Anon and The Thing were upon Sugarcube Corner; just a few more steps and they would be at the sweet shop’s doorstep. As much as Anon would have loved to be surprised by Pinkie, with The Thing next to him, the experience was ruined beyond repair.

Though, that did make him wonder. Why in the world is she - is it a she? Well, whatever it is - why is it acting so nice towards me? Wasn’t The Thing some sort of alien without a care for life, other than it needed it to survive?

Before Anon could answer his own thought, he was caught off by the Thing saying, “Are you excited, Anon?”

“Yeah, sure…”

“I know I’m excited. Hey, think there'd be any tasty ponies I could assimilate after the party? I know they wouldn’t be expecting that after having such a good time, so that seems like the perfect time to strike, right?”

Anon gulped.

“Ah, whatever. Let’s just head inside.”

As The Thing opened up the door, using her mouth instead of some tentacle, fleshy thing, like she had been doing prior. Inside was too dark to see anything, making it all too obvious, even without prior confirmation from The Thing, that Pinkie had gotten together a welcome party for Anon.

As both Anon and the pony imitation made their way inside, the lights quickly turned on, at least thirty or so ponies standing together in front of them.

“SURPRISE!” They all shouted in unison, making Anon flinch from the sheer force of it.

Scanning the room to see who was there, Anon happened upon a banner above the ponies heads. “Welcome to Ponyville Mr. Horror, Oh The Horror” It said in bold letters. Anon then looked over towards Lily Valley, glaring into her very being, as he knew she had something to do with that ridiculous title. He sighed, just letting himself relax for a moment. That, however, didn’t last long as a familiar pony in pink promptly pounced on him with her enthusiastic personality.

“Welcome to Ponyville Mr.-” She took a deep breath, “Horror, Oh The Horror!” She then smiled intensely, before turning to his companion. Any joy he had from Pinkie talking to him was swiftly dashed away as he was expecting something truly horrible to happen.

She’s going to eat Pinkie, she’s going to merge with her, defile her, and destroy this one bastion of hope I had for a good day. Anon covered his eyes. I can’t watch!

“Oh, Amber Rose, there you are. I was wondering where you ran off to. I see you already met Mr. Horror, Oh The Horror!” She gasped “Oh my gosh, are you two already besties? This is so exciting. I should also throw a, ‘happy first pony bestie party’, as well.”

“Yeah, that sounds great, but his name is Anon, Pinkie.” She looked up towards Anon, taking note of his grimacing expression between the fingers covering his face. “I have a feeling he doesn’t like being called something so dramatic.” She laughed a little, making her way over to a table filled to the brim with sweets of every kind. She looked back, “Come on Anon, let’s get this party started!”

“You said it, girl!” Pinkie shouted back, grabbing hold of Anon and flinging him over towards The Thing’s, now going by Amber Rose, side.

Anon uncovered his face, though the cringe was still strong with his features, and not the ironically good kind. He tried to keep his eyes on Amber, hoping to every god above that she wouldn’t go monstrous alien mode and devour everypony in the room. So far, she seemed to be acting like any other pony, even eating a cupcake, and smiling up at Anon.

Anon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, averting his to eyes to other ponies around him. They all just stared at him in awe, boosting his ego just a bit. It felt good to be ogled at, at least that was what he thought was going on and chose to believe it. The alternative was just too sad.

“Hey, Anon! You gotta try these cupcakes, they’re amazing.” Amber munched down a few more of the sweets, throwing Anon for a loop.

How is she… Maybe she’s just storing it in there to spit out later.

Anon hesitantly reached over to grab one of the cupcakes, only for his hand to brush against a familiar cyan hoof. Looking up, he was greeted by a uncharacteristic sheepish grin from Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, hi there. Fancy meeting you again,” Rainbow spoke, before rubbing the back of her neck and laughing nervously. “Glad to see you alive, Horror, Oh The Horror.”

“It’s Anon, ignore the banner up there.” He then glared daggers into her, “Wait a minute, you fucking dropped me out of nowhere last time we met.”

Rainbow glared back, “Well, you’re the one who’d thought it’d be a good idea to sniff me while I was saving your ass.” She turned away, huffing in annoyance.

Tsundere as shit. Anon thought, a bit of a blush forming on his face as he remembered her scent. Worth it.

Suddenly, an eerie feeling spread throughout Anon. It was like the whole room went quiet, the only thing there being him… and whatever was behind him. Turning around slowly, he saw the blank expression of the Thing, though it was enough to let him know something was off with her.

She closed her eyes, and when they opened they were deformed, slitted like a cat’s. “So, Anon dear, mind if I have a word with you.” A few eyes appeared on her shoulders, her form slowly taking that of something unsightly.

Anon was speechless. To him, this was it, this is where he’d meet his end. He looked left, then right, noticing that he indeed was not alone. The feeling of isolation only caused by the monstrosity before him.

“And don’t even think about alerting everypony here about what I am. Unless you’d like to be a part of me.”

His hands were tied, and he had no other choice. Either risk everypony in the room getting assimilated, or just him. A sort of sense of heroism washed over him; if he were to go through with this, it would be his self-sacrifice for all the characters he’s grown to love.

His mind was made.

Anon nodded his head, making his way over to the Thing, who turned and made her way over to the otherside of the room. Looking back over his shoulder, he noticed how everypony was just having a good time like nothing of any significance was going on at all, no longer paying him any bit of attention. The ego boost he got early was taken from him, and the hole it left was filled with the same feeling of self-loathing he usual had.

When he turned back around, he was greeted with the Thing right up next to his face, her breath washing over him. “Oh, sugar honey iced tea!” He fell back on his ass, sweat pouring down his face as fear began to consume him whole.

“So, you wanna tell me why you were flirting with that hussy?” A tentacle began to wrap around Anon’s waist. “I saw the way you two were looking at each other. You like her, don’t you? Well, if you like her so much, I could always just assimilate her, so I can be her just for you.” It was dead silent around them for a moment. “Am I not good enough for you, Anon? I love you, but do you love me?”

Anon did not know what to do: on one hand, this creature just told him she loved him, on the other hand, holy shit this is fucking scary. “Umm?” Anon had to choose his words carefully, “You… love me?”

Amber Rose looked hurt, some tears dripping from her eyes.

Mission failed.

Amber then let out more of her feelings for Anon. “Of course I do, why else wouldn’t I assimilate you earlier today?

Wait, as much as this actually touches me, she’s a killing machine! She’s probably playing with you in order to get more prey. Then again… Anon turned to look at all the ponies in the room, spotting multiple different ponies he recognized from the show he admired and loved. Perhaps if I play along with this, she’ll leave all of them alone? Shit, what have I gotten myself into this time?

Anon took a deep breath, felt down to his crotch to see if his balls were still there, was disappointed, but would have to roll with it. He then took a few steps closer to the Thing, gulping down his fear in order to stay sane. “Look, not going to lie, I do have some feelings for you too, but I’m going to have to ask you to trust me here.” He lied, like a dirty little liar. “Could you please leave everypony else alone? I know I’m asking a lot, but if this thing between us is going to work out, and I want it to, then I’m going to have to trust that you won’t assimilate any other pony here.”

The Thing reverted back to Amber Rose’s form, hooves covering her gasp. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” She squealed like a little filly, making Anon cover his ears. “Oh my gosh, of course I’ll control my urge to assimilate others for you, Anon. All you had to do is ask.” She then did a little dance. “Yes, Anon likes me, too.”

Anon had no idea how he was holding himself together, but he had to keep his cool in order to protect the things he truly loved. He was actually quite proud of himself just then; he finally felt like a man for once in his life. With newfound confidence, he began to speak again. “Alright, let's get back to the part-AAAAAAAAH” He was suddenly grabbed by the Thing, and flung onto the dance floor that was in the middle of the room.

Anon rammed into a random pony as he reached the dance floor. The poor mare flying across the room, landing inside the punch bowl. Though, she didn’t seem to mind so much, in fact it went well with her fur color and mane.

Anon shook his head to get ahold of his bearings, taking note of Amber shaking her groove thing in front of him.

“Oh yeah, Amber. You know what’s going on!” Pinkie joined in on the dance, making everypony on the floor move out of the way out in awe. Amber’s and Pinkie’s dance power was off the charts, shaking and a moving and a groovin’ and a rockin’ everywhere.

Pinkie pulled a remote from her mane, pressing the one big red button in the center of it.

SCREEEEEEE!

An opening in the ceiling appeared, a disco ball slowly descending down from it. Anon couldn’t help but comment aloud. “Holy shit, where in the world was she hiding that? Ah, fuck it, it’s Pinkie.”

Amber grabbed ahold of Anon again, this time she brought him closer to the center of the room, moving him back and forth. “Come on, Anon. You said it yourself, let's enjoy the party, and that means you need to dance till you can’t dance no more.”

“You said it,” Pinkie agreed.

Anon thought to himself. When all else fails, you just got to use the fuck it adjustment.

Anon raised his hands in the air, and it is said he did not care. His wiggly bits jiggling and sending everypony there into a frenzy, especially Amber. She began to mimic his movements, both of them in unison as they blasted everypony back with their sheer powers of dance and flow.

Anon shed a single tear, looking up to the heavens. “I did it, Dad. I’m finally one of the cool kids.” Wiping away the waterworks, he jumped into the air as he noticed Amber shifting slightly under her skin.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

Anon looked around to see if anypony else had noticed, to his luck, they were way too into the groove of things to pay the Thing any mind. Luck seemed to be on his side, but he had to act fast.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

Anon then noticed how the Thing’s bones were beginning to break, and move out of place. He had no more time to think, he had to do something now, or else face the consequences. Running to the food and refreshments table, he finally got to do something he wanted all his life, and that was to rip off the cloth on a table without any of the stuff on top falling off. He then sprinted back to the Thing yelling, “FIRE! Everypony, run for your lives.”

Throwing the cloth over the Thing, he noticed how she no longer felt like she looked prier. In fact, she was dead still. Uh oh, that’s not good.

Suddenly, a sound unlike anything Anon had ever heard before roared from the Thing in his grasp. “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Get that fire away from meeeeeeee!” She then started running in circles, dragging Anon along with her.

“This is not what I imagined riding a horse for the first time would be like!” Anon then had an idea, “Wait, riding a horse, that’s it!” He grabbed ahold of Thing’s neck, turning it towards the door. “Hi ho, Amber. Away!”

Before anypony there got to know him, Anon was out the door faster than Bill Cosby’s career going down the drain, leaving everypony stunned, and unsure of what to do.

Author's Note

I stumbled across Thingpone a few days ago, and instantly fell in love like the weird asshole I am. I knew I had to write something about her, so I came up with this pile of pony trash for y'all to read.

Anyways, I'd appreciate nothing more than a comment telling me what I'm doing right, and what I'm doing to make you want to kill yourself. Toodles.