Chapters The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
Where else does one start a story?
“ Where else does one start a story?”
Cake sat in the rocking chair, staring at the pamphlet, eyeing over the propaganda. She knew it was all hyperbole, and that none of the ‘benefits’ would likely apply to her. She was neither poor nor gifted when it came to anything in her life. She was already in middle school and didn't have her cutie mark, though it wasn't uncommon for every school group to have late bloomers.
Suddenly the hoofsteps of a pony coming up the road took her attention away. Dark Oak walked up onto the porch and sat down on the swing a few feet away from Cake, smiling at the mare.
Cake returned the smile and cleared her throat. “Mail’s on the coffee table, same bills and junk mail as usual,” she said as she flipped the pamphlet around.
“And what do you got there, sweetie?” asked the aged mare.
Cake's face changed to a disgruntled look as her eyes skimmed over the basic training segment and the details of long hours with low starting pay. She closed the pamphlet and stuffed it into her school bag on the floor. “Just some junk mail that came in, nothing too important,” she replied. Then she got up and grabbed the bag, and headed inside. She hadn't done her chores yet, so the house was a little messy, but not enough for her mother to raise concern. Cake walked to her room and threw her bag down beside the bed, stretching out on a chair and thinking about how little her life had changed.
She’d expected going into 6th grade would bring at least some changes, especially since she didn't have her cutie mark. But most of the kids in her school didn't seem to care, many didn't even celebrate when they got theirs. Just a simple “oh” and that was that. Throwing a cute-ceañera was for rich or noble ponies.
A minute later her mother called her into the kitchen. Cake rose from the chair. Her mother was looking through the mail and passed Cake a small letter, alongside a package.
Cake went back to her room. She sat down on the carpeted floor and carefully opened the letter. It was an official letter, like one you would get from a noble. She lifted the small white paper out and began to read it
Dear Apple Cake
Due to your family's history of involvement in the Equestrian Armed Forces, you have been selected for enrolment in the Junior Academy for the Royal Guard. Recruits will be removed from public schooling and sent to a training facility in Canterlot, where you will be trained for the next 10 moons. Depending on your natural abilities and instincts we will decide if you should receive training to be a Royal Guard when you come of age.
Cake finished the paragraph and threw the letter onto her bed. She sighed loudly. She knew what the letter was, she had gotten a few others just like it starting a few weeks ago. She hadn't told her mother about them, just said she had a pen pal project for school and would be getting letters occasionally.
She sat up and carefully put the letter into another box with the rest. The white unicorn then carefully inspected the package, looking for its weakest point before slicing it open with her magic, a trick her mom taught her for cutting out the apple core when she was younger.
Inside were a few notes, magical scrolls and another letter. She read where the letter was from first.
“Blah blah, from the Canterlot Castle to Apple Cake from Princess Celestia.”
She hadn't caught it at first, but the moment her subconscious let her know just what she’d read her eyes went wide. A signed letter from the Princess herself. Cake felt her heart begin to pound in her chest as wonder filled her mind. She squealed like any other filly would do in her situation, she squealed and she felt proud.
Dark Oak rushed into the room. “Sweetie, is something wrong? What happened?”
Cake jumped around the room as she showed her mother the letter, causing the mare to cover her mouth and her eyes to go wide, small tears falling down her cheeks while her daughter ran around the room. Dark Oak sat down hard as she re-read the name Princess Celestia over and over.
“Oh ma, A letter from the Princess herself!” Cake hugged her mother as tightly as she could and the mare returned it even tighter, never wanting to let go of her filly.
“Oh give it here, give it here!” Cake chanted as she snatched the letter out of her mother's hooves and calmed down for a second to very carefully open it, wanting to preserve the envelope.
Once she’d pulled the letter out, she began to read it aloud.
“ ‘Dear Apple Cake
As I'm sure you know, the Royal Guard has taken a very high interest in you. I've heard your family's name used more than once in conversations with Captain Eagle Eye about the next generation of Royal Guards, and your family has a very deep history in the Equestrian Royal guard that I'm sure you are aware of.
I’d like to personally invite you to…’ huh, this part is just like my other letters…” Cake trailed off. Her mother, now out of the trance, levitated the other letter on the bed towards herself and skimmed it, then she noticed the small box of letters and put the pieces together. She grabbed one out and read it, then another. “H- how long have you been getting these?” asked the terrified mare.
“J-just a couple weeks now, every 4 days... I wanted them to give me a better offer like you taught me!” said Cake, trying to reason with her mother.
Dark Oak pointed at the letter from Celestia with a hoof. “That's the best offer you could get, a fu- a… letter from the Princess herself…” As the words left her mouth she looked away, ashamed.
Cake laid the letter down on the bed and hugged her mother again. “I won't go mom, I won't leave you!” she said, as she nuzzled the brown mare’s coat.
“I'm so sorry sweetie, but… I Insist you go, a letter from the Princess is… it's your destiny,” the dark unicorn said as she whipped the tears from her eyes. “You’re gonna be a hero, sweetie, a damn fine hero! Just like your Pa.”
Cake backed away and got the letter again. “But- but this letter, it's so artificial. I mean, it's just like the other ones and-”
Oak put a hoof to the filly’s mouth and silenced her. “It's not about the terms, sweetie, it's about the signature.”
Cake looked again at the signature. It was unique, with a heart in the i and a sharp, old ponish C.
“I- I don't wanna leave, mom,” said Cake as tears ran down her face.
Her mother picked her up and cradled her softly. “I don't wantcha to leave either. It'll only be for a little while, sweetie. Then you'll be welcomed back to the town with open hooves! I might even persuade the mayor to throw a parade!” Oak said, making Cake laugh at the thought of a parade in the small town.
The two mares hugged again as Oak got a quill. Both signed the letter, and once they’d sent it off to the post office and returned home, Cake did her chores and the older mare finished some work she had left. Both dreading the day the chariot would arrive to take the filly away and mold her into a soldier.
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
"Dreaded Days"
It was only four days until a Royal Chariot arrived to pick Cake up. She gathered what little things she was allowed to take and left, telling her mother how much she loved her and that she would return as soon as she could.
The ride to Canterlot was long and uneventful. The guards pulling the chariot were quiet and so was Cake, as she realized just how hard the next couple of moons would be for her.
When she arrived in Canterlot Cake’s mane began to itch. Everypony had their noses in the air and only glanced at her to quickly snort and look away. Her mother had told her about Canterlot before, but she never knew things would be this bad.
The guards led Cake into an auditorium where she and several other candidates were waiting. All the other foals looked at her hard like she was late to class or wasn't wearing her uniform. She was guilty of both.
Cake sat down on the floor next to a stallion who took one look at the young mare and shook his head, then looked away. She sat there waiting for a while, other foals and guards came into the auditorium, either sitting on the cold floor or standing up. Eventually a stallion came onto the stage, wearing ribbons all over his chest.
“Greeting cadets and seniors, welcome to your first day of drill training. Consider this to be your orientation to the daily life of being a Guard. Each row should have a Senior who will walk you through the basics of wearing your uniform and following basic commands. Your senior should be at the end of the line to your left. Except for line 6!”
Suddenly the stallion on the stage pointed straight at Cake, who began to sweat as every pair of eyes in the auditorium turned to stare at her.
“Lieutenant Hard Tack, swap places with that mare!”
The stallion beside her stood up and shouted, “Yes, Sir!” Then he quickly turned and stared at Cake, who sheepishly took his spot as he took hers. Just like that it was over, but Cake was still shaking a little.
She turned to her right and saw a white coated stallion who reminded her of herself, only his mane was blue instead. He turned and gave the mare a comforting smile before turning back to the stallion on stage.
“Squad leaders, take the cadets outside and teach them basic drill, understood?”
Suddenly all the ponies to the left stood and shouted, “YES, SIR!” Then everypony began to get onto their hooves, so Cake followed as Hard Tack led them back outside and into a courtyard where they were put into rows by age. Cake was at the end of the line.
She learned all the basics of drill without any hiccups or much difficulty, her mother's loving discipline having taught her well to remember the commands and military slang. Soon it was sunset and the cadets were led to their quarters. Cake sat down, and immediately began to write a letter to send back to her mother about how the day had gone.
Dear Dark Oak
I already miss home and it's only been the first day of this place. Every wall here is white or grey, and there doesn't seem to be a single drop of color anywhere besides a single banner to Celestia I saw when I arrived. All the cadets in my room are unicorns and we seem to be separated based on race. I'm thankful for that since maybe I can finally get better at magic.
I have yet to talk to any of the other cadets, but they seem to be much more at home here than I ever would be. Might be due to the fact a majority of them seem to hail from Canterlot or other high class places like Manehattan, ones even from Las Pegasus going off his accent. Please write back to me soon.
Your loving daughter, Apple Cake
After she sealed the letter she went to bed, carefully tucking herself in like her mother always had, until the snoors of a familiar white stallion got her attention. He was sleeping on the bunk parallel to hers. Before she knew it, another one of the cadets threw their pillow, smacking him in the face and causing her to giggle a bit at the unexpecting stallion. He woke up dazed, and before returning to sleep tightly hugged the projectile. But at least he was no longer snoring, and with that Cake began to fall asleep herself.
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
“The Ups and Downs”
Cake was standing in a field of grass while the moon shined overhead, leading her down a cobblestone path. As she trotted through the field the path forked into two separate ones, and as she was deciding which path she wanted to walk down she felt a large gust of wind strike her back, making the hair on her her back stand on end She turned around only to see a large black cloud covering the grass, killing each blade it touched. Leading the cloud was a pony dressed in black, holding a large metal scythe.
Cake was frozen in fear as the pony began to slowly walk closer and closer, she didn't even realise she should start running until he was only a few dozen feet away from her. She chose the left path and began to gallop as fast as she could, until the path forked again and again she always chose a new direction, trying to lose the black pony, gaining momentum with every step until she ran out of breath and couldn't run anymore.
She faltered and fell down, and her skin began to tear and bruise on the stone. Suddenly she realized she wasn't a filly anymore, she was a full grown mare, her once dark brown mane now showing streaks of white and grey dripping from its roots. Then she felt her body begin to give out.
She flipped over onto her back to see the dark pony standing only a few feet away from her, like it had been keeping her pace the entire time. As it raised the scythe to cut her down she could see its face underneath its hood, its empty eye sockets seemed to stare back deep into her soul.
Just then a beam of blue light struck the pony, reducing it to ash, and the cloud dissipated. As Cake was turning to look where the beam had come from, she was awoken by the sound of a trumpet blaring.
Cake shook herself awake and she flung out of bed. The other cadets were doing the same, grabbing mirrors to brush their manes and tails or standing in line to use the room's bathroom. All together there were 4 cadets total in the room, with two bunk beds and a tan carpet.
The white mare, who was used to waking up early, didn't mind the fact that the sun hadn't risen yet or how loud the other cadets were. She simply grabbed her bag and began doing her own morning routine of brushing her mane and drinking a little water. After everypony else had their turn with the restroom she brushed and flossed her teeth and went back to sit down.
Then the squad leader bursted through the door and stared at Cake. “You, follow me.”
Cake quickly got up and followed the stallion, as the other cadets broke away from their own activities and stared at her. Once again Cake's mane began to itch at all the attention.
As she walked down the halls of the barracks she could feel that same cold breeze she had felt earlier begin to brush past her. The stallion, who she came to recognize was Hard Tack, brought her into an office room where a very intimidating older mare with cuts all over her face was writing papers. Cake was pointed to sit down in one of the chairs as the Lieutenant left the room.
“We should have given you a better welcome to the academy than we did, considering today's your first day and all the other cadets have been here for a week. Welcome to Canterlot, Apple Cake. My name is Silver Mane.”
Cake, who had her head facing the ground and was only taking glances at the mare's face, looked up to see that her name was indeed a shade of grey which looked like sliver.
“I knew your father, Golden Crest. I was his squad leader when he went to this academy, and he was one of the best royal guards to ever walk its halls, just like his mother. Your uniform is under the seat. I should tell you we will be watching your progress very closely. You may leave now little filly, and try not to be too shy or the other kids may start picking on you.”
Cake grabbed the uniform from under the chair and stood up, faced the mare and gave a shaky salute which caused the old mare to laugh before returning it to her. The white unicorn then walked back to her room and sat down on her bunk, to put on her uniform with what little time there was left before-
And just then a second trumpet sang out, and the other cadets began to make their way to the mess hall for breakfast. Cake wasn't hungry but she had to go, reluctantly leaving her uniform behind and going with the rest of the cadets.
The cafeteria was small and every part of it was a system. Cadets would grab trays that already had food on them, eat as fast as they could and drink two cups of water in under 3 minutes before being sent back to their rooms. When it was Cake’s turn to sit down, she tried the obvious method of stuffing her mouth with food and downing water to soften it up and swallow. She was done before the three minutes were up and got the approval of one of the seniors, who congratulated her for her “piggy” behavior and then followed it up with a laugh.
Cake scoffed at the insult, and was tempted to do something like loosen the ribbons on his shirt so they would fall off, but decided he wasn't worth the trouble.
During the walk back the white stallion from earlier decided to talk to her. “Don't let the seniors bother you any, they do that to get the hot headed ones to show themselves so they can break them down,” he said in a cool tone. “My name’s Shining, by the way. You’re new here, they usually don't let anypony in after the first three days…”
Cake grunted as she walked, feeling sick from having eaten so fast. “I know, and I'm beginning to think joining the guards won't make me very happy. Name’s Cake.” Cake’s words made Shining frown.
As they entered the room Cake immediately noticed that the door was cracked open, despite the fact she had shut it, and her uniform was gone. She felt a rage seep over her as she marched back to Silver Mane’s office to report the theft, and when she arrived it seemed as if Silver was waiting for her. She knocked on the door and was told to come in, then sat down and explained what had happened as Silver gave her a smile.
“Told ya not to be too shy, little filly, guess you’ll be needing to find out who done it ,” Silver Mane said, mocking her accent. “You should start by looking around for who’s wearing a uniform two sizes too small.”
All the teasing was getting to Cake. She left and returned to her room, and began looking it over. The door had been unlocked and the window was open, the sun was just beginning to rise as Cake looked out and saw no way for somepony to climb in. The gears in her head began to spin, as she realized only half the cadets in the auditorium were at the cafeteria. Outside she could hear the sound of Seniors leading another group past their door.
“Shining, I need you to cover for me, I'm gonna climb out and look for whoever stole my shit,” Cake said as she began to roll her bedsheets into a makeshift rope.
“So you're just gonna crawl past the courtyard and start barging into other rooms looking for it? What did Silver Mane say?”
Cake tied the sheet to her bedframe and threw it out the window, it wasn't long enough for her to climb back in but it was enough to prevent her from making too loud of a noise when she jumped down. “She said enough to know she wont help me, and I already have an idea on where the suspect will be.”
Cake was a pony who didn't think outside of the box. If she was told the only way to leave a prison cell would be to serve time, she would immediately jump out the window and run for it, thinking she was the smartest pony to exist. Which is what she was thinking now as she carefully scaled her way down the rope and fell into a bush.
After getting the leaves out of her mane she started looking through the windows of the rooms where the cadets had left, then quickly entered one and began to look through the drawers. All the uniforms had cuts in the sides. Next she did the same with another empty room, finding nothing again, before she realized it was likely the window was opened to look like someone had jumped out when in reality they didn't.
The young unicorn’s head began to hurt as she tried her hardest to think of a pony who would want a uniform that wouldn't fit any other cadet, and would go through all the trouble to steal it. Without any other choice she decided the only thing she could do was head back up and look through the seniors’ wing for a replacement. She left the room and trotted back up the stairs and into a new wing of the building she hadn't gone into, opening door after door looking for a clue, but just as she was opening the door to a janitor's closet she felt a hoof on her shoulder.
Turning around she saw the cold, expressionless face of Hard Tack, who looked down on Cake like he was about to stomp her into the floor. She froze as fear began to flood over her face. “Uh- uh, do you… know where uh the bathroom is?” Cake mumbled.
Hard Tack shook his head slowly. “You know damn well where it is.”
Cake started looking for a way out of the situation, as her eyes were darting everywhere. “I- I spilled water on the floor in ours and was looking for a mop… because… my family keeps our mop in the bathroom and ours didn't have one.”
Hard Tack remained unchanged as he shook his head again. “No you didn't.” Again, he stayed silent.
The trembling mare became more scared by the second. “You're right, I didn't. I lost my uniform ya see, and I was looking for it…”
Hard Tack nodded, and then an uncomfortable silence followed.
“I mean, this is a test isn't it?” Cake said.
Now Hard Tack raised an eyebrow and tilted his head a bit. “If you knew that, why would you start looking for it alone, in the janitor’s closet?”
Tack’s words made Cake embarrassed as she let go of her tension. “I didn't know what else to do…”
Tack sighed as he signaled her to follow him. “First rule of the Guard is you protect the princesses with your life, second is to work as a team.”
When Cake returned to the room her bed sheets were back on her bed, and Shining Armor was looking away from them. “You know what to do, Cake,” Hard Tack said as he left the room.
Cake sat down on the bed and faced the other unicorn, who was looking shy as the rest of the squad quietly sat on their beds. “Thanks for remaking my bed…” Cake said half shyly and ashamed.
“You’re welcome,” piped up a dark blue unicorn from his bed. “‘Cause Shining almost made it for you before I stepped in and he can't make his for shit,” he said, pointing a hoof at the white unicorn’s bed which was, to Cake, identical to his. Then he laughed which confused Cake. A head of a mare slung down from the bunk atop of hers and made her jump.
“So what did you find? Did you get your uniform?” said the yellow mare.
“She found Hard Tack, sis,” replied the blue colt.
“Well, today isn’t gonna be long…” replied the mysterious mare, cheerfully
The blue stallion turned over and Cake got a better look at him, his horn was abnormally long and his mane was already shaved to match the gladiator style of the Princess' personal guard helmets.
“So… what’s y'all’s names?” asked Cake, trying to be friendly
“That's my sister Daffodilly, That down there is Shining Armor and I'm Violet.” The twins both had red manes and matching tails with lighter red highlights. Shining Armor had a white coat like Cake’s and a neon blue mane. Cake felt generic with her mane, a simple boring brown.
“Now what's this about a short day?” asked Violet.
“They're gonna keep us in our room until lunch, then after lunch they are going to take us to the gym and have us run laps till one of us pukes!” replied Dilly.
“And how do you know that?” Shining said, coming out of his silence.
“I overheard the vipers say it when I was in the cafeteria!” exclaimed Dilly with a bright smile on her face.
The group was silent for a second until Shining spoke up. “We have a few hours until lunch, we could split up and search the senior wing for the uniform.”
“No, I already looked up there, it's empty,” Cake said.
“Our best bet is to look for clues. If it's a test, and it obviously is, they would give us a lead,” Violet said, confidently.
The group nodded in agreement and searched around the room, until Dilly raised up her pillow and found a small note. She quickly passed it over to Cake who read it out loud. “Uh, it's some kind of riddle. Leave as soon as you can, ask a pony who could, at the highest point you'll get what you had. ”
Everypony in the room lay silent for a moment before Violet spoke up. “What the hell does the note mean, ‘find a pony who could?’”
Shining armor cleared his throat. “T- the last part is pointing us to the roof, but, you can't get up there on hoof.” The group looked and each other confused while Shining stayed silent.
“Why not? that sounds stupid to not have a ladder or staircase up,” replied Cake.
“T- there is… it's just guarded by the seniors because it's close to the restrooms and offices.”
After another long silence Dilly raised a hoof. “It wants us to befriend a pegasus! All the rooms are separated by race and there is a room full of pegasi just on the opposite side of the hall!”
Cake sighed. “I just know this is gonna be a pain in the ass…”
The group decided to draw straws on who would be the pony to make friends with the pegasi, leading to Shining getting picked. The young shy stallion didn't want to step out of the room without permission, let alone go into another squad's room. After a quick moral pep talk, which involved the twins calling Shining a huge pussy and Cake telling him he had nothing to be afraid of, he finally left the room.
The poor white stallion hugged the door as he scanned the hallway looking from left to right before finally walking to the adjacent door and giving it a light knock. There were only a few shy giggles he could hear from the other side as he tried again with a little more force, then silence.
“Hello there!” said the young mare who opened the door to greet him, swaying her hips a little. Over her shoulder Shining could see two other mares battling it out with pillows.
“U-uh sorry wrong door!” he stammered, trying to back away before the young pegasus mare grabbed him and pulled him in.
Now pinned against the floor with three pegasi standing on top of him, his mind began to race trying to find a way out. “Cracker, do you still have that red lipstick?” asked one of the mares to the other, Shining couldn't make out who since his eyes were shut. There was a small pop followed by the group of mares giggling. Shining tried to move his forearms out from the grip of the mares but he didn't have the strength, and a few seconds later the young colt could feel something be wrapped over his eyes as the mares placed him onto a bed
“What should we do with him first?” giggled one of the fillies. “I say we kiss him till his coat turns red!” Shining felt his face burn hard as he began to sweat when suddenly the girls went quiet and the door opened.
Shining was sure it was Hard Tack or one of the other squad leaders but he was relieved to hear Cake. “You four do realise every cadet in this hallway can hear you right!?” she half whispered and yelled as she closed the door behind her.
The girls backed off Shining, letting the young stallion rise up and shake himself off. Cake raised an eyebrow at him. “You know Dilly is currently holding down her brother because if he was in here… well, I don't think he’d have his eyes slammed shut.” Shining didn't respond to Cake, just stayed quiet. “Well, we needed to ask you girls for a favor,” exclaimed Cake before the room became uncomfortably silent
“Yeah, yeah. What do you want?” said one mare who took the head of the group. She had a blonde mane and a light green coat with a small potion bottle followed by a purple cloud of smoke coming out of it for a cutie mark. “We need someone to get onto the roof to retrieve a uniform,” Cake said blankly. The pegasi began to snicker at her request.
“Oh we can do that, but you have to let us have this cutie for the night!” one of the other mares with a grey mane said as she bumped the shaking Shining Armor.
The colt mouthed something to Cake which she couldn't make out. As she thought it over in her mind she figured it would be a good way to get the poor colt out of his shell, and maybe build him a little confidence. “Sure, just don't eh… do anything extreme with him.”
The colt shifted from his extremely nervous posture to one of betrayal as the pegasi began to giggle again. “Deal!”
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
“Floor it? Floor it!”
Cake waited in her dorm with the window open for the pegasi to return, hopefully with the uniform, as Violet prepared Shining for his night away from home base.
“Look bro, this is a chance every other stallion would be dying for a chance to get!” said Violet.
“I- I know, I know! It's just… I already- I don't…” Shining mumbled, getting quieter with every word until Violet cut him off.
“Quit the shit… you’re not gay, are you?”
Shining shook his head. “No… no… it's just I don't want to be… to be like you!” he exclaimed. “Wait, I mean, I don't want to be a playcolt like you are.”
“So, you’re gay?” asked Violet again with a smug look on his face.
“Can you shut up?” said Dilly. “He doesn't want to be a dumbass meat head, is what he meant.”
Suddenly, A blonde pegasus flew in from the open window and laid the uniform, still in its plastic wrap, into Cake’s lap. “See you later” was all she said as she winked at Shining on her way out. Cake quickly ripped open the plastic and got to work putting it on while Shining began to take deep, audible breaths.
Cake trotted into the bathroom and began to look herself over in her uniform, it was a perfect fit right down to the tie she had around her collar. She thought about how proud her mother would be to see it on graduation day in a few months. Dilly just shook her head as she remembered doing the exact same thing with her brother when they had received their uniforms prior to entering the academy.
“Cadet squadrons one through six report to the gym immediately,” said a young stallion over the intercom. The small room began to quickly jump up and leave as Cake panicked and took off to leave with them.
Once inside the gym with all the other Cadets they were placed into rows by height, the tallest were in the front and shortest in the back. This placed Cake in dead last, making her confidence shrink.
Cake looked around the gym, taking it in and trying to distract her negative thoughts of being a filly in a room full of soldiers. The roof was completely made of glass, standing about fifty to seventy-five feet tall, by her estimates. There were these odd blue spheres around the walls that glowed and pointed to the floor that was made of an odd concrete with large cracks that felt like it had been withered away over the years. It felt very odd to her in such a pristine, state of the art, facility. Soon a senior blew their whistle and the cadets began to jog along the path in a square. Slowing down for the sharp right turns.
Dilly was in the middle watching Shining in the front trying to keep up with his row while already beginning to start wheezing, her brother was one row ahead of her keeping a steady pace before she turned around to look at Cake. She couldn't help but laugh as the stubby mare was running at full sprint just to keep up with the pack.
“FAZE 2!” shouted an earth pony stallion who had longer legs than any other pony Cake had ever seen. She was so distracted she didn't have her eyes on the track which made her trip and fall face first onto the now soft grass where once hard concrete had been. As she came to she could see the floor around had changed to that of a rolling field with small holes and hills.
Cake picked herself and continued running. She could feel a small blaze beginning to form in her lungs as the taste of iron came into her mouth. The world became just a slight bit blurrier as she continued to run around the track. She was losing speed fast, the pony in front of her went from inches, to feet, to meters away. Her row was looking back at her shaking their heads.
“Cadet, if you do not pick your hooves up I will make you!” shouted one of the squad leaders. A short unicorn mare, not as short as Cake but definitely smaller than the average guard. Cake wasn't sure if she should have said ‘Yes ma’am’ or some other rank so she just ran as fast as she could. She couldn't hear the chatter of the other cadets anymore over her own beating heart and deep breaths. But she could make out the shape of Shining armor falling behind. He was 2 rows back now and struggling just as much as her.
The seniors watching began to move around, getting into squares on the floor that lifted them upwards. The unicorns began to focus their magic as the same long legged stallion let out another announcement. “FAZE 3!”
The once square shaped track transformed into a rectangle that covered the entire gym, the floor was now ultra soft and white. The pegasi were having a field day running now, along with a single unicorn who seemed oddly at home on the white cotton candy clouds. The rest of the cadets were struggling to run, in just a few seconds the rows were gone as the pegasi ran so much faster than their comrades.
Numbers began to appear above the foals, starting at zero and going up once they crossed an invisible line. “Once you get to fifteen, leave the gym through the double doors and go into the cafeteria,” said the long pony.
After her third lap cake had slowed down to a very light jog, she was surprised to hear a familiar wheezing when she turned to see Shining beside her. Struggling to walk on the clouds. Cake was small and the lightest pony so she had an easier time, since her hooves did not sink into the clouds. She enjoyed how her hooves didn't hurt as much with the softer texture under them. Shining was another story, he began to skip which made him sink more and take longer, he tried to walk slower like Cake which was worse.
Cake was thanking the Princesses she was no longer in dead last as Shining struggled. She felt pity for the stallion, better to let the one you expect to be the weak link come in last than the stallion in his prime. The mare debated in her mind on what to do and decided light teasing would work best.
“Now you don't wanna be beat by a mare do ya?” Cake said, gasping for breath
“I've been beaten by many mares. It doesn't bother me,” Shining replied. Cake began to feel even more pity for the young stallion.
“Well you don't wanna be beat by me, it'll look terrible on your record!” was the best comeback Cake could make. Soon she had eight laps under her belt and Shining was trailing her.
There were only a quarter of the cadets left in the gym, many were close to done unlike the pair. But the seniors were watching the duo like hawks. With their ears up obviously listening in on them and their banter.
“I don’t think it’ll matter much to be honest, I've seen some chubby guards,” quipped back Shining.
“But have you seen any chubby guards with statues built of them?” replied Cake
“Now that you say it I-... I haven't.” Shining was now looking at the holes behind him and how they would slowly puff back up and how long it took, soon a smile covered his face as he had an idea. Soon the stallion began to skip in a wild way, he would put his hooves together to create a large hole and then jump forward and repeat, he would do this again and again and would loop around before the holes could fill. This doubled his speed and he quickly passed Cake again.
Cake was now on lap ten while shining was on thirteen, when she tried to repeat his strategy she was much less effective since her lighter weight ment the clouds would reform before she could lap back to them, and she wouldn't dare risk getting into Shining’s holes and slowing him down.
Worst of all, Cake’s joints were giving out. They, much like the rest of her body, were now an inferno. She was drenched in sweat and could barely move. She was fighting the urge to call it a day and cuddle up on the clouds as she kept dragging her hooves through them. Now it was just the two of them. Shining had stopped his new technique due to fatigue in his own bones and was finishing his last lap in a brisk fashion. Cake could barely see a thing with all the sweat that had dripped off her brow and down into her eyes. The seniors were all focused on the stallion. He turned just before he got to the line and looked at Cake pulling herself through the thick silky waves.
“Come on Cake, you don't want to be beaten by a nerd!” he said, encouraging the mare
If only Cake had the ego to hear him with the blood rushing through her ears. She could see his silhouette and got the wrong idea of what the stallion was doing. She thought he had already passed the line and was resting for a moment.
Shining didn't give up, he continued to try and get Cake to move faster. He went back a few feet and began to press down the cloud so the mare wouldn't have to practically swim through it all. Cake was grateful but worried that the seniors would have a problem with this, but they didn't seem to care, many were just staring down at them.
With Shining’s help, Cake was able to pass the finish line, just barely, and the two shared a hug in friendship. Even though Cake had sold out Shining for the uniform he was still willing to help Cake and the mare did not soon forget this. Together they walked to the cafeteria and sat down at the table. Each cadet was given a large glass of water and an apple to eat as lunch. They all sat quietly and only a few talked. Cake sat at the same table as the rest of their squad and chugged down her water and passed out on the table.
“Did she finish?” was all Dilly could say
Shining nodded his head and finished his food. Violet levitated Cake’s apple slowly away and swapped it with his own, already eaten apple. While nopony was looking.
“Didn't see you after the clouds showed up,” said Shining to Violet
“I uh, got behind one of the big guys and just rode off on his success,” replied the colt.
Dilly rolled her eyes. “You know, I never did care for running on clouds, always got my hooves wet”
“Earth ponies love wet hooves, puts them in the mood.” said Violet as he finished Cake’s food. Dilly gave Shining her apple with a wink which the young stallion didn't pick up.
Soon the cadets were told to go back to their quarters. Cake was barely able to limp into her own bed when they got back and she didn't move or say anything for the rest of the day. Even when Shining left to fill in his end of Cake's deal. And when the moon rose she was already in a deep slumber.
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
Cake woke up before the trumpet blared, before everypony else in the room. Her whole body hurt, her joints in particular. She could still taste the iron in her mouth as she stared at the metal bars of the bunk above her as the moonlight shinned in from the window. She could smell herself now, and she almost gagged when she did, rolling over and staring at the bathroom door, debating on if she should take a shower now, in the middle of the night, or wait it out. Then her eyes hit Shining’s bunk.
Empty, but made, the stallion was not present in the room. It made her worry for a moment. If it was late enough for her other squadmates to be asleep then he should have returned by now. Unless…
Fighting her own body’s urge to not move she rolled onto her side, it felt like her muscles had been sliced open but she pushed on, falling onto the floor. Then the mare pulled herself to the door. She almost tried to stand and open it before she reminded herself she was a unicorn. After the door was cracked open and the hallway was scanned for seniors she continued to crawl onwards, getting used to the pain and building up a small tolerance.
She didn't knock on the door but silently opened it as quietly as she could, the expensive hinges thankfully did not creak and it opened without much fuss. Inside she could see the stallion was right in the middle of the floor, coved head to toe with red lipstick kisses and wearing one of the mares uniforms going off the skirt. She would have laughed loudly at the sight had her lungs not felt like a soot filled furnace.
She sat in the hallway poking him with her magic, trying to wake him up without causing him to panic. When it proved fruitless she moved onto opening his eyelids, then pulling his tail, and finally crawling into the room and slapping him with her own hoof.
The stallion could have been considered legally dead at this point, had he not been softly snoring. She couldn't pull him out and back into their room, she couldn't wake him, and she wasn't clever enough to think of any other ways to get him out so she left him there.
Once she was back into her room she used her conserved strength to crawl back into her bed and head-started her morning routine by brushing her hair and brushing her teeth. Then the trumpet rang out.
Cake got up and walked slowly into the bathroom, laid down in the tub and turned on the water. Just when she relaxed the door she forgot to lock opened and in walked Dilly who didn't pay a lick of attention to her.
“Do you mind?” groaned Cake
“No,” replied Dilly as she began to brush her mane out in the mirror.
“Fine, but if your brother comes in here I'll put him in the infirmary,” replied Cake
“Now don't tempt me,” replied Dilly. “Seen Shining?”
“Yeah… still in cloud nine.”
“Do you think he’s gay?”
The question made Cake’s mane itch, she wasn't a fan of gossip and neither was she interested in humoring Dilly. She remained silent as she leaned back in the tub. Dilly didn't bother to continue the small talk and finished up before leaving.
Once Cake left the bathroom, her mane brushed and dried., Shining still wasn't back and Violet wasn’t up either. There were no seniors marching through the hallway and there was no chatter heard in the other cadet halls.
“Is uh… Violet awake?” asked Cake
Daffodilly climbed up the ladder and smacked her brother's chest and then a look of shock came over her face, which changed to horror. Quickly she panicked and jumped up on the bed and checked his pulse.
“He… never sleeps in…” mumbled Dilly
Cake rolled her eyes “And I never skip the brussel sprouts.” She opened the door and didn't waste time moving to the pegasi room and barging in.
“What was for dinner last night?” Cake said in a worried tone.
“Oh we uh… didn't have dinner? They said it would be better to eat in the morning after our… workout,” Dilly said with a shrug.
“Yeah well, nopony is up in ANY of the rooms!” Cake said nervously. The mare was struggling to stand but she had bigger problems on her mind.
“When we give you a meal you eat it! Not just a little bit, the whole thing. Now you two get to help move the sleepers,” he said angrily while the two fillies stared at each other.
“And you won't be able to participate today, so you automatically fail… which will not be good on your record, Cake,” he followed up. “Now get Violet down from up there without breaking his neck and move him into the hallway.”
Just past Hard Tack’s shoulder Cake could see another senior mare pegasus opening the door to her own squad’s room. She shook her head and knew that somewhere, somehow, somepony was laughing.
“Out of all the cadets it just HAD to be this one,” she said when she noticed the young stallion laying limp in the middle of the floor. “Hey, we got a situation over here,” she said to another senior.
Soon there was a small gathering of guards shaking their heads at the sleeping colt while murmuring to each other. Cake and Dilly looked at each other, waiting for the other to say something as Hard Tack went to see the commotion.
“Celestia damn it! Silver Mane is gonna be up my ass now. You two wanna tell me why the hell your squadmate is sleeping in another squad's room, covered with kisses from his hooves to his horn, wearing a MARES UNIFORM!?” Hard Tack’s rage hit its peak as he wrapped up his rant.
Dilly pointed a hoof at Cake. “Her idea.”
Cake glared at Dilly for a moment before returning her gaze to Hard Tack. “He- well- we needed to make a deal and-”
Hard Tack cut her off. “So you sold the poor nerd’s virginity to them?”
Cake went red. “No no… I mean, they didn't actually-”
One of the other seniors cut her off in her stammering. “Well he doesn't have any kisses on his belly so… he seems clean to me. Move him to the infirmary, he can't go into the test looking like this.”
“I didn't think they would do anything serious with him!” Cake blurted out.
“The stallion sticks his neck out for you twice and you do this to him… you're never going to make it past third week,” Hard Tack said as he turned and left the room. Dilly was already working on getting her brother off the bunk as the other seniors pulled away Shining from the pegasi’s room.
Once all the bodies had been moved into the hallway the seniors loaded them onto carts and hauled them off. Cake and Dilly sat in their rooms and stared at each other.
“So… what do you think the test would have been?” asked Cake.
“Forest navigation. They would have dropped us on the other side of the mountain and seen how long it takes for us to get back to the city…” Dilly said as she leaned back in her bunk and stared out the window.
Cake was silent for a moment, and followed Dilly as she leaned back in her own bed and grabbed the letter from the night before, pulling it out of the envelope to write more into it.
P.S. I suck at making friends, already I've used a pony for my own gain without thinking of what would happen to them. At this rate I'm more likely to get kicked out of here than I am to see Graduation.
“Mother or father?” asked Dilly.
“Mom,” replied Cake.
“That's good. My dad wants us to write a full fourteen page report of what happened through the week with each day being two pages long,” Dilly said as she closed her eyes.
“So… have you started on yours?” asked Cake.
“Fuck no, and my brother is already on his eight,” Dilly said with a tinge of hate in her voice. “I didn't write one for last week either.”
“You don't even want to be here, do you?” Cake asked. Dilly pointed to her cutie mark. It was a basket, half made with the other half being assembled.
“I’m literally a fucking basket weaver. I loved making them when I was a filly, having a basket on you at all times lets you hold so many things you could never take with you if you have hooves. From flowers to rocks all the way to the materials you would need to make another straw basket,” Dilly said with regret in her voice.
“I used to always have my saddlebags with me, carried around a sheath to hold my yardstick I cut into a spear with a duct tape handle,” said Cake, trying to find common ground.
“I hate this,” said Dilly. “I hate this place, and everypony in it. I wish I was back home in Ponyville.”
“You're not talking about the Academy, you're talking about Canterlot,” Cake picked up.
“The days when me and my brother were still living in that orphanage were the happiest ones in my life, and I always took them for granted. He wasn't as much of a hot head wannabe guard and we would get into all sorts of trouble. One time we went into the Apple family’s orchard to steal apples, just because we could, and we were caught in a net trap. Turns out the trap wasn't even for us, it was for some tall tale apple family ghost they were trying to capture or some hillbilly shit like that. Ended up making the two best friends a little filly could have… Then we got a fucking letter in the mail some noble from Canterlot had adopted us… My brother was so happy to finally get a family… Then we got a bitch of a mom who only wanted us to brag and a dad who wanted us to become guards or he wouldn't feed us,” Dilly vented.
“Fuck… Sounds like life hasn't been fair to you,” Cake said, at a loss for words.
“And my brother… he just ate it up, thinking that being a guard would be his calling in life, he doesn't have his cutie mark yet,” Dilly said, reminding Cake she was also a blank flank.
“What are you gonna do?” asked Cake.
“After we graduate, or get kicked out, I'm heading to Ponyville. I’m old enough to get a proper job now, and I can change my identity with a quick manecut… Lots of basket weavers in Ponyville…” answered Dilly.
“Appleloosa could use one of those, we have plenty of farmers but nopony to make much equipment,” said Cake.
There was a knock at the door as Silver Mane entered the room. “You two follow me, since you're not going to be doing surprise forest navigation you’re going to at least practice some magic.”
Both the fillies followed the mare as she led them up into the senior level, then in a large room. Bookshelves and wooden tables made it clear the room was a large library, focused on every type of book a guard in training should read to become the best. Silver Mane levitated one of the many books off a shelf and laid it on a table as the two fillies got comfortable in their seats, and promptly left the room.
“So… any good at magic, Cake?” asked Dilly as she read the cover of the book.
“No, I only know two spells. Levitation and, uh, a family spell my grandmother invented or made? Like I said, I don't know magic.”
“Family spell? Like what?” asked Dilly.
“Oh, I can cut things with my magic, not too hard to summon up but it's only good against things like fruits and stuff,” said Cake calmly as she went down the first page about the types of dangers one can face when being mugged on the street or resisting unlawful arrest.
“Woah! So do you, like, cut a small slice and pull it apart or can you make knives and stuff?” asked Dilly as her eyes opened in excitement.
“Oh it's a knife, I guess, Grandma used it to open up cans of food and stuff. I think…” Cake trailed off as she remembered how little she had known about her grandmother, her mother hadn't told her much as she hadn't known much about her either.
“Alright, the first spell here is a field destabilizer, apparently it can uh, fuck up the fields of magic that come from our horns for a bit, making to so neither the caster or the affected unicorn can cast spells. I say we try this last,” Cake said as she flipped the page onto something else. “And this one is about purifying water… this one is about how to change the flavor of grass so you don't get tired of eating it… and… oh! This one’s called ‘Cannon’ and apparently it's used to throw things, but like, really hard,” she said, reading through the book.
“Alright! Let's look around for something to throw, and something to hit,” said Dilly as she scanned the room. Her eyes landed upon a pencil holder, filled with sharp no.2’s and a large can to hold them in. She pulled out five pencils and laid them on the desk, and placed the can on an adjacent desk.
Cake got up and grabbed a pencil with her magic as she held the book open to her right and the pencil to her left. She fired the pencil in her magic and it flew through the air, until it lost height and fell under the desk, landing under a bookshelf. She scratched her mane embarrassed as she gave the book over to Dilly.
The other unicorn aimed her pencil higher and focused on the spell with more intensity, when she let go the pencil flew like an arrow and pierced through the tin can with ease, leaving a large hole behind until it stopped halfway through the glass window overlooking the courtyard. Both fillies looked at eachother, eyes wide, which only went wider once Silver Mane suddenly returned to the library.
“Nice job, you two, now I'll have to call in the janitor to fix this.” The Mare turned her head and whistled, and in came a young unicorn stallion who spotted the pencil and glared at the two fillies before trotting over to the glass. With a few pulls the pencil came free and he focused his magic on the hole. The glass reminded Cake of two slices of cheese in a frying pan melting and coagulating into one solid mass. The unicorn then pulled a ruler out from his toolbelt to make sure the glass was flat before leaving with his nose up.
“Now, were you two to use any more spells like that, please do so while aiming at the target dummies in the courtyard. It's a terrible look for two very capable ponies such as yourselves to need somepony to clean up after you.” Silver Mane passed Cake a small blue ribbon along with a bar to place it on as she left.
“Uh, what do you think this is for?” asked Cake as she looked the ribbon over.
“For getting your uniform back, probably, but don't go showboating to everypony because, like, half the other fillies have the same one,” Dilly said, obviously upset she didn't have hers yet.
“Uh, okay,” Cake said as she carefully tried to place the bar and the ribbon on her chest.
“You’re doing it wrong! See how it’s sagging, and really uneven… Just take the blouse off and I’ll put it on for you!” Dilly said as she pulled the ribbon away from Cake in her own magic. Cake complied and did as she was told, taking off the blouse and laying the requested items down beside it on the table. Dilly got to work pulling small pieces of thread, needles, and cardboard out of her pockets and expertly attaching ther bar, then the ribbon, onto the blouse using the cardboard to keep it from sagging down.
“Wow, thanks, I wouldn't have thought of that,” said Cake as she looked over her now slightly more impressive shirt and slid it back on.
“First one’s free!” exclaimed Dilly as she picked back up the book and headed back outside, leaving the pencils and can to their fate.
[ed]
Outside the noon sun flew right above to the center of Equestria and shone down on the pair as they continued to practice their new spells.
Cake swapped out the pencils for blunt training spears as Dilly used an empty blackboard to keep score. Silver Mane watched them from a distance as the occasional guard would come out to talk to her for a few seconds before running off.
“You still haven't figured out how to use the spell right?” asked Dilly as Cake’s magic struggled to stay focused on the heavy spear after using so much magic.
“Yes I have!” replied Cake as her horn flared and threw the spear at the training dummy, overshot and hit it straight in the head, pushing the neck back as the spear flew past the straw filled pony and into a safety net.
“Yeah, it looks like it,” said a voice behind them. Shining Armor walked up the fillies back in his own uniform and no longer covered in lipstick kisses. He picked up the book and went over it, searching for the spell the two were using as Cake thought of something to say.
“Hey! Uh, Bro… Sorry about what happened last night…” said Cake as she scratched her mane and looked around frantically.
“It's cool! Don't worry about it!” replied the colt as he picked up a spear and got into position.
“Well I owe you one either way, and probably another one on top of it for helping me at the track,” Cake said as she watched Dilly add Shining's name to the chalkboard. Then add another zero under Cake’s score, making the mare sigh.
“Alright, this spell seems easy enough to replicate,” said Shining.
“Beginner’s luck!” teased Cake as she smiled and levitated him a bow and quiver. “Let’s see you try that again with something a bit foreign.”
Bows were indeed foerign to ponies, griffins had mastered the use of a bow while ponies preferred throwing spears and magic, only in recent history were bows added to pony armories. Shining picked the bow up in his hooves as he sat down, not sure how to hold it he clasped the bottom of it in his grasp as he loaded an arrow in with his mouth while the mares watched. He pulled back and kept one eye closed as he zeroed in the target and let the arrow fly. It hit its mark perfectly as the two scratched their heads on how he pulled it off again. The target was only a good forty feet away but it was still impressive to the small group watching him, if you counted Silver Mane who looked rather impressed at the sight.
“Alright you three, since you seem to be naturally in competition to see who's the best, how about we make this more challenging?” The mare put a hoof to her mouth and let out a low whistle as the janitor from before pushed out a large rack of old rusted armor that had been made for either a full grown Cake or Shining Armor. “Put these on, grab the spears and whoever can get a bullseye and hold it against the other two won’t have today’s, or last night’s incident put on their training record,” Silver Mane said as she raised her muzzle up and smiled at the trio.
The group looked at each other and then put on a unified grin as they each raced to the armor rack. Shining strapped on his first, the armor fit him like a glove as he trotted around in it, getting used to its weight. Dilly had to put on her straps extra tight to prevent the armor from sliding around, It was clear its weight was making her awkward. Cake was the last one to make her way to the javelin line, her helmet obscured her vision and the nose guard had to go over and hug her nose. The steel horseshoes were not her size and she was forced to leave them behind as Silver Mane shook her head in disapproval. She hadn't seen the straps for the armor but it didn't make much difference as she wasn't able to move anywhere near fast enough for it to slip off.
“Shining, since you seem to have the best aim, why don't you go first?” said the older mare as she took out a notebook and pencil.
“Yes ma’am!” Shining replied enthusiastically, he grabbed a javelin from the rack and got into position a few feet back from the farthest white paint line two-hundred feet from the target. After a brief running start he raised himself up on his back hooves as he flung the javelin in his magic, landing just a few inches shy of the red deadzone.
“Very good, you go next Cake,” Silver Mane said as she watched the young mare stumble to the rack. Cake wasn't sure what the difference between a spear and a javelin was, mostly because she could only see the different colored grip without looking up. After picking her preferred color, purple, she moved to the line and tried to stand on her back hooves like Shining had done. But her back hooves were in no way fit to handle the massive weight of the armor, making her fall onto her stomach and the spear hit the ground.
“Uh- just gotta see if the grass is good first!” she blurted as she pretended to inspect the white painted grass before standing back up and grabbing her spear in her hoof, her horn tired from the previous failed contest. After raising her helmet up to see and stretching her hoof she raised the spear up and her shoulder back and threw it, using the full power of her body to toss it.
The spear only traveled half the distance before it fell onto the grass and slid to the second white line on the grass. “Not bad Cake, you were never expected to get it above your head,” Silver Mane said as she walked close to the mare and removed her helmet.
Cake could feel the pressure behind her eye ducts as she looked away and walked back to the rack to put her armor back. She didn't bother to watch the rest of the competition as she walked back inside before the tears made their way past her last shred of pride. Both her squadmates watched her with empathy as opened the door and slowly made her way up the stairs and back into the barracks.
Once she made her way back to her bunk she sat down and opened her unsent letter. She reread it once, then twice, then after a long moment of silence she began to write more to it.
P.P.S. This isn't going to work, I'm sorry to let you down ma but I'm just going nowhere. I'm not going to waste another day here playing pretend and getting laughed at like a failure. I’ll probably get kicked out of here before this letter makes it past the post office but I hope you can forgive me.
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
Cake had finished drying her tears and was trying to think of her next move before she would be allowed to mail the letter as Shining walked in the room and sat down on the adjacent bunk.
“You okay?” was all he could think to say as Cake dodged his gaze. The mare did not respond as she placed the envelope back under her mattress and stared out the window.
“I don't mean this in any cruel way, but you were never supposed to do well here, Cake,” Shining said, making Cake turn her head and glare at him. “The tests they give us are about defining your character, not your abilities. You're the youngest, shortest, and the least likely to have any experience as a guard.”
Cake bit her tongue as her shame turned into rage. She wanted Shining to finish whatever he was saying and go back down to the courtyard but instead he continued.
“The only reason I'm doing decently here is because I was training for a full year before I got accepted to come to the academy. I can help you if you want me to, Cake, with the four of us we are only as strong as our weakest-”
Cake knew the next words and cut him off. “Weakest link, huh? Yeah I guess we all can't be perfect like you. Well, it would probably look amazing on your record when they see you were willing to help out your stubby excuse for a squadmate.” Cake stood up and turned to leave the room before she stopped at the door, while Shining remained silent. “I still owe you one, just one, you probably have about a week to cash in before I get kicked out of here.”
Shining watched the filly leave as he let out a long sigh, and started to look out the window himself as he heard her steps dissipate down the hallway. Cake walked back into the library and picked up an odd assortment of books about magic tricks and optical illusions as she plotted her way out of Canterlot and back home to Appleloosa. After a few hours of practice and refining her technique she went back to her bunkroom to see Dilly and Shining were both there in the room, the sound of running water coming from the bathroom.
“Violet back yet?” Cake asked, looking at Dilly.
“Uh, yeah, he’s in the bathroom getting the mud and grass out of his mane,” Dilly responded from her top bunk as Cake slid into her own.
Cake lay down and pulled her blanket over herself and got comfortable to sleep, before she briefly opened her eyes to see Dilly hanging her head down and staring at her.
“What do you want?” Cake asked, annoyed.
“It's only like two pm, don’t you at least wanna eat lunch?” Dilly asked, confused.
“I’m not hungry,” was all Cake said as she rolled over and faced the wall and closed her eyes. Dilly raised her head and went back to her own business, leaving Cake to her rest.
Cake awoke sometime later, dehydrated and confused as her ears perked up to the sound of banging on the door. She threw off her blanket and looked around, the light had been turned off and the room was empty. Another barrage of bangs were audible from the other side of the door as she stood up and opened it.
“Where the hell have you been! You better have been stepping out of the bath missie because if I found out-” Silver stopped herself as she looked down at Cake. The mare was a mess, with dried tears streaking from her eyes down to her chest, her frazzled unkempt mane shooting off in every direction and her slump, uncaring eyes staring up blankly at Silver Mane.
Silver Mane stopped for a second, dead in her tracks out of either shock or disgust, same thing in Cake’s eyes, as her jaw slightly opened and she eyed over the filly. “Wow, you fall one time and you hit rock bottom. A trait that runs in your family…” After she completed her inspection she raised her muzzle up and snorted. “For the last four weeks we sent constant letters to known… offspring of former guards, such as yourself. When you refused to respond Celestia almost took it as an outright act of protest from your family, due your father’s ‘accident’ while serving in the frozen wastes.”
Cake was half awake before but now her eyes were wide open. “ACCIDENT!? Is that what you fucking call it? You left him out there to die! He would have if it wasn't for my mother!”
“He fell into a ravine, fifty feet drop, the captain thought he was dead!” Silver Mane said, flustered.
“Is that why the captain ordered him to cross that fucking bridge in the first place? Or maybe it was when the same fucking captain ordered the other guards to leave him behind!? Fuck you!” Cake slammed the door in rage as she returned to her bunk and stared at the bars above her. Silver Mane took a deep breath and trotted away, deciding the mare had been pushed enough for one day.
Cake pondered what Silver Mane thought she was doing bringing that up. She had known the senior was pushing her emotions for whatever messed up test the guards did on the foals here, but to go that low? Her mind rolled it over before it landed on one conclusion. This was not a test anymore, it was personal. From the uniform, the teasing, the courtyard test, to now. Whatever history her father had with Silver Mane had been bad, enough so to lead to it being casted down to her, and she was not going to let Silver Mane get the last laugh. After bringing out her letter for the second time that day and inking out the P.S.S., Cake would not be leaving the guard yet. She would not let Silver Mane win.
Cake had skipped last night's dinner along with lunch and the night before’s dinner. She was starving as she woke up in the middle of the night, her head throbbing from dehydration. After a look around the room to see the rest of her squadmates still sound asleep she decided to run to the cafeteira and catch her missed meals. She got up and walked out of the room and down the flight of stairs to see the dimly lit, empty mess hall in front of her.
She wasn't trying to be loud nor quiet as she trotted in and looked around for any leftovers or food that had not yet been cooked. The line where cadets would grab their trays had been scrubbed down and the metal boxes empty as she made her way to the back and into the kitchen. The inside seemed just as empty until she laid her eyes on the freezer door. Approaching it she expected it to be locked but as she turned the doorknob it opened and she stepped in.
Many of the boxes were bland foods, or oatmeal. Then generic cereal, eggs, and a single box labeled apples. Cake was pretty competent in the kitchen, sometimes needing to make her own lunches and breakfast, so to her nothing sounded better than an apple omelette as she grabbed a carton and two Granny Smiths from the freezer and moved back into the kitchen.
After a quick scan her eyes landed on a stove, and a pink apron with white hearts patterned across it laying on top of the burner. Some deep internal desire called to her as she laid down her supplies and inspected the apron, before she knew what she was doing it had already been tied around her neck and back. After making sure it wasn't dragging on the ground she returned to cooking her meal, cracking open the eggs and slicing the apple apart with her magic then throwing said slices in the forming yellow paste.
Hoofsteps alerted her to someone coming in as she turned her head and saw another foal standing in the doorway, getting closer. She panicked, trying to think of where to hide, to throw away the apron, to pretend she was a midget chef until the figure was standing on the other side of the counter watching her, eyeing her down in surprise as Cake realized who it was. It was the pegasus from earlier she had made the deal with. Her blonde mane almost as much of a mess as hers.
“What are you… doing?” the pegasus whispered as she trotted past the counter and closer to Cake.
“I’m making breakfast! What does it look like?” she whispered back.
The pegasus was silent for a second as she looked at Cake’s omelette. “Why are you wearing the apron?”
“You're supposed to wear these when you cook something!” Cake half whispered as she tried to flip the omelette, using the pan to throw it up into the air until it came down and landed half into the pan and half out, spilling its contents onto the stove.
“Well cook me one too, I'm starving!” the pegasus said as she stared down the omelette in the pan.
“Well go get the stuff you want in it from the freezer and I'll be more than happy to!” Cake said, delighted to get to make a new friend with her underappreciated cooking skills.
The pegasus trotted off and returned with a few boxes as Cake finished hers and put it onto a tray. She’d returned with an odd assortment of cans, boxes of different brands of bland cereal, and an apple masher, made for obviously making apple sauce.
“You want me to just throw all this in the pan!?” Cake said, a bit worried of the mare in front of her’s diet.
“Uhhhh, yeah?” the blonde pegasus responded, rolling her eyes and brushing her mane out of her face with a hoof.
Cake shrugged and got to work, throwing what she could fit into the omelette until she realized it could be flipped, so she just cracked more eggs over the whole thing. After she had very carefully flippeding it with her magic and placeding it onto the tray, the pegasus grabbed it with a smile and flew over to one of the tables and began to rip it apart with her teeth.
Cake took off her now messy apron and grabbed her omelette as she trotted over and sat down with the other, watching the animal in front of her rip apart her eggy prey. Cake didn't judge her because she was about to do the same, picking her meal up in her telekinesis and taking large bites out of it. In a few seconds it was gone and she was still hungry.
“I’m gonna make another one, you want seconds?” Cake asked as the blonde mare looked up, her mouth full of trash, and eagerly nodded before returning to her pile of food that shouldn't be cooked and food that should be eaten alone.
Cake was working on another omelette as her new friend came back into her workstation and poker-faced. “Why did you put it back on?” she asked, holding back a laugh.
“It's proper for a chef to wear an apron!” Cake protested.
“Alright, fine, but I'm gonna make my own to speed things up. And to get the proportions right,” the pegasus said as she stretched out one of her wings to turn on the burner for her side of the oven.
“What's your name?” Cake asked with a smile.
“Yellow Diamond,” the mare replied with a nod. “But my friends usually call me Mond-y.”
Cake raised an eyebrow. “Mondy, huh. It's catchy.”
Before they knew it, both the mares were laughing, telling jokes, and enjoying each other’s company as they threw and ate as much food as they could stomach onto their pans. Until a loud stomp was heard right behind them. Both the fillies looked at each other, eyes wide, as they slowly turned to face a large pegasus senior.
“Well well well, what do we have here. Two piggies stuffing themselves on their fellow cadets’ food. What will the others think in a week from now when we tell them they can't eat because you two ate for them?” she said as she got closer and turned the stove off.
“But I-” Cake mumbled before a hoof came too her lips and silenced her.
“Now, now. I don't wanna hear any excuses for why you deserve to eat more food than the other foals. Now clean this up. Right now. And get ready to make breakfast for every cadet who's about to march out here in ten minutes. Today's menu items will be your specialty, little unicorn! Apple Omelettes.” The senior said with a devilish grin as she trotted back around the counter. “And you better not think about taking the apron off.”
The stale tale of Cake, the dumbass!
Both of the fillies stared at each other in panic as they raced back and forth from the kitchen, the stoves, and the counter, placing and making as many apple omelets as they could. They had barely made five by the time the first wave of cadets came into the mess hall. Before Cake could finish stuffing the one in front of her the five trays had already been taken as cadets and seniors began to wait impatiently for more to be made. The blonde pegasus who she had been roped in was going around turning on all the stoves and burners she could while throwing eggs shells and apple skins behind her. Cake was preparing as many apple slices as she could while desperately trying to keep her own stove in order.
“What's taking so long!” said one of the earth pony seniors from behind the counter.
“Uh, nothing sir! We will have more trays out in just a second!” Cake pleaded.
“Not good enough,” the orange coated senior said as he turned over to the four other cadets who had just finished their food and were sitting at their tables, silently waiting to be dismissed. “Go help the mares!”
“Yes, sir!” they all said in a chorus as they quickly rushed into the kitchen like robots. Even without horns or wings, a single earth pony seemed to be more efficient at preparing and cooking than the two fillies were together. In a few minutes omelets were going out just as fast as they were being taken and soon the cadets, along with the help, had left as both fillies used the small window of time to keep up with the next wave.
Sadly, even with the extra prep time, the pair were falling behind as the wait for each cadet got a bit longer. Cake was covered in apple juice and eggs shells at this point, as her horn glowed like a flare, trying to keep up with two full ovens and preparing omelets to replace cooked ones on the skillets, without any butter or oil. Nearly all the skillets were covered in burnt egg, that only charred and blackened as time went on. The kitchen went from a clean, nearly chemical smell to one of burning food and ash as a thin layer of smoke began to form.
“This is… fine...” Diamond began to repeat to herself. She was in a very similar spot to Cake, without the assistance of magic to help her.
“Honestly everything is under control,” Cake said, her eyes wide like pilot lights, while the other foals stared at her from behind the counter, waiting for their breakfast in disbelief of the mess they were watching happen before their eyes. The group took longer than the last one but by the time they were out Cake looked over her shoulder to see Diamond staring at a blackened mass smoking on a stainless steel pan.
“Uhhh… we might have a problem over here!” the pegasus said as she watched small flames begin to rise.
“Shit! Why are you just standing there!” Cake yelled as she rushed over to the sink and filled a glass with water.
“Uhhh! W- what do I do?” Diamond stuttered as she backed away.
Cake got in close to the stove as she tilted her head and poured in water, her horn unable to do so from exhaustion from handling her own stove. The situation went from bad to horrible as the water made contact with the grease and shot flames over the filly, covering her mane and face in an instant. Her eyebrows and eyelashes were vaporized along with the left side of her mane as she jumped back from the incendiary explosion, screaming. Then Yellow Diamond was screaming. Then the final wave of cadets were screaming.
In seconds the unicorn seniors jumped over the counter and contained the fire in their magic along with the embers in Cake’s mane. Before she could pick herself up some other senior beat her to it and placed her on their back, then galloped to the med bay.
[ed]
The under qualified nurse ran around the room, pulling bottles from the cabinets along with pills and magical scrolls while the medium rare unicorn moaned in pain on the bed. Her mind was in a constant scream as her flesh tried to reshape with the help of the elixirs she was downing left and right. Before long she chugged something she wasn't supposed to and fell into a daze, before going limp and falling back onto her pillow as the world around her became a distant memory.
Her mind was restless as it threw her through short dreams trying to explain her pain to her consciousness, most being something along the effect of getting hit with a mane strainer or being left to cook under the Appleloosa sun. when she awoke some hours later, her eyes felt glazed and her head throbbed only a little less than it did before. When she finally regained her focus she was surprised to see Yellow Diamond’s head laying on the bed watching her, with large sad eyes which had clearly seen tears along with a deep, mournful frown.
“I’m so sorry!” the pegasus blurted out.
Cake scanned the room as she realized where she was. “What the hell happened?”
“They said you threw water onto a grease fire, basically does the exact opposite of putting it out,” Diamond said as she scratched her mane and looked over at Cake’s.
“Can you get me some water… and a mirror, please?” Cake mumbled.
Yellow pulled a small golden heart from her mane and opened the clasp for Cake. Inside was a photo of an older mare, similar in appearance to Yellow Diamond but with a unicorn's horn and grey hairs through her mane. On the other side of the heart was a small mirror, just big enough for Cake to see her face in. After some adjusting, Cake looked herself over. The left side of her mane was gone. Her skin, luckly, looked without any serious burns and would heal up just fine.
“Ugh, I look like an emo!” said Cake as she messed around with her mane, trying to see if she could pull her old traditional style back with what little of it she had left.
“Nah, you look punk! I think it looks cooler than it used too… honest!” Yellow said as she tapped her front hooves together.
“Maybe there is something for manes in one of the cabinets in the washroom for helping it grow back faster…” Cake said as she raised a hoof and signaled for the pegasus to go check.
After a quick nod, the filly trotted away and returned with three bottles. Cake was still in a haze and bothered not to read them as she rose from the bed and went into the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her she opened all three bottles and proceeded to rub the slime contents all over the cooked remains of her mane, almost crying as it made contact with her sensitive, pink scalp. After five minutes of scrubbing, she dried her mane off on a towel and was very surprised to see green, purple, and blue stripes left on it. Then she turned over to the mirror and saw herself.
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” shouted Cake as she chased Yellow Diamond around the room, squirting the three tubes of paint at her.
“Please stop! I didn't mean to! I really thought it was medicine- or- something!” Yellow pleaded as she flew around the roof, dodging attacks.
“YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY!” Cake threatened.
Just as the unicorn trapped the pegasus into a corner, the sound of the door banging against the wall stopped them in their tracks as in stepped Silver Mane. She surveyed the scene for a second as she stared at the two, who stared at her in turn.
“Ah, childhood. Glad to see you are up and moving about, Cake,” the old mare said as she smiled warmly at the pair. “And Diamond, I'm sorry to say your squad's senior had to take some administrative leave after the… Leaving-two-fillies-unsupervised-in-a-kitchen incident. You will be integrating in with Hard Tack’s squad since you already have acquainted yourself with two of its members…”
Cake turned around and looked at Diamond as a malicious grin began to cover her face, while the other filly's eyes went back and forth from Silver Mane to Cake.
“Fine… come with me, let's get you back to your room.” Silver gestured at her with a hoof to follow.
Cake would have her revenge for this. She had, after all, an entire library of spells she could learn made for revenge in some way, shape, or form.
