress, two chocolate muffins, a large slice of chocolate cake and do you have any sapphire cupcakes?”
“Sure we do!” She bagged my food. “That'll be twenty five bits!”
I fished the bits out of the money bag Twilight had given me, “Those sapphire ones are expensive, huh?”
She shrugged, “It’s stressful to make sure they come out just right.”
“Right, well, I’ll see you around, Pinkie.”
“Bye bye!” She shouted as I left.
As I headed back to the library I munched down a muffin. The only time I’d had better muffins was when my dad made me them from scratch. I reminisced about when I was a kid, licking chocolate sauce out of a bowl and getting it all over my face. By the time I got back home I had only the chocolate cake left. Before I got close to the library I noticed the chariot that was parked outside, it looked more like a carriage though compared to the open backed chariots I’d seen around.
I shook my head and headed in. There were five Royal Guards stood around the main room, almost all of them wielding spears, with Twilight and Spike in discussion with them, Twilight looking panicked while Spike just looked unimpressed at them. They noticed me as I shut the door.
“Leon!” Twilight gave an...off grin.
I raised an eyebrow, "Hey, Murderer, what'd you do?"
"Stop calling me that!"
"Nah."
One of the Guards stepped forwards, “Human, the princesses demand an audience!” He said loudly. “You have wasted enough of our time, you are to come immediately!”
“Wow, rude much?” I raised an eyebrow, “How about I give you lot the finger ,” I flipped them off, “And you go back to sucking your daddy’s dick? Go on, shoo, I heard your old man calling for his little bitch. ”
Their eyes boggled and a few jaws dropped, Twilight’s included, whilst Spike just chuckled quietly to himself. During the week I’d discovered the little dragon had quite the dirty sense of humour. I passed Spike his cupcake. “Thanks, man!” He grinned.
“Yeah, so, I’ll see you later, Murderess, most likely when the fuckwits are gone.”
I started to leave when the Guards finally got their collective one brain cell working. "Stop in the name of the princesses!"
I chuckled, "There's literally nothing you can do to stop me." I carried on walking. I got about five steps before I started hovering off the ground. I blinked and looked back at one of the ponies who had their horn lit up. "Except that, apparently."
“Leon!” I looked up in time to see Spike just about managing to toss me my shotgun. I caught it one hand and spun it around before pumping it, loading a shell into the gun. Hey, I wasn’t about to leave a gun ready to fire around Spike, that’d just be irresponsible. “Sounds like you might be running into trouble.”
I smirked, “Thanks, Spike.” I was glad to have my shotgun to go along with my handgun. Yes , I carried my handgun around the town, Ponyville is crazy! I decided to start carrying my gun after some beast charged out of the forest and ate me. “Alright, cockmunchers, since I don’t really have a choice I’ll go with.” Well, I could shoot them, but I’m not a psycho so that thought didn’t cross my mind...For more than a second. As I was floated outside I saw the CMC staring. “Sorry, girls, I’ll tell you my stories when I get back! I promise!” I was roughly shoved into the chariot outside and the door slammed shut. Soon we had taken off and with nothing to do I started humming.
It was about five minutes later when one of the Guards spoke up, “Shiner, can’t you, I don’t know, cast a soundproofing spell or something? That thing’s getting on my last nerves!”
“I’ve already told you I can’t! It’s not exactly something you can learn on the spot you know!” Another Guard, presumably the unicorn of the group, shouted back.
I grinned, “It was at this moment Shiner knew...He fucked up.” I then proceeded to sing horribly off key for the next two hours to the extreme displeasure of them all. By the time we got to Canterlot I was pretty much ripped from the chariot and thrown to the ground by magic.
“For the love of Celestia! Shut up!” Shiner roared.
“Aw, are you annoyed, Shiner?” I mocked, standing back up and brushing myself down.
“The name is Shine Star!” He looked...oddly proud of that.
“Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh,” I nodded, “I’m just going to call you Faggot.”
He almost lunged for me when one of his butt buddies stepped in, “Come on, Shiner, let’s just get this moron to the princesses and be done with it.” They led me into the castle, seeing as we had stopped just outside it didn’t take too long to get to a large pair of double doors.
“There. The princesses are waiting for you through there. Show some respect. ” Shine snapped.
As they moved away I gave them a wave, “Bye, Faggot, see you and your butt buddies later! Don’t make too much of a mess on the floor unless one of you is into licking it up!” His friends had to hold him back again as he tried to charge me. I laughed as they dragged him away, yelling and snarling.
As soon as they were out of sight the doors slowly opened up to reveal a long throne room, stained glass windows on either side, depicting some event or another, as I walked along I noticed that a few were of Twilight and her friends, even one of Spike. As I reached the throne I locked eyes with the two princesses. They looked just like Twilight had described, without the hero worship thing of Celestia she had going on exaggerating every little detail. While Luna...appeared to be dozing off.
“Greetings, Mr Leon, welcome to Canterlot Castle. I am glad you could accept our invitation.” Celestia said with a serene smile, but I could see through it. She’d never meant to give me a choice.
“I don’t really think I had much of a choice.”
“There is always a choice.” Yeah, accept or get repeated stabbed for the next four hours. “Besides, it is customary to bow when meeting either myself or Princess Luna.”
“There’s only one person I’d bow to and that’s only out of respect. And you ain’t my queen, so screw that.”
She blinked, “Your world is run by a queen? Twilight never mentioned that.”
I snorted, “My country used to be, these days she tends to just sit around her palace, occasionally doing some speech or other. The government runs things. Uh, if you wouldn’t tell Twilight that, I’m planning on telling her at the next...lesson thing. Whatever you want to call it.”
She nodded, “That seems fair.” She nudged Luna.
“Huh, what? Mooncakes!” She spluttered.
“Luna, our guest is here.”
“Ah...apologies, young sir.” She yawned.
"So, kidnappers, what'd you want? " Yeah, let's get down to business.
"Kidnappers? I'm afraid you're mistaken, we are-" Celestia tried to smooth talk her way out of it. I wasn’t having that shit.
"Fuck off." I spat. "Your men forced me to come here after you told them to. That makes you two kidnappers."
Luna blinked and turned to Celestia, “Sister you did give him a choice, correct? ”
“Of course I did.” Celestia lied.
“Yeah, come or get stabbed. That was the impression I got.” I snapped.
“In that case I apologise, I should have been more clear in my orders.” She had that same damn serene smile on her face!
“What the hell do you two want?” I sighed. I just wanted to get back home
“We have recently come into knowledge that King Sombra has returned and taken over the Crystal Empire once again.”
“Sombra? I thought he was dead?” I said. That’s what Twilight told me.
“That’s what we thought too. He’s always been able to undermine our strategies in the past, I see no reason that should have changed now. So we decided on a more unorthodox approach.”
I didn’t like this. “You.” Luna said.
“With the stallion that has returned from the grave, who better to defeat him then the one that cannot stay dead?” Her smile turn vicious her a mere moment. I wasn’t sure if I hadn’t imagined it. “Now after his defeat you will, of course, receive honours for your work to the crown. Good, now, there is a train in fifteen minutes that should get you to the Crystal Empire. Time is of the essence, move quickly.”
My blood boiled, she was talking as if I’d already agreed! Her arrogance enraged me! “Fuck you!” I spat, shocking them into silence. “You think I'm just going to do your bidding?! You two have some screws loose if you think I'm just going to do every little thing you demand of me! I'm not one of your servants and I'm fucking sure as hell not one of your little bitches, bending over and begging you to fuck me over, you want me to do something you're going to have to ask! Maybe beg if I'm pissed off! And I'm not doing shit for free! I want payment! Good payment. Paid hourly! And guess what?! If you don't like my terms then you're oh so welcome to come over here and suck my dick! ”
Luna stood, “How dare you talk to your princesses this way!” She yelled.
“I'm not one of your subjects!” I shouted back. “Your not my royalty! So show me just why I should respect you!”
“Because you are living in our kingdom!”
I laughed, “Tell me something, do you really think I want to live here? Nightmare Moon. ” Celestia’s eyes widened in horror as I said that. “Oh, boo hoo, you had a bad past, get over it. You tried to kill everything because no one was paying attention to you! Grow the fuck up.”
Luna and I glared at each other for another minute before she burst out laughing, “Sister, this one I like! He has the fire of warriors in his belly!” She grinned at me, “Why are the ponies of this age not like him?!”
Celestia groaned, “Luna, not now.”
“Well, unless you want to talk prices, I'm happy to talk about how placid ponies are.” I smirked.
“Fine! One thousand bits an hour! Happy?!” She snapped. “Why do you even need money?! Twilight told what happens when you die!”
I twitched for a second before laughing, “Oh, fuck no! You really think I'm going to work for peanuts?! Get real or I'm off back to Ponyville.”
“Five thousand!”
I smirked, “You know, maybe Sombra will actually pay me. Twenty thousand.”
“Fifteen thousand. If you work for Sombra you might as well sell your soul as well!”
I sighed, “You know this would have been easier if you asked me instead of this whole thing, right?”
“So you agree?” Celestia’s eyes lit up.
I sighed, “Yeah, sure, whatever.” Fifteen thousand bits an hour? I might finally be able to buy Spike some more gems. And a suit. Got to get my dragon some swag.
Author's Note
Kill count.
I woke with a loud snort. “Huh, what?!” I looked around in a panic for a second before I remembered I was on a train. I yawned before getting to my feet and stretching. “Man, how long was I asleep?” With no answer I opened the blinds on the window and took a peek out. It was daylight, which was good news seeing as it had been dark when I’d dropped off. Yeah, apparently it was a twenty four hour train ride to the Crystal Empire. So nice of Celestia to mention that. Bitch. I glanced at the snow that covered the world outside. I guess that was a good sign. Must be there soon.
I stared at my reflection in the glass for a minute before noticing my hair. I pinched a strand of the curly mess. The brown was fading to a lighter colour. “Damn it.” I groaned, I guess it was inevitable but I’d hoped the hair dye would have lasted a while longer, I had...what? Maybe a week or two left? I ended up staring at my reflection for a while longer as I slowly shook off the drowsiness that I felt, deep brown eyes stared back at me.
Celestia...what's your game? I'd seen that look in the eyes of others, those who see people as a means to an end, as pawns in some great game of chess. I'd seen it too many times to mistake it for anything else. Now what's the endgame? Power? Money? Or is it as simple as wanting to protect your people? I wish I could believe that last one, but with the political power you have I can't just count on you to do the right thing. Not when she’s been sending Twilight and her friends to fight things she could have done herself. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra. And those are just three examples of things that, if Twilight had failed, would have been disastrous. What other things is she hiding? What is it Celestia is planning? I don’t know if I can find out, but I don’t trust her.
I thought back to what I said in Canterlot. Was I a dick to her? Yes, yes I was, but she deserved it. I could see it in her eyes, she planned on using me as a pawn to further her plans, I had to derail that. She might not trust me now. That’s fine. I had made her throw me out of any future plans of hers except maybe as an obstacle to overcome, not someone for her to control and manipulate. Now Luna...I don’t know. She seemed like she didn’t know my circumstances, plus she said she liked my ‘fire’ whatever that meant. I’ll reserve judgement on her for now.
I sighed and slumped back, I was mentally exhausted. Yes, I should be able to trust the princesses, but with what happened I don’t know if I can. I shook my head, I should just focus on the present, I have to deal with Sombra for now. I spotted a sandwich on a tray opposite me and bit into it. One of the staff must have dropped it off while I slept. As I ate I tried to come up with a plan. I couldn’t just run up to Sombra and start punching him, that was stupid , and I might not be that bright, but I’m not an idiot. First I had to find out what he was planning, what his goals were.
I finished my sandwich and closed my eyes. Why was I getting involved in this? I just had to let Celestia send Twilight and co. They’d deal with it like they had before. An image of Spike flashed in my mind. Spike...Right. I had to protect him from danger, if I could protect that innocent dragon. We’d bonded quickly and he felt...almost like family by now. My eyes snapped open, where had that thought come from?! But the more I thought about it the more I realised it was true. The little dragon had become something of a brother to me. Almost like he was the brother I nearly had. I sighed. This was getting more and more complicated as it went on. I cleared my head and just sat there in the silence. I needed to relax.
I opened my eyes as I felt the train beginning to slow. “Crystal Empire! Last stop!” A mare called out. Kind of pointless, seeing as I was the only one there.
Ah, well. I stood and stretched as the train stopped. I pulled my shotgun off the shelf above my hand and slotted in into it’s holster on my back before patting the holster at my hip and finding my handgun still there I headed for the exit and carefully stepped onto the wooden platform of the train station. I tugged my hoodie closer and flipped my hood up as the frigid wind bit into my skin and the snow began sticking to my clothes.
The same mare that had called out came to the doorway, “You be careful on the way, the snow around here holds dangers.” She said. “We’ll be back here for you at noon in two days time.” As I opened my mouth to ask what she meant about the snow the door slammed shut and a second later the train started moving off. Ah well, I’d figure it out on my own.
Through the blizzard I caught sight of some sort of city that shimmered and shined through the snow. Nodding to myself I began to make my way there. As I walked the snow beneath my feet crunched. I paused before taking another step, eliciting another crunch. A grin broke out on my face and I began shuffling and taking lots of small steps just hear that glorious sound underfoot. I laughed loudly to myself. It had been years since I’d been able to hear and feel that magnificent sound!
I had been prancing around for a good ten minutes, giggling to myself, when I jumped ahead and dropped until the snow was around my thighs. I blinked for a few seconds before bursting out with laughter and pulled myself out of the snowbank. I gave a happy sigh, I hadn’t had this much fun in snow since I was a little kid, and the most snow we ever got in my country was at most an inch or three. Every five years.
My smile faded as I felt the ground rumbling and I blinked as a bunch of wolves made of ice rose from the snow, their eyes glowing a bright blue. “What?” I said dumbly before my throat was torn out.
As I respawned I gave a bitter laugh, “Yeah, no. We're not doing this again.” I pulled my shotgun and began firing. I hit maybe two before I dived to the side to avoid a bite. As I landed I pulled up my handgun and fired at the wolves and hit...the air. Damn it, I still needed to practice. As a wolf pounced I rolled onto my stomach and reached for my shotgun. As the wolf bared its teeth I held the shotgun up and squeezed the trigger.
It clicked. I was out of shells. My eyes widened, “I'm going to fuck you up for this.” I told the ice wolves. My throat was then torn out. I respawned and fired my shotgun right into the face of the wolf with my throat in its mouth, it shattered like glass and fell to the ground, still. “Yeah! Come get some!” I cheered. Then I noticed I was completely surrounded, “Oh, fuck you.” I grumbled as they swarmed me.
As I respawned I put some distance between us and fired at them, shattering one and knocking another back. “What you going to do now , you bitches?!” I grinned. My smile disappeared as one of them raised their tail before flicking it at me, shards of ice coming loose and flying at me. Before I could react the shards sunk deep into my head. I respawned, “Yeah, I call fucking hacks, douchebags.”
I quickly fired off all the shells in my shotgun, hitting...three and killing two. I needed to practice shooting more. As I switched to my handgun I kept an eye on the last five wolves. The lead wolf suddenly let out a bark and the remaining wolves dropped into the snow, disappearing. I blinked, “Did...did they give up?” The moment I said that the floor below me dropped away and with a scream I fell until I was up to my head in snow. That's when I felt fangs tearing into my stomach. I started screaming and thrashing about as I felt something inside me being torn out and the snow around me slowly turning red. I felt their fangs hit deeper inside my body and everything started going black.
I respawned with a gasp and immediately starting shooting my handgun into the ground. I heard several yelps before a wolf burst from the snow and dug its fangs into my throat. I respawned again and kicked the wolf in the face, “Fuck you!” I spat before shooting it in the face and taking great pleasure in see it shatter.
The remaining wolves popped back up and the lead wolf, the alpha, I presumed, let out a howl and the other wolves shattered, the alpha stared me in the eyes before letting loose a long howl. As the remains of the ice wolves started combining into the alpha wolf I decided to do the smart thing and ran.
I looked back and saw that they had combined into a giant ice wolf, at least forty feet tall. I let out a scream and doubled my pace, not that it was easy in the snow. There was a thunderous roar and I glanced back. It was charging towards me at a terrifying speed. I may, or may not have screamed like a bitch. The city was close now, but unfortunately the wolf reached me before long before I reached the city. As a paw came down towards me I quickly dived out of the way as the paw crashed down, the force sending me flying.
I scrambled to my feet and sprinted off, not eager to be turned into a pancake. With a yelp I dodged giant fangs trying to tear me apart, and pumped every last drop of energy into my legs. “Fuck you, you frozen bitch!” I kept my eyes on the city, it was closer now, I was able to see the crystal spires and buildings now. I risked a glance back and yelled as huge chunks of ice, larger than my body, were launched at me. I dodged the first and span around and ducked to dodge the rest. I whimpered as I saw another twenty shards get launched my way. I screamed as a shard sliced through my waist and bisecting me. As I lay on the ground and looked up at the wolf and snarled as my organs started falling out. I was going to enjoy watching that thing die. The last thing I saw was a paw crashing down towards me.
I respawned and set off running, shooting my handgun and, by some miracle, hitting it in the eye. As it yelped and flinched away from me I took the opportunity and ran as fast as I could. I closed in on the city and saw red walls surrounding the city.
As I got close to the walls of the city a massive chunk of red rock shot out of the wall and crashed into the giant ice wolf before wrapping around it and slamming it into the ground as several more chunks shot out into the wolf. As they squeezed it I realised they weren't big chunks of rocks but streams of smaller crystals. The wolf let out a baleful roar before blue light exploded out of its eyes and its body fell apart.
I looked to the top of the crystal wall and saw a dark unicorn stood there, his horn a vibrant red, as his cape waved in the wind. He stared at me for a long moment before turning and walking off. I stood there for a few seconds longer thinking things over when a portion of the wall dropped away, leaving an entrance to the city.
“This is totally a trap.” I muttered, “It probably says a lot that I'm walking straight in.”
As I passed through the wall it quickly sealed back up with a loud bang and a crystal sphere surrounded me and several crystal tendrils shot out and pointed themselves all along my body whilst sharpening themselves into points.
“Yep. Trap.” I squeaked.
“Well, well, just what has wandered in from the snow into my domain?” The crystal sphere parted and the unicorn I’d seen before stepped through with a smirk on his mouth.
I got my first real look at him, the first thing that I noticed was his eyes, bright red and drilling into me, making me just want to look away. I forced myself to continue looking him over. His horn was indeed red, I could see two fangs in his mouth, and he wore some sort of silver armour and a crown.
“So, are you this king I've heard of?” I asked, pulling down my hood. I’m an idiot.
“Don't mock me, child!” He snapped, his smirk not leaving his face.
I sighed, “I'm asking you a simple question, I'm not from around these parts so I felt it best to not presume.”
His glare lifted, “Then yes, I am indeed King Sombra. And what, may I ask, is your name?”
I blinked, “Huh. You know when I was told of you I was expecting someone a little more...savage. Oh well. My name is Leon Alexander Walters Frost.” I decided to give him my full name, the first time I’d done so in this world. Yes, my parents gave me an annoyingly long name, that’s why I shorten it. Alexander Walters was from my great-great grandad, apparently he was a good man.
He chuckled, “As a king, etiquette is important, even when dealing with those beneath you. Of which you most assuredly are.”
“Yeah, well, I'm nowhere near being royalty or nobility, so of course I'm lower than a king. Speaking of which, isn't it usually an emperor in charge of a, you know, empire? ”
He raised an eyebrow, “And fully accept the cliche?”
“Fair point.” I looked at the nearest crystal tendril and cleared my throat, “Could you...lower the crystals? I’m not stupid enough to attack you.”
He looked me over, his gaze lingering on my weapons, before he turned and the crystal tendrils and sphere fell to the ground. “Come with me, creature, I want to show you my Empire and learn of what it is Celestia has sent against me.”
I blinked for a moment before realising this wasn’t an option and followed. “How’d you know Celestia sent me?” I asked as I looked around. The place was beautiful, shining crystal spires as high as the sky, the houses and even the road were crystals and shone brightly. The only thing that distracted me from the beauty was the ponies in chains, both chained together and individually chained up.
He glanced at me, “Why else would you be here? Transport from Equestria halted two weeks ago, and you are not dressed warm enough to have trekked here.”
“Okay. Got to give you points for observation there.” I nodded.
“Indeed, I am no fool. I know that she sent you here to get rid of me.”
I smirked, “Well, being an idiot she told me to defeat you. Defeat. Not take prisoner, not knock unconscious, defeat. So, I'm just going to assume she meant at chess . And since I'm getting paid by the hour...Want to talk for awhile?” Hey, it was stupid to immediately get into a fight with someone without knowing their side of the story.
He gestured around at the crystalline city, the ponies cowered as his hooves passed over them, “You don’t care that they are scared?”
I waved him off, “You aren’t killing them, torturing them or harming them. If just walking the streets scares them then they need to toughen up.” I did want to help them, but...honestly, other than taking over and making them work, what was wrong here? It’s not like they were starving. Yes, yes, it wasn’t right, but it wasn’t that bad honestly, it could have been a lot worse. And what exactly could I do? What happens when I leave and the power vacuum kicks in? For all I knew someone even worse would take over. It wasn't like I even knew everything about the place.
“And the Slaves mean nothing to you?”
I frowned, “You have slaves? That isn’t right.” Working citizens was one thing, slavery was another.
“No, Slave is a rank. They wear the shackles and chains, but at the end of the day they take them off and go home.” He explained, “If one works hard enough they may progress to a higher rank, but a lot of them are content with the pay of Slave work.”
“What?”
“It’s a front. People see what they think is true and I get a reputation.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
He smirked, “Tell me, who would believe you?”
“Point.” I raised an eyebrow, “Um...Why not just let them know the truth? If it’s true, then...I don’t see why you can’t rule.”
“I have my reasons, creature.”
“Leon.” I corrected.
“You haven’t earned a name yet, despite how interesting you are. No running, nor screaming. No attacking me when I’ve had my back turned, despite being hired by Celestia to deal with me. Why are you here? Clearly not for Celestia.”
I smirked, “Am I that easy to see through? I’ve heard of this city, wanted to visit and decided to use Celestia for it.”
Any courtesy he’d been showing instantly vanished and the crystal tendrils were back in my face, “Don’t lie to me.” He snarled.
I gulped, “I...Okay, alright. I wanted to find out what you’re planning. I want to know if it threatens those I care about.”
The tendrils grew closer, “Why did you lie to me, creature? Answer now!”
I sighed, “My parents drilled into me to not let anyone know my true intentions. As much as I try to disregard their advice some things occasionally slip through.” I bowed as low as the tendrils let me, “I apologize for my deception.”
There was a tense silence for several seconds. The tendrils fell apart, “Apology accepted. Don’t do it again.” As we walked there was silence, except for the whimpering of the ponies around us as we passed.
We finally entered the castle, the long hallways and valuable vases and art on display reminding me a bit too much of some companies I’d seen back home, put there by rich tossers who simply wanted to rub their wealth in the faces of the less fortunate. I hid the glare I felt and focused on the servants. They didn’t wear the chains of those outside, but simple uniforms of maids and butlers. I hummed in thought as we passed them. They seemed...happy.
Sombra stopped and called a mare over, her coat a dull blue. “Yes, my king?” She bowed.
“Feather Dust, this creature has a question for you, I’d like you to answer honestly, if you can take the time out of your day.” Sombra asked her politely.
She bowed again, “Of course, my lord.” She raised and looked at me, “What is your question?”
“How...do you feel being under the rule of King Sombra?” I asked carefully.
“I...don't mind it. I couldn’t remember what it was like before, but now...I could happily live like this. The hours are long, the pay is good and I’ve always got something to keep me busy. I’m not mistreated or abused...Honestly, I like it.” She smiled at me, “The king is parades us around as less than nothing at times, but we get paid extra and...well, it’s a job at the end of the day, we’re more than able to quit and leave if we wanted. In short: We’re happy and each day is filled with honest, hard work.”
“Huh. Now that...is interesting.” I mused. I gave her a nod, “Thank you for your time.”
She grinned at me, “It’s no problem!”
As she got back to work Sombra’s smirk grew wider. He never even dropped the smirk, not for a second, not the entire time I’d been here. “Join me by my throne.” He said as he pushed open a pair of doors, leading to a throne room, the throne itself made of black crystals. He made his way to the throne and sat. “Talk.” It was less of a request and more of a demand.
“Alright. What do you want to know?” I asked.
“How did you come to be on that train?”
I took a deep breath and told him of how I suddenly appeared in this world, omitting my respawning capabilities and numerous...body losses, how I had bargained my shelter with knowledge of my home, how Celestia all but forced me to Canterlot and how I had to listen to her orders. “She spoke as if a deal had already been made.” I growled, “She is arrogant, she uses others as pawns in her game of chess, I saw it in her eyes. So, I decided that even if I was being paid to do a job I was going to fuck it up either way. I honestly don’t know what she expected me to do to you. Knock you out, throw you out of the city, drag you back to Equestria, I don’t know what was going through her head.” I sighed.
“Go on.” Sombra said, his smirk threatening to turn to a full grin. “You have more to say, I can tell, what else have you to say about Celestia? Do not be afraid to use profanity, I’m sure I’ve heard worse.”
My eyes lit up and a grin spread across my face, “What else is there to say about the fat glutton? No, I’m holding onto my thoughts until she decides to push me the wrong way, after all, words hold one hell of a kick. Although I will say that the damn serene smile she constantly has pisses me off. ”
Sombra barked out a laugh, “That’s one thing we agree on!”
“Now I’ve answered your questions, you answer mine. Why the deception? Why the trickery?” This was the deal breaker, I had to know what he was doing.
“No. You don’t get to make demands. Not after everything that’s happened to this city.”
I sighed and decided to pull out the big gun. I steeled and spoke, “Sombra. Let me tell you something that I really want to deny with all my heart and being. I have died. ” He froze at the revelation. “I have died again and again and again. Every time I have died I appeared next to my corpse, I respawned for lack of a better term. I know death intimately at this point. My luck has turned so abysmal that walking down a flight of stairs can kill me. I don’t even know how many times I’ve died. You want to know why I even risked coming here? I knew full well I’d die over and over here, but I promised myself I’d see this through to the end. Sombra, let my know why. Please.”
There was silence for several minutes. I stared him down, no longer caring if I died again, this was something I had to know, I’d come too far to just give up and head home now.
He eventually sighed, “Very well, Leon. Very well.” His eyes locked onto mine, “I stole this empire.” He said softly, “It used to belong to a corrupt leader of what was once Equestria. If I was to let the charade fall then those princesses would steal it away from me, despite what my subjects would want. So I shall fight every attempt to take my city that Celestia throws at me.” His gaze darkened, “I shall not let them go back to the torture and pain they went through in the past. It was why I placed the curse on them. So no being could undo all that I had done until I returned.” He held his head high, “Yes, I delved into Dark Magic to protect my subjects, do I regret that? No! I have upheld my name and honour! Regardless of what the rest of the world thinks of me I shall continue to lead my people to a golden age of prosperity and peace! Even if I must also conquer Equestria to do so.”
I was silent. It was a lot to take in. But...I understood, even if I didn’t have all the details right now. “I see.”
“I have answered your question, human.” He stood from his throne, “Now walk with me. Let me show you what I must do, the mask I must wear, to ensure the security of my people.”
I followed him in silence as we left the throne room and walked the halls. As we passed through hall after hall there was a question that kept popping into my mind. “Sombra? What...were those ice wolf things?”
He chuckled, “Ah, the Glacial Wolves? They are one of the main reasons I’m so protective of this city. They constantly try and enter, but I shall destroy them all if it comes to it. Think of them as more versatile versions of Equestria’s Timberwolves.” He stiffed, “Now be quiet, we are close to the dungeons. I must keep my true intentions from my two prisoners. It will be a quick visit, just so you can get a taste of what I must do.”
I shrugged and kept my mouth shut followed Sombra through a large pair of heavy doors. As the doors slammed shut behind us I looked around. Unlike the rest of the palace the crystals that made up the place were dark and foreboding, with metal bars making several cells. As Sombra walked to to a cell I kept my distance.
He approached a cell with a white unicorn in it. Wonder why he was there? “Oh, poor, little, pathetic, Shining Armor, why so sad?” Sombra mocked.
The unicorn scowled at him, “You know perfectly well why! I'm going to enjoy watching you get what's coming to you. Cadance and I rule this empire! Not you and your corrupt heart!”
Sombra laughed, mockingly, “Your wife no longer remembers your face, her only thought is warming my bed.”
“YOU LIE!” Shining roared, lunging at the bars.
Sombra shot a spell at the cell and grinned cruelly as Shining screamed as electricity ran through the bars and his body. “Now, now, child , whomever said she was willing? ” He turned with a flourish of his cape, “Now you be a good peon and be silent.”
Shining scowled at him as I silently followed Sombra out of the room and into another set of cells. “How are your accommodations, weak, little princess?” Sombra mocked the pink alicorn in her cell. That must be that Cadance that Twilight told me about.
“Let me out and I'll show you just how weak I am!” She snarled. “We defeated you before, we'll do it again!”
“By that you mean that you and your useless husband shunted the issue off onto some other group? Yes, very heroic.” Sombra raised an eyebrow, “Tell me again why I'm meant to be scared of you?”
She gritted her teeth, “When we get free of here you will be sorry!”
Sombra chuckled, “Your husband is having his holes filled by my minions. He seems to be enjoying being used like a common harlot. ”
Her eyes bulged, “How...how dare you?!”
“Quite easily.” He flourished his cape again. He turned and made his way to another door, I quickly followed behind, not...entirely sure how they didn't really notice me. But judging by the way Cadance was glaring at me as I left, they were probably just more focused on Sombra.
As soon as we were far enough away from the cells I asked, “Why put on the show? Why pretend?”
Sombra’s smug smirk returned full force, “Why? If they escape, all they will tell is of my cruelty. They know not what I am truly like.”
I nodded, “Makes sense. Was there any truth to any of that?”
“No. I may be darkened by the magic I wield, but I have my standards.”
I raised an eyebrow, “A dickhead with standards.” I chuckled, “You are my favourite kind of person, excluding the whole taking over the city thing, though you seem to have had the right reasons.” And what was that about the magic darkening him?
“Now you have seen what I have to do, what are your plans?”
I hummed for a few moments. I didn’t usually trust figures of authority, but...he was different. He clawed his way to the top to help his people. His eyes spoke the truth, I could trust him. “Sombra,” I held out my hand, “Take my hand and I’ll make it so Celestia is no longer a threat. Make a deal with me and I shall grant you your city with no threat of Equestria trying to take it back. Work with me and I shall promise you that your dream of a golden age shall become a reality.”
His ever present smirk faded and he stared at me, “You can promise that?”
“You should know that nothing in this world is a promise except pain and death. But I will try my hardest to guarantee my words will be true.” I gave a wicked grin, “Will you shake a sinner’s hand?”
He blinked before extending his hoof, “If you can do what you say, then you will be forever welcome in my city.” He shook my hand.
I grinned, “Excellent. I have some plans. I have the next two days to develop them more. Until then...how are you at chess?”
I looked around outside Canterlot Castle, it had taken all my remaining time at the Crystal Empire, but I had a plan and finally beat Sombra at chess, though I had a feeling he’d let me win. I spotted a group of Royal Guards by the same chariot I'd arrived in, they were all different than the ones that brought me up, for one they all had bat wings instead of feathers.
“Afternoon, fellers.” I greeted.
“Ah, Sir Leon, I presume?” One of the Guards asked politely.
“Yep. Er, hope this isn't rude, but…” I trailed off.
“The wings?” He asked.
I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly, “Yeah.”
“It's fine, we get it a lot. We're just another type of pony, nothing that different. We're Princess Luna’s guards, she let us know that Celestia’s guards aren't to be...trusted around you. We'll be taking you back to Ponyville after your meeting with the princesses.” He gave me a smile.
“I'll see you later then.” I said with a grin and made my way into the castle. I was quickly intercepted some Celestia's guards and practically pushed me along, although a few of the guards did start to protest when one of them shoved me.
As I was pushed through the doors of the throne room I stumbled and turned, flipping off one of the guards, “And tell your mother I'll see her in bed next weekend!”
I turned back to the throne as the doors slammed shut. “Greetings, Leon.” Celestia said with...What an I going to have to do to knock that serene smile off her face? “I take it Sombra has been dealt with?”
I smirked, “Indeed.”
She frowned, “I don't suppose you have a letter from Cadance with you? I want to know how she's doing getting rid of Sombra’s taint on the city.”
“Oh, Sombra’s still in charge.” I smirked.
Both princesses blinked before Celestia started scowling at me. “What do you mean?” Luna asked. “You defeated him, correct?”
“Yeah I defeated him at chess .”
“You were supposed to kill him! ” Celestia roared. “Now more of my ponies will be traumatised by him because of your negligence!”
Kill him?! She wanted me to…? “Shut your fucking face, you bitch! ” I yelled. “I don't know what the fuck you were expecting, but I'm not a killer! I'm sure as hell not an assassin! You asked me to defeat him, not to murder someone!”
Luna stared at me, wide eyed before turning to Celestia, “Sister, you did find out if he was willing to kill, didn't you?”
“Of course he is!” Celestia snapped. “He's killed Timberwolves and a Manticore before, this is no different!” She glared at me, “He is just greedy and selfish!”
I laughed bitterly, “Don't act like you know me. I killed animals not people! I defended myself, I didn't seek them out! If you can't see the difference between those two things then you sure as hell shouldn't be running a country!”
Her eyes narrowed, “So that’s your plan.” What? “You want power and all the bits you can line your pockets with. Admit it!”
I blinked. She thought that…? I burst out in hysterical laughter, “Power?! Money?! I don’t care about any of that shit!” I gave a shit eating grin, “Although, seeing as you did fail to set specifics for my job, I still get paid, as I did defeat Sombra. At chess, yes, but I still defeated him, and I believe that was what you told me. To defeat Sombra.”
“That...is what you said, sister.” Luna added.
“Good, so we’re in agreement. Now I set off at eleven o’clock four days ago. It’s currently...what? Half twelve?”
“More or less.” Luna nodded as Celestia glared at me.
“Right. So fifteen thousand by four days and one hour. That’s...ninety seven hours...which...makes it…” I did some quick calculations in my head. I had always been good at maths. “One million, four hundred and fifty five thousand bits to be paid to me.” Celestia’s eyes boggled at the number, ah, someone’s not good at maths! “Do me a favour and donate fifteen thousand to the local orphanage. That should leave me with one million, four hundred and forty thousand bits. Could you have it all delivered to Twilight’s before the end of the week? Thank you.” I smirked at Celestia’s still stunned expression. “With that, I bid you a good day.”
I left the throne room with a grin and headed for my ride home. As I approached the chariot I was stopped as Celestia teleported in front of me. “You worthless...greedy…” She growled.
I raised an eyebrow, “We went over this already, I don’t really care for the money, but it will be useful.” I smirked, “Excuse me, I have a flight to catch.” As I entered the chariot I chuckled, “Maybe next time you’ll have learned some maths.” I mocked from the window.
She glared at me from the window, “I know you’re planning something with Sombra! You plan to conquer Equestria!”
I grinned, “Prove it.” I knew she had nothing . I had no idea where the conquering Equestria thing came from, it just spoke of her paranoia against me.
She took a deep breath and stepped away, “Fine, but you’ll never work for me again! You degenerate, ape bastard!”
I didn’t say another word and waited until the chariot took flight. As we soared through the air I scowled at the wall, “Wrong move, Celestia. Turns out I’m going to have to show you just how powerful words can be.” I gave a mean-hearted laugh.
As I landed back in Ponyville I gave the Royal Guards a wave, “Thanks for the pleasant lift, boys!” They had been much nicer than my first lift, and even given me some information about what had been happening in Ponyville while I’d been gone. One piece of that information had me very curious.
I took a deep breath, it was good to be back. I took a step towards the library before pausing. This was probably the best time to start on my...retaliation against Celestia. I closed my eyes and thought. Right now the best place to go...would be the town hall. I turned on my heel and headed off.
As I passed the ponies I knew I gave a wave. It didn't take long before I was stood inside the town hall. “Greetings, Quills.” I greeted the mayor’s secretary.
She looked up from her desk and smiled at me, “Leon! It’s been a while. How’ve you been?” She asked while going through notes.
“Busy. Is the mayor in?” Time to get down to business.
She gave me a soft smile, “Yes, go right in, she’s been bored all day, I’m sure she’ll welcome the distraction.”
“Thank you, Quillsy.” I winked and slid her a few bits, “Get yourself something nice from me, okay?” Her mouth opened and closed as her cheeks slowly turning red, it gave her electric blue coat a nice shine. I passed by and opened the door to the mayor’s office, “See you around, Quills.” She was a nice girl, had a bit of a crush on me, but I didn’t really want to think about otherworldly relationships yet.
“Leon.” I caught Mayor Mare smirking, “Are you teasing Quick Quill again?”
I shrugged, “Just a little bit, she’s kind of cute when she blushes.”
She sighed, “Still not taking her on a date?”
“Not sure I’m attracted to your species yet.” I shrugged.
“At least you’ll admit she’s cute these days. Anyway, how can I help you? Something that will get me away from my paperwork?” Her eyes lit up with hope.
“I just have a question. Sorry, but it shouldn't take long. What would the most popular newspaper in Equestria be?” I asked.
She blinked “That would be The Celestial Daily. Why?”
“Oh,” I smirked, “I simply want to get a message out that everyone will hear.”
She cocked her head, “Well...I’m sure it’ll be interesting to say the least.”
“See you around, Mayor.” I said heading out.
“Goodbye, Leon.” She sighed, looking back down at her work.
As I looked back towards Quill’s desk and saw a ‘Out to lunch’ sign there. “Maybe I should stop flustering her so much.” I muttered as I left the building. “Well, it’s not like she’s asked me to stop.”
I wandered to market until I spotted a familiar lavender coat. Twilight was looking even more nervous than usual. With that in mind I snuck up behind her. It was odd, seeing her with wings. “Princess Twilight.” I said with a devious smirk.
I saw her wince as she turned around, “Please don’t call me that, I’m not…” Her eyes lit up as she saw me. “Leon!” She quickly pulled me into a hug.
“Not Leon? I should hope not, otherwise I’d be having words.” I teased.
“I’m so glad you’re back!” She grinned, “But...I’m afraid that with...these ,” She awkwardly flapped her wings, “That I won’t be able to talk to you about your people any more.”
“That won’t be a problem, Twilight. Simply get used to your new body before trying to take on any Royal duties. Just a word of advice.” I chuckled.
“Right. Of course.” She giggled sheepishly, letting me know she’d already been thinking the opposite.
I grabbed her front hooves and pulled her into a spin with me. “Leon? You...you haven’t stopped smiling.” She sounded worried.
I leaned in close and whispered, “Because I’ve got a plan. A plan to help many people out, it may even save lives if all goes as I expect it to. But it requires the approval of the princesses. And now with you a princess...it just became easier and easier.”
“What are you talking about?” She frowned slightly.
I let her go, “Will you trust me? I won’t deny that at first it’ll sound shady, but just have faith and eventually you’ll understand what I’m doing.”
She stared at me for a minute before smiling, “Of course I trust you.”
I let out a sigh of relief, “Thank god. Have you had your coronation yet?”
“No, it’s in a week.”
“Good.” Plans were rolling into action. I actually had a chance of pulling this off. But why the hell risk all this? Risk borderline treason if it all went wrong and Celestia decided to twist things?
Because if Celestia’s plans all failed there would be war. And I was not letting Spike go through something like that.
Author's Note
Kill count.
And just so no one gets the wrong idea, the "Will you shake a sinner's hand" line is not a reference to anything.
The Celestial Times
Open Letter To Princess Celestia
‘An open letter to fat, arrogant, practically useless glutton, national embarrassment that is, without a doubt, Princess Celestia!
You are completely irrational, claiming I’m working with King Sombra to overthrow Equestria, where exactly is your evidence? The fact that when you sent me to kill him I decided not to? The fact that I’m not a cold hearted killer? And when questioned about why you thought I was a killer you claimed that I’d killed Timberwolves and a Manticore in self-defense. What about that leads you to think I was a killer for hire? And now because you wanted me to ‘Defeat Sombra’, which I did in a chess match, you blame me for your lack of forethought to chose your words wisely! I didn’t kill Sombra, I’m more than a simple blade for hire, yes, I took your money for the job you stated, and you blame me for that! You failed to anticipate the amount of money you’d owe me, money you wanted to deny me in the first place, and you try to take it out on me! Tell me, who exactly would risk life and limb for a public thanks?! You spoke to me as if we had already come to an agreement! Your guards forced me to Canterlot at spearpoint, threw me around and pushed me into the dirt and I still came into that room with plans to meet you the competent leader I thought you were.
I have never been more wrong! You all but demand I comply, then when I had the nerve to demand payment you threaten me! Now I was willing to let bygones be bygones, even after you accused me of being obsessed with money and power, but then you had the gall to insult me for not killing someone and calling me a ‘Degenerate, ape bastard’. Now I don’t discuss parentage with those with obvious daddy issues but my parents had been married for years before I was born. And you dare call me a bastard? Bitch, who the fuck were your parents?! As far as I have found you have always avoided the question, now why would that be? But I don’t presume, I’m sure you have a good reason for it. Just as you must have had a good reason for sending off six young mares with zero combat training to go up against the largest threats in the land! Nightmare Moon, Sombra, Changelings, Discord, sleeping dragons and more! Yes, they wield the Elements of Harmony, but did you ever consider attaching guards to them? No! You would rather have them nice and complacent, right?
You complain about being tired and working hard? Ha! I know what you do on a daily basis! I have a credible source that says you have previously said that raising the sun takes no effort! So, what exactly is it that’s difficult? Day Court? Listening to ponies complain and talk, all while sitting down? Or perhaps it’s dealing with ambassadors from other countries? Forgive me, but last I checked you had many servants in your castle. You are waited on hand and foot , you constantly abandon several small duties to spend time with your lover! What exactly about that is hard work?! Putting on that fake smile and pretending to care about the pawns in your great game of chess?! That’s how you see people, try and deny it all you want! At least I do my job. Such a rough life you lead. Better go run crying to your sister and tell her all the lies you’ve been telling everyone else all these years. Tell me, when you are running around, thinking of yourself, which alicorn is it that actually works? Compared to your sister what is it you do? If you fail to stop thinking of people as pawns to use and sacrifice then you are going to die of irrelevance!
Sure, you can call me a monster or an ape, call me whatever you please, it doesn’t bother me. But whatever you say to me just inspires my malevolence against you. I am not afraid to write against you! You wanted to know what I could do against you? I can write. And words have more power than you’ll ever know. Tell me, what exactly have you done in the past thousand years? What advances have you made? Or are you just a waste of everyone’s time?
Maybe you should check in once in a while on the spies you have following me around, you might actually find out what I do. Maybe they will confirm that I don’t care if you don’t hire me again. I don’t give a shit about money! I told you this. I don’t care if you never hire me again, with this letter the whole country will know what you’re really like!
You fat, motherfucking bitch!
Revealing the truth for the right of the people,
Leon Alexander Walters Frost.’
Author's Note
Yeah. This is set the day after Leon gets back to Ponyville. It will be addressed in the next chapter, but seeing as there won't be a part that goes over exactly what is said, I thought it best to throw in this little extra.
Enjoy!
“LEON, WHAT THE HAY IS THIS?!” Twilight screamed, throwing a copy of today’s The Celestial Times onto the table.
I smirked at the front page, ‘An Open Letter To Princess Celestia’ huh? “There a problem, Twilight? It’s not like I lied now.”
“Leon. It’s not cool.” Spike said, frowning.
I sighed, “Allow me to explain my actions.” I gestured at them and waited for them to be seated before continuing, “You see, when I first met Celestia, yes, the guards were physical and rude with me, but then when I saw her she started assuming that I had already agreed to her plan. She wanted me to kill someone , Twilight! I’m not a killer, was I excessively rude to her? Yes, I was frustrated and the way she looked at me and smiled annoyed me. Then when I took her words to their exact meaning, not killing Sombra but defeating him in chess, she started blaming me for trauma that ponies had suffered and then she called me greedy and power hungry.”
“That’s the reason you...wait, Celestia sent you to kill Sombra?” Twilight gasped, “No! She’d never do that!”
I pinched my nose, “Twilight, I don’t blame her for wanting to sent someone to kill Sombra. She is in charge of a country, it’s her duty to protect it from threats. No, my issue is with her already assuming I would just go kill someone. I’m not killer. And for what she wanted to give me, why would I work just for some public thanks? I’m...well, I was poor. Twilight, there is nothing wrong for wanting payment for doing a job, is there?” I lowered my head, “I...will admit that publishing that letter was perhaps a bit rash, but I will not have her insult my parents! I am not a degenerate, and I’m sure as hell not a bastard! Yes, the letter may have been a bad idea, but right now she understands where we stand, and I will never print a retraction.”
Twilight groaned and dropped her head onto the table, “Leon...don’t you think that this will just lead to more problems? How the heck did you get The Celestial Times to even publish that letter?”
“Everyone sells at the right price, in my case it simply was enough to loosen their standards. Ten thousand bits did the job. Along with a promise that my letter would get them more readers, in the end that’s all it took. I guess it helped that newspaper companies don’t have good morals to begin with.”
“Ten thousand bits?!” Her jaw dropped, “Where did you get that money?!”
I smirked, “Like I said, I didn’t work for free. ”
“So you spent all your money on that one letter?” Spike asked.
I chuckled, “Let’s just say, when the money gets here I can keep us going with comics for a long time.”
He just stared, “Leon. How much exactly? ”
I grinned, “One million, four hundred and fifty five thousand.” Both their jaws dropped. “I already asked Luna to give fifteen thousand to an orphanage in Canterlot and when it gets here I plan on donating some of it around town.”
“Are...are you planning on buying popularity?!” Twilight stared at me.
“What? No! I meant to the school and to one or two other places.” That raised a point though. Was I becoming too much like my parents? “Which raises another point, I...may have lied about my family life.”
She blinked, “What are you talking about?”
I smiled sheepishly, “Me and my parents...have a slightly strained relationship. The life I told you was of a friend’s.”
“Wait...so you’re not struggling with money?”
I flinched before deflecting the question, “Not anymore.” I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else and stood up, “Just...think over what I’ve said, actually read what I wrote. Read it carefully, read it smart. I’ll be around town.” With that I made my way outside.
All the noise stopped as I left the library. I looked around and saw everyone staring at me. I nodded, “Morning, everyone.” That seemed to break them out of it and they went off on their daily lives. I sighed in relief, that could have gone badly. I made my way to Sugarcube Corner to get some breakfast, keeping an eye on the crowd as I did. By the end of the week everything would settle down.
I pushed open the door to Pinkie’s workplace and was pleasantly surprised to find no queue. “Hi, Leon.” Pinkie yawned. She looked terrible, her mane was hanging down and her eyes were all droopy.
“You alright, Pinkie?” I asked.
She tried for a smile, “Yeah, the morning’s just been hectic today, all sorts of ponies coming in and asking about Princess Celestia and my Pinkie Sense was going off all night.”
I winced, I never meant for this to affect anyone but Celestia, “Sorry, Pinkie, that’s my fault.”
She shook her head, “No, no. Nothing to worry about. I read the paper. Your writing is pretty.” She started slumping and quickly shook herself awake. “What...what can I get you?”
“Just a chocolate muffin, Pinks.” I was worried about her.
She bagged it up for me. “Five...five bits.” As I slid her the last of my money her body gave up and she fell to the floor and after a few seconds she started snoring.
I shook my head, “Get some sleep, Pinkie.” I walked passed her and opened the door to the kitchen. “Ah, Mrs Cake?” I said when I spotted the blue mare.
“Oh, Leon, deary!” She smiled, “What’s wrong?”
“Pinkie’s collapsed.” I said bluntly.
“What?!” She came rushing out of the kitchen and to Pinkie’s side. “What happened?!”
“I think she’s exhausted. She mentioned her senses kept her up all night.”
“Ooh, I told her to take it easy.” She turned to me, “Leon, can you help me carry her to bed?”
I blinked, “Uh, sure.” I walked over and hoisted her onto my back, carrying around my guns had definitely made me stronger, but I was still quite weak and I could barely walk with Pinkie on my back. “Lead the way.” I wheezed.
“This way, dear.” As I followed Mrs Cake every step felt like a mile, damn it, Pinkie, lose some weight. After struggling up the stairs, almost losing my balance more than once, I staggered into her room and dropped her onto her bed.
I panted heavily, “Why? Why is she so heavy?”
“Thank you, Leon.” Mrs Cake gave me a smile.
I shrugged, “Eh, no problem. Just...make sure she gets some rest.”
“You’ve got a good heart.” She said. “Just ignore what the others say.”
I sighed, “I’m guessing I’ve made some enemies with that letter, huh?”
She looked away, “There are some ponies who you’ve made angry. Some…”
I read between the lines, “Some want me gone.”
“Yes.”
I sighed, “Right. Well, I’ll be off.”
As I left Sugarcube Corner I kept an eye out and spotted more than a few glares in my direction. I guess it was too much to hope that I could badmouth Celestia and everything would go on as normal. Then again, they were just glaring, it’s not like they were attacking me. Hopefully. Either way I had to clear my head. I entered the Everfree, maybe I’d go visit Zecora, perhaps she’d need some help or have some tea.
I wasn’t deep in when I came across something...odd in a clearing. I stopped and stared at the...I didn’t even know what to call it. The small, purple, swirling explosion just...hovered there, at chest height, almost...almost like it was waiting for something. For someone.
I cautiously approached the thing, half expecting it to detonate. When it didn’t I just stood there, thinking about what I should do. I could go get some help, but I didn’t know if I could even find it again. Without realising it my hand started reaching for it. I blinked, what was the worst that could happen? As I made contact it flared up brightly and as I backed away from the light it exploded soundlessly. When the light died down there was someone stood there. A human .
He wore something that wouldn’t be out of place in Victorian era London. A brown waistcoat, white shirt and red tie underneath a long black trench coat. Black and white striped trousers and black business shoes. To top it all off he wore a black bowler hat and carried a black cane with a large ruby at the tip.
He looked like a well dressed gentleman. But...the grin on his face and look in his eyes told a different story. I didn’t want to get to close to him. As his eyes landed on me his grin changed to a scowl. “Oh, great. A human, I thought I'd left you guys behind a few dozen centuries ago.” What? What hell did that mean? “Oh well, let's fix that!” He reached into his coat, dropped the cane and pulled out a large hunting knife.
“What the fuck?!” I squeaked.
“C’mere, you little shit.” He made his way towards me. As I backed up, somewhere in the back of my mind I recognised his accent. It was rough and filled with anger...but it was English. He was a fellow countryman.
He lunged at me and I somehow managed to twist out of his path, through sheer luck. “Stop it, you idiot!” I yelled.
“Nah.” He smirked, quickly turned and swung his knife at my neck. I shrieked and ducked, feeling to blade take off a few hairs.
“Knock it off! I’m not your enemy here!” I shouted, not drawing my gun. I was not about to shoot someone! Not if I had a chance to talk him down.
“Don’t care! You’re a human ,” he spat the word with contempt, “that means you die!” He swung at me with his knife again. I jumped to the side and put a few feet between us.
“We’re both human!” I screamed.
His face turned into a snarl, “I am not one of you bastards!” With that he threw his knife and it sunk into my stomach. I fell to the ground as blood slowly started to pool around me. As I lay there, bleeding out he let out a bored sigh, “Now I’m bored. Boredy, bored, bored! ” He shrugged, “Eh. Maybe the ponies around here’ll be more interesting.”
Seeing no escape, and as I was in no way shape or form able to fight him like I was, I held up my handgun and closed my eyes before shooting myself in the head. As I respawned in the air I saw him over my corpse, ripping the knife out of my old body’s stomach. “You were a pussy, boy!” He laughed before I threw a kick at his head, missed, hit him in the kidneys and I fell to the ground in a heap. He grunted before turning around as I scrambled to my feet and backing away from him. He gave me a confused look, “Did I slaughter your twin or something?”
“Fuck you, arsehole!” I yelled, pulling out my handgun. “Don't move!”
He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, like that’ll stop me.”
I scoffed, “A bullet to the brain will kill you. I don’t care how badass you think you are.”
He gave me a smug grin, “Yeah, that’s what they all think.” He started singing, “You’re in for a big surpriiiiiise! ”
That grin unnerved me. “Back. Up.” I gestured with my gun.
“Nah, I’ma kill you now.” He lunging at me again.
I squawked in shock and fell to the ground and he kicked the gun out of my hand before sinking his knife into my right hand, pinning it to the ground. I let out a scream as he began kicking me in the ribs. After several kicks my scream turned into a roar and, not really thinking, ripped the knife out of my hand and sunk it into his leg. He grunted and ripped the knife out of his leg.
“Hey, you got me.” He grinned. Why wasn’t he screaming?! Why wasn’t he clutching his leg?! “Eh, that’s annoying.” He was just ignoring the blood pouring from his wound! Why wasn’t he doing anything?!
He kicked me in the jaw and I felt pain and felt a few teeth shatter. I started crawling away, I couldn’t fight this psycho! Why wasn’t he reacting to pain?! As he walked over to me, that same crazed grin on his face, I grabbed a handful of dirt and as he kicked me over I threw it all in his face. As he swore and brought a hand up to his eyes I rose and punched him in the dick before bringing my fist into his face. I then ran off to get some room between us. When I turned around he was right in front of me and grabbed me by the throat and slammed me onto the ground.
“That. Was rude, dipshit.” He laughed, cracking his head to the side.
I grabbed a rock and smashed it against his head, “Let go, let me go!” I screeched before he snapped my neck.
As I respawned above him I brought both my feet down onto his head before crashing onto the ground. As I caught my breath I felt a knife sink into my chest over and over. I spluttered and gasped for air before I felt a cold, metal feeling in my heart.
As I respawned felt a boot connect with my chest. As pain spread across my chest the bastard grabbed my neck. “You...what are you?” He asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. “You die. And you...what? Reincarnate? Instantly?”
“I...don’t...know.” I croaked out.
He shrugged, “Eh, who cares? It’ll just make this more fun, kiddo!” He plunged his fingers into my eyes and as I screamed he snapped my neck.
I respawned once again. I immediately leapt away from him and pulled out my handgun. “Back the hell up!” He started walking towards me. “I’m warning you!” I cried. I didn’t want to shoot him! I didn’t want to kill anyone! “I’ll shoot!”
He grinned widely, “Ha! You don’t have the balls!” I gulped. Why did the gun feel so heavy? I lined up the gun with his chest. He stopped. “Holy crap, you’re actually going to shoot, aren’t you, pussy?” He smirked, “Go ahead!” He spread his arms out in a dramatic bow, “Kill me, you'd be doing me a favour.” I hesitated. I...couldn’t just shoot him, could I? After another couple of seconds he scoffed, “Fucking pussy.” He started walking towards me.
I pointed the gun towards his legs and fired. A leg shot wasn’t lethal, right? His knee jerked out underneath him and dropped to the floor. “Holy shit…” I muttered. I actually hit what I was aiming for?
“Well, fucking, done!” He clapped. What? W...Why isn’t he in pain? He stood up. He shouldn’t be able to do that! I fired at his leg again and he dropped for a second before continuing towards me. I shot his leg again and again, but the same thing just happened, despite the blood that was pouring out of his legs he just continued towards me.
“WHY WON’T YOU STAY DOWN?!” I screamed, not wanting to kill him.
He laughed, “You don’t get it , do you?” He flipped his knife before suddenly plunging it into the side of his skull and out the other side, covered in blood and brain. I gasped in shock and horror. How...how could someone just take their own life like that? “I can’t die.” I looked up and saw he was still standing there, twisting the knife inside his head. That...that couldn’t be...that’s impossible! He pulled out the knife, “Man! That itch had been bugging me for ages! ” I dropped my gun. It was worthless. I...how was I supposed to fight him?! “Hey, what’s the matter?” He looked at me, “Ah! You’ve gotten it, haven’t you? You’re just giving up because you know you can’t kill me.” He sneered, “That’s what disgusts me about you humans, you talk about an indomitable human spirit, but at the first signs of a foe you can’t fight you give up!” I just stared, my fists tightening as I started to grow hot. “You humans are just pathetic! Just a bunch of cowards! Why don’t you-” Before he could say another word I slugged his across the face. “Ha! That’s more-” I broke his nose with a punch.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I roared, kicking him in the balls and breaking his leg. “JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!” I jumped backwards, scooping up my handgun and reloading with the spare magazine I had in my pocket.
He raised an eyebrow and snapped his legs back into place, “You know I’m not down, right?”
I took a step forwards, and started firing. I was about a foot away, there was no way I was missing my target. Bullet after bullet shot through his head until he had fifteen holes in his head. “Counting on it.” I spat.
He blinked. “Ow. That hurt. Not been shot for a long while, but that’s not going to kill me.”
I dropped and rooted about in the pockets of my old body and ejected the magazine from the spare handgun that the body had, glad that whenever I died whatever I had on me appeared on my new body too. I quickly reloaded, maybe took six, seven seconds, maybe the training must have finally been working, and took another step forwards and began shooting him in the left knee. After using up all my ammo I had I took the opportunity I had from him complaining about the state of his clothes to rush around to the rest of the bodies and loot all the magazines I could. I walked back up to him and started firing into his left knee again, occasionally dodging his punches. By the time I had one magazine left his knee was barely connected.
“Are you quite done?! ” He snapped.
“Almost!” I yelled. With a strong kick I snapped his leg off. “Ha!” I yelled, ignoring how macabre what I had just done was. “You’re finished.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Really?”
I nodded, “You may not die, but your wounds don’t heal quickly, do they? Without that leg you’re stuck there unless you want to crawl.”
He smiled, “Pretty observant of you. Yeah, I’m kind of glad I just stood here and let you do that. I get you now, you’re always thinking during a fight.” Wait...he let me? “But, unfortunately for you, I’ve got excellent balance.” With that he sped forwards, hopping at inhuman speeds and delivering a punch to my face.
I fell to the ground and clutched my face. “How?! You’re can’t be...be…” The things he said, leaving humanity behind, not being shot for ages...it all lead to...
“You got it, don’t you?” He laughed. “You know what I am!”
I gulped. “You...you’re immortal, aren’t you?”
“Got it in one, kid.” He smirked.
“Leon?” A voice called out.
My blood ran cold and I scrambled to my feet, and spotted Spike at the edge of the treeline. “Spike, get out of here!”
“No way, Leon, I’m not leaving! What’s going on?! Everyone’s freaking out at the gunshots!” He froze, “Is that blood?!” He spotted the psycho, “Who...who’s that?! ”
“Listen, I can’t stay dead, you do! I’ll be fine!” I shouted, pointing my gun at the...immortal.
“Dead? This guy’s a killer?!” He screamed.
I grimaced, “SPIKE! JUST GO! I’LL BE FINE!” I roared. I had to make sure he was okay!
“Leon…” That wasn’t Spike. I looked at the psycho. Was...he wiping a tear from his eyes? He looked me in the eyes, “That’s your name?” He asked, all hints of violence and bloodlust gone.
I frowned, “Yeah.”
He had a haunted look in his eyes and...were his hands shaking? He started laughing, “Oh, bloody hell. Is this some sign? Or something like that? The first human I find after all this time and you have to have that name.” He sighed, “Alright, kid. I’ll stop trying to kill you.”
“You’ll forgive me if I don’t believe a psycho like you.” I spat.
“I’m not a psycho. I think. Anyway, the name’s Gary.” He said, scooping up his cane.
“Yeah, you hate humanity for some reason, don’t you?” I scoffed.
“I'm not some emo, little shit who hates humans because it's cool. No, I have my reasons, and I'm only going to tell who I want to , and that doesn't include you, kiddo, so fuck off.”
“Uh huh. Sure.” I kept an eye on him, whilst making sure Spike was okay.
“Well, whatever. I’m interested in you, kid. You get a pass for being human by being mildly interesting.” He shrugged, “See you around.” With that the same purple explosion that brought him here engulfed him and disappeared.
I sighed and turned back to Spike. “Who was that guy?” He asked.
“I don’t have the slightest clue.” I sighed.
Author's Note
Hey, everyone. Now before anything, I just wanted to say that this doesn't make Leon a Displaced. That's not this type of story. Leon and Gary's universes and connected, that's the only reason Gary managed to pop over. There's not going to be over characters from other stories. Gary is the only one from another universe coming over. That said, there's going to be a lot more of Gary. Both in this story and in his own story (Currently under work).
Now, next chapter we'll be getting back to the arc.
Kill count.
