Chapters Chapter Two | Balefire Heart
Chapter Two:
“Try to get a better understanding of things before you make your judgment.”
The ominous beam of light emanating from within the city overpowered the few evening rays of the sun that broke through the ceiling of grey. Its glow bathed the area in a subtle cyan tint. The shadow of Stalliongrad loomed further over us with each hoofstep forward. Sea Mist snuggled deeper into her collar and turned her face away from the biting wind. The air was laden with the tang of sulfur; there had been a battle here recently. Instead of bodies, we were faced with empty homes and the barren expanse of white that crunched under our hooves, punctuated by the occasional small mound. Our winter wonderland was quiet except for the light howling of the wind, like the cries of long dead ponies. The stillness of the suburb was attempting to coax apprehension out of what little of my nerves were left.
I didn’t like it.
Sea Mist began to walk ahead of me, humming a tune. “I don’t know why you’re so on edge about this place. There’s nothing here.”
The detector on my bracer beeped; my spine crawled. I grabbed the mare’s collar and yanked her back. She fell onto her side with a surprised yelp.
“What was that for?!” she cried. Ignoring her, I held up my foreleg, sweeping it back and forth across the terrain. The beeping on my detector accelerated from rapid pulses into a constant tone. I knelt down and squinted at the space ahead of me. The wind stopped at a sharp line in the snow, only a few steps ahead.
I reached into a pouch on my vest, shifting the uncomfortable weight of the rifle onto my back. I pulled out a hoofful of rusty bolts and tossed them ahead of me. They silently connected with the invisible threshold and they vanished with small ripples in the air. Ethereal waves of shimmering gold began sheeting off, moving outwards from the anomaly’s border until they faded into nothingness. The weight on my chest lifted.
“Speak of the serpent’s name.”
“Woah…” Sea Mist stared at the waves as if they were a dream. She closed her eyes and breathed in as the waves washed over her and vanished somewhere behind us. The mare grinned.
From the middle of the wave a tiny glowing light appeared and drifted to rest on her nose. Sea Mist scrunched her muzzle and stared down at it, holding her breath in frozen fright. It was a butterfly with a pair of ornate evershifting wings.
“An anomaly.” I started. The bug's wings wrapped around my companion's face as if it were hugging her. “And it seems to like you.”
The mare held her breath. Sweat dripped down her forehead. “W-what?”
“It’s just wild magic.” I held out a hoof to the butterfly. “Don’t worry though. This one isn’t dangerous.”
It fluttered onto my open hoof, and wandered around a bit before resting in one spot. Sea Mist let out a sigh and wiped her brow. “You’re pretty good at this stuff.”
“It’s just luck.” I gently tossed the butterfly into the air. The anomaly vanished almost immediately into the threshold just as mysteriously as it came. I followed it and gestured to Sea Mist to do the same. “Come on Blue. Just don’t lose your head here.”
I stepped through the invisible threshold and, in the blink of an eye, the world around us flashed between our void of stark white and the afterimage of another. One blink brought me to a crowd of ponies thrashing and screaming. Another blink back to the misty present. The clashing realities strained my senses. I closed my eyes to escape the continuous shifting blur of color that enveloped me.
It’s not really happening, remember…
I forced my eyes open.
“What's going on? You’re seeing this, right? T-they’re alive!” Sea Mist’s breath quickened and her horn began to glow.
I grabbed her face and pulled it towards me. “No magic. Echoes hate that.”
“T-then what?” Sea Mist was shaking uncontrollably. Her wide eyes darted sporadically from side to side and she blinked rapidly.
“Relax. Just…” I bit my tongue. “Breathe.”
Her expressions didn’t change but she forced a weak smile. “I-I can try.”
“Good.”
The town roared with sound and motion. Ponies were running through us, crying fillies being dragged behind them, all fleeing from a horde of large mutated beasts chasing after them.
Dirty white fur covered their long bodies from head to tail. Their slender legs resembled something closer to rock than flesh. Three sets of webbed, clawed paws propelled them to blinding speeds, kicking up snow and rocks, as they dashed towards their prey. The mutants’ mouths were wide and salivating as they lunged at the older ponies and children falling behind the pack. I covered my ears as bullets ripped past me and through the mutants before they landed.
“Fucking denos!” a mare shouted behind me.
She was… a zebra? A zebra mare dressed in a plate carrier over a green jacket. The mare led a group of other armed ponies, all firing on the denos coming at them.
“Haki!” one of the ponies hollered over the chaos. “There’s still fillies and colts in the school!”
“I got it!” She pulled out a small, semi-transparent object from her jacket and smashed it on the ground. It burst into white spores that quickly encased Haki’s body completely. “Now don’t shoot me!”
“No promises!” one of the stallions responded.
As she sprinted past, I got a glance at the patch on her vest: a yellow radioactive sign.
“I thought zebras were all evil?” Sea Mist glared in bewilderment.
“Not all of them,” I snapped. “Now come on!”
We bolted after Haki, who was busy fighting off the few denos that got past the flurry of lead that protected her. The spores on her coat contorted to areas where the mutants clawed at, sparking on contact. Haki still whined at each hit, but no scars or marks were left.
She pulled off one of the two pipes that hung from her vest and ripped the tab on top, which made a tearing sound as it began shooting out a shower of sparks. Haki tossed the grenade behind her as she dove into one of the school’s front windows. The resulting concussion tore at the surrounding area indiscriminately. Shrapnel, dirt, glass, and blood rained down on her from the explosion. She let out a groan and laboriously pulled herself onto her hooves.
The mare drew her pistol and began meticulously checking each room for hostiles. The noise of the stampede outside was deafening. Haki gently pushed open each of the doors before thrusting her pistol in. Many of the rooms proved to be empty, though the fourth revealed a shivering, huddled mass of fillies and colts. They could not have been more than three or four years old. Haki’s face softened and she holstered her gun.
“Hey kids.” The young ponies trembled in fear at the unfamiliar zebra. The young ponies snuggled closer together when Haki extended her hoof. “No need to be scared. I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? Does that sound good?”
A few nodded slowly. Haki’s ears perked up at a strong set of steps echoing towards the room. She swung a punch towards the unicorn stallion who entered the doorway.
“Woah, easy! Same team, remember?” he shouted while dodging.
The zebra rolled her eyes. “Why the fuck are you here?”
“Can’t let you have all the glory.” Haki blankly stared. “I cleared the back alley so we can get them out of here.”
“Fine.” She glanced at the children. “Come on kids, let’s get you guys out of here.”
They followed behind the pair, a few hugging the stallion’s legs to keep some distance away from the zebra.
Suddenly, a deno prowled through the back door. The mutant burst in, a flash of white, like a winter cloud, smashing into the zebra’s head first. Pistol flew out of her mouth and clattered across the floor, away. Deno’s claws deftly went around Haki’s armored parts and into the flesh. A scream, floor tiles painted crimson. She wasn’t dead yet, screaming her lungs out and fighting back, one punch at a time. spun around and bucked the mutant off her, sending it crashing into one of the rooms.
“Run!” The fillies and colts didn’t object to the command. They sprinted as fast as they could, out the back door and up the alley.
Haki pushed herself to her hooves. She grabbed her gun off the ground and stumbled to the room with the deno. At the mere sight of Haki, the creature thrashed and flailed wildly between the desks. Haki braced her body on the door’s frame, leveled her pistol, and unloaded into the creature. The classroom exploded into a crimson mess. The pistol clicked repeatedly, signaling it was empty even as she continued to pull the trigger. She dropped the gun on the floor and grabbed her side, gasping for air.
“You good?” came the stallion’s voice from behind her. The mare’s face was turning pale.
“What do you think, smartass?” Haki scowled. “Let’s get out of here.”
The stallion punched her, sending her sprawling into the room. She gasped, landing on the mutant’s bloodied corpse. “Why?! What the fuck did I do to you?”
“These denos weren't a problem 'til your striped ass showed up!” He levitated the pistol off the ground and reloaded it.
“Are you dense!?”
“I can see through you. You don’t care about these ponies!” Haki screamed as he fired a shot into her hip. “You just revel in our… anguish! All that power from playing the ‘hero’. Drop the act, you striped whore!”
She spat blood into the stallion’s face. He pinned her to the floor, pressing his hooves to her throat, his face twisted in rage. Haki contorted her body, throwing lame punches at the assaulter's chest trying to push him off. The disheveled stallion leaned forward to glare at her, grinding his teeth together. A large grin crossed his face as Haki’s body began to violently convulse.
R I P
The sound reverberated through the building as Haki pulled the stallion into a tight embrace and gave a bloody grin. A muffled hiss came from between them. He assaulted her face with a flurry of blows. “Let go!”
“I’m sorry.”
I threw myself around Sea Mist as the room erupted in smoke and shrapnel. I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting for the heat that never came. A chill washed over my neck, and I reached my hoof back to wipe at the meltwater that had dripped upon me. I opened my eyes to look around at the frosty present.
“Shit…”
What was left of Haki wasn’t even enough for a skeleton. Chips of bone marrow, a femur with some charred cloth stuck to it, and a skull cratered just above the eye socket with a missing jaw were the only parts that were left recognizable. After everything, she deserved a clean burial, but I would have needed a bucket to bury the mess that was left.
“What are you doing?” Sea Mist asked as I reached for the skull.
“Old customs, I guess you’d call it. You mind?”
Sea Mist didn’t reply, but I really wasn’t asking for approval. I tried to grab the skull as gingerly as I could, and managed not to widen any of the cracks as I hefted it off of the charred floor.
“What are you doing here, stalker? You know we aren’t allowed to be here, don’t you?”
Silence. Of course the skull wasn’t going to talk back to me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t right.
Without another word, I trudged out of the building. Exhaustion seeped into my veins, and I wasn’t sure whether it was fatigue or aftershock from seeing...
Snow.
I blinked, then shook my head. Flakes drifted from a leaden sky like ash particles, and my eyes followed an errant speck on its uneven descent as I tried to collect myself. Onward drifted the snowflake, twisting in one direction, then another, until it finally settled on a small pile of scraps: bits of cloth and tiny…
“Fuck.”
It wasn’t enough. Haki had been good — even better than me — and…
Nopony deserved anything, objectively and philosophically speaking. I’d like to believe I wasn’t naive or delusional enough to think otherwise. But for that moment, my eyes burned as my brain screamed in raw anger about the injustice of it all.
Stacked like snow. Everything she’d done…
What a stupid fucking stallion. It’s been two hundred years. Why couldn’t the war just die already?
I gazed into the skull’s eye sockets, then at the pile of postmortal detritus. Snow settled on my mane and bled down into my scalp, and I stood there, staring at the pile, skull still clutched in my shaking hoof.
“What are you doing?” Sea Mist piped up.
I didn’t have an answer for one second. Two. Three. I exhaled my hot dismay then, silently, I made my way across the ruined asphalt and set the sku—no, Haki—on top of the pile.
“Giving her a final watch,” I pressed my lips together into a tight line and turned towards her. “And a better view.”
Sea Mist’s face paled. “I...oh, Celestia, that isn’t…”
“Yeah.” The melting snow was making my mane sag, and I rubbed it out of my eyes as I stared at her. “You can’t change the past, but… I really wish I could.”
Sea Mist bit down hard on her bottom lip. Her puffy eyes were growing misty.
“Blue, she chose to watch over them, you know. That was her call.” Briefly, I turned to look back at the skull. “She did everything she could, and the world still spit in her eye, so I figured I’d cut her a break. Help her out.”
Sea Mist sniffed and hid her face from me, but didn’t say anything. The impulse to rest my hoof on her head struck me, and I almost gave in but pulled away at the last minute. I gave her a head pat instead; it was all I was capable of. She whimpered into her hooves. It had probably been ages since somepony had tried to comfort her like this.
“Nothing else but forgotten echoes here,” I offered. “You gonna be okay?”
The answer was obvious: no. Sea Mist looked up at me and gave a nod of assent.
Good enough for the moment.
“Okay…umm.” I pulled away from her and turned back to the building. “Let’s leave this place.”
Together we headed towards the shining blue beam in the sky. The sight made me feel nervous. After all this time, what if everything’s different? I shivered at the thought.
Sea Mist tried to return to her cheery humming from earlier, but it was much more somber this time. The notes sounded more like whimpers, the cadence sporadic. Eventually, she dropped the act altogether. “Wildcard...”
“Yeah, Blue?”
“What’s a stalker?” She croaked.
I let my shoulders slump. “You wanna continue talking about that?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Sea Mist tried to hide behind her short mane.
“No, it’s not…” I sighed. “I was just wondering why you care about it.”
“Well, you called Haki that.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Shit. I thought about the best way to explain it. The gears in my head beat to the hollow rhythm of our hooves in the snow. It echoed into the barren expanse of...
Nothing. There was nothing to describe it. My ears dropped.
“Stalkers are just a bunch of louses. Searching for freedom from all…”
I gestured at the howling wind and frozen wasteland around us.
“This. To escape themselv—”
I choked on that word until my face bled with heat. I practically hacked my lungs out. Sea Mist put out a hoof to help but I pushed it away. My ribs ached and whined at my answer. I ripped my hip flask from its pouch and slammed back a shot, letting the sweet liquid bite back at not only the coughs but my mouth as well.
“They’ll never find it. All that’s theirs is behind the barbed wire of that damn city.”
Sea Mist tilted her head to the side, wide eyed.
“I’m sorry. None of this gonna make sense to your sheltered ears, but one day, you may understand.”
Chapter Three | The City of the Dead
Author's Note
Dedicated to my late uncle. May he rest in peace.
Chapter Three | The City of the Dead
Chapter Three:
“Welcome to the land of wolves.”
White.
Dim, white gemstones powered the creaky emergency lights that defended the station from the shroud of darkness. Ponies and zebras wrapped in patchwork winter clothing conducted business, paying with ammunition or bartering what little they had for food, clothes or whatever else. These merchant tents were mixed in with the cloth housing that lined the makeshift town. What was once a shiny new railway in the center of the space had been removed and replaced with a mushroom farm, used to feed a majority of the citizens of Sparkle Station.
I watched ponies hard at work on wooden scaffolding, painting the walls and ceiling. As beautiful as the intricate lines and patterns being placed were, they all meant nothing. They were attempting to remake the station into an image of its former state, brilliant shades of purple that complemented the massive amount of magical imagery, before the passage of time caused it to fall into disrepair. But it was all form without function here; only designed to try and echo the few photographs of how the station first looked, and it still felt off. From the postcards I’d seen of this once busy metro station, with its crowds of ponies, zebras, and even griffons all rushing to work, home, or elsewhere, the recreation almost made me want to laugh at the repair ponies’ attempt at reproducing the atmosphere of the place without the joy and smiles of the folks that once filled it.
“Welcome back, Serenity,” a smoky voice cut through the air. A pony tapped me on the top of my head. I looked up at a pair of warm crimson eyes above me. The fluffy hood around her face forced her deep blue and golden striped mane into my eyes. I pushed it out the way as she continued to grin like a filly. “How was the trip from Friendship Station?”
“Rough.” The batpony mare landed next to me. “The Jackals are getting bolder every day, and if I didn’t have this fucking thing shaking around—“
I tried shifting around the saddlebag radio that sat uncomfortably on my back. Its thick casing had dug into my side, like a single fly that wouldn’t leave me alone. I grunted at another attempt at comfort and began to remove the radio with my teeth.
“I hate dis ting,” I mumbled.
She giggled. “Hey, you know what my dad says, ‘That radio might save your life one day!’”
I returned the jagged nuisance back with the crinkled papers and pencils in my saddlebags, hoping it would be more tolerable than before. It wasn’t. “Yeah, yeah, Dusk. Whatever.”
“Come on. I’ll show you the new listening post.” Dusk waved me to follow with her wing.
She guided me from the labyrinth of a marketplace, past the patchwork fabric houses where fillies were playing with wooden and rusty toys to the south station exit. Two sandbag piles stood on either side of the metal track, each having their own mounted flamethrower covering the darkness in the tunnel ahead. Some guards were checking ponies through customs while others sat around a makeshift fire. A mare filled the air with a reggae melody from a beaten acoustic guitar.
We exchanged waves with the ponies nearby and entered the larger sheet metal building next to the customs house. The space was layered with offices of folks dashing here and there through the tight hallways, folders flying everywhere. Together we bobbed and weaved through the crowd to the back where a greying unicorn sat inside a small room behind a messy desk of papers and boxes. Dusk gestured for me to walk in, but I waved the suggestion away. She giggled and rolled her eyes before knocking on the door to grab the mare’s attention.
The unicorn raised her head from what she was working on. “Oh, Dusk. Something wrong?”
“My friend from Friendship Station is here.”
“The radio pony?” She raised an eyebrow. “I thought he wasn’t gonna be here for another three days.”
“Well,” Dusk grinned, wrapped her hoof around my neck, and yanked me into the room. “Ask him yourself.”
I waved at the unicorn.
“Well, take a seat…um… Serenity, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good luck!” Dusk called. I jumped as she slapped me on the ass as she left. The mare behind the desk snickered, then pointed at me and the literal cause of my pain in the ass.
I sat in front of the desk. “No. Just no.”
“You’d be lucky.” She sifted through the stack of documents on the desk.
“I’d be dead.”
The aged unicorn pulled out a paper from the pile and laid it in front of her. She stamped it with a purple word, Order, before returning it to the container on the edge of the table.
“Why would a younger pony like you fight to get reassigned here? Hell, you fought like your life depended on it. I’ve never seen somepony so desperate to work through the system backwards before. You aren’t running from something, are you?”
“No, I just needed to get away from the noise in the bigger stations.” I gazed past the mare, looking for anything to prevent me from thinking. I studied the tiny bumps of dull grey of the walls as she continued.
“You can’t get further than this, so that's good for you.”
I nodded in agreement.
“Do you ever plan on going back?”
I shook my head. “I wanna get even farther away if possible.”
I locked eyes with the mare. Her irises faded from brown to a pale green. The tone that came from her mouth was raspier than before. “So much for that idea, eh?”
======= ☢ =======
I jolted awake, my vision burning at the edges. My body wasn’t happy with the sudden movement, as I violently coughed and grasped the side of my torso. I grabbed my hip flask, taking a swig to dull the pain before sliding off the cushionless couch. Smoldering embers crackled in a rusty barrel in the center of the room as I walked past Sea Mist, who was still sleeping on tainted couch cushions. Most of everything, from the tables and wallpaper, to the messy books scattered over the floor, was tainted a sickly color from two centennials of water damage. The open living room led to a kitchen where my plate carrier, rifle, and bags rested on the mossy wood counters.
I lazily rummaged through my possessions and pulled out a green featureless energy bar, tore it open with my teeth, and spat the wrapper out. Turning, I glanced at the sleepy mare before taking in more of the surroundings. There hadn’t been much time last night to do so. The windows had all been boarded except one in the living room, and I had fixed that issue quickly with a bookshelf. Even got a little help from Sea Mist to brace the front door from the elements with a desk from the master bedroom at the end of the hall. If only the water that periodically dripped from the hallway ceiling could have been fixed.
p l o p
I ripped off a piece of the bar and tried to chew the tough, stale granola the best I could. It hurt. Instead of chewing it, I gnawed at the large piece in my mouth. It was a lot easier on the teeth.
p l o p
I closed my eyes and just listened to the droplets. The sound was relaxing. I synced its repetitive rhythm to my breathing. But it didn’t help shake the one thought in my mind.
p l o p
That dream, what was it? Everything was normal until the end. It mocked me. It was… strange.
C R e e e A K
In a single swift motion I grabbed my rifle and thrust my muzzle into the hallway, tongue ready to fire. It was visibly empty. The sound must have come from the master bedroom. I tightened my left hoof’s grip on my magazine and creeped down the hall, peering at the front door as I crossed it. The door was still barricaded and locked with no signs of tampering.
c r e a k
The sound echoed out, reinforcing my theory that it originated from the bedroom. I calmly placed my hooves down as I grew closer to the room, pausing just before entering. I readied myself with a few quick sharp breaths into my mouth guard then burst into the bedroom.
…
Nothing.
There was nothing. Just a destroyed wooden bed and a shattered vase. I really had let that dream get the best of me. Was it all just in my head?
Just to make sure.
I reached into my jacket and tossed out a metal nut into the room. The tiny piece of steel smacked off the wall and bounced to a stop on the floor. Should’ve expected as much, since the anomaly detector was silent. The situation still left a stale taste in my mouth, perfectly in tune with the remains of the energy bar.
“Wildcard?” a groggy sounding Sea Mist called out.
I gave the master bedroom one last hard look, sighed and headed back to the kitchen. The small mare was pacing around the living room. She paused when I came in. “What was that noise?”
“Sorry, Blue, I was just checking something.” I rested my rifle on the counter.
Sea Mist raised an eyebrow. “Does it have something to do with what you were dreaming last night?”
“What?” I was taken aback.
“It was hard to catch any sleep with you twisting around and murmuring to yourself.”
I felt my cheeks and ear tips flush with heat. She smiled at the reaction. “Shut up.”
“Tell me about them! I always felt better after talking about mine to my dad.”
I crunched the softened granola and gave Sea Mist nothing but a condescending stare.
“Come on! I can help!”
I looked into her big amaranth puppy dog eyes. She added a pout on top, but that wasn’t enough for me.
“Please?” Sea Mist put her hooves together.
“Not today.”
She gave a firm little grunt and turned away. Whatever. She can be pissed, but that’s not gonna guilt trip me into agreeing.
I went and equipped my gear: sliding into my armor vest, putting on my saddlebags, and folding the rifle’s mouth-trigger guard so I could sling it on my back. My gaze returned back to the hallway.
“Ready, Blue?”
Only the leaking ceiling responded back.
p l o p
I sighed and entered the living room. “Sea Mist. We gotta go.”
“One second.” She was frantically trying to fit something into her stable barding’s pockets with her magic.
I sighed. “Seriously, what did you take?”
Sea Mist ignored me and continued to struggle. “Why did they have to make the pockets so damn small! Ugh!”
“Blue,” I extended my hoof. “If you really want it, I can just carr—“
“No.”
I did a double take. “What do you mean ‘no’?”
“You’ll laugh.”
“Sea Mist…”
“Fine!” She unfolded the item and levitated it to me. It was a postcard, in pretty good condition too. ‘Greetings From the Medical City of Tomorrow!’ was boldly written across the top with a picture of Stalliongrad’s skyline in the backdrop. Sky carriages flying in from all directions toward the city, the passengers’ toothy smiles complementing the rising sun coming over the mountains.
“Where'd you find this?”
“Uhh, last night while you were building the fire. There was a box of them in the bedroom. I was bored and it was just lying there.”
“What do you mean there was a box?”
Sea Mist whistled while avoiding my eyes.
“Blue, how many did you take?”
“Well…” she rolled the word on her tongue.
“How many.”
She paused. “All…of them.”
“Why?!” I exploded.
“The ponies in the pictures just look so happy and it makes me happy and I like them!”
I facehoofed. “Fucking spirits. Fine, keep them, just... leave some space for something useful too, alright?”
Her eyes lit up like a Hearthswarming scrap tree. “Really?”
“Yeah, I had a few when I was growing up.”
“So you like them!”
I slid the postcard into my saddlebags. “I did like them. I could give you the ones I used to own—“
“That would be awesome!”
“But, we have to get there first.” I waved her over to help me push the heavy wet desk off the front door. With a few grunts it was over and done. Sea Mist’s stomach grumbled. I tossed her the half-eaten granola bar which she quickly popped into her mouth and chewed on.
“Wow. This is really dry.”
I swallowed the last of my section of the bar and smiled before opening the door. A quiet world rested just outside, the buildings defeated by the elements and time. Empty shells, drowned in an unnatural blue.
The air was sharp with every breath. “Stay close. If anything bad is gonna happen, it’s deeper in the city.”
Sea Mist nodded.
I pulled up my hood and trotted out into the street. Sea Mist happily whistled and followed me down the road towards the beam in the sky. The light snow stuck to our clothes as we approached an eerie dirty mist covered bridge. Wagons filled with the remains of people trying to escape the bombs packed the road we were walking though. Unidentifiable skeletons holding their children tightly to their body, covering their eyes. Their hollow skulls still echoed an expression of deep locked fear. I didn't pay much attention to it and began scaling over vehicles. The only thing that made me stop was the lack of hoofsteps behind. I turned around. Sea Mist had stopped and was quietly crying.
My mane tingled. “Blue, come on. You’ve seen the dead before.”
“They’re—“
“Anywhere but here.” I cut her off.
I helped her climb over faded wagons and sky carriages. Sea Mist paused a few times to stare at the massive frozen river below. I took a moment to take it all in again. The buildings ahead were like the remains of a vast stonehenge, their decaying forms twisting like talons outstretched to the sky in prayer, or in anger. A hidden fence squeaked a forgotten melody into the wind. A mass gravesite of graffitied concrete tombs.
I have crossed so many ruins now, and searched their buildings so many times that I've lost count. I have already taken all the scraps I could that weren't too buried, but I've never understood their true purpose. I have studied everything that I could observe from the wasteland, but home was different. I've never found any answers here. Just forgotten melodies.
It felt different this time. You’d think I’d be happy or sad but I felt… nothing. A strange bliss that was just out of hoof’s reach. Another unanswered question. Sea Mist looked everywhere, never resting in a place for more than a brief second. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates. She was a kid in an alien zone.
We slid down a mound of snow-covered carriages into the limits of the city. Suddenly, the sounds of snow popping and crunching under our hooves was drowned out by the sound of powerful beats of air. I dragged Sea Mist through a large broken window of a diner and dove behind the counter. I swallowed my breath and covered my mouth. It felt as if my veins were frozen. Sea Mist gave me a grim look I’ll never forget; she followed my actions and we waited. My heart jumped with every powerful percussive whip of the wind. The sound grew closer and closer until my ears rang. Then it was silent.
I pushed past the years of fear charging through me and peeked over the counter. Half of a gigantic grey-colored beast was visible through the broken windows. The beast leaned its head down and sniffed around the center of the street while presenting its rows of teeth with a low snarl. Its claws ripped into the vehicles below like paper. Its mouth split into three parts, its two bottom lips readjusting to the movement of the creature’s tongue licking them.
No fucking way. Demons never used to come out this far. How could I have known? Dismay filled my chest and I accepted the very real possibility of a fight. But with only the rifle and a knife—shit. I only know one pony who’s ever even killed a Demon before.
I slowly eased myself back behind the counter. I wore my heart on my sleeve and Sea Mist could tell. She gestured to the open kitchen and I followed, staring at the ground. Each hoof was carefully placed around the broken cups and glass scattered on the tile floors. I bumped into her and looked up. A fridge had fallen and was resting diagonally across the doorframe. Sea Mist gazed at me with worry,but I waved her forward. She slipped under the unit without a problem.
It was my turn. I squeezed my shoulder blades together and attempted to get through the passage. There was just enough room for me to get my front hooves through to the other side. I pulled my hips through the space, but I bumped into the fridge and it slid down the wall, pinning my hindquarters to the doorframe.
It really fucking hurt.
Panic set in fast. I clenched my teeth together and tried to drag my lower half through. The fridge didn’t care to give me an inch. Sea Mist was freaking out. She pulled on the fridge with her magic, sweat beading down her forehead from the physical strain. I just needed a little more… room. I tugged at the tiles with every fiber of my soul. I wasn’t gonna be Demon food!
Finally, the fridge gave up and let me pass. It only took a small fucking heart attack.
The kitchen was a mess of rusty, bent pots and pans thrown all around the area. The body of a spider web-covered corpse appeared to be resting face first in the sink. Parts of the galley were missing. Whole stoves, counters and even overhead lights were gone. At least there was a back door still.
I motioned for Sea Mist to try to open the back door and turned to watch the Demon through the serving window. It was staring right at me. There was no emotion in thoses eyes, just hunger. My stomach lurched at the sight. The demon let out a long hot breath into the chill air, paused, and launched into the sky with practiced bravado.
I gasped for fresh air. “Shit, you alright Blue?”
“No! You scared the shit out of me.”
“My bad.” I threw up a hoof in defense. “How’s the door?”
“Stuck.”
“Stuck?” I gave the metal exit a push. It was harder than I thought. Through the circular window I could see a pile of snow frozen to the lower frame.
Nothing could ever be so simple.
Sea Mist joined me to give the door another strong push. The hinges quietly whined as the heavy metal frame eventually submitted to our combined strength. The back alley was empty, much to my relief. I creeped to the edge of it to check the street. Both sides were clear from what was visible.
“How long till we get there?” She peeked her head out the doorway.
“No clue. We could be trapped up here for hours.”
I bolted across the open street to the dim alley just ahead. It was tightly crowded with dented trash cans and discolored news headlines. Sea Mist was right on my tail.
“What?!”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “I’m just fucking with ya. We just need to cross a few blocks.”
I paused to stare up at the rebar and concrete from the tops of the buildings on either side that collected in the middle to form a large barrier. Shit. It had to be four… no, five stories tall. We needed another way through. Good thing there were backdoors into these tombs. I just had to find an open one. I started trying doors.
“That’s not funny.” Sea Mist stomped her hoof down. She was fuming.
One of the doors was already open. I peeked inside for a moment then turned back to the mare. “Hey. You don’t have to be here.”
“Yes, I do.”
“What, to talk my ear off?” I rolled my eyes and entered the building. It was a large stairwell with a gap in the middle that climbed to the sky.
Luna, I fucking hate stairs.
I let out a long groan and started the ascent.
“I have to help you.” Sea Mist croaked from behind.
“With what?” I snapped. It had only been three flights and I already wanted to bash my head into the wall. Her nagging wasn’t helping.
She scrunched her brow. “Surviving.”
The next flight of stairs was covered in a glowing neon liquid, pulsing with an unnatural green light. I tossed a screw nut into it and watched it dissolve into the anomaly with little fanfare. Welp, I guess this is our floor.
“Shit.” I turned and raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking, right?”
“I’m serious.”
I attempted to open the floor’s door but it didn’t budge. I spun around, reading my back hooves for a second before blasting the door open to the sound of ice cracking. I wiped my brow. “Uh huh.”
Ahead was a large open area of abandoned, dusty cubicles. The items on their desks were left untouched, as if waiting for their owners to return. Shattered glass crinkled beneath each hoofstep. Snow five stories below had piled up to this level, leaking in through the large broken windows. The pipes above sang as we marched in silence.
“You’re going to die.”
I stopped in my tracks.
“I saw your eyes drift away; felt your lungs give out. Not too far from now.”
My heart hurt with each beat, lips drying rapidly. I didn’t know what to say. I looked away from Sea Mist.
“A shattered mask hugging your—“
“It’s an interesting theory.” I cut her off quickly. No more, please.
She enunciated each word slowly. “It's a fact.”
“Prove it.”
Sea Mist froze, mouth agape.
I let out a sigh. Seeing the future, what a joke. Just smoke and mirrors, illusions from somepony who wants to sell you something.I took a few small breaths and moved to the blown out windows.
“I felt my parents die.”
I stopped and turned back to her. She was rubbing the top of her pipbuck. Sea Mist refused to look at me.
"A couple of friends wanted to study at the cafeteria with me, I couldn't say no and I'm glad I didn't. When we get there, the lights are off, then everypony jumps out. Felt like the whole Stable was there yelling ‘Surprise!’ Then my chest goes... how do you– butterflies? Just the sight made me– because the ponies were laughing and smiling; all of them happy. But my mom was in the back, crying in her wheelchair, she was so beautiful. Tears could never ruin that. I always wonder if I will be like her when I get older. I hope I do. It's mom's smile that would whisk the thoughts away, so she could tell me how she couldn’t believe how big I’d gotten. Honestly, the whole world stopped spinning when dad came out of the kitchen. He was floating a cake to me, something he spent all day baking.”
She gave a light chuckle. Tears had started to collect in her eyes. “Dad could barely cook—so many visits from the Overseer scolding him for fires. Funny to think he enjoyed doing it. But th-that was the best thing I’ve ever had. I just couldn’t believe he made it, you know?”
“I bolted into him, so we just held each other. Let the seconds pass by. No care for the future. No thoughts… just warmth. It was supposed to be the best day of my life.” Her voice grew creakier with each word, streams pushing down her cheek.
“Told my dad that I finally mastered that new spell everypony was so proud of. He wanted me to test it on him and…”
I lowered my head and pressed my lips in tightly together. The streams on the side of her face expanded. She was trembling, her words coming out between gasps.
“Mom’s body was writhing next to dad’s. The neighbor was bashing his head in with a golf club. Meat spilling out of him; the place where his face used to be. I couldn’t tell him. I don’t know why. Even when he was putting me to sleep that night. I lied when he asked what I saw. But dad didn’t push; he never pushed. He just said ‘It’s okay.’ And that night t-they…”
Between hiccups, Sea Mist’s face contorted as she let her emotions wail out.
I paused. Anything I’d say would fuck this up. Then again, saying nothing would do the same.
“I...I get it.” I rubbed the back of my mane. “I spent a lot of time angry. All you can really do is just…breathe.”
======= ☢ =======
More of nothing was around the corner. An intersection’s traffic lights lie dormant in the center of the street. The wind rushed to cover them with more snow. I stopped peeking around the corner and nudged Sea Mist.
“Come on.” I creeped across to the other sidewalk.
She dragged her hooves in the snow while following slowly. Sea Mist’s dull pupils swayed around, like she wasn’t really even there.
“Blue, wake up.”
She looked up at me, wide eyed. Faint bags under her eyes. Her fur was muddy and pockmarked. I believe she even lost quite a bit of weight. It was the first time I really noticed just how weather-beaten Sea Mist was. “When are we going to see other ponies?”
Distant gunshots echoed off the buildings, the source completely indistinguishable. A few puffs of snow kicked up just around the corner. Sea Mist peeked around the street corner with me. Three people were coming towards us. A griffon supported by one of the ponies, her left wing completely defeathered, with nothing but a fleshy reddish pink stump left. An open gash stretched from the bird’s armpit to her hip, bleeding onto her shredded jacket. The muscle fibers that hung out of the wound swayed in the wind. The pony with an askanced look was scanning the area with their rifle, ready to fire.
“Sweet Celestia, they need help!” Sea Mist said in a shouted whisper, I pulled her back before she left our cover.
“What?” I held her with one hoof against the wall and focused on the patches on the group’s jackets. They were navy blue silhouettes of a canine's head cracking a wide white grin. A jackal’s head. I turned around to Sea Mist.
“They don’t need it, Blue.” I responded coldly.
“But…”
A single shot rang out followed by a large thud into the ground. It was answered by constant machine gun fire. Bullets whizzed through the air, cracked off chunks of bricks on the wall perpendicular to me. I protected my right ear with my hoof from deafening and Sea Mist did the same.
In only a few seconds, all sound had ceased. The breeze now tasted like carbon and copper. The fighting had stopped.
The snow crunched loudly as a new set of hoofsteps galloped close. “Bandits are dead. That’ll teach them not to mess with us.”
“Strip ‘em. I wanna know where they stashed that artifact from earlier.”
“Don’t move.” I whispered in Sea Mist’s ear.
Howling echoed throughout the street.
“Fuck. Move!” The other group ran directly down the main road tailed by a stampede of large snow-covered dark grey canines, two the size of a pony. Protruding joints connected to their hairless clawed paws. The Trackers’ tongues slapped against the side of exposed, beaten flesh that surrounded their mouth. The clouds of kicked-up snow faded from view as the pack traveled out of sight.
“Let’s not run into them.” I bolted over to the corpses in the area.
Sea Mist wasn’t too far behind. “The ponies or the mutants?”
“Either.”
I turned all of the bandits’ pockets inside out. One of them had to have… there. I bumped my hoof into cold steel in the griffon’s front pouch. A rectangular object. Perfect. I got it out and pressed the power button. Hopefully, it still worked.
“What are you doing to that body?”
I couldn’t hold back a grin as the device’s screen came alive with a white back glow. “Getting us a map.”
“From that pip…” She tilted her head to the side and raised a brow. “That’s a weird looking pipbuck.”
“It’s just a PDA.”
“What can it do?” Sea Mist leaned over my shoulder to look at the slim device.
“Sort inventory, medical diagnosis of the user, automatic mapping feature, biometric scanner, connection to Stalliongrad's secret government facilities, trajectory analyzer.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?!”
“Noooo.” I let the word trail off my lips. “It keeps notes and has a map.”
“B-but what about SATS?” The stable dweller stuttered in disbelief.
“What the hell is SATS?”
Sea Mist didn’t say another word. I smirked as I found the nearest metro entrance on the map. It wasn’t even that far away. Just a few blocks in… well, shit. I stared down the road towards where the pack had gone. Two blocks shouldn’t be too bad.
I turned off the PDA and slid the device into my front pouch. Pushing over one of the ponies’ bodies, I yanked the bandit’s pistol out of its holster. It was fully loaded with 9mm, so easy to fire a filly could use it...and they frequently do. I held out the gun to Sea Mist, but she gave me a repulsed glance.
“Just take the pistol.” I unbuckled the holster off the body.
She puffed out a tiny bit of air. “I don’t even know how to use one of those.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just try not to shoot me.”
Sea Mist gently took the gun and holster with her magic. I waved her along as I trotted down the street. Past the restaurants and stores of the district, frozen in time. The wind had drawn back its powerful hold on the area. It even began to warm up a bit. Eventually, everything became a blurry empty canvas to me. We were only a building away from the entrance.
C L I C K
“Stand still, stalker, or I’ll put one right in your cheek.” I tensed up, stopping dead in my tracks at the command. It was the same voice that killed the bandits. I turned to face the group of ponies trained on me. Dressed in grey coats with red accent colors. A golden sun patch proudly presented on their shoulder. Sea Mist glanced at me, her eyes tight and worried.
“I have no issues with the Old Guard.”
The female unicorn stalker smirked. “Well I don’t see the Party here, so I don’t give a shit.”
She paused, putting out a hoof with her best stone cold poker face. “Give us your artifacts.”
“Don’t have any.” I relaxed my shoulders the best I could. Halfway was good enough for me.
“You don’t have any?” She scoffed at my comment. “You’re a horrible liar. Scan ‘im.”
One of the younger stalker’s horns lit up with a bright teal glow. A ring of eldritch symbols formed out of the snow, encasing everypony there. Sea Mist raised her hoof as lines formed around both of us. The caster glared at me and dropped the spell. “Just give us the artifacts, sir.”
“Being formal now? You can look at one...” I reached back into my saddlebags and brought out an orb floating in my hoof, its blue radiance illuminating off everypony’s eyes. Sea Mist was completely taken by awed bewilderment. The stalkers’ lips were practically salivating at its mere presence.
“As a treat.”
“That Moonlight. Give it!” The lead mare snapped.
I returned the artifact to my bags. “Sorry, but it’s my family’s.”
“It’ll feed mine. It could feed everypony’s here!” She leveled her pistol with my skull. “You can rest easy knowing you’ll be able to sleep toni—”
“Then shoot me.” I cut her off.
Everypony was taken aback. Sea Mist rubbed the top of her pipbuck. “You don’t mean that, do you Wildcard?”
“Look, you haven’t shot me yet and I’m tired. Really fucking tired. Just let me go home.” I had had enough of everypony’s bullshit.
A single droplet of rain broke the tension. It fell gracefully onto the lead stalker’s pistol, instantly freezing into a flower-like shape on the gun’s slide on contact. Another hit the stallion behind her, blacking his coat to a sickly grey. The mare dropped the pistol and the Old Guard stalkers bolted in different directions. I hooked right for the closest building, sprinting as fast as my hooves would carry me.
“What’s going on?!” Sea Mist screamed from behind.
It started coming down harder. I felt droplets fall on to my exposed skin, burning as they flash-froze. I opened the door and let my companion run in first. Spikes of ice shot up randomly like thorns wherever the fat drops struck, piercing everything in the street indiscriminately. The stallion from before was rushing towards me. I held the door shut and watched him through the door’s window. He banged on the frame, screaming then begging for me to open it. Eventually the rain came down in sheets, each drop hitting and encasing the pony in ice. His eyes darted left and right as his body was fixed to the door. He began to tear up, like a lost foal, as I turned to find Sea Mist.
I focused on breathing to calm my rapidly beating heart, each pump contracting my veins painfully towards it. Empty metal clothes racks lined the walls and floor of the ornate, brightly painted shop. It may have been a fashion boutique once, but it felt hollow now. The light outside reflected off the ice and rain, bathing the area in a strong lavender glow. The pale, naked mannequins sat staged in front of the round front display window silhouetted by the light; nothing more than the expressionless watchers. The lead stalker blankly stared through me while levitating a knife to Sea Mist’s throat.
“I need that money for my family. Give me that Moonlight. Now.”
I put on my best face, unslung my rifle and took aim for the mare’s head.
“Are you dense?! Gun down! Moonlight now or this mare—“
I cut her off. “Do I look like a Scout Ranger to you? Sorry, filly.”
Why couldn’t my hooves stop shaking? Fucking hell, if I could just relax then it would be easier to scare them. But I didn’t get the reaction I wanted. Not even close.
“You’re a horrible liar.” She grinned, a bead of sweat rolling down her brow, and tightened the edge closer to Sea Mist’s soft flesh.
I shook my head and spoke around my mouth trigger, “Don’t.”
My heart mirrored the rhythm of the freezing rain. Sea Mist held her breath, pleading with her eyes. She fruitlessly searched around for a way out. I slowly inhaled and exhaled out the side of my mouth. Sweat ran down my muzzle, curving around each of my facial scars before plopping onto the floor. I slowly tongued my trigger.
c l i c k
The color in my face melted away. My rifle misfired. The stalker smiled, tossing her hostage to the ground and charging towards me at a blinding pace. I dropped my gun and drew my own knife from my bracer with my teeth. Her blade whistled as it flew over me. Before I could think, the stalker spun around and bucked me off my hooves. An explosive cough escaped my lungs as I skipped off the floor.
She spun into the air, bringing the knife back for a deadly hit. Crimson magic yanked hard on the stalker’s leg, causing the mare to crash headfirst into the floor. Sea Mist’s eyes shrank to pinpricks as the stalker got up, blood soaking down her teeth, and snapped towards Sea Mist like a caged beast. I chased after the stalker and slammed my blade into her side. She screamed as I dragged the weapon back towards me, bumping as it went over each rib.
She bucked me full force against the wall. The world was spinning. She walked up to Sea Mist, picked up her head in her hooves and beat it into the ground, and I saw blood roll down from the stable dweller’s mane. I lost it as the stalker turned to face me.
I screamed so hard it felt like my vocal cords were snapping. She plunged her weapon into my side as I tackled her wrist. She back pedaled into a clothes rack with a heavy thud. She growled, cracking her elbow into my spine before picking me up by the torso and throwing me away. My mouth filled with the taste of copper as I hit multiple racks, cartwheeling over the final one.
Each breath grew harder as I forced myself up. I stumbled a little as I got to my hooves, just in time for the mare to punch me back down. She quickly pinned me down and began shanking me with the blade she had stuck in my side. Each wet smack forced me to gasp in pain until I was trembling for air. My body felt like it was on fire as the blade was slowly being dragged down my side. The stalker practically salivated at my tiny squeals.
“Amani!” I screamed out.
B A N G
The mare’s head whiplashed as her body fell to the side. Smoke seared off a hole in her left temple. Sea Mist stood to my right, forehead caked in blood. Her face twisted from seething anger to shock. She just stared at the corpse quietly. I groaned as I pulled out the knife and stood up.
“F-f-fuck. Good job.” I searched down the pony’s body until I found her medical items. I ripped open the first aid bag and grabbed the box of syringes inside, injected myself with painkillers before dressing the gash, then I wrapped the cut on Sea Mist’s forehead. She hadn’t moved during this whole process. I didn’t even know if she breathed.
“Come on, Blue. The ponyhole is in the alley just next door. Let’s go before the rain lets up.”
She didn’t respond.
I shook her shoulder. “Sea Mist.”
“Sorry, what?” She shivered, trying to hold back tears.
“We’re leaving,” I repeated in a low tone.
“Yeah...yeah.” Sea Mist stumbled over her words. I grabbed my weapons off the floor as I weaved to the back door.
The alley on the other side of the frame was clean and dry. Rain hammered away at the makeshift sheet metal roofing constructed over the area. Old wood beams supported its weight. I waved my companion over to the ponyhole in the center of the alley. With a small tug, the hatch slid away. A single ladder dove into the dark void below.
“Wildcard, can we talk?” Sea Mist spat out sheepishly.
“Not now.”
“But I—“
I snapped back. “I said not now.”
“I want… need to talk about what happened.” She rubbed the top of her pipbuck.
“I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Look, if we talked about everypony we came across, there wouldn’t be enough words left for the rest of us. Just forget it and move on. There’s more pressing things right now.” I gestured to the hole.
Sea Mist sighed before sliding down the ladder into the darkness. I took one last longing look at the peaceful rain, then the engraved name on my rifle: Amani.
‘Just move on.’
I joined her down the hole.
======= ☢ =======
My eyes quickly dilated to the dim lighting of the tunnel. Rubble, dirt, and bent railroad tracks lay in front of us. A hoofcart encased in spider webs had bones in their seats. One end of the vehicle had been crushed into a large hydraulic metal door. A rusty pony door was tucked into the wall on the left. Sea Mist was aimlessly walking around the space, bumbling over items on the ground.
“Hey, Blue!”
“I can’t see!” Her words were filled with panic.
“Just walk over to my voice.”
She glanced over to my general direction. “O-okay.”
With only a few hoofsteps, Sea Mist trotted into the wall of the tunnel. We could work on it. I helped Blue up and guided her to the nearby side door. The wheel hissed and yawned as I spun it open.
Red.
A single dim, red light creakily spun providing the only source of light to the station. Shadows quickly danced and darted away from its rays. The business stands were empty. The tents next to them had been torn and abandoned much just like everything else. The farm in the central dirt track was overflowing with massive white and tan mushrooms.
The social hub of Sparkle Station, for the first time in my life, was completely silent.
The massive amount of magical imagery stood as the last piece of culture from the city left. A greying mural of a purple unicorn was painted on the largest wall. I never remembered it. Sea Mist approached the mural with glistening eyes.
“Wow.”
I sat next to her and tried my best to read the passage inscribed underneath.
The path of the right is a difficult one, but it is always there. No matter how many times we fall.
They were beautiful words but something itched at the back of my mind. “Who is that?”
“You don’t know?!” Sea Mist screamed in my ear.
I simply shook my head. She could’ve been anyone to me.
“That’s Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic!” She was bouncing with a long smile.
“Wait…” I thought I knew that face. “She’s the head of the Ministry of Arcane Science, right?”
“Yeah!”
“So, face-to-face with one of the ponies that helped end the world. An honor.” I bowed a little to the mural, ignoring the sharp flashes of pain in my side.
Sea Mist punched me on the foreleg. “Stop joking!”
I snickered and got up. “You’re right. Let’s stop messing about to go find civilization. We can leave the egghead to dream in silence.”
She huffed, then followed me through the maze of cloth houses covered with dust to the northern station exit. She looked around at the spiderwebs and dust that covered every nook and cranny. “Did ponies really used to live here?”
“Yeah, I knew plenty of folks from this station.”
We came up on a sheet metal customs house that covered the way out. Towers on both sides of the wall protected the path in and out. The mounted flamethrowers made sure of that. The gate in the center was closed tight.
I entered through the only door on the building and was met with a familiar sight: layers of tiny doorless offices around a single hallway. Crushed folders and crumpled papers rested on every surface. The young unicorn looked around at everything with amazement.
I paused at one office just before the exit and couldn’t help myself from peeking in. Everything inside the tiny room was spotless. An anemone had been placed on the desk. The flower hadn’t withered, but the color had faded to time. A picture was tucked underneath its stem. I squinted to see the details. In the frame were four figures: a young pony, beaming, standing in front of a smiling zebra family. The couple behind held each other tenderly while watching the younger zebra colt mess up the mane of the pony. In the tan colt’s hooves was a patch he proudly presented to the photographer: A partial lunar eclipse.
I bowed my head. It was painful to look at. I… don’t know what to do, Amani, but you would. You always knew what to do. What to say. How to smile. I’m sorry.
Sea Mist tapped me on the shoulder. “What are you looking at?”
“Just somepony’s memorial.”
With a heavy sigh, I exited the room. I didn’t want to waste any more time, so I headed to the door.
“You coming?” I hollered back while exiting the customs building.
The response came as a crash as Sea Mist tripped over a desk. I rolled my eyes at the sound of galloping coming towards me. I used my hooves to scratch my hair impatiently until she caught up.
“Wildcard, everypony down here thinks you're dead. Don’t they?”
I smirked. “That’s right.”
“So, how do you plan on telling ponies?”
“Let’s just say I’m working on it.” I started walking down the tunnel.
Sea Mist’s eyes darted in every direction, not pausing for too long before glancing to another dark area. Then after a few minutes, she completely stopped in her tracks.
“What is it now?” I groaned with a raised brow.
She pointed to the ceiling; a pair of crimson eyes stared at us from the darkness.
The eyes disappeared. Both Sea Mist and I looked around for where it went. Sea Mist shakily pointed her pistol at the roof, paranoid at the tiniest sign of movement. I took a deep breath and just listened to the tunnel. The sounds of leaky pipes echoing around us, the soft crunch of dirt and gravel under our hooves and the creak of ceiling til—
I stabbed the barrel of my rifle around towards the shadow, but I was too slow. The creature lunged at blinding speed, knocking my gun away with a single strike, kicking Sea Mist into the tunnel wall and pinning me to the ground. A silver baton that extended from the side of their forehoof, brushed the fur inches from my forehead. The light of the station shined onto the grey face of our assaulter as they pressed their other baton into my throat. The pony’s ears were fuzzier than normal. They bared razor sharp fangs and stared into my soul with her crimson viper-like eyes. Bat wings spread out wide.
I knew that face. “Dusk...?”
“Serenity?!” The cracking in her voice almost brought me to tears. The batpony’s facial expression softened as she got off of me, retracting her weapons and squinting.
I stood up and shivered at the pain in my side. “Yeah.”
Dusk happily embraced me. My coat began to feel clammy as the grey mare nuzzled into my neck. Was she crying? She doesn't do that. I felt myself begin to blush as Sea Mist looked at us, raising an eyebrow.
“You still owe me a whole magazine,” Dusk said, but I could feel her smirking. She pulled herself back and looked at me, frowning. “What happened to the pretty stallion’s face?!”
She touched my scars with a free hoof. I softly swatted it and turned away. “Don’t worry about it, I was just being an idiot.”
She sighed. “Always playing the role of the klutz, huh?”
“Could someone explain to me what's going on?” Sea Mist cut in.
I turned to the unicorn, who looked like an impatient, needy filly, and raised a hoof. “This is Dusk. I grew up with her.”
“I get that part, but how come a magazine is so important?”
Dusk used a wing to muffle her laughter. The batpony then used the same wing to beckon the younger mare forward. “She’s definitely new. Let's get to Dry Station.”
“One final thing.” Sea Mist tilted her head. “Who’s Serenity?”
My vision started to softly blur at the edges. I lifted my hoof closer to my face to see it soaked in blood. That wasn’t good. “Well… shit.”
The last thing I saw was a smirking Dusk catching me with her wing.
“You really are a tired klutz.”
Chapter Four | Warm Hearths For Cold Hearts
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter Six | One Bad Day
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter Seven | Into The Ring
Chapter Seven:
“Passion is the friction between one's soul and the outside world.”
To be honest, I shouldn’t have slept using the journal like a comfort toy. My chest was sore, my neck stiff from the hard edges of the binding. Even the corners of my eyes were stained with jabs of pain. I stopped myself from groaning so I wouldn’t wake up Sea Mist, who was peacefully curled up and snoring away in the sheets.
I checked the timepiece in my bracer… then I checked it again.
I overslept.
That felt strange to think about. When I do sleep, it’s never more than a few hours at a time. Yet it happened. Yesterday really broke me. But what amazed me more was that I dreamed. Not a nightmare or a quick black void, but a real dream. I couldn’t remember most of it, but it was about somepony of light. A hero living to be loved. To be idealized and copied by those long past their trials and tribulations. To celebrate their improved world and be celebrated for it. To awaken each morning without guilt…
To know their work is done.
Another cryptic message from the Infinite I would have to ask my nana about. I would have to get used to that whole dreaming thing again. Actually, there were a lot of things to get used to now. It kind of felt like I was forgetting how to remember, before I met Misty. Not like, actually forgetting memories, of course, but I think being alone with me for a while has affected… Well, me .
I had a lot of time while writing to think about each friend here and how shitty I’ve treated them. What is wrong with me? Could I fix that? Do I still deserve it?
I got up and placed the journal in the same pouch as my PDA, exiting the guest room. If I wanted to start being better, then Silver is whose peace I wanted most.
Only Hoarfrost was in the dining room, coffee in his telekinetic grip. “Morn’n!”
A groan was the only response I could give, my vocal chords were a desert. He frowned a little and poured me a mug while grabbing a nearby box. “Sugar?”
I shook my head.
“Suit yourself.” Hoarfrost slid over the mug into my hooves. I quenched my mouth’s dry spell in three seconds without a care towards the burning on my tongue. Not like I could taste much of anything, anyways…
“Fifteen cartridges per cube… I’m not one for sweets and my bullets can’t deal with that sort of hobby.” I glanced around. “Okay, where’s everyone, and don’t you have another baby to kiss or something?”
“Fight nights, I get off to focus. You’d probably call it a ritual.”
“Okay, and…?”
“The others,” He finished off his drink and poured himself another cup. “Are exploring the station. I believe the couple went to the gunsmith to see what we use here. That cute pegasus said something about the… magic reactors , I think? He was bouncing around and speaking way too fast, but I'm pretty sure it was something mechanical.”
“Huh.”
“Since your chaperone is busy radioing the Order base, why don’t you explore around?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh wow… Does that adventuring come with assault? Sounds fun.”
“You know what I meant.” Hoarfrost lightly sang. “You know… I heard a little smoked fish restaurant opened near the hospital.”
My ears sprung up on their own. Forget the coffee, I was awake now. Fish first, then Silver Tongue. I knew he wasn’t expecting me, but I hoped he wouldn’t mind waiting a meal… or ten.
Hoarfrost slid a small pouch over, it stopped as it clanked against my drink. “Tell Spicy Broth I say hi.”
“I don’t really like how you did that.”
His head recoiled back a little. “What?”
“The action with what you said makes it seem like I’m either going into an ambush or sex dungeon.”
Hoarfrost spat out the drink he took onto the counter when I finished. The unicorn barely caught himself from falling as he half-laughed, half-choked. I’m surprised he didn’t notice it first, but I didn’t think it was that funny.
“Whelp, try not to die.” I grabbed the pouch of bullets and threw them in my vest, leaving him to slam the table like a drunk uncle at a party.
Back to the grimness of the streets below. It wasn’t all bad; I could get used to ponies not bothering me and just going about their day. Their presence alone as I squeezed my way past was enough social interaction for me.
My stomach rumbled, shaking my body. “Hehe…” I got the message and began trotting faster.
The restaurant was a cube of random materials at the end of the street corner with two open walls, discolored tarps hung from the roof hiding the patrons on the stools inside. A few of the tables outside were filled as well with ponies munching down on ukha, sinigang, lohikeitto, and many others. Fish was always one of the few dishes, with real variety, that dwellers could enjoy. For a higher cost of course, but it was worth every single bullet.
I stepped inside to an open kitchen with two cooks in long aprons: a young mare with her hair worn up and a towering blue stallion with scars running all over, accenting his muscular frame. Snapping fish heads off with just his hooves. He must be Spicy Broth.
“Cider. Cider ,” The stallion whistled and the second chief rushed over. Cider took over fishes. Spicy Broth smeared the blood into his apron. “How can I— oh, a stalker? Well I’ll be damned. What can I do for you?”
“Sinigang, please.”
“Da, so you’re not from around here. That’s great! I usually have to get a bit forceful to sell the dish,” Broth filled a bowl from a simmering pot on the stove. “So what got you into zebra cuisine?”
“I’m from Friendship. Just grew up on the stuff.” My mouth started to water from just the smell! It may not be home cooked but hopefully it’s still good. Not even a millisecond after he placed the bowl in front me, I was tearing into the fish bits. The oil helped melt the meat away on my tongue with the hint of salt and pepper just piled onto it. Sour heaven is the only way to describe it.
“North… interesting. You know, the zebra mares from there have some nice asses.”
I stopped chewing to stare at him. It didn’t seem to faze him.
“I mean perfect. Hell, they’re basically begging ponies to fuck that—“
“Dad! Fucking disgusting!” Cider hollered at him.
“Come on, honey. You really think those weak, feminine stallions are what they want? Oh yeah stalker, that’s three cartridges.”
What the fuck was wrong with this guy?
“Cider, I buy you books, send you to school, and for what? They don’t even teach you the real history— that fuck Hoarfrost is only trying to make everything striped just like the school system,” Spicy Broth shook his head. “Celestia! Think of the children. You know what I was taught? They took the surface from us . Anypony that tries to spin the truth needs to beat up like the traitors they are.”
Wait…
My heart began to beat so hard that I could taste the blood in the back of my throat.
“They’re fine to assimilate but if they believe that can destroy our culture, those zigg—“
I cracked the bowl over Broth’s head and hopped over the counter. His daughter screamed while the rest of patrons were frozen in horror. I kicked him in the head as he tried to get back up.
“What’s your problem?” Broth growled through bloody teeth.
“My brother didn’t die so fucks like you could insult him.”
“Fuck are you on… oh! You’re that little traitor. Nice to know that—“ I began to slam my hoof against his skull…
…And I kept stomping. Long after they stopped trying to resist and began to sob. Their face looked something closer to a disfigured, wheezing pulp than a pony. Not even exhaustion could stop me.
But why wasn’t anypony? Cider didn’t know what to do. She just cried, pressing against the counter. Gradually, I stopped.
Did Hoarfrost… know?
Through the spaces between the privacy tarps, I watched guards patrol right past. Wolf watched from one of the tables outside. When we locked eyes, he simply got up and left.
Hoarfrost knew .
I tossed the pouch of bullets my “friend” gave me to Cider.
I needed to relax. Quick breaths, in and out. But my breathing still staggered. I just needed to leave. Just go. J-just… yeah.
No more detours. I went directly to the hospital and approached the secretary pony at the front desk. They already knew who I was here to see; nicely pointing to a room in the back. I nodded and moved, not planning on letting what I did sink in. Hoarfrost could have it later.
A well dressed mare stepped out from Silver Tongue’s room, three colorful balloons pinned to her collar. She softly smiled and waved as she walked past, “Hello.”
I nodded to the mare and entered Silver’s room. To an untrained eye, it looked like the doctors just put him in a bed, only removing the rod from his forearm, not bothering to even clean his blood off his coat, but it was quite the opposite. A rock glowed from inside the bandages that wrapped around his hoof like a cast. The artifact was slowly pulling the dried blood back into his body.
Silver Tongue was completely enthralled by it. Repeatedly, wetting his hoof with his own blood to only watch it fly through the air to his wound. He chuckled, “Wow.”
“I do that too.” My smile made Silver pause for a moment before returning his own.
“Wildcard, all this is just… wow. I’d like to think I get it now, but how could anypony abandon society like this? Actual doctors, medical— I saw those… shit, what do you call the buildings with… you know.”
“You mean restaurants?”
He nodded. “Yeah that. Sorry, my everything feels tired.”
I pulled over the doctor's stool from the corner and sat next to the bed. Silver frowned as I smeared blood over the cushion.
“Another fight?”
“Wouldn’t have called it that,” I turned away from his scowl.
“Have you tried talking to Blitz about the anger? I’m sure he can help.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. What if one day you can’t win a fight you start, huh? I don’t want to—“
I cut him off with a snarl, “To what? Stop me? Save me?”
“I don’t want to bury you.” Silver sighed.
Of course, he’d say that. How does anyone even respond to that? It’s a beautiful trap in language. A little white lie we say to try and convince ourselves that we’ll… I said the same thing to Amani, but I guess I lucked out…
…I had to say something though, push the lump out of the back of my throat.
I sighed, “You’ll never have to.”
He sighed before shaking his head.
“What?”
“It’s nothing.”
I simply raised a brow.
“Fine,” Silver chuckled. “I wasn’t expecting a one liner. Kind of cute.”
“Shut up.”
He winced in the middle of laughter, tenderly grabbing his wrapped hoof.
“You know, I never wanted to leave ,” I shifted the stool cushion. “I love my home, but–”
I groaned and scratched the back of my mane. “Love burns us. But whatever, that’s the past. I’m interested in what that mare was doing in this room. Don’t tell me ponies are falling for the hurt puppy again.”
“Well,” It looked like Silver wanted to continue the last topic, but instead he shook his head. “No. She was asking about me… Wait shit, I mean my body ? Said my blood was different from others and that ‘the Party’ would be interested in working with me. I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what the pretty mare was talking about. I just nodded along like I did.”
“Oh fuck. It’s been a while since I had to think about that… How long did the doctor say you had to stay?”
“A couple of days till all the blood was back and a few more till my bone was repaired? At least that's what they said.” He raised an eyebrow.
“So artifacts do work slower on you. Tha-that’s really cool actually.”
“I’m only going to ask: why ?”
“Well, those here are born different. Genetically, we’ve been altered by all the magic bathing this city. It’s not bad … Well most of it isn’t, but some folks lose the draw, being born physically with something… strange : dragon scales across their back, an opposable tail, claws. Stuff like that and worse,” I sighed. “They call us the Children of the Zone.”
“Zone?”
“Just the name we use for the surface: the Zone of Alienation, or Zone if you like it short. I have no idea why it’s called that. Please don’t ask ‘why’ again.”
“Huh,” Silver leaned closer to me and smirked, “So, what’s your ‘superpower’?”
I sighed. “Oh, I actually don’t know. That’s gonna be a pretty common answer if you ask others, so don’t take it too personally. Not a lot of folks want to risk their life to find out they can eat wood or something.”
“That’s not a thing.” Silver smirked.
I paused and facehoofed. “You’ve seen a tree made out of pure light, but you draw the line at eating bark?!”
“I have to draw a line somewhere.”
That was fair to be honest. I guess personally, my line was misplaced a long time ago.
“So did Red Eye…”
“Uhh… sorry, did I miss something?”
“I didn’t stutter, did I?” He leaned back into the bed.
I shook my head.
“Did you know I heard all those grand speeches with a bruised face through a single ear? I don’t get why ponies even hate zebras anymore, but that wasn't the question rattling in my head while they beat me for looking like one. Honestly, I’m still trying to… understand why Red Eye personally stopped it. J-just why?”
I shifted my voice down. “Silver, I didn’t know…”
“I didn’t really want to tell anyone, but that’s not a choice anymore.” He shook his head. “Did he care? I mean… Did I do something t-that made me special?”
“I hope you’re not expecting me to answer.”
“Of course. I’m just being… poetic’s the word, right?”
I shrugged. “Dreamer, huh? Careful, you might turn into one of those wasteland heroes.”
“Only in a dream. Plus, heroes are perfect, not deaf in one ear.” Silver giggled and played with his right ear.
“You don’t need to be a hero to make a difference.”
“What?” He gave me a blank stare.
“Oh sorr–”
“I’m just messing with you, it’s the other one,” Silver composed himself. “I still can’t understand why he… I hate him for it. He marked me different than everyone else.”
I bit my tongue. He was more than the pony I met back in Manehatten. Even more than my blood brother. He’s a mirror pool.
I must have been unknowingly scowling, because Silver Tongue’s expression instinctively changed, like that of a brother.
“Sooo…” He rolled the syllable with tongue. “When do you leave?”
“Oh… umm… a few hours, give or take.”
“Where? It’s not too much to ask, right?” He asked softly.
“Home. I’m headed back to Friendship Station… shit !”
He jumped a little. “What?!”
“I don’t have a passport anymore. Fuck’n shit, shit ! What about Blue? I don't think we could even get into the Ring stations without them…”
Silver’ eyes were wide and static, he was completely confused at my quiet rage. “A… a what?”
“Travel documents in a small stapled book about you: station of birth, religion, etc. You need one to enter most stations.”
“So me, Blitz, and the couple are going to need our own.”
I shrugged. “If you wanna travel, basically.”
“Wait… why didn’t we—?”
“The Old Guard is lenient towards ponies versus other species.” I interjected.
Silver pressed his lips into a thin line trying to process the information. I could guess that behind his eyes he was deciding on how he felt about this. It left him visibly distraught, every extra second he thought about it. So, he wanted more time to think and he moved on. “Huh… I guess it’ll be a while till I see you again.”
I shook my head. “I doubt that.”
“Why?”
“If I were smarter, I’d give you a really damn good reason why, “ I hopped off the stool. “But instead, it’s just a feeling.”
I could feel the trembles in the bandage hoof he grabbed me with. “Don’t say that. You know we will meet again.”
“Unlikely.” The lie even hurt me.
Silver Tongue pulled me in for an embrace that I accepted. He was trying to break me, I swear. Locking his hooves together like a colt behind my back. I don’t know why the warmth felt so fleeting.
“We’re still friends, right?” He whimpered.
I guess that’s why.
“Yeah… ” I pulled away and stopped when I got in the door frame. “It was nice knowing you.”
“You too.”
I wished someone else would just stab me, but no. I didn’t deserve that. Silver certainly didn’t. I could only hope that he would understand why I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do.
Hopefully.
======= ☢ =======
A few hours of wandering in the slums of large, tainted military tents led me to a curious sight. Blitz was just ahead helping a mare, her aged face blackened with grime in the trenches of their… scales . She greedily sucked from the canteen. The water rushed down the sides of her mouth and her webbed claws. Other ponies trotted by without care nor a look.
“Slow down, Foxglove! You don’t wanna choke.” Blitz tilted the canteen back a bit.
Foxglove let out a series of coughs after pulling her lips away to breathe. “Sorry!”
Blitz shook his head, noticing me standing there as he snickered. The mare stared up at me, pushing her limbs closer to her chest. My dark armor rig with bullet dents and marks clearly didn’t put her at ease. I kneeled and tapped my shoulder. The pony’s face softened after seeing the fading lunar eclipse.
Blitz cocked his head. “What’s the symbol?”
“Understanding.” Foxglove put it better in one word than I could do in a hundred.
“Under… standing? Hmm…” He rubbed his scruff of chin hair. “A little optimistic for a symbol, don’t you think?”
“Maybe, but not for us,” She gestured to her face scales. “To be honest, I thought Rangers were a myth.”
“Most are, but I’m not.”
The lamps glimmered in her eyes as she smiled, a flickering light that didn’t even dare to touch the frightening and bewitching span of infinity above. I wondered if her dreams could even reach that high?
“Mind dealing me in?” Blitz pointed at me with a wing.
“It’s just a group of stalkers who don’t care about the gifts you were born with. Unlike some folks…”
He huffed. “I guess you can’t escape the past, can you?”
Both Foxglove and I nodded our heads. Even if he was probably referring to the Enclave for the thousandth time, he was right, but it was a little different in these tunnels. People only cared about bullets. A simple scale of showable power with each one planned to be used. It was a little morbid, but you could replace cartridges with corpses. Tea? Only a single soul. An artifact? Foal’s play. Eighty dead stalkers, on sale, too. Anyone who tried to introduce a new currency like caps, would be laughed at. How was a piece of tiny circle metal gonna save your life?
“Could you imagine what a society like this could do for the wasteland, Wildcard? Medical advances like out of a comic book. You guys literally have mundane looking magic items that tell the law of reality to fuck off. Don’t even get started on the magic reactors!”
“Wasteland? Like the surface? I think the early dwellers tried once…” She scratched her head.
“Sorry Foxglove, but this is gonna be confusing to you,” She mouthed ‘okay’ just before I continued. “Look Blitz, culture is different down here. The wasteland might be wild and dangerous, but everyone here didn’t forget the war. Hell, some think they’re still fighting it. Not even the end of the world could kill our bad habits…”
Blitz looked down at his hooves. “Hate . I got it.”
“No. Fear ,” I shook my head, pointing to the murals, posters and guards littering every available space. “The Old Guard… this station runs on that. Almost everyone has a recorded history, except for the Old Guard societies. They ebb and flow to focus on what keeps them in power. The only history that’s known for sure, is that this faction was built under the shadow of the Equestrian ministries. I can’t tell which ones— I never focused on that shit in school— but it’s clear that it doesn’t matter now.”
“B-but the En—“
“Stop, just stop,” I cut off Blitz. “The Enclave lied to you. History is classist. You think pure pony or zebra history is gonna claim they did anything even remotely wrong? N—“
“You don’t think I know that?!” He snapped back, causing Foxglove to shrink into the floor. “That I’m some… umm… fuck’n stupid, complacent hoof soldier? What I was going to say was— don’t interrupt me!”
I lowered my objecting hoof.
Blitz exhaled hard. “The world messed up. I get that, but don’t you think submitting to nihilism is just wrong?”
“Yeah, I—“
“Exactly. So, what’s the point?” He interjected.
I tried my best to eliminate the deep twisting growl in my voice. “As much as you want to be blind to the decay of the past around you and move on, that is not how the world works. Even folks like you and me are affected by the past. That’s why the Old Guard still fight Stripes. In their eyes, room in heaven is limited, but hell is open free of charge to all.”
Blitz’s brow tightened, raised, then relaxed unsure of how to express his feelings. I simply sighed and put a hoof on his shoulder.
“It’s right to be kind and care for others, especially when we’re lost. I’ve been having problems with that lately…” I let my voice drone off on the last word.
Blitz sniffled and longingly looked at Foxglove, not in romantic drive but from a place of deeper love. Something more ingrained in our souls.
I gave him space. “Blitz, I… ahh fuck… Everyone trapped in these tunnels are different. My father said it best, but sadly I’m gonna butcher his poetry. ‘Everyone is born with gifts, regardless if it’s visible or hidden. It’s who we are.’”
Foxglove nodded at words.
“But,” I shifted into a darker tone. “The Old Guard doesn’t believe—“
“You. Get up.” I turned to see a pair of heavily armored officers staring down at the mare in the gutter. She uncontrollably shivered at the shadows entrapping her. One of the pair flicked off a switch on their pistol and Foxglove jumped to hooves.
I grabbed Blitz’s hoof as soon as he thought to step in. His face was twisted in disgust at my action against him, but I didn’t care. It felt like an anomaly, slowly and purposely trying to unravel my heart into strings of flesh. But couldn’t let him make a scene that Hoarfrost couldn’t control.
“Smart friend.” One of the officers scoffed before turning back to the mare to snarl, “On the power of the Sun and the behalf of Pinkie’s Party, you need to leave this station now, mutie.”
I let them walk her away, tears trailing her exit. Blitz ripped his hoof free away from my hold.
“What the fuck!”
“Blitz.” I tried to gesture from him to settle down but he wasn’t having any of it.
He grinded his teeth. “Her family lived here their whole lives... Explain. Now .”
“They don’t like those who don’t look like ponies.”
“But what about other species, like griffons?”
“They tolerate them until they need a new enemy to fear.” He turned to me horrified, maybe hoping I was joking. I could only bow my head. The old world was dying and the new one was struggling to be born.
“Attention one and all!” A voice echoed through the alley. “The fight of a lifetime at Apple Arena! The Community’s very own golden bird: Shrike Tyson! Versus our reigning heavyweight champion!”
“The Devil, Hoarfrost.” The announcer’s tone sharply deepened.
The Devil ? Damn, that one is just bad.
“Sorry to cut this short but,” I sighed. “I need to go talk to him before the fight.”
“Yea—“
I pulled Blitz in for a quick hug trying my hardest to squeeze every last drop of warmth from his body. He was speechless.
“It was nice knowing you.” I whispered.
======= ☢ =======
Artifact power spotlights danced around the entrance of the concrete open dome. Ponies, griffons, yaks, and deer of all ages and economic backgrounds huddled through the gate where a ring of worn orange and white stood. The disembodied voice from earlier was passively observing the crowd from within the ropes with a smile. Then she removed a piece of glowing gum-like substance from her pocket and popped it into her mouth, chewing away vigorously.
“Attention. Attention!” She sounded off after a few coughs to overpower the noise. “Please take your seats! Our main event starts in five minutes!”
Everyone returned to their hushed wave of excitement.
“Sir,” I glared at the hoof blocking me. He shook his head. “No weapons in the arena.”
Begrudgingly, I rocked the magazine free from my rifle and top it off with the bullet from the chamber before handing over the gun. The guard slung it onto her back before pointing to a door off to the left. “The Chairpone is in the locker room. He wanted to talk with you.”
I nodded after looking her up and down. At least I didn’t need to wait till after the fight to ‘talk’ with him.
Hoarfrost tightened the straps on his gloves with his teeth, unaware the door had opened. There was sweat both on his brow and the punching bag next to his bench. I smelled vomit but couldn’t see any in the half gym, half locker room until walking past the open shower.
“I can smell the fish on your breath.” Hoarfrost chuckled.
“You knew?”
“I told you,” He sighed. “We had heroes.”
“Ponish, fuck’n speak it. Save the pretty words for somepony else.”
“Okay, how do you think I stopped the war? That I prayed? Begged ?” He punched his gloved hooves together. “I hurt ponies. Destroy their belief in power. Ponies exactly like Spicy Broth, whose power comes from the perception of it. Just like the Party. And someone has to remind them they’re not the king.”
“Maybe I spent too much time on the surface,” I tightened my brow. “But is this really how the world works?”
Hoarfrost turned to look me in the eye and nodded. I shook my head. “So this is a game to you?”
“Don’t be facetious. I am not using pawns, they are. Hell, I’ll punch the world back into shape, alone, if I have to.”
“You think that’ll work?”
“It has so far.” He scoffed. “Also fuck off, you know that deep down you wanted to hurt that bully.”
Hoarfrost covered my muzzle before I could even respond. “Put a fish in it. What? You want me to ask you how it made you feel? Fine. How did it make you ‘feel’?”
“Sour …” I grimaced.
“Seriously, a one liner? What are you gonna break out the shades next?”
I scowled. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Oh? What’s wrong with me? Serenity, you can’t even let yourself seem happy! You know you’re allowed to be, right?”
“Not like that.”
“Like what then, huh?” He groaned.
“I don’t know.”
“Find out. Ask your little stable friend.” Hoarfrost pressed his lips into a thin line and got off the bench, shaking his head. “She’s stumbled into hell but she still smiles. Even the devil needs to grin a little sometimes.”
“So you get to give one li–”
A scrawny pony in headset popped his head in from the door. “Chairpone Hoarfrost, you're on in thirty.”
The motherfucker smirked at me gleefully before spinning around towards the pony. A little filly squeezed into the door and charged towards Hoarfrost, skidding into a spin as she got close. She was given a head rub. “Hiya! So you won the talent show? Wow!”
The filly giggled as he helped her onto his back and exited the locker room.
That two faced son of a bitch…
“Sir, the chairpone has a reserved seat for you ringside.” I almost forgot the skinny pony was still there. Rolling my eyes, I left the way I came from through the crowd towards the ring. The mixture of pony, griffon, yak, and deer chants melted into one singular drone of indiscernible noise. Signs, hooves, and claws punching the air. A few ponies were walking between the aisles selling refreshments. The ring side seats were filled with party members dressed in their finest snake skin, even the mare from the hospital was there, and…
“Howdy!” Gage waved then winced as Honey Tea punched him in the arm. She whispered something in his ear, which I could only assume was scolding. What a silly pair. I plopped down next to Honey. I must have been given the best seat in the arena because I could see both locker room entrances, each bathed in their own colored light.
The announcer popped up onto the stage and extended her hooves out to the thrilled crowd that roared as the lights dimmed. “Ladies and gentlecolts! We welcome you to the Apple Arena in the beautiful Sunlight Station as the Underground Boxing Association presents the featured bout of the evening. Sponsored by Pinkie’s Party and the Community Commission, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! Two titan-size champions in twelve rounds of boxing for the undisputed UBA Heavyweight championship of the Zone. Now… It's showtime!”
The spotlights exploded, beautifully washing over the audience with practiced bravado. I could feel the air of anxiety from the fans fluttering out of their shakes and screams. When the announcer seemed pleased with the reaction, she proceeded, “Introducing first, on my left, fighting out of the blue corner!”
The darkened cerulean silhouette of a griffon with wings spread proudly hovered before flying towards the ring. With a thud, he landed to a mixture of boos and cheers.
“Wearing black mitts from Iron Station, Community! He has a professional record of 57 victories, including 34 K.O.s, and only 3 defeats. The challenger, Lightning Shrike Tyson!” She rolled every syllable out of the golden griffon’s name, milking the crowd for everything they had. I got why called him ‘lightning’ as he jabbed a flurry of blows onto an invisible opponent.
But the tone of the arena changed as soon as the blue light over the locker room entrance went out. The floor shook as ponies all around began stomping their hooves in rhythm. “And, on my right, fighting out of the red corner!”
Bathed in crimson, Hoarfrost’s shadow reached out all the way to the center of the arena. The stomping increased in speed as he sauntered over the ring.
“Wearing purple mitts, he has an undefeated professional record of 71 victories, all by knockout! Your reigning champion! The Devil of Sunlight Station: Hoarfrost!”
He ducked his head in and out of the ropes, which must have been another one of his rituals, before finally entering the ring. Hoarfrost didn’t puff out his chest like his opponent nor even shadow box. He stood looking down straight at me. I couldn’t tell if it was his mask or not. My brother told me a great stalker could see into someone’s soul. Doesn’t matter if they wear a mask, hat, some reflective shades, or a hoodie. You can’t hide, and I liked to believe that I could see Hoarfrost.
I thought the announcer was the referee too, as she brought the two to the center of the ring and spoke in hushed tones to both of them. After a few heartbeats, they retreated to opposite corners. I was sure she was the ref as she removed a matchstick and rusty bell to strike it across. The match disappeared as the bell burst into flames causing Gage and Honey to jump in their seats. The fire didn’t seem to hurt the mare as she pressed the artifact into the floor of the ring. A wave of flames pulsed from the arena. One of the food vendor’s magic vanished causing him to drop his tray of grilled mushrooms. He started crying as his boss came by to scold him.
The starting bell turned my attention back to the ring. Shrike and Hoarfrost approached each other. I could barely keep up with the rapid sucker punches from the griffon. Hoarfrost had no time to react, taking blow after blow until he spun and hit the mat. The audience hollered as the referee began counting him. Hoarfrost punched both gloved hooves down and picked himself up before three.
Again they met in the middle, same story. Lightning struck twice, and again he was on the ground. Hoarfrost got up this time before five. It was hard to watch his face become bruised again, but he was knocked down to the floor once more. Shrike breathed heavily, their gloves more red than black now.
What arose the third time… wasn’t him.
Hoarfrost’s pale green eyes went blank, like he was dead. He walked forward slowly–the knots of his mane drenched in blood and sweat– not putting up even a single hoof to block. My heart dropped as the griffon slammed a hook into his jaw causing his head to snap to the side. Hoarfrost looked straight at Shrike with a smirk. He said something to his opponent, a single word. I think it was ‘please’, but whatever it was scared the griffon. Shrike’s eyes went wide as he tried to get away from the pony, but it was in vain. Hoarfrost caught him, trapping him in the corner. He finally threw his first punch at the chest, then jabbed the face… followed by an uppercut to the chin… he didn’t pause even when the griffon began falling. Hoarfrost grabbed his falling body and put him back up to hit again. It was like the world vanished around him as he– I got it now, why they called him The Devil . He was letting it out.
I wish I didn’t know what he could be feeling deep inside, but lucky me. In the ring was me and Spicy Broth. A broken pulp of blood that apparently used to be face. Hoarfrost wouldn’t stop until his hooves broke, or Shrike did.
The referee got in between them and the bell rang. They called it a T.K.O., his 72nd one.
======= ☢ =======
“Hell of a fight, bud.” Gage patted Hoarfrost on the back as we traveled down the alley.
I smirked. “Yeah, way to block with your face.”
“Wildcard!” Honey Tea punched me in the shoulder.
“Relax. He’s not wrong.” Hoarfrost, his face battered and swollen, waved a hoof. Honey huffed, rolling her eyes in response.
“So, when are we leaving?” I felt like it was the perfect time to ask.
“Now.”
“Now?”
“Wait, leaving?” Gage and Honey said in unison during our conversation.
I nodded. “I’m heading back home and… well, Hoarfrost wanted to come. But Hoarfrost, what do you mean now? What about our stuff?”
“Dusk took care of it. She and Sea Mist should already be waiting for us at Lunar Square.”
“And what about passports?”
Hoarfrost blew a raspberry. “Passport? Come on. You’re with me. You don’t need one.”
He probably never even lost his passport before. Fuck me, this is gonna a rough trip.
“So, it was nice meeting you two. Real lovely couple–”
Hoarfrost stopped in his tracks followed by Gage and Honey then me. A young mare stood not a few steps in front of us. A revolver leveled at us with her magic, pupils the size of pinpricks. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, nervous, or on the verge of tears. I don’t think it mattered much to Cider what I thought… but I deserved this. If she shot me, I wouldn’t attack or try to help myself. Just accept my actions as solely my own.
Gage had a different idea. He tenderly approached Cider, making notes about how his body language made her react. He towered over the mare by at least two and half times her height. Gage kneeled down, the revolver now aligned with the center of his forehead. Cider flinched as he grabbed the gun with a claw and pressed into his head, not removing his stare from her. Loud silence followed by the revolver being crushed as Gage closed his fist, parts raining down to the station floor.
“Go home, kid.”
The words caused Cider to fall to the ground into a mess of tears. Ponies that passed by only glanced at her before going about their business. No one would care about another soul.
I know I was supposed to feel something like… sadness? Remorse? But I couldn’t explain why I didn’t feel anything. What was with me? Maybe Hoarfrost was right.
I think I’m broken.
Hoarfrost gave a light tug on my jacket. “Let's move on. We shouldn’t make your friends wait.”
We split off from Gage and Honey, traveling the same back alley that we did as foals. It was all the same. The same bodies in the gutter. The same eyes in the windows. The same oppressive shade from the taller buildings blocking out wall lights.
Was this all we are? Selflessly focusing on nothing but bullets and preparing to kill those who could be friends? What if I killed Spicy Broth? Would Cider have shot? Would Gage have crushed her skull in retaliation? What made me special enough to be given the right to kill someone else? …Was it just because I had a powerful friend?
I thought I was gonna vomit. I can’t take another life if I don’t have to.
Chapter Eight:
“It’s hard to imagine this place was actually packed with life once, but that’s what’s important. There was life .”
“You know, they say if you listen closely, you can hear the whispers of dead ponies.”
Just ahead, Sea Mist was in awe at Dusk’s stories about the ribs and veins of the tunnels. I was more interested in how Hoarfrost had looked like a bruised tomato not a few hours ago, but now was fresher than a mango from Midnight Station. Not a single hair was even out of place.
“You can just ask, I won’t bite.” He snickered.
“It’s nothing.”
He dropped his smile. “Then stop looking at me like that. Do you have a question or not?”
I grumbled and trotted a little closer so the other wouldn’t hear us. “What’s up with…” I circled my face in the air with a hoof.
“Oh? That’s my gift ,” Hoarfrost winked. “I have a perfect immune system.”
“Did you find it falling off your silver throne?”
He pouted. “Not cool.”
“Wow!” Sea Mist gasped as we entered the station.
The station, if you wanted to call it that, was horrifying. A place that evokes a kind of twisting pain in your chest that makes you wonder if the world is really surviving… or if it was always like this before The Beginning . Where the homeless in Sunlight station at least had abandoned pallets or clean concrete to sleep on, these shivering folks had rotting paper and sheet metal. Everyone was huddled around dying fire barrels or just open flames that left the floor blackened. The shadows of rats raced across the walls. The wasteland with slavers, raiders, and cowboys at least had an excuse for a place like this, so primitive and forgotten. The metro had none.
Sea Mist stuck close to the center pillars of the platform trying her best not to look at the world around her. When somepony tried to break the faint spell of joy over her, me and Dusk would simply glare at them. They would cower and shift back to the warmth of the flames.
I sniffled the coming tears back. “Please tell me you’re gonna change places like this.”
“Huh,” Hoarfrost’s surprised expression actually disgusted me, but then again, he’s been on a roll with that. “I promis—“
“Don’t say promise . Friendship station has officials just like you. They promise this and that because they know what words we like to hear and how most of us will forget the promises a week after they are reelected. Give me more than a promise.”
He spat on the ground. “Serenity, you’re here to protect me from the Party. I hate that you think my promises are worth the same as every other bureaucrat’s.”
“I don’t weigh trust by what a politician does. I tally how much they lie and let me tell you… I’m not here because I like you.”
“B-But,” he gasped. “What about the journal and letting you stay in my own home?”
“What about the filly who's crying at her father’s bedside, wondering how she’ll pay for the bill?”
Hoarfrost finally bit his tongue for once.
“That’s what I fucking thought.” We returned to silence after my comment. I could feel the heat of rage building up in that suit or maybe it was just the flustered checks he wore so well.
“I actually want to help.”
“Could you say that a little louder please?” I tilted my head.
He was practically speaking to the ground in front of his hooves. “I actually want to help.”
“And how’s that been—“
Hoarfrost raised his head to scowl. “Can you stop being a dick for like five seconds? You want an explanation, but talk over me when I try to give one.”
He did get me there.
“I…” He sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. But we have roughly 40,000 souls in these tunnels and hardly anyone knows each other. I don’t collect scars from bullet wounds or knives because I stand with the politics of the Old Guard. It’s because I want to stand with the people. I want to know each one.”
I didn’t know how to feel about that. Can you really say you care for all if you have expectations? He almost sounded like… Silver .
“Why does that single bully’s life affect you more than the ones that die in stations like these? Do you think ponies here would care?”
“I—“
Hoarfrost sighed. “If I die, do you think they would care about me as much as I want to care about them?”
“I don’t think you get it yet. Are you really selfless if you ask a question like that?” I sped up to walk closer to Dusk and Sea Mist, leaving him behind. His answer didn’t matter because it wasn’t a real question. Hoarfrost needed to stare into the mirror I gave him for a while, alone.
“Woah, what did you do to him?” Dusk pointed back with a wing.
“Nothing yet. Just gave him food for thought.”
Sea Mist’s stomach grumbled. “I want food…”
“Well,” I patted her on the head. “Not much longer ‘til the next station, Blue.”
Dusk elbowed my side. “You seem chipper.”
“Don’t like it?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” She shook her head, giggling.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about the last few days and…” My smile at Sea Mist caused her to squee. “I wanna try something new. Be less angry.”
“You’re going to finally be happy?”
I rocked one of my hooves back and forth. “Ehhhh… I don’t know if I am. Can’t really tell if it’s real or fleeting yet.”
“I can help!” I recoiled my neck at Sea Mist’s boop. It felt weird, but that magic in her eyes— that same magic Amani had— made it less weird.
“Shit, I thought you were going to drown in your— sorry, hold on.” The small radio on Dusk’s jacket lit up green and buzzed. She rolled her eyes before pressing down the gem button on the side. “This is Rook, go for.”
“Rook, this is Hashbrown. Sixteen wants an ETA until homeplate.”
“Seriously?!” she scoffed before pressing the gem again. “Tell Sixteen… umm… a week, maybe.”
There was a long pause from the radio operator. “Noted.”
“Good, Rook out.” Dusk rolled her eyes.
“Dad on your ass again?”
“You think he ever let up, Serenity?! Like holy shit, I have a life and a job!”
“Maybe he just cares about you?” Sea Mist whispered.
“I know he does, Misty, but he’s just gotten a little crazy ever since my mom’s been sick.”
“How is your mom doing?”
Dusk sighed and looked at me. “She hasn't changed at all. I guess I should be happy about that at least but… she keeps forgetting, and it’s just a little much.”
“What happened?” Sea Mist’s ears drooped. “Is she okay?”
Dusk didn’t answer, instead smiling and messing up Blue’s mane. Sea Mist pouted as we continued walking.
“Don’t take it personally,” I leaned down to Blue to whisper in her ear. “I don’t know either. I’m sure she’s happy you asked.”
Sea Mist answered with a paper thin smile. “Okay.”
Hoarfrost finally trotted up to us as we reached the other end of the station, where a line of ponies stood leading into the tunnel ahead. It was a little hard to make out where it ended, but still we waited for our turn.
Slowly and silently, the line marched forward towards a sturdy checkpoint. A simple table next to a pile of sandbags, machine-gun and spotlight aimed directly at the line coming through. A large buck with an even larger rack sat behind the nest watching the crowd be checked in. He must have been the commanding officer of the guards there, judging by the little threadbare blue beret he kept trying to shift comfortably between his antlers. The griffons with their misty blue jackets, similar to the deer, sat by and watched as a yak silently nitpicked through the documents of the folks coming towards them.
People were kicked out or reluctantly admitted. One poor stallion we passed had been rejected and was sitting by the side of the tunnel, head in his hooves. From time to time he would try to plead with one of the griffons who pushed him back every time to call up the next in line. Eventually, the stallion stood his ground stating it was unfair that they searched him and denied him for clumsily forgetting to declare a weapon. The guards retorted by tying him up and leading him through the service door next to the table, never to be seen again.
Now, the griffons were gutting the jacket and saddlebags of some old mare, who was screaming the same chants the stallion earlier did. I’d almost have felt inclined to side with her, if the guards hadn’t whistled at the sight of several pipe grenades bouncing onto the table from her coat. She wouldn’t dare to give an explanation, instead hissing and hastily disappearing back into the homeless station’s omnipresent darkness. The deer gave a hearty chuckle when he heard the sound of tripping. “Voi vittu… hehehe. Next!”
That was us.
The yak merely stared at our gear for a moment before letting out a long sigh. She pointed at Hoarfrost first, then Sea Mist, Dusk, and finally me.
My heart fluttered with worry as soon as passports started being run through. The yak barely even looked through Hoarfrost’s documents before giving them back. She only looked at the cover of Dusk’s. Her eyes darted between Sea Mist and me. While Blue was extremely confused, I sighed. “She doesn’t have one and I… lost mine.”
“Of course pony did.” The yak said in the most monotone way possible followed by a stern groan. “Empty pony items on table, or Greta will do it for pony.”
A burly griffon, Greta, she had to be, with the smirk on her beak that begged me to say no, stepped up. Too bad I complied, dumping out my saddlebags and various pouches on my rig. They stopped Sea Mist from doing the same after the second stack of postcards she shakily placed on the table. Thank the spirits they did, because I don’t remember how the Community stands on children with guns.
At least emptying my bags meant the dust and crumbs could fall out too. My rifle, four full extra magazines, my PDA and journal, a pair of Embers, and a small pile of extra cartridges from my vest were all spread out, alongside my stale granola bars, canteen, bag of bolts, medical supplies, tape, and Moonlight from my saddlebags.
“Rabiga wants to know about this.” The yak picked up the Moonlight.
I could’ve bit the hoof Hoarfrost shoved in my face. “That won’t be necessary. They’re with me.”
“Rabiga don’t care.”
He scoffed. “I’m the head of–”
“Rabiga don’t care.” The yak repeated again. No stronger emphasis. No bite. Just the same monotone throughline.
“Listen,” Hoarfrost slammed his hooves onto the table. “He is a stalker. You see this symbol on his armor! I hired him for guidance and protection. I would greatly appreciate it if you'd let him and the filly pass.”
“A stalker, huh? No shit, and Order too? Well… isn’t that nice?” The deer trotted over the table with a smirk. “Are you aware of how many people claimed to be a stalker, Order, or both around here?”
“A lot. I assume.” I shrugged.
“Huh.” He pointed at me to the rest of the guards. “Helluva head on this one, eh? So stalker , I’m a gambling buck. How about this…”
The captain quickly scribbled down a few words on a piece of scrap paper with a pencil from his coat. He folded it before sliding it over to me. “Get us that and I’ll let you pass with official Independent passports. Sounds like a deal?”
“Come on Serenity, let’s get this over wit—“
“No, no.” The deer cut off Dusk. “Only those two can get it. You folks are already good to go.”
I leaned into Dusk’s ear. “I’ll be fine.”
I knew she hated the situation, I couldn’t help but feel the same way, but I should be fine.
Hopefully.
“Joo-hoo!” The captain whistled, offering his outstretched hoof. Sea Mist quietly tried to mimic the deer, but kept getting tongue-tied on the first part.
There was clearly no other way short of trying to make it across the surface to the next station with a connection open. Even then, I’d probably have this problem again and again. So I shook his hoof. “Fine.”
“Good. There’s a ladder in the service tunnel, so grab your gear.” He stopped as he sauntered back over to the machine gun. “Oh and don’t run, or Greta will put a round in your head before you can make it a meter.”
It wouldn’t be home without the straight up threats. Can’t blame the folks that have to deal with posts like these and ponies like me. I did my best to put everything back into their right bags and pouches.
“So…” Sea Mist creeped up to Greta, who raised a brow at the small pony in front of her. “What does your name mean?”
“I’m a griffon, honey,” she snickered. “Our names don’t mean shit.”
Sea Mist mouthed a tiny ‘oh’ before returning to my side. It was a nice try at small talk, but griffons don’t do that sort of thing. At least, from the tales I’ve heard. Not really in their culture.
“Hey,” Dusk leaned next to my ear. “I know Seventeen talked with you about this sort of stuff, but be careful. We can wait here for a while. No need to rush, Serenity.”
“Like I said: I’ll be fine.”
“The last handler to say that was believed to have died… until recently.” Her sigh buzzed my ear drum.
I didn’t want to comment. She won the argument, and knew it too with that smile. Dusk didn’t need any more ammunition from me.
I looked directly at Greta. “Lead the way.”
The griffon groaned as she pointed to the door next to the table. Sea Mist pranced in front of me towards it. “Ummm… Blue?”
“What? He said ‘only us’, so I’m coming along,” she retorted proudly.
I looked to the captain for support, but he just nodded in agreement, because of course he would.
It was time for me to let out a groan. “Do any of you have a spare detector?”
One of the griffons was about to say something, probably a joke about me not having one. Feigning shock and that whole dance, but I was quicker to punch. “It’s for her, dumbass.”
“We do have one… right…” The deer rolled his tongue while digging through a box hidden from sight. “Here!”
I took out three rifle magazines and placed them on the table. “I don’t care about the price, but ninety sounds fair.”
He looked at the other guards for confirmation and they nodded their heads. The captain tossed over the anomaly detector, which I quickly taped to Sea Mist’s pipbuck. She tapped on the device’s glass after I let go of her hoof.
“I’m fine if you wanna come, but you stay real close, okay?
Sea Mist smiled.
I turned back to the griffon again. “Greta.”
“And one more thing.” The deer’s voice caused me to tilt my ear to him. “Good hunting, stalker .”
She guided us through the side door into a tightly packed hallway of pipes, guns, and black dust scattered on every surface it could touch, including the soles of my boots and hooves. Greta fully stopped at a ladder tucked into the wall itself, not dusty at all. Rusty sure, but it was well used. She rapidly tapped a talon on the floor while I studied the hole up. I guided Sea Mist to climb the ladder first, so as not to test the griffon’s clearly thinning patience.
Blue had a little bit of trouble pushing the ponyhole cover off. Straining and huffing until it slid to the side into the… mud? I raced up after Sea Mist to see— oh, shit.
Our detectors immediately began ringing.
This was something I’d only heard rumors about. Tales that sounded too far fetched to believe, even for the Zone. I didn’t believe it because Amani didn’t believe it. What would he think now, if he laid eyes on a section of the city entrapped in so much thick, vivid green? Apartment buildings that didn’t have a single crack in their walls or chips in their windows? Natural trees, vines, and grass everywhere, when the blue sky above was still hidden away behind a dark gray lock? This was truly a snapshot of the past that dug its hooves into the ground, and when Armageddon said ‘move’, they softly replied ‘no’. Yet impossibly… the long daggers of cold still surrounded us, waiting to strike.
Blue was frozen. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the most green she’s ever seen in her life, too. A silent ‘wow’ left her lips as she followed the buildings that surrounded the square upward. “It’s so beautiful.”
I moved the muscles that made me smile. My brain stalled as my own words betrayed me. It’s funny how language can do that to you. Eventually, I could only force out a single response. “Yeah.”
The place must have been a small park before, just judging by the overgrown pathways we walked down. I flipped open the paper the deer had given me, and felt my heart sink. It simply read:
Empty,
Center of Miller
“What’s a Miller?” Sea Mist read.
“Stalkers always try to avoid them… they’re epicen— cages of multiple anomalies bouncing off one another. Kind of like a grain mill.”
“That’s borderline suicidal… what’s a grain mill?”
I shook my head. “Ahhh… That would take a bit to explain, so don’t worry about it. Just know, we’re walking straight into it.”
“Well… I guess if we survive we’ll get legends about us!”
I just gave her a dead stare. No anger or disappointment. Hell, I was unsure if I meant to do it, due to shock.
Sea Mist cocked a brow. “What?”
“Blue, I’m gonna be forward here. What do you think the average lifespan of a stalker is?”
“I don’t know, but I like the way Dusk talked about the job more than you.”
“Really?” I scoffed. “And what did the bat say?”
“You called them idiots. She described them as heroes.”
“Did she now?”
Blue nodded her head. “Dusk said they fight off the dangers of the surface to give needed supplies to the stations. Sure they get paid, but I think someone has to either be selfless or insane to do that. I’d like to believe it mostly the former. Do you know what I mean?”
I picked a direction and started walking, waving for Sea Mist to follow. “Everyone’s different, Blue. And if we’re gonna keep chatting about this, can we at least start looking for the center of this place?”
“Okay.” She trotted after me. “Then why did you want to become a stalker?”
“That’s simple.” I let out a sigh so long it almost brought me to a few tears. “My brother was one and I wanted to be like him.”
We would have a better chance of spotting the core from the roofs or, if reaching them wasn’t possible, a high apartment would work too. I started checking door knobs; most were surprisingly locked, but eventually I did find one that wasn’t. The hinges of it whined as I pushed it open.
I pulled out my Moonlight to illuminate the darkness in the entrance. The walls of the lobby at the edge of the light were a beautiful shade of green, with ornate patterns of gold to accent it. The smell of flowers covered every surface, but yet… there was no vegetation anywhere. No eviction notices on doors, or graffiti like complexes outside of the Miller, unless you counted the children's drawings on the doors we passed climbing up the stairs as ‘graffiti’ . Honestly, I wouldn't be startled if a family walked straight out of one of these rooms. Maybe a college student, tripping down the stairs more than running, late for a class. The staircase windows displaying life in the world below with smiles and conversation. The silence made everything here just feel hollow instead.
I saw Sea Mist pout out of the corner of my eye at my displeasure fueled scowl. She tried a warm grin to cheer me up but she should’ve expected it not to work by now, so instead she asked a question that would. “Well, tell me about your brother.”
“Amani?”
“You have another one?” Blue shot back cheekily.
I brushed off the comment. “How do you describe a sibling? Do you want me to tell you about everything or just the really dumb shit he did like eat dice as a colt?”
“Everything.” She giggled.
“Well, Amani was prideful— not in a self-centered way. He’s more… honest about his faults. He saw the world as it was and hated it. Amani wanted something better.” I paused when we reached the top floor and started checking for unlocked doors. “He wanted smiles. Tried his hoof at fixing a system that probably wanted him dead. All of that pain, those scars, for what? There was hardly anything to bury.”
Sea Mist was a tad petrified.
“Sorry, my mind wanders a bit.” I tried to scratch the embarrassment out of my head and hide the coming blush with a smile. “He was good. The best brother anyone would be lucky to have.”
“That’s why you have his name on your gun?”
I shook my head. “No. His gun.”
“How old is it?” Blue studied the rifle as it rocked against my back on its sling.
“Pre-war.”
Her mouth was left gaping as I found an unlocked apartment near the end of the hallway, and slowly walked inside, scanning the corner and air with my detector. When it was clear, I sauntered past the jackets that hung by the door and strangely pristine food still sizzling on the table, over to the balcony. Blue didn’t follow me. Instead she booked it over to the dinner table, drooling over the steam wafting up to her snout.
“Don’t.” She stopped inches away from taking a bite. “We don’t know if that’s even safe… or real. Just don’t touch it.”
Blue’s stomach loudly growled, and she smacked herself in the face with a hoof, then followed me outside to gaze at the streets below. It was more of the same from what we could see.
“What do you think ponies even did before all this?” Sea Mist piped up.
“Honestly, I’ve never put much thought into them.”
“Okay, but do you think they ever thought the end of the world would look like this? Or even the snow out there? Ever felt that emotion of knowing the end was coming, but just not when?” She leaned over the railing, a little too much for my liking, to try and take in more details of this lost world.
“You mean that feeling tugging around the edges of your heart, trying to pull it deeper into your chest?”
“Yeah, do you think they ever stopped to actually act on that instead of doing whatever they did to ignore it?”
I rubbed my chin hair. “No.”
“Cool, I was thinking the same thing.”
We stood in silence, unsure of how to continue the conversation, so we focused on looking for anything that looked… impossible. But what Sea Mist said really started to bother me. Was I feeling a bit of fear from her words?
“So,” I cleared my throat. “Mind telling me where those thoughts came from?”
“You.”
I choked on my own words. “What?”
She didn’t answer, just kept her shit eating grin on.
“Seriously! What do you mean?” I continued.
“I just have a little of your personality in me.”
Even with a deep breath, I completely failed to understand what she meant. “Do you know how little that answer helped?”
“Hmmm… Yeah. I just don’t really know how to put it into words. It’s like I can… feel what you're thinking ever since I felt your past and future. Maybe it has to do with the spell? We never really finished testing. Perhaps if time is relative, then maybe memories are…” Sea Mist blushed and started rubbing the top of her pipbuck after realizing she’d been rambling. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t worry about it. I actually found it kind of cute,” I quickly reassured her.
“You really are trying your best to be happy, but what would old you think?!” Sea Mist playfully teased with a shocked expression.
I let out a snicker. “Don’t care. I hate that guy.”
Blue rocked back and forward on the railing. I’m sure she wasn’t looking for the center of the Miller anymore. Her mind was focused on another task. “I never got to finish the last topic we talked about.”
“The one about existentialism?”
“No.” She shook her head. “The one about stalkers.”
“Okay, shoot.” I dragged my words cautiously.
Sea Mist blushed again. “So I was wondering… do you think I could be a stalker like you one day?”
“Why?” The question escaped my lips before my brain even processed what Blue said.
Why would she ask that? Blue never grew up with the legends about them killing Wendigos or saving whole stations from sickness. Stalkers tried to rob innocent people— yes it was us, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. She wants to be one?
“So?” I can’t believe she ignored me.
“No.” I shot through her with my tone, but instead of reluctant acceptance she asked one question I hate more than anything else.
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t deserve to die like that!” I snapped. “No one does.”
Sea Mist shrunk into the metal grates of the balcony due to the sudden outburst.
“I-I’m sorry.” I turned to try and hide the red hot shame on my cheeks.
“No, I shouldn’t have brought it up, knowing what happened.” She rose up from the ground. “I just think anyone brave or crazy enough to risk their lives for others is a… hero . Something a balefire wasteland could use a lot more of.”
“If that’s the case, then the wasteland has plenty of heroes. I'm surprised the world hasn’t been ‘saved’ yet.” I gave heavy air quotes with my hooves.
“‘Heroes are nothing more than damaged goods.’ That's what my father said all the time,” I continued. “I would trust him too, he’s a doctor who met a lot of heroes’ families. Drunkards, abusers, or, if they’re lucky, no one… just like mine.” I chuckled at an old, blurry memory that resurfaced. “Dad’s little hero . That’s what Amani called me.”
“Serenity, don’t quit. You can try to be a hero like your brother again. You don’t have to change right now. It’s just important that you try.” Sea Mist looked down at her hooves and began tracing the grate.
‘It’s just important that you try. ’ For a moment, I saw him scolding me for…
“Don’t. Quote. Him.” I subdued my anger with a deep breath. “We both know how this story ends, just like abandoned letters on a kitchen table top. No hero nor villain, just me choking on air. No amount of praying or fleeting joy will change that.”
“You just hate that I know more about him than you’d like.”
No. I hated that she was more like him than I wanted to admit. Blue quoting his every word… it was off-putting to me. An uncomfortable chill ran up my spine. “Could you please stop trying to deconstruct me?!”
“I—“ Her ears shot up. Her head swung side to side. “Do you hear that?”
“What?”
She walked back inside the apartment. “That buzzing.”
I followed her as she checked everywhere, from the dining room to the bathroom, every book on the shelf, and even the jackets in the closet. Blue found nothing.
“I just don’t get it! That sound has to be coming from somewhere.” She stomped the ground.
“You could’ve just told me you didn’t want to—“
An unintelligible whisper cut me off. It echoed just behind me, except this time I heard them. “Floor.”
I turned around to find nothing but air. Why the floor? A nice wood sure, but…
I pulled out my knife and jammed it in between a small gap below my hooves. The floorboards actually popped out pretty easily. It was hard to tell what was underneath. Maybe it was rot, or some weird concrete mixture? But after a few more boards, I was sure what was under them was alive.
Fleshy, snake-like objects twisted just below our hooves, slithering and rubbing against one another. Sea Mist, her face turning green, backed up into the wall, trying to get away from the exposed area. It fascinated me. Was everything flesh underneath? I had to know.
I knocked down shelves and shoved furniture to slash the wallpaper and chip at doors. The same flesh was there. I even cut into the couch to find the same thing. I slid my hoof under one of them and pulled it out to watch it just move, blood slowly trickling down my coat. I saw it now; the room began to pulse. The intact wallpaper was breathing. Millers weren’t just anomaly dens. They were living anomalies. Anomalies that felt more alive than even me.
“Stop playing with it! That’s gross!” Blue squirmed. “Let's go!”
I ignored her and studied the flesh as it moved sporadically, but with purpose. Something pulled at me to head right. Sea Mist was already ahead of me, leaving the apartment to go all the way downstairs. I raced after her through the lobby down the street. She must have seen something. Maybe Blue felt what I did.
She finally stopped with a look of shock.
“What happened?” My question didn’t faze her. Instead she pointed.
Chunks of concrete, wires, and flesh all pierced out of the ground into a building that floated just above. What wasn’t connected, failed at its attempts to mimic the basics of what a building was. Triple stairs, pieces missing, twisted out into the sky in all different directions. The higher the building rose, the more abstract its form became. Flat walls molded into hard, sharp, geometric cubes that shifted and spun, creating more cracks in the complex. At the very top, along with pieces that were held on by nothing more than wires, everything was indescribable. Colors I’d never seen glimmered for a moment, before turning into something else. Periodically, pieces would vanish and reappear. Everything was in constant motion up there, and our detectors screamed at it.
“Serenity!”
I glanced over to Sea Mist. She had wandered over to the left side of the building. It was stalkers. Griffon and deer corpses spread all over the ground. From their intestines grew budding flowers and tree bark. The only pony in the group was plastered against the wall like a damn art exhibit. Their blood and coat, or what I could assume was it, painted a mixed backdrop of colored moss behind bones. The moss formed words, not any that could be read in Ponish, but something closer to musical arcana. Arcana from a body whose eye sockets bore daisies, trying to hide the depression in the cheekbones. Whose tongue was still somehow wiggling, like a slug trying to speak, in the hole where their jaw used to be. How many souls took that checkpoint captain’s bet? Did they surround us, or were they poor stalkers who wandered inside the Miller, blinded by profit? Was I even asking the right questions?
Sea Mist shook her head and looked away from the graveyard. “What do we do?”
“I-I don’t know.”
It was getting hard to breathe. I unstrapped my vest and let it dangle around my neck so I could fill my lungs to their full capacity, but fell short every time. My heart slammed against my rib cage with every gasp, pumping blood to every inch of my body, to run. It didn’t matter where. Just away from here. My head battled with my heart. ‘No, the passports!’ It hollered at my body to stop. I’ve never even heard of rumors like this. Has anyone ever survived a Miller? ‘Yes!’ My brain responded. ‘How else would we even know they exist?”
I listened to my head, strapped my vest back on, and began taking deeper breaths. “We need that empty.”
“What?!”
“You wanna be a stalker? This is it.” That was more for me, than her. “Now relax and let’s find the artifact, okay?”
“Okay, okay.” Sea Mist was still visibly shaking as she nodded.
We went back to the first angle we saw the impossible building from. Not once did the anomaly detectors change from their droning scream. So, I reached into my saddlebags, grabbed a hoofful of bolts, and chucked them out. While two of the bolts landed peacefully on the ground, the fate of the other ones shook me to my core. Each one was eviscerated into a fine brown powder. I didn’t want to imagine what would happen to a living being.
Blue held onto my jacket as I repeated this process all the way to the base of the building. It was much bigger than I could imagine. Sure, it didn’t reach the heavens, but it made a massive crater, hundreds of meters deep, into the ground below it. Sharp pieces of rock shot off the crater, just to float for a few moments before being slammed back down. Was the Miller studying? Finding material to repair the broken floors above?
I guided Sea Mist up one of the shifting staircases to the first floor. The Empty had to be there, if the bodies were any indication, and I was right. Blue pointed to a griffon on the other side of a hole in the broken tile floor, cradling an item. One of two copper discs, flawlessly perfect, in their talons. Nothing held them together, but still the bottom disc was connected to the top that the stalker held. There was something else next to him, too. Something moving, that his back covered.
“So, what now?” Sea Mist asked.
I kicked a piece of flooring into the hole in front of us, watching as it fell only a few meters before being reduced to powder. “I guess we try the edge. At least the concrete there isn’t floating over the damn death pit.”
Sketchy couldn’t even describe the piece of floor that made a path to the other half of the building. It made my heart jump as Sea Mist took a deep breath and began crossing, the tile creaking and sighing with each hoofstep. I carefully tiphoofed behind her, watching exactly where and how I placed my hoofing. The thud of the Miller firing rocks back into the ground matched my heartbeat.
“Umm…” I almost bumped into Blue as she suddenly stopped. “I don’t think you can cross.”
I looked over at her. The floor drastically narrowed the rest of the way. No way I was jumping it, either. We were only halfway across. Sea Mist’s look of dismay up at me hurt my soul.
“Do you think you can make it?” I asked.
Her ears shot up. “What?! What about you?”
“You’re really worrying about me on a ledge instead of yourself? Sweet, but a little misplaced. I can just wait here.” I put on my best tone of reassurance.
“How about I try to levitate it over here?”
I shook my head. “You suggest that now, not back there? Blue, I didn’t think you could do it, but I’d love to be proven wrong right now.”
She nodded and pressed her eyes shut. Sea Mist’s horn began to glow as did the artifact. Each little tug was followed by a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead. But no matter the growls of strain from her, the corpse would not let go of the artifact.
“Blue, it’s fine. Just go ahead of—“
“No!” she shouted.
Sea Mist leaned over the edge and whipped back her head. The tiles under her hooves shot out and just like the Empty, her body flew. I grabbed her collar, heaving Blue back onto the ledge. Her breaths were uneven and shaking, but the beam in her eyes was of rebellious pride. She did move the artifact… from the griffon's body to the middle of the floor over there.
“I told yo—“
“Don’t fucking start with me,” I scolded.
I may have saved her this time, but spirits, that pride will get her killed.
“I just did what you would’ve done,” Blue said as she finally started walking back over the narrow ledge.
“No…” I thought for a moment. “No, I wouldn’t have.”
“I can’t hear you!”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. Maybe she got a little too much personality from using that spell on me. Even copied my walk as she approached the Empty. Sea Mist picked up the artifact and gave me a smile, then my heart stopped as my disembodied friend from earlier whispered again in my ear. “Floor.”
B O O M
Time slowed as a rock from the Miller’s core shot up just a little too high versus the ones before. The top of it punched directly through the bottom of the floor Sea Mist was standing on, with thunderous applause from the building itself. Cracks raced away from the impact site turning the floor into a slide down. She panicked and threw the Empty back towards the corpse, who was still on level ground, as she tried to kick her hooves into the tiles for some, any hoofing. But she wasn’t slowing down. Sea Mist was speeding towards the hole.
I saw stripes. I couldn’t explain why, so I acted.
I kicked off the wall towards the floating bits of floor and stone. As downright fucking stupid hopping from platform to platform was, I didn’t care. Blue was almost to the edge and my heart was in my throat, its beating drowning out everything but her scream. I leaped off the final rock to kick Sea Mist up towards the corpse, hoping she could grab the more stable tiles. I had a different fate.
It was funny looking at the view from halfway down. I couldn’t even say I was scared at that moment, hurling down to the embrace of invisible death. The world almost seemed to move in slow motion; I could see bits of rubble exploding as they crossed the threshold of the anomaly beneath me. It was all just a weird joke. One I couldn’t help but feel like I deserved.
But I was cheated from my fate as something grabbed my back, causing me to whiplash in midair. My right hoof still scraped the outside of the anomaly. It ripped the sleeve to strings and skinned a good chunk off me.
Whatever it was could fly and throw. I was tossed backwards into the wall next to the griffon corpse, breath exploding out of my lungs. My vision tunneled so hard I only closed my eyes to halt some of the pain. When I opened them, Blue’s misty glare was the first thing I saw. Her punch to the chest was the second thing.
“Why’d you do that?!” Sea Mist’s whine hurt my eyes.
“For you.”
She pressed her face into my chest and kept punching me. Each one slowly grew weaker until she just wrapped her hooves around me. “You would’v–”
“Yeah… sorry.”
My mind hyper-fixated on what happened. The only thing I was sure about was that Sea Mist probably didn’t see it, whatever it was. Maybe I was lucky and an anomaly launched me? It was hard to think of explanations that made sense. Because if that was a being, then I think we definitely had bigger problems than passports.
The white hot pain screamed for attention and destroyed my thoughts. My sleeve was practically gone, now more singular strings and chunks than unified fabric. So much for that patch job from Gage. He’s gonna be pissed when he sees this. I winced as a gust of wind blew against my newest wound. Blood poured more than leaked from my flesh. Flexing the tiniest muscle in it would lead to sharp, jabbing pain. I tried my best not to get any blood on Sea Mist as I reached around for my medical supplies. Eventually, I had to gently nudge her to move, which she did, to actually grab the kit.
Sea Mist unzipped the pouch and floated out a few supplies. “Don’t worry. My dad was a doctor too.”
“Hehehe… No shit?”
She simply nodded.
“I guess I’m in good hooves then.” I held out my wound for her to begin dressing.
“Did your dad teach you medicine?”
I couldn’t help but squeal, tears blurring my sight, as she poured on some isopropyl alcohol from my supplies. “E-enough to know you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Wait, really?!”
“Yeah, it burns healthy cells along with cleaning so ultimately it just slows down healing.” I groaned out, then paused to narrow my brows. “What was he a doctor in?”
“Pathology,” Blue responded. I had no idea if that was a real thing or some made up word to cover up her mistake, so I just nodded.
She started wrapping my hoof. I stopped her halfway and grabbed a syringe out of the orange box in the kit. After a deep breath and a quick jab, I let her continue.
“So…” Sea Mist finished bandaging. “Are you and Hoarfrost dating?”
I spittaked. “What?!”
“I-I just thought I’d ask since we seem to have time.”
“Blue, I don’t like anyone like that.”
“But…” She tapped her hooftips together repeatedly. “Dusk was giggling and making little kissy sounds the whole time you two were arguing.”
I raised a brow. “Did she now?”
If Dusk wasn’t better at me in hoof-to-hoof combat, I’d smack her when we got back. But even that didn’t stop that bat before.
“Then are you and Dusk —“
“I already told you. No one,” I cut her off. “I think I know how to love… well, in that way at least. Don’t understand why folks need to do it .”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right pony yet?” She shrugged.
“I understand your naïveté, but no. Sorry, Sea Mist, but that’s not how I work.”
I could tell she was still confused. Maybe she would understand later, or just blindly accept it. Either one was fine with me. I’m sick of people treating me like I’m ‘broken’.
I picked up the Empty and placed it into my saddlebags, then turned my focus to the corpse. Their pockets were filled with nothing more than lint and a few spare rusty bolts. I leaned his body to the side and finally got to have a good look at what he was resting on. It was another artifact, an amorphous, wavy collection of black goo. Surprisingly, the artifact held its soft spherical form quite well even after I picked it up. I remembered the firework workers using these on holiday for Friendship Station. Black Licorice is what I believe they called it.
Sea Mist watched in horror as I bit off a piece of the artifact and began chewing before placing the rest in my bag.
It even tasted a bit like— ohhh… I get it now. Holy spirits, is that salt too? Eww .
“Blue, you don’t believe that stalker flew over the death pit, right?” I said between chews that dried my mouth every passing second.
She shook her head.
I couldn’t help but grin. “Good, you didn’t get hit in the head.”
“You’re gonna ask about that wall, right?”
The wall Sea Mist pointed at was clearly different from the rest. It was freshly painted yellow verses the various tones of red brick walls that were filed next to it.
“I’m not a filly.” She smirked.
“Clever girl…”
Blue almost punched me in my bandage but pulled her hoof away just before contact. “Shut up!”
I shrugged and spat the Black Licorice onto the yellow wall. The artifact stuck into the surface with no problems, and was no longer moving either. Sea Mist recoiled in disgust until I kicked up a nearby rock at it. The Black Licorice exploded upon physical contact, ripping the wall away, revealing a third staircase behind it. Blue’s jaw dropped.
I leaned down to her height. “Pretty cool, huh?”
She nodded.
As we made our way to the stairs, I stopped just at the top and looked back. I felt like something was watching us. Not out of view, but something like the anomalies themselves. No matter how long I stayed, I doubted I would find anything more than just dead air. That’s what scared me. With a shudder that raced up my whole spine, I followed Sea Mist down the stairs.
======= ☢ =======
I was impressed that Sea Mist didn’t biff the landing as she slid all the way down the ladder to the tunnel below. She was skipping towards the checkpoint door as I reached the bottom myself, humming away a tune. At least somepony enjoyed themselves.
The guards’ jaws dropped to the gravel floor as I walked out into the main tunnel. Hoarfrost and Dusk both sighed. I smirked while placing the Empty on the table, making sure to keep a mental image of each of their shithead faces of disbelief.
“Where’s my passports?” I locked eyes with the deer captain, who shook his head and dug into the same hidden box as before. He popped up with two small books, hastily stamping and filling them, before ‘gifting ’ them to me. “Thanks. Can we go now?”
“Sure,” He grunted.
My muscles felt like they were on fire, my legs attempting to lock up, as I led the group forward. That short time long-jumping over shit left my body feeling like it had been crushed by a cave-in. And I just wanted to sit down. I also was glad no one asked about what happened. I wasn’t too much in the mood for talking either.
After a few minutes of walking, we were finally crossing the red banners of the next station’s entrance. For a station boasting itself as Amity Station, the place was a shithole of complacency: a low hanging ceiling with massive arches that lined the walls. At least they had some fluorescent lighting, a very rare commodity, to illuminate the small three story apartments made of mostly mud bricks built in between the gaps. Stalls and tents were arranged down the center of the hall with their backs facing the rail, which was dug and replaced with crops that a few farmers were watering. All the ponies here conducted business in low hushed voices, as if afraid to disturb somepony next to them. Even as I walked down the makeshift streets with my rifle lightly bouncing on my back, I couldn’t help but notice a strange sensation of tension that hung in the air… or maybe, that was just the tension in my joints. I couldn’t tell the difference. Maybe there wasn’t one.
“So, pretty boy,” Dusk trotted in sync with Hoarfrost. “Where are we staying?”
“The Castle. I won’t stay anywhere else here,” He retorted.
Fights for the every-stallion yet won’t mix with–
A tug on my tattered jacket sleeve and a grumble broke my train of thought. Sea Mist looked up at me with the largest, roundest eyes I’d ever seen as Hoarfrost took the lead, guiding us– on what I could only hope was the direct path– to The Castle. I was gonna ask her to wait till tomorrow but her stomach grumbled once again in protest.
“Hey guys, me and Blue are gonna find a bite. That’s not a problem, right?”
They both shook their heads at my question.
“Just look for the crown sign when you're done!” Hoarfrost hollered back as they disappeared down the street.
“Whelp,” I sighed. “Let's find out what special type of mystery stew they serve here. Come on, Blue.”
We didn’t have to wander for long. Halfway down the right side of the tracks was a community dining area. Dining time, judging by the lack of ponies, had already finished. Few remained at the long picnic-style tables and even fewer were in line for firsts or maybe seconds. I gestured to Sea Mist to find us a spot which she happily skipped away to do. I filed in line, psyching myself up for this dreaded, but required, bit of verbal interaction. Luckily, the cook wasn’t really in the talking mood. She pointed to a little sign listing yesterday’s, today’s, and tomorrow’s only meal choice and its price, before returning with two bowls and a pair of dry muffins for… holy shit! Twenty-five cartridges?! Why don’t they just ask me to sign away my first born, huh? It took a heavy heart to count out each one of those rounds, but seeing Sea Mist possibly cry again scared me more than poverty.
My heart skipped a beat when I walked over to the location she picked with our food. A unicorn mare much taller than me was chatting with Blue. That blue and gold winter jacket wrapped around her torso unsettled me. The heavily modified and suppressed pistol on her hip didn’t help.
“So Stable 11, huh? What was it like there?” The dweller asked.
“Well, it…” Sea Mist’s eyes were darting around trying to find anything to dodge the question. She lit up when her sight landed on me. “Serenity, finally!”
She put her face directly into the stew right as I gave the bowl. Finally getting to sit down myself, I pressed a little closer to Blue and chomped away at the muffin.
The dweller raised a brow. “You like… her sibling or something?”
“Nah, just a close friend.”
“You can never have too many of those.” Her chuckle turned to thick awkward silence. The stable dweller rolled her hoof back and forth on the table. She didn’t even have any shitty food to distract her from annoying me.
“Can I help you?”
The dweller smiled and waved off my question. “No, no. I was just relating to your friend.”
“Okay. Then which walls did you come out of?”
“Stable 27.”
“That door actually opened?”
“Yup.” She nodded.
I leaned a bit to the side. “Is that where your piece is from?”
“Oh this?” The dweller drew her pistol with her magic and placed it on the table for me to look at. “Yeah, we had a massive forge and gunsmithing section in our stable. I was told that the first dwellers were some of the best engineers that they crammed into a concrete tube.”
The pistol had fucking engravings in and around the cuts of its slide. A laser sight for increased accuracy and an extended magazine. It would probably go for four thousand bullets, easy, on any market. A statement like this couldn’t be bought by some middle class pony in Amity… I doubt even most stalkers could buy it… Only blood—
The points of a star patch poking out from underneath the stable dweller’s scarf confirmed my suspicion.
“It was… interesting meeting you, but I just remembered that we’re late for her doctor’s appointment. You know how it is,” I lied through my teeth.
“But—“ Sea Mist protested.
I put the muffin in her mouth to stop her from objecting. Still Sea Mist gave muffled comments behind the bread. The stable dweller didn’t react much to my actions, instead just shrugging and taking my unfinished bowl while we walked away.
Sea Mist swallowed the bread gag in one big gulp followed by rapid coughing. “What’s up with you? It’s just somepony like me.”
“No, that’s not somepony like you. That’s a cowboy. Stay away from them.”
“Why? She seemed nice.” She raised a brow.
“Stalkers may all be assholes, but they get paid to retrieve things. Cowboys are just what we call mercs. And mercs kill for money. A lot of money.”
“But you kill?”
“Yeah, but they don’t care if the target is filly or a loved member of a community. They just kill because it keeps the bullets flow’n. Do you know what I mean, Blue?”
Sea Mist nodded her head.
“Okay. Let's find this hotel.” I tried to smile a little to hide my building anxiety.
It wasn’t hard to find. The Castle was the only building with a sign, and a big one at that. A welded together scrap metal crown sat above one building that was only different from the rest of the other buildings in size. It proudly took up three arches, just to add to the radiating ‘we are better than you ’ energy. The nicely dressed lobby and ornate key they gave me to the room matched that tone as well. I didn’t even get to use the key before Hoarfrost swung open the room’s door.
“Perfect!” He was grinning ear to ear. “Welcome to one of my many, many homes away from home!”
So this is what power got you, huh? An open kitchen, wooden dining table, personal bathroom, and even sectioned bedrooms. “A lot of space for one guy.”
“Well, all of the Party members stay here.”
“Oh.” I slowly nodded my head. Couldn’t wait to find used condoms and empty liquor bottles everywhere.
Sea Mist let out a big yawn and blinked each eye individually. It looked like her brain was beginning to lag. I patted her on the head and Hoarfrost pointed to Dusk who was coming out of the bathroom wearing a bathrobe– bathrobes, really?! The ranger smiled and led her to bed.
“I didn’t know you were so empathetic.” Hoarfrost snickered.
“She’s still a kid, Hoarfrost. I’m not some soulless monster.”
“I was beginning to think you were…”
“Really?” The hairs at the bottom of my mane stood up. “You wanna start that conversation now?”
“No, I just want to apologize.”
“Yo— wait… really?” It felt like I was gonna fall over.
“Yeah.”
I looked for any hint of a facade, but there was no lip quiver. No sweat or wavering in his voice. Not even a mask covering a smug aura. He said he was telling the truth and, as far as I could tell, he was. Yet one thing still bothered me.
“Why?”
Hoarfrost looked puzzled. “Why what?”
“Oh sorry,” I coughed to clear my throat while scratching my neck. “Why apologize? If anything I should say sorry for basically yelling at you.”
There was a really awkward pause in the air between us, until I broke it.
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m fucked up. There’s no need to downplay.” Hoarfrost bowed his head. “You’re right.”
“You’re not gonna kiss my ass.” I snickered, but he didn’t take it well. “Sorry, bad joke. Y-you can continue.”
Hoarfrost shook his head. “Serenity…”
“Yeah?”
He removed his Party pin and tucked it away as if to say: ‘I’m just a pony.‘ It felt like the hints of that small colt was looking at me again. He took a deep breath and said softly, “No more lies.”
“Does that mean— you know what? I don’t wanna know. But… umm… thanks.” It was nice he was willing to take off his mask, but something still bugged me. I guessed the feeling would never stop until I was certain that this was the true Hoarfrost underneath all the politics and power. Maybe the true him was the Devil in the ring? Or the scared colt in the alley? I needed more time to know for sure.
“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m exhausted. If you need anything, and I mean anything, my room is just on the left, across from yours.”
“Well, night.” My questions could wait till tomorrow.
I felt tired, not just physically but mentally. Still, it’d probably be smart to try and sleep for once. Maybe I wouldn’t be just staring at the ceiling for countless hours like usual.
But I was fucking stupid to believe that when I walked in my room and took off my gear. Sure, I tried to sleep— even rolled around into different positions, but every time I closed my eyes, there was nothing. No skip in memory to Sea Mist or Dusk waking me up. No dreams or… well, I would call the black void in my mind a nightmare. There were stripes in that inky black. Words, phrases spoken just quiet enough to be mistaken for random whispers in the mind. Not even my friend from the Miller was alone with me. I was lucky enough for a theatre just for me, from the Infinite. There was something on stage. I couldn’t see it yet, but I could feel it.
Every time I checked my bracer, only a few minutes had passed. Again and again, after repeated groans in response to failure to complete such a basic task, I got up to head to the kitchen for something to drink. There were better ways to spend an hour of my time, and I had some events to process in my journal.
The center hotel room looked different due to the station’s choice for nighttime lighting. More fluorescent lights had been turned off and replaced with the dim red emergency lights I was used to from poorer stations. That crimson glow trespassed through the window, painting the floor and walls with long silhouettes. The pots and pans that hung from the ceiling battled against the dining area chairs that invaded their space. Fighting so pointlessly for their little corner of limbo. It was shadowplay on the wall that mocked the world around it.
I creeped carefully, so the floor wouldn’t creak and wake the others, over to the kitchen. There was a Blood Stone artifact inside the improvised fridge case. Its sand-like sides, in harmony with the fan in the back, kept the gallon of water inside cold to the touch. I poured myself a glass and returned the container back, so I could just write on the countertop. I didn’t feel like sitting down.
The words conjured themselves onto the page without much thought. Describing the Miller was the hardest part. A building of flesh randomly rearranging its atoms on a whim to some unknown cosmic entity’s writer’s block would send anyone’s head into a spin. And that voice… disembodied, sure, but it whispered to me. Why me? Sea Mist said she only heard buzzing… It couldn’t have been an anomaly since it went out of its way to help us. Maybe I just couldn’t see it. A stalker? No. That was unlikely, there wasn't any sound, and I’d like to believe that I would’ve heard them. So… was it a mutan—
C L I C K
The door to the hotel was unlocked. I reached instinctively for my rifle on my back for nothing but a chilling reminder that it was resting in the other room. As the door began to slowly creak open, I got low behind the empty shadow of the fridge. First came an earth pony mare in all black with a pistol drawn, followed by a mare I recognized. The cowboy, in blue and gold, had her weapon drawn as well, taking the lead when the other pony gave them a nod. My heart beat slammed against my eardrums as the cowboy slunked closer and closer to the bedrooms. The mare in black just stood behind watching them.
My mind was a roaring drum of fears and anxieties. What could I do without a weapon? Are they here for Hoarfrost? The thoughts were relentless. I couldn’t breathe as I creeped over to the lone mare, keeping to the shadows the best I could. Eventually, I was close enough to smell her: a mixture of flowers and chemicals that made my eyes water. The mare in black had to be well off because holy spirits did she drown herself in that perfume.
“Hey,” she called out of the side of her mouth to the cowboy in a hushed tone. The cowboy turned and looked at my items on the counter that the earth pony was pointing at.
There was no better time than the present. I wrapped the mare in front of me in a chokehold and pulled back hard. The earth pony spat out the pistol, gasping for air.
“Easy cowboy,” I growled. “I don’t want violence, so I’m gonna ask you to leave… please.”
The cowboy shook her head. I raised a brow and mimicked her actions with a smirk. “It was worth a shot.”
I threw the mare at her and charged, throwing a kick into the couple as they made contact. The cowboy fired blindly at my general direction, hitting everything but me. When her gun ran dry, I was already back in the shadows. The cowboy pushed the mare off and slid the magazine out for a new one. Too bad I managed to slip behind her.
With a flurry of blows from my hooves, she finally dropped her pistol. I may have missed quite a few jabs as the cowboy tried to stop my advances, but I was rusty, so could you really blame me? But I got too cocky after I slammed her windpipe. The mare’s eyes squeezed down to pinpricks as she ripped her knife out, slashing wildly. I just wasn’t fast enough to dodge.
The cowboy cut and tore through my coat and muscle as I tried to back away. I wasn’t gonna get anything but more scars with that tactic, so I sucked it up and pushed at her. Swiping Talon was always a useful fighting style to fall back on.
I tackled her to the ground as she kept thrusting her blade at me, eventually slamming my hooves into the cowboy’s chest until they stopped resisting. Kept stomping as their blood splattered across my hooves. She was stubborn even without the knife. My blood mixed with her tears while I pressed my hooves into her throat. The cowboy kicked violently, begging to be free. Spit foamed at the corner of her mouth. Finally her movements slowed and her eyes rolled back into her head. She was one hell of a fighter, but prideful like most stable dwellers.
I looked over to the mare in black, who was crawling over to her gun. Her eyes widened when I walked over, my shadow enwrapping her frame. It seemed she was accepting of any consequences like a soldier. I picked up her head and bashed it into the floor twice before falling back onto my flank in exhaustion.
That was two for two on the knockouts. Hoarfrost would be proud.
“Serenity?!” Dusk ran out, followed closely by Hoarfrost and Sea Mist. She had her batons extended, studying the scene in front of her.
“I… I hope you're not expecting a one liner, Dusk,” I said in between shallow breaths. “I’m really not in the mood.”
Chapter Ten | Little Dreams
Chapter Ten:
“Most stalkers are the poor and unwanted, fighting to keep the world alive.”
You only need to visit one or two metro stations before you’ve pretty much seen them all. Sure, the community living there might dress up the decaying brick and metal with banners and décor, but it’s still fundamentally the same base underneath them all.
Standpoint Station looked just like Evergreen. Same basic layout, but the zebras here didn’t shy away from us, instead smiling to greet the new travelers. Even going through customs here wasn’t that terrible. But I couldn’t help but notice the clear problems of Standpoint: those smiles failed to hide their shivers, their hollowing cheekbones… the color paling in everyone’s coats.
“What happened?” Blue tugged at my jacket.
I sighed. “War, it’ll always linger.”
Hoarfrost looked down at his hooves as we passed by more poor souls.
“This is what needs to change.” He shook his head and stormed off. We chased after him as he looked for… something . It was exhausting chasing him up and down alleys of that foreign station. We weren’t foals and my muscles already ached from exhaustion.
“It’ll be easier,” I choked on my own breath. Beating my chest to clear the coughs that hurt my eyes. “Ow… if you told us what you were looking for.”
“Someone to talk to about… all this.” Hoarfrost stopped and spun on his hooves. “Ami— Evergreen, sorry, was livable. Look at the station around us, affected by us. Someone has to help… I’m just hoping to run into who runs this place.”
“But we need to—“ I stopped while the rest of the sentence played in my mind.
‘But we need to get to Friendship Station.’
How could I be such an asshole? Silver Tongue had no direct way to get the location of the Dragon’s Den. I had my guide to it breathing right in front of me. But yet my head kept telling me it was stupid to pause and help these folks. That if I stopped and helped everyone along the way, I’d be too exhausted to do what I want… but yet, my chest yearned to do something. Do thoughts like these make me a bad pony? Tell myself that someone else would come along and help? Or that I was helping them by… wow. I-I really am an asshole.
“Serenity,” Hoarfrost softened his tone to almost whisper. The kind that makes you lean on the edge to hear their every word. “The documents will be there. Only the sitting leader can ask for their use, so don’t worry.”
“But I don’t know what to do.”
“You think I know? You’re the stalker and, well, a naka— nurkh— a shaman. Sorry. It’s your obligation to help them.” He then pulled Sea Mist to his side. ”And Misty is looking like a lost cat! She needs sleep, unlike you.”
I laughed. I… laughed . A real awkward one that turned heads, wondering if I was all there. At least Dusk beamed with a prideful smile at it.
“Y-you found that funny?” Hoarfrost cocked his head with a halfhearted grin.
I simply nodded.
“Huh. So, does that mean you’ll do it?”
“Yeah. It is my obligation.”
“Awesome.” Hoarfrost paused for a moment before looking around. “So wher– erm… who the hell do we talk to about that?”
“It’s always the building next to the cathedral.”
“Then let’s go!” He sped off, because of course he would.
Eventually, surprisingly without any trouble, we were standing in front of a building that was nothing more than a mix of mud brick and a few bits of scrap metal to support its base. It was the only building like this, a little poetic compared to the leaders of the Old Guard. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was expecting from the interior though. Probably more than just a center desk with three offices around it. The zebra at the desk was cleaning, bobbing their head to the little gem radio hopping around next to them. That’s how you can tell someone is bored, when they try to clean hundred-year-old rust and rot… and I better not be the first one to tell you that it does not come out.
“Oh!” The mare quickly tucked away the cleaning supplies into hidden drawers and compartments in the desk before returning a smile. Unlike the folks outside, her grin felt warm and hopeful as if we were water in a choking desert’s heat. “How can I help you?”
Hoarfrost looked to me, unsure of who exactly to ask for. “I– we wanna chat with the mayor.”
“Tala? Sure, she shouldn’t be busy. Just in the room behind me.”
“Thanks.”
“By the way,” The zebra spun on her little stool to face us as we passed. Strangely, her pale green eyes only locked with mine. “Tell her that the Construction Union wants to talk with her again.”
A little bit of a weird ask for us, but I couldn’t help but nod. I felt like it would’ve been a dick move to say no, plus I believe Dusk, Hoarfrost, or probably both to be honest, would’ve smacked me if I did.
Mayor Tala was different. Not different in a bad way, not at all. But different … like me. She was a deer that towered over even Hoarfrost’s frame. The stripes on her legs looked like socks that softly padded onto the ground as the mayor carried herself around the room. An office as banal as the politics they dealt with judging by the crow’s nest of a mane. But buck did she light up the moment we were noticed.
She whistled ecstatically. “Hallooo!”
“Hi!” Sea Mist almost rolled over her front hooves, matching Tala’s energy.
“You’re a cute one, arentcha? So what are you fine folks in need of?”
“We’re looking to help.” Hoarfrost extended a hoof.
Tala laughed and waved away his gesture as she sat down behind her desk. We just looked at each other as she went through a few papers. Tala finally looked up as Hoarfrost cleared his throat.
“So, you weren’t joking?”
He raised a brow at her comment. “Why… would we?”
“Well,” she sighed. “It’s been a week, but if you’re really here to help I need your passports.”
“You had people leave on you?”
Tala’s eyes dimmed. “Ponies, mostly.”
“Well, I won’t, and if I do, you can lynch me.”
I shouldered him.
“What?!” Hoarfrost asked.
“Who the fuck says that?”
“I—“ He paused, rubbing his chin. “You know what, Serenity? It sounded much better in my head.”
“I bet it did.”
Tala knocked on her desk. “You two done kissing it out there?”
“So,” she continued. “Why would we care about lynching you? We don’t have capital punishment.”
“Because he’s the current leader of the Old Guard.” I slid in.
Tala put down her work slowly, now studying Hoarfrost like a Tracker to prey. “Huh, I didn’t expect such a big buck to be so brave. So, you all Old Guard?”
“No,” Dusk shook her head then pointed for the mayor to associate faces to names. “Order… Dweller…”
She paused on me, her eyes asking permission to say my new title since we couldn’t prove I was Friendship Station anymore. I gave her a nod.
“And a nurakhu,” she finished.
“The pony?”
Dusk nodded.
“Prove it.” Tala was rightly skeptical to ask the question.
I turned around and Dusk helped me pull up my jacket. Little spiders crawled up my spine as a cold hoof ran down my back. “Wait, you’re Bliss’s kid? I thought you—“
“No,” I cut her off. “I’m his other kid.”
“I-I’m sorry.” Tala bowed a little.
“No, no. Don’t do that.”
‘Okay ’, she mouthed before taking a deep breath. “Well… we need supplies. A real laundry list of things, but nothing massively mechanical. Mainly tools and wiring.”
“Do you know where?”
She pulled a paper map from one of her desk drawers and lightly circled an area with her hoof. “There’s a block of hardware stores in this area, according to a trader from the Ring. Now… we don’t have a lot bull—“
“That’s not why we’re helping,” I cut Tala off immediately, pointing to Sea Mist. “They just need a place to rest for a bit.”
“Sorry, I pegged you for the wrong type.”
“Wipe away the long face. Nothing unusual about that assumption.” Dusk snickered.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“Huh… So a place to sleep…? I could probably ask Kasul, he owes me. Okay! This is great!”
I quickly punched the location into my PDA. Shouldn’t be a long trip, only a few hours max.
A wing poked me. “I hope you’re not planning on going alone now.”
“Yeah…? Aren’t you gonna watch Hoarfrost?”
“Serenity,” Dusk raised a brow. “The Old Guard would be fuck’n insane to assassinate him here and no way they’re hiring a zebra to do it.”
No arguing with that for obvious reasons.
“So we gonna head out?” she added.
“Yeah… oh yeah. Tala, the zebra at the desk said the Construction Union wants to talk to you or–”
“Oh for fuck sake! I’m working on getting them their shit!” she cut me off in a rage. “Please get back as soon as possible. I don’t want to hear the union complain about our lack of resources for dealing with our lack of resources again.”
Dusk gave a snarky salute and pushed me out the door. “We’ll do our best!”
She didn’t stop shoving me until we were outside the administration building. Just like when we were foals, Dusk flew just above my head and started heading off in a, seemingly, random direction. Only periodically stopping to make sure I was still following. She had a scarily perfect acclimatization, unlike Hoarfrost.
Dusk began poking zebras on the shoulder, some jumping a little more than others, to politely ask, “Excuse me, is there a service passage nearby that leads to the surface?”
“Sorry, I wouldn’t know.”
“I don’t know.”
Others would shrug. One finally gave directions to a little bunker door hidden behind a local ammo exchange kiosk. Dusk spun the center wheel lock open, and waited for me to squeeze through the cobwebs inside before shutting it behind us.
I enjoy just existing in tunnels like these. Sure, the lost memories in the homes above were interesting; stories about how folks used to live their lives. But those places always felt like finish lines. Service tunnels were waiting rooms. The seemingly endless hall hundreds of stalkers traveled yearly, but that time didn’t reflect on the passage at all. The weird humming from the pipes chained all around us. Bricks in the walls looked as vivid as the day they were laid down. Yet no hoof prints were left behind. A place 84 meters underground without a past, but an infinite present.
Dusk and I started climbing up the ladder to the surface. Hopefully, it won't be the heart of some crazy anomaly this time. Luckily, the ponyhole was in the middle of some random road. Never thought normal snow in a frozen city would be a sight for sore eyes.
“Zone, I missed you!” Dusk did a little loop in the air as I shut the lid on the hole, landing right in front of my face. “So… how are you?”
I groaned, brushing past her towards the location on the PDA.
She quickly matched my step. “Come on! Serenity, it’s just you and me. Stop being a little bitch.”
“I would but… I-I can’t articulate the words in my head. Like they’re dug in and won’t come out.”
“Yeah?” Dusk softened her tone.
I sighed. “Sorry. It’s been a helluva week.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“I mean, what do I even do now?”
“Besides going after your friend? Hmmm… That’s a good question.” She stuck out her tongue a little, letting her pupils widen into deeper and deeper thought. “I don’t know. Damn, I totally get your feeling, though. Well, I guess… Don’t go too far. I know he’s your friend, and all, but I'm a little scared you might not like the other side.”
“You charge by the hour?”
“Fuck,” Dusk shoved me with a wing. “You.”
I dramatically rolled off into a snowpile, kicking up flakes as I plopped into the ground. Phantom pain was acted out beautifully, in my opinion, as I spazzed out. “Arrrg! No! My only weakness! Passive aggressive swearing! I’m melting!”
She snickered and pushed my head deeper in the snow. “Good. Perish.”
I tapped her forehoof and Dusk pulled me up to my hooves. Her smile was gone.
“What?”
She sighed. “Cute, but you’re not tricking me with that playful bullshit. You can’t hide everything– wait… does Sea Mist even know you’re not a stalker?”
I averted my eyes.
“Holy shit, Serenity! You saw what lying about your name did. Do you want to give her a heart attack?”
“What? No… I just haven’t got around to it.” I rolled the excuse off my shoulders.
Dusk’s growing disappointment twisted into a grin. “I know you like deals–”
“Noooo.” I tried to cut her off. Keyword: tried .
“I’ll teach you how to be a real stalker if yoooou tell Sea Mist the truth,” she cheerfully punctuated. “But you have to do everything I say immediately and unconditionally. We’re not in the outer ring anymore and I’m not slowing down for you.”
I nodded my head. There was no arguing with that.
“Verbally respond, Serenity. I know you.”
“It’s a deal… dick .”
“Love you too!” Dusk blew a kiss, I flicked it out of the air. She snickered and beckoned me to follow close.
I did just that. Carefully stepping in every fresh hoofprint, moments after they’re left. The buildings in this area were interesting. The windows were mostly intact, but a few had black brambles racing out of them. It was always the Zone’s little ways of reminding us, it exists. Is it weird to say I could almost feel its pulse in the ground? Radiating off the ice and snow? Maybe it was all because of yesterday, but it was like we were passing through a subconsciousness’ gift shop. Mindblowing nick-nacks everywhere for the brave and stupid alike to take. Just walk into that store, that parking lot… gamble for a chance at a better life.
Dusk grabbed my chest, stopping me in my tracks. She smoothly put a single wing claw to her lips. My bracer began to beep before I heard what she had. I don’t know what she heard. The detector’s increasing heartbeat was the only thing around us, picking up something that gave no other clues, but it was approaching fast. Dusk turned, ripped off the detector and tossed it away. Then I heard it…
click… click… click…
click… click… click…
“What the hell was that?”
“I don’t wanna find out.” Dusk’s head snapped when I started walking over to my discarded detector. “What are yo— Serenity, you don’t need that.”
“Maybe not for that anomaly.”
“You don’t need it for any of them.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Then why did I spend cartridges on it?”
“You tell me. Amani didn’t need one.”
“Bitch,” I quickly muttered under my breath before continuing to follow, leaving the detector behind.
======= ☢ =======
The streets gave way to one large shopping complex just ahead, blocked by piles of ice, concrete, and snow. Dusk didn’t even attempt to scale it, instead merely turning to follow its perimeter. We must have walked countless meters with no entrance, but something nearby did catch her eye. She pointed to a skyscraper, one of many that grew past the clouds, to three little dots forming a triangle at its entrance. She didn’t speak but moved, only pausing to toss a bolt nearby. Everytime she did this for the last hour, the bolt would always hit an anomaly. This one was interesting though. The bolt flew perfectly straight, slipping through the embrace of air molecules before suddenly being ripped to the right, like gravity grabbed and pulled it into a spot in the snow, landing with a hollow thud. Dusk threw a few more, then moved, and tossed more to map its area, then when she was satisfied, she beckoned me to follow her path inside.
There was no need to pause in the building, it was just some finance business: more soulless cubicles and tacky carpets. Dusk was looking for more dots, which were found again, but this time it was only two next to the stairwell. We had to have climbed something like fifty flights of stairs before we found the last dot. A lonely dot centered on the floor’s doorway. A campfire was visible even through the tainted window, shadows hunched over its flames. I couldn’t believe Dusk didn’t hesitate to open the door and walk in.
Music danced everywhere, jumping to each strum of the zebra by fire. They sang in a language I forgot long ago, but could still understand. They sang to the Infinite about love, death, and other trivial matters. The other two ponies listened close to the guitar’s haunting somber melody. No one paid us mind as we stopped to sit down and just watch.
“Indi ko kaya subong sini nga obra? ” the stalker finished before letting the strings ring.
“Beautiful. What’s it called?” Dusk asked.
“I don’t know. I found it one day in one of the highrises to the west. That.. well, that was all I could salvage from the piece.”
“So, it’s incomplete?”
They bowed their head. “Sadly. One day, hopefully, I’ll finish it.”
“Hey,” I nudged Dusk and leaned in close to her ear. “What are we–”
“Don’t be rude. Learn to socialize, you little shit,“ She quietly, and literally, jabbed back.
“So, what about the rest of you Loners? What’s your stories?” She added with a smile as she returned to volume.
The unicorn chuckled as she fixed her beanie. “Running away from home. Ya know, the norm.”
“By choice, or does it have something to do with the little bumps you’re hiding on your head.”
“You can see them?!” the mare eep’d while covering the top of her head with her hooves.
The other unicorn bursted out into a fit of laughter. “Hahaha! The Ranger got you there, Kaepora! No one can see your gift.”
“Why hide it? The Old Guard isn’t here.” Dusk’s concern warmed me.
“Well… it’s just–”
“Don’t worry,” Dusk cut her off with a grin. “There’s no reason to be ashamed about your gifts… and if someone laughs then I’ll throw them into the fire pit!”
Kaepora giggled for a moment then paused to look the more seasoned stalker in the eye. Dusk nodded and the pony removed her beanie, her long curly hair flowing out, revealing three sets of horns that ran along her head behind her ears. Each one arching down before curling right back up. I’d never seen anything like it. No creatures to compare the gift too. The mare glanced at me then blushed.
Then Dusk smacked the back of my head. I must have been staring for too long. My bad.
“You feel better now?”
She gave a weak grin at Dusk. “Yeah… thanks.”
“Good. So, what’s your dream? A strong mare like you has to have an amazing goal!”
“Well, it’s kind of silly.” The stalker rubbed the back of her neck.
Dusk pointed to me. “Can’t be sillier than this guy’s ‘just wanting to go home.’”
“Hey!” I could only punch her as a retort. Everyone got a good laugh at that one, but everyone shut up the second the Kaepora interjected.
“His dream isn’t that dumb.” She tried to hide behind her locks. “I have the same one.”
Dusk bowed her head. “Sorry.”
“Why? It was just a joke.”
“But…”
“Really, it's fine, Ranger,” Kaepora reassured her. “Why don’t we continue with him?”
“Me? Nah, I’m boring.” The other unicorn swatted the air.
“Everyone has a dream.”
He chuckled. “Mine’s just getting rich. Nothing impressive or bold like you guys.”
“That’s fine. You don’t need to fix the world. Existing is enough.” The zebra rested their guitar on a pair of powergreaves against the nearby cubicle wall before tossing another stack of paper into the flames. “So Ranger, how about you? You told us about your friend but not you. You don’t have a skeleton in the closet, do ya?”
“No, sadly. Though you know how cool that would be? A dark mystery bat… sounds like a comic character. But I digress; I just want to help everyone. That’s why my dad does it. I guess the mango doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Dusk snickered.
“So what brought you here?”
“We need to get into the shopping center behind the wall.”
“That shithole? Well, it’s not easy… unless you like heights.” The unicorn spat out.
Dusk flapped her wings. “Well, lay it on me.”
The zebra pointed out the massive hole in the side of the building, the bits of loose floor, wall, and ceiling hung together by solid blue ice, and began mapping out the path with his hoof. “A few floors above is a crane, above the cloud level, that crashed through the windows. It’s connected to a construction site with another downed crane to let you in. But there’s a Demon nest on that site, so that’s not fun. Look at the bright side though. No anomalies… last cycle I checked.”
“That’s not the only way out, right?”
They nodded at Dusk. “Yup. Just find a piece of debris and ride the river back here. You’ll know what I mean when you get there.”
Dusk got up and bowed, nudging me to do the same. “Thank you.”
“No problem. Good hunting, stalkers,” they added as we exited back into the stairwell.
“They were nice.”
“Dusk, you always say that.”
“Live a little, Serenity. Most stalkers just aren’t assholes anymore. Hard to be, with so little left.” Dusk grimaced before ascending the floors.
There might be a little truth there, but who knows? Maybe it’s all a front to get our gear. After the Demons rip us apart, they’ll swiftly slide in and grab the remains. They were just too nice… the Wastelands didn’t taint me that much, right? Oh Spirits, I hope not.
That anxiety, though, was washed away with another flood. The sun. I wonder if the ponies of the past took it for granted, a ritual just for them as the princess of day brought love over the horizon? Pictures were all we ever had in the tunnels. Just as paint decays, our memories of it faded as well. Did the stables attempt to imitate nature or were they just like us? Worms daydreaming about the sky?
When we reached the floor it didn’t take that long to find the crane resting on shattered glass, but I couldn’t help just staring past it all. At the growing colors across the sky. Not light blue I’d been told about thousands upon thousands of times… but brilliant shades of violet, rust, and amber radiating around a falling star. I guess folks like me are always destined to chase afterimages, a vain attempt to make up for the cold. Hoping those claws in the sky don’t rip you to shreds. When you grow up drowning in a void, you find a strange comfort in knowing that at least you’re not drowning alone.
“Still need a few more minutes to stargaze?”
“If you don’t mind… yeah.” I couldn’t peel my eyes away.
Dusk wrapped a wing around me. “Take all the time you need. I was the exact same when my dad brought me above the clouds.”
“Dawn Spark did?”
She nodded.
“And here I thought he never left his office.” I sat there staring at the burning sky for as long as I felt safe stealing. As minutes passed, Dusk was busy testing the crane’s stability… by jumping on it. There was no rattle, but that still didn’t ease my heart. For all I knew, she just woke up the Demon’s nest.
Dusk waved me over. “Time to go.”
“Okay, okay.”
She smiled in response before sliding down the crane, disappearing below the cloud cover.
“Bye for now.” I sighed at the sun as the world darkened all around. With the help of a few deep breaths, I followed her.
The construction site was just another place frozen in time. Some framework for some apartments, business, what have you. It was something before… before the flesh and leather that wrapped around every column, entangled between the holes of safety webbing and rebar. The old paint rubbed off in each inner membrane, mixing the navy into the organic brown, producing an ugly olive gray. Demons were curled up in their nests, nuzzled close.
I slid directly into Dusk’s hooves. She didn’t speak a word, instead using her wings to slowly point to where we were going. We moved to the beat of the Demons’ breathing.
One step.
Another.
Creeping to the edge of the platform.
Of course the floor below is where the crane’s jib had crashed. Honestly, I would’ve felt cheated if it was anywhere else.
I choked on my groan as one of the Demons stirred at my noise. Dusk shot daggers. I sunk into my hoodie, the universal sign for ‘my bad’ . She rolled her eyes and began to climb down the side of the building using the exposed beams in the bricks. It looked effortless, but my brain didn’t get that message.
Immediately, I slipped. Didn’t matter if I caught myself, I was sure Dusk was already shaking her head in pure disappointment caused by a wave of amazement and disbelief. After that, the rest of the climb was uneventful. She made me slide down the crane first. It felt like a punishment, but I followed her demand, jumping off the crashed crane’s base towards the front of the shopping complex.
Honestly, you’d be surprised by the amount of wagons and carriages still in the parking lot. Did folks really need those closeout deals? Maybe it’s just me, but a new powertool doesn’t exactly seem to outweigh personal safety. Just saying.
“Princesses, Serenity! Could you choose a worse place to be a klutz next time?” Dusk exploded at me even before her hooves hit the ground. She let out a long puff before continuing, “Sorry, but… whatever. You know what you did. Let’s just go.”
She didn’t wait for affirmation and trotted up the building’s entrance. Its walls gave off a strange presence; not malicious in any sense in the word. The building was inviting us inside to dissect it; it would be rude not to oblige.
Pieces of glass teeth were scattered everywhere; every window from the revolving doors to the displays were smashed in, and bones of wood rested next to them. It was the murder scene of a giant being whose entrails had been ripped out long ago. Only the little food court’s tables really remained, and probably because they were bolted down. They must have been tight, if the screws next to a few of them were anything to go off of.
Dusk tossed a rusty bolt at the tables, one that disappeared instantly into shimmering waves through the air. Though the sheeting pulse wasn’t ethereal. The Echo’s waves grew jagged and shattered before even reaching the anomaly’s edge. No butterfly appeared. I looked to Dusk with a brow raised.
“Ever seen an Echo before?”
I nodded.
She tilted her head. “Then…?”
“Why did it do that?”
“Oh shi– umm… how do you explain a broken anomaly?”
“Bro…ken?”
“Yeah. The Zone decided that we didn’t have enough problems. Imagine a pen broken down to its most simple parts: a spring, case, the ink, etcetera, all spread out across a table. Each part on their own may not be able to write, but they can do something . Now Echoes are a horrible example for this since they’re really just pieces of the same moment of time, so we’ll use Fire Jelly. Now each time one of the flame sprouts appears, it may not burn you. Then again, you might just feel the heat, or just catch on fire spontaneously. Cool, right?”
“No! That sounds horrible.”
Dusk pouted. “Well, I think it’s cool…”
‘Of course ’ I mumbled before I asked, “But Echoes are just the same, right?”
“Most of the time.”
“They can’t…”
“Well,” She paused to think for a moment. “Possibly. They have been known to… break the fourth wall. Few stalkers have come back with these stories, though.”
I did my best to push my survival instincts to the back of my mind as we crossed the first threshold. The world repaired itself, filling the empty hallways with patrons of all kinds. Bags were held close, loved ones even closer. I only wish I could’ve seen the vivid colors and not those oh-so-familiar grays. Hell, I’d settle for their conversations. Not just silent lips.
“Serene. Right, Serenity?” Dusk smirked.
“This was us? But Echoe— that’s not how they work.”
“Why not?”
I couldn’t help but stop and watch a pair of zebra and pony colts jump around one another. “They’re just… happy . Like in those old films.”
“Thought you’d see more bloodshed? What made you think everyone in the world would just turn on one another? Because someone in power said so? No, the average pony didn’t care enough about politics…” She let out a long sigh. “Maybe they should’ve.”
“Maybe.” I copied.
The images around us faded, blurring back to our world. We were near the hardware, according to the PDA, but that’s not what grabbed our attention. In what I could only assume was the center of the whole complex was a massive hole in the ceiling, waterfalls crashing onto the floor below. Every decline towards that center had rivers flowing… uphill , running away fast as they could. I slammed my back hooves behind me as I stuck a hoof in one of the streams. It damn near took me with it. Dusk poked me and pointed out the place we were looking for just across the space. We wasted no time making our way to the entrance…
But not before crossing another threshold. Well, I think we did. The surroundings didn’t change but colors started bleeding from thin air. Silent oil painting ghosts wandering their final res… final resting place. Oh spirits. Fuck . I checked my PDA’s date and frowned. One more day till— No. Don’t focus on it. It may be piss-poor now, but at least everyone else looked happy. Even the ones longingly embracing in the hardware store.
“How can they be so…” The sky was bleeding, and all I could do was gaze up at the deepening laceration. Little shimmers of the rainbow danced on its tail. “Happy?”
Dusk walked over to my side and looked up with me as the megaspell inched closer and closer across the sky. She wrapped a wing around me. “What good would anger do? In your last moments would you rather love, or beg? Yup… that’s the question, isn’t it.”
“And this is what The Beginning looked like?”
“Yeah. Pointless war, pointless death. Pointlessness wrapped in a dream that whoever made it would do better.”
“Okay then, there’s no way they know that! There’s just no way. I— look at them,” Trotted over to a graying stallion seated in front of a wrecked piano. “They don’t have dreams anymore. They're just reminiscing on what could’ve been.”
“Projecting much?” She raised a brow.
“What? It’s only natural to think about it. All those little moments in memory. Choices you regret and things you wish you’d said… Dusk… I’m,” I let out one long coarse sigh. “What the hell am I doing?”
“Serenity?”
“Do you think I'm a horrible pony?”
“Wha—“
“Like am I broken?” I cut her off not because I didn’t wanna hear it, just that I couldn’t stop myself. Why couldn’t I? What’s wrong with me?! “Dusk, I-I didn’t come here home f-for anyone. Just so when I close my eyes the dreams will stop! Dusk, what’s wrong with me? I didn’t even really come to stop… him . Oh Spirits, I am a horrible pony, right? Just fucking selfish, selfis— You have to tell me otherwise. Tell me I’m normal. P-please, all I see is his muffled voice and I…”
“Serenity, no…”
I swatted away her attempt to comfort me. Biting on tears the best I could. “You asked those stalkers w-what their dreams were. I couldn’t help but think about mine and I don’t know what I want… I… I don’t think I want anything . That’s normal, right?”
My body couldn’t do it. I collapsed onto the ground, teardrops freezing onto the ground soon as they left my cheek. Like a crack in me tore open just enough to reveal… nothing. Just emptiness. Dusk really did try her best to help, but the embrace didn’t change anything. It didn’t change me. I couldn’t breathe; it just kept escaping my lungs faster than I could suck it back in. I was shrinking: into my jacket, my body, back into a little fucking colt. Crying is so stupid .
“Dusk, why does it feel like the Zone is my personal hell? Everywhere I go, it just scolds me for every choice, every breath. What even happens here when everyone is gone? Does it just wait until the next victim? That’s its dream. Its purpose. Why it was created. A pit of selfish sorrow sweeping whatever poor soul is trapped within its spiral. All those stories from other stalkers… you know, the legends, the ones about heroes we grew up on. Don’t you find it weird that the bad shit only happens when we come up here? I mean… how do the mutants survive up here? I guess we’re the key to the Serpent’s Box.”
“Well,” Dusk held me tighter. “Why do you want to be a stalker?”
What? She knew. In fact, she knew I knew she knew. Why even ask the question? I-I don’t understand what that has to do with anything. Just… what?
I guess, I can’t trust my eyes anymore. Those little traitors told on me as I glanced up to Dusk.
“I just want to hear you describe it,” she continued with a grin.
Okay.
“Ama– Him … he would sneak me up here when we were kids. One afternoon while the snow was freshly falling, he was telling me how everything was gonna be alright and how we were family no matter what anyone at school said and how we’d care for each other when the world failed us and always be together. He wanted more folks to live by that. To see stations filled with smiles. It-It was always this pipe-dream of his. The idea that one stalker could bring back a little hope from the old world. He wanted to be that stalker.” I stuttered out an airy chuckle through tears. “I guess I just wanna be the stalker to bring him and that hope he found… Home.”
I didn’t care to think. I just… couldn’t understand why she couldn't say something. Fill the air with babble. Anything to not be alone with me, the sorry coward. Everything I touch dies. How long until Dusk… Silver… Blue? What do I do then? Just ride it out here ‘til the end? Sounds too nice for me.
Dusk exhaled softly out her nostrils. “Serenity, what’s wrong with that?”
“Why are you a stalker then?” I deflected the best I could with my weakest shield.
“Well, I'm definitely not like Amani. Not as bold or poetic. He was different, but I could understand his dream. Serenity, I do this to help people, not necessarily bring hope. Just help them live a little easier.” She paused. “So… I’ll ask you directly: What’s really your dream? And I know you loved him, but that doesn’t mean you need to carry his. So?”
“Huh…”
We sat in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. Eventually, Dusk got up. “You don’t have to right now, but we better get going. Just think about it, okay?”
I wiped away my tears so I could hold onto some semblance of pride when I nodded. Together we stuffed our saddlebags with everything from flatheads to electrical wiring.
What do I want? You’d think it would be simple. There’s not much choice like before. No one really has a choice, do they? We either survive, or die. That’s a little fucked up to me.
“Hey! You coming?” I didn’t even notice Dusk leave the shop, let alone find a piece of sheet metal.
I trotted over to the river of water she stood next to. “So, we’re really gonna take up that idea of riding this shit out of here?”
“It looks fun… ”
I didn’t even know how to respond to that. From caring to reckless in less than the blink of an eye. Honestly, it's an amazing trick.
“Sooo. We just jump on halfway or…”
She shrugged. “I was thinking we could just sled on it like the garage at home.”
“Shouldn’t we test that?”
Dusk picked up a rock and tossed it into the stream. Within seconds it had disappeared from sight.
“Huh.” I glared at her glee.
“Looks safe enough to me. Grab on!”
With a long groan, I scooted right next to her and grabbed the piece of metal. Close enough to smell the staleness of mango on her breath and see— wait… she lied to me. Spirits, she’s scared. There was a quiver in her pupils I couldn’t see before. The clutched bite told me more. The twitch in the ears was the spice on top. I made us wait for a second to see if any of those would change. They didn’t. Instead her pupils slowly grew and grew.
“Dusk?” My voice caused her to jump a little.
“Yeah?”
“You’re afraid of water?”
She shrugged before shooting back, “Yeah… so what?”
“I guess I just didn’t expect that, but I kind of get it. Just–” The moment actually lifted my spirit a bit. Not due to her fear, but the act of sharing it. Something about it just felt right. That strange warmth after years of absence. “You’ll be fine. Plus if you fall in, you’ll drown me too in an attempt to get out of the water.”
Dusk’s laugh was sweet. “Yeah, we always do that too.”
“Would you hate me if I said I didn’t envy that?”
She shook her head.
“I think I know what I want,” I smirked. “I guess the Infinite knew something… making me a nurakhu.”
“That’s great, Serenity. Chase that dream, it’s all we have left.”
With her tug, we hopped onto the stream. The water screeched through the metal’s grooves as we shot out of the center of the building. All colored ghosts of the past faded, replaced by one last Echo as we drew closer to the outside.
The world didn’t change visually, nor in touch or smell. Instead, we were left with a song. Their last moments were sung to the melody of a piano. I don’t think they cared that it was out of tune, leaving a hollow rattle with each hammer hit of the strings, the sound echoing off the walls along with the passionate voices of the past. Why couldn’t the rest of the world be like this? Realize the pointlessness in trying to rip each other apart. That no matter how much they claw and dig, that good night will take them. Is it not better to go there happily together?
I let the thought linger enough for a weak smile before it vanished with that showtune. The snow sparkling like gemstones, flickering in and out as we bolted over the ground. Within seconds we slid to a stop near the edge of the snow piles from before. Dusk picked me up, jokingly huffing, flew us safely down. Without a word, we started walking back to the ponyhole, same boring sights all blurring into one another as I zoned out on the trip…
======= –
“Serenity!”
“Ugh!” I spat out as Dusk yanked my hood. Once I could breathe again I glared at her. She wasn’t paying attention to me, instead focused on one six meter long shadow of a fire hydrant on the snow in front of us.
“Did you have to–”
“I called your name twice,” she cut in. “Would you have rather I let you walk into that?”
“What is it, anyway?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know…” I could feel my soul draining from my body.
“There’s no light source over there. What if I…” Dusk tossed a bolt into the shadow, to little fanfare. “Yeah, we’re not going through that. Let's go around the block.”
“But it didn’t do anything.”
She stopped in her tracks and just cocked her head to the side. “Do you really want to test that out?”
“Huh.”
“Just because it doesn’t react, doesn’t make it safe.”
“No-ted,” I dragged the words from one side of my mouth to the other through clenched teeth.
======= ☢ =======
B A N G
p a - p i n g
“Over here,” Dusk whispered, peaking around the building with me.
Of course this shit would happen on the homestretch. At least we weren’t being shot at. Hopefully, they’d have something useful on them for ruining our trip. Spirits know they probably won’t be using it much longer.
A scream ripped through the air only to be quickly cut off with a sharp bang followed by the rattle of metallic spurs. The snow was painted crimson as the corpse of a unicorn slammed into the building next to us, leaving a greasy trail as it slid to the ground.
“NO!” Out in the street a zebra jumped into the air, reeling back their powergreaves. A massive steel claw took to the sky, grabbing their throat before they could land. No matter how much they struggled, punched, or gargled, the talons slowly clenched across their neck till it bled. A trickle to a leak. The zebra’s punches quickly turned into chaotic flails as they tried something, anything! The figure raised his other claw and covered their mouth. There was no emotion behind that amber visor as they crushed the zebra’s skull. All that remained, as their body tried to process what happened with little spasms, was a limp pile of skin with shards of bones sticking out that was tossed aside like a broken toy.
It could’ve been any griffon, but one of that size walking around with a little crown on their breast plate? Yeah, it was Gage. The snow rushed as he landed on the ground and slung his shotgun. Next to his paws was a head crying tears of crimson, forever locked in horror. At least I thought it was their face. Whatever it was had been beaten beyond recognition… but the multiple horns running down the side of her head–
“Goddesses, Kaepora...” Dusk’s gasp interrupted my thinking.
I left her there in shock and walked over to Gage.
“Hey fuckface!” I didn’t flinch as he whipped around to swipe at me. His talons stopped inches from my face.
“Wildcard?” His helmet wheezed as he removed it and buckled it to his side. Gage ran a claw through his crest feathers, the mixing blood rolling down the back of his head. “Whatcha ya doing here?”
“What the fuck are you doing?!”
“Defending myself. I didn’t think I’d need to explain that to you of all ponies.”
I facehoofed and looked to Dusk for support as she walked over. “What could you have that they want?”
“All raiders–”
“They’re not raiders.” Dusk and I said in unison.
“Pfft… Doesn’t matter. They wanted this though.” He pulled out a rather large amount of Black Licorice.
I guess they did say they were in it for the money. If the stalkers really were attacking him for that… I’d believe it. Most would kill each other for less. What a sad world. Dusk was locked in thought as well, maybe over the same thing too.
“What happened to your jacket– and the undershirt too?!” Gage’s eyes didn’t just roll, his whole head did. “I just fixed that not even a few days ago! It’s minced meat.” I swear, tears were forming in his eyes as he tenderly grasped the sleeve’s remaining treads.
I just shrugged.
He tightened his brow. “This shit doesn’t just happen.”
“Would you hate me if I said it did?”
“Noo… but it wouldn’t stop me from trying.”
“You know what? Good for you.” I smirked.
He sighed after cutting off a few of the strands with a pair of scissors from his bag.
“Whelp, wish I could talk more, but I need to check on Honey. Sorry, I’ll be seeing y'all around!” Gage put his helmet back on before running off.
“Wait, that doesn’t add… up ,” Dusk sighed. “Why would you believe him?”
“Why would he lie?”
“I can think of several good reasons, but let’s get out of here first before the Demons show up… Now to start, Black Licorice is an extremely common artifact.”
======= ☢ =======
The little bunker door took some effort to push open, but when it did the boom echoed throughout the whole station. The zebra at the kiosk in front of us fell out of her chair and started scolding us. Luckily, Dusk didn’t understand a single syllable and you bet your ass I lied to her about what was really said. There was feeling I must have struck, because no matter how much I kept reinforcing my story, she wouldn’t stop asking:
“Are you sure? It seemed a little more aggressive than how you’re putting it.”
“I’m–” I sighed as the administration building came into view. “Oh would you look at that! We’re here.”
I pushed into the building, waving to the receptionist, all while trying to dodge another repetitive question from Dusk.
“We’re back.” I smiled, waving to Tala as I opened the office door.
“Thank the spirits! It was there, right?”
Dusk bounced a little to make the items in the saddlebags jingle.
“Excellent!” she continued. “Could you put them in that box next to the door please? I’ll take it down there later.”
“So where’s…ummm.”
“Your friends? Just a few buildings down.” Tala rocked back and forth on her hooves. Slowly her lips pressed into a thin line. “Sooo… we couldn’t exactly get you a bed.”
“Sorry. I don’t understand.”
She sighed and looked me directly in the eyes. “Kasul just couldn’t spare anything. I’m sorry.”
“So where are they staying?!” I couldn’t help but explode at her.
“The community shelter—“
“We just risked our lives to sleep on the floor?!” I cut in.
* S M A C K*
My head whipped to the side, my cheek burning. I felt Dusk’s wing firmly grip my shoulder.
“Thank you.” Dusk bowed a little before shoving me out of the room. She didn’t say a word after that but I could feel the pressure of disappointment. I didn’t see the problem. Plenty of other folks in the wasteland always got equal pay— hell, more! I even heard someone getting to stay at Tenpony after they secured new filters for the water system.
I guess my reaction was very aggressive, but I don’t see what’s wrong with the base question.
Just like Tala said, the walk to the shelter was only a few minutes. Another unassuming box of rusting sheets with tarps for doors. The inside was cramped. Every free bit of floor space was taken up by travelers of all kinds, mostly zebras and deer. Families stole most of the actual beds for their foals. The other ones used their jackets and bags to try and make the pallets on the floor more comfortable. Near the back, Sea Mist was smiling while Hoarfrost laughed. Squeezing past everyone, we weaved our way to them.
Hoarfrost’s eyes lit up as we got close, “So… how’d it go?”
“Ask him. I’m going to sleep.” Dusk shot me a glare as she went to look for an empty pallet.
“Serenity,” he sighed. “What did you do?”
I shook my head while giving him a disgusted look.
“You’re not helping your case,” Hoarfrost added.
“Ugghhh… okay then. Let me ask you something.”
“Sure.”
“Is it wrong to ask for equal pay for work?”
“Well…” He rubbed his chin while Blue tilted her head. “Generally? No. In this specific—“
I cut Hoarfrost off so hard I practically hopped into the air. “Exactly! So why are—“
“Because that’s selfish, Serenity.” Blue just stared past me.
“What?”
“Hoarfrost, could you…?”
“Oh! Sure.” Hoarfrost got up and wandered off, whistling, leaving me with Sea Mist.
“What’s been with you?”
“What?”
She groaned. “Every station. Every step . You lash out… I don’t get it. You actually have a home. I just— well shit. I’d think you’d be grateful about that at least.”
This wasn’t the girl I had been traveling with. No, she didn’t sound like that. All those memories. Did I…? “W-what?”
“I swear to the goddesses, I will hit you if you say ‘what ’ again.”
“Sorry, I just… were you always this poignant?”
“Perceptive.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it’s—“
“Do I sound sad to you?” Sea Mist raised a brow.
“I-I… wait. It doesn’t mean…?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll ignore the shot at my intelligence, but not what you said before.” She stopped herself as she almost started to rub the top of her pipbuck. “Serenity, these people barely have beds to sleep in. You wanna take that?”
“No, I just—“
“What, you want the food out of their mouths, too?” Sea Mist cut me off.
I put my hoof down. “No. I don’t.”
“Then why did you demand it?”
“It seemed only fair. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
She sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Whelp… I guess we can be lost together.” I slid down the wall onto my flank, pulling out my journal to write.
“What’s that?”
“It helps me process.”
“Could I?” She laid down across from me. Blue smiled and levitated it to her after I nodded. With each flip of the page, her happiness soured. “Why is it all so sad?”
“That’s just how I am.”
“That’s not right.”
I guess we both read each other wrong. “Whelp, can’t change the truth.”
She wanted to say something but closed her mouth. Instead she continued to read. Then she paused. The look on Blue’s face stung. It took me a few tries to read the upside down words but I knew the passage…
A young mare stood not a few steps in front of us. A revolver leveled at us with her magic, pupils the size of pinpricks. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, nervous, or on the verge of tears. I don’t think it mattered much to Cider what I thought… but I deserved this. If she shot me, I wouldn’t attack or try to help myself. Just accept my actions as solely my own.
I couldn’t look in her eyes. Hopefully, she didn’t try to hurt me as she’d leave to find Dusk, a real normal pony. Spirits always knew it, another flower was wilting in my hoof.
“You’re a hero to me.”
It was even worse than I thought.
I shook my head as I buried my face deeper in my hooves. “Stop being so naïve.”
“I’m not.” My spine tingled as she ran a hoof through my mane. “How would your life’s story change if Dusk, Hoarfrost, or me wrote it? How are you so sure it’d be the same?”
“I’m just sure.”
“Now you’re the naïve one!”
How could she be so happy? This wasn’t the end, but pointless busy work. So what difference would it— oh .
“I guess I am.” I whispered under my breath.
‘Yup… that’s the question, isn’t it. ’ Dusk’s comment couldn’t help but bounce happily around in my mind. I guess she knew that it was pointless, but that’s the part that matters. In the noisy nothingness, Blue gets to choose what matters. Same with me, Hoarfrost, and even that mango lovin’ bitch. She’ll always be smarter than me and I’m glad.
Sea Mist pulled out the pencil and started writing in the margins. “Now this… is just in case you try to write me like a child again! Because all this in here is a crime.”
I hate me.
Hell, that could be my catchphrase.
All the mistakes, frankly stupid decisions, still led me here. I can’t change that, but I get to choose what matters. Still can’t help but hate me. Doesn’t matter if you dream of helping others, that doesn’t change you, idiot. I’d need to fix myself first before anything else.
I grabbed my PDA to glance at the clock:
January 1st | 12:00 a.m.
But after today. It’s his birthday today…
Chapter Eleven | The Last Hero
Chapter Eleven:
“For a moment, I saw him.”
Even hours after…
Those pallets fucking killed my back, even if I slept for a sum total of a few minutes. I wouldn’t suggest it to others. The pain already started subsiding when we left Standpoint. Just wish there was another station between it and the next, not a long ass tunnel with no service doors. Eventually, we came to an opening.
The sight was jaw dropping for Sea Mist, though. To the rest of us, these were just the ‘famous’ waterfalls surrounding the entrance of Apple Station. Massive waves of melting snow, racing through the sewers to crash into the void below. I glanced over the side of the bridge as we crossed to get a better look at the perpendicular one below, and the pit past that. I couldn’t help but wonder how far down it actually went. I also couldn’t help but cuddle my rifle’s sling as more… intrusive thoughts emerged.
“Beautiful, right?” A voice asked. Ama— his voice asked. I turned, almost instantly, and found…
Nothing .
Nothing but cold air and the whispers in the tunnel.
“You coming?” Sea Mist poked me.
I nodded, a few tears rolled down my cheeks. Truthfully, I wanted to keep watching the waterfalls, but we had places to be. I wiped my eyes and trotted after the party.
At the end of the tracks was a large hermetic steel door, with little wiring packed into even tinier holes above it for the lights and speaker. A symbol was drawn on its exterior: A circular green, gray, and gold hooked arrow pointing to its own tail. We had finally made it to the Ring. Only a few more stations till home…
Dusk gave the metal a little knock. Nothing happened. She narrowed her eyes and gave me a smirk. Quickly I covered Sea Mist’s ears.
“EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!”
“Okay! Okay! We hear you! Spirits be damned… ” A voice pleaded from the speaker.
Dusk grinned from ear to ear at the skeleton key the Zone gave her. As for me? Well what do you think?
The side hinges gave a loud pop followed by a long hiss as hidden locks moved.
“Now that is a big door. ” I whispered to no one in particular. I’m pretty sure Blue did the same. A multiple-meter thick slab of metal that smoothly creeped over the rail seemed to just beckon for acknowledgement. Though the wait was… could it hurry up? I wasn’t exactly in the mood to be with my thoughts right then.
Sea Mist looked back at me just as I started tapping one of my back hooves, because of course she would. “You okay?”
“Yeah! Just… uhhh… excited to see who I can help.”
She gave me a slight brow raise before scooting back to me. “What did I say about treating me like a foal?”
Luckily, I didn’t need to answer her. I was saved by the bel— or in this case I guess it would be the door’s siren. “I’m not. It’s nothing.” I trotted off towards the familiar sandbags and guns.
The nice deer at the customs tables stamped me through pretty fast, too. We were probably the first trackers they had in a while, judging by the drool running down one of the sleeper’s faces.
Apple Station was a two-story pylon station, much like the other locations in the Ring. Dual stairs rose on both sides of the hall, separated by space and a centered track that ran further inward, to a massive central turntable. In the old days, elders said places like these were the jugular of the city; a station that could connect you to any and every line. Now the heart was a bazaar, filled with working terminals, clothes, and, of course, weapons.
But what truly made this place stand out was the adjacent halls through the gaps in the pylons. Apartments, schools, even a small band playing cool jazz all neatly sectioned into the spaces provided. The zebra and deer lived on the same level, unlike the Old Guard, and indulged in each other's culture.
In the crowds that passed, I thought I saw something. A head wrapped in cloth leaned on the wall. It felt like it was smiling; one of those sadistic grins you never really feel . The stranger waved, revealing bones where their hoof should’ve been, before putting on a cowboy hat and disappearing with the flow of the crowd.
I gave chase.
“Serenity?!” I heard Hoarfrost holler from behind, but didn’t acknowledge it. I just pushed through the crowd looking for that damn hat. None of the scolding or passive aggressive gestures of the deer nor zebra bother me either because I found him. Retribution stood just at the other end of the whole station, past the bazaar. I could see the bitch!
Why? Why did I follow him? I couldn't explain why… but wouldn’t you? If the spirit of Fate itself decided it needed to show up personally. Did we have unfinished business or—
phhhfffttt
So we did… or why else would he taunt with riffling?
I pushed out of the crowd into the area where he stood, next to a cave-in. Rocks covered with wax from dying colorful candles, vases with anemones, and paint. Paint that bled down from a mural above. I could glance up to the edge of its circular base. It read: 17 . Just that made the memories start slowly trickling in…
You’re okay, Serenity. Just look for distractions!
I tried breathing. It always used to work. But no matter how much I tried to slow my mind to match my breath… Well, let's just say it was an impossible race.
I glanced at where Retribution should’ve been and of course he was gone. That fucking asshole.
“Bitch .” I finally let out after an unhealthy amount of glaring at the ground. I keep my eyes down flooding my brain with white noise. Grain out the moments coming into my head, so I could weasel away from the mural. It was nothing but a cave-in and I’d like to keep it that way.
I continued staring at my hooves, walking me down the halls. After a while, I finally felt— safe isn’t the right word but it was the only thing that surfaced from the mind’s ocean of static. That and… phantoms .
My dreams were better than this. A pair of colts, no older than five or six, were everywhere. Every food stand, bench and path laughing, crying, chasing one another. A monochrome tragicomedy of a zebra and his little pony brother just for my eyes alone.
Lucky me…
Wait, I think I remember this church…
yeah , this is where tíà died.
I sat there. The step right below the top.
The little monochrome pony hid his face in his hooves on the steps. He made no sound, but didn’t try to hide the tears flowing down his cheeks and forehooves. Within a single unconscious blink, the zebra colt from before was next to him. He consoled the pony, rubbing a hoof up and down his back. At the stand nearby, the zebra also bought him fish on a stick. One last blink, and they were back to chasing each other away in bliss. Straight into adolescence.
As I kept walking down the street, my gut twisting as slowly that pair’s relationship turned sour. As the pony grew, naturally, so did his dysphoria. He wasn’t like anyone else… sure he was raised in zebra culture, practiced the same faith, and even spoke some of the mother tongue, but he always felt like a tourist. The other zebras his age didn’t help that at all. Echoes of jumpings in alleys stopped only by his brother– sometimes – others would just treat him as the other . So he took it out on his brother. Screamed and cried that he would never understand. He was a perfect child, one that brought warmth with his words and actions. How could he understand?
All the phantoms became twisted, bled from monochrome to rustic. Each instance of fighting in front of in front food stands, in alleyways, and on walks. Every single one, the pony ran and left brother alone. He was good at running. He always was.
The shadows stopped dancing as I glanced up at one of the buildings. It was a mushroom tea shop. I heard back in the day it was famous enough to bring travelers from all around the metro into its walls. I never really cared for it, and it seems everyone thinks the same now. Through the chicken-wire windows there were no customers, only a bored teen at the register trying to pay for schooling…
I don’t even remember why I picked this building, but my vision slowly flattened and tunneled when I looked into the alley next to it.
Huh, the layout hadn’t changed after all this time. I hopped onto the dusty makeshift dumpster and started to climb. Each hoofhold in the wall felt like an old friend as I climbed higher and higher out of the shadow, and into the fluorescent light above.
There was a familiar figure up there already. Tan and slim with a messy mane of dirt hair, stripes running down his back. The pony just sat there on the edge watching the world below. I took off all my gear, putting it neatly into a small pile, before going to sit next to him.
He took in a few quick, deep breaths. Look over to me and said, “I’m sorry to annoy you, but I can’t sleep—“
“How many times have you heard that before?” Retribution cut him off.
“Oh, so now you wanna talk? Fucking die.”
“Cute,” He snickered. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’ll certainly outlive you.”
I turned around to see the old duster and hat. The light bent around him, as if at his will. Most of his face was casted into shadow with that same subject.
“So you gonna talk or…?”
“No, no. I'm right where I need to be in the play.”
“Annoying me?”
Fate shook his head. “Waiting. These things take a bit of time, nurakhu. We could play a game, if you’re really that bored already.”
“I’m good.”
“Maybe,” He grinned. “All relative terms.”
This fucking tail sniffer.
“Well that’s a rude comment,” Retribution continued. “I wasn’t joking. I say exactly what I mean to.”
“Then humor me.”
“With why?”
“Don’t play coy, yudipota! Just answer.” I snapped.
“So much more anger… yet a foe like me is no match for mortals, certainly not you. I’m just waiting for an answer,” He raised a hoof. “So are you ready to take my offer?”
I turned away. “No.”
“Disappointing. I’ll give you a few minutes to reconsider.”
“Can’t you just fuck off!” I snapped.
“Oh… uh… sorry. I-I didn’t know anyone was up here.”
A zebra stood where the spirit had. His hooves trembled, ready to give way at the slightest breeze.
How didn’t I hear him come up?
“I can leave if—“
“No, it’s fine. Really. Sorry for yelling at you. I just haven’t been having a great day.” I cut him off.
The young stallion sat down at my side on the ledge. “Me neither… I— Mmmm…” he glanced away from me before asking, “Are you a kalág?”
“No.”
“But I’ve never seen stripes on—“
“I’m just…” I searched for the right word but nothing felt earned. I had to settle on what was given. “A nurakhu.”
“You make it sound horrible, but what’s so bad about being a nurakhu? You can talk to the spirits! You can ask why…”
The slight drag on his last word twisted my gut. “Why do you ask that?”
The zebra shifted on his hooves.
“Sorry. Let’s restart this,” I cleared my throat before adding. “I’m Serenity.”
“Kiburi. Are you sure you’re not a spirit?” There was a hint of spite in his tone.
“I don’t see where this is—“
“Your name— oh sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Kiburi verbally pounced on me mid-sentence.
I waved for him to continue.
“O-okay,” His mouth betrayed him, cracking into a small grin. One he quickly whipped away. “Your name. It sounds like it should belong to a spirit like: Vigil, Hope, or Retribution.”
I felt the blood race down my cheeks as Retribution leaned out from behind Kiburi’s head. First was his hat, then came his impossible grin. Joy stolen from the colt but twisted it into something more. Something existential. A reminder for me, but for what… wait .
“Kiburi, why did you come up here?”
His eyes shot down to the ground and Retribution wrapped a hoof around him. “Come on, totò.” He slipped between his voice and his own. “Help him. If you can.”
How?
Hell, what would he – Amani… What would have Amani done?
…
No. What would I do?
Kiburi stared over the edge, his hooves shaking. Itching tremble slowly grew more steady and harsher, but no tears came. I joined him, glancing down at the little groups walking to and fro on the street. Some were going to work while others were going home, both dragging their hooves behind them, as the lights of the station silently dimmed to signify evening had begun. It felt like hours as the streets fell silent and an idea came to mind.
“If you really want to die, I’d suggest a higher building,” His ears perked up at my words. “The fall… it’ll just hurt.”
His head whipped around. “But I… How’d you— no. No ! How would you know?”
“Just a thought I had from halfway down.”
I let the words hang out there for Kiburi. He tightened his brow, searching through my eyes for some understanding but I gave him only static. This was nothing but a repeat of an old story, just not a monologue.
After I felt he had more than enough time, I added, “So, what happened?”
“How would a pony understand?” His stoicism didn’t crack. Not an inch. “She’s gone because of your kind.”
Kiburi’s lip began to quiver as he scuffed, “Why would the spirits send you?”
The comment widened Retribution’s grin. Yet just as quickly as that joy came, it vanished on the tune of a whistle that haunted the air. The crevasses of his skull deepened as his eye sockets darkened. With a blink, Retribution was gone. I whipped my head around to see what he did but only found a griffon. The big— well, they were actually smaller than Gage but still big— slick, black bird, with orange eyes and long braids within their crest feathers, was just watering some flowers on a nearby balcony. They even gave a little smile and wave when they noticed me looking over. Why would Fate be scared of a normal bird?
I shook my head and turned back to Kiburi, face hidden back in his hooves. At that moment, It felt like a warm, dry… claw? Maybe a hoof? Something. Something touched my forehead soothingly. I could think clearly.
He wasn’t really expecting an answer. Just raging against the world and its imperfections.
I just saw… me . But then who am I? I’m not Amani. I didn’t wait for anyone. I ran. I ran because it makes me feel better, because it was easy. I can’t let someone become as weak as m—
“I just feel like I don’t understand anything.” He finished my sentence.
I sighed. “Me too.”
Kiburi clipped a little beat with his hooves. “S-sorry for lashing out.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Do… Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
My ears shot up. “Sure, if I can also ask one.”
“Uhhh…”
“Another time then.”
“O-okay,” He took a deep breath. “What are you? I know you’re not a spirit but…”
“I know. Well, if you want the boring answer, I was just raised by zebras. No. I don’t know anything about my blood parents, nor do I really want to. They left me, but I still have— had a family… though I don’t know what I am.”
“I guess I’m not alone.”
I wanted to tell him everything would be alright, but that’s a lie. What good would lying do? The world is unfair, but… I think I’m starting to see what Dusk does. What Sea Mist believes in. What Hoarfrost, even if not wholeheartedly, fights for. It’s a warm feeling. Something that language fails to express.
“Does it get better?” Kiburi asked.
I paused. Memories slowly peeked out of their hidden doors. Frozen frames from the last few days.
“Does it get better? Cause I just feel lost.” He leaned closer, his pupils growing.
“Honestly…? Yeah . It does seem to get a little better, but it varies.”
“When?”
That made me bow my head.
Kiburi scooted a little closer to the edge. “That’s what I thought.”
I took a few deep breaths, then sighed again. “Look. I'm not the best with words but… umm… if you really believe that it doesn’t get better. That happiness passed you by, like the snowflakes above, then I won’t stop you. Not that I ever could. It’s your choice. For better or for worse.”
I got up, put my gear back on, and looked over the edge one final time before quietly repeating for myself. “For better or for worse. ”
I left him be. To think about his view from halfway down. Falls like these define who you really are. I hope Kiburi wasn’t like me. With a heavy heart, I climbed down the floor below. Back into the shadows.
Thinking was hard. All that was running through my mind was questions centered around Kiburi. Did I say the right things? Would he listen? I guess I had to wait to find out. Spirits, I hope he just listens to his stripes. You don’t have to be nurakhu to hear them. It’s what connects every zebra to the Infinite. A whirlpool of traditions brought upon each one’s connection to the world.
In every school, we were taught about the original tribes back home, the ones conquered by the oppressors from the sky. Roughly two centuries of culture war under an iron hoof. Two centuries until one tribe, with the forced help of others, slaughtered the conquerors. Those who survived, disappeared. Their ‘honor’ , power… even their language was taken. When the tribe’s leader thrusted his blade through the ruler’s heart, he took his crown and placed it upon his head. He looked to his warriors as he declared himself something more than before: Caesar, the title of the pony at his hooves. From that day, the other zebras felt it in their stripes that a new oppressor was born. The culture war never ceased and tribes, at least the ones that were quick, left with their culture and faith before Caesar could take it from them. Traveling across continents to new locations or to join other tribes. The homelands were home no longer. So much lost in a trade for a ‘superior’ culture, one that could ‘never’ be conquered again.
Hopefully Kiburi will listen. Realize he’s another in a long line of broken people. That sure, he may not see the point right now but… it’s funny how we always seem to find the strength to go on. It’s in his natural… born… stripes.
But what does that make me? The paradox? Am I the oppressor or the oppressed? Does it even matter what I think? Both sides don’t claim me, so I guess I’m just the other. A thing . Even if the culture is all I know.
I really wish someone would’ve talked to me like I did Kiburi….
I didn’t like those thoughts, but it’s hard to think about anything else. So I decided it was time to knock on the sky again. To say hello to my childhood hero.
I weaved through the crowd, back to the destroyed exit. Well because if the Infinite was in the mood to shut down my day, I might as well add onto it. I rested my hooves just before I got to the wall, removing all my gear like burdens. I feel the randoms on the street staring at my stripes. Stripes, I’m sure, they believed I didn’t earn. Honestly, I was starting not to care…
The exit to Apple Station was originally to the surface; a vein many stalkers used to keep the station in excellent health. Now it was a tomb of rocks, steel, and concrete. A shrine for one: 17. I wonder if the Order ever thought they’d live long enough to have seventeen leaders. Seventeen pillars of the community. 17 buried whatever bits of bones, loose muscle fiber and personal will was left. He must have had a lot… because I still feel it with every single hoofstep towards that wall.
I took in breath and stepped forward.
It does get better… even if only a little.
I exhaled and took another step.
I can only hope, but yet…
I couldn’t do it. I fell to my knees right in front of the wall.
Hope is a self inflicted punishment.
I tried to look up, but my eyes stopped once again at the bleeding 17 at the bottom of the mural. My vision began to grow staticky as the edges vignetted into black. Like the world was flattening, as my eyes were giving into the pressure. Little pins all over my body. I wanted to scream, but for what?
All I could do was shakily touch the wall, but even that shot needles everywhere. I recoiled, dropping all my weight onto the floor barely managing to hold myself up with my hooves. I didn’t even realize I was crying.
A pair of hooves wrapped around me. “Amani really loved you, Serenity. You know that, don’t you?”
It looked like Amani at first but I rubbed my eyes and saw Sea Mist.
“What would you know?” I sharply exhaled.
“I have a pretty good idea of who you are.”
“You look into my head again for that one?”
She shook her head. “I heard the stories from Hoarfrost and others: Amani, the 17th and youngest leader ever of the Order, and his younger brother who was attached to him at the hip. I also heard from Dusk… what you tried to do. That’s why you left home, isn’t it?”
“I’m not as strong as them. I’m not a charismatic politician or a bold stalker. I was never a stalker to begin with. And I’m certainly not him!” I finally found the strength to look up at the mural as I pointed. On the rubble still filled with candles, layers of wax melted into the decaying stone, They captured my brother’s image perfectly. Even down to the funny little charcoal dipped tips of his white dreads that he was always so proud of. They didn’t make him stoic; he was anything but. Instead, he was smiling— laughing even— in front of the glowing sun. For everyone, he’s what they imagined sunlight felt like.
“Serenity… we talked about this. You don’t have to feel bad. We –”
“I don’t feel bad! Hell, I don't even know why I feel… empty.” I cut her off.
Blue sighed, “Serenity, you can’t just keep attacking yourself forever.”
“Who’s gonna stop me?”
“You’ll kill yourself.”
I couldn’t help but look away from her. Sea Mist tried to tighten her hug but I tugged it loose. Honestly, I expected Retribution to show, but shit… I guess he had enough of my sorrows. Nothing but faceless masses of deer and zebra trotting past. Even the griffon from earlier was there, watering the flowers— they looked like anemones— of a small stand. Then my eyes landed on a familiar face in the sea of the bodies. A young zebra from the rooftops, he wasn’t smiling but he didn’t look as sad either. He was just Kiburi.
“Hey Blue,” She jolted a little at my sudden words. “Do you believe in a higher power?”
She furrowed her brow for a moment. “I… I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“This world it’s— well if there is a god, their light was taken from us like the sun a long time ago. But, if there isn’t then I guess we’re just nothing. I don’t believe there’s nothing. Though I can see why others can. Now, I may not follow a structured, specific religion, but I still believe in something. I think that’s what matters. Not necessarily believing simply in a god or gods, but something. Believing in something.”
That was beautiful. Words Amani would’ve loved.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier i-it was mean.
“No, no. I know you’re trying. It’s okay,” She tightened her hug just that little bit more. “We’ll get there. Even if it’s foalsteps.”
I looked up at Amani’s mural and cracked a grin.
Would you look at that, noy? It’s like you never left.
“What was he like?”
I turned to get a better look at her before completely returning her embrace. “You. Exactly like you.”
“Really?” That made Sea Mist blush. I know because I could feel the warmth from her face on my collar.
“Yeah. Makes me proud of you, Sea Mist, and you should be too.”
We held each other for… spirits only know how long. Just letting the seconds turn to minutes. Real connection.
“So, before this gets awkwardly long–”
“It’s far past that.” Blue cut me off with a chuckle.
“Hehehe… yeah. So, you wanna go try some fish?”
She raised a brow. “Fish?”
I made the same face when Amani first asked me that. Glad he forced me to eat it, or I would’ve never touched it.
“Mhhh,” I gave a full smile. “I know a great little vendor nearby. Come on! You’ll love it.”
Blue was really trying to study if this was a ploy or not. Ultimately, she shrugged.
“Cool. Just give me a second here real quick,” I got up and touched his mural, putting my forehead to the stone before whispering, “mano po, noy.”
I turned around before she could ask me what I said. Then I told her exactly the statement every tragedy the zebra survived was followed by. “Come on, bi. Let's eat.”
Chapter Twelve:
“To love… isn’t something weak folk do.”
I made sure to apologize for running away so many times before and after we left the Apple Station. Hoarfrost actually threatened to punch me if I kept doing it… so, naturally, I tested the limits on that. I’m still waiting for the punch. It was nice to let loose a little.
Anxiety hit me like an Emission, though; all its flashing colors filling my head. We had one more station before Friendship. Ah, shit! What am I going to say to my parents…? ‘Hi! Sorry, I was out getting milk from the surface.’?
A light smack hit the back of my head. “Wake up.”
Dusk was there grinning when I opened my eyes. The small trolley-turned-makeshift-caravan we joined in Apple Station had stopped at the gate of our next location.
Doemetheus Station, named after the famous novel, really did remind me of the lab Merry Sika described in her work. For the ones who don’t get that: it was a mess. They didn’t even have anyone at the customs office, and I really didn’t put it past them. Half the station was charred. Hoarfrost and I both looked at each other. I think a solid connection was made, because we practically stepped over each other's words.
“They need help.”
… We also both recoiled our heads a little.
“That was a little weird,” Dusk leaned in between us with a powerful shit-eating grin, possibly the greatest one in the whole system. “But yeah, I agree.”
Everydeer around was either helping reconstruct homes, cooking meals at the makeshift kitchen on the center track, or eating. Between the lines and the building materials was a singular deer giving orders— not screaming or demanding like one would think, but softly and excitedly explaining what needed to be done.
“Te!” The doe hollered.
I raised a brow, looked around then pointed to myself.
“Yeah,” She waved us over. “All of you!”
We didn’t even get fully over to her before she continued. “You tourists? Or are you useful?”
Sea Mist and I made the same twisted mask of confusion, emphasized with a small recoil. Hoarfrost scratched his chin floof in a vain attempt to hide his glances at Dusk for help. The bat just sighed– radiating unadulterated disappointment towards us— before turning and smiling, “How can we help?”
Her whole snout curved in a grin. “Perfect. You, hevoskyyhkynen, and the maissi can help with the homes. The boot-lickers will serve.” Quickly, she returned back to giving orders.
“Well that’s a litt—“ I put a hoof in Hoarfrost’s mouth before he could insult the doe.
While Dusk cheerfully guided Sea Mist over to the builders, I got the attention of the deer again with a poke on the shoulder. She turned and raised a brow. “Whatcha need?”
“Nothing, nothing… but you know you basically sent a filly to do hard labor, right?”
“Ohhh…” She gave a hearty chuckle. “Jealous that the girls get to play? Well unless you two are hiding some gift from the Zone of flight or levitation, I suggest you get to cooking. They’re gonna be hungry in an hour!”
“But he is a unicorn.”
“Huh?” She squinted at Hoarfrost. “I guess… he is! Well, it’s too late now. Those two are already over there. Your friend should get a haircut so I can see his damn horn next time!”
I grunted in agreement, taking Hoarfrost with me to the pop-up kitchen. I really wish she would've stopped laughing while we walked over, though. It probably would’ve prevented half of the stares we got.
The tent used for the area had seen much better days. I wouldn’t doubt if the same rats that chewed the holes throughout also pissed on it for good measure. But, despite all that, it held up well. Squeezing past the fawns at play and the adults making holly, we encountered who I could only assume was the head chef. They had one of those funny white hats; A tall one with side frills like you’d see on weathered postcards. The deer turned and smiled at us from behind one of the stoves… well, if you could call a hot plate a stove.
“Hallooo! More hooves from Bright Birch are always appreciated. Call me Wind River.”
“Wait,” I paused. “Isn’t… that’s a pony name.”
“Yeah?” The word left his lips so nonchalantly.
“But what about your langua—“
“Look, I can chat, but we got shit to do. So wash your hooves and decide who’s cooking and who’s taking tickets, okay?”
I nodded as he focused back on his pot. Wind River must not have seen the gesture, though, as he asked again, but with a little more bite in his voice, “Okay?”
“Okay.” Hoarfrost was already managing the front. The bastard had beaten me to the easier job, go figure.
Look, if you were expecting me to go in detail about what food was being made… well… I would’ve loved to know what it was, too. I just prepped for him. Carrots finely diced then passed, followed by measured corn, twigs (okay…), and a bucket of… holy shit, HOW much salt ?!
Wind dumped every ingredient hoofed to him into the pot, and stirred. The mixture was dirty, like the rice my mom used to make. As appetizing as it looked, I’m not too keen on actual sticks in my food. On the thought of culture, though…
“Wind.”
“Yeah?” The buck cheerfully responded.
“You have a very pony name… sorry if I come off as a dick, but what’s your actual name?”
Wind sighed. I must have pushed a button. “I-I’m sorr–”
“Why? There’s nothing to be sorry about. You just asked a question,” He chuckled to try and lighten the tension. “We… don’t use traditional names. There’s just so few fluent speakers anymore. Sure, maybe there’s some mummo out there in the outer ring, but that’s unlikely. We just use what words we know, to try and keep that part of us alive. Also, all the merchants speak in Ponish, so there’s that too.”
Hoarfrost turned around with a brow raised. “What do you mean by that?”
“By what?”
“You acting like speaking Ponish is a bad thing.”
“That’s not what I said.” Wind River shook his head.
“Then what are you saying?”
“That it’s. The tongue that less than a fourth of the population of the old world spoke, but yet is now the language of business; of wealth. Even pony works from before the Beginning treated it so. Paska! It’s crazy reading those stories now. About the new technologies and racial science from the war…” The deer let out a little snort. “Is this the glory they talked about? Living in tunnels like rats? Building our homes from the corpses of cultures they destroyed? Stalliongrad was our home, too.”
A silence settled in. I only noticed then that other chefs had been listening the whole time. They were glaring at Hoarfrost. He was the simulacrum for all their anger, a position earned by his own words alone. It wasn’t ‘til the soft humming of a song from the builders outside floated in did Hoarfrost decide to break the silence.
“I understand your pain. In fact, I can help because—“
“You’re Old Guard? That's what you were gonna say, right? Don’t worry; Unlike your friend here, you smell of ivory and romanticism.”
Hoarfrost was left agape. There’s no recovery when you’re read like an open book…
“That’s sweet, coming from a chef.” The chairpone snickered.
…but I guess that only applies to me.
Wind gave a little chuckle with his grin. “You’d be surprised what you can tell about a person by how they cook. You, for example, wanna be in charge.”
“You got me there, but how else do you expect me to change the world?”
“‘Change ’, huh?” he spat.
“Yeah,” Hoarfrost tightened his brow. “And I already succeeded. I just need to end this stupid fucking war, then I fix the Old Guard completely.”
“Well, what stopped you from doing that before?”
“I-it’s not– well it’s…” Hoarfrost trailed off into thought. “Complicated.”
“Now that’s a crock of bullshit.” The chief elbowed me, inviting me to join him in laughter. I decided to abstain.
“So… hahaha,” Wind River whipped tears from his eyes before continuing. “Uncomplicate it for a bulletless buck like me, will ya?”
Hoarfrost’s face quickly contorted from objection into defeat. He held in a deep breath and just stared down at his hooves, studying the cracks in the floor that ran along them. The whisker valley guidelines made sure he wouldn’t step out of place. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, shifting into the little fissures.
“There’s nothing complicated about it. I just…” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Those… those were words I didn’t ever expect.
“That’s okay,” Wind grinned. “No fawn knows everything. It’s the willingness to learn that defines who we are.”
“Finally, an ideal we can share.” Hoarfrost returned the smile with his own.
It’s the willingness to learn that defines who we are…
I couldn’t get those words out of my head. Had I been reading Hoarfrost wrong? Did– Is he trying to improve? To learn? Have I been treating him like Blue? Spirits, I’m a monster, now that I think about it...
I guess my thoughts bled into my facial expressions, because Hoarfrost was softly looking at me.
“Serenity,” He treated his tone with such careful precision like that of a true stalker. “When your entire personality is a political stance, you don't have one. Last I checked, my loved ones are dating a flesh and blood pony, not a poster.”
“Yeah…” I let the word escape my lips.
“Well fuck me, never thought Ivory here would be the kind!” Wind River let out a heart chuckle.
“So,” The buck turned his gaze to me, verbally thinking with a low hum. “What are you? You’re not Old Guard and the gear steers you away from Independent, though I have been wrong before. You could be some rich bastard. Hmmmm… You jumped in without question to assist, but wore your sorrows like a mask. Fucking weird case you are. Paska! I’m stumped! Please, what’s your story?”
I couldn’t help but look away a little. “Nothing special. Same sad story just about everyone has down here.”
“Bullshit. You were raised by zebras.”
“I thought you said you were stumped?” I raised a brow.
“And I thought you said you were nothing special, but how many zebra-raised ponies do you know?”
I shook my head. “That doesn’t change anything.”
Wind River snickered, failing to prevent it from snowballing into a short but hearty laugh. He wiped the tears from the folds of his eyes as quickly as they came. “You know, my fawn says the same things all the time. And just like them, you’re afraid of you. So what if your truth doesn’t change anything; You are you. So what if you can’t help currently with who you are? Just as it takes skill to lift frames, it takes people to cook for those same tired souls. Ei kukaan ole seppä syntyessään. You have time… no need to rush anything.”
I couldn’t give a retort; there was nothing more to say. Just an awkward, unapologetic silence… which the sound of cheering and laughter chopped cleanly through. A group of fawns were pestering their exhausted parents, who were just trying to eat. Hell, they weren’t even trying to talk with one another.
“Poor bastards. They need a break.” I heard Wind snicker.
My body took a step towards them but I stopped myself. I could help distract their kids for a while but… no. What right do I have in doing that? I’m an outsider. A nobody looking to do what? Just–
“Go on,” Hoarfrost shook my shoulder. “It is your talent.”
“Talent?” The buck tilted his head.
Hoarfrost turned to him and smiled. “He’s a storyteller. It’s like his job to distract children and adults alike.”
It was… wasn’t it?
The chairpo– no, my friend’s words pushed me over the edge; to help alleviate some pain from the parents. They looked up at me as I explained what I was. A storyteller. Not a professional one, or even a great one, but a storyteller nevertheless. I mean, cutie marks aren’t given out based on how perfect you are at something; Just your natural connection to it.
Each fawn’s family sat them down as I pulled over cushions to sit on and to toss my gear onto. It was getting hot; could you really blame me? The fawns were just as interested in what the story would be as they were of the stripes on my body as I took off my jacket.
One of the fawns raised their hoof while others just whispered amongst each other.
I shook my head. “This isn’t class. You don’t have to raise your hoof.”
“Oh.” They gave a little squeak in embarrassment. “Umm… your back… does it hurt? From the scars?”
“Oh, those? They aren’t scars.” I looked back to my stripes and chuckled.
“But I thought only zebras had stripes?”
“Well, that’s not true. My family are zebras. Each…” Little images of Amani’s smile flashed in my head as I paused. “And every one.”
The fawns were confused, but who could blame them. The pause was weird, and the stranger in front of them wiping away a few tears was probably weirder.
I took a breath before continuing. “Do you all like stories? Hahaha… everyone likes stories; what’s the point in asking? The better question is: who wants to hear a story? ”
I was right about everyone liking stories. Hell, the fawns literally screamed and raised their hooves, begging for tale. But what should it be? An Inhabitant of the Valley? No, I don’t think they’d get it. That’s too ingrained in my culture. What about Singing Rhapsod— no, no . That’s way too dark for kids! Hmmm… light and simple… light and… huh.
“Let me tell you about the first nurakhu.”
The fawns all stared at me, wide-eyed. Most cultures in the metro tunnels knew what a nurakhu was– even the Old Guard– but few knew what it meant… besides the zebras, of course. They were an enigma for cultures focused on more … individualistic goals.
“Well, long before the bombs, and even the creation of the nation of Equestria… while the mountains were young, there were the tribes of Farasi. Just after the nomadic age, a few of the tribes tried to unite all communities, but not under friendship and good will; Instead, through conquest. A tearful tide that washed over the land. They tore families apart, killing off anyzebra who tried to resist, infecting the very land upon which they settled. Everything was sick, and the free tribes could just feel it. One of the tribes, Solaris, the zebras of the valley, tried to stand against them like many before. And like the ones before, they were broken and eradicated. But from the charred battlefield rose one zebra, and like a wraith, they came back. They claimed they saw something. A land with no sky, no light. A void which a being walked out of and extended a hoof to them. They took it and next they knew, they woke up. From the fallen, they grabbed their sister’s armor and their brother’s spear. They painted themselves in the image of what they could only believe was a spirit, with what could be found. Green markings around the body, covering their stripes, and a mask they carved to hide their face. This masked hero roamed Farasi, protecting those who could not protect themselves, giving the tribes the help to not only fight, but to live. From an extra farmhoof, to a shaman, or a warrior; They did what was needed of them. But not everyzebra loved them. Those uniters would prefer that they see them fail. Fall; Die trying. To have the ultimate example to others of what lies ahead for the path of a hero.”
At that point, most of the adults around were leaning in to listen. I looked over to the kitchen and, hell… even Wind River was enwrapped, jaw agape, while Hoarfrost smiled. The sight brought a smile to my lips too.
“Well,” I paused to mold a bit more into character. “Soon the zebra was beginning to be called ‘nurakhu’: teacher, friend, warden. Everywhere they went, a little bit more of the revenge that fueled them was sapped away. They learned to stop fighting for themselves, and instead, for the breath of others. Everyzebra that met the nurakhu. They became family. That wandering soul even found love; Someone to forever be tied to, for as long as the stripes on their stayed. But, like I said before, others wanted to see them fall. Spies ratted the nurakhu out, and once again the drums of war marched right up to their new family. Ndizi, the leader of the conquerors, came personally to present the ‘hero ’ with a choice. He gazed down at the village with his battalions in hoof, snarling as he shouted, ‘You know why we’re here. So I’ll give you a choice! The village or you . Make your choice, and see how a hero is rewarded!’ ”
The fawns jumped a little as I drew out those last few words for as much emotion as they would give me. Only after a showman’s pause— to tastefully build tension of course— did I continue.
“The nurakhu turned to their new family. Each one held the universe in their eyes. Stardust and photons dancing across a dark, wide sea. They sighed, and hugged the ones closest to them. One. Last. Time,” I paused again, but not to add tension. Not this time. It was instead to look at Hoarfrost. He was trapped in a frightened wonder, not as the bureaucrat that started this journey, but instead as a tired colt with dirty hooves from thankless work. That’s what I wanted. The story was for them, more than any of the fawns here. “They marched out to face Ndizi, alone with their spear in hoof. No one could see it, but under the nurakhu’s mask a grin grew with each step. They stopped meters away from Ndizi looking into the eyes of the zebra who burned their village to the ground. But what would’ve been rage before was replaced with determination. What happened to their old family wouldn’t happen again even if the price is high.
‘So, you actually came,’ Ndizi walked right up to them and smacked them to the ground. Pinning them down with his body weight. The nurakhu’s spine crawled as the zebra got close to their ear. ‘Stay down or everyone dies.’
It wasn’t a hard choice. They took every punch and kick until Ndizi finally stepped back exhausted. A voice screamed out as tiny hooves ran towards the nurakhu. No one stopped the filly instead watching with bated breath as he ran into the hero, crying into their fur while trying to squeeze them into a hug. The filly was repeating: get up .
Ndizi laughed, his face contorting into a wickedly thin grin and kicked over the nurakhu spear, ‘The little ones wants you to get up, then get up!’
Bullies like Ndizi want to milk everyone for every drop of power. That's why he wanted them to get up; So he could show what he’d do to others like them. What they’d do to heroes… but you see, the nurakhu didn’t fear death. They had faced the Collector before. No, they feared the pain of losing the ones they found. And… that’s all a hero is… someone who’s brave for the ones they love, without anything in return.
The nurakhu pushed the filly back as he balanced himself up onto his spear. Their mask was now bloody but still on. The sight made Ndizi sick. He couldn’t understand how they wouldn’t show who they really are.
‘Take off the mask, coward!’ He screamed until his throat hurt.
The nurakhu retorted simply, ‘I wear no mask.’
Ndizi tightened his brow, unsheathing his blade and charged. The nurakhu mirrored his actions meeting him half way there. One clean pair of cuts ended the conflict, as both of them slid to a stop past each other. Ndizi, the conqueror, fell to his knees, and collapsed into the mud. Only shortly after, when the nurakhu made sure every zebra had seen what happened, they walked away… straight through the army the conqueror had brought. No one stopped them, partly because they didn’t know if they could, but also because they didn’t have a reason to anymore. Their reason was covered in mud.
Before the nurakhu disappeared into the plains, they looked back and smiled, ‘I don’t know what you’re waiting for. He’s gone. It’s over. Now do better than him.’
And those were the last words that anyone heard from them. Many believe they went off and freed the rest of the nation, but the only one who knows that for sure… is the first nurakhu.”
From the fawns to the adults, everyone was biting their tongues as if breaking the silence would make them forget everything they just heard. It was off-putting… until one of the adults started clapping. That one turned into five, then eventually, every listener joined in the act. The wave of sound made my chest flutter.
“Hey,” Hoarfrost tapped me on the shoulder. “The chief said we could take a break after that performance. Cook something a little less… salty . Want to join me?”
I stole what little of a look I could from the fawns. They were playing pretend. Re-enacting the story again so they could be little heroes. The smile it gave me was a weak one, but it was joy nonetheless.
I followed Hoarfrost to a quieter section in the place. He slid a single plate off his back onto the table, and it wasn’t what I expected. Baha… baha, in a place like this? At Friendship station, they cost— well I don’t remember exactly, but they did cost a lot. Yet here one was, each leaf splayed out; rays of soft, tender heart’s sun. I slid one of the forks off the plate and played around with its weight in my hooves…
I hadn’t had one of these since I was a kid. Don’t think it was because I was hardcore or anything; My family just didn’t really have the money to pay for it once the war started ramping up.
“You can eat it. You don’t need to psychoanalyze a flower, Serenity.” Hoarfrost giggled, picking up the other fork with his magic.
“Sorry, just… how? Aren’t these expensive?”
He sighed. “Always you with the prices. Wind River had one from another traveler that didn’t want it. Can’t you just accept a good thing?”
“Being skeptical keeps me alive.”
“Yeah, but being a hardass is also detrimental to your mental health.”
“Dude… ”
“Am I wrong?”
I pressed my lips into a thin line and whispered. “Fuck you. ”
I grabbed a piece of the leaf and a bit. It was cooked perfectly ! Gentle, Pleasantly Aromatic, That slight bitter taste mixed with banana. And you know what makes it even better? Its texture is fish! Fish! It’s funny, really.
“Another smile?! Give too many of those and the others might think you’re actually happy.” Hoarfrost snickered.
“I—“ The shitty joke made my stomach erupt with laughter. I wish I could’ve taken a picture of him. Of his warmth in that smile. The softness… I was wrong before in only thinking of him as a bureaucrat. Only when that thought came did his mask come back on as he twisted his face back into one of control. Hoarfrost cleared his throat and looked me dead in the eyes.
“Speaking of… changing what others think…” He sighed giving up on constructing his middle manager type question. “Why did you change the tale?”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?” I rolled my eyes and took another bite of baha.
“Serenity . I just want to know why you looked at me before you changed it.”
I shook my head. “Folks like you focus too much on the content of stories instead of the context: the ideas and emotions left behind.”
“Oh my Celestia,” Hoarfrost facehoofed and keep his anger to a shouted whisper. “That’s not what I’m referring to. The first nurakhu abandoned that tribe. It burned ; the conquerors only fell because zebras rose against them, and that’s why no one knows who that nurakhu was! It’s a cautionary tale!”
“I know. I know . But that’s not why I changed it. I—“
“So why then?” He jumped into my sentence.
I swear if he anxiously cuts me off again then he can walk to Friendship on his own!
I let out a little puff. “I was about to explain. You cool with that? Oh, good. You're nodding. Thank you. Look… I just believed they deserved a different presentation of the message. The story of the first nurakhu focuses so heavily on what not to do, that it fails to help us learn what we could do. It doesn’t help us learn to think. T-that’s pretty much what I’m saying.”
“Huh,” He softened his expression. “I can get behind that. Life truly is just about cherishing these little specks of time with others. Why spend it hating?”
“Listen, I just tell stories. I’m not a philosopher or—“
“No!” I was okay with him cutting me off this time. Well, at least subconsciously. “Stories teach us things. I mean come on, do you remember how many books were in my little hideout back at Sunlight? They teach us lessons about how to live… and forgive.”
Hoarfrost hid his eyes from me and let out a long sigh. “I didn’t want this, but that doesn’t matter anymore. Serenity… I- I was scared. I just stood there and watched you. How could I have let that happen? I can’t even comprehend how that changed you, and I’m sorry.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to understand before something else separates us.”
Something in me refused to believe him. Eight years. Eight brutal years since it happened, and he never spoke to me. I doubt he remembered I existed. That I was real, and not an event he imagined. That— wait. One has to tell the body to wait. I can’t prove what he felt in those years, but I can tell how he felt when he thought I died. He went out of his way to fold for me. There has to be something more there. Hoarfrost is messed up, sure, but I don’t believe he’s a monster.
“I forgive you,” It was like I casted a spell on him. Hoarfrost couldn’t stop trembling. “You heard me, right? I forgive you.”
“B-but just like—“
“Look,” I cut him off before he could even attempt to bring some self hatred into being. “We both fucked up. I almost guarantee I hurt others more than you think you hurt me— and don’t try to say that you sparked all that, or I’ll punch you in those perfect teeth of yours. Just forgive yourself, okay? Then we can move on.”
He didn’t try to retort, even though his eyes gave away that he wanted to. Instead he lifted off the weight on his shoulders and took a bite of the baha. Just sitting there chewing his food like a scolded colt or at least that's what I thought he looked like. The small smile said otherwise.
“Thank you.” Hoarfrost whispered, but I don’t think he thought I heard it.
“You know, in another life, I would’ve loved to live in a place just like this and tell stories to others. Watch them laugh and come together in harmony,” I giggled a little. “But that’s another life.”
“Maybe,” He looked me in the eyes once again. There was a quality in them that wasn’t there before. Passion? Determination? Words fail to express the vivid glint of life in his pupils. “But you will have something to tell.”
“What do you mean?”
“Listen, all this? The adventures of two old friends: the politician and the wanderer. It’s either a bad joke or one of those generic pulp fiction novels stalkers keep finding. Either where it’s gonna be one hell of a story.”
“You think so?”
“With the crew of misfits you’re collecting?” Hoarfrost gestured over to the construction sites. Dusk was helping guide beams up to higher levels while Sea Mist was intensely focusing on not dropping that same thing. “Yeah. One hell of a story.”
“You guys enjoying it?” Wind River trotted up to the table.
We both nodded.
“Good,” He placed a paper wrapped item onto the table. Based on the shape, it was probably a book. He slid it in front of me. “This is for you by the way.”
I raised a brow. “Another gift? Don’t you think the baha was more than enough. Hell, you didn’t even need to do that.”
He shook his head. “It’s not from me. One of the folks wanted to repay you for the story.”
“Are they still around?”
“No. They gave it to me before heading back to work.”
“Shame,” I slid the gift into my saddlebags and grinned. “You’ll have to thank them for me.”
Wind nodded as he walked back to the kitchen.
Together me and Hoarfrost exchanged a look, before eating the rest of baha and watching the builders work.
Chapter Fourteen | Friendship
Chapter Fourteen:
“He who loves the most, regrets the most. Let’s not live a fantasy.”
Five years…
Yeah, I kept track. Every day, just about. Daydreaming of snow in a land of dust. Hard to conceptualize emotions like those. Each hoofstep was a breath closer to dread, excitement, smiles, and tears. One massive contradiction in my chest that my head could do nothing about. Nothing, but pray.
Only the Infinite could save me from whatever came next, and we know how it feels about me .
“So what’s it like?” Sea Mist was bouncing between the rails in front of Dusk.
Dusk snickered. “Serenity never said anything?”
The young unicorn shook her head.
“Damn,” Dusk whispered while giving me a side-eye. “Well, it’s—“
“Beautiful,” I cut in. “The biggest of all the stations. Every wall and building splashed with color. It’s like a warm kitchen; always inviting even to those who’ve never been.”
Hoarfrost threw a hoof around my neck. “Well that’s certainly one way to put it!”
Sea Mist giggled and started trotting a little faster. She was the first to stop at the entrance to Friendship station. The stable dweller stared up at the hermetic stable door. She whipped around fast enough to almost fall over. “Wait, there’s more stables here than just 27!”
“Yeah. 27 and,” I pointed to the center of the gear. You could barely make out the symbols in it. Not wear and tear just a half-assed paint job to cover it. “83.”
“So this station is a stable?!”
“Nope. We just stole their doo—” A wing smacked me on the back of head.
Dusk was glaring at me. “Serenity!”
“What? We did.”
“But you make it sound like Friendship committed a crime for it.” She and Hoarfrost walked over to the small control next to the door and began calling the control operator on the other side.
Sea Mist gave my sleeve a small tug.
“Yeah?”
She began rubbing the top of her pipbuck. “What… happened to stable 83?”
I gave her a shrug. All I could give her were rumors from stalkers, but Blue would’ve been disappointed with that; she was already pouting.
“I’m sorry, Misty. No one has ever seen a stable dweller from 83. From what I heard, the first stalkers to explore it said it was like touring a museum. Just empty diagrams in rooms without a single speck of dust.”
“Oh…”
“Don’t worry. Most folks don’t even think the stable was used. They found all the blue suits, like yours, still boxed up in the storage room.” It seemed my added smile cheered her up, even if only a little.
The single cased light above the stable door jolted to life. It flickered and spun, signaling all to stand back as the hidden pins decompressed, hissing like vipers about to sink their fangs in. Smoothly, the door glided back over the rails, before being rolled aside. Inside, just a few meters behind sandbag emplacements on both sides of the tracks, were guards, armed and armored to the teeth. The symbol of the Order was on the breast of each one.
Dusk smiled back at me. “Welcome home.”
Then she wrapped a hoof around Sea Mist and walked in. The guards raised their heads high, because of course they would. Everyone knew the daughter of 16: Dawn Spark, leader of the Order. A pony who sacrificed limbs for lives. Arguably the greatest leader if 17…
isn’t …
counted.
…
Pins.
Pins danced from my heart outwards, till every hair was on end. Eventually, a warm wave followed. I… I couldn’t describe it. Warmth could mean anything. Sure, I could be happy, but why did I feel like I needed to vomit? Was it just build up? A warning, like a door's light? If it was a smile, then why did it feel like my heart was being pulled? Played like…
Jazz.
Conflicting. Dancing. Compromising. Changing. There was a whisper of it. Those notes punching through the air from within the station, begging to be let free from the walls that lock it in place. An emotion like that of a faded memory you can’t quite remember, but hope with all you are, with everything you have, that it will come back.
But that’s a demand, when hope is more vomit trying to punch it’s way–
I blew chunks onto the floor.
“Serenity! You okay?” A hoof rubbed my back.
I grasped Hoarfrost’s shoulder for support. “Yeah… Just burns.”
“Hey,” he gave me a few firm pats on the back. “You’re not alone here.”
Hoarfrost helped me trot past the guards. I highly doubt they’d remember me. I was never big on actually talking with anyone in the Order besides Dusk, her father, and well… you’d know by this point.
But it was hard to forget a place like Friendship Station. Even after all these years, it hadn’t changed. Chicken wire, sheet metal, mud brick buildings stacked, making the grid of life and the streets folks lived through. There wasn’t much difference to other stations, save for the sheer size of the city, or the fact that you could see the ceiling. Bright fluorescent lights; how many other places could even afford to run just a single one? Not even the Old Guard would dream of it. Sure, those stations shared similar street art here and there, or maybe even the occasional burn marks. But bullet holes? …That’s what set Friendship apart.
Countless little craters littered everywhere, in walls and floors. The people born here knew the stories of revolution and peace more than anyone else. Each hole had defined the value of a life. It wasn’t like the social contract of the world fell with the bombs and then everyone revealed their wicked hearts. No. That old world hadn’t died; It would’ve been too easy. Instead, old systems merely changed the currency to its real value: life. You trade life, with each cartridge exchanged to extend yours, or you steal it from others with each round fired.
No one paid them much mind, though. History wasn’t gonna change the future, or pay rent. It was easy to steal your mind away with work; work, and dream. Who cares if the world was ending? Their shifts start in five minutes; it could wait. They had that dream to chase. That’s why they sped up and down the streets with their chests out, a dream as sweet as the tune from a hidden guitar player. The music wasn’t like the jazz from before: It was plucked, ever so gently. A simple melody. The same one Sea Mist found in my soul at Dry Station.
It was a splash of color rippling out over primordial blackness.
But, that’s the thing I don’t get. What dream could they be chasing? The tune is everything in nothing; an idea that if we search long enough, we’ll find something… or at least we hope to. Actors begging the director for our motivation.
Was I playing my part right?
“Hey,” I didn’t even notice Dusk had switched spots with Hoarfrost. “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Just… surreal, I guess.”
“You still remember where home is, right?”
I nodded.
“Good.” Dusk smiled before continuing. “I’m gonna take Hoarfrost to the embassy, and I need to head home.”
“Wait, what about Misty?”
“Cute, you switched the name. Well you brought her to hell, so you got it!” She snickered as she happily trotted away. Sea Most walked over to me as Hoarfrost and Dusk disappeared within the sea of heads.
Misty looked up to me, “So, where next?”
“Home,” I sighed. “It’s not too far.”
I wasn’t lying about the physical distance, even if every step closer increased it. Slowly, the mixed streets turned into stripes, and just stripes, as we crossed into Zebratown. The name always made me snicker; could you imagine a place that accepts everyone, and yet they segregated themselves anyway?
How does that old pony saying go? ‘The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife’? Nah; that was undercutting it. There was enough tension here to drown in. They didn’t have to say anything; Each zebra just stared while working as we passed by. To them, we look like nothing but tourists, exploring the ‘exotic’ part of the station. Sea Mist sold it well, but this was all new to her. Not to me.
Eventually we reached the heart of the community, and there stood a little two story shop, the front covered in flowers, shadowed on either side by two large apartment buildings. A little wooden sign was nailed above door:
Aurora’s Repairs
I tried the door, but it was locked. So instead, I trotted over to one of the pots and pulled up the plant. We always kept a spare in nanay’s favorite flower: Starfrosts, big flowers that never seem to age.
All I had to do was open the door. This was home. The little repair shop…
Screw it.
I unlocked the door and pushed it open. The creak echoed through the empty room. The different radios and gem-tools glistened in the fresh ray from the doorway. Sea Mist squeezed past me and looked around, but didn’t say anything. I think she was scared to break me out of that moment. I can’t help but thank her for that.
I ran a hoof over one of the counters— not to find dust, no; mom hated a dirty workplace— feeling the bumps and scratches. All the sleep lost next to her, and dinner spent there, were dead silence. Static memories that slowly made my heart race.
“So you grew up here?”
I softly looked over to Misty relaxing. “Yeah… you wanna see the actual house?”
She nodded and guided her up a little staircase hidden in the very back of the workshop.
There were never real ‘doors’ in this household. Sure, we had a front door, but it was still a very foreign concept to my family. Every doorway was just covered with cloth, but nana, the eldest, was respected with a door, and the closest room. Family is important to zebras; more than anything else in the world. Our parents raised us, the least anyone could do is help them in their twilight years. I never really went into her room that much. There were two more, technically three, but the living room/kitchen was divided with a wall of boxes. That’s where mom and dad slept. Well, if they weren’t passed out at their jobs from pushing themselves so much. But when they were home, they laid on their old mattress looking into their children’s room…
I wonder if they still smiled at the sight.
I tried to walk past the small pictures of a graduation, birthdays, and other memories I wasn’t ready to experience again yet, but Sea Mist had stopped following me. She was just staring at the wall. At my life. It must be weird to see it like this for her. Did Misty’s spell look like this toher?
Before I could continue the thought, she pulled out a small picture from her suit’s breast pocket. It was the one of my acceptance to the Order. Sea Mist rested it on the frame of Amani’s own acceptance ceremony. She stepped back and smiled before looking over to me for, I guess, a weird sense of approval. All I could give her was a cold nod as I stepped into my room.
Now, it had been years, but I was pretty sure nothing had moved. But, that would be impossible; it was the only spotless place in the whole building. A frozen picture, just like postcards hung on the walls. Snapshots of the past Sea Mist was captured by, strung next to paintings. Little canvas of mom, dad, nana… and me. We never really had money for supplies, or even room in that tight one bedroom we shared, but that never stopped Amani. He captured reality with simplicity; just charcoal, and one or two colors. Noy captured strength in mom’s eyes; sharp yet warm. The colored history in dad’s braids— each twist for an ancestor. Then, there was me. Amani painted me with my coat in the softest colors, warmth pleading to bleed out but every outline of that was crossed, the colors tinted colder and colder until they disappeared into the canvas itself. I was the only one not looking at the observer. Instead, I was turned away, gazing into some unknown horizon, chasing an invisible sunset.
Of course, nana had a painting, too, but it was still on the makeshift easel. The lining raced into oblivion, non-connecting, but you could still make out half of her face. Unintentionally, it told you who she was. A seer just like Misty, able to gaze into the unknown and still hold onto herself, no matter the size. Nana was truly what all nurakhus strived to be… Especially dad.
I glanced down next to the easel. My guitar. Amani was a master of showing what he meant; I was better at expressing the feeling, as ironic as that is. The thought did make me wonder: Could I still do it?
“You can play an instrument?” Sea Mist asked as I picked up my heart and brought it over to the bed. There was no malice in her surprise, just… I guess the word would be bafflement . I couldn’t blame the idea; I definitely didn’t look the type.
I set the guitar on the bed and nodded. “Not a lot to do when you’re cooped up in a big tube. I think you know what I mean.”
She snickered and nodded. “Yeah. I think I’d know a thing or two about that. So, does that mean— nevermind, you know why you want to play, and that’s enough for me.”
That comment warmed my soul.
I unstrapped my plate carrier and dropped it into the ground with a deep, satisfying thud. It’s pretty hard to play guitar with the vest; I’ve only tried it once and sadly my hooves just aren’t long enough to reach some of the frets.
Free from my weight on my chest, I plopped into the bed and pulled the guitar into my chest. I slid a hoof up the neck, strings rattling happily until I reached the end. With a single strummed, the chord filled the air. Out of tune of course. I was the only musician in the family. One quick tune and it was beautiful. So beautiful that I didn’t need to think about what I wanted to play.
I took a deep breath. Close my eyes. Then matched my heart beat with the melody of the city. The song that’s played everywhere so much that you’d think it was an anomaly. I slowly plucked the notes. It was somber, yet so powerful. That splash of color heard earlier in the streets was the dream given form; one that made my hair stand on end. A hope that refreshes the soul with every note… or at least, that's what we believe. Just a simple melody I hummed with: the sound of the Infinite.
I let the last note ring out before opening my eyes. Sea Mist’s eyes were wide. Not at my playing but at the zebra mare standing in the doorway. Soft amber eyes that brought tears from both of us. I put the guitar to the side.
“Hey, nana.” It was impossible holding myself together.
She wiped her tears away with her worn magenta scarf and smiled. “My starlight.”
I walked over and embraced her. Tears exploded out as I fell apart in her hooves. I told her everything.
======= ☢ =======
“So you’re from a stable… hmmm,” Nana turned to me and snickered. “She’s too skinny.”
“Nana!”
“What? It’s true, true.”
Sea Mist and her both giggled at that. Great to know that they’re basically the same person. Spirits kill me.
She opened the door to her room. It was simple and forward, but then again, everything about her was. The area only had a mattress on a rug; That was it.
She quickly beckoned us in. “Come on, come on. Let’s have tea, and we can talk more about the dreams you’ve been having.”
We sat on her rug as Nana plopped off her saddlebags and pulled out a thermos with a few small cups. Gifting each one of us tea from the container, she sat down herself to breathe in the drink before smiling. “Tell me what's on your mind.”
“Well,” I took a small sip and Sea Mist did the same. It was those little moments that reminded me just how strong traditional zebra tea was. The second the liquid tickled Misty’s tongue, she spat it out and grimaced as I enjoyed mine. “It's all gunfire drowning out the world. A world where I’m dragged into an endless swamp’s mud until I’m choking for air. At least, that’s the most common one.”
“There’s others?”
I nodded. “Mostly just twisted memories with… strange feelings.”
Nana took a sip of her tea, gesturing to me to continue.
“Folks’ eye color changes. Every time, they turn to pale jade before addressing me directly .” I finished.
That made Nana pause. She slowly put down her cup to furrow her brow at me. “Green?”
I nodded.
“That’s very specific.”
“So…?”
“Don’t be impatient; You’ve basically asked me to read the stars during the day. So cut your Nana a little bit of slack, okay, my starlight?”
“Sorry. I just… it’s been a hell of— what? Two weeks, give or take.”
“Nuh uh,” She chuckled. “You pretend all of this is a recent occurrence… And before you give me something snappy, just know that you know what I’m talking about.”
Sea Mist tried to hide in her collar as the tone switched. She looked to me for something; whether empathy for me, or herself, was hard to say.
Nana finished her tea and flipped the cup upside down. “I never wanted you to become a nurakhu. It is not a role I wish for anyone to bear. A curse; that’s all it is. To hear the cries of others, and know you are just as powerless to change fate as they are.”
“But what about noy? He changed things.”
“Amani…” Something in her eyes died as she bowed her head away from me. “He— wait. Serenity, who did you see? Which spirit greeted you first?”
I bite my tongue before immediately answering. Nana was praying, I could tell by just her eyes. I could only hope I wouldn’t make her cry as the words left my lips. “Retribution.”
“No…” She let out a small gasp before practically jumping into her next question. “Did you take his deal?”
I shook my head.
Nana exhaled in relief. “Good, good. A deal with kismet is death. Not physical, per se, but death of your willpower. You will become nothing but a puppet on a stage.”
“Then what do I do? I came here chasing a dream!”
Sea Mist frowned. “Hey! Don’t yell at your—“
“It’s fine,” Nana cut her off. “It’s good even. It shows he cares; why else would he be angry?”
“What ?! I don’t need riddles…” I buried my face into my hooves.
A hoof wrapped around me, then a body embraced me tightly. That warmth didn’t truly help me; It just fed more and more into the ever growing tornado in my chest.
“What did you hope I would say? Hope I would do?”
Nana’s words cut through the winds in my gut.
“What?” Words failed to express my confusion.
She smiled as I looked up at her. “What were you expecting?”
“I—“ I don’t know how, but she broke me. For once, my thoughts were quiet. It had to be some ancient magic. A trick. I couldn’t do it myself. How could a simple question be so strong? “I guess I was looking for peace.”
“Starlight… you can’t wake up, if you never fall asleep. You can’t live, if all you do is run away from your problems.”
“But I don’t. I face them head on.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t. You fight because you're afraid to cry. It’s why you came here, isn’t it? You want a solution to not feel bad. Everyone shares that same desire, but that’s just not how life works. All you can do is send your spark out into the darkness of reality and hope for something better; Moments you share with the ones closest to you. You can’t lie about your emotions. Shortcuts and deals, they’re nothing but half-measures.”
I looked over to Misty who wrapped herself around my side. Without the walls, her warmth finally touched me. Everything tingled. My body felt like… mine . Not a foreign suit of flesh. Just me.
… was this love? The touching embrace of what is destined to decay? That no matter how scared or disfigured I got, ponies like Sea Mist would stay? Would Amani have stayed if I was this ? My head hurt as the synapses burned. I just— I couldn’t understand…
A pair of hooves began running through my hair before beginning to braid it. “The mind is a place itself that can make a hell of heaven, or a heaven of hell.”
I didn’t even notice Nana move, I am losing it.
“My little starlight,” She continued. “You have all the time in the world to think about this, but your parents will be home soon, so you better wash yourself. That’s all you need to do right now, okay?”
I nodded.
“Good. I’ll keep your friend company,” Nana quickly pulled me close before I could get up. “And remember: you have this one life. Choose well.”
======= ☢ =======
I really tried to scrub the bags out from under my eyes, but it didn’t matter. They weren’t coming out. Tatay was gonna be pissed.
Pissed…
I looked into the tiny room's makeshift mirror, a large shard from a bigger one that had been tied to the wall above the bucket of water that made up the sink. All it gave me was a sad, tired pony. No happiness for home, close to loved ones, just existence as a reflection of scars on a cheek.
Spirits, what a bitch.
They didn’t deserve it. Five years just to see the ‘old Serenity ’. The guilt-ridden, self-destructive punching bag… Sea Mist doesn’t want it. Hoarfrost and Dusk dread it. And I don’t want to disappoint, because I hate that guy looking back at me.
You have this one life. Choose well.
The words filled my head, subduing all the negativity that had been swarming as I smiled at the reflection I saw now: a pony, a little beaten up, but home. Maybe there was even a bit of starlight in his eyes.
I tried one more time to wash the bags out but alas, I guess would just stay with me. But that’s okay; I’ll work on it.
I blew out the candle in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen. The sounds of laughter were present even from the other side of the home. I know it’s small, but still. My family wasn’t known for being too loud… except maybe my tatay: my father.
He’s what I imagined the sun to feel like. Books described it as warm, welcoming, gentle yet powerful. How was that not tatay? Everyone on the couch was laughing, and of course, he was the cause. A doctor, giving the best medicine. Sometimes the puns just write themselves.
Then there was my mother. Some would describe her as simple, or down to earth… something more kind than how I would. Nanay was dirty. Always dirty. Even if she washed herself down with a hose, she’d still be covered in oil or grease somewhere on her face or coat. She did try to tie her hair up high to protect it from the stains that covered her body, but I don’t need to tell you that was a fruitless plan. One of the few ideas that were ever wrong from nanay.
Sea Mist was the first to notice me, smiling and waving enough for everyone else to look over to me. To lock their growing misty eyes with mine. Tatay fumbled out of seat, almost smashing his face into the floor, just to race over to embrace me. He didn’t hide anything; instead, he let all the emotions flow out. Nanay was more calm as she walked over, still tearing up more and more as she got closer.
It’s moments like those that I always come back to. The ones that fill me with so much warmth that I’m melting into anxiety. How long until this is… gone ? I wish my brain didn’t think like that, but that’s just a dream, and those thoughts… as nana would say, ‘they’re just thoughts. What’s wrong with that?’
I pulled them both in as my thoughts tried to grow more dreadful, but damn… for a moment, I didn’t give a shit about ‘em. Maybe it wasn’t a solution that drove them away…
But it was a start.
======= ☢ =======
I told them everything over some fish stew. About the wasteland just outside the storm, Blue’s story, the hello from their friend from Dry Station, Hoarfrost, and even my dreams– that was the part tatay was most interested in, but he was also a nurakhu, so could you blame him? I only didn’t tell them about Silver Tongue. They didn’t need to worry because, knowing nanay, she’d do something brash, yet so stupid, and intelligent.
Tatay brought his bowl up to lips to finish before sighing, “So, it’s not much better out there?”
I nodded.
“Of course everything needs to be fixed.” Nanay added.
“I wouldn’t say fixed,” I took a beat to make sure both of them were listening. “The last person to say that built a slave empire to try and fix the world. It’s a complex issue over there.”
“Well, deconstruct it.”
“Where do you even start with simplifying the issues of having a slave empire…”
She frowned. “Stop being silly. You know what I meant.”
“Mom,” I bit my tongue a little as she gave me a look that screamed: try me . “Life out there is honestly not that much different from being a stalker, but at least here stalkers have a home to return to. The Wasteland is a warzone, where people could care less what happens to others, unless they can help them. Even then, all lives feel forfeit at the whims of whoever can draw faster… call it a land of cowboys, honestly. Where every town is molded into the world the ‘hero ’ wants, even if it means they must die. It’s sickening that anyone out there could self-mythologize, because don’t you think the world would’ve been saved already if we had that many heroes?”
She sighed before giving a smile. “Always so keen. You get that from me, not that guy.”
I looked over for dad’s response, but he just playfully shrugged.
“That’s fair,” I gigged a little before glancing back at mom. “Nay, you really don’t think I’m crazy for seeing the world like this?”
“Why would I? What good would treating you like that do?”
I couldn’t help but bite my tongue at the thought. “I don’t know. I guess I was just expecting more resistance to it…”
“What a stubborn bastard,” Tay shook his head. “You’re home. What more could we want?”
I shook my head. “You wouldn’t like the first thought that came to mind.”
“You know what? How about you get some rest? It’ll help, trust me,” He winked. “I am a doctor.”
Nay punched him in the shoulder as she giggled along with everyone else on the couch. I knew he was right, deep down, but I needed some time to get the rest of myself to accept that.
With a little wave to Sea Mist, I slipped into my room and pulled the cloth down to cover the doorway before stripping off my gear and plopping onto the bed. I reached down to grab my journal, just feeling around my saddlebags until I found it. A few items fell out, but I found it eventually. I took a moment to reread what I last wrote before jotting down the events of the day, letting myself get lost in my words.
*thud*
I looked down to the floor. My bags fell over, and my shit had fallen out. You never really get a break. I jumped out of bed and began cleaning up, organizing every item back into my bags until one caught my eye. The gift from Doemetheus Station was still neatly wrapped in its paper. There was really no better time to open it but then. I tore away the wrapping to find a book inside…
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called to me. I sat back down on my bed and opened it. Just as a note, though, I was wrong to call it a book. It was actually a play:
In the city of Carcosa, along the shore the cloud waves break. The shadows lengthen to let the past dance in light of black stars in the sky, painting a path for a stranger to walk. Their coat flapping the tatters of the King.
View Online
Chapter Fifteen | The Mirage of a Moral World
Chapter Fifteen:
“Heroes tend to think about their actions more than the consequences.”
The wind whistled past my ears as I flew back. I slammed my hooves into the floor grabbing the edge of a loose tile, stopping my flight. A stick rolled into view just under me.
“Come on, anák! You didn’t forget everything did you?” Mom bellowed.
I snickered before picking up the stick in my teeth and bolting at her. Zebras walking by watched as I slid on my side past nay, slamming the stick into the ground to twist my legs in for the sweep. She smirked and backflipped, dodging my attack, before landing and spinning on her forehooves to face me. I got up and readied myself as nay got back down. Once again, she smiled, before putting her whole body behind the swing of her stick. I ducked right into her rear hoof as it was coming around, sending me flying back again.
But this time, I wasn’t given any breathing room. Nay pushed the ground she gained, throwing punches mixed in with swipes from the stick, and kicks with her knees to cover her bigger spins. I did everything I could to stop most of it, throwing up hooves to deflect the blows, or just outright dodge them. That didn’t work so well.
When the traditional fighting style of Rockfall’s relentless flurry is mixed with Swiping Talon’s weapon art, the user is practically untouchable. No opening will show, no matter how much you wait. That’s why the first thing I was taught with both…
Her hindleg slammed against my side, making me recoil a tiny bit. Still, I wrapped my hooves tightly around it.
…Was to make my own openings. Realize that you will get hit, and all you can do is match, then suppress your opponent’s aggression.
I pulled the leg back before slamming my weight forward on it. Nay dropped her stick and crumpled like a trash bag. I went cheek to cheek with her face and leveled my stick at her neck.
“Good job, sweetie,” Nay turned and kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t help but blush. “Next time I’ll go all out.”
She just pushed me off. As in, she just stood up like I was weightless.
I followed her back inside the house to wash my face in the upstairs bathroom. While my fur was still drying she shouted from somewhere: “You didn’t forget about Hoarfrost’s meeting today, right?”
“No! That was next thing on the list.”
“Good, good! I always did like that boy.”
I sighed. “You’ve told me repeatedly this morning…”
“Doesn’t make it any less true!” Nay giggled.
She stopped by the door and leaned on it. Mom did nothing at all but just stood there and smiled at me. Her eyes softened more and more every second that passed.
“Something on my face?” I cracked an anxious grin.
Nay shook her head. “Just making sure you don’t disappear.”
My heart melted.
“You wouldn’t, right?”
There was nowhere else to go. I don’t know how she couldn’t understand it. Nay was too smart for that… but I guess I have left for less before. Though this time I knew where I wanted to be.
I simply nodded.
She giggled. “Good because you know your tay isn’t a fan of single day visits unless it’s a patient.”
Nay let me pass as I grabbed my stuff from my room, stepping out when it was all on. I glanced down at my saddlebags, rifle, and journal, all lazily thrown on top of my bed. I didn’t plan on going anywhere, so I decided to leave them there. I turned to her before she escaped downstairs back into her workshop. “Blu– I mean… Misty is already there, right?”
“Yeah,” Nay continued down the steps. “Dusk took her this morning while you were still asleep, so I’d hope they’d be there by now.”
That was good to know.
I waved to nay then stepped out onto the street and headed towards the heart of Friendship Station. It didn’t take too long to reach. You could feel the pulse of the whole city from there; almost the whole metro, even. The shops were normal, but the mixture of street performers, cafes, libraries, and even a cinema was definitely not. This station was known for its art in surgical removal of the surface and transplantation down here. That’s why it was the most successful society after The Beginning; when the world was engulfed in balefire and tempers rose in the tunnels, Friendship Station just continued like it always had. At least, that's what we were taught.
A hoof wrapped around my back. “Why do you always seem so deep in thought? Doesn’t that get exhausting after a while?”
I turned to Hoarfrost’s beaming smile before hugging him.
“Hey. It’s my trauma, and I get to choose the coping mechanism.” I retorted smugly.
He pulled back from the embrace and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”
“So where’s Dusk and Sea Mist?”
“Oh, they’re not comin–”
“Chairpone Hoarfrost,” A voice cut in. We turned to a sharply dressed ginger mare, flanked by two guards. I swear she was the same one that had visited Silver Tongue back at Sunlight Station; it’s hard to forget a snake when they wear their Party pin so proudly. Her face twisted into a smile like an old theater mask. “I’m glad to see you made it! We heard about the threat on your life, and I’ll let you know that the Party is overwhelmed that you’re okay.”
“Thank you, Stella Rosé. I’d have it no other way.” He smiled back with own mask.
The way her eye twitched told me this clearly pissed Rosé off. “You’ll be grateful to know that we executed them swiftly, as soon as they were found.”
What a bitch. It’s hard to imagine what it’d take for a pony to send cowboys after you only to tell later that they covered it up, directly to your face. All without missing a beat too. I would call it impressive, but that would be a massive understatement. It was closer to the level of trying to kick a Demon in the balls. A fitting comparison too, considering who was being told.
“Well, again, extend my thanks to the rest of the Party,” Hoarfrost turned to me. “I guess see you late– you are going to the meeting right?”
“Of course. I’d hate to miss seeing you act on stage!” I chuckled.
He couldn’t help but let out a big smile. “I’ll see you there. Payment after, of course. That should be when everything is ready.”
I nodded and headed deeper into the heart of Friendship until Hoarfrost’s figure disappeared in the crowd. It felt like everyone was there for this event. Unless I missed something major, the Old Guard never called for meetings. That was always someone else.
Now, I want you to imagine a building so far removed from the hallowed streets of the concrete tombs in the city above. An afterimage of progress, closer to the vision that our founders, before the Infinite and Infernal melted together in an oven of balefire, saw. One that the Old Guard pulled one way from, and the Stripes the other. The Hekalu, as my family learned to call it, was the symbol of peace to the rats left from the Infinite in these darkened tunnels; the last vestiges of a time where we walked hoof in hoof. A time these water soaked wooden beams and ever-drying paint of the Hekalu’s walls, may one day see again.
Armed soldiers and even stalkers, regardless of creed, were positioned everywhere leading up to the door.
Observing.
Planning.
Every important leader from Oasis to the Community was inside, each with their own little box and flag. Folks I didn’t give a shit about. Folks who could care less about us. Well… except for one.
Chairpone Hoarfrost.
Walking into the peanut gallery, you could immediately tell who was different among the smug and slick pompous pricks facing us. He stood— no, towered— over all of them. Sure, his clothes cost just as many cartridges as the others, but they presented a different quality; a more real one. His suit coat had little loose threads sticking out of every seam. The sleeves underneath tucked away briefly crawling out as he moved, revealing stains. Not of ink, but of paint, and oil. Behind the weathered grin of that devil was truly a stallion who had seen more and done more for the people, helping them personally when the powers that be failed.
Hoarfrost smiled as he watched me sit down, before he was whisked away to his own seat behind a centered podium.
“If everyone could be seated, we’ll be continuing with the Old Guard’s Chairman, Hoarfrost’s, proposal.” Some random suit addressed us, and only when they felt like all sights were locked on them did they wave over to the stallion himself. The chairpone took the suit’s place on the podium.
“We live in a liminal space. As time marches forwards, we’re forever stuck between what has been, and what could be: the tomorrow of dreams… Not our dreams of course, we never got to choose. Instead, forced to just carry a hollow corpse of something no one knows...” He paused to take a long breath surveying the folks around. Then Hoarfrost picked up the script hidden just out of sight on the podium and tore it in two. You almost hear the pieces hit the ground.
“You probably have an idea of what a ‘bad guy’ is from… pfft, let’s be honest, it’s all we talk about: the evil laugh, drive for power. A devil in a suit and tie. ” The crowd snickered as he gestured to himself. “Hell, maybe a few of you think I’m evil, but all this is just a costume I woke up and put on. I’m sorry to tell you this, but this persona… is shit I’ve just made up. That’s all most of us are doing: making shit up, and seeing what fools buy. This ‘higher understanding’ we claim to have about the dichotomy of good and evil is bullshit.”
He laughed at a few people’s gasps. “It’s all just one big stage play that everyone is trying to guess the ending of, based on a hoofful of doctored lines. God, I don’t envy the poor soul forced to launch the bombs because their leaders felt that ‘Sir Belinski was going to betray us in a big twist in act two!’ That’s so stupid and, frankly, terrible writing… But it’s the bad guys they wanted. The ones that make heroes .”
“That’s why we throw ourselves to the flame. The actual reason for the war doesn’t matter. It’s disappointing, but you don’t get to see that bullet bureaucrats kept screaming about. What you’re left with is the BANG… and then… nothing.” Hoarfrost turned to the other leaders. ”And we get to continue that! Aren’t we the lucky ones?”
“Stop filibustering! What’s your point?” His vice chairpone hollered.
Hoarfrost’s toothy retort warmed my soul. “Nice to know some of us still play our roles to perfection.”
“So, what’s my deal? What the hell am I talking about? I believe we come into this world with eyes closed, hoping for a golden script to tell us what to think, what to feel, what to do; that the stage left door is locked and there’s no point to try it. That we think we can’t handle making choices because of the slippery slopes of ‘what if,’” He removed the Party’s little balloon pin from his collar and sighed. “Choices… But what do I know about choices?”
A wave of confusion washed over me. He’s a politician. Like, the one of the major directors of this little circus of a literal, underground play. That devil is the only one with—
“I make them all the time for others,” The chairpone rammed through my train of thought. “But it’s weird to feel that I’ve never made a real decision . All I know about politics, I learned from the same school every other politician of the Old Guard went to. You know, the place with working drinking fountains, while the poor are outside the gate shriveling up like dry mangoes.”
Hoarfrost playfully waved away his own statement as more gasps raddled off from the crowd and politicians began to growl. “Sorry, sorry! How could I forget one of the most important lessons: Lie. The people can’t handle the truth! How selfish it is of me to burden them with extra anxieties. Instead, I should inform them how horrible my opponent is. You know: the one that went to the same school as me. No need to decipher that one. Just accept it, and know that most of these ‘fighters of the people ’ could give less of a shit about you. You are a number. A vote in a system, built on glass superheated from a dead society that nuked themselves. Yeah… Let that one sink in. The playwrights were idiots without an editor. No one was a bad guy there. They just wanted to be seen as ‘heroes ’. And maybe wanting something doesn’t make you evil, but you don’t get to create danger then protect others from that danger.”
My friend looked directly at me, his blurry pupils slowly growing into plates. “Though, standing by— no, no… not freezing up, that’s different— standing by, watching, while you have the tools to help, makes you… evil. I could’ve changed things, but I’m… not a good guy.”
“I…”
He tightened his brow and looked, just looked at the rest of the crowd. To the various different races, all darkened by soil and ash, stared back in the soft yellow glow of the station’s lights. My heart had been grabbed, slowly being twisted to tighten my veins. It was those looks from the other leaders towards Hoarfrost. It wasn’t the ones that pitied, it was one that scowled. No one could believe that The Devil of Sunlight Station was, for once, at a loss for words. Whispering and conversations slowly built into a roar that echoed off the walls into a cacophony of chaos.
“Guys…”
No one even noticed him trying to inject.
S L A M
The Hekalu was quiet again, all eyes locked with the Devil’s. “No one tells you that you need to sacrifice friends for power. Damn it! He was all I had, and I blew it. I could say the script told me to, but I’ve lied to you. This is an improv play. The choices are wholly your own. My own. That same friend I lost, oh, he came back. Came back and saw right through my costume, and you know what I had the fucking balls to say? ‘If I die, do you think they would care about me, as much as I want to care about them?’ I-I just can’t believe it took a single question to shatter my scene: ‘Are you really selfless if you ask a question like that?’ What an asshole…”
Hoarfrost failed to stop shaking, tears walloping at his eyelids. “God, I hate that he’s right. If I wanted to save the world, be that hero , I would’ve made the choice a long time ago. It’s scary to know that. I’m the bad guy. It was my choice… And that’s why I’m here. People like me have prolonged a conflict that should’ve died with the world above. Sadly, we’re bad at knocking old habits. Old Guard, Stripes, Community… Shouldn’t matter. We’re all we have. For once, we need to show that. And to those of you who sit with me that think, even for moment, that this is some play for moral high ground… just shut the fuck up and think about how you’re going rig your next election or something. I’m done with that life. This isn’t about some fictional line between good and evil created by actors on a stage. This is life. We let them choose… without war breathing down their necks.”
The crowd erupted into applause, but Hoarfrost didn’t even wait for them to stop before talking over. “Regardless of whatever choice is made here today, I’ll be out there. In these tunnels, helping my people with my own hooves. ” I swear he turned directly at me. “Maybe I’ve wasted time before, but I can still help now. Others may admire that—that ability to help— for the tools, skill, and maybe even money, but that’s nothing. You don’t need that. You just need nothing but desire in your own two hooves or I guess in my case, it’s my own two hooves. My own bruised fists.”
“That’s one thing I learned from my dad: how to take a beating. Something passed down from generation to generation. It was a weird pain we shared. We didn’t know how to stop getting hit, but, shit, were we good at getting up. As much as I hated him, I could at least understand him through that,” The politicians behind him began to rip out their hair, unsure if the crowd would prevent them from stopping him. I think it was way too late for that. “Does that make him a bad guy, or just sad? Maybe it was right of him to beat me. It gave me the chance to change from being just another crooked actor. I hope. Weird … Just thinking out loud here, by the way. Honestly, I expected someone to stop me by now but it seems no one has the balls to! So I guess I’ll keep talking.”
His vice chairpone calmly got up from the Old Guard box before storming off, little dark clouds thundering with each stomp.
“Wow. Years of assassinations attempts and a few words hurt her? Cute. ” Hoarfrost was beaming. “I know, I know. That’s pretty dark, but like I said, ‘I don’t give a shit.’ They can’t stop me if I tell everybody. Isn’t that the beauty of connection: finding serenity with others’ pain? Pain so close to your own; it’s stuff stories are written and told about. Pain. Pain. Pain. Do you ever think those authors get tired of it? No– probably – they’re too focused on giving their character’s the endings they could never have themselves. Life doesn’t exactly go as planned … well, not for people like us . Always the wrong time, wrong place. Could we all be bad people? Evil, for fighting to live past our expiration date? Did we make life too long in a need to conquer nature? Each other? You know what these thoughts remind me of? Dirty Whinny . You know that one story about a lone gunman going out to fix the world? Hmm? Oh sorry, did I just give you the description of millions of different stories? My bad. No, really I genuinely forgot how many tales exist about a single person ‘fixing ’ the world. ‘Civilizing the savage natives’… or, you know, just killing off the ones that resist. Gunning down the bandits, fuck their possible problems created by the system they live in, to save the town. Shit does Dirty Whinny have that in spades, but they’ll never make it about them. It’s always for something higher… Justice! Freedom! The Greater Good! Oh the good old days before everyone was trying to shove their beli– oh wait.” He let out a devilish smile.
“But I should probably just stick to my job… yeah . So, how do we tell who’s a bad guy when stories about the same tainted beliefs spread like malaria?” He simply shrugged. “We really worship the bleak. That’s it. No costumes, stage, or anything. Just our obsession with dysfunction. Dysfunction … we couldn’t have picked a slower way to destroy ourselves. 40,000 rats hoping that someone else will come along and help. All we have is each other, so it’s time to stop waiting for the cowboy to come save the day.”
Hoarfrost snickered to the other bureaucrats. “Or we can keep waiting. Whichever one you guys prefer.”
The crowd was hanging on an invisible precipice waiting for something else; something more that just wasn’t there. Carefully watching every step he took back to his seat. The last gift he gave them was a wider smile.
Damn Hoarfrost, you might actually get me to like politics.
As much as I and the others in the crowd were shocked with joy, some of the politicians weren’t quite as thrilled. They murmured and swore between themselves. Their expressions gave away their disdain for the current situation.
“What kind of ploy is this?!” One of the griffons spoke up. “You may be better than your priors but what would make you think we’d believe any of the bullshit you just slung?”
His shrug caused the Hekalu to explode into a cacophony of screams as leaders bursted out of their seats to condemn or state their support of Hoarfrost. Now it was clear he was no longer making deals for the Old Guard. I had a feeling everyone in that room knew they were dealing with him directly. Hoarfrost didn’t need the title of “Chairpone” to make folk listen anymore. He was the mover and shaker. The Devil of Stalliongrad making deals for a forgotten paradise he wanted back; one that never existed, but one folks liked to imagine had.
I leaned back and enjoyed the show, tapping my hooves under my seat playfully until something slimy squashed against my underhoof. It was like a crusty piece of old blackened gum somepony, mostly a foal who was dragged here, probably slapped under the seat in pure boredom. I tried my best to scrape it off but some was sticking to my fur.
“Ewww.”
That hoof would need to be cleaned off. I sighed and took a glance over to Hoarfrost— who was having the time of his life up there laughing his ass off— before getting up and squeezing through the audience to leave.
Outside there was a nearby water pump. The station was built around some of Stalliongrad’s most essential utilities: water being the big one. I pumped out the stream and started scrubbing. After I thought I got it all off, I shook off the hoof to dry only to spot a little food stand roll up. The zebra was probably getting ready for the wave of hungry souls after the meeting. Maybe leaving the building was a blessing in disguise.
“What can I do ya for?” The fisherzeeb asked.
I pulled out a magazine from my vest ready to pop out some bullets. “Do you have walleye?”
She smiled. “Of course that’s—“
Before her sentence finished, we were slammed across the station floor. Her stand smashed as it rolled into one of the old rail pits along with other debris. I rushed over to the mare, who seemed to be fine but shaken. Then I looked over to see what happened.
…The Hekalu was…
Gone .
Only bits and pieces of its foundation remained like a shot can. Those parts’, now lit ablaze, embers jumped around freely in the air till they were close enough to singe the tips of my coat. I stared down at my hoof, the one I just washed, and licked it. It tasted salty. Just like Black L—
“Hoarfrost .”
The thought escaped my lips like a knife freshly punched into my chest; propelled me into a full gallop toward the growing inferno. I pushed every step till I was falling over my hooves, a choice that forced me to slide through what remained of the doorway of the building, bouncing off it into the room.
There were bodies, parts, and then… there were shadows. Folks were scorched into the floor, and among those ghosts… was Hoarfrost. I could tell. From the length of images, I could tell the biggest blast came from the stage. More specifically, from his chair. Any last chance of hope died with that smile on Hoarfrost’s shadow.
My heart froze with my breath. Not even the growing flames around me could stop it. Ash kissed my cheeks as the whole world faded. The sound of folks running away and crackling embers were replaced with growls. Claws scratching metal mixed in with muffled gunfire and screaming. The shadows twisted into that hermetic door again. It did it to laugh at me. To prove I didn’t deserve love, just the aftertaste of bitter soot. To prove…
…I didn’t deserve to say goodbye.
The shadows forced me to my knees, ripping off the mask I had been building. This wasn’t theater, so who was I tricking but myself? If I had changed, then why is he gone, and not me? What fucking hero I promised be.
I’m sorry, Hoarfrost. I’m sorry.
The sound of metal rattled the air; an echo that brought me back to hell, but still, all that remained was self-loathing. I was so fucking selfish.
He was gone, and all I could think about was me. I couldn’t… I touched my face— smearing it a sickly black— there wasn’t even a tear. What the fuck was wrong with me?
The sound of spurs is all that would answer; they peeled my eyes away just in time to lock with his, though I didn't see them behind the dead amber of his visor. His armor glistened against the flames, hazily reflecting the devastation, the casualties unrecognizable; just another part of a wasted land.
He ran through what remained of a service door behind the corpse of what used to be a wall, and I gave chase. The debris cut through my hooves as they stamped down hard, the flames licked me as I raced through. The service door flew off of its hinges as I threw the weight of my body into tearing it wide open. Everything hurt; I didn't care. I just couldn’t understand– I needed answers, and Gage better have had them.
It was a claustrophobic area with a single wet catwalk and a little metal ladder descending into the rushing waves below. Runoff of some kind created a waterfall; one that rattled the grates as it went underneath. At the end of the room, Gage was approaching the only other door.
I tried to speak, but nothing more wispy gasps left my lips. He stole Hoarfrost: my voice. Thoughts turned to whimpers. Whimpers that built up inside my chest, burrowing in each muscle as they fell into the pit of my throat. A primal scream escaped as I charged at Gage. He whipped around and readied his talons, but quickly his muscles relaxed. I couldn’t read his eyes behind that visor. All that I could see was me.
“Wildcard?—“
I put my hoof through his beak, the hot tissue underneath my sole screaming but I didn’t care. His head flicked back as he caught my follow up punch.
“Wildcard! What the fuck! It’s me!” Gage shoved me then took off his helmet, confirming my greatest current fear.
I finally found a new voice through all the shaking. “I-I know…”
Gage gazed at me like a broken toy. He was confused with a hint of fear behind his eyes. “You didn’t get hurt, did ya? I made sure you left before anything happened.” He replied in a low, husked tone.
My breathing grew shallow. I grabbed my chest as the walls began pressing in all around.
“Wildcard!” I could barely hear Gage call as I stumbled back onto the catwalk. He looked longingly at the door behind him before turning back to me. Gage carefully walked over to me, extending out a claw. He said something but couldn’t hear it past the heartbeat in my ears. He reached his wing in some vain fucking attempt consul me.
“You gotta talk to me. Come on, we know each other.”
As his first feather tip touched me, I sprung up at him to shove him away. “No!”
I grabbed my vest, pulling it forward in an attempt for more air. It was choking me. I couldn’t breathe. The straps slowly pressed into my side, forcing the air out of my lungs. Every breath was fought for in vain.
“Wildcard!” He grabbed me this time. My body reacted. I threw my hooves into him, grabbing for whatever I could. There was a hoofhold under his suit’s collar. It was impossible for me to lift him but I didn’t care. I tried to. I tried to, even though all I was doing was causing him to stumble backwards.
“He was mine… you took him away.”
“Wildcard, I’m—“
“That’s not my name!” I interrupted him with a strong push. He screamed as we were both suddenly in the air, water kicked out from under us.
…
I didn’t mean to…
“...Gage?”
There was no response. I didn’t want to move. My soul begged to disappear right there but my reflection in the water refused it. His eyes were the color of an old television tuned to a dead channel. A color that chained one to reality. A noise that froze time. One where I was bleeding. Crimson slowly trickled down from my hairline like longer sickly talons till it wrapped around both my eyes. The endless leak that I hurried to stop… but I wasn’t bleeding. No part of me was caked in blood. If that wasn’t me, then maybe–
“Gage…?”
I finally looked up and shuddered at reality. Gage wasn’t there anymore. What was left of him stared at the endless concrete sky to watch his spirit slip away. I crawled over to his body slowly as if not to wake him.
I didn’t say anything but instead just looked at my friend. Getting to watch his feathers begin to soak with my tears… this was a trick . Gage, taken out by a fall? Are you fucking joking? I’ve watched him snap necks and be stabbed countless times. He’s immortal . The cowboy everyone fears when they hear the rattle of his spurs…
“G-Gage, get the fuck up,” My voice punched out as I struggled to get on my hooves. When he didn’t respond, I grabbed his armor collar and shook as I attempted to lift him: his face rolling to the side. “It’s not funny. Get the fuck up.”
Again, the dead refuse to speak. That was the moment where I didn't know if what was building inside was anger or sorrow. I couldn’t tell which one was winning the war inside, but if the reflection in the water was true… then the only loser was me…
“GET THE FUCK UP! ”
*creeeeaaak*
The door that Gage was gonna go through was pushed open and Honey walked out. I looked over to her… I could only imagine, in her eyes, I looked like a caged animal. Her face twitched at the sight twisting into hate then in blur, she drew her revolver.
The first round hit my shoulder.
The second ripped through my side.
The third, fourth, and fifth broke something inside as they slammed into my chest.
The last kicked me over the catwalk’s rail and into the rushing waves below to unify with my bloody reflection. I begged to be choked by air as darkness at the edges ate away at my vision. It was hard to tell but I think Honey was holding Gage close trying to breathe life back into him.
My body convulsed and bubbles of air escaped my lungs. Life was always stealing from me. Gage… Hoarfrost… Amani… A thought crossed my mind as the world disappeared. The only thing that could help me understand what happened:
Maybe I’m in Hell.
Prologue:
“Truth doesn’t exist in itself, it lies in its method.” ~ Andry Tarkovsky
The sound of grinding metal, gunfire and howls were everywhere. Screams muffled, unintelligible, yet still pleading for attention. It was like fireworks that never finished. Always another bang. Another pop. Ringing that drowned out the world, an endless swamp below the blue of an unfamiliar– almost alien– sky. The last thing I would see as hooves dragged me into the mud. It didn’t matter how much I struggled, I only sank more. Until my vision went… until my back broke… until my so–
======= ☢ =======
“Wait! ”
The words choked me before my eyes shot open. My coat was drenched in sweat and tears I quickly wiped away. Luckily, I didn’t wake the others in the room. Honey Tea was snuggled deep into Gage’s massive feathery chest, trying her best not to stab him with her horn. Blitz, the little purple pegasus, was still snoring as loud as ever wrapped around a nearby stool’s legs. But no sign of Silver, he must have been keeping watch.
I rolled off the table to grab my rifle that was leaning against Gage’s power armor in the pile of our stuff. The way the bland crimson light slipped through the boarded windows and cracks made it impossible to tell if it was dawn or twilight. I creeped out of the room, hoping it was dawn.
Honestly, the house was pretty shitty. Even with the radiation saturation, peeling, and water damage, whoever chose the beige wallpaper did more harm to the home than the decay. Every room, door missing or broken, had this same bland color as I passed each one through the hallway to climb the stairs to the roof. Well… the new roof, since the actual one was gone and only the second floor remained. I rested my rifle on a nearby pile of bricks and sat down to watch the morning rays punch out from behind the horizon to lightly silhouette the Canterlot mountain, the other buildings– just as forgotten as this one–, and the nearby mining shaft. Then the clouds tightened their grip above, preventing the Infinite from warmly embracing the hearth of the Earth. You could almost forget the wasteland from there. So, I tried to. I tried to close my eyes and forget.
With one deep breath in…
“I’m sorry to annoy you, but I can’t sleep. How many times have you heard that before? Well… umm… don’t worry, you don’t need to answer. I-I just wan– needed to talk.”
And with one breath out…
“That dream… It's the same one. Noise. Just cosmic noise, trying to scream something I can’t understand. Am I broken? Do you think I’m broken?” I spat out over my next breath. Only the wind responded with cold fireworks on my coat. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop with those thoughts, or at least try to. But the swamp… What does the Infinite mean by the swamp? I need you to tell me.”
“Well, we tried.”
I opened my eyes as Silver Tongue plopped down next to me while running a hoof through his silver mane.
“You need to sleep.” He sighed.
“I know. Just not my thing.”
“So brooding ,” Silver snickered. “Wildcard, we had Blitz drug you this time. How the hell did you wake up?”
“How would I know?”
“Because you only pray when it gets really bad.”
I tightened my brow.
“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I heard mo—“
“It’s fine.” I cut him off.
Silver awkwardly shifted on his hooves. “So, you want to talk about— that is, if you want to, of course!”
“Chill out,” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I thought you were an atheist?”
“Ehhh… I’m still working that one out. It’s a— it’s a little touchy.” It was physically hard to watch Silver Tongue try to wrap himself tighter in that tainted button shirt. He never washed it. He never changed out of it. It was as much a part of him as my rifle was to me.
I had to say something, anything. That's what I would usually do. Dodge the topic to make sure that dapple-grey pony didn’t cry. He’s already had enough scars for countless lifetimes. Surprisingly, he beat me to the punch.
“Do you… do you think my mom’s up there?” Silver barely mustered the words through his whimpers.
“I do,” I didn’t hesitate. “She’s with the Infinite.”
“What do you mean by that anyways?”
“The Infinite?” He nodded to my question. “Oh, it’s the universe itself. The Great Spirit that watches over all of us.”
He smiled. “That sounds nice.”
“Yeah, it is.” I whispered to only myself.
“Have they said anything today?”
“No,” I sighed. “They’ve been silent as always.”
Silver leaned in. “So, what’s with the self induced insomnia? It’s gotten worse since Canterlot.”
“I don’t know…”
“That’s a problem we can fix. Let’s start with your nightmares. What are they about?”
I looked away. “I’d rather not, to be honest.”
“Come on, it’ll make you feel better!”
“I said no.”
“Wildcard jus—“
“No!”
Silver recoiled back at my outburst. Immediately my head was banging to keep pushing my point, because I knew he’d keep asking. My heart was trying to spin another story, but was drowned out by my mind. “What part of ‘no’ don’t you get? I don’t wanna talk about it! Okay?”
He nodded before slowly sitting back up straight. It was a helluva way for me to make a thick air of silence between us. Good going, me!
“Sorry, just—“
“No, no. It’s my fault,” Silver Tongue practically threw himself into my blame. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“But—“
“Leave it.” He cut me off.
“So,” I rolled the word on my tongue. “What now?”
“Well, we could make some breakfast and go over the documents we got.”
“You know what? Sure.”
He got up and led me back inside. “Cool.”
Silver Tongue already had the sealed documents on the soiled kitchen island when I walked in, resting my gun on the fridge. He was focusing on lighting the two hundred year old pilot light with a match– personally, though, I would say praying, if he didn’t whinny and jump a little bit in joy when flames finally bursted out. He placed a pot from his saddlebags on the stove before frowning as I pulled out a really squashed loaf of bread.
“We’re not eating that.”
“Why not? It’s just bread.” I raised a brow.
He swiped the loaf and turned it over. “Yeah, bread with more mold than slavers in the wastes!”
“You can just remove those parts,” I took the loaf back and began cutting out the greening spots. “Can’t be really wasteful, can we?”
“And if someone gets sick?”
“We’ll deal with it. We always do.” I retorted firmly.
Silver shook his head with a loud groan, returning to prepare the coffee beans.
I couldn’t stop glancing at the cover document; the half-apple, flanked by crescent wings on either side, over three spinning gears wrapped around a sword. No, it wasn’t the extremely colored history of the ministry that bothered me enough to want to rip the whole thing in half and burn it to ash. It was the little stamp under the supertext, ‘Dragon’s Den’ .
A quill, encircled by twin olive branch bushels.
I put the bread aside and grabbed the document. That stamp bugged me when we found it, I had to know so opened it. What was inside… Well, I guess I already knew. Much to my own dismay.
Clearance level: Eclipse
MoWT SM1 | SG SM1 | Eclipse
It has recently come to our attention that we can no longer trust members of the ministries, including the head mares themselves. Thus I ———, and other members deemed vital for the continuation of Equestria and her goal, have elected to create a level of secrecy even above Top Secret: Eclipse. Projects and files listed under Eclipse are deemed dangerous, not only to ponykind, but the war effort itself. It is a precedent we must uphold that only three ponies are allowed to know the purpose of said documents. Anypony else must be terminated immediately.
In recent years, the position of Stalliongrad has always been a troubling game piece for Equestria and the Zebra menace due to the autonomous city’s aggressive neutrality. Luckily we have ———— by ————— gifting —— stables. Thus, the creation of the Dragon’s Den has come to fruition. In order to protect the deal from prying third parties, this is but one of two documents focused on the purpose of such a site. The Dragon’s Den is a ——— facility focused on the creation of new ———, ———, ———, and megaspells. It also doubles as Equestria’s northernmost launch site, should the need arise.
Although Stalliongrad is currently sliding more towards Equestria’s interests, it cannot be understated the loyalty the city has to its people, regardless of race. ——— must be placed ——— and in ——— positions to ensure the loyalty of them to us. If the deal or location is discovered, ———— ———— ————.
I scanned through the rest of the pages filled with more black inky censor bars than white space. Only a few thoughts could break through the shroud of pure disgust in my head. Why? Why home? Is that Infinite trying to mock me? I was a jester on strings. What a bitch.
“Please don’t tell me it was all in vain,” Silver Tongue slid me a steaming cup as I closed the document. “Your expression worries me.”
“Umm… ugh. There’s absolutely no way we’re doing that.”
He was puzzled. “Wildcard?”
“What lines are you willing to draw?” I slid over the document. Silver took a moment to read through the lines the best he could. When he didn’t grimace but smiled, my heart sank.
“This… this is it.” All the exhaustion in his voice vanished.
“No, it isn’t. That’s a horrible fucking idea.”
“And you got a better one?”
“Not right now,” I sighed. “But anything is better than this!”
“We’re killing slavers. What is there to discuss?”
“We’ll be tossing away the good as well; just like moldy bread.”
He frowned. “You seriously brought that back up?”
“It’s a great example.”
“Then I’ll do you one better,” Silver cleared his throat and turned to reveal long, twisting scars covering his back, scowling at me. “When I was a colt, my mother told me a story. About a slave who hoped to one day be free of the chains that bound him. That pony was given the opportunity to escape, but hoofsteps away from the exit, another pony, just like him, begged for freedom. He contemplated the choice presented to him: he could save one, or find another way to save more.”
He sighed before continuing. “That fool chose to save the other pony, and was caught in the process. Both slaves' heads hung from spikes the next day. A reminder to others who had been blackbirded of the punishment of disobedience.”
“So, you just want revenge?”
“No. Justice.” He shook his head. “The point of the story is to save as many as possible. Think about it. A megaspell launch site; a working one, at that! Look, maybe it’s a little different from where you came from, but trust me. I doubt a single one of those slaves wouldn’t be fine with giving their lives to off Red Eye and his gang.”
Silver turned around to refill his mug. “Or am I wrong?”
“Maybe, but at this point you’re sounding like a spritebot.”
The rattle of metallic spurs echoed in the halls. No need to guess on who woke up first.
“Morning, Gage.” Silver Tongue and I said in unison.
The large griffin walked into the room, yawning. His ruby-toned face with its tan feather accents were pulled into neat little grooves. Gage tightened his messy crest feathers back into a small bun and poured some coffee into one of the many different clean– ostensibly– cups on the counter. He spat out his first sip onto the ruined, checkered linoleum. “Where the fuck you find this shit?”
“I found it in some Raider’s stash, like,” I rocked my head from side to side, trying my best to recall the memory through the thick fog in my head, “I don’t know, about a week ago?”
Gage stared down into his drink before taking another sip. He cringed and sputtered; the feathers around his face ruffled. I don’t know why he’d expect to get a different taste the second time around.
“I heard y’all from down the hall. So what’s going on?”
“Well,” Silver snickered at the question for a second before gesturing at the document. “Read all about it.”
Gage hummed going through the pages. “Sounds like it’ll work.”
Silver Tongue’s eyes lit up.
“What?!” I smashed my mug on the counter, sending coffee flying. Silver Tongue dodged the brown cascade in time, but Gage wasn’t as lucky.
“What the fuck, Wildcard?!” The griffon flicked his, now soaked, feathers at me.
“Sorry.” I tossed a rag from the tabletop to him and let out a loud exhale. “How the fuck can you agree with him? D-does this not sound insane to you.”
“Well, I don’t see any major downsides to destroying evil for the sake of the rest of the wasteland. You and Blitz are the only ones who ever seem to complain about the smallest details of… everything .”
“It’s because they matter,” I softened my tone. “If we level that city we lose lives, progress, and infrastructure. That doesn’t even add the fact we’re resurrecting the ghost of balefire’s past. Folks will be living under the fear of annihilation again! What stops them— or anyone actually— from taking the Dragon’s Den from us? What if we—“
“Maybe that’s exactly what they need. Somepony to tell them to play nice or be punished.” Silver cut me off.
“You sound just like him.”
He groaned. “You can insult me all you want, but until today you were all for saving the wasteland! What changed?”
“Home,” The answer caught both of them off guard, judging by the look of shock they wore so well. “It’s too close to home.”
It felt like that room of peeling, faded wallpaper and rotting wood was caught in conflict for a second time. Must be strange to relive it, after two hundred-something years.
“Is Wildcard being a bitch again?” A voice rang out from the doorway. “Want me to shoot him?”
“I’d like to see you try, Honey,” I retorted.
Honey entered the kitchen with a large grin from ear to ear and skipped towards the counter. She was tailed by a weary golden-eyed pegasus. He practically dragged his hooves on his way to the mugs.
“You good, Blitz? Or do you need a boot up your ass?” Gage teased.
“Fuck off, ya’ big flying rat.” he mumbled in a barely coherent voice. “Cof....fee…”
He clamped a cup between his hooves and, eyes closed, tipped the rim into his mouth. Blitz paused for a second as he drank the brew faster than he clearly thought. He groaned and pouted at Silver Tongue, who rolled his eyes and smirked before refilling the cup. He was met with happy little mumbles in appreciation.
“Being serious,” Honey Tea was always the model of stoicism. “We picked up most of what you guys were talking about.”
Blitz mumbled something, beckoning the document in Gage’s claws. He buried his snout in it immediately.
“So what’s this about home?” Honey cocked a brow.
“I’m interested too,” Silver took a quick sip from his mug. “You’re from Stalliongrad? I’m reading that correctly, right?”
I nodded.
I swear he was trying to stare through me. “So… why hasn’t there been anyone else from there? I feel like that’s the only question to start with.”
I shook my head.
“What could be so bad that you don’t wanna talk about it?” Silver added.
“A lot,” I looked away from everyone’s sight, drawing tiny circles on the counter that were bigger than me. “Anything out of that city is cursed .”
“So, that’s why you’re against using it?”
“No!” I slammed the tabletop. I couldn’t stop the tremors in my body. I tried my best to hold back the rage that knocked at the door. “Just makes it worse.”
“Ugh…” Blitz had finally fully woken up. He set his empty mug on the island and rubbed his eyes a little, tightening as he joined the conversation with a sigh. “I understand where you're coming from, Wildcard. I never wanted to kill anypony, and I still don’t want to. But Red Eye and ponies just like him have already put us in a situation where it's us or them. If we do nothing, then we’re just helping to prolong this horrible system of agony. Please think about the everlasting consequences this will have on ponies.”
“I did. Now think about building a new system on just as much bloodshed and then pointing a gun at everypony’s head,” I muttered a small chuckle through my shakes. “Does that sound like fucking paradise to you?”
I stood up and walked towards my rifle that rested next to the fridge. I picked it up by its curved magazine, checking the chamber for abrasions before slinging it onto my back. The rest of the room turned to watch Silver Tongue’s response. He gave a loud, long exhale as he approached me.
He was close enough for me to smell the stale roasted beans on his breath. I stared at the hoof he put on my shoulder. “No, but at least it’s something. Listen, you’re from there . It’s as if your ‘Infinite ’ planned this. Why you’re here, right now. I can’t find a better reason why we should do this. We can’t fall apart now when the goal is so close!”
“Maybe . Or maybe it was for the opposite.”
The earth pony stallion just gazed at the hoof I brushed off my shoulder. I trudged my way to the doorway. I don’t know why. Maybe I was hoping they would realize what they're really considering. But that dream was crushed by the time I moved to open the front door.
A set of hoofsteps echoed behind me. “Wildcard… this is the best shot we… no, everypony has. I can’t see another way at this point. You have to understand that at least.”
I spun around on my hooves. “I can’t.”
“So what? You’re just gonna leave?” Silver Tongue raised an eyebrow.
“I joined you because I was ready and willing to die for you and the others. That was out of respect for each one of you. That we were going to risk our lives for others!” I turned back around and stared at the reddening morning sky. “Now I just respect your goal. I don’t respect you anymore.”
I heard Silver’s ass hit the ground. He was probably on the verge of tears, but this time I didn’t feel bad about it. Even as the seconds in the silence seemingly turned into forever.
“So, what are you gonna do?” Silver croaked.
“Die for someone else… just like my brother.”
His steady breathing began to chop up as he whined like a little colt. I turned just in time to watch the tear race down his cheeks as he dropped his head. Silver tugged his collar close. “You’re g-gonna… what?”
“Silver… We were doing it.”
“But you don’t need to die… w-we have the solution. No one else has to die for me!” He spat.
“It’s fin—“
“No, it’s not!” Silver Tongue cut me off.
“No-no-no-no-no!” The stallion stomped his forehoof repeatedly on the floor like a hollow drum to emphasize every word. “Damnit! There is no other way! More ponies die the longer we do nothing! And I won’t let you waste your life!”
I clenched my teeth and tried my best to ignore Silver Tongue’s outburst. The distance between us grew with each step.
“Wildcard!” He screamed from the doorway. “Please! Every whip mark on their back! Like me! Every foal ripped from their parents’ embrace! Every waster trying to be like you! What fuel would your death add to the pyre?!”
Hopefully? Something. It’s all I could hope for.
Footnote: New Game+
Modification: Ranger Hardcore – Forego all Perks, Skills and Traits as well as levels and the leveling system. Weapon and Armor values as well as yours and your enemies HP is set to Realistic. Good luck Stalker, you'll need it.
Chapter One:
“I like to think all ponies have enough sense to do the right thing.”
Day to day... It's been fucking weeks now.
I can't sleep much. Not that I did before. The same dream keeps coming and I just… Well, the only respite I get is by staying awake; to keep moving. There’s something in there though. It’s in the air, hard with surfaces, edges, and corners. Invisible primitives of reality inside a tinkerer’s junk drawer. I just can’t finish it. Much to my family's disappointment.
Because zebras say dreams are visions from The Infinite.
The dreary shroud snapped me out of my trance. I lifted an orb out of my saddlebags, it pierced through with an eldritch blue glow. The artifact bounced in the air just above my hoof, its radiance illuminating faintly a few feet in front of me. I could barely muster a tiny squint as sand and dust beat away at my face. Fuck . Home could wait because if I had to walk through this wall of brown any longer, I was gonna lose my shit.
I could vaguely make out my oasis up ahead. It was a faded two-story silhouette of a house that held strong against the blades of wind. One side of the building’s roof had caved in, but it would do for some quick shelter.
I put the sphere into my saddlebags and trudged through the sea of dust with my hoof shielding my eyes. Each step pounded into the dirt as I fought the storm; my jacket sounded like crackling thunder as it flapped behind me.
I felt it before I saw it–the chips of paint and spiderwebs. I guided my hoof down till I found the cold knob. With a groan, I shakily wedged open the door and snuck in.
I took in my new surroundings and wiped off my clothes and bracer. The walls of the hallway used to be white, but decades of fallout had stained them a sickly yellow and brown. Dual staircases stood on both sides of the hall: one rising to a second level, the other descending. The upbeat tone of a radio echoed from a small room to my left. Wooden cabinets containing the old residents’ memorabilia lined every available space. Faded photos of happy ponies hung crooked on the wall. A reminder of what we had. One truly caught my eye, a frozen memory of a group of friends playing in a park. I straightened the frame.
I could almost taste the smell of iron from the stairs. So much for an easy day. “Look, you don’t wanna die and I’m too tired for this.”
“Who the fuck asked?”
Her bloodshot pupils were as sharp as the spikes covering her clothes. The mare happily skipped down the steps to the guitar strum, swinging the double-barrelled shotgun in her magic around like a cane. She was tailed by four other ponies just like her.
“I don’t know anything about you folks, but the BDSM gear is an easy hint.” I sighed.
The group chuckled. “Good one.”
“Whelp–” I pulled my rifle off my back and quickly tongued the trigger. The raiders’ eyes went wide as I cut down two in a flurry of bullets. The mare reacted faster than the remaining two however, leveling her shotgun and blasting with both barrels. Pellets hammered my weapon, knocking it out of my hooves, and part of my chest, the ricocheting rounds pinging upwards, tearing through the side of my face.
I felt my ribs accordion as my body slammed onto the floor. Instincts took over my senses and I drove through the nearest archway. The scent of iron was stronger than before, and I gagged on its musk. Bodies, both whole and carved, took up every available space from tabletops to makeshift wall hooks. A small radio sang on a countertop. It was an orgy of evidence I had landed in their kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m fucking sure he’s alone.” The mare’s voice echoed through the house. “Go get the other cocksuckers!”
Fuck me. I smacked my vest rig and groaned. The smashed pellets fell to the ground with very little fanfare. Whatever was happening in the hallway sounded like a stampede. Galloping closer and closer until…
Nothing.
An eerie silence set in. I pressed my ear up against the drywall, listening for where the raiders had gone. Quiet snaps and clicks came through. I hit the deck as fast as I could.
“Give it to ‘im!”
Bullets ripped and whizzed through the drywall, pinging and slamming into appliances and corpses indiscriminately. A dirty mist engulfed the room. The sound of shell casings bouncing off the floor echoed in an almost sick melodic tone. It felt endless.
Even with the continuous ringing in my ears, I could hear the muffled yelling, “Stop shooting, you fucks!”
The maelstrom slowly died out. I grabbed my knife from my bracer and crept towards the sound of hoofsteps approaching the room. A shaky pistol rounded the corner first, followed by a young stallion.
In a single swift motion, I knocked his pistol to the ground and swung at his throat. The knife whistled with a deadly velocity. The raider’s eyes went wide and he tried to dodge by leaping past, but it only caused me to miss my intended target. It ripped away at the soft flesh where the raider’s upper and lower lips met. A misty glaze began to cloud his eyes as he frantically tried to stop the bleeding. The look twisted into my own heart, but now wasn’t the time. I pushed away the thoughts.
The stallion flung a hoof forward to stop me, kicking wildly. His eyes begged for mercy. I slashed the plea with my knife. His squeals turned to a bubbling gargle as I ripped the blade through his neck. The raider’s movements weakened and his eyes rolled back.
My ears shot up as another set of hooves charged for the room. I left the blade, diving for his pistol and fired two rounds at the first sign of movement. The mare’s head violently whipped back, exploding like an overripe tomato into a red mist that painted the archway.
I took a few quick breaths and then launched myself into the hallway, firing a flurry of shots. The wall and lead mare were riddled with holes. The stallion next to her collapsing body roared, speedily aiming his rusty pipe-rifle directly at me, and tongued the trigger. The weapon offered a soft click.
I smirked. What luck.
I unloaded my pistol at him. Whatever ammunition was in the magazine was shit. Each bullet fell low, hitting his kneecaps and tearing up the floor. He crumpled and the pistol’s slide locked back, prompting the other raiders to charge at me with an assortment of melee weapons. The first, a mare, used her body to whip a magically-held rusty pipe at me. I moved to the side, and the air whooshed as the weapon barely missed.
A second tackled me into one of the large cabinets. The remaining glass and trinkets exploded out and a few picture frames crashed onto the floor below. I choked mid-breath on impact. The shelves crunched under the force. The raider with the pipe was recovering from her commitment to the attack. The mare on me began throwing wild punches at my face. Blood rushed from my mouth and nostrils, drenching the pistol grip still in my teeth.
I let out a growl. I’d had enough. The mare howled in pain as I pressed the glowing barrel into her eye. I could smell the flesh beginning to burn. She wrenched back, losing all balance before falling down the stairwell to the basement. The last raider galloped towards me.
I dodged the first swing of her pipe and slammed my forehead into hers. The mare stumbled. I swung my hoof as hard as I could muster at the raider’s face. I saw a chance to finish the fight, but damn, I should’ve been more cautious. The unicorn snapped into a wild rage. She regained her hoofing just in time to dodge the attack and slam the pipe into my chest. The air in my lungs was forced out along with my pistol. Bursts of tiny sporadic white light danced across my vision as I was knocked to the ground.
She howled and jumped on top of me. We wrestled for control. The mare’s sheer strength completely outclassed my own. I threw up my hooves to protect my face but she didn’t care. She kept pummeling at me. If not my forehooves then my chest and vice versa. Each time I attempted to get up, I was punched right in the muzzle. The raider’s own hooves grew bloodier with each hit.
She pressed down on my throat with both hooves. The world around me began to darken at the edges. I needed a way out. I ran my hooves over the floor for something, anything.
I found it.
Grabbing one of the fallen picture frames, I desperately slammed its sharp edge into the raider’s head. The mare backpedaled off me. I grabbed a shard of broken glass and shanked her. The raider had no time to dodge.
Her face paled with each wet thud to the abdomen. Blood and flesh swam from the wound, burying everything in crimson. I crashed the point of the glass into the side of her neck with a grunt and left it there. The raider’s neck shrunk down as her lifeless body crumbled to the ground. I looked around at the mess I had made, wiping blood off my face.
“Well…”
A crash like thunder came from the basement. Of course he would be there. I grabbed a shotgun off one of the kind corpses and prowled down the stairwell.
Whimpers, candles and cobwebs met me at the bottom of the steps. A young mare wearing a soiled blue and gold suit, embroidered with the number eleven, was tied to a beam in the corner only a few feet away. Behind her was a unicorn with the cutiemark of a brown jug. He held a rusty kitchen knife to her throat with his magic.
“Don’t move,” The stallion asserted in a gravelly voice, kind of like that of a long time smoker. “I don’t give a shit who you are but if you— Wait, you?!“
He dropped like rubble with a single shotgun blast. He grimaced at the stump of mincemeat where his rear leg used to be. The mare was frozen in shock at the display. I couldn’t really put that past somepony like her.
I slowly walked over to the stallion.
“Wa-wa-wait! It’s me–” He screamed before his head painted the ground a new shade of grey matter and blood. Spitting at his corpse and wiping some blood off my face, I dropped the shotgun and plopped my sore ass on the floor. Finally, a chance to relax and breathe.
“You had so much going for you, Happy Hour. Wrong place, wrong time I guess,” I turned to the mare. “Sorry about that. I’ll let you down, just… give me a second here.”
I got up with a groan and untied the young unicorn. The stable dweller stared back with eyes like television static. Fuck me. I was never good at that stuff. I gave her a soft bloody smile.
“Take some time for yourself. I’ll be upstairs when you’re ready to walk to the nearest settlement.”
I stopped mid-turn. She was tugging on my jacket. The mare quietly mumbled something. I cocked my head to one side in response.
“Who… are you?” the mare said in a tiny voice.
“I’m Wildcard,” I paused as the mare glanced at the headless corpse of Happy Hour. “Don’t worry about it, Blue. They’re lost to the Wastes now.”
The stable dweller nodded slowly. She didn’t dare move, but the mare would snap out of it or… it was best not to think of that.
“Well,” I made my way to the stairwell to get my weapons. “I’ll be upstairs.”
======= ☢ =======
My discarded armor rig squeaked and sighed as the steel plate pressed into the side of the couch's soft fabric. I removed my jacket with saddlebags and threw it on top of the stained, washed-out green cushions.
I wandered around the living room to stretch my battered muscles, grunting with each step.
I sifted through my saddlebags, feeling around it until my hoof nudged a small box. I pulled out the orange container with a black cross on its cover and popped it open to find a single remaining white syringe. The lifeblood of every adventurer; or at least, that’s what the chemist who made them said.
I removed the single dose from its protective strap and proceeded to roll it in my hoof. I fucking hate needles. Just that feeling of it penetrating through silently makes my skin crawl. It’s unnerving, but the bliss after is better than the pain now.
Without any hesitation, I closed my eyes, grit my teeth, and injected myself with the needle. My ears sprung erect as I moaned out in pain. “Fucccck…”
My gaze wandered to the boarded windows, and saw nothing through the slits but a world of dirt.
“Of course.” I plopped down next to my jacket and let myself sink into dusty comfort.
I grabbed my rifle and began stripping the weapon, meticulously checking each part. Luckily those pellet marks would be just another scar on its frame; a testament to its mileage. What are the chances of finding parts out here anyways? The stable dweller wandered into the living room as I swiftly reconstructed the rifle.
“How you doing, Blue?” I pulled back the bolt rhythmically to make sure it was clear.
“Why do you call me that?”
I rocked a fully loaded, curved magazine into the rifle. “Just a fun little nickname me and some old friends gave to stable dwellers. Want me to call you something else or is it growing on you?”
The mare paused. “Why are you being so nice? What are you doing?”
“I know this place is completely foreign to you, but thinking the whole world is against you is a little rude, don’t you think?”
Her eyes went wide. “Sorry, my name is Sea Mist.”
“It’s a pleasure.” I gestured to another chair across from me. “I’ve always wanted to visit one of those fancy stables. What was it like? Must have been amazing having actual water and food.”
Sea Mist’s facial expression darkened and she shifted on her hooves. The mare rubbed the top of her pipbuck anxiously. I pressed my lips into a small line, and popped out of the seat to place a hoof on her shoulder. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
The shadows around the living room began to shift and wobble. Unintelligible voices whispered from the cracks all around me. Sea Mist’s horn and eyes had begun to glow a brilliant shade of amaranth. The shade turned to formless pale jade eyes.
“It’s time to go home.”
The phrase echoed.
The air was sharp and thick. Each breath was harder than the last. I felt my throat constrict. The area warped with each blink. An endless tunnel with unusual, total, absolute darkness. A pony cracked a flare that hardly illuminated the path ahead. Like a porous sponge, the shroud ate greedily at the light. A sea of bodies rushed towards them and the few ponies behind them. I couldn’t see their faces.
“It was an honor, comrades.” The lead pony’s voice rang out.
My eyes ached as the shadows warped again. A lone pony sat in front of me. Their chest slowly raised and lowered. The mask they wore was shattered. Their eyes were hazy. We both coughed up blood. Was I dying?
“Stalker… what have you done?”
I ripped my hoof away and dropped to my knees. I greedily sucked in as much air as possible. I ran my hooves through my mane trying to calm my heart. There was no blood, no pain. My body didn’t agree with me.
I stared at Sea Mist. “What the fuck did you do?”
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It just—” She collapsed into a mess of rambling and hyperventilating.
I thought I was gonna be sick. The world continued to spin. I pressed myself up with a groan. “What kind of magic was that?!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Sea Mist kept repeating.
I smashed my hoof down and roared, “Fucking chill out!”
She whimpered into a ball. My brain felt like it was being crushed.
“Sea Mist, tell me what you just did or I’m leaving your ass here. Okay?”
“Okay…o-okay,” The young unicorn began rubbing the top of her pipbuck again. “I saw your thread.”
A flurry of blinks was all I could’ve responded with.
“I felt who you were…” Sea Mist took a long pause. “And who you will be.”
I squinted. “I’m sorry, but could speak in Ponish please?”
“I am!”
“Well, that doesn’t explain what I saw.” I started putting my gear back on. The jacket slid on quickly. I tightened the vest to my chest at the shoulders and hips. Sea Mist was just looking up at me, wide eyed.
“What?”
“That’s not supposed to happen…” The young mare blinked.
“Well,” I peeked out the boarded window. The dust and wind were slowing down. The storm was finally settling. “That’s not a phrase I like.”
“Could I come with you to Stalliongrad?”
She said what ? She shouldn’t know that… couldn’t know that. I slung my rifle onto my back. I should’ve left–no, I should’ve definitely – left the crazy mare, but… something intrigued me.
“Why?”
Sea Mist’s eyes sparkled a little. “It just feels like the right thing to do.”
“No.”
“You won’t stop me.”
“Watch m—“
“You want to understand your dreams and you feel like home is the only place to find answers,” She calmly interjected.
That’s a lot of red flags, but she wasn’t wrong… that’s what scared me. But a shaman this far out? No. I needed to know more.
“Sure, but this ain’t gonna be sunshine and rainbows, Blue.”
“My name is Sea Mist.” She scrunched her muzzle.
I grinned. “I know.”
I walked over to the door with her in tow. Stepping over the fresh worm food in the hallway, Sea Mist tried her best not to look down. I cracked open the doorway and looked out at the wasteland ahead. Directly on the horizon to the east was a city of towering buildings bathed in a soft green, sickly glow. One day I would have to visit. To the south, Canterlot’s glory was still visible. Its pink glow shone brightly even from here.
Finally, I glanced to the north and saw Stalliongrad; home. A mass of dark grey clouds hovered over the dead city, dumping endless waves of snow and leaving the visible buildings covered with a thick layer of frost and ice. Even the desolate area surrounding the city was covered with frozen water. Tiny winged beasts were circling around the city’s few last standing skyscrapers. From within Stalliongrad limits, a bright cyan beam of light pierced through the sky above.
I let out a long sigh as I began making my way towards the city. Towards home. But something still didn’t sit right with me. What I saw with the spell didn’t scare me. It’s what I felt.
Cold.
Loneliness.
My gut twisted at the thought.
Was I gonna die?
Chapter Five | The Duet That Never Ends
Author's Note
Dedicated to my late grandmother. May she rest in peace.
Chapter Five | The Duet That Never Ends
Chapter Five:
“Leave while you still have… hope.”
“You look like hammered shit.” Silver Tongue took a sip of his coffee.
I snickered and finished off my own cup. “You smell like it.”
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s home. What do you think?”
“You know what I meant.” He rested his mug on the counter with a sigh and chuckled, “Mmmm… this mushroom coffee isn’t actually that bad.”
Ginger came up to me with a steaming coffee pot in claw, but I stopped her before she could pour. My ears drooped. I stared into the empty cup in front of me, studying the minute amount of liquid gripping to its base as I tilted it.
“Wildcard.” Silver rested a hoof on my shoulder. “What’s on your mind?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
He bowed his head and dropped his shoulders. “You know I can’t stand to see you like this. It hurts me. Just…”
“Then be honest with me. Why does it have to be you? Not someone else?” I turned to lock eyes with my friend. “Why this option?”
“You kn—“
“I don’t. Why else would I fucking ask?” I cut him off.
Silver’s expression darkened, his eyes boiling. “You didn’t spend time in that city. You never wondered if you were always meant to be chained. If you were still… you or something else. This is my problem.”
My heart sank. I understood him completely. “Just make sure you don’t become what you hate.”
“So, what are you doing here?” he asserted once again after a long huff. “It can’t be—well, come to think of it, I don’t believe you have a real family.”
“That’s funny, Silver. I'm actually here on vacation. Catch up with family, visit the famous Starswirl Libra–”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Silver Tongue snorted.
“Fine, then let's cut the shitty subtext. You know exactly why I’m here.”
“Okay then, continue.” He took a sip from his cup.
“I get that I was never there. But Red Eye decides other ponies’ lives, but they should get to decide their own. He shouldn’t and you don’t get to do that.”
“But they-“
“You don’t get to do that!”
Silver didn’t respond this time; rather, he remained quiet. He was never quiet. The display made the balefireflies in my stomach buzz. I thought about my next words. “I can’t pretend to be a hero while being your friend.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
“What do you mean I don’t have to worry about you?! My brother is gone because I tried to play make believe! He’s gone!” I furrowed my brow. “I can’t abandon you too.”
“I-“
A pair of wings wrapped around us. “Are you spreading the Hearthswarming cheer over here, Silver?”
“Morning, Blitz.” My grin flustered him.
“W-wildcard?”
I chuckled as the excited little pegasus found a stool and pushed it over to us. He could barely hold a single train of thought. “What are you… Why are… How-”
“Breathe, idiot.” Silver snickered.
Blitz gulped a massive breath and slowly exhaled. “Sorry, I just didn’t think you’d be here.”
“Neither did I.”
“So, are you joining the party again?” Blitz was on the edge of his seat, surging with anxious anticipation. Silver sighed when I looked at him for assistance. I guess I was on my own.
“I…I don’t know.”
“Oh! Well, how about you travel with us to the next station? That should be plenty of time for the thought to simmer.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” The thought filled me with hopeful warmth. I couldn’t afford to miss this chance or fuck it up.
I stiffened as I was practically shoved onto the countertop as somepo— who was I kidding?—Dusk pressed her hooves uncomfortably into my back and messed with my mane. My ribs screamed at the weight. “Is Serenity making friends?”
Silver Tongue raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think we were split up for that long.”
“Shut up. And Dusk?” She hmm’d in acknowledgment. “Get the fuck off me.”
Dusk, the generous pony she was, helped me sit up with a small tug of my mane. I scratched around my hair until my hooves bumped into something. She had been braiding small sections of mane behind my ear. The batpony gave me an innocent shrug.
“Silver, meet me at the northern exit in like…five? Nah, ten minutes. Blitz, make sure he doesn’t get side tracked or something.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him and the others. We'll see you there!” The small pegasus zoomed out of the bar’s front door. Silver Tongue chugged down the rest of his mug and smiled.
“Thanks for coffee.”
As he walked off, Sea Mist came down the steps almost tripping over each one. She bumped into Silver, who caught her suit’s collar before the mare could hit the ground. “Easy, filly. You don’t want to get hurt doing dumb stuff.”
“Thanks.” She shied away from the stallion behind her bangs.
Sea Mist galloped up to me, throwing her front hooves over to the stool to pull herself on top of it. I chuckled while she struggled with the task. The stable dweller was beaming with pride when she was finally able to sit down. “Morning, Serenity!”
“Chipper today, aren’t we?”
Dusk patted Sea Mist on the head. “She finally got to shower and sleep in a bed. What else did you expect? Not everypony can mope around all day like you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“So…” Dusk’s tone darkened. “That was him?”
“Yup.”
“And you wanna travel with them to Sunlight?”
I nodded and hopped off my seat. “I just need to get my rifle. You two eat and I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay.” She sighed while Sea Mist waved her goodbye.
I tossed three bullets onto the counter and made my way out onto the streets of Dry Station. They were quiet, with only a few folks walking besides the tracks. Peaceful compared to the wild wasteland of the south. I followed the signs welded to the corners of buildings and support beams to the local gunsmith.
The building was pretty small, its details banal in nature. No door like the other buildings, only a simple cloth to keep out the drunkards. The name of the business was spray painted in purple next to the doorway: Iryn Arms . I pushed the cloth aside and entered the business.
“Howdy,” the zebra behind a wire-fenced counter called out. A gambit of weapons, ranging from firearms to swords and even grenades, were neatly organized behind him. “Serenity, right?”
I nodded as the zebra pulled a rifle off the shelf and slid it over the corner. “That ranger said you’d be coming around. A scar like that is pretty notable.”
The rifle’s main body was clean, as well as it could be. Old scrapes and tiny dents still remained, even on the dust cov… “Where’s my gun?”
“Excuse me?”
I pointed at the spot on the dust cover where my brother’s name should be. “This isn’t my rifle.”
“That piece of shit can only fire semi-automatic with a high chance of the bolt seizing. Plus it’s easier to replace the whole thing! So what if it’s not your gun? That one in your hooves works, more than I can say about that piece of jun–”
“Give me my gun and the parts, I’ll fix it myself.”
“But-“
“Just give me the damn gun!” I snapped.
“Okay.” He pulled the firearm from the counter and put it back on the rack before disappearing into a side door. The sales clerk reappeared with my rifle and a box balanced on his back. “That’ll be two magazines.”
I dug out two full magazines from my vest and exchanged them for the items. The zebra gave a heavy huff through his nostrils as I began stripping the weapons down, carefully placing each part on the table as if they were made of glass. I brushed the engraved name on the metal, each letter appeasing my heart, then dark thoughts began festering with each replacement. A piston for a memory. A gas block for a ghastly face. Springs for… nothing good at all. As everything fit back together, the glass barrier of my will reconstructed, allowing me to see something that shouldn’t be. That can’t be. I hugged the rifle tight after finishing the repairs.
“You done?” The clerk was there. Yeah… still there.
I sighed, nodded and left the shop, back into the streets of Dry Station. More lively characters roamed around. They were gathering in crowds for holiday drinks and parties. I tried my best to push past them without interrupting too much. Hell, by the sight alone, you’d almost be forgiven to think this was paradise. Almost.
It took a bit, but I reached the northern exit, and of course, I was the last one there. Dusk was chatting with Sea Mist in front of a burn barrel separated from the others. Silver stood like a statue, staring out at the path ahead. Honey Tea was flustering Gage by rubbing the side of her body against his, sticking her tongue out playfully. It was easy to tell, even behind his power armor, that he was boiling in that suit. How little both of them had changed.
Blitz creeped up to me, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. “Soooo…”
“Something feel off?”
“No, no. It’s just been a while since we were all together. But… umm… who’s the stable filly?” The pegasus pointed to Sea Mist with a wing.
“I found her about to get sautéed by some locals of the Wastes. Now she won’t stop bugging me.”
“Well, she’s quite brilliant and easy to talk to.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I don’t agree.”
“To each their own, I guess.” Blitz shrugged and began to walk over to Silver. I followed. The pony in question was trying to stop his left forehoof from shaking, trying everything from massaging it to tensing his lean muscles.
“You’re shaking.” I joined him in looking at the darkness of the tunnel ahead.
“This place is horrifying.”
“I’ve never really thought of it like that.”
He tilted his head towards me. “Solid trees made of pure light, fungi growing over sheer ice, dreamless sleep… only a few things we encountered on our way here. Nothing makes sense.”
“I know.” I didn’t confide in him at all.
Blitz stopped preening his feathers and rolled his eyes. “So are we going to ponder over the endless void in front of us or are we going to head out?”
I waved Sea Mist and Dusk over. “We’re moving!”
“Just a straight shot forward for a while, right?” I nodded to Blitz. “Then I’ll tell Gage to start moving ahead. Wanna walk with me, Silver?”
“Sure.”
Our party set off down the tunnel, Gage’s power armor headlamp lighting the way, his steel-cased talons rattling like spurs. Nothing but the same dirt, steel, and wires to entertain the eyes. The same shuffling of weapons. Sea Mist looked sickened by it.
The stable pony tugged on the side of my jacket. “Hey Wild- I mean, Serenity.”
“Hmm?”
“Out of your friends… why does the earth pony just wear some old dress shirt?”
I sighed. It felt like something I shouldn’t talk about without asking for permission. “It was his mother’s. The last thing he has left is his previous life.”
“At least he has something. Are they good memories?”
“No. More of a memento mori.”
“What’s that?” She cocked her head.
“An old pegasus parable back before the three races got along.”
“Well, how does it go?”
“Once, a teacher’s older brother died during battle, so she was conscripted to fill his spot. The training was hard for the mare. She never could stand conflict, always freezing up. Whether it be a fight or a simple argument. The teacher was just too afraid. So the general pulled her aside and rid her of her fear. He was like her. In the beginning always afraid, but after years of conflict, through watching bloodshed, he learned true peace. His lesson moved her. The mare became an excellent warrior, more accomplished than her sibling, fighting countless battles until being speared through the heart in flight. A bright pony, cut down at half the age of her brother.”
I looked over to Silver Tongue, who was softly nuzzling his collar while he walked. “Soldiers found her body in a field, and when they removed the teacher’s chest plate they found the general’s lesson written on the inside: memento mori. How could a simple phrase move a soul?”
Sea Mist just stared at me, pursing her lips tightly together.
“Any guess?”
She shook her head.
“It’s old Ponish. Today it would be: ‘Remember you will die.’ It’s an admonition to value your life. To not waste a single second. That is what that shirt means to him.”
She fell quiet, probably to try and process the meaning. Sea Mist rubbed the top of her pipbuck. “Do you have one?”
“No.”
“Why no-”
“Wildcard, may I ask you something?” Gage cut her off.
“Wait, birdbrain. What were you going to ask, Sea Mist?”
She grinned. “Don’t worry, I can just ask you later.”
“You sure?”
She nodded. I’m glad that she was at least somewhat happy again. I hurried to match Gage’s speed, who was in pace with Honey Tea. Both of them giggled like fillies.
“What?”
“I thought romance wasn’t your thing?” Honey cooed.
I narrowed my glance. “We’re not dating.”
“No need to treat a pretty girl like that. What if the batpony hears you? That’d probably break her heart.”
“Shut up, Gage.”
“But seriously, are you two..?” The griffon pointed a talon to Dusk.
“No. That would be just weird.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Honey nodded in agreement.
We continued quietly. Only the tune of softly crunching gravel and the squash of dirt under our legs played through the dead air.
“So…” The silence was getting awkward. ”How have you guys been?”
Honey raised an eyebrow. “Sheesh, small talk? That’s kind of lame, don’t you think?”
“Well, I-“
“I’m only teasing, Wildcard. Relax.” She stopped me before I said something stupid.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, we actually got married.” Honey flaunted the ornate circular steel barrette in her mane’s ponytail.
“I’m all for you.”
“Yeah, maybe one day you’ll know the feeling too, but sadly, y'all still lonely.” Gage chuckled.
“I’m not lonely.”
“Bullshit. Have you ever even been intimate with someone?”
“That shit doesn’t matter.”
“Real shame. Maybe you’d smile more.”
Honey walked around Gage to squash my face. “It’s okay-“
I swatted her hooves away and slowed to the back of the party towards Silver. The couple muttered something inaudible and shook their heads. It was always the same shit with them.
“Don’t let them beat you up too hard.”
I snickered to Silver. “Funny. Even stone breaks down over—“
C R A C K
Dust and pebbles fell from the ceiling accompanied by deep rumble. A massive line surged to the surface in a web-like pattern. Everyone tilted their heads and froze in confusion. Dusk locked eyes with me. I yanked both Blitz and Silver to the ground. Dusk pulled Sea Mist and Honey Tea forward. They didn’t have enough time to react, let alone resist.
The ground shook. The ceiling exploded with chunks of ice, stone and wood. My ears rang. Each addition to the debris thickened the air with more dirt. Metal rods jutted from the new hole in the tunnel roof. My anomaly detector screamed.
A demon’s corpse, its exposed muscles and bones twisted and pulverized, plummeted through the hole and splattered against the ground. The air above the hole shimmered, like oil on water, and vibrated, levitating lumps of snow. My bracer’s beeping slowed to silence. The snow poured down onto the cave-in. Once again my side ached. I waved away the dust, coughing.
Blitz slid to my side, “Nothing broken, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, good. Silver’s fine, but what the fuck? ”
“You can say that again,” Silver groaned, wiping the grime off his chest.
“Well shit… we’re not getting through that.” The rubble had completely blocked us off from the others. We’d have to make our way to Sunlight Station on the surface.
“What about the others?!” Blitz called out.
I started climbing the pile of debris. “They’re with Dusk, they’ll be fine. Come on! I don’t wanna get stuck in an Emission.”
“A what?” they said in unison.
“You’ll know when it’s about to happen.”
The streets were silent. No roars. No wing beats. No gunfire. I pulled out my PDA and began surveying the area. Finding a good reference marker is always fucking harder than it has to be. I walked up to a nearby road sign and bucked the snow off.
“Woah!” Someone cried. I whipped around to the source of the sound, then facehoofed.
Blitz was flat on his ass in the snow blowing out a long shallow exhale. Silver was laughing at him as the pegasus tried to get up and slipped again.
“What kind of anomaly is this?!” he whined.
“Blitz, that’s just ice.”
“What are you talking about? I can’t see it!” Blitz huffed, getting to his shaking hooves.
I was choking the laughter down. “That’s black ice.”
The young pegasus’s wings shot up stiff as his face turned red. I think he was about to cry.
“You’re a big, strong boy, Blitzy. No need to piss in the snow.” Silver patted him on the back then pushed him towards me. Blitz froze still as he spun around, sliding across the ground before I stopped him.
“It happens to everyone. Don’t worry.”
“Okay…”
I turned back to the PDA. According to the markings and notes stored in the system, we had a straight path forward with zero complications. That couldn’t be right. I rechecked the data and map multiple times but the same outcome. Something about it still bugged me.
I groaned.
“What’s up?” Silver Tongue walked over to my side.
“This map is out of date!”
“How bad is it?”
“Three months…”
Blitz whistled. “Wow.”
“How’s it going, stranger!” A gleeful voice rang out ahead.
“I’ve never met a zebra before.”
Not even a couple hoofsteps away, Blitz was practically molesting the poor soul with his eyes. The stalker shrunk back into the half open door they poked their head out of.
“You’re really special aren’t you, Blitz? You literally saw some not even an hour ago,” I snarked.
I saw his mind stirring even from here. “Fuck you.”
What a dumbass.
“Stripe?” I hollered over.
“No, Loner.”
I nodded and made for the clinic he was holed up in. The zebra smiled at my front patch. “Quite the eccentric companion you got there.”
“Tourists.” I gestured my forehead inside. “Do you mind?”
“Oh! Sorry, come in.”
The clinic’s tile floor was cracked, the loose pieces mixing with the thin layer of snow that crept in through an open window. Parts of the drop ceiling were missing. Some of the rooms to the left were frozen shut, while others had their doors completely missing. There were rusty steel tables inside with the surgical tools still neatly lined up. Stained full body mirrors and abandoned shoes and dolls. One room had a sad little turned-over wheelchair in front of broken picture frames, the images lost to time. Walls marked with heights of foals. Everything was quiet. The kind of quiet where I could almost hear my brain.
We passed a collage of posters. Some advocated to join against the striped menace, others asked residents to hold their ground against the pressure of the ministries. But who cared about past politics when a beautiful aged mural, three tiny pink butterflies dancing around the branches of a tall tree, was just next to it? A cross was painted on its bark.
“We haven’t seen a Ranger in a long time since the armistice.” The zebra said.
“Armistice?” But that would mean… “There’s no way—“
“The Old Guard and Stripes put aside their differences. I know it’s still hard to believe but at least it's peaceful. Well… sort of.”
Everyone in the next room wore the look of week old baggy eyes. Stalkers, faces shrunken from starvation, cooking a small cup of rice with sprinkles of expired sugar over a fire in an abandoned laboratory. Paper bags and old wraps littered everywhere. Truly the pinnacle of living.
Silver Tongue’s eyes drifted over each face until he got to the back. Quickly, his ears shot up. He slid a compact submachine gun from under his shirt and snapped the barrel up towards the glass divider at the other end of the room. The stalkers reached for their own guns.
Protected behind layers of scratched plexiglass was a pony–a pegasus to be exact. The left side of their mouth was ripped open, revealing the chipped bone underneath. Only small tufts of fur remained in the exposed flesh that ran alongside the gash. Even with missing muscle, the mare looked sad, with her hoof pressed against the glass.
I pushed Silver’s gun down. “Settle down.”
He was left dumbfounded at my actions but slid his weapon back into his shirt with a small huff. Blitz hadn’t really moved for his rifle, which was good. The last thing we needed was a big caliber fired in a small room. I preferred my hearing the way it was.
“Sorry.” I bowed a little. “Like I said, they’re new.”
“Don’t worry. We get it.”
The other stalkers relaxed and nodded in agreement.
“Do you happen to have data on the path to Sunlight?”
The zebra pulled a PDA from his jacket. “Sure do, but that station has been in a bit of a hissy fit, so you best watch yourselves when you get there.”
“I thought you said the war was over?”
“Да, but the recent bombings got them on edge and… you know who they blame.”
I nodded. The same as always.
I passed him my PDA and the zebra started transferring his notes by hoof onto my device. Blitz had begun pacing around, like a bored foal, before stopping right in front of the ghoul. He tilted his head and the mare mimicked him. He stared right at her, almost through her. Like he was trying to etch her face into his mind.
“Hey.” He poked the stalker next to him with his wing. “Not to be rude, but why do you keep that ghoul locked up on display?”
“That’s Vineyard.”
“Let me rephrase…” Blitz gestured to their pistol.
“We can’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“She’s our friend! She wouldn’t have left us…” They placed their hoof on the glass.
“You’d be doing them a favor.”
“Blitz!” I snapped. He better not—
“Listen,” Blitz continued. It’s like he didn’t even hear me. “If you don’t do it, somepony else will.”
The zebra stopped messing with my PDA and snapped their head towards him. “You don’t know that!”
He didn’t even have to say anything. We could tell by the dull glint in his eyes. The patch on Blitz’s jacket was all the evidence he needed. The wings of the Enclave on a blue cross: pararescue.
The stalker next to me grit his teeth before shoving my PDA into my vest. “I think it’s best if you leave.”
“Probably,” I sighed.
“What? I just—“
“Sorry,” Silver promptly cut Blitz off. “We’ll be leaving.”
He gave me a slow nod and began heading back the way we came. Blitz rushed up to us and shoved me with his shoulder. “What was that?!”
“Listen–”
“I understand that you’re trying to help them move on, but they need to grieve first. It’s only natural.” Silver didn’t even turn around to speak. “But they’ll starve before they do…”
“Well it’s not the same for everypony, Blitz.”
“It should be.”
I had to break this tension. “Guys, we can’t be–”
“And what will you do if the world shatters around you?” Silver Tongue cut me off again. Was I even there with them? I couldn't even get a word in edgewise.
“It won’t.” Blitz’s pupils flared like dead television static.
Silver nodded quietly before stepping out onto the street. I just stared at the patchwork pegasus following him. I couldn’t give him anything. All I could do was hope for him.
I joined my friends out on the street. It was snowing. The type with massive lumpy snowflakes that floated down to greet your muzzle with a cold boop. Strangely enough, it always warmed my heart a little. Like a brother.
A brother with a hoofball bat.
Snow gusts wisped across the bank as wind smacked against my face. I tucked into my jacket’s collar, as did Blitz into his own, just trying to escape the cold assault on our faces. Silver squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop shivering, his teeth chattering at each whip of air against his body. The blood in my hooves retreated as the temperature continued to dive down.
Instinctively, I dropped my armor rig in the snow and removed my jacket, leaving me my sweater, and swaddled it around Silver. His skin was cold to the touch. His pupils were massive, shaking, startled and confused.
I reached into my saddlebags, feeling past the smooth shell of the Moonlight for something more unnatural. Uneven bumps greeted my touch. I pulled out the small artifact, its appearance like smoked glass with deep purple liquid dripping out of its container to grab my hoof.
The artifact didn’t even resist being twisted in half. I placed one half on Silver’s collarbone, the liquid sinking into his spotted white coat like claws. The glass gave off a soft yellow fluorescent glow. I zipped up his jacket and turned to Blitz. He took a tiny step back when I offered the other half to him.
He shook his head, looking at the artifact. I stepped closer and softly wrapped a hoof around his neck. Blitz jumped slightly but relaxed at my eye contact. Freezing to death was too painful for good ponies like him.
“The stalkers and mutants might kill you, but the weather will.”
Blitz glanced at Silver Tongue who was now rubbing his temples and groaning, but no longer shivering. He creeped over to me, and I placed the artifact on him. He watched the glass glow and titled his head. “It’s warm… Wait, what about you?”
I chuckled as I zipped up my maroon turtleneck. “You finally get to know why I’m fluffier than most.”
“Ugh…”
“Just relax for a second, Silver.” I popped my rig back on and tightened the straps. “Shock isn't fun.”
“I think I’m going to puke.”
“‘No need to piss in the snow’ .” Blitz gave air quotations with his wings.
Silver rolled his eyes. “Wildcard, just tell me it won’t take too long to get to this next… city? Station? I don’t know what you guys call it.”
“Either works.”
“Okay, so how long?”
I whipped out my PDA and scanned the map. Little icons of anomalies and note boxes on mutant activity created a twisting path towards the station. Not too far, but the city always had a funny way of extending unwanted trips on the surface. “Maybe five to eight minutes if everything goes fine.”
“Excellent,” Blitz whined, scratching at his neck. “Then let’s go, because this thing—“
“Ember,” I cut him off.
“—this Ember itches.”
======= ☢ =======
Minutes was an understatement. It took an hour by my watch. An hour down still, silent streets. An hour squeezing between the tight alleyways and rubble. Through apartments that appeared more forgotten than abandoned. Every home was roughly the same, with missing cooking appliances and record players, but the little foals’ toys still remained to collect dust. Mail untouched on tabletops, neatly stacked, waiting for postage. I would never open them, but I still heard their voices. Love letters to ponies I’ll never meet.
“You coming?”
I snapped out of my daze, turning towards Silver and Blitz. It would be a lie to say it wasn't a little embarrassing zoning out there. “Yeah… sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Silver walked up to the table and glanced at the stack of letters. “What’s in them?”
“I don’t really know, but… I think that’s why I care.”
“And if you knew?”
“He might be disappointed,” Blitz chuckled. He was looking out of the room’s smashed wall with his rifle scope.
Silver sighed. “So?”
“I already know how it ends,” I surmised, narrowing my gaze. “Nothing I can do about that.”
“And if you could?”
“Should I?” I sauntered past him to glance out at the stories below before sliding down the snow bank to street level. Blitz and Silver followed.
“Enough with the fucking philosophy, Wildcard. We just need your help to find the Dragon’s–”
“Do I really need to repeat myself?” I grit my teeth.
“Well, think about the lives we’ll be saving.”
“Think about the lives we’ll be ending.”
“I-” Silver took a deep breath and scowled. “I don't know how you can drown yourself in all this self-righteousness. Red Eye is conquering the wasteland, forcing everypony that’s left to work and work and work until they die! It’s cruel. It’s unnecessary.”
“We’ve had this conversation before.”
“Then you know what both of us want. They’ll be safe with this.”
I let out a long sigh. “Everyone knows how that ended last time.”
“The wasteland needs this.”
I shoved Silver back a little. “That’s a little egotistical, don’t you think? What if the world doesn’t want it, huh?”
“The world is already bent out of shape! Most ponies can’t even see that nowadays without being on the other end of a barrel. We can help them. Do you really want to wait for permission?”
“No…” I took a few steps forward and stopped. My soul felt like it was trying to burst out of my chest. Silver Tongue was right. He always was, but… I just couldn’t.
“Look, we've been up here for a long time. It’s prob–”
“I can’t.” I cut off Blitz.
They both looked at each other and raised a brow.
“I can’t. I-I just can’t. This plan you want to do is just– why do you even need proof that threatening everyone to play nice just doesn’t work? We’re sitting in the corpse of a society that believed the same thing!” I was seething through my teeth. Each exhale grew hotter and hotter. Each word was more sporadic than the last.
I swatted away Blitz’s vain attempt to console me with his hoof. What was he gonna do, put a tiny bandage on this massive divide?
What the fuck ever.
“And what did playing neutral do to this city?”
“I’m sorry,” I snapped curtly. “You don’t–”
“There is no moral high here. You can either be good or nice and I don’t think kindness is going to work, but tell me, has it worked for you yet?”
“Guys! Stop comparing dick lengths,” Blitz hollered. “This conflict right here is wasting time. If both of you want to save lives then stop acting like fillies fighting over a toy and make a damn choice!”
I tried to speak my mind again, but shut my mouth after another scolding gaze from the medic. Silver’s eyes went wide. He set his lips into a thin line and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Wildcard. It was wrong for me to go off on you like that.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
Blitz groaned. “We’re still just standing around in this snow ditch, can we move on please?”
Silver simply glanced at him before softly nuzzling into his collar shirt, shutting his eyes for a moment. Blitz bowed his head. “I've been dreaming about this moment for years. Not exactly like this, but this is the closest we’ve gotten. We can’t throw this away.”
“There’s nothing you wouldn’t give for this, huh?”
“Yeah. I learned that from you.” Silver tilted his stare up at me.
I bit my lip. That physically took me aback. He was adamant, but, then again, so was I.
I could barely stutter out the words. “Don’t make this mistake. You’ll just make more ponies like you.”
“This isn’t some fairytale, Wildcard.” He turned away. “Not everypony deserves a happy ending.”
“Trust me. That isn’t being a hero. That’s being an executioner.”
Blitz was scrambling to pull up his rifle. Was I that much of a threat? But the answer was actually a shaky knife’s edge a hair away from my throat, literally.
“You guys are fuck’n loud.” The stallion pressed his blade a little tighter to my throat, drawing blood. “So which one of you is going to being stupid and try me?”
Silver slid out his submachine gun and aimed it at me. Blitz was scanning the rest of the buildings. The stalker behind me was amused. “Don’t even try. You wouldn’t find them.”
“Okay, then let’s talk,” Silver gruffed out from behind his trigger.
The stalker pointed his knife at Blitz. “I want his—“
Brrrt
I fell to the ground, shiny nicks and scratches on my shoulder plate. It stung like hell. The stallion was cut down, leaking blood from his neck to his chest. His eyes stared dully at me. Silver shook his head before bolting to the cover of a turned-over pile of sky carriages. Blitz flew after him.
Z I P
The snow kicked and exploded as lead whizzed and dinged around me. I threw myself into a gallop towards my friends, sliding into cover. “You couldn’t help but hit me, eh?”
Silver blindly fired over the cover, then ducked back down as wood chips showered over him. “Sorry. I’m not a great shot under pressure!”
“Can we maybe discuss this later?”
Blitz shouldered the massive rifle and slid his hoof into the oversized trigger guard. In one quick motion, he launched himself into the air, squeezing off a shot at the building in front, letting the recoil spin him backwards almost a complete rotation before landing next to us. The bullet tore through the air, crashing like thunder, punching through the building. Chunks of rubble cracked off and fell to the ground. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the round had smashed through the wall behind it and kept going.
A light went off in my head. The idea almost humored me. “Okay, fuck these Loners. Silver, stay close to me. Blitz… do what you do best.”
The pegasus snickered. He knew exactly what I wanted. He kicked off the cover and sped at the building, bobbing and spinning as he edged closer. I galloped across the street as fast as I could. I could only hope Silver wasn’t too far behind.
Then… everything went to shit.
I heard it before I saw it. Well, I didn’t hear anything, exactly. All sound died away, then I saw it. All the light of the world contracted away into a single point above before exploding into a ringing cacophony of blinding lights. The sky was on fire.
“Shit!” I shouldered my way into the nearest building. It was a small store filled with empty shelves, but it wouldn’t be enough. Not even remotely close. Blitz rolled through the doorway, hyperventilating. That was very understandable.
“We need to keep moving!” I ran into the backroom. We needed more cover. Another out. The paint chips on the floor began to rise into the air. I couldn’t tell if they were shaking, or the world was.
“What do we do?!”
I stared at Blitz. He was tearing up.
“Don’t worry.”
“How can I not?”
“Just get in the corner, both of you!”
I didn’t want to argue about this and I didn’t need to. They sat in the corner tucking their heads into their chests. I huddled them a little closer together, taking out my Moonlight. The light inside burned brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding. I released it into the air then grabbed my knife. This had to work. I slammed my knife into the artifact, cracking the shell. Gas leaked from it, blacking out the room until only the dull glow of the Moonlight remained.
I wrapped my hooves around the others and closed my eyes to pray to no deity in particular, but to anyone that would listen. I didn’t want them to die, nor me. It wasn’t in my hooves anymore.
Objects crashed, crushed, and pinged off the walls echoing into the shroud around us. One whizzed right past my ear, brushing my fur. Silver’s yelp hit my heart. Blitz’s crying tore it out.
Only a little longer. Please, only just be a little longer.
The rumbling creeped to a halt. Silver was still shaking. I reached for the Moonlight, and for the first time, touched its gel-like interior. All the darkness retreated back into the cracks of the orb. The area was a calamity of a mess.
“Silver?”
A chunk of rebar was sticking out of his bicep, blood soaking all over him. I hastily removed my jacket from around him and Blitz began opening his bags.
“Just trust me, okay?” The pegasus clapped his hooves together.
Silver Tongue nodded.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.
“No, just keep watch.”
The answer bugged me, but what was I gonna do? I tried to watch out the doorway with my rifle. To keep my eyes peeled for movement in the chaotic mess in the next room, but… Fuck. All this thinking was making my aim waiver.
Blitz tenderly peeled back the area around the rebar. Silver shifted on his hindlegs at each light touch.
“Shit…”
“Just get it out!”
“That’ll make this so much worse. You sure you want me to do that?” Silver groaned at Blitz’s comment. I couldn’t tell if it was in defeat or pain.
C R A C K
I snapped back to the front room. A single stalker almost tripped into the building. Their head hung limply to the ground, swaying side to side with each step. They were a pincushion of glass and debris. The stalker’s neck crack made me step back. Their eyes were completely white. I knew that look.
I squeezed off a small burst into the pony’s head. Whoever they were, they were already dead. Nothing more than a lifeless wandering corpse.
I couldn’t describe Silver’s scream as Blitz kicked the rebar free from the wall. It was blood-curdling and sickly. Like a cattle being led to slaughter for the rest of a station. At least he was free from the wall. Blitz injected him with a syringe, and tightened a tourniquet above the wound. He helped Silver clumsily get up to his healthy hooves before loading him onto his back.
“He’s stable, but I can’t take that out here.”
“Eh, this is almost as bad as that time that slaver snapped my femur in half like dry pasta. Almost.”
The outside sky was burnt beige; the snowflakes like ashes raining down. It was silent. The type that screams in your head. White noise, more terrifying than gunfire.
“Is it clear?”
“I’m gonna be honest,” I scanned the buildings to the right, “I don’t think anything else is alive.”
“Okay, okay…” Blitz took a deep breath. “What the FUCK was all that?!”
“What was…?”
“The sky fucking imploded!”
“Shit.”
Blitz melted. “What now? Don’t tell me you got hurt too.”
“The map is useless.”
“How the fuck can that be?”
“When the sky imploded , It shuffled around all the anomalous zones in the area.”
Blitz rolled his eyes. “How can you even live here? Everything's just made to kill you.”
“But we survived. Gotta be a little prideful in that.”
“And what about… that ?” He gestured to my saddlebags.
I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Oh, the Moonlight? It just absorbed all the light in the area.”
“Wait…”
“To be honest, my friend, I thought it was our end. Just tried my best to make us a little more comfortable if that was it.”
“You know, maybe give us a heads up next time before we’re about to die,” Blitz sighed.
“Just relax, take care of Silver, and stick close to me.”
My iron sights firmly lead us up the street, towards where the hidden gunfire came from. I hugged as close as I could to the buildings, slowly creeping past the hollow rooms, searching for motion. Only a few more blocks to Sunlight Station.
My bracer beeped out a slow, steady pulse. I stopped, letting my rifle rest on my back before grabbing a hoofful of bolts, and whipped them ahead. They sailed through the air until an invisible force quickly punched them into the wall of the building, its foundation cracked.
“You need to get me one of those,” Silver weakly chuckled.
“You need a hospital. Now shut the fuck up.”
“I missed you,” he groaned out.
I couldn’t help but smile a little. “Go scout ahead. I’ll carry him.”
Blitz nodded and slid him onto my back before launching forward into the air. Silver Tongue sighed.
“I’m sorry about before. I—“
“Like I said, it’s fine.” I rolled my eyes.
“Then… what did you mean I’d ‘make more ponies like me’?”
“Remember that small settlement near the coast we cleaned of Red Eye shit a few months ago?”
“Yeah?”
“Remember the firefight in the tavern? The brilliant young stallion that we ‘saved’ from that slaver?”
“Happy Hour?”
I nodded. “After we killed his dad and destroyed their supply lines, he had nowhere to turn but raiding. He was a monster of our own creation, but I can’t blame him. How else was he gonna feed the town?”
“I see where you’re going with this.”
“You say you do but you don’t.”
“This is always going to be your argument. The same song and dance, but Happy Hour… what happened to him?”
I chose to remain quiet. He’d know regardless if I answered or not.
“I see. What guarantees loyalty in a wasteland? What stops ponies from just fighting each other?”
“Culture. Family.”
He sighed again. “For some, but not everypony. Not even for you. I know you’re afraid of me becoming this monster but what you want is a little too idealistic.”
“How so?”
“For example, would you stop the slaves from placing those above them into slavery themselves? Repeating the same cycle? Like you said: ‘create more ponies like me’? What stopped any of those slavers from just walking away? How would you give out retribution?”
“I’d give out justice,” I was firm with my words.
“What’s the difference?”
“I…” I felt a nervous chill roll up my throat.
“Look, you and the rest of the wasteland may hate me for this, but at least you’ll be alive to hate me. If that’s what it takes then hate me. I want you to be a part of this, but if you can't it’s okay. Just let us do this.”
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. I know it was selfish, but I wouldn’t let him. I wouldn’t let any of them do this. I might not know what justice is but it wasn’t this.
“It’s okay.”
Blitz glided down in front of us, touching me with a wing. He didn’t hide his worry.
“Somepony is hurt.”
It didn’t quite click in my head at first. My first thought was of Silver. No shit, he was hurt. Anypony near the Emission, probably, was killed. I don’t think anything could survive direct exposure to that anomaly. Well, I’ve never heard of one. Could they survive?
The thoughts tongue-tied me. Blitz had been staring at me, unblinking, the whole time.
“What should we do?”
“You said hurt, right? Let’s see how bad it is.”
I followed after him, trying my best to gallop without hurting Silver too much. His periodic gasps and winces made my heart sting.
It didn’t take too long to find the poor stalker.
Trapped under a pile of rubble in the street, steel pierced into their striped torso. His only free hoof had dug a hole into the snow towards the safety of the underground, only a few hoofsteps away. His gasps were sporadic and sharp. His bloodshot eyes were pleading with every painful hiccup.
“Think you can stand on your own for a bit?”
“Yeah.” Silver Tongue rolled onto his hooves.
“Wildcard, I don’t—“
I ignored Blitz’s comment. We had to at least try before giving up. “Hey. What’s your name?”
“I-I don’t know? I don’t…”
“Don’t worry about it. Blitz, stim me.”
He sighed and tossed a syringe to me. I injected the liquid into his chest through his jacket. His patchless jacket. Another Loner?
“How’d you get here?”
“Some friends told me this was a great place to find artifacts.” The stalker paused after each word to spit up blood.
“You little shit,” Silver snarled.
“Settle down, we don't know that.”
“And you’re sure he wasn’t?”
Silver might be right, but that wasn’t enough for me. The stones on top of him were probably light enough for two ponies to lift. Even with Blitz’s strength it should be fine.
The stalker shuddered and tried to flail around. Reality must have finally punched in. “I-I shouldn't be here.”
“Hey, relax. We are here.” Blitz finally slid over to my side.
I’d never forget that look. Like I could see the universe in his eyes. The dread of knowing what comes next. The same eyes as… Amani.
“I’m scared.” He stared straight at me. It froze me.
Blitz shook his head in the corner of my eye. I could hear Silver hobbling behind me, dragging his hooves through the snow. He sighed.
B A N G
The snow around the stalker’s head sparkled like rubies. His gaze was locked up at the sky; still afraid.
“Wildcard,” Silver nudged me with a warm gun barrel. “No need to make him suffer anymore. It’d be cruel.”
I bit my tongue.
Blitz helped Silver onto his back. I couldn’t help but stare at the zebra. A wing patted me on the back.
“Let’s go.”
“Yeah…” My thoughts drifted to— stop. Breathe. Just breathe…
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
Why can’t I stop thinking? It’ll pass… spirits, I hope it passes.
I galloped up to the other two waiting at the entrance to the station. The snow thinned as we descended down the dead escalators back into the womb of the city. At the bottom was a towering hermetic door. I walked up to the small panel next to it. Broken lights and buttons, but no one actually uses that shit. I held down the big button and spoke into the built-in microphone.
“Eclipse.”
The door squeaked and yawned as the hydraulics pushed it up. Sandbag piles, gun barrels, and a gem spotlight blinding us.
“A Ranger, huh?” A pony wrapped in red and golden colors stepped out from behind the light. I could feel the salt through his teeth. “Neat.”
Another stammered. “Hurry up, y'all trying to heat the block? Customs just ahead.”
We strolled past the five ponies guarding the entrance as they locked the door again with a simple push of a button. All of them spat on the floor as I walked past.
Fuck’n assholes.
The office smelled like vinegar and piss, but at least the room looked visually appealing. Murals of a single towering white alicorn, the sun shining behind her like a halo, with other ponies bowing to her. I glanced away from the pretentious fucks over to the few ponies conversing across steel tables. Items being cleaned and inspected for trade. At the end of the row, Dusk was guiding the others in the group through how customs worked.
“Thank you, ma’am.” That was the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on an employee.
Dusk replied with nothing more than a soft grin while Sea Mist shied behind Gage, rubbing the top of her pipbuck. The big griffon patted her head. Honey Tea just looked like she wanted to kill somepony… and I think the employee could tell.
“You guys are g-good to go!”
“Finally,” Honey groaned.
Silver waved as we got closer. “How’s everyone doing?”
“What the hell happened to you?”
He motioned to the length of rebar still in his foreleg, that the guards had pointedly ignored. “Got acquainted with the area.”
“Good one,” she laughed. “We’re all good to go, right?”
The pony behind the table nodded at Honey’s glare, waving everyone towards the door but me. She stopped me. “I’m going to need to search you, sir.”
Again with that fake-ass smile. “Random searches. I hope you understand.”
“Excuse me, but he’s with us,” Honey chimed in.
“Just let me do my job, ma’am.”
I put up a hoof to stop her from fighting back. The last thing I needed was more drama today. My mind was already holding on by a thread.
First came off my rifle, then my rig, jacket and saddlebags until only my sweater remained on me. The attendant didn’t even look at the items on the table, instead focusing on my last piece of clothing. They’re really searching for any reason to arrest somepony, eh? Well, anypony but Dusk. The daughter of the Order’s leader would be bad for political relations. A random member of the group though? Perfect pickings.
I slid out of the turtle neck and tossed it onto the table. She grinned as I spun around. It was the tattoo on my back. It’s what every fucking member of the Old Guard wanted. Better than finding contraband. Better than a Stripe sympathizer.
A real Hearthswarming gift for them. Any reason they needed to treat me any way they wanted to was right there: the zebra stripes on my back.
“That’s all. You’re free to go in.”
What? Why didn’t they do anything…?
I collected my things and walked over to the party. These fuckers were just trying to mess with me. There’s no way they didn’t know what my tattoo was. I didn’t like where this was going. Not one bit.
But when walking into the demon’s den, how could anyone like it?
Chapter Nine | The Voices of the Tunnels
Chapter Nine:
“Only nurakhus truly know where the lines between the living and spiritual fall.”
“You got a bandage?”
Dusk rolled her eyes and nudged Sea Mist, who sped off into my room. She and Hoarfrost stared at me as I was slowly creating a large pool of blood on the floor. “So when were you gonna tell me about the assassins, Hoarfrost?”
He sighed and walked over to the mare in black. “I did.”
“No you didn’t.”
“You’re dense, aren’t you?”
“Thanks,” I scoffed. “Now without the subtext.”
“I said before, ‘I hurt ponies.’ The Party doesn’t like what I’m doing. You’re smart, Serenity. Put it together.” Hoarfrost rolled the mare onto her back to look at her face, bruised and battered. “Well, looks like the Party is getting serious.”
“What do you mean?” Dusk trotted over to him.
“Look at that stable dweller, the cowboy, and then this one. No patches, not even a passport on their person.”
“She’s a Morale agent.”
“Bingo.” Hoarfrost’s quieter tone was laced with a pulsing pain.
“Wait.” Dusk pressed her ear up to the mare’s chest then glanced over to me. “Why is she alive? Is the cowboy too?!”
“Yeah.”
“Serenity, they were here to kill us! Why didn’t you… no– don’t tell me you’ve gone soft,” she groaned.
Sea Mist finally returned with all my gear and brought it over to me. I started patching myself up.
“Listen, I’m not soft. I just– violence should be a last resort, not a first one.”
“They wouldn’t agree.” She pointed at the bodies.
“I don’t care what they think. It's the right thing to do.”
Sea Mist smiled when I looked over to her before she finished up dressing my wounds.
Dusk bumped Hoarfrost with a wing. “Get your stuff, we have to go.”
He didn’t protest and quickly galloped off. Dusk sighed. “You’ve killed ponies before, Serenity. Most folks have. There’s nothing wrong with protecting the world with a rifle in one hoof and a blade in the other. Some people only unders–”
“Shut up,” I butted in. “Everyone mistakes their lust for retribution as justice. I thought that too until yesterday.”
“What’s wrong with that?!” she exploded, causing Sea Mist to cower behind me. “You ain’t protecting others by offering cupcakes and hugs! They get what they deserve.”
Had I really changed that much? Were the childhood bedtime stories about loving each other a lie, or did the world become so nihilistic? It was hard to swallow. Maybe we can be judge and jury… but executioner? What gives us the right? I don’t know. So why should we have the power? It all sounded esoteric. A game created by children.
“Are you listening?” Dusk had gotten in my face while I was in my own head. “Someone has to do the dirty work. To stop that evil–”
“I’m not some damn angel with a shotgun!” She recoiled as I screamed in her face. I took a deep breath. “I wasn’t sent down to decide who lives and dies. That easy route doesn’t help anyone. Just creates more problems for others… like Cider.”
“But–” she tried to cut me off, but I continued.
“At that point, would it be wrong for them to want retribution after what you’ve done? Who is more justified?! This is life, not some damn Western. You don’t get to shoot someone and walk off into the sunset… Look, I am no angel and I am not here to save you, or anyone.”
I greedily sucked in air in a vain attempt to calm my rage. “Sorry… but most of these ‘saviors and heroes’ believe life is something to be protected, and not shared. That’s fucked up, and Amani knew it.”
Dusk bit her tongue. I wanted to apologize for yelling, but she needed to listen. Whether she’d understand was a different gamble. Hoarfrost had been standing in the hallway, frozen like ice, probably understanding why I was mad yesterday. That was good.
I walked over to the kitchen counters to finally drink my cup of water and pack my journal away. I hated the quiet that infected the air. That kind of awkward quiet after a fight. As I walked over to the door and gestured to them to follow, my grandmother’s words slipped out of my mouth. “It doesn’t matter what the public may see us as. We are what we do in the dark.”
======= ☢ =======
More checkpoints and tunnels, enough that just the mere thought of walking longer buckled more invisible weight on my hooves. It had been an hour since we left Amity; most of us were tired and irritated. Luckily, it didn’t take much to convince Hoarfrost to change our route to Friendship station, but of course that meant it’d take a bit longer to get there. No more Old Guard controlled stations for anyone, not with the target on the chairpone’s flank. So we headed out the east exit instead of the north to throw off any followers.
“So what’s… Apathy station like?” Hoarfrost chimed out from behind.
“It’s not Apathy– that’s just what the Old Guard renamed it. Its name is Evergreen. The whole station was built under a massive garden, so you can understand why.”
His voice wavered a little. “And the Stripes control this?”
“Pfff, don’t be nervous. These were some of the nicest zebras I’ve ever met.”
“Five years ago.” Dusk chuckled.
“Can’t have changed— actually, not gonna jinx it.”
“That’s the smartest thing you’ve said today.” I tried my best to brush off her comment.
A flash beam blinded us from up ahead, followed by the sounds of guns being cocked. I put a hoof up and squinted to look past the light. All I got was a few shadows, one of which walked straight up to me and jabbed their rifle barrel into my chest, causing my fresh scars to burn. I was met with the end of his barrel when I tried to get up.
“Who the hell are you?” They said, strongly emphasizing each word.
“Travelers.”
“Raven?” the zebra called out behind them. Some information was passed nonverbally, causing them to snicker. “Alright ‘travelers’ , looks like the spirits want you for questioning. Get up.”
We marched past the station’s sentry-protected entrance: a large garage door opened with chains. The black and white striped logo of the faction was presented proudly in the center. Zebras, young and old, stopped whatever they were doing to watch us pass. Compared to Sunlight and Amity, the station was modest, yet detailed. Buildings clearly followed a template here. Homes were all the same size, none higher than two stories. Businesses took over the food court area. Sea Mist was in awe at the Hayburger that had been replaced with an alchemy shop whose front was covered with multicolored elixirs, hoof-written grimoires, and colts trying on some beautifully detailed, flat, rolled up, round-topped hats. Each store after was just as tidy and colorfully vibrant. Hoarfrost was smiling just as much as Blue, but yet… I swear there was a twinge of envy under his expression.
Dusk was fidgeting just behind me, all of that visible uncomfortableness colliding into a question, “Sorry, but why didn’t you disarm us?”
“Oh, stalker… Raven told us you wouldn’t try anything.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry, you can ask her yourself later.” The zebra chuckled.
We were quickly hustled into a meeting hall of sorts, like cattle into a pen. Our armed guides locked the entrance before leading us further in. I was wrong in calling it a meeting hall; it was a cathedral. My dad or nana would be the ones visiting these kinds of places while I’d waited outside with Amani. I really wish I would’ve snuck in now. Candles illuminated colored glass windows constructed from different broken shards, repurposed into something new. Something beautiful. At the end was a candlelit altar on a large stage, not like ones made for dead loved ones or the princesses of old, but instead to the Zone itself. To the spirits artistically drawn on banners hanging from the ceiling. Out of the seven, only one was too abstract in style to appear as anything more than scribbles: The Great Spirit. The others, Chaos, Order, Magic, Hope, Love, and Retribution, mostly had images that were more than just lines. An apple, skull, book, dreamcatcher, stars, and cards respectively.
One of the guards broke my thoughts. “Nice of you to feign interest in our culture, but it’s not gonna help.”
“It’s mine too, jackass.”
He chuckled. “Good one.”
I just stared at him even after he stopped. Tried my best to make him uncomfortable by looking through him. He shuffled on his hooves. Direct eye contact bugs everyone out. I should know, because I hate it.
“So,” a mare said as she stepped out from a door on stage. “Travelers … I’ll ask this once. Why are you here?”
“I’m sorry mi—“
“No, no, no.” She commanded the room even when cutting Hoarfrost off. Her face was turned from us, as she seemed more focused on lighting a candle for the altar. “I want it from the girl.”
Sea Mist immediately gave me a worried look. My heart felt hollow as all I could do was mouth ‘you’re fine ’ followed by a half-hearted smile. Cautiously, as if afraid to crack the ground at her hooves, she creeped up to the front of the party.
“We’re trying to get to F-Friendship Station.” Blue stuttered out.
“Hmmm,” The mare finally turned around. The stripes on her face appeared to form a heart from her eyes to her top of her muzzle. “Okay, but I’m still curious. Why are you here?”
“I don’t kno—“
“Stable 11 doesn’t exist,” she cut Sea Mist off coldly. “Birch.”
“Yes, nurakhu.”
“Search ‘em.”
Birch’s words bounced around my head. Nurakhu … Nura— it had been a while since I had spoken that tongue, but I was pretty sure nura meant shaman… oh shit.
As Birch pulled off my gear, he paused and stared at my bare, tattooed back, mortified with disgust. The sharp muzzle of his pistol rested against my head. “Who the fuck are you, pony ?”
“Serenity.”
“You act like that means something,” he spat.
I felt the nurakhu walk up behind me. “His name doesn’t, but his family does… if he’s telling the truth.”
Something was poured down my back, burning every nerve on the way down to my tail. I didn’t hold back my scream. Sea Mist covered her ears while one of the guards tried to hold back Dusk. I didn’t even see Hoarfrost before dropping to the ground. My muscles refused to listen, instead writhing around. By the time the pain stopped I was left gasping for air.
“Holy spirit … it’s real.”
“Nurakhu, what do you mean?” I heard Birch ask between the pounding in my ears.
“The ink is magic-laced. He’s telling the truth, but I expected him to be stripier.”
“What did you pour on him?!” Dusk hollered.
Birch helped me to my hooves. “I’m sorry, stalker, but we have rules that keep us alive.”
“What was it?” she snarled.
“It was a mix that removes all foreign additions to the body, except magical ones.” The nurakhu picked my chin up and looked me in the eyes. As she studied mine, I already knew what was gonna be in hers. Regre– No. That wasn’t remorse in the nurakhu’s eyes, but a surgical lack of it. She turned to Dusk and sighed. “Are you aware your friend is like me?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I interjected.
She waved off most of the guards, except Birch and Raven. As soon as they left, the mare sighed and sat down in front of me. “Who gave you the tattoo?”
“My nana.”
“And you wanted that?” She tilted her head.
“Out of respect for my brother, yeah.”
‘You are aware that you aren’t real ‘brothers’.”
I tightened my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re… you’re a pony and he’s a zebra, I don’t see how–”
“I don’t see the issue with that.” I snapped back.
“Fine, I tried to be nice but I guess you're just stubborn,” The nurakhu cracked her neck and took a long breath. “The role of nurakhu is passed down through family. You have none.”
“I have a family.”
“Yeah? But where are you really from?”
I bit my tongue.
“I’m sorry but that’s not your real family.”
“It’s real to me.” My rage was seething out of my teeth, my tone darkening. “And if I’m a nurakhu now… then I’ll do it for him.”
“You’re lucky, pony. You’re lucky he was the best of all of us.” She stood and rushed out of the cathedral, steaming.
Raven, a mare smaller than Sea Mist, with beautiful long braids, grinned at me and made a few rhythmic gestures with her hooves. After she finished, I was left confused until Birch tapped me on the shoulder. “She said, ‘Sorry for how Hope treated you. Welcome home, Child of the Stars.’”
“You sign?” I raised a brow.
“I’m a CODA.”
I nodded. “Oh.”
Raven signed again, while watching my lips, which Birch continued to interpret. “Ummm… I’m guessing you were kept separate from Amani’s path, right? I have to apologize again if this isn’t what you wanted or aren’t prepared for.”
“How can anyone be?”
“Yeah.” Her body lightly bounced to a soundless chuckle. “This is a path you have to enter alone, but I’m sure the Chairpone can discuss with Hope about the constant bomb threats from Amity Station in a bit. The stalker is free to do as she pleases, but I’d like to see the stable dweller’s time spell.”
“How… do you know all that?” I was taken aback.
“Each nurakhu is– how would you put it? Picked? I guess ‘favored’ works. Each nurakhu is favored by one of the spirits. Of course you may converse with more, but usually one or two actively show themselves. Mine was Chaos.” She paused not for dramatic effect but to rub her temples while choosing her next words to sign. “Chaos is… well, it's just life in its purest form. The Serpent visited me to play jokes and spin wild tales of the old world. Unlike others’ spirits, he focused on fun instead of a more serious agenda. Then, as a final joke, Chaos shows me the strings of the universe. I know things. Retribution appeared and was angry with the trickster’s joke. After that I never saw Chaos again. No one has in months.”
“You want me to cast my spell to see if Chaos… the spirit was lying, right?” Sea Mist stumbled out.
Raven nodded. I stopped Blue before she could get any closer. “Listen, before all this I just wanna ask one thing.”
“Your dreams… right?” The nurakhu grimaced. “I’m sorry, but those are for the nurakhu themself to analyze.”
“But the dreams mean I don’t get a choice?”
For a second time the mare nodded, but slower. I let Sea Mist walk up to Raven and place her hooves on theirs. Unintelligible voices whispered from the banners above, but it seemed only I could hear it. Sea Mist’s horn and eyes were engulfed in an amaranth glow before continuing into formless pale jade eyes. They stood there for one… two… three heartbeats before Blue’s spell faded.
Raven was crying, her face twisting into darker and deeper terror with each breath. Sea Mist wrapped her hooves tightly around the mare, trying to soothe her. Birch was frozen at the sight. I watched as both Hoarfrost and Dusk awkwardly slipped away while all this occurred. I could only hope they took the nurakhu’s advice on what to do.
“Blue?”
“She—“ Raven pulled Sea Mist closer before she could continue. The nurakhu shakingly signed and looked at Birch. It took him a moment to recompose himself.
“She’s just repeating: ‘It’s real. It’s real. It’s real…’ Wait.” The guard quickly became confused. “Wa—what?”
She signed the same thing again and again. “The world's a stage and we are all merely actors.”
“Blue, what did you see?” I asked.
She started rubbing the top of her pipbuck. “I d-don’t know how to explain it. Her future was much more solid. You and her head up to the garden, but… I don’t feel anything after that until you return. Like someone ripped a page out of a book.”
I blinked in astonishment.
“We mustn’t try Retribution,” Birch translated for Raven. “We need to go to the park above. You have to become nurakhu now. The play needs you to lead.”
“Fuck me,” I murmured as she led me through the back exit of the cathedral. Sea Mist gave a little wave goodbye before the door divided us.
There were no houses behind the building, not even a single zebra. One wide set of stairs and escalators rose to the surface above. The silence was filled with our hoofsteps and the quiet crackling of my bracer as we ascended to the station's real lobby.
Snow softly waltzed in from the smashed glass revolving doors to powder the floor with a flawless white carpet for hoofsteps to ruin. Luggage of various sizes had been next to chairs and walls, untouched long enough for the decay of the plastic exteriors to begin. Faded tickets and passes on water stained tables were everywhere. But what surprised me was a skeleton, slumped in one of the chairs. Most of the remains found up here were brought back to be mass buried, at least the ones not being gnawed on by mutants. These bones didn’t give off the impression of fear like many others, instead mild annoyance at one of the solari boards. My mind started running wild with possible stories.
How dare the end of the world stall their train? Didn’t they know how important this meeting was for their career? Maybe they couldn’t be bothered with even getting up to run from the radiation. Why would someone want to die tired? Where was there to go, anyway?
Raven brought me back to reality by tapping me on the shoulder, beckoning me to continue following her out of the lobby into the snow. My bracer instantly began crackling louder at the sight of the massive garden in front of us. Fields of anemones, their petals appearing like crystals against the faded light posts around them. The nurakhu led me across the twisting pathway towards the center, then sat down and closed her eyes, as if she was praying. I couldn’t help but look around, confused.
The wind chanted phrases to my bracer’s crackle, the air becoming a little thinner to breathe. The flowers gave off a sweet smell that probably was leftover magic from the bombs. I couldn’t place it, for the same reasons why I couldn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing.
“This is real spiritual and all, but shouldn’t we be concerned about the mutants…?” My bracer’s geiger counter was wavering just below the quarter point on its scale. “Or the radiation…? Hey!”
I shook the zebra but she ignored me. What a help she–
“Calm down. She’s knocking on the sky, or I guess you’d call it speaking with the dead,” a rough, firm voice called out from the fields.
What was behind, well… it was a skeletal… pony?… zebra? I don’t think it mattered what race. It was equine in nature, wrapped in a torn, beaten up duster and cowboy hat. Little bits of flesh, not rotten but no longer red, hung from different bones. The haunted pieces of someone.
“Do you mind not…? It’s unnerving.” I looked away as the being appeared to frown, the ground supernaturally rejecting every step he took forward. Cold mist chased their coat tails. “Thank you.”
He looked me in the eye, his relaxed movements making me feel small. The being stopped mere inches in front of me, towering over me and enwrapping me in his shadow. My body screamed to run as he studied me, like a predator would prey, before continuing. “What’s your worst memory?”
I hesitated a little too long for the being’s liking.
“Don’t lie… I’ll know,” he added.
“Why?”
“Why should you or why would you lie? Serenity, we both know the answer to that. You’ve lied your whole life, in the hopes that you’d convince yourself it’s the truth.” I was taken aback as his skull cracked into a wide smile. “That’s right… right?”
“Sure.”
“You are much easier to read than your brother–”
“And you already know the answers to your questions,” I cut in.
“And much angrier than him too,” he finished, unfazed.
“A lot of pomp and circumstance for someone I don’t even know the name of, don’t you think?”
The being snickered. “Studied and slick. If I had a heart, you’d’ve pierced it.”
“Enough with the jokes.” I glanced over to Raven, still praying in the field, before letting out a sigh. “She brought me here to become nurakhu and frankly, I don’t know what the fuck I’m even doing up here!”
t h u n k
A card stuck out of the dirt at my hooves. The being beckoned me to pick it up, while shuffling a stark-looking gray deck of cards in his own hooves. I plucked the gift out and turned it over: an upside down pony on a cliff.
“Sorry, but I don’t have time to decipher playing cards or whatever. Nor do I really give a shit.” He looked a little hurt as I tried to hand it back to him.
“Serenity,” the being sang quietly as I trotted over to Raven. “Serenity!”
“What?”
“Honestly, I didn’t expect you to be so dense, but that’s my fault. Look, you can either believe that your brain is slowly rotting away with each breath of radiation up here, or–”
“Accept that you're a spirit, right?” I finished his line.
The being tipped his hat. “What do you know of spirits?”
“Enough, but I still am lost on what I ‘need’ to be a nurakhu.”
“You’re already one,” he said curtly.
I lost the words to respond.
“There isn’t a trial or test. Certain bloodlines are gifted with the ability to speak with the Infinite. They’re trusted to make deals and guide others.”
I felt like an idiot. “That’s it, huh… then you’re…?”
“Too many names, most lost to time, but your culture would call me Retribution, the Dealer of Fate.” Retribution gave a little bow before continuing to shuffle his deck. “Your fellow nurakhu brought you here to smell the radiation of the flowers. They bring people closer to the lines of the spiritual. But she’s really here to see if Chaos will come back.”
“Will they?” I couldn’t help but raise a brow in interest.
“No. I put that serpent in… timeout.”
“I-I…” The words stuttered out of my mouth as I realized the power a being like Retribution must have to trap another spirit away. “I hope I didn’t try your patience.”
Retribution let out a hearty laugh. “Don’t worry. You’re not the first pony to adopt a playing card nickname I’ve had to deal with. I guess it’s an expected irony.”
“Then do you mind a question?”
“Sure, but every one after will cost you.”
I shuffled on my hooves. “So what did Chaos say about me?”
“Ask something else,” he shot back quickly.
“No.”
“I gave you a warning.”
It was nice of Retribution to worry about me, but I needed to know. “I’m aware.”
He shook his head. “All of you climb up to the Zone in hopes of gaining some solace, yet… ask for pain. Serenity, he said you are a hero. Chaos screamed it from the ruins and into every nurakhu that would listen.” The depressions in Retribution's eye sockets deepened as he gazed at Raven. “He brought hope to hurt others, just to laugh.”
“That was the last joke he told Raven? Why…? Where’s the humor in that?! Why do that?” I pleaded to the spirit.
He turned to the flowers. “Every joke needs a punchline, just like every story needs a hero. That was his final joke: Make someone believe they matter, or… make others believe they do.”
I couldn’t help but cry. To be honest, I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I couldn’t be what others wanted me to be. Or maybe it was that deep down I wanted to be a hero. Be filled with warmth and love, helping others. A feeling of recognition that was stolen from me before I even knew I wanted it. Replaced with the hollowing twisting emptiness in my gut.
“Why would a spirit care about what Chaos does?” I said, rubbing my eyes like a filly.
“I don’t. He was just doing my job.”
“T-then why did you speak in my ear? Call me home? Why did you help me?” I took in deep breaths and tried to recompose myself.
“I didn’t.”
“Then who?”
“What are you willing to give to know?” Retribution gave a devilish grin.
“Fuck you.”
“Awww… Serenity. It’s just a quid pro quo. I give you something, you give me something. For example…” He circled around me. “You’re not gonna change anything. Stopping those bombs, as much a good deed you think it may be, won’t do anything. Red Eye dies, Fillydelphia burns. And you… hehehe… you will have so much blood on your hooves, you will wade in it. That's the role.” His sincerity twisted into an impossibly wide grin. “I can change the world, like you always wanted to, only on a scale that matters. You could be a part of that too… if you want.”
We locked stares. The dark pits where his eyes would’ve been physically sickened me. The shady curves of the skull seemed to express a dark freedom he had. The freedom to be above it all: any and all laws, basic rights of others, and even his own crimes. I understood why they called him the Dealer of Fate in that singular moment. He was a hero, in his own eyes. Protecting his beliefs, no matter how tainted or fictionalized, from the truth of others. It was the look of a self righteous beast.
“I’m good,” I answered coldly.
Retribution sighed as Raven was getting up. “Well, you’ll be back. Everyone comes back… eventually.”
I blinked and he was gone.
======= ☢ =======
Raven tried to comfort me on the way back home, down to the tunnels. She knew I had talked to a spirit, but I was sure not to reveal who. I could only rip myself apart deciding if the hope that Chaos gave her and others was worth it to keep… or if I had the heart to make that hope vanish. I kept quiet until we returned back to the cathedral, where everyone was waiting for us.
“So, you can guarantee no more pain will come to the Stripes?” Hope asked Hoarfrost.
“Yes nurakhu, I promise with my life.”
I snickered. “A little dramatic, don’t you think?”
“This is why we don’t let you talk. Right, Dusk?” Hoarfrost smiled.
Dusk nodded, pulling Sea Mist closer to her to make her do the same. Blue pushed away with a pout. Hope ignored all of it and looked me directly in the eyes. “Who came, pony?”
“Well… no one good.”
“Just tell me.”
“Retribution.” I let out quietly.
She didn’t flinch like Raven did. Instead Hope trotted over to the altar and sat down in front of it, pulling out of a hoofful of dust she shook over the candles in the process.
“I'm glad you didn’t take his offer, but,” the nurakhu sighed. “You need to leave.”
“But we just got here?” Dusk objected.
“Fate follows hi–”
“So did my brother,” I cut her off.
She turned her head to glare. “And what happened to Seventeen?”
I frowned as Hoarfrost started pushing us out of the door, rambling about us needing to go. Before I left the cathedral, I couldn’t help but turn around. “How did you know?”
“The spirit in your eyes told me.”
“What do you mean?” I felt stupid even asking the question.
“The guilt. The guilt gave you away.”
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