Saccharine Arcadia

Chapter 12: Whiskey Business.

Sweet Apple Acres, Barn:

“Sssssurprise!”

Rob’s voice rung out loud into the darkness of the barn; bouncing off of all its bare walls.

The lights flickered on with a ping, to reveal the faces of the many ponies gathered inside of the barn, all of whom wore confused expressions. Rob noticed Big Mac cast a sideways glace to Applejack who simply shrugged in response from behind a bale of hay. He also noticed the ruffling of wings up in the hay loft, and within seconds, the faces of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash appeared over the edge of the final rafter. They too, were a mixture of surprised and confused.

Looking inside, the barn was populated with all of the close friends Rob had made ever since coming to Equestria; the six girls he first met, Big Mac, and the three flower girls too. Each of them was in some sort of hidden position, crouched behind a barrel or up in the rafters, and he made a guess that this whole thing was meant to be a surprise – one that he’d just ruined.

All of their eyes were on him and he simply shrugged, not knowing what else to do.

“Whelp, way to shit on their parade, Rob, nice one.”

An awkward silence remained before Pinkie popped out from behind the barn door to Rob’s right and pouted, looking up at the human with annoyance in her eyes. She stopped right in front of him.

“You ruined the surprise.” She blankly stated.

“I may have done that a lil’ bit, yeah…” His deadpanned voice spoke back.

“This was meant to be something to surprise you and welcome you to our home…”

Shakily, Rob rubbed his head, trying to think of a way not to hurt the pink mare further; “Well… Ugh, think of it this way! It is a surprise party, and you were surprised, right? So… surprise – success!”

A few moments passed as Pinkie eyed the human suspiciously, looking for any ill intent in his voice. Luckily for him though, within seconds, her discouraged face was replaced by one of happiness.

“You’re right! It is, and it was! So this party was and still is a surprise!? But… for us instead!” She turned around to the others in the barn, “Look surprised girls… and Mac, this is now a party for you! Well… it’s not, but… play along! We don’t want him to feel bad!”

Numerous confused ponies looked at Pinkie Pie and then at each other, before resigning themselves to fact that Pinkie was just being Pinkie.

Despite the party pony waving her hooves in the air enthusiastically, no one joined in save a feeble looking Fluttershy up in the roof. Rob walked forward and grabbed the pony’s hooves as they were flailing above her head. She looked up at him.

“Ok, first thing,” He started, “How do you guys balance on two hooves like that? And also, you can stop that now. You’re confusing everypony.” Rob looked up at the variety of ponies lurking the barn. He focussed on Rose, “Evening, Rose,” Before turning to Mac, “Sup.” And lastly, facing the girls, he spoke once more, “Ladies.”

Each of them nodded at him when he addressed them, and a few still looked shell-shocked from trying to comprehend what had just gone on.

Rob sighed and inhaled deeply, finding his sensed overwhelmed with a multitude of different things. First there was hay; the overpowering scent of what seemed like ‘sweet’ hay, then a second, there was food; something which smelt spicy. Rob couldn’t quite place it. The smell made him salivate. He looked over to the side and saw a row of tables with plates and bowls lined up on it, in amongst the various other foods, was an ungodly amount of cake. He turned back to Pinkie.

“Well then, I hear you’re the number one party pony in Ponyville. Care to show me some of those skills?” He smirked, challenging the pink ball of fun.

Her grin widened, far surpassing that of the humans, “You betcha! We’re gonna have a great night!”

Rob laughed, “Well then, I’ll leave that up to you!”

By now, Twilight had gone in and dispelled the confusion amongst the crowd, still wearing that same look of disapproval she wore during most of Rob’s antics. The fact that this time, they were combined with Pinkie’s, made the expression only more intense.

From there on out, the party picked up, Pinkie had found some fairly generic but catchy music from somewhere, and set it off in the background, and a few groups had split off here and there, talking amongst themselves. Glancing around the room, Rob found out where everyone was; he spied Mac chatting to Daisy and Lily next to the gramophone, alongside a very awkward looking Twilight. He found Spike keeping Applejack and Dash company over at the food table, right where he expected them to be, and try as he might, Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. Rob himself was entertaining Rose, Rarity and Fluttershy by the door, looking out over the meadows. They all wanted to hear of the trip to Canterlot, and despite hearing the story numerous times now, Rob was happy to indulge them. Under the now dimmed lights, Rob once again told them his tale.

“And so, that’s that; one trip to Canterlot done. I really would like to visit more places around Equestria though, they all seem interesting in their own little ways.” Rob took a sip of the punch he was drinking. “Where was it again…? Cloudsdale? That’s your home, right, Fluttershy?”

The shy pegasus nodded, “But you can’t get there without wings… And I don’t think I could carry you…”

“I wasn’t asking you to, silly.” He shrugged, “I just thought a city of clouds sounded cool.” He smiled at the mare, “And I take it there are no other ways of getting there?”

She shook her head glumly.

“No matter.”

“You might like to try Manehattan, Arc. Giant skyscrapers line the streets and there are so many sights to see!” Rarity offered, becoming excited about the prospect just thinking about it. “You’ll have to take me too! I’d love to visit for a spell.”

He chuckled, “Maybe I’ll take you one day, Rarity, but I was thinking more… rural. I’m not a fan of the city. Maybe somewhere like Ponyville.”

She thought for a moment before looking up at him, “Well, there are places around but, they’re pretty far away. Nothing like a day trip’s length; if you wanted to go, it’d take weeks in anything other than a chariot or on a train.”

“Appleloosa!” Rose blurted out, interrupting the other two.

“Excuse me?” Arc questioned.

Clearing her throat, Rose smiled and spoke up, “What about Appleloosa and that other place up north… Dodge Junction!” She looked over at Rarity and Fluttershy who both wore black faces. “You guys went there, right?”

“Ah! Yes, we did!” Fluttershy jumped up, springing into the air for a little bit.

Rarity nodded, “That’s true, we did do that.” She prodded Arc in the leg with a hoof, “You could visit those places; pay a visit to Applejack’s cousin, Braeburn too if you like.”

“Braeburn? Really?” Rob looked skeptical.

“What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked.

“Nothing, nothing. The names sometimes still get me a little bit.”

He looked over the now fully dark meadows, trying to pick out any details. Unfortunately, the light from the barn made any long distance viewing nearly impossible, and he could see no further than the edge of the fence surrounding the barn. One thing he did notice, was one pink rump edging its way out of a cellar door which was dug into the ground. He chose to dismiss it and focus back on the party.

At this point, Rose had dragged Rarity and Fluttershy into a conversation about their future holiday plans, and so Rob decided to go and check on Mac and his little group. He walked passed Lily, who was topping up her drink, and flashed her a smile in passing, one which she returned before heading back over to Mac with him.

From what he could tell, the whole conversation around Mac was simply Lily and Daisy hitting on the poor stallion whilst Twilight watched on awkwardly and embarrassed. Moving swiftly on, Rob went over to the food table where Applejack, Rainbow and Spike were.

From the looks of it, between the three of them, they’d eaten a fair portion of food already, and had started on the cake. Spike noticed Rob approaching and waved a claw, signalling him over.

“What’s up, buddy?”

The little dragon forced another mouthful of cake into his face and beckoned Rob even closer, down to his level. “When can we get some alcohol?” He looked around suspiciously.

Rob stood up, “There are a number of things Spike, first, you don’t have to talk about it like it’s contraband, and secondly, I think I saw Pinkie messing with it outside… dunno why though. Anyhow, Twi already gave the A-OK on that front so you really don’t have to get all flustered over it.”

“I suppose you’re right…”

Rob saw Applejack’s ears prick up and her head turn. “What’re y’all talkin’ about over there, huh?”

Rob went over to the pony and perched on the table next to her. “Apparently, Mac gave Pinkie some of your cider and whiskey. You know, the stuff you make here? And Twilight has given Spike permission to drink for the first time! … Under my supervision of course… That’s probably a mistake on her part, but, still!”

Applejack looked at Rob with a face of confusion. “You’re serious? Fussbudget Twilight is lettin’ Spike drink?” She turned to Dash. “Are you hearing this?”

Dash drew her attention to Applejack and tuned herself into the conversation. “Wha?”

Applejack sighed. “Never mind…”

Rob leant over a bowl to reach some food on the other side of the table, and took a bite. Flavour filled his mouth. “So yeah, that’s that.”

“Well, y’all be careful, that there’s mighty strong drink.”

“Don’t you worry Applejack, I am well acquainted with such a drink, and by the end of the night, Spike will be too!” He stopped at the look she gave him. “Err… I’ll be sensible. You know me!” The look she gave him after that last remark was even worse. “Trust me.”

“Well, that final look was the worst of them all. I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Rob hopped off of the table and headed towards the door, passing the girls and Mac again on the way. He heard the music change and noticed Fluttershy and Rarity dancing in some unique pony manner. It was strange; some sort of shuffle, whilst raising a hoof occasionally. The human knew he was no expert at dancing himself, and so, thought no further on the matter.

Pressing the barn door open, Rob strolled round to where he’d seen Pinkie earlier. When he found her, she was huffing and panting a fair bit, something which confused him, until he saw the mountain of barrels she’d dragged out of the cellar.

“Ugh, Pinkie… we’re not going to need all the barrels… We probably won’t even need the one.”

She turned to look at him and suddenly, and all past exhaustion was gone. “Well, better to have too much than not enough, and this way, we will surely have too much! So, everyone can have some, and we’ll still have more after that!”

Rob deadpanned her. “And I thought I was the irresponsible one when it came to alcohol…”

“Silly, it’s not irresponsible, it’s being ‘cautious’! If we didn’t have enough – that would be irresponsible… But this way – we do!”

Sighing, Rob leant against the side of the barn, “That is some seriously screwed up logic there, girl.”

Pinkie only smiled in response and dragged the last barrel out of the cellar with a grunt, somehow managing to slam it down in a neatly stacked pile atop the others. Due to a combined effort, the two managed to roll the first barrel inside the barn and hook it up to a conveniently located tap, just inside the door on the right. Rob questioned the taps presence, but Pinkie only replied with the word ‘emergencies’ when he asked. He left it at that.

The ponies in the barn all stopped to look at the tired duo whilst they worked, wondering what was going on. It was rare to see such a keg at one of Pinkie’s parties, and for a few of them; cider season was the last time any of them had even had any booze – that was about two months before.

The first to inspect the new addition to the barn was Mac, accompanied by Lily just behind. The gentle giant had decided to check upon the fixtures and the connections, much to Rob’s happiness – seeing as he thought he and Pinkie weren’t exactly qualified. Giving one sound “eeyup”, the stallion signalled his approval and let the party commence.

Pony after pony, Fluttershy included, came up to the barrel to drink. It surprised Rob just how much Ponyville seemed to have a thirst for the new beverage. Soon enough, the first barrel was dry, and a second had to be rolled in. Rob was amazed now, at how much ponies could put away.

After his first flagon, Rob had decided that the cider was nice. It was different to home, but nice anyway. Instead of being a refreshing alcohol which tasted… well, bitter. It was more of a sweet drink, and no matter how much you had, you kept on returning for more. It was a vicious cycle, one where you got drunk no matter how much you tried. He was sure that productivity in Ponyville must have been at an all-time-low during cider season.

After mingling for a few hours and attempting to dance, Rob went up for his third drink. All was going well until he spied a sight that he really wished he hadn’t. From the ever dark fields emerged two figures, slowly moving towards the light. He took a double take before running over to Pinkie, who was nearby, dancing erratically and rather sloppily.

Laughing nervously, he shook the pink mare until her eyes focussed on him hazily, “Pinkie, please tell me that you did not invite them!” He pointed to the door as the two figures entered.

“You promised me that you’d only invite people I knew and liked!” He frantically shook her, “They don’t count!”

She giggled at him. “Why not? You’ve met them, and they liked you, so, I invited them!”

“Yes, but they like me in the wrong way!” He let go of Pinkie and stood back up.

“Right. Where does a human hide when in a room full of ponies!?”

“Oh I just wanna die right now.”

“Arc!” He heard his name called in tandem.

Rob turned around.

“H-haha…” He looked at them.

“Pink and blue…”

“Aloe, Lotus… Umm… you good?”

“Very!” Once again they spoke in tandem. “Once you left, we got an influx of customers!”

Aloe leant forward, whispering. “We really don’t have any clue why!” Rob barely heard her over the music. Besides, she was still a lot shorter than him.

Despite feeling incredibly nervous and having a large urge to flee the scene, Rob forced himself to talk to the sisters, looking out for the best opportunity to leave as soon as possible.

“Business is good, yes…? Good. Very… good.”

“Are you feeling alright, Arc?” The blue one spoke to him, calling over the sound of what appeared to be the pony version of the ‘macarena’.

Shifting around, he tried to avert his gaze elsewhere. “Yeah. I’m good. Too much food. Well, good to hear from you. See ya round!” And with that, he darted off through the small crowd of ponies, back to the table Applejack and Dash were at before.

Instead of the aforementioned ponies, he found Rarity, nibbling on a small apple turnover, and drinking a glass of red wine. Where she’d got it from, god only knew. She saw him approaching and called him over with a hoof, waving it in the air. He decided to park up next to her and watch the on-going show.

A beam of light blinded him as he sat down, and from looking, he could see that it originated from one of Pinkie’s scarily rigged contraptions, suspended from the roof of the barn.

“Not going to dance, Rarity?” Engaging the mare, he leant back against the wall and watched the humorous act continue.

She sipped at her wine, and chuckled. “I enjoy a good dance as much as anypony, but no, this time I’ll give it a pass. This isn’t really my style. You can understand that, surely?”

Rob nodded in understanding and sighed.

Rarity nudged him and smiled gently; a motherly façade shining through. “Are there problems between you and the sisters?” He gave her a worried look back. “It’s just that… you seemed really awkward just then. Is… something bothering you?”

“No…” He faced her. “Nothing’s wrong.” He paused and sighed. “Well, I don’t know what’s wrong actually. I’m just being a little girl about things.”

From the side, Rob noticed a third barrel being placed in the corner, ready to be loaded. He also noticed a rather faded Pinkie Pie, sloppily careering around the centre of the barn. The sight amused him, and he smiled inwardly, pushing all the problems to the forefront of his mind.

“What do you mean, dear?”

“As in, I’m certain that the things I’m worrying about, don’t need to be worried about. And yet, they keep on sticking in my mind.”

Rarity cocked her head. “Is this about the spa?”

Rob blinked. “Whaa?” She continued to look at him. He gave up and sighed. “Yeah…”

“One can only speculate what went on in that room, but from the way you left, all bow legged and in a hurry, I can only assume things were in some way awkward, would I be correct?”

“Yeah…”

“And… do you care to tell me what went on in said room, or am I going to have to go with my gut intuition on this one too?”

“Tch… I’d say you already know…”

“Well dear, we all have needs. Besides, I’ve known Aloe and Lotus a long time, and I can’t see them doing anything too bad to you.” She paused before leaning closer, “Did they!?”

“What!?” He looked stunned. “No! No way! Nothing bad, no!”

He sighed and looked out of one of the high windows in the barn.

“Well, that’s a good thing.” Rob felt a hoof pat him on the shoulder as Rarity spoke once more. “As long as you come to terms with these things, they’ll sort themselves out in the end.” They continued watching the dancers. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me details… as much as I’d love to know… But, you can talk to me any time, ok, Arc?” She smiled as she finished her speech. It was reassuring.

“Yeah, thanks Rarity.”

He reached over and placed a hand on her head. She followed his movement with her eyes until she was looking directly up, she then met his gaze once more as he proceeded to stroke her head, behind the ears. It took some getting used to, but after realising it was a gesture of kindness, she smiled and let it continue. Before too long though, she got up and went over to the centre of the barn where everyone was dancing, deciding to finally join in now that she’d finished her wine.

Another half an hour or so went by, and Rob was feeling the effects of the alcohol. He went to see Rose, who was sitting by herself in the corner of the room, looking drearily out of the window over the darkened orchards. She was eating a cupcake and holding a tankard in one hoof loosely; some of the liquid had spilt over the floor.

“Hey Rose!” Rob raised his arms up.

Startled, the mare blinked and turned her head to face the calling human. “Arc? Sorry, err… how are you enjoying the party?”

“Me? Just fine. Everything is… fine. Smooth and dandy, like a breeze on a summers day.”

“Right…”

“But, you?!” He moved closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “You seem like you’re not enjoying yourself. Tell me, why is that?”

She shook her head and blinked a few times. “No, I’m not, not enjoying myself! I’m just a bit tired from all the dancing… and maybe from the drinking!” She chuckled, “I’m not as young as I used to be, you know!”

Rob pulled her in close, “Awww, you’re just fine, Rose. You look very young, as I said before, I can’t tell your age apart from Twilight’s!”

Giggling, she slipped out from under his arm and stood up, back to all fours. “You’re just saying that~” Rob watched as she walked away, before turning; “Care for a dance?”

And so he danced. Badly, albeit, but he did.

The longer the dance went on, the more Rob found out that ponies and humans really aren’t compatible to dance. On the one hand, you had Rose, who seemed fairly good, and was on all fours, and on the other hand, towering way, way above the first; was Rob, a pretty bad dancer on two blundering feet. These two things did not match well.

On the bright side, any bad dancing he did, he could blame on being a cultural difference. If he told them it was good dancing, who were they to question it? And after a few laughs from the various other ponies, Rob did just that. Making a fool of himself was what he was good at. Why break a tradition?

Another hour passed in the barn, as many ponies requested a dance with the human. They found him unique, and as far as he could tell, his ‘bad dancing’ guise was paying off. More drinks were consumed, more food was eaten and more balances, lost. As Rose departed to go and drag Daisy away from Big Mac, another stepped into her place.

Twilight was the first to share the dance floor with him after Rose, and she seemed as inexperienced as him. They both shared a laugh at each other whilst flailing around aimlessly, much to the amusement of the other ponies. Twilight was not a good dancer, even by pony standards. Rob honestly had no idea if this made him look better or not, and due to three flagons of cider; he didn’t really care, either. The song ended, and Twilight went to go and aid Pinkie in reattaching the next barrel.

Strangely, Fluttershy offered herself next, and clambered into the middle of the barn to share some time with the human. What surprised everyone though, was how instead of dancing pony style, she pushed herself onto her hind legs, wobbling due to the alcohol, and gripped the humans hands in some sort of strange raised stance. The song changed to something slower, and the two paced around the barn in a silent embrace, Rob making sure not to let the clumsy Fluttershy fall over - a task made even more difficult seeing as he had to also dodge her hooves as they traipsed over the floor in an unstable, mismatched way.

He found the normal Fluttershy adorable, but this new clumsy edition was taking the cake, and upon the forth collapse, he had to pick her up and cradle her, dancing with her in his arms. He wasn’t sure what normal Fluttershy would have done, but the new lethargic one he had, didn’t seem to mind, and so, he continued on with his swaying whilst she stretched and relaxed, pressing against him as if trying to find a comfy position to sleep. Soon enough though, she had to be let go – much to both participant’s annoyance – and the party continued.

The music picked back up and a few more ponies later, the human was tired. Well, that’d be an understatement, he was exhausted. And so, he made his way back to the food table to watch the ponies go about their partying business. He smiled, thinking about his last dance; the other ponies had thought it funny to make him dance with Big Mac, and the two lumbering idiots were the cause of many a laugh from the gathered circle of ponies watching the spectacle. Rob smiled.

Despite being quiet, Mac seemed to fit in great with all of the other ponies, and this only reinforced Rob’s silent admiration of the guy. He also knew how to have fun, not that anyone would guess it from how little he spoke.

“There is no denying that this is more fun than I thought it would be.”

He giggled to himself as Lily tripped over and landed face first into one of the many beams supporting the barn. It looked painful, but she recovered well, and glanced around, hoping no one was looking.

“Well, ponies and alcohol sure are an amusing combination!”

“You should have seen Luna last Hearths Warming Eve…”

“Sounds like a true sight to behold.”

“It does not bear thinking about…”

Rob’s daydreaming was put to an end when the cupcake he was about to place in his mouth was knocked out of his hand by a very dreary-eyed Pinkie Pie, looming over him whilst standing upon the table. She appeared fairly inebriated, and Rob thought back to the last pony that looked at him that way.

“…fez…”

He looked up at her suspiciously and cautiously, concerned for what she might do.

“And whadda you think you’re doing!?” She shouted at him.

He failed to find any words to express his amazement at the situation.

“I… Ugh… What?” Was all he managed.

“You didn’t offer to dance with me! With Pinkie Pie! With me, the number one party animal in this whole place!” Her face was ominous. He couldn’t tell if her face was actually red with rage, or whether the darkness in the corner of the barn simply made it that way.

Rob backed up a little bit and found himself leaning as far back as he could, back up against the same wall from earlier. “To be fair, you were… umm… doing something else?” He blinked. “Party animal? Sure got that right… I feel like a cornered gazelle in the middle of the Serengeti desert, being stalked by a pack of lions...”

“Damn Discovery Channel. That scenario never ends well!”

“Well, I don’t want to be left out you know? And you just haven’t seen me that much since… well, ever! And I want to make up for lost time! So…” She zoned out, appearing to stare straight through him.

“Pinkie,” Rob leant forward and shook the mare, placing his frosting covered hands on her shoulders. “Are you ok? You look pretty… umm… wasted. Yup, ‘wasted’ is definitely the correct word.”

A spontaneous laughter outburst erupted from Pinkie, as she fell forwards onto Rob’s lap. “I’m just messing with you, silly!” She rolled onto her back and looked up at him. “I feel great! Fuzzy and wonderful in fact! Fuzzy-fun-tastic!” She laughed again. “I can’t remember the last time I felt like this! Was it when I visited Zecora that time and ate that plant thingy…? Or when they painted the town hall again and I was stuck inside the whole time…? Maybe it was-”

“I’m not so sure… something tells me that Pinkie is ‘very’ not ok.”

She leant in close, her demeanour changing to match that of the darkness of the barn. “But seriously, you need to spend more time with me.” Her eyes pierced his and their aqua blue serenity was all but gone, replaced with some sort of malice instead.

“Just shat myself for a second there…”

Returning to her old position, back in his lap, her eyes widened and she started giggling once more. “You should see the look on your face!” He peered down at her with an unamused expression. “There’s no need to be scared of me!” Her eyes had gone back to their usual cheerful blue.

“Yeah, I’m the funny one here…” He shot her a blank stare.

“Right. Pinkie plus alcohol equals some sort of drink-induced bi-polar disorder. Add it to the ever growing list of fucked up things I have found in Equestria.”

“Well, Pinkie,” He started, “Don’t you have other people and ponies to pester?”

She shot him a shocked look and then smiled again, “I am not pestering, I’m being friendly! Very friendly!”

“Too friendly.”

Her grin widened.

“Whelp, time for a change of scenery!”

A small yelp emerged as the human picked up Pinkie Pie and held her aloft by her forelegs. He stood up and walked over to Twilight who was in the corner talking to Rarity. The two noticed him approaching and had quizzical looks on their faces.

Shouting over the music, he made his way over to the couple with the dangling Pinkie Pie in his hands. “Sorry girls, but might I trouble you to hold onto this while I’m gone for a moment?” He draped Pinkie Pie over Twilight’s back, much to the unicorn’s irritance. She shot him an ugly look.

“Why are we looking after her?” Twilight asked. “More to the point, why does anyone need to look after her!?”

Leaving in a hurry, Rob called back to her over his shoulder, “Give it time, you’ll see!” He only heard a grunt in response.

“Ok. More drink.”

Deciding it was time for some fresh air, Arc left the barn, not before grabbing another refill of cider though. The cool night air made a change to the warmth of the barn, and a chilling breeze swept past him, clearing his head, and making him feel more awake.

He looked over to the side of the building and found a small indent in the wall. He walked over to it and sat down, leaning back into the crevice, a little more out of the wind than before.

“Peace…”

Looking over the darkened orchards, it took time for his eyes to adjust. Soon enough though, the trees were visible to an extent, and the tranquillity of the outdoors seeped into him. Everything felt far away and distant. The calm of the night was truly beautiful.

He could hear the laughter, music, and chatter from inside the barn still, and that made him smile. It was nice to know that people were enjoying themselves. He thought about how quickly he’d become attracted to these ponies, and how fast they had all bonded. He kicked himself for ever not wanting to spend the night with them.

“Well, she stuck true to her words… This is a fun night.”

He took a swig of his cider and let out a deep breath, watching it condense in front of his face. He could see the stars now, thanks to Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres giving off little to no light pollution, and it was truly a magnificent sight. Thoughts of people back home who would admire such a view ran through his head.

He leant back and closed his eyes.

“Footsteps?”

“Pinkie, I told you, stay put, I’ll play with you later…” The orchards echoed his voice a little.

“Sweet Celestia that girl is crazy…”

“Pinkie?”

“No.”

“Did he say Pinkie?”

“No, no, no…”

“Well, you’re more pink than me~”

“NO, NO, NO, NO!”

“You talk to him, Aloe~”

“Just stay still, and they won’t know you’re here…”

The hoofsteps got closer.

“Is he asleep?” One sister asked to the other.

“He only just came out here, he can’t be.” A reply was sent back.

“He won’t mind if we snuggle, then~?”

Opening his eyes, he pointed at the duo, “Hell yes, I’ll mind!” He leant forward and stood up.

Aloe turned to her sister, “Looks like he was awake.”

Her sister shrugged. “So Arc… what’s got you so flustered~? You wouldn’t happen to be avoiding us, would you…?”

The twins watched as their human prey shuffled along the edge of the barn, attempting to escape.

“Err… nothing? You just caught me off guard!”

“Then why are you still backing away?” Lotus questioned.

“Because… I ugh… I don’t really know.” He thought for a moment, “Because, something doesn’t feel right about this whole situation!”

Aloe licked her lips, “You know that my sister never got to go the whole way during our ‘special’ treatment, right~?” The two inched closer, “How do you feel about fixing that problem, hmm~?”

Aside from running into the nearby fields, Rob had no better idea than to keep on stammering and backing up from the two approaching mares. After his chat with Rarity earlier, he thought some things had been cleared up, or at least, put more into perspective, and yet, here he was, fumbling around in the dark, trying to escape a pair of sex crazed ponies. Aside from somehow ducking back into the barn and hiding behind Rarity, he could think of no other ways to avoid the situation.

“I must kill everyone. No one must know!”

He shook his head. “I feel very against fixing that problem, and… you two are drunk and so am I, and… yeah. That’s all I got!”

The two laughed, “Being drunk just makes it all the more fun~ It’s rare that we get to live like this~”

“Maybe for you two, but I could barely pop a stiffy right now-! And sweet mother of… Look, I don’t wanna talk to you two about this!” He had his arms raised for exaggeration, and he was sloshing cider over the floor.

“Playing hard to get, eh? Well, Aloe, I always did like a challenge~”

Rob was backtracking even farther, and had almost come upon the path leading up to the barn; the one he, Twilight, and Spike had walked up when they first arrived.

“Can we not just talk about this?!”

“We could, but… the more I can’t have something, the more I want it~ You know how it is…”

“Well, Aloe, as much as I completely understand that, all I want right now is more booze and… … … yup! More booze! And surprisingly, male companions… God I miss drunk talk with the guys…” Rob found himself up against the picket fence that was surrounding the building. “Heh, so, maybe another time?”

By now, the two were only feet away from Rob, and still coming ever closer, albeit, slowly; as if taunting him.

“But we want things now. No one will know if we disappear for a little while!” Lotus pushed on further. Her sister nodded in agreement.

“I’m fairly certain that everyone will notice the giant human missing…”

Aloe pouted, as Rob leaned back on the fence, making it creak from his weight. “Why are you so against this!?”

“I dunno! Nervousness! Trepidation! Fear! All of those reasons!”

“You’re… scared?”

“Err… Kinda.” He sighed, and wiped his forehead with a spare hand. “Let’s be honest here, you two are kinda intimidating…”

They looked at each other. “We are?” they spoke in unison.

“Kinda… That was all new for me, and then you go and push it again, here, tonight!? It just fucks with me…”

The two looked at each other with sadness in their eyes. “We’re sorry…”

“Just like that?”

“Well, we know that we can be pushy… and we do want it to be something for all of us to enjoy…” Aloe stepped forward.

Lotus also began to advance. “And you know, we’d prefer to stay friends with you… if possible.” She looked over to him and smiled, her giant orbs reflecting the slow glow of the candlelight flooding out of the cracks from the barn. “I dunno if we can make this right…” She laughed. “I mean, we’re pretty confused about the whole ‘refusal’ thing now though…” Her sister nodded.

“Well, when it first happened I was sort of swept up with it all, and now, I dunno… I’ve had time to think about it all, and I dunno if I can go through with it again… Sorry, girls.” He looked down at them.

They giggled and came close enough to nuzzle him. “We don’t mind. We were kind of pushy! And if you do ever want to have a roll in the hay with anypony, remember to come to us first!” Lotus patted his leg with a hoof, before looking shocked. “I-it was good, yes?”

Rob took another few gulps of cider and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He crouched down to their level and smiled. “Heh, sure was!”

He saw the sisters smile, and felt happy inside, finally having sorted a few things out – or put them on hold temporarily. Feeling it the right thing to do, he pulled them in for a friendly hug.

And you know what else,” He started. “You can bet ya flank that I’ll be coming back for more massages… That feeling was truly awesome; and as feminine as it is, I’d be, err, honoured if you’d do it again.”

The two began laughing again, joined this time by Rob, who had finally calmed down.

“Wow, it’s amazing what this much drink can do to a guy…”

“And still many more to go! Onwards!”

Lotus looked at Aloe and nodded, before turning back to the human, “We’d love to, Arc!” He only smiled in return.

They chatted for a bit longer, and finally the two headed back inside to get more drink and party with the others. It was just after this that Rob heard more hoofsteps coming from the path behind him. Turning, he saw one more silhouette steadily walking towards the barn.

“Those two don’t have some secret and widely unmentioned third sister, do they?”

“Who the hell is that?”

Deciding to just wait and see, Rob perched back down on the fence. After all, he didn’t want to ruin yet another surprise; heaven forbid that happened again.

By the time he’d finished his cider, the pale form of Nurse Redheart had appeared in front of him, looking fairly chilly from the cold wind. He waved at her as she approached.

“Evening Ma’am! Finished your shift?”

She smiled and did a small trot to meet him. “Good evening, Arc, yes I have. I trust you’re doing ok?”

He raised his arm up. “Check it out! Some spiffy princess magic and everything is good as new!” He turned and showed her his back too. “See, no gash!”

“Did you say ‘princess’?” She looked surprised. “As in, The Princess?”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yup, and no offence to you guys and your sciency medicine shit, but, bitch got skills. She made me perfect!” He thought for a moment. “Well, not perfect… but back to how I was.”

“A-and there were no adverse effects!?”

Rob shrugged. “Well, I did get impaled by a giant horn… but that’s all water under the bridge. The main thing is, I don’t have a black eye anymore!”

Redheart looked even more shocked. “A-a black eye!?” She walked up and prodded him with a hoof in some sort of weird examination type way. “What the hay have you been doing since last… Wednesday!? It hasn’t even been a week!”

Rob looked up at the stars, “Well then, let’s see… visited Canterlot, had a bar fight, set somepony on fire, got a job, had a threesome, and came to my very own, super special - I’m told, Pinkie Pie party.” He paused, “Yup. That’s everything.”

Redheart looked stunned. “A-a-a t-threesome!? And you set somepony on fire!?”

“Ugh, shit, did I say that? Yeah forget that first part. And no, not exactly, I sorta just set his hat on fire. No harm done.”

Redheart just stumbled around for words and stuttered nothing coherent in response.

“And I ugh, I really wanna thank you for helping me and Dash out the other day… I really appreciate it. So; thank you.” Rob walked over to her and threw his hoodie over her back. “So then, whadda ya say we head inside, and you can tell me all about your life instead!? Sound good, Nurse Klutz?”

She nodded, and kicked him lightly on the ankle as the two proceeded to head back into the warmth of the barn, where a fairly astonishing sight awaited.

“Go on Lily! You can beat him!”

“No fucking way!”

“Just a little more!”

“I’ve seen some things, but this blows my mind!”

“DONE!” The barn erupted with cheers.

Redheart and Rob stood in the entrance way, observing what can only be described as a pony drinking contest. Rob looked back and forth between it, and Redheart, and found a smile on her face. It looked like it was only him who was surprised by the whole ordeal.

“Is this what I think it is, Redheart?”

“Hmm, what do you think it is, Arc?” She grinned and looked up at him.

“A super-awesome-special-ultra-fuzzy-multi-pastel-coloured-pony-drinking-contest?”

She laughed and nodded, “I suppose it is!”

“We must join in – now!”

She nodded again and deposited Rob’s hoodie on a nearby hay bale, before walking over to the large circle of ponies in the centre of the barn, where Big Mac had just defeated Lily.

The music had changed once again, this time to something a little more energetic. It was not unlike some of the electronica from back on Earth, and everypony seemed so be humming, or tapping a foot to the beat. Rob seated himself in between Rose and Rarity, on the far side of the circle, whilst Redheart found a place between Applejack and Fluttershy.

Rarity felt a nudge on her side and turned to Rob, still laughing from the previous game. “Yes, dear?”

Rob thought of the appropriate way to phrase his question, however, nothing good came to mind. He simply voiced his thoughts. “Since when did ponies do this kind of thing?”

Rarity looked shocked. “Since, well, ever. What made you think we didn’t?”

“Dunno… it doesn’t fit the profile…”

“Never judge a book by its cover, Rob.”

“Ok, who’s next!?” Lotus called over the crowd noise. “Come on, I’ll challenge somepony!”

Rob looked down at his empty cup. “How about ‘somehuman’ instead!?” He stood up and walked over to her. “I’ll take you on, Lotus my dear.” She grinned, something which she returned, passing him a new flagon.

“Where do they keep on getting cups from?”

Sitting down, the human faced Lotus. She winked at him, something which he shrugged off. He was going to win this. One human does not show up proclaiming to want all the booze that Ponyville can offer, only to be beaten to the floor in a drinking contest by some pink and blue, sexual deviant spa pony. A man’s pride was on the line. He at least, under the influence of the alcohol, thought of it that way.

“You ready, girl?” The crowd watched as the two looked at each other.

“You bet!” Was the only reply given in return.

And so, to the rhythmic chanting of the circle, the two began; started off by a quick countdown from Applejack off to the side.

They came and they went. First up was Lotus, and next was her sister; Aloe. Hours passed and more drink was consumed. Music changed from one thing to the next, and soon, the hard drink was brought out. Redheart was the first to try some, claiming that ‘she needed to catch up’ after arriving late, and this only led to more hilarity.

After numerous rounds of the drinking challenge, it was firmly established that Mac was the top-gun in Ponyville where booze was concerned, and surprisingly, even Rose and Lily could hold their own when it came to facing off against the human. All in all, there was now a large number of highly wobbly ponies littering the barn, and amidst them; one human too. There were many separate games going on around the barn, from Pinkie hosting her ‘pin the tail on the pony’ tournament to a game of charades up in the hay loft, organised by a slightly inebriated Twilight.

“The room is… spinning!”

Rob though, found himself in a game of truth or dare, drastically hoping someone would dare him to eat some bacon. For some reason, he had a craving. He looked over to Twilight and did a double take.

“Charades… without… fingers?”

“Well, one more thing not to question. Not now anyway. Oww… not good, almost fell over there…”

“So… Rarity, truth or dare?” Rose asked, a little wall eyed, as if she couldn’t focus.

Pondering the question and taking a sip of her wine, she smiled, “Truth.”

“Ok then… let me see, no, no, no… I can’t ask that!” The red maned pony giggled to herself before hiccoughing. “I- I think I have it!” She rolled backwards onto her haunches. “What’s the sauciest thing you’ve made for somepony?” The flower girl giggled again and sat back on all fours.

Rarity looked taken aback, but then coughed, cleared her throat, and smiled. “Well, Rose, as much as I can’t tell you who I made it for, I can tell you what I made. And I’d like to keep this all professional, it’d be wrong to laugh at a mare’s work over childish frivolities.” She thought for a moment. “I’d have to say… Hmm… I did once design a fairly risqué Daring Do costume for somepony. Does that count?”

“Daring Do?”

The group nodded in contentedness, but Rose rolled forward again, “Have you ever made anything for yourself!? Who saw you in it!?”

Rarity smirked, “That would be telling, dear.” She sipped at her wine. “But I do believe it is my turn to ask.” She pondered a moment, “I know!” She turned and faced the timid pegasus to her left. “Fluttershy, back during the wedding, did you actually kiss Rainbow Dash?”

Everyone’s faces turned to the shy mare, all intent on knowing the answer to such a surprising question. Not even the triumphant cheer from the ‘pin-the-tail’ squad took their attention away from the statement. “You two kissed!?” Rob blurted out.

“W-well, no… umm, yes? … … …maybe.” A small embarrassed blush crept over the mares face. “You see, nothing happened, but maybe our noses touched a little bit… But, not on purpose! I-I was just… h-how did you know about that?” Whether due to the drink or the question, Fluttershy’s face was redder than ever, and she started to teeter on the spot.

Rarity shook her head, relocating a few stray locks of her mane. “I have eyes, dear, I saw from the side.”

Fluttershy only gave a small squeal in response. After drinking a little more, in her own timid way, she posed her question to the nurse pony. “Umm, Miss Redheart, do you take care of any other animals ever? Or do you only look after ponies?”

The group laughed at how tame Fluttershy’s question was in comparison to the others, and Redheart told her that she had occasionally helped out other creatures, but her job mainly consisted of caring for ponies. She could deal with generic injuries, but she specialised in ponies, and not creatures of any other decent. Rob found himself amazed, if bleary eyed, at how well Redheart took the question. He was fully expecting her to lose the plot, considering her current state.

The night drew on, and the game continued.

“Rarity, how come you haven’t mastered French haute couture stitching?”

“French whatnow?”

“What!? Fluttershy, you dare imply-!? I... I can do it if I like, it’s simply not my forte, that’s all! Why, I’ll make you a new dress tomorrow if that’s what it takes!”

“N-no, no… I was just asking…”

“Hey, Rose, you been ‘deflowered’ yet?”

*slap*

“And I thought that was a great pun…”

“I dare you to… make Fluttershy laugh by any means possible!”

“W-what!?”

“Oh, don’t worry Fluttershy, it’ll all be over soon. Rarity, nice one, I got this covered… Redheart, hold down her wings…”

“Following on from earlier, Miss Redheart, have you ever spiced a romance up with your nurse uniform? I noticed it had some ‘most likely against regulations’ modifications on it…”

“I ugh… tch… m-maybe once or… six times! But that doesn’t mean I’m proud of myself! Luna help me, Rarity…”

“I always did like nurses… Well, it’s that time again! Drink o’clock! More drink… now.”

“Say, Rose, ever shown anyone your ‘plot’, or… given them a tour of the ‘garden’? Let them smell the flowe-”

*slap*

“Ok, I deserved that one…”

“You know what? Rarity, I want you to ride Rose around the barn and gate crash the hell out of that weird… hay structure… thing! Onwards!”

“You… fine. Fine! Rose, let’s do this!”

“W-we are? I can barely walk…”

“Move, move, move!”

“Hell yeah, giddy-up cowgirl!”

“Oh! I did read somewhere that you used tail extensions, Fluttershy, *hic*, is that true!?”

“Oh, umm… no… well, only once; for the Gala that is…”

“I… Gala? I don’t really care… I’ll ask in the morning… if I remember…”

“Nurse! It’s been four hours now! What do I do!?”

“Arc, I… I really don’t know…”

“Rarity… you’d never steal my flowers for your dresses… right?”

“Rose, hun, what in the world are you asking me!? No, no I would not steal your flowers for my dresses! That’s a long way to go for some flowers…”

“Kiss!”

“K-kiss!? Who? WHY!?”

“Him!”

“Me!?”

“Him!”

“Why!?”

“I said so!”

“Fine… but only on the cheek!”

“Come to daddy…”

“I ugh… I… I… I forgot…”

Rob sat up from his slouched position. “Fuck… is that… oh sweet!” He wiped his eyes, for fear of only hallucinating what was present in his vision. “I can’t believe I blacked out there for a bit… But that! That…”

“Must. Get. To. Giant. Hay. Fort…”

Looking up, the barn was a mess. There was hay everywhere. At some point during the game of truth or dare, Rob was vaguely aware of some construct being built in the centre of the barn, reaching up to the hay loft where the game of charades had long since ended. He also recalled Rose and Rarity getting lost in it at some point…

“That is fucking cool…”

Standing at least a good four ponies tall, was a huge tower made out of many bales of hay. Somehow, looking inside, they had managed to even make a second floor, complete with a spiral staircase. The roof was pointed, and protruding from it, was a singular stack of hay, presumably meant to be a chimney.

Rob found Rainbow up above, adding what appeared to be a lookout post in the hay loft, just above the hay fort. She seemed to be creating a ‘pegasi’ wing, somewhere for them to stay within the fort.

“What the…”

“Hey, guys? Is hay not food for you? I mean, this is the human equivalent of building a house of cake, and as badass as that is… Is it not…? Umm… I don’t really know where I was going with that point…” He pushed himself up and shook off some of the hay stuck to his body. “Do continue!”

The next thing the ponies knew, or in some cases, saw; was one human lay siege to all of their hard earned work. Many heads were spinning, and this made deflecting or returning the projectiles even more hard work. One thing Rob somehow managed to notice was how the unicorns in the room appeared to have lost a great deal of magical control. He found this out fairly startlingly, when a miss-grabbed pitchfork was thrown past his head, sticking into boarded wall behind him with a sound thud.

One awkward silence later, and after one sheepish grin from Twilight, the assault was back on. Human versus ponies to start with, that was, until a small tribe of earth ponies decided to betray their pony brethren and defect to the human side, aiding him in his siege.

The main weapons of choice varied from pony to pony. The pegasus ponies thought that a swift - and highly clumsy – arial assault would work best, whereas the unicorns favoured small hay projectiles. The earth ponies and the human shared something in common though, a simple passion for brute strength and destruction, something that was if anything, helped by the copious amounts of booze in their systems.

Time went on, and after what shall always be known as ‘The Battle for Fort Dry-Grass’, the barn was in a sorry state. There was hay everywhere, and barrels rolling around amidst a minefield of fallen ponies. The place stank of booze and the only coherent ponies left were stumbling around, and checking on their lost comrades. It had been a swift and brutal victory for the human rebellion once they had occupied the ground floor.

The time read one-thirty in the morning, and Rob was vaguely aware of Big Mac coming towards him, a smile plastered on his face. Spike was riding on his back, and the closer they got, the more Rob realised what they were coming for. He owed them a promise, and it looked like the time had come to claim it.

The human looked down at his hand as it brushed past something solid. Realising he was back on the ground, he looked down to see a half drunk bottle of Applejack Daniels. He grasped the neck and looked up, feeling the world spin around him as top and bottom reversed themselves.

“So, you really wanna do this?” He slurred.

All he got in response was two nods. And that was all he needed. He grinned.

“Guys: Let’s do this!”

“…”

“And I’ll try not to throw up…”

Big Mac laughed.

“That’s always a bonus.”