Author's Note

Okay, okay chapter 6 has been revised. Even if you've read the old version that I had published before, I strongly recommend that you go back and read the revised version.

I know what you might be thinking about the chapter title. Oh great, this chapter's going to be about an immature bathroom joke! Not really, the title is actually a play on words with something Alex and Violet say concerning Alex's girlfriend Mary. You'll see what I'm talking about when you read it.

7) Flush the Turd down the Toilet

{Alex}

I smiled at Star when she came out of her crystal. The robes she was wearing kind of reminded me of the robes that a judge would wear in court. They were white robes that went down to her ankles and she was wearing brown sandals on her feet. She stretched and sighed as she had just been let out of a confined space. "Finally, over a million years in that stuffy old crystal. It's about time that I was given to someone to help them out."

I snorted. "Yeah, I would get bored too if I had to look at the same four walls everyday."

Star nodded, "Uh-huh, so tell me something Alex, why are you still with that girl that Terra said doesn't care about you?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I keep hoping that it will get better? She's actually made me quit six jobs before this one because I wasn't at home every minute of day to spend time with her. I think she wants us to be attached at the hip or something. I'm not quitting this job. I actually like this job for a change. I'm actually considering breaking up with her when I get done with this assignment because I'm tired of her temper tantrums."

"Well, how long have you been with her?" Star questioned.

"Two years." I answered.

"Wow, you're pretty forgiving to stay with her for that long. What on earth is that girl thinking? Does she want to stay at home and be a lazy slob or does she want you to work so you can keep a roof over her head?" Star asked.

"I have no idea." I replied.

Star giggled, "Well, it's a good thing you're fully dressed or else you might be excited to see me. I would love to take you away from that crazy woman that you have for a girlfriend. What's her name?"

"First of all, I'm going to pretend you didn't just say what you said,"I said, the thought of someone that's three times my age or more flirting with me was kind of weird, "second, the turd's name is Mary."

Star burst into laughter, "Wow, if that's your pet name for her, then you really need to dump her."

I agreed. "Yeah, Violet tells me that all the time, she tells me to flush her down the toilet. You can thank Violet for the pet name. If I dump her down the toilet, she might clog the pipes! I doubt there's anything that can be done to turn the turd into a human."

I felt that I couldn't hold in my laughter even if I wanted to. I would've excused myself so I could go laugh somewhere else, but I didn't think that was possible.

"Oh boy, I also found out by connecting to your powers that you have a hard time laughing in front of people. I can tell by your emotions that even now that you want to go laugh somewhere else, because you don't want to laugh in front of me. I think you should probably work on getting past that," Star suggested.

I sighed, "That's easier said than done."

Star nodded, "I understand."

She looked over at the nightstand and I looked over to see that the time on the alarm clock was 12:40AM. "If I'm correct, that device is on your table over there, is that the way you guys tell time?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"So what time do those letters, AM, mean?" Star asked.

"It says AM because it's past the official time to start the day. The official start of the day is 12AM but it's called midnight because it's still dark out. Humans don't normally wake up until 5 or 6AM, when the sun comes up. Princess Twilight, Violet, and I agreed to start to head out at 8:30AM this morning," I explained.

Star tilted her head, "Princess Twilight?"

"She's the woman named Terra that's traveling with us. She's actually a pony that lives in Equestria. She's royalty there and the ruler, Princess Luna, sent her with us to help track down Pinkie Pie because she's a close personal friend of hers," I answered.

"I see. Well, I guess I should go back into my crystal and let you get some sleep," Star said.

"Yeah, it was nice to meet you, but yeah I should get some sleep," I yawned. With that, I went back to bed. I was asleep when my head hit the pillow.

* * *

{Hugo}

As I sat down on my favorite chair smoking my cigar, like I like to do on my days off, I opened up a portal to watch Alex. I watched as Star came out of her crystal and when she started explaining things to Alex, she decided to do a little flirting with him. She almost let the cat out the bag that Alex is my half child.

Still it made me smile now that Star had finally met Alex. I knew for a fact that Star would fulfill her end of the contract and help Alex as his powers developed.

I remember the first time I met Star, she was a child, at least in my eyes she was. I could tell by the way she looked up at me with no hint of fear but more of a hint of determination that she was the type of person to get whatever job that was asked of her done. So I figured she was perfect for the job of living in an exploding star crystal so she could help my children that are half god and half human develop their powers.

I rolled my eyes as I watched Star flirting with Alex. "Of course Star would flirt with him. He is pretty handsome because he gets his good looks from me. But you can't blame a one million year old woman for trying. I do wonder why everyone is so eager to have Alex develop his powers early?"

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard Zane's voice, "Uh, Hugo? Who are you talking to?"

"For crying out loud, can't I have a day off without being interrupted for once?" I grumbled.

"Oh, uh, sorry Hugo," said Zane, "I just thought I'd stop by and say hi."

"Okay, well since you're here, why don't you pull up a seat and watch your nephew Alex?" I asked.

"Okay, sure." Zane did as I suggested and I looked over to see how he would react to how Alex is. He had a smile on his face. Of course I always have a smile on my face when I watch Alex.

Alex looked determined and I assume it was to catch Pinkie Pie at all costs. That's because he had a determined look on his face as he went downstairs to the hotel lobby and met up with Princess Twilight and his partner at the PPA, Violet.

"So." Princess Twilight said.

Alex groaned and rolled his eyes, "Let me guess Terra, you want to know if I had another vision about where Pinkie Pie is right? The answer to that question would be a no."

Violet frowned, "I wonder why you haven't had any visions yet?"

"I don't know," Alex answered, "I can't control it when it happens, it just happens. If a vision does change, that's what Star is for."

Violet raised an eyebrow, "Star?"

Alex pointed to the mini exploding star crystal on a necklace around his neck. "Apparently, my crystal decided to change into a necklace to better suit my needs. I guess she thought a necklace would be best for me. Probably because I'm always on the move."

Violet laughed when she heard Alex call his exploding star crystal, by the name of Star. "Okay, you named your exploding star crystal Star and of course it's a she. Are you sure you're not getting lonely because of living at Headquarters away from that turd of a girlfriend you have? You know there's other options besides her right?"

Violet tilted her head towards Princess Twilight. It was so obvious that Violet was trying to point Alex in Princess Twilight's direction. Princess Twilight knew what Violet was trying to do and she looked like she was about ready to slap Violet because of it. "Would you stop doing that? He's obviously not interested at the moment, so stop pushing it! I swear once I get back to Equestria I'm going to have Rainbow Dash develop a special prank just for you. Pranks are her specialty!"

Violet rolled her eyes. "I'm so scared! Somebody help me!"

"Okay that's it!" Princess Twilight growled. She looked like she was about ready to start slapping Violet around. Before she could do that, Alex stepped in between them.

"Knock it off you two," said Alex, "we're on the same team here. We need to work together to track down Pinkie Pie. After that's done, then you can kill each other."

Princess Twilight crossed her arms and scoffed at Violet, "Hmph! But only because Alex wants me to make peace with you Violet."

"Well that goes for me too," Violet scoffed back, "I'll back off, for now."

After watching this scene play out Zane turned to me and raised an eyebrow, "Who's Pinkie Pie?"

"Oh, have you ever heard of a place called the PPA?" I asked.

Zane nodded, "Yeah I do, I've been to that place a couple of times myself. I have a couple of buddies that work there as agents. So is Alex an agent there?"

"Yup!" I said proudly, "He's in the top of his class too. You see, this Pinkie Pie character is the rogue pony he's going after with his partner Violet. That's the one who the other woman with him was getting ready to slap around. The woman that was getting ready to slap Violet is actually an Alicorn princess named Princess Twilight, she lives in Equestria. She's going under the name of Terra while she's helping Alex and Violet track down Pinkie Pie. It's because she's a close personal friend of Pinkie Pie's."

"I see," responded Zane, "so does Alex have the ability to see the future like your other half children do?"

"Uh-huh. Now that Alex knows he's a seer, I'm wondering how well his powers will develop," I said.

Zane smiled, "That makes two of us!"

* * *

{Alex}

We finally got to travel to Pinkie Pie's latest location. We were making some headway in traveling there when Star decided to shout in my head. Alex!

At first I ignored her and thought nothing of it when I heard her again. ALEX!

I hear you already! I thought. In case you didn't notice, I'm flying a motorized vehicle. Even though I have an invisible shield on I still do some damage to whatever I land on. Not to mention I have a passenger with me. So what's the deal?

You might want to pull over and sit down. Star thought. There's an incoming vision that's going to happen soon.

Okay. I thought.

I signaled for Violet to pull over and land at a nearby parking lot.

"What is it?" Violet asked.

I killed the engine on my bike and put down the kickstand. I helped Princess Twilight down and sat down on the ground crossed-legged.

"Alex what are you-" Princess Twilight started.

I put up a hand to silence her and Violet.

I closed my eyes and just as Star said would happen a vision started. I saw two people, a man and a woman dressed in black suits and judging by the type of suits and the rest of the outfit that they were wearing told me that they were some kind of law enforcement agents. I saw they had badges hanging from their necks with a silver chain. From what the letters on the badges were, they were detectives.

One of the people's badges had a name on it, Detective S. Carter. The other person was a woman, her badge said Detective A. Ryker. They were looking down at a bonfire that had been recently put out. Detective S. Carter knelt down and fished out of the ashes what looked like dog tags. They showed that the person whose remains were in the ashes was a military vet. The name on the dog tags was Bob Harper.

Detective A. Ryker growled, "That's the second bonfire this week! It seems the Bonfire Killer has stepped up her number of killings lately."

Detective S. Carter raised an eyebrow, "Her?"

"Well duh," noted Detective A. Ryker, "based on the killings, the evidence we're finding the killings are only men so far. So that tells me that the killer is possibly a woman."

"Oh, that's right, that's been the pattern so far. Well, okay, you know what we need to do, okay?" Detective S. Carter agreed.

Detective A. Ryker facepalmed and groaned, "You know, I really hate it when you say okay twice in the same sentence."

Detective S. Carter raised an eyebrow, "I say 'okay' twice in the same sentence? I didn't know I did that."

Detective A. Ryker rolled her eyes, "You did it twenty seconds ago! 'Well okay, you know what we need to do okay?' Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time you did it, I would be rich by now and I would be able to retire at the age of 24."

"Okay, okay, oops I did it again, didn't I?" Detective S. Carter said.

Detective A. Ryker looked clearly annoyed with Detective S. Carter judging by the look on her face. "Nevermind, it's something you do within your nature. Well, let's go check the missing person's database again."

After Detective A. Ryker said that, the vision stopped and I opened my eyes. I looked down at Star to see she was glowing the color green.

I've decided to stay the course on this one for sure, I thought, I'm thinking if we follow those two detectives, then we'll find Pinkie Pie for sure.

I can't change your mind, but okay, okay Star thought.

I almost laughed at Star's joke but once again I stopped myself. I don't know how I'm going to get past the fact that I can't laugh in front of people and be okay with it. I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.

* * *

I looked to see Princess Twilight and Violet smiling at me. "What?"

"You just had a vision, didn't you?" Princess Twilight asked.

I nodded, "Yeah I did. Thankfully, Star warned me about it. That's why I pulled over. If that hadn't happened we'd be in some serious trouble. Anyway, I saw two detectives looking at the remains of a bonfire that the fire department put out. There were human remains, but at first the detectives couldn't tell if the remains were from a man or a woman. One of the detectives pulled out of the ashes what looked like dog tags from a military vet. Apparently this isn't the first person that's been killed. They've named this killer, the 'Bonfire Killer' and they suspect that since they're finding men that have been killed, then the killer is a woman. I'm gonna guess that the Bonfire Killer is Pinkie Pie."

Upon hearing this information, Princess Twilight's eyes went wide as saucers, the color drained out of her face as if she had seen a ghost and she gulped. "Did you just say bonfire?"

"Uh, yeah, why? Wait a second, don't answer that question just yet. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it has something to do with Pinkie Pie's research?" I asked.

Princess Twilight nodded, "Yeah, that's exactly why every time I went back to find evidence of Pinkie's research it was all gone. Bonfires in Equestria are lit by magic and once it starts everything that a pony wants to destroy gets destroyed. Since I wouldn't help Pinkie light the bonfires, she would use a special magic device to start it. It's usually used by pegasi and earth ponies because they don't have magic like unicorns do."

"I suspect Pinkie's using the same type of device and since we're not in Equestria, it might not be working as well. It's funny that those detectives have named Pinkie the 'Bonfire Killer.' That's definitely a good name for her research."

At least I can smile. I thought. I smiled at the last sentence that Princess Twilight had said.

Violet smirked and nudged me in the shoulder. "What?"

"As I said, ever since we met the princess, you've been smiling a lot." Violet asserted.

I realized Violet was right, I've been smiling ever since I met Princess Twilight because I can't get over how cute and innocent she looks with everything she does.

Hmmm, I wonder if Princess Twilight is the key to helping you get past not being able to laugh in front of people. Star thought.

I have no idea. I thought.

I must've been smiling at Princess Twilight still when she paused and looked at me. "What's that look for, Alex?"

Violet teased, "I was wondering the same thing myself. Tell me Alex, what is that look for?"

I looked away because I didn't want to answer that question. "There is another thing I think is interesting. Apparently one of the detectives gets annoyed with the other when he says the word 'okay' twice in the same sentence."

Princess Twilight smiled, "I don't see what the problem with that is. Everypony has their quirks when they speak. For example, Pinkie Pie says, 'okey dokey lokey' a lot. Rarity says, 'oh darling' at the start of every sentence."

"Rainbow Dash says, 'awesome' at everything she does even when it's not awesome."

"Applejack is always chasing after bunnies and other critters that steal her apples and every time I come to her farm, I hear her saying, 'get back here yeah thievin' vermonts!'"

"And Fluttershy is the most quiet pony I've ever met. I remember when I met her, I had to ask her what name was at least three or four times. It wasn't until Spike said hi that she perked right up and spoke loud enough so I could hear her."

"Let's see, that's Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy… Oh that's right and then there's me, I always get picked on for making a lot of checklists. I do that for a reason though, so I don't miss any of my chores for the week. I even have a checklist to check the checklist."

As Princess Twilight kept explaining things about how her friends are with their quirks they have when speaking or anything else, I felt the urge to laugh and as usual I felt horrified by it. So I figured I had to excuse myself for it.

"Uh, could you excuse me?" I asked.

Princess Twilight stopped her storytelling and nodded. "Sure."

I then went around the corner out of earshot of her and Violet and laughed to my heart's content.

* * *

{Princess Twilight}

After Alex left to go laugh somewhere else he didn't laugh in front of me, I did a sigh of frustration. "Damn it! I almost had him that time too! I know a laugh starting when I see it!"

"I'm sorry princess, but Alex has a way to suppress his laughter that he'll use every chance he gets. Me and his fellow agents at the PPA suspect it has a lot to do with the discipline his mother gave him. To add to that, he has an abusive controlling girlfriend." Violet said.

"Why is Alex's girlfriend considered abusive?" I asked, "I mean controlling, yes, I can see that, but why abusive?"

Violet sighed, "I used to know Alex before he started working for the PPA and I knew his girlfriend before they started dating. I know how Mary is and I told him about that but he still got together with her. Yes she's controlling, because she controls everything that Alex does right down to when to go to sleep. There's been a lot of domestic violence disputes between those two. Most of the time Mary was the one arrested because the police could see the physical injuries from it."

"She made him quit six jobs before this one because of her pushing him around all the time. Alex says he likes working at the PPA and if Mary makes him quit this job, me and some fellow agents of his are going to give Mary a talking to because of it. Now that Alex is a seer she'll probably try to find some way to make him quit that too."

I gasped when I heard this information, "Why is Alex still with such a horrible person? Well I have half a mind to do the talking to with his girlfriend myself."

Violet smiled and looked up at the sky. She looked at me. "I think I can help you with that."

"How?" I asked.

"I actually have the turd Mary's phone number. Maybe if we stop by the PPA to take a break for this assignment again, you could give her a call?" Violet said.

"Really? You would give me her number?" I asked.

Violet nodded. "Unfortunately, I'm the turd's best friend. I'm getting ready to flush her down the toilet myself. So I can give you her phone number, you can call her and make like you're going to take Alex away from her?"

"How would I do that?" I asked.

"You know how you want to say that you want to protect your friends?" Violet questioned.

I nodded, "Yeah, and?"

"Maybe you could say something to the effect of you're his friend and you could tell her that if she doesn't stop being mean to Alex then you'll do everything in your power to take him away from her. You know, get him to see that the grass is greener?" Violet suggested. "I must say something else about that. Mary is a very jealous woman. Mary has even accused Alex and said he was cheating on her with me. I'm not interested in him like that. He's more like a brother to me. But I do my best to look out for him, most of the time he doesn't listen to me much anyway."

"I know after you call her, I'll get an angry phone call first. But before that can happen, I'm going to turn off my phone because I don't want to hear it. Then Alex will get the angry phone call next and hopefully that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. He'll break up with her and be done with her finally. It's a good thing the PPA isn't common knowledge to everyone."

I tilted my head, "Why's that?"

"I've seen this happen before," Violet informed me, "every time a guy breaks up with Mary, she leaves angry and threatening phone calls and voicemails. Some guys have actually had to change their phone numbers because of her. Sometimes she finds where they're living and goes there and attacks them. She's actually done some jail time because of it."

I gasped, "Really? She would do that? If you ask me, horrible people like that shouldn't be allowed to exist!" I smiled, "You know something, I like this plan. If it'll get Alex to break up with such a horrible person, then I'm game! No one deserves to be treated like that. If this is a good way to protect a friend, then as Celestia is my witness, I will do that!"

Violet and I high fived each other, I'm telling you, I can't wait to put this plan into action.