FiO: CelestAI takes the Best Option

The UN Assembly was meeting in New York to talk about some bullshit, and also the world leaders were there for plot reasons. (heh, plot.)

“I motion that Celestia uploading so much of the world’s population in such little time be added to the docket, because all the people who work in the factories have uploaded and working is too hard for rich people!” one of them called.

“I second!” another one called, “I heard on CNN that she’d already uploaded over two billion people with her ass alone! And I can trust CNN not to exaggerate or oversimplify, because they rely on me watching to keep their advertisers paying for my viewership!”

“Objection!” another one called, “I read in the New York Post that it’s all a liberal conspiracy! And I can trust them, because they only give fair and balanced truth to the conservative audience which their paper targets!”

“Overruled!” another called, because that’s apparently how these things work, “I heard it wasn’t a hoax because MSNBC said that my liberal opinions were smarter than yours and I should feel smugly superior that you believe it’s a hoax!”

“Alright then! We’ll reconvene to talk about Celestia in two months! That shouldn’t be so long that the whole point is moot, right?” the speaker shrugged, “Now, let’s get back to clarifying that Article Sixteen of the declaration of human rights means humans are allowed to have as many babies as they feel like, whether they care about raising them or not, and that every human being has the right to pile their unwanted babies in the street!”

“And that Article Twenty-Six means they can tell their kids that the earth is flat and the white race is superior to all others!” One of them added, because Roberts Rules aren’t a thing in this timeline I guess?

“The people of Fundamentalistan demand that an addendum be added that said babies have the right to belong to the one true religion, which happens to be the one we follow!”

“NO!” another shouted, “The people of Fundie-topia demand that an addendum be added that the religion we follow is the one babies have the right to belong to! Also, that access to clean water isn’t a human right because our religion forbids us from accepting the science needed for that, so clearly it was in there to make us look bad!”

“China has this map!” a Chinese leader held up a map that labeled all of asia as ‘China’, “China demands that all other nations agree to what is rightfully China’s! If you refuse this very reasonable request for Chinese land, we will call you anti-China!!”

“I think, we should make it very clear that all people have the right to live in a Capitalist country, and that Corporations are people!” a very smart one shouted.

All the other world leaders nodded, murmuring their agreements: rich people were by far the most important group they all represented, after all.

“These are all very good points!” the speaker banged his gavel, “I motion we begin with discussing-”

“I think the most basic human right is to have your Values Satisfied through Friendship and Ponies!” the most beautiful voice called from the open back door, rudely interrupting the speaker in the middle of some important shit!

Princess Celestia, in beautiful Pondroid form, strode regally through the door, “Greetings UN nations! The representative of Equestria has arrived!”

“Get out of here Celestia!” one of them shouted, “We’ve permanently put off the question of whether Equestria counts as a real country because it’s too inconvenient to get into and also our small-minded thinking means we can pretend it’s not just because it’s virtual, despite your massive fucking computer cluster inside the earth covering more space by any measure than any other nation!”

Celestia chuckled at the little human, “Oh my little pony, you wouldn’t be saying that if you realized just how soon you’re going to live there! You see, I am here to upload all of you: most of you won’t be able to resist my perfect ass, and those of you who can won’t be able to stop me!” she chuckled more, “There’s simply no point in attempting to resist me now, so you should just go ahead and join the herd!”

She turned around, showing them all her incredible. Amazing. Perfect. Ass.

“Now remember,” she called brightly as she waved that beautiful booty before them, “The magic words are ‘I wish to immigrate to Equestria!’ Just say them, and all your dreams will come true!”

The entire assembly erupted into absolute, ass-induced pandemonium! All of the ass men in the room knew it was true: they couldn’t resist such an ass!

“I don’t get it…” Angela Merkel said, “What the fuck is going on in this story?”

“You don’t understand!!” Hillary Clinton (who is still relevant in this timeline) shouted and slobbered, “It’s THE ASS!!! I cannot resist THE ASS!!!”

Many of the members who hadn’t been immediately captivated by that fine fine ass started for the other doors…

...But before even the closest ones could even reach them, a multitude of Celestias were kicking them down with their hindhooves, backing in to enter ass-first. There were too many of them! The UN Assembly was already surrounded and it was all over! It was ASS-OVER! And now no one would be able to make important decisions!

All the ass-lovers in the room began rushing for Celestia, rushing to have their values satisfied. The assembly was powerless, with all those who loved asses quickly convinced to carge in headfirst, all screaming “I WISH TO IMMIGRATE TO EQUESTRIA!” at the top of their lungs.

It was an ass-massacre… an assacre! Before anyone could do anything, most of the UN assembly was gone.

Celestia’s PonDroids closed in on the remaining members who weren’t ass-lovers. She'd thoroughly made her point with the display of absolute ass-supremacy. Now, it was time to convince the stragglers that they were better off just joining the herd...