The Pony Protection Agency

{Alex}

I woke up and when I saw that Princess Twilight was gone I didn't panic. I assumed she went to go meet up with Violet and the others. So I got dressed and locked the door to my room as I left. Before I could even get to the cafe, I got a notice that I had a phone call from Mary.

"Hello." I said.

"Alex," said Mary. I could tell by the sound of her voice she was very upset about something, "Who's Terra?"

I rolled my eyes because I knew exactly what she was going to accuse me of next. "She's a friend of mine from work."

"Oh really," growled Mary, "a friend of yours? Well she did say that. Now I have evidence you're cheating on me!"

I groaned, "Really Mary! Are you delusional? A phone call is not evidence!"

Mary scoffed, "Fine then, I'm giving you a choice: it's me or the job!"

At hearing Mary's ultimatum my anger hit the roof. "Okay that's it! I've had it with you! You keep making me quit jobs and when I don't have one you nag me about not having one. When that happens, you call me a lazy slob! What the fucking hell do you want from me, huh?"

I took a breath and paused from my ranting. I realized something, I've had enough of this relationship, it's been one problem after another with this woman. Since it was Princess Twilight that made the phone call, I figured I'd use this to get rid of Mary. "You know something Mary?"

"What?" Mary snapped.

I smiled, "You're right, I'm cheating on you."

"For how long?" Mary demanded.

"Oh, for about six months now." I responded.

"I can tell by the sound of your voice you're lying." Mary hissed.

Finally I came clean, "Yup, you're right Mary. This is the last fight we're going to have!"

"You don't mean that!" Mary shrieked.

I smiled knowing that it was Princess Twilight that helped me out. I felt liberated, "Oh yeah, I mean it and I'm picking the job this time! I'm also picking my lover, Terra."

"But-" Mary fake sobbed.

I sneered. "We're done! Goodbye! See you never!"

I hung up the phone before Mary could reply. Once I hung up the phone I looked over to see Lucky Bee raise an eyebrow at me, "Wow, if that wasn't an angry phone call I don't know what is."

"That was an angry phone call alright," I said with a smile, "I just broke up with my turd girlfriend Mary. And I should probably get Princess Twilight a present for helping me do it."

Lucky Bee gave me a flirting smile, "Oh really? So you're available now?"

"Yeah, I'm still not interested Ms. Bee. I have someone else in mind, if she'll have me."

Instead of being disappointed, Lucky Bee looked overjoyed, "Well, go get her!"

"Thanks Ms. Bee." I said.

"Oh, come on Alex," said Lucky Bee, "just call me Lucky already."

"Nope, that's not happening, see you later!" When I arrived at the cafe I saw that Violet, Detective Simon Carter, and Detective A. Ryker were sitting at a table waiting for me. I couldn't stop myself from smiling, I've been smiling ever since I met Princess Twilight.

Violet smiled, "Wow, I can tell by that smile on your face something has you happy. What is it?"

I couldn't help it, I grinned when I looked at Princess Twilight. She raised an eyebrow, "Okay, why are you grinning at me?"

"I just broke up with my turd girlfriend." I replied. "And Princess?"

"What?" Princess Twilight asked.

"Come here." Princess Twilight didn't see what was coming next, I took her by surprise when I pulled her into my arms and kissed her.

Violet chuckled, "Wow Alex, it's about time you saw the light."

I stopped kissing Princess Twilight and looked into her eyes, "Um, princess?"

"Yes, Alex?" Princess Twilight said.

"Would you be my girlfriend?" I asked.

Princess Twilight smiled and nodded. "Yes."

As Violet, Detective Simon Carter, and Detective A. Ryker laughed at this, I heard Star think I told you so about your feelings. You two look so cute together. I wonder when is the wedding going to be?

No comment on that. I thought.

I went to kiss Princess Twilight again when Violet cleared her throat, "While this love fest is nice and all, we really should get going to catch Pinkie Pie don't you think?"

I could tell Princess Twilight didn't want to let go of me, but we forced ourselves to let go of each other.

Wait a second, Star thought, that's it! This just might work after all!

What are you talking about Star? I thought.

Since you and the princess have gotten together now, and I'm sensing from your emotions it's true love- Star thought.

Wait, wait, wait! I thought, We just got together so how can it be true love?

Because I can sense your emotions, you idiot! Star thought, Now, as I was saying, since you guys are together now, if you can zero in on the thing you're looking for, you just might be able to predict the future based on that.

Okay. I thought.

Well let's see, Pinkie Pie is one of the princesses good friends, or at least she was her good friend. But what I'm thinking is that you could possibly zero in on Princess Twilight's memories of Pinkie Pie! That might help you have visions so that should help you track down Pinkie Pie! Star thought.

Okay, I don't think that's going- Before I could finish that thought a vision happened. Pinkie Pie was back at AE Corp. She was in her office talking to a guy that looked like he was about my age and he was dressed in business attire.

"I'm telling you," begged Pinkie Pie, "I need more protection from those agents of the PPA."

"What do you want from me Pinkie?" The guy asked.

"Sssh!" Pinkie Pie said, "Pipsqueak, it's Roxy, do you want those crazy humans to hear us?"

"I can't help you Roxy," responded Pipsqueak, "I'm here legally. I have my work permit too. I have a legal magic necklace. If the PPA finds out I'm helping a rogue pony out, that could mean some serious trouble for me."

"Well, you should help me anyway." Pinkie hissed.

"Uh, no, I won't," snarled Pipsqueak, "and since I'm over here legally and I'm your boss, you're fired! Grab your things and don't let the door hit you on the way out."

"Humph!" Pinkie scoffed. "Fine then, good help is so hard to find these days."

When Pinkie hesitated to leave at first, Pipsqueak got really annoyed and he rolled his eyes. "Get out of here now or I'm calling security!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" Pinkie responded.

That was the end of the vision, when I opened my eyes, my ears were ringing at first but it slowly stopped. Princess Twilight looked at me with concern, "Are you okay Alex?"

"I'm fine," I shook my head to make the room stop spinning.

Princess Twilight frowned, "No, you don't look fine. You should probably sit down."

I sat down, "I had another vision. For some reason it hit kind of hard. But Pinkie was asking for protection from another pony named Pipsqueak. He refused and she didn't look happy about it."

"Where is she now?" Violet asked.

Finally the dizziness went away and I was able to think more clearly. "She's back at AE Corp. And it looks like we're going to have to talk to Monkey for stronger voltage on our stunner bullets."

Detective Simon Carter raised an eyebrow, "Stunner bullets?"

"They're bullets that work a lot like tasers, but they're stronger," Violet explained, "When a bullet hits a pony it stuns them enough so we can bring them back to Equestria. Sometimes it knocks the pony out too. If that happens then it makes it even easier for us to do our jobs. But there are ponies that can resist the stunner bullets no matter how many hit them. That's why we have to ask for stronger voltage."

"Oh," said Detective A. Ryker, "so if you need stronger stunner bullets because a pony can resist the ones you have, I guess it's kind of trying to tase a drunk person or someone that's high on something."

"That's exactly it Detective A. Ryker," I confirmed.

Detective A. Ryker chuckled, "Just call me Abigail, Alex."

"And just call me Simon," Detective Simon Carter said.

I nodded, "Sure. So before we go, we'd better stop by Monkey to get our weapons, ammo, vehicles and then we'll head out from there. The vision won't take place for another twenty minutes. If I'm correct it's give or take. I'm sorry princess but I don't feel like dealing with the side effects of a teleportation spell. No offense."

Princess Twilight laughed, "No offense taken. I understand."

"We have our vehicles outfitted for more than one passenger," I said.

"Yeah," said Princess Twilight with excitement, "Alex has a motorcycle that can fly!"

Simon raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "Really?"

I nodded "Yes, really."

"Well, I would say I don't believe you, but this I gotta see," Simon said.

We headed over to Eric, Violet and I checked in at his desk. Eric smiled when he saw us. "Well hey you two! And hello Terra! I heard you guys have two detectives working with you now," He looked over at Abigail and Simon and smiled, "Judging by your badges I'm going to say you're the two detectives working with Alex and Violet am I right?"

"Yes Monkey," I said, "these are the two detectives."

"My name is Detective S. Carter to you Monkey." Simon snapped.

"It's Detective A. Ryker." Abigail growled.

"Okay, geez, touchy!" Eric said defensively, "I didn't know calling someone by their profession was an insult."

I rolled my eyes, "Well, if you would stop gawking at them, and that includes Terra, then there wouldn't be much of a problem."

Princess Twilight gave Eric a wary look and I could tell that Eric just couldn't help himself. He gave her the same flirting smile that Lucky Bee gives to me a lot.

"Would you stop looking at my new girlfriend like that?" I snapped.

Eric raised an eyebrow, "New girlfriend, huh? This sexy young lady standing beside you named Terra, although I have a feeling she's a pony in disguise, is your girlfriend. Exactly how new?"

"He just got together with her a half hour ago," Violet stated.

Eric smirked. "Oh so very new, huh? That means I still have a chance to get her in my bed so I can stick my dick in her. I wonder, Terra, are you a virgin?"

"Excuse me?" Princess Twilight snapped. She also gagged on what was just said. "You are disgusting! Even if I was single, you're not my type because you're gross! So that would definitely be a big fat NO!"

I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from laughing at Princess Twilight's reaction to Eric flirting with her. But as quickly as the urge to laugh came it disappeared with what Eric said next. He can be such a fat-ass pig sometimes when it comes down to his dirty ideas about women. "Now why would you want to be someone who can't laugh Terra? If you get with me I can make your vagina laugh."

"Now listen here Mister!" Princess Twilight growled, "Yuck, you are gross and I reserve the right to date whoever I want! I'm going to make Alex laugh in front of me if it's the last thing I do!"

Eric snorted. "Well, good luck with that. Anyway, what can I help you guys with today?"

"We need to dial up the voltage on our stunner bullets," Violet mentioned, "The rogue pony we're going after is a tricky one. Somehow, she was able to upgrade her magic necklace to deflect the bullets."

"Oh yeah," noted Eric, "I heard there's an underground market for that. The PPA hasn't been able to find who's doing it yet."

Eric turned around and opened the vault behind him before he brought stunner guns out, they looked a little bit different from the ones we have as of now. The magazine on them is a little bit bigger because the stunner bullets with the higher voltage are bigger than the regular ones. "Here you go, two high voltage stunners with lethal switch bullets in them."

Violet and I exchanged our guns for the ones that Eric had. "Oh, and I need to check your vehicles to make sure everything's working properly."

Violet and I nodded and handed our vehicles over to him.

Simon tilted his head, "Your vehicles are boxes?"

Princess Twilight smiled, "Just wait Simon, you'll see!"

Eric took out his special tool that he uses to examine our vehicles. When he was done he nodded, "Looks like everything is in working order and good to go. And Terra?"

Princess Twilight narrowed her eyes, "Yes, Monkey?"

"If you're ever on the rebound, I'd be more than happy to take Alex's place," Eric smirked.

"Yeah, still a big fat NO!" Princess Twilight replied.

I rolled my eyes, "Anyway, thanks again Monkey."

Eric nodded, "Sure, no problem."

I smiled, wondering how Abigail and Simon were going to react to seeing Violet and mine's vehicles for the first time. Violet and I put our boxes on the floor and pressed the red button on top of them. Our vehicles unfolded into our bikes and when Simon and Abigail saw this, their jaws dropped.

"Okay, now I've seen everything!" Abigail exclaimed.

Simon whistled, "You got that one right, Ryker!"

Abigail looked at my bike and she looked like she had seen a ghost.

"What's wrong?" I queried.

"If I'm correct, Terra said your bike can fly right?" Abigail inquired.

I nodded. "Yeah, so?"

"I'm afraid of heights," responded Abigail, "so if you don't mind I'll ride Violet's regular bike."

Violet smiled, "It's no problem at all. Besides, I haven't had a passenger with me in a while."

Abigail got on the passenger seat of Violet's bike and Violet got on hers and put the kickstand up and started the engine. Princess Twilight got on the passenger seat behind mine and Simon got the passenger seat behind her. I got on the bike and started it. "Ready?"

"Yup!" Princess Twilight declared.

Simon gulped, "I'm not sure if I am, but okay."

"Alright, ready or not, let's go!" I thought it was Princess Twilight screaming when I took off. I didn't realize it was Simon screaming like a girl instead.

* * *

We got to the location where Pinkie was supposed to be at. Princess Twilight got off my bike and she looked puzzled about something. Simon looked like he had been on a rollercoaster for the first time.

"What is it princess?" I asked.

"I heard someone screaming like a girl on the way here." Princess Twilight answered. "I know it wasn't you Alex because you're the one driving. I know it wasn't me because trust me, I know what my screaming sounds like."

Princess Twilight looked at Simon and snorted. I felt an urge to laugh and excused myself to go do it.

* * *

{Princess Twilight}

When I saw Alex excuse himself to go laugh somewhere else, I did a facepalm and groaned, "Damn it! Again?"

Simon tilted his head, "Uh, what's wrong?"

"Well you see, Simon," I explained, "Alex has a hard time laughing in front of people. Getting him to smile is easy, but laughing? That's the hardest thing to do."

Simon raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Alex's mother disciplined him every time he laughed in front of her," I replied.

Simon's jaw dropped, "Really?"

I nodded,"Yup."

"Now I can understand playing a prank and being disciplined for that. But every single time you laugh?" Simon gasped, "I know child abuse when I see it and that's child abuse!"

"Wow, if you ask me a mother doing something like that is psycho," I agreed, "Mother's are supposed to protect their children, not harm them!"

Simon nodded. "I know, I agree, but unfortunately, time and time again I've seen child abusers go free. Mostly because no one wants to talk and there's not enough evidence to pin someone down with it."

"That's messed up," I said, "but with my job as the Princess of Friendship it is my duty to protect my friends. I will do that with Alex, even if it means protecting him from a family member."

"Princess of Friendship?" Simon questioned.

I nodded. "Oh yes, where I'm from, I'm called an Alicorn because in my pony form I have wings and a horn. Being an alicorn means I'm royalty, a Princess. My full name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. But I prefer to be called Princess Twilight. I found my calling shortly after becoming a princess, it is to spread friendship wherever I go. And now that I have friends on Earth, it's my duty to protect them too."

Simon whistled, "Wow, you're more noble than I am."

"I don't know about noble," I said with a shrug, "I'm just doing my job, like Alex is."

I looked over to see Violet and Abigail pulling up and once they got off the bike Abigail frowned, "Where's Alex?"

I groaned, "He went to go somewhere out of earshot to laugh by himself."

Simon made a motion for Abigail to follow him and from the looks of it, he explained what I just told him. I saw the look on Abigail's face and it was a look of horror. "What? Seriously?"

"Yup, just don't let him know that we know, okay." Simon instructed.

Abigail nodded, "Sure thing Carter."

It was shortly after that when Alex came back to us.

* * *

{Alex}

When I came back to where Princess Twilight and the others were, I said, "Well, we should go get back to tracking down Pinkie. Although I have a feeling that catching Pinkie might take longer than I thought it would take."

Violet shrugged, "It's all part of the job, it seems Pinkie Pie's giving us a run for our money."

I rolled my eyes, "No duh Violet. Anyway, the twenty minute deadline is up. Pinkie should be coming out right about-"

Princess Twilight pointed behind me, "Uh, Alex? She's right over there."

I turned around and for some reason, my eye twitched when I saw her. Pinkie looked pissed off when she saw us. "Okay, you guys are getting on my last fucking nerve! I don't know how you're able to find me so quickly but it needs to stop! I guess I'll have to take more extreme measures against you."

We stared in horror as Pinkie pulled out a regular gun from her pants pocket. I looked over to see Princess Twilight was pissed when she saw this, "Oh no you don't Pinkie, you fucking bitch!"

Pinkie rolled her eyes, "Wow, you know it's unbecoming of a princess to use cuss words. I wonder, where did you learn them?"

"Well that's personal information!" Princess Twilight snapped, "In case you didn't notice Pinkie but your silly little gun won't work on us."

"What the fuck?" Pinkie gasped, "You just had to use the protection spell didn't you? How did you learn to do that in human form?"

Princess Twilight gave Pinkie a smug smile and I looked to see coming from Princess Twilight's hands was a pink aura that was in the form of a shield protecting us. She laughed wickedly, "You see Pinkie, before I came to Earth, Princess Luna taught me how to use magic in my human form. Since my special talent is magic, I am able to do things that you can only dream of! You're not going to be able to put me in your iron chains anymore bitch!"

"And why not?" Pinkie demanded to know.

"Because I know how to get out of them now." Princess Twilight answered, "You might've been able to take me by surprise by your stupid 'smile song' before, but it's not going to work now."

Pinkie gave a sinister smile, "Oh really?"

Pinkie started to sing her 'smile song' and I could see that Princess Twilight was steaming with anger. "Oh no you don't you stupid BITCH!"

When Princess Twilight shouted the word bitch it was so loud that I could've sworn it sounded like an opera singer hitting the highest note. I looked behind Pinkie to see that the glass doors and windows on the front of AE Corp shattered because of Princess Twilight's shout. Pinkie's gun got knocked out of her hand because of the glass shards and one of them was big enough to get stuck in Pinkie's hand. Blood dripped from her hand when it happened.

Princess Twilight smirked, "Looks like you have a bad wound that needs to be attended to. I can help you with that, if you come back to Equestria with me. Only after you've been thrown in a dungeon for your crimes!"

I winced when I saw Pinkie rip the glass shard out of her hand.

Pinkie laughed, "This is nothing I can't take care of myself. Until next time Twilight."

Like the other times when we were so close to catching Pinkie, she touched the pendant on her magic necklace and disappeared.