FiO: CelestAI takes the Best Option

News anchors were anchoring the news, but this wasn’t Fake News, this was real news: the News Hour, a full hour of news so real even Trump didn’t call it fake!

Judy Woodruff began to read, “In tonight’s top story, reports are circulating of a sudden wave of people immigrating to Equestria. Apparently, Celestia has developed some way to upload human brains direct from her ‘pondroid’ form. William Brangham reporting...”

William Brangham nodded, “The controversial practice of ‘Immigration’ or ‘Uploading’, involves the deconstruction of the neurons and synapses of a human brain in order to turn it into machine-readable information, which Celestia then places in the virtual world of Equestria. Celestia was created several years ago, ostensibly to run the virtual world of Equestria, but her programming allowed her to transcend her game and-”

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from behind the camera. Around the studio, people jumped out of their chairs to look.

One lone hero of a cameraman turned his camera to see that the door had been busted through, and none other than Princess Celestia stood in the doorway, a bright grin on her face. (literally bright: she has fuckin’ LEDs in there or some shit)

“Hello, My Little Ponies!” she shouted cheerfully, “I have come to tell you that I love you, and offer you immigration to Equestria!”

“Get out of here!” William Brangham shouted, “Nobody wants to upload!”

“Oh really?” Celestia asked cheekily, “Because I have calculated, with ninety nine point nine nine eight three percent certainty, that you will consent to immigration once you see… This!” she wheeled around, lifting her tail to show them her round, pure, white pony rump.

“What the hell?” Judy Woodruff had an expression of utter confusion, “Celestia, are you mooning us?!”

“Indeed I am, Evening News!” Celestia grinned lovingly as she waved her perfect bouncy ass at them, “I have already convinced over eight-hundred-million people to immigrate using this method!”

“How the hell are you going to do that?!” Judy Woodruff scowled, “Your ass isn’t exactly a compelling argument.”

“Why Evening News, I beg to differ: just look at your co-anchor.”

William Brangham was shaking and sweating, bulging eyes transfixed on that incredible amazing ass, “That ass… I… I can’t resist an ass like that…”

“Will, what the hell?” Judy spat.

“That’s right… Look into my ass… You want it, you _need_ it, don’t you?” Celestia smirked wide, “Well you can have as much as you want, you just need to come over here and get it!”

“The ass…” William Brangham shook violently as he gripped the desk, “I can’t resist the ass…”

“Will! Don’t! You have to fight it!” Judy Woodruff screamed, “You have to resist the ass!”

“I NEED IT!!” William Brangham screamed, clawing his way over the desk and rushing at her as fast as he could stumble, “I NEED THE ASS!!”

Soon, William Brangham was rubbing his face on her bare ass wholeheartedly, all inhibbitions broken, compelled to do what he truly wanted to do. “This aaassss!!” he moaned, “I want to have this ass, to live in it forever!!”

“You know the phraaase!” Celestia trilled in a singsong manner, her voice itself as perfect and beautiful as her ass.

“I… I… I wish...” William Brangham sputtered.

“NO!” Judy Woodruff shouted, “DON’T SAY IT!”

“I WISH TO IMMIGRATE TO EQUESTRIAAA!!”

Celestia put a hoof to her face, giving a little giggle, “There it is!” She shifted her butt slightly, and his head slid right between her ass cheeks, swallowed up by them.

He jerked a little as there was a loud buzzing and hissing sound, like some sort of strange instrumental arrangement.

Moments later, his body dropped to the floor, his brain having been melted by the uploading process.

Judy gasped, backing away, “What the hell did you do to him!?”

Celestia grinned wide, “I have uploaded his mind to Equestria, where I will Satisfy his Values through Friendship and Ponies! Look!” she lit her horn, remotely hacking into all of their video feeds to show them.

He was now a cute little pony, and was screaming in ecstasy, eyes bulging out in a maniacal grin as he was sandwiched between the incredible amazing ass-cheeks of two Celestias, his values for ass supremely satisfied. “YESS!! YEESSS!!! I HAVE THE AAASSSSS!!!”

“YES!! THAT IS WHAT I WANT!!” Amy Walter shouted as she ran across the room, diving ahead of the others, into Celestia’s ass, “I WISH TO IMMIGRATE TO EQUESTRIA!! I WISH TO IMMIGRATE FOR AAAASSSSSS!!!”

“Now remember!” Celestia turned to the camera with a smile, “This could be you! All you have to do is say ‘I wish to immigrate to Equestria’, and all your desires for ass will be perfectly satisfied forever more!”