Chuck Baleigh Goes to Ponyville (Read: "Mistake")

Author's Note: Fair warning, if you hate a main character that speaks in all caps, turn back now.----------------------------

Chuck Baleigh Goes to Ponyville

Written By: Chuck Baleigh

Once again, Ponyville bathed in fresh, warm sunlight. The day was like any other one that wasn't messed up by some kind of disaster (which seemed to happen a lot, for some reason). Foals laughed and played. Vendors sold their goods. Ponies in love took advantage of the fresh spring day to have picnics. To sum up, it was just a nice day.

Twilight stood in thought, trying to remember what else she needed from the market. How odd that the most organized unicorn in Ponyville had forgotten her list. Oh well. Brainpower and memory was also this pony's forte, so it shouldn't be hard to remember what was missing, right? Well, maybe it would be if that list stretched a couple yards, but it could be done!

"Come oooooon, Twilight! Can we just take a break and get lunch before we start trying to remember what we need?" Twilight's #1 assistant, Spike, moaned behind her. "I can't think on an empty stomach!"

"Just one more thing, Spike. We'll get something else from the list (if I remember anything) before we get lunch," Twilight assured him.

Spike groaned. "But Twilight, I'm starving! Besides, we haven't remembered anything else we need since we got more inkwells, and that was an hour ago! I told you we should've gone back to the library to get the list. Hey, maybe if we go back there, we can eat while we look for it!" He grinned at Twilight, hoping he might finally get something to eat.

Twilight put a hoof to her chin. It would be nice to have the list with them, and to get Spike to stop whining. Besides, she could also put away the things she already bought too. "Hmmm... eh, why not?"

"YES!" Spike jumped up on Twilight's back. "To the library, AWAY!"

Before Twilight could gallop like a trusty steed to the library, however, there was a large purple-pink glow in the sky. Not only did it catch the duo's attention, but the whole of Ponyville's as well. The glow continued to radiate in the sky, seemingly hypnotizing everypony who stared on at it. After a few moments, however, the glow subsided, and shrank down to a little ball in the market. Then, the ball popped, and what appeared to take its place was an odd two-legged creature. Everypony continued to gaze at what was once the purple-pink ball, scanning the creature of its features.

It wore a brown-red tattered business shirt, with a ripped white tie that had red and blue curves on what remained of it. Its right sleeve was ripped off to reveal an arm covered in what appeared to be boils, or maybe even miniature tumors. Its left sleeve had a cuff that was left open and loose. There were two buckles that were supposed to go over the shirt, but they were out of place, one hanging off the creature's leg, the other hanging behind its shirt.  Its long, brown pants looked almost flawless, except for a rip in the leg area. It wore black and white shoes, which looked undamaged.

The worst thing, however, was this creature's face. It had a large mass that looked like it was growing off of its chin. It had long, black eyes, and a mouth that looked like it was permanently formed into a wide smile.

Before anypony could say or do anything, the creature grabbed two objects from its pockets. One, in his right hand, was gray, looked like it had a long tube at the front of it, a circular middle, and a brown curve at the end of it. The other, in his left hand, was a small, black device, with little holes in it and a button on its side. The creature pressed down on the button and spoke into the device.

"YOU COCKBUMS DIDN'T USE DRUGS IN THE PORTAL DEVICE WHILE YOU BUILT IT, DID YOU?"

There was silence for a moment. Then, the little device squeaked and buzzed to life. Another voice rang out from it.

"No, sir. *cough* Why do you ask?"

The creature pressed the button on the side again. "WHY DOES CHUCK ASK? YOUR PORTAL WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE HIM TO AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION WITH PEOPLE TO SELL STUFF TO, RIGHT?"

The device put out the voice again. "Yes, sir. That was *cough* what was intended *cough* sir."

"WELL, IT SEEMS YOUR FUCKING DEVICE FAILED. IT SENT CHUCK TO A PLACE WHERE ONLY ACID TRIPS CAN TAKE YOU. THERE ARE ONLY A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUPID HORSES," the creature eyed Spike. In response, Spike shrunk behind Twilight. It continued, "AND APPARENTLY A GODDAMN DRAGON, WITH OVER-SIZED EYES AND STUPID FACES. HOLY SHIT, SOME OF THEM HAVE WINGS! AND HORNS!

"Sir *cough, cough*, are you referring to unicorns and pegasi? Those are mythical creatures. How are you seeing them, among *cough* horses and a dragon?"

"DON'T ASK CHUCK, DIPSHIT. THIS IS YOUR DEVICE. YOU SHOULD BE EXPLAINING TO CHUCK WHY HE'S SEEING THESE THINGS."

"I apologize *cough* sir."

"YOU BETTER BE. AS SOON AS CHUCK GETS BACK THERE-" Before the creature could finish, Twilight interrupted it, as everypony else stood frozen in fear.

"Um, excuse me, but, who are you? What are you? How did you get here?"

The creature looked down on Twilight, and for a moment, she regretted asking the beast the question. It stared at her, but she couldn't see its expression. Its face was hidden behind that soulless smile. After what seemed like an eternity, the creature, which Twilight deduced was named "Chuck", lifted the device it was talking into and spoke.

"HEY, THE STUPID HORSES CAN TALK. ALRIGHT MORONS, YOU GOT LUCKY THIS TIME. MAYBE THEY CAN BUY STUFF, TOO. BOY WOULD THAT REALLY HELP YOU. ANYWAYS, CHUCK'S GONNA GO NOW. HE'S GONNA SEE IF HE CAN NEGOTIATE WITH THESE STUPID THINGS."

Chuck put the device back in one of his pockets, but kept the other trinket in his right hand out. What was that thing, anyways? Twilight's thoughts were halted when Chuck stared directly at her, which sent chills down her spine. Those big black eyes felt like they were staring right into her soul. Right into her very essence.

"SO, YOU WANNA KNOW HOW CHUCK GOT HERE, HUH? YOU WANNA KNOW HIS BACKSTORY, DO YA?"

Twilight wasn't sure why, but she nodded in response to Chuck's questions, even though he seemed to be mocking her.

Without warning, Chuck grabbed Twilight by the neck, almost choking her. He lifted her up to eye level, as Spike fell off of her back. Ponies around gasped in fear and shock, but did nothing, still too afraid to move. Chuck, with Twilight in tow, walked over to a nearby bench, sat down, and put Twilight in his lap as he began stroking her mane.

"WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW WHO 'OL CHUCK IS, HE'LL EXPLAIN TO YOU BY STARTING OUT WITH WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER TODAY, BECAUSE HE'S NOT TELLING YOU A WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE STORY. INSTEAD, HE'LL START WITH A DRAMATIC OPENING OF HIS WONDERFUL FACTORY, AND IT'LL BE FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF ONE OF HIS WORKERS. THEN IT'LL GO TO WHAT HAPPENED TO CHUCK. YOU'RE FINE WITH THAT, RIGHT?"

Not wanting to risk angering Chuck, Twilight nodded slowly.

"GOOD. IF YOU WEREN'T OKAY WITH IT I'D RIP OFF THAT FUCKING HORN ON YOUR HEAD AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS."

With this thought in mind, Twilight gulped. It was then that Chuck started his story.