The Pony Protection Agency

{Alex}

I looked around trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation or once again use my vision in a different way. I looked in horror as I saw the fishing hook hanging on the wall beside me. I could sense that Star was panicking too.

Calm down Star, we'll figure something out, okay? I thought.

Yeah, I doubt that! She's going for the fishing hook! Star thought.

I gulped when I saw Pinkie start to sing her smile song as she grabbed the fishing hook in her mouth.

"Oh come on- uh, who are you again?" Pinkie asked.

"My name is Alex!" I snapped.

"Wow, you're a feisty one aren't you?" Pinkie smirked.

"So what if I am?" I snapped again.

"Well if you were a pony you'd be my kind of guy," Pinkie said, "I like it when they're aggressive."

I gagged. "Yuck! As Twilight said to Eric when he was flirting with her, you’re gross!"

"Awww, oh well," Pinkie said, "Pinkie needs to do her research," She paused and looked in horror at me, "What are you doing?"

I felt a small surge of electricity go through my hand and it felt like I was holding a whole bunch of needles in it. Star seemed to calm down when this started happening.

Alex, it's your lightning power! Star thought with excitement.

Before I could do anything with it I heard Twilight shout, "PINKIIIIE!"

Pinkie looked over to see Twilight charging at her like a bull. I could tell Pinkie was going to escape soon and I wasn't about to let that happen again.

"Oh no you don't Pinkie!" I snarled. A beam of lightning shot out of my hand and hit Pinkie in the chest. She screamed and fell backward.

"No!" Pinkie howled, "Make the pain stop!"

"Make the pain stop!" Twilight mocked her, "Make the pain stop! Hmm, I think we should turn this into a song shall we? Come on everypony, let's kill Pinkie."

I chuckled, "Wow, Innocent I didn't know you had some talent. Now let's take this rogue only back to Equestria shall we?"

"Works for me!" Twilight said, "Oh, and we need to take care of one more thing."

Twilight used her magic and ripped Pinkie's magic necklace off her neck. She then stomped on it with her hoof because she was in pony form at the moment. My jaw dropped as Twilight kept stomping on the necklace until it was in a million pieces or more. When I thought she had done enough, I put my hand on her shoulder and made her stop.

"No more disappearing acts for you Pinkie!" Twilight sneered, "As a matter of fact, just to make sure you don't escape from us, Alex, do you happen to have any magical restraints for her?"

I nodded. Every agent of the PPA always has magical restraints to arrest ponies to bring them back to Equestria. When a pony is in human form restraints look like regular handcuffs. When a pony is in their pony form the restraints look like an iron chain with cuffs for all four hooves.

I took out the restraints and wrapped the iron chain around Pinkie's waist and then I put the cuffs on one hoof after another.

"You'll never get away with this!" Pinkie growled, "You'll never take me alive, I'll come back to Earth and I'll continue my research! I will have the meat and the blood, you'll never-"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Would you listen to yourself? You're an evil heartless bastard! We'll get away with this alright, you want to know why? Because a pony like you doesn't deserve to see the light of day!" She sighed, "It's too bad though, if you were still my friend you'd be able to come to the wedding."

Pinkie blinked. "Wedding?"

I showed Pinkie the engagement ring on my finger and she gasped. "I knew it! You are engaged to Twilight. So the princess gets what she wants but not me?"

"What are you talking about Pinkie?" Twilight asked, "You had everything back in Equestria, what more could you have wanted by coming here illegally? Why did you have to kill those ponies and humans? What about what they wanted? I'm pretty sure they wanted to live but you took what they wanted away from them. You had a family and just about everypony wanted to be your friend. You even had a boyfriend, don't you remember him? His name is Cheese Sandwich. Get this Pinkie, he was planning to propose to you before you left!

"But no, you were selfish and you continue to be. Please Pinkie, help me understand this! Now, now…" She started to cry, "now you'll have nothing. Your family doesn't love you anymore because you've betrayed them. Your element of harmony has been passed down. Cheese Sandwich has moved on, he's married now and you'll never be able to make anypony smile ever again."

Much to my surprise Pinkie started crying, and to tell the truth I had no idea why.

"No! You're wrong Twilight!" Pinkie cried, "I didn't have anything, everypony looked down on me back in Equestria. I know smiles and those smiles were fake! Ponies were being friendly towards me because they wanted me to throw a big party for them. Because that's what I was famous for back in Equestria right? You know what, now that I think about it, nopony ever once asked me to throw a party because they wanted to get to know me or become my friend. They just wanted to show off the fact that they got a party from the famous Party Planner Pinkie Pie!

"I wanted to be friends with everypony I came across. So I acted silly and I sang songs to cheer ponies up. But I got tired of being looked down on so instead of trying to be everypony’s friend, I started to kill ponies instead. I must say, it was a wonderful feeling. And on top of that, I had so much fun doing it!"

"But why did you want me to watch while you killed them?" Twilight growled.

"Because, because…" Pinkie trailed off on what she was trying to say, "Because I loved you and I wanted to share my new found joy with you. It turned me on when you watched me kill them with horror. I thought about confessing my feelings to you at one point, but I couldn't do it. When you found a way to break out of my restraints to go get help, it made me sad because you rejected me. I felt like I had no pony on my side anymore. I guess you never were on my side. That's why I'm heartbroken that you're engaged to somepony that's not me."

Twilight gasped. "So you're telling me that if I hadn't broken out of your restraints that meant that I loved you?"

Pinkie looked away and nodded. Twilight and I exchanged a look and gagged. We said at the same time. "Yuck! Pinkie, you are gross!"

Pinkie looked at us and she had tears in her eyes. The sad and heartbroken look on her face signaled to me that she had admitted defeat. "I'm done now, I changed my mind. I'll go back to Equestria, but it looks like I have no choice now."

It startled Twilight and I when we heard a door open. Violet breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good, you guys are okay."

Violet tilted her head when she saw Pinkie crying. "Why is Pinkie Pie crying?"

"Pinkie just confessed her love for Twilight," I said.

Violet gasped. "Seriously?"

Twilight nodded. "Yup, and apparently she was killing ponies and making me watch because she wanted it to be some quality bonding time between us."

I looked over to see Abigail and Simon throw up in their mouths.

Simon swallowed. "Yeah, that's gross."

"No kidding!" Twilight and I said.

When Pinkie started to howl in pain she said, "Make the pain stop, please Twilight! I just said how much I love you, make it stop!"

"STOP TALKING!" Twilight shouted, "Pinkie, I don't care! You killed all those ponies and people, I'm done with you talking, I don't want to hear it anymore. To be honest, I hope Princess Luna kills you, because that's what you deserve!"

Twilight started to cry and I pulled her into my arms. "Shhhh, Twilight, take a deep breath, we got her now. We got her and she's not disappearing on us again."

Twilight stopped crying and kissed me, she turned around and sneered at Pinkie. "You know something, it brings me great pleasure to do this."

"Huh?" Pinkie said. Before she could say another word, Twilight shot a beam of light from her horn at Pinkie's mouth and after the light died down, I stifled a laugh because on Pinkie's face was a zipper that held her mouth closed.

Twilight turned around and smiled. "What? I decided to add my own personal touch as we drag her away to an Equestrian dungeon. Go ahead, you can laugh now."

Violet, Abigail, Simon, Twilight, and I started laughing and we didn't stop laughing for a while.

* * *

After we got back to PPA HQ and Pinkie was sent back to Equestria, Agent Lawrence pulled Simon, Abigail, Twilight, and I into her office.

"Go ahead, take a seat," Agent Lawrence said.

We sat down as Agent Lawrence instructed.

"Don't worry you guys aren't in trouble," said Agent Lawrence, "I just want to commend you guys for a job well done! And Detective S. Carter and Detective A. Ryker, you won't remember this because we've wiped your memory of it but you guys have helped more than one agent of the PPA catch a rogue pony. Even if you don't take this job opportunity, don't worry Abigail, we don't erase memories of agents you've become romantically involved with."

"Wait, wait, wait," said Simon, "you mean to tell me we've helped catch more than one rogue pony and we don't remember it because you've wiped our memories? Why would you do that?"

"Because the PPA is a well kept secret," Agent Lawrence explained, "The last thing we want is for the PPA to be compromised. So it's a common procedure. The funny thing is, Agent Shipman here has helped us catch more than one rogue pony before he started working here."

I tilted my head and blinked. "Excuse me?"

Agent Lawrence nodded. "Mhm, you helped agents catch three rogue ponies. It's common practice to wipe memories of those that have no dealings with the PPA. Agents that have had interactions with you are instructed to stay well away from you. This time we can't wipe your memory because number one you work for the PPA and number two you're getting married to a princess from Equestria. Isn't that right Terra. Or should I say Princess Twilight?"

Twilight's jaw dropped. "How did you know?"

"I'm one of the head agents that works for the PPA, I've talked to Princess Luna at length about stuff like that," Agent Lawrence said, "It is the duty of the mare who is part of the royal family to propose marriage. I bet Agent Shipman was in shock when you did it."

Twilight snorted. "Oh yeah, he was. Too bad I didn't have a camera so I could've seen his reaction. Of course we had sex afterwards."

Agent Lawrence chuckled, "Uh, Princess Twilight, I didn't need to know that, but thanks for the info."

Simon and Abigail seemed to get a kick out of what Twilight said because they laughed at it.

Agent Lawrence turned to them. "So what do you say Detective S. Carter and Detective A. Ryker, do you want to become Agents of the PPA?"

Simon and Abigail looked at each other and smiled.

"I don't know about Ryker," said Simon, "but catching a rogue pony is a lot more fun than doing detective work anyway."

Abigail nodded. "I agree with Carter, I'm taking the job too."

Violet grinned at Abigail and reached over and shoved her tongue down Abigail's throat. I laughed at that and I looked over to see Agent Lawrence with a sad look on her face. Violet saw that and looked confused. "What's the matter, Agent Lawrence? You weren't interested in me so why the sad face?"

Agent Lawrence looked away and sighed, "I was playing hard to get. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter now."

"But you never flirted with me or anything like that," Violet said.

"Uh, this time I agree with Violet on that one," I said, "you never dropped any hints at all on that."

I guess Agent Lawrence didn't want to talk about it. She cleared her throat and smiled at me and Twilight. "So when are you two going to start planning the wedding?"

Twilight looked at me. "I don't know. Now that Pinkie's been captured, we should start planning it, don't you think Alex?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

Agent Lawrence smiled, "Oh and one more thing Agent Shipman, your father Hugo wants to see you and your new fiancé in the Underground to congratulate you on your engagement. Your Uncle Zane is here to escort you there."

Twilight and I exchanged a look and Agent Lawrence laughed, "Yeah, I know."

There was a knock on the door and Agent Lawrence answered it. Standing in the doorway was an older guy that looked old enough to be someone's grandfather. He also looked like someone that belonged to a biker gang. He had on a leather jacket with denim black pants, black leather boots, a black sports bandanna, and a long white beard that was tied together with a rubber band.

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, my uncle is part of a biker gang?"

Zane gave a belly laugh, "Oh no, although it used to be my alter ego."

Before Zane could say another word, I had a vision of Twilight, Zane, and I going through a portal and that was it.

I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess, we're going through a portal in two minutes aren't we?"

Zane gave another belly laugh and then whistled. "Wow, you're good. That's why you're Hugo's favorite half child."

"But we've never met before," I said, "so how can I-"

"Because Hugo likes to watch you through a portal. I'd say he's a bit of a stalker doing that. I bet he's going to say something about what I just said because he's probably watching us now. Without further ado, let's go meet your father Alex, and Princess Twilight," Zane said.

Twilight and I nodded. A portal opened up behind Zane and we followed him through it.