A Mad Man in A Filly's Body

I eventually awoke in a hospital room covered head to... hoof... in bandages.

Figures...

Ya'll were the one about to commit mass genocide ya bigot!

Please don't think I'm a bigot. I kill races equally.

WHAT IN EQUATRIA ARE YOU?!!?

A pissed off guy whose stuck in a clone body of you and will take his anger over being in said body on anyone who gets in my way by killing them.

Ya'll are messed up... ya know that?

You're just repeating already known info. Try something original that I've never heard of before.

In yer own words, go fuck yerself.

Well considering no nurse is arriving any time soon... how long have you been in my head?

Ever since ya went to sleep yer first time in Ponyville. Ah was awakened by those...... dreams...... ya'll were havin' and ah'm startin' ta wish ah STAYED asleep within ya.

Yeah, that's what they all say. I sarcastically thought

Fuck off with that.

I see you're quickly learning my speech patterns.

Well, it's the only way to get ya to derned listen!

You could've asked nicely.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I laughed a little at Apple Bloom's grief.

Well, can ya tell me just what your purpose even is for being inside my mind? If it's supposed to be a voice that'll lead me back down the path of good, that's one of the most cliche things that have ever happened to me.

Ah...... don't actually know what mah role's suppost to be in yer mind. But it might as well be what ya'll said! Ya need help!

Actually what I need right now are answers. And a Hardees/Carles Jr Hot Ham & Cheese Sandwich and one of their chocolate milkshakes with whipped cream. Those things are delicious.

These images.... huh.... ah think ah wanna try it. Well...... even if it IS meat.

Apple Bloom, you can never get closer to heaven then trying those two things together.

Suddenly the door to the room opened.

Don't look now but it looks like the nurse is coming in.

"How are you feeling Ms. Postal... Bloom?" Redheart asked as she looked at the clipboard

"Like I got run over by a horde of ponies in Gimp Suits." I groaned

"Well you should know that you didn't suffer any burns, but you do have some... head trauma to say the least."

Why does this world continue to throw things my way that just fail to impress me or surprise me in any way...

"What? How did that happen?"

"Some idiot guard accidentally hit you over the head with a shovel while you were passed out."

Figures...

"Well how long am I gonna be in here?"

"A few days at most."

Oh hell no, these readers are NOT gonna be subjected to THAT kind of torture! Hey Writer! You think you can skip us ahead to when I get out!?

Already ahead of you.

Day 10

Whew. Glad we skipped over that hell.

I then went over to a bench outside the hospital and pulled out a sticky note and pen to write down my to-do list for the day.

"Guess I better go see Twilight to talk about this damn voice in my head. Hopefully, this trip will bear more fruit than my last trip to her castle." I said to myself, "And while I'm at it I might as well try for another bite to eat. You kind of work up an appetite eating shit that makes school food taste better by comparison. Hmmm, maybe Applejack can do me a favor and lend me an apple, as much as I prefer meat. And I guess my final one should be to try to find more tools to kill with. These melee weapons and such are great and all, but this silenced pistol needs to find some use SOME way. Hmmm. I heard rumors that a team of griffon bandits made a camp in the old castle of the two sisters. Maybe they can let me 'borrow' some ammo and weapons. Well, this shit ain't gonna get done by itself. Time to get moving."

I first paid a visit to Applejack's which... could've gone better.

"THIS IS A STICKUP!" hollered a griffon bandit holding a S.M.E.G, "DROP YOUR MONEY AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!"

Everyone complied but me. The bandit got furious and held the gun to my head. I simply stood there unfazed as I secretly grabbed a nearby sledgehammer.

"I SAID DROP YOUR MONEY AND GET ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE!"

"I don't think so."

*SPLAT*

Before anyone could think, the bandit fell to the ground with no head. How? I smashed it into nothing with the sledgehammer. I then picked up the S.M.E.G and looked at my prize.

"That's what I'm talking about." I grinned evilly before turning to Applejack, "Anyways, how much was it for an apple?"

"T-Two bits..." she said in shock

I then handed two and took an apple before walking away and eating it.

"Next." I said to myself before crossing out the 'EAT' objective on the sticky note

Next up I paid a visit to Twilight. Though not before burning Starlight's tail and causing her and Trixie to get into a panic. After that, I entered Twilight's library to her fear.

"Hey, Twilight. I need to speak to you. Something weird's happening to me."

"L-like what?"

"I'm hearing Apple Bloom's voice in my head. Not only that, but the voice seems to be sentient. It can hear everything I hear and see everything I see, but can't control me. Though I fear with my current blunt trauma that might happen soon enough. Know what might be causing it?"

"I think I actually do."

Well ain't that a first.

"Well, what's the deal? Why is Apple Bloom's voice in my head?"

"I think it has something to do with you being in Apple Bloom's body. I think when you were turned the transformation wasn't 100% complete, in theory at least, and as a result, Apple Bloom is still TECHNICALLY there, but only in your mind. She can hear and see everything going on and what you're doing, but not much else. However, as you have said, you suffered some head trauma. That means that somewhere down the road Apple Bloom's gonna try to take over your body as well."

"Well, how long do you think I have until then?"

"I can't really say. It could be days, it could be months, it could happen the instant-"

"Don't you DARE jinx it." I said pulling out the machete

"But overall it's untelling when it'll happen. All we can do right now is make rough guesses." She quickly went as I put the machete away

"Would it have happened much later without the head wound?"

"Possibly. Had you not gotten that head wound there's a high probability that it would've happened much sooner down the line. Possibly next year or the next two years."

"Sooo it was gonna happen regardless."

"On the money there."

"Figures. You think there's any way I can suppress it, to say the least?"

"Unfortunately not."

"Why does this not surprise me..." I groaned

"The best you can do for now is hope for the best as each day passes the stronger the voice will become."

This is sounding like Paradise Lost too much...

"The stronger her voice gets and the more she starts to control, eventually Postal Bloom will cease to exist altogether and all that will remain is Apple Bloom." She continued

"That doesn't sound good at all..."

Ta you anyway murderer.

I'm not a murder. I'm just a walking talking gas chamber.

THAT'S THE SAME DERN THING!!!

No it's not.

YES IT IS!

No. It's not.

YES! IT! ISSS!!!!

It! Is! NOT!

"POSTAL BLOOM!"

"Uh wha- habi?!" I slurred

"What happened? You kind of when brain dead for a second there."

"Sorry was in the middle of an argument with Apple Bloom."

"Then it's worse than I thought. At this rate, that voice is gonna try to take over sooner than we think."

"Shit... I hope there's a compromise ending to this fic. I don't wanna have all of this build up be wasted with me ceasing to exist."

"Wha?"

"Nothing. Thanks for the info Twilight."

I then left and went throughout the castle looking for supplies. I found not only some scissors for me to throw as a weapon, but also a Paintball Gun, Bow & Arrows, and some garden sheers like in Paradise Lost. I don't know what I can use the paintball gun for, but I'll find a way. I, ALWAYS, find a way to use what's given to me. And I might've robbed the safe of 300 or so bits, but I was long gone before the guards appeared. Why did I steal 300? Believe it or not, they weren't for me. Well, some of it was, but not ALL of it. Why? I had a plan. I, ALWAYS, have a plan.

I soon traversed the Everfree Forest and found myself at the old Castle of the Two Sisters where I dumped the sack of bits out in front of the entrance and waited.

"What the?! Boys we've hit the motherload!" went the leader as he and a few griffons went out into foray

"Like Flys to a bug zapper." I grinned to myself

"HEY YOU!"

"About friggn' time." I said to myself as the royal guard appeared

"THAT'S PROPERTY OF TWILIGHT SPARKLE! GET YOUR FILTHY CLAWS OFF OF THOSE BITS!"

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! LET 'EM HAVE IT!" the leader went as he and the others began to open fire at the guards

"BACK UP! I NEED BACK UP!" hollered the commander before getting killed

I snuck in among the chaos and headed towards the armory. There I found the motherload. A scythe, Postal III esque fire ax, a pitchfork, loads of arrows, loads of ammo for the silenced pistol, a chainsaw, a weed wacker, loads of molotovs, loads of scissors, loads of lab syringes/AIDS, dynamite up the ass, ammo galore for the paintball gun, loads of ammo for the S.M.E.G, and for the grand finale a Postal 2 esque Stun Gun.

Aww writer you spoil me.

Okay seriously yer freakin' me out. Who in the hay are ya talkin' to?

You'll never know because you can't break the fourth wall.

Ahhh screw you too...

I began to make my escape when I came across an obstacle in the loby. One I NEVER thought I'd have to face.

"Hold it right there Postal Bloom." Shinning Armor said sternly

"I hate boss fights..." I groaned

TO BE CONTINUED...

To be continued? NOW?! I hate cliffhangers...