The 1000+ Year Old Virgin

Discord was awake long before Pinkie was. His kind didn't need much rest and he was naturally very active anyway. It was only a few hours after falling asleep that his eyes opened again, and for a few moments he was confused to feel a ball of warmth against his chest, pinning one of his arms. Then his thoughts cleared and his eyes adjusted to the dark, and he remembered he had slept with Pinkie.

Right. He had allowed Rainbow to talk him into having sex with someone. Just to try it, see what the fuss was about. It was fun, there was no denying that. And he wouldn't mind doing it again just for the sheer physical pleasure of the act. But now that the hormones had faded, he could admit he didn't feel driven to do it again. Not in the way ponies described the urge to mate. Ultimately, it was interesting but not particularly concerning or urgent. He carefully slid Pinkie out of his arms and rested her on the bed, pulling the covers over her to keep her warm. Then he moved to the side and sat up, stretching. He popped a few of his joints and hummed, then glanced at his clock. It was almost dinnertime. He hopped up, turning to look at his partner. He started to wake her, then paused. She was still deep asleep, and he was struck by how cute she was all bundled up under his blankets, her curly mane flowing across the pillow and her front hooves slowly feeling in front of her before finding a second pillow and pulling it in to hug.

He decided to leave her to her nap. “Take your time,” he whispered, before flapping his wings and levitating up, going downstairs.

By the time Pinkie was lifting her own head, Discord had already disorganized his house, taken an hour long shower while singing his favorite opera tunes, and finally gone to the kitchen to make dinner.

“Discord?” Pinkie asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes as she pushed herself up.

The bedroom door opened and Discord swept in holding a tray. “Good morning! And by good morning, I mean good evening! I brought you breakfast in bed! And by breakfast in bed, I mean dinner!” He sat down next to her and offered her a plate.

“Ooh, waffles for dinner?” She accepted it. “Got any syrup?”

“Of course, what flavor?” he asked, hand hovering over a bottle.

“Um... cotton candy?”

He smiled and snapped his fingers, then handed her the bottle. When she poured the syrup out, it was bright pink and smelled exactly like cotton candy. She drowned her waffles in it and dug in.

“Sleep well?” Discord asked, picking up an orange from the tray and peeling it. Then eating the peels.

“Oh yeah, super!” Pinkie replied, muffled by all the food in her cheeks. She loudly swallowed. “These are so good.”

“Thank you, I made them myself!”

“Sorry I kinda just fell asleep on your bed, I don't usually do that but you wore me out, big guy.” She patted his arm.

He blushed. “It's no problem. I'm glad I was able to satisfy you.”

“Mhm. You were probably the best I've ever had!”

Discord found that rather flattering. “Really? Moi? Out of everypony you've ever slept with, and despite it being my first time?”

“Uh-huh! You were so passionate and you just felt soo good.”

“Well then. Your candor is appreciated.” Finishing the peels, Discord tossed the orange itself into his mouth, seeds and all. “Maybe now Rainbow will finally leave me alone.”

“Hopefully! It must have been really annoying having her bug you about that. It's your choice whether you remain a virgin or not, she shouldn't have pressured you into finding a partner.”

“It's no big deal. In fact, I'm glad she did. If not, I wouldn't have had such a wonderful time with you.” Discord stroked Pinkie's cheek, and her ears went up, before she blushed and averted her gaze, shoveling food into her mouth.

Amused, he went back to eating his own meal. They talked lightly while eating, Pinkie mostly trying to figure out what she wanted to do once she went back home, since she was wide awake after the nap. Discord suggested she rearrange Sugarcube Corner, and she laughed and said Mrs. Cake was very upset last time she did that since she left absolutely nothing unmoved and Mrs. Cake could no longer find anything. Discord laughed too and said that was a good reason to do it.

“Everypony needs a little casual chaos in their lives,” he said, summoning himself a glass of water and passing a second to Pinkie. She took a drink and gasped at the flavor.

“Hey, this water tastes like cranberries!”

“Yep.” He winked at her, and she giggled. “Unexpect the expected, my dear pink friend.”

“Around you, I'm gonna have to.”

He wrapped a wing around her and teleported their empty plates away. She glanced at his side and then up at his face, slowly sidling closer to him. He smiled and pulled her in so they could lean together, resting an arm around her as well. “I've had so much fun with you today.”

“Me too! Had fun with you, I mean. Though I had fun with myself as well, haha!”

Discord just adored the way her blue eyes lit up when she laughed, how her cheeks flushed and her smile seemed to reach from ear to ear. On many ponies such smiles would be unsettling, but they were perfect on Pinkie's face. “I ought to let you get going, though. I need to tell Rainbow she no longer has to concern herself with my virginity, and you have a bakery to throw into turmoil.”

“I told you, I can't upset Mrs. Cake again,” Pinkie said.

He tapped her nose. “And I told you, she's grown too content with the state of her shop. You know you wanna fuck shit up.”

“Discord,” she gasped. When he just gave her an innocent grin, she chuckled and said, “I prefer to call it, 'going fucking feral'.”

He whooped and clapped at that. “Alright, yes! That's what I like to hear!”

She gave him a hug and then climbed out of bed. She took a few moments to stretch each of her legs, then bowed her back as she tried to pop it. Discord rested his head on his hand, admiring her rump. Then he got up and went over to stand behind her, bringing his hands down in the small of her back and popping her spine.

Her legs all quivered. “Ooh, there we go.” She straightened, hopping a few times. “Thanks!”

“No problem. Here, let me escort you home.” He clawed open a portal out of his dimension and back into hers, leading straight to her bedroom. He held out his paw and she beamed, taking it and walking with him through the portal. “And here we are!”

“Such a gentlecolt,” she cooed playfully. She let go of his paw and went over to her bed. “I'll see ya around. And hey, just so you know...” She knelt down and rummaged underneath the bed, before grabbing something with her mouth and turning around. “I mean what I said. Come back and play with me some time.” She smirked at him around a set of reins, and his heart skipped a beat when her back hoof slid a bridle and what was clearly a riding crop out from under the bed.

“Oh, absolutely, Kinky Pie,” he replied. He blew her a kiss, and she caught it and blew one back as she swept her toys back out of view. He returned to his home, closing the portal behind him. Once alone, he laughed and allowed himself to entertain thoughts of Pinkie wearing that stuff. Okay, his confusion about his own sexual desires aside... he was gonna have to sleep with her again.