The Best Troller In ALL Of Equestria

"I can only dream of there being an air conditioner unit amongst all these ruins."

The vast valleys of green that stretched before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna transformed before their very eyes. It was a marvelous, and enlightening experience. The very ground before them vanished, and their surroundings were replaced by the warmest air they'd ever sensed. As they fell, they saw that below them was something Celestia had never thought she'd see nestled within the Canterlot region. It was a tall standing pyramid, built in the very heart of this roaring desert, and all by itself, without anything else visibly nearby for miles. Although Celestia could tell that the land was still Equestria, the sands gave it a different feeling entirely. She and her sister cascaded through the middle of the air, down towards the sloping limestone surface. They landed, and continued to decline in altitude, but gained in speed while gracefully sliding alongside it, kicking sand and dust away from their paths.

Once they had finally neared the bottom, Celestia leaped forward, and away from the pyramid while extending her wings. Luna followed suit, and once reaching solid, clay ground undoubtedly made by ponies long ago, Celestia commented, "I never believed there could've been enough sand in those storms to do something such as this. It's... terrible, but also such a beautiful sight as well."

Luna nodded, coming up next to Celestia under a tall growing palm tree. "It sure is humid. That's for sure! I can feel myself perspiring already."

Celestia raised her wing defiantly to block her own sun from blinding her, and said, "The rays bouncing off the sands makes it that much brighter, I noticed." She winced, and blinked. "I can only dream of there being an air conditioner unit amongst all these ruins."

From behind, Luna called over to her. "Sister, come take a look at this."

She was entering the pyramid, and Celestia became curious as well. "Just what could be hidden deep inside this thing?" Celestia thought.

She followed along, and the two of them proceeded with illuminating the wide, and dark space with their horns. Above them, in primitive looking pictures carved against the inner four triangle walls described what had happened to Equestria over the years. The storms came, and went, but life for ponies struggled to go on despite all of that. Because of the chaos that the storms had caused, it appeared that Twilight and her friends either never met, or were never born, because nothing about her of her friends were up there. Celestia had to take down her own sister all by herself, and only just a few years earlier.

"It... appears..."

Luna gasped at the tomb that rested right in the middle of the room. In the center of it was the labeling of her cutie mark. Celestia walked up to it, and Luna asked, "If this place is what I think it is, then..."

Celestia's was the one to use her trembling hoof to opened the tomb, but she quickly backed away while nearly losing her lunch after doing so. As for her sister, Luna just froze. She stared at her dead self with a weak posture. She then suddenly jerked herself forward, and looked at herself while giving off a daunting huff. "But... I'm here," she said to the corpse after putting her hooves on the tomb's edges, her face turning white as a sheet.

Celestia put a hoof on her sister's back, and said, "You're still here, though." Luna backed away from the stony coffin in aggravation, and then, something strange happened. Luna turned into literal static for a good moment, as if she were inside a tv screen. Celestia jumped, and yelled, "What the?!"

"How can I be dead?!" Luna cried out, her voice also sounding distant. "I'm right here! I don't remember dying!"

Celestia began to suspect this was a side effect of seeing one's other self dead. She reached forward to grab hold of Luna in order to make her stop, but she couldn't even really be sure if whether or not she had touched her sister, when in actuality, she did.

Luna was brought back to reality with the most bizarre of expressions, and could only asked her sister, "Huh?"

Celestia breathed, and noticed something peculiar. "Luna... You're bleeding."

"What?" Luna asked. She brought her hoof up to her nose only to feel thick liquid oozing from her nostrils. "Ohh, jeez..."

"Here," Celestia said. She summoned something for Luna to wipe the blood away with, and said, "You went a little see through back there, and fuzzy. I don't think you should be looking at your dead self anymore."

Luna nodded while still dabbing at her maw, and turned for the entrance. "Indeed, so let's just get out of here."

"But, Luna" Celestia said. "In case you haven't noticed, it's been surprisingly cool in here."

Luna turned back around, annoyed, and yelled, "That's because my DEAD CORPSE is in here! Now, let's get out of here."

Celestia nodded as well. She began following along while Luna tossed aside the small, white, and bloodied towel that she'd been using. Just before reaching the beginnings of the hall, however, Celestia and Luna noticed two pieces of clothing hanging on a pair of hooks. Above the white, larger veil designed to cover one's body was Celestia's name scribbled on an old, wooden plaque. The other veil was blue with darker trim. Above that one was Luna's plaque.

Celestia felt the fabric, and commented, "It's made of freezing-fiber. You only really see this sort of clothing at Somnambula."

Luna nodded, and asked, "Should we?"

Celestia shook her head, and said, "What? Are you crazy? That's thievery!"

"But, they've got our names on them! Plus, we'll die of either heat or exhaustion out there without them!"

Celestia looked away, and sighed. She then smiled while grabbing hold of her dress. "I suppose you've got a point."

Luna put her's on as well, and the two of them then left after getting completely situated. "I just hope I don't ever see myself dead," Celestia said. "That... appeared to be quite the ordeal for you. What was it like?"

Luna just gulped at the questions presented to her, and confessed, "Like I didn't know what up, or down was anymore. It was head splitting. You're in the right to hope to never see yourself dead!"

Celestia blinked while breathing in deeply, and the two of them wandered into the light once more. This time, with their dresses on, the sun didn't distract the two so much, and they were able to see a city in the far off north east. They even saw even more pyramids. "There," Celestia said with a coy smirk that nopony could ever even be able to see thanks to that veil hiding her face. Even their wings were hidden, so long as they stayed on the royal sister's sides. "That must be Canterba. Wouldn't you agree?"

Luna nodded, and said, "Whoever it is we're looking for, they'll probably be found over there. Not over here at my grave."

Together, the two Princess took flight, and soared through the sand filled atmosphere. In the far off distance, well enough away to only be described as a speck, two blistering tornadoes merged to become even more powerful. Luckily for Canterba, it was well enough away to hardly be called a threat. As Celestia and Luna entered the outskirts of a suburb called Bonovo, they made sure to land before anypony saw that they were alicorns. There was no need for such attention, after all.

Canterba was exactly as one might imagine Canterlot to be like had it been buried under miles upon miles of sand. Palm trees had at least started emerging here and there to give the landscape a more tropical impression. Everything else, however, such as the city itself was bland, and to put it mildly, falling apart. There were plenty of alleyways for thieves to gallop on into, and plenty of shops aligning the main path that lead to the very palace itself for those thieves to take advantage of. Celestia and Luna trotted along, hoping to not be recognized, and for the most part, ponies paid them little attention, so they proceeded to head for the palace with no real idea as to how they were going to infiltrate it. Celestia took her mind of such things, though, by listening to the merchants next to them banter on about what they had to offer.

"Fresh fish! Fresh fish for sale!"

"Got you gals covered right on over here! Monkey's feet! Don't ask how I got my hooves on em'. It was extremely messy!"

"Can I interest you in some jewelry?"

"Oh," Celestia chimed, waving for Luna to slow her pace. "Necklaces... and horseshoes??? You have necklaces and horseshoes?"

"Hah!" The chubby merchant laughed. "My prices may be a bit salty... much like my lips, but you won't find better quality goods anywhere else."

Celestia turned to her fellow traveling companion, and asked, "How much money do we have?"

Luna just gawked at Celestia, and asked in a shocked tone, "You're joking, right? You have to be joking. Besides, what makes you think that they would take the type of currency we carry?"

The merchant then spoke up, "I accept bits, water, and slaves. I prefer women."

Celestia looked from the merchant to Luna to say, "See? He accepts bits and slaves." She then realized what she had just said, turned back around to face the merchant, and asked, "Wait, what?! Slaves???"

If only slightly, The merchant backed away, and said, "Yes. What of it? It's perfectly legal here in Canterba! I'll not sell my wears to such individuals who possess such closed minds!"

"No, wait," Celestia said. "Actually... Nevermind about that. We don't care," she lied, but in a way, that's not really why they were here, either. Celestia and Luna were visiting Canterba to find somepony that Trollestia had sent there as a prank. "To be honest, we just need to get into the palace."

The black-marketeer gave the two a wicked smile, and offered, "Just two bits, and I'll bring the relatives of Empress Celestia to her throne room post haste. Hehe..."

Celestia blinked, and looked from him to her sister, and then back at him again. "How...?"

"I could see it in your eyes. Don't worry, you two. Celestia has her guests visit in secret all the time. I'm just surprised to get this job so late! Usually, the likes of yourselves shows up much more earlier."

Luna chuckled at that, and said, "We got caught up looking at the pyramids. We're... not from around here."

The merchant turned his gate to the ill spoken mare, and said, "Looking at the pyramids? Heh... That's funny. As if there's not enough of those things for miles, dotting the world like it were an old century spiked wrecking ball. You go right on ahead and tell me a place in Equestria that doesn't have those eyesores somewhere in the distance, and I'd love to go there sometime."

He started limping away from the two, and into a back ally. He sounded for them to follow. They did, and were then instructed to go down an intimidatingly dark, and damp sounding sewer hole. "It leads right to Celestia," the unsuspecting merchant said to Celestia.

"You're sure?" Celestia asked, worried.

"Positive." He then extended an open hoof, and asked, "My two bits? After all, it's a discount."

Celestia paid up, and the two got under way. As they voyaged through the muggy environment, Celestia commented to Luna, "I wonder how Twilight's getting along."

Luna shrugged, and offered, "Her situation is probably not too far off from what ours is right now."