The Lunar Archives: Earth M.M

“YES!!! FINALLY SOME JEWNICORN STUFF! SHOW THEM WHO’S BOSS!”

Umm, Princess Luna… calm down, please? We can flex my Talmud knowledge after, but Starlight Glimmer will have my flank if I don’t finish the transcript for her School of Friendship. Can we continue?

***
The time that Mike and Twilight spent learning Talmud passed in a Dash, with other AI's that were modeled after Twilight's friends pitching in and helping out.

“So, Darling, what do you think?”, the hologram of Rarity asked Twilight while filing her own left hoof and blowing off some nonexistent hoof dust.

“Well, we are on Masechet Rosh Hashanah, and I find the concept of the Jewish calendar having not one, but FOUR days for the beginning of the year to be fascinating (Rosh Hashanah, 2a). Why does somepony need FOUR different new year days?

***

“Jewnicorn, FLEX thy knowledge for the crowd! WE KNOW thou knoweth the answer to this query!”
Ugh… good bucking grief… LUNA! Let Mike teach this Twilight variant something for once. I swear that if you keep interrupting I will go full time alicorn on you, no holds barred.

ANYWAYS…

***

“Well, the Mishna for this sugya says that the four different New Years have a distinct purpose. 1) The 1st of Tishri represents the creation of the world. 2) The 1st of Nisan represents the Exodus from Egypt. 3) The 1st of Elul for tithing, which we don’t do anymore because we are lacking a Temple. 4) And the 1st of Shevat for the trees, at least according to Beit Shammai. Beit Hillel, who most Jews hold by, considers the date to be the 15th of Shevat, rather than the first of the month. Make sense, Twily?”

“Yeah, I guess. That doesn’t answer why Jews only observe the 1st of Tishri as a holiday?”

“Actually, that isn’t true, Twilight.’ Celesti-AI pipes in, materializing as a hologram.

‘The 15th of Shevat remains a festive day among Jews to this day. They have turned it into a day for environmentalism and planting trees in Israel.”, projecting some file footage of the Zionist pioneers of the early 20th-century planting trees in the desert, making it bloom.

“WOAH! I think Fluttersh-AI would like this. She loves plants!” Twilight says with glee.

“Umm… yes, I do like them. It’s very pleasant… I-if that’s alright with you!”, she pipes in quietly before dissipating with an adorable, ‘Eep!’.

“New topic, Dad. What holiday is coming up? I remember you counting these days every night before putting me to sleep. What are you counting up to?”

“Well, these days are what’s called The Counting of the Omer. There are 7 weeks that we count towards the receiving of the Torah on Mount Sinai, and at the end of each week, we start our count with the number of weeks that has passed by. The last day is called Shavuot, which is the day that we receive the Torah and we celebrate with dancing, enough food to feed all of Equestria, and prayer.
In fact… I think I just described every Jewish holiday: Dancing, Food, and Torah. In fact, there’s a popular joke that we have: “Our holidays can be summarized in this way: They tried to kill us. They failed. Let’s eat!”
And speaking of eating… Mom?! ... Mom?! ... ‘Glittering Star’?! Is our food ready? I need to meet up with ‘Shy Tree’ for an assignment at the Library!”

“Heh, ‘Glittering Star’... It’s been forever since I’ve heard you call me by that name! And yes, food is ready.”

She brought up two daisy sandwiches, one with actual, edible daisies, the other with protein-based, daisy-shaped, patties.

"Eat up, daughter, because my mom is about to go to work on the Homo Equus project. Did I mention that she has unicorn human abilities? Yeah, that’s where my you-know-what comes from. Also, I need to get going, so this is the last time you'll eat until this evening."

To say that she was surprised at the contents of the sandwich was an understatement.

"I didn't know you had these! Why didn't you mention something?!"

"Well, unlike in the show, these things still aren't cheap, even though we're trying to lower the cost of living everywhere while not lowering the conditions of living. It helps that energy is getting cheaper and cheaper by the year through research, but still not enough… Ah snap, I'm going to be late! Bye, daughter! Keep an eye out, Pinkie P-AI!"

"Will do, boss! Have fun!"

"Pinkie…"

"Nevermind Pinkie, Mike. Get going!"

"Thanks, RA.Inbow!"

***

“AWW, Filly Twilight is so cute! Don’t thou agreeth with us, Jewnicorn?”

Yes… little children and fillies are very cute, indeed. Also, daisy sandwiches aren’t that bad…

***

“Shy Tree”, Mike’s pegasus human friend, is the sole human outside of his family who knows of Twilight Sparkle’s existence and who is willing to keep silent. He is enthralled and always makes sure to bring an ice cream bar whenever he comes over to Mike’s house.

Things got rather interesting during one visit, however, when President Tara Strong made an announcement on national TV regarding the Homo Equus project.

“My Little Ponies, and my fellow Americans. Today, I have exciting news regarding the Homo Equus Project and the eternal goal of enshrining Friendship into the human genome. According to the CDC, a pegasus human was born in San Francisco with the gift of flight! This proves that the development of Huqine DNA is moving along swimmingly, and current estimates suggest that within three generations, everypony in the United States will have the full abilities related to each tribe.”

The president shows footage of an infant peacefully floating in mid-air in the Ni-Q ward.

“WOAH! That’s so cool! I wonder if they will be able to modify my DNA to fly, too!” Shy Tree says, flipping his lid.

It was also around this time, approximately a year after Twilight arrived on Earth, that the 47th season of FiM aired. The showrunners must have been starting to run out of ideas because they rehashed a concept from the 5th season relating to Starlight Glimmer’s pony commune. This, along with the announcement above, ended up kickstarting a real-life equivalent political party that gained popularity but could never break into the mainstream.

Half a year after President Strong’s announcement, the FDA approved a drug that grandfathered these mutations in people born before they naturally occurred. Not everyone signed up for this treatment, but enough did for extremely high demand.
Mile-long lines appeared at massive depots for shots to get fully ponified. Within weeks, Bloomington already had people flying around and using their minds to control objects. Still not the same as “magic” per se, but it was a good step in the right direction. Full magical properties were still a century away, and that is a conservative estimate!

Mike felt bad (and at the same time, a bit relieved… Make that a lot) since Earth Humans had the short end of the stick. They were stronger and more durable than anyone else, but they didn’t get any other superpowers. Shy Tree, on the other hand, was LOVING his new ability of flight, using every opportunity to fly from point A to point B.

Shy Tree came over for dinner one night, elated that he passed his Friendship Exam and got into Unicorn U with honors. In fact, he was so elated that day that he was slightly floating everywhere, including, at that moment, his chair.
Making eye contact and silently agreeing, he and Twilight both decided to try and coax Mike to get fully ponified.

“Father! Why don’t you ‘give it a shot’ anyway! You do have that unicorn variant DNA…”

Everyone and everypony around the dining table looked at her in horror, transferring their looks to Shy Tree when he agreed.

“Yeah, even with Earth Human DNA, Pfizer says your strength and stamina will increase by a power of four! You can already run a marathon on one bottle of water. What about an ultra marathon?! Deadlifting a ton instead of 500 pounds?”

Giving them a dead stare, he sighs and humors them.

“Celesti-AI says the U-Gene is minimal, at less than 1%, which is weird, given Mom is a unicorn human, but… I don’t know what the reaction would be. I also have a bunch of autoimmune stuff. I don’t want to get sick.”

“BUT DAAAD! Wouldn’t it be cool to do “magic” with your filly?”, with “pony eyes”.

“The answer's no, and that’s final, you two! What would happen to my daughter if I got hurt?!”

He pushed his chair back from the table a bit too strong, accidentally deeply gouging the floor and slightly bending the legs.

“MICHAEL ‘DUSK STAR’ MAGNUS! DON’T GO EARTH ON ME IN MY HOME!”, almost using her new psychic power to restrain him, but having enough self-control to not do so.

“I'm sorry about that, mom. Won't happen again.', as he went to his room to finish his presentation on Huqine biology. 'My biopsy samples are waiting for me in my room. Celesti-AI is gonna give me the 411.”

Halfway there, he heard a snippet on the radio of China successfully making an alicorn human, the full meaning not understood until he was sitting in his computer chair.

“Wait, did… Did I just hear that right? The CCP made an alicorn human? Ugh. I wouldn't want to be that person. Imagine - a whole country - nay, the entire WORLD - looking at you, following your every step, action and word, accidental or otherwise. You, having to consciously control your powers like Superman, every second of every day… Being immortal…”

He shuddered in fear.

“I don't think that you would have to be afraid of 'Superman Syndrome' with this Alicorn, Mike. From the news, they only have the average skills of each race, meaning they wouldn't have to train aggressively to control them. And with that piece of news, you might not like these results.”

“What… Do I have cancer or something?”

“No, you don’t have cancer, far from it, actually.', withholding an artificial chuckle.
'I would be blunt, but my humor setting is still at 15 per-”

“Reduce to zero for medical news, Celesti-AI!”

“As you wish, Mike. Your DNA is quite… odd. I knew about the unicorn variance, but who in your family is a pegasus human?”

“I… I have no clue. Never even heard a rumor anywhere in the family tree.”

“Anyway, what I am trying to get to is this. You don’t need the ponification shot. You are Patient Null. China’s alicorn was artificially constructed with illegal technology. You, on the other hand, are naturally the next step in Huqine evolution. I even think you can use magic. You could jump out the window if you wanted and fly supersonic, no shot needed. How does it feel, “Mr. Alicorn?” Join the club! That Chinese kid has nothing on you. You are the REAL First Alicorn!”

He fell off the chair to his knees, disbelieving.

Im…

"Michael!"

Impossible…

"Dad?"

Impossible.

"... Son?"

Impossible!

"Mike? Helloooo? Anypony there?"

Impossible!

"What did you tell him, Celesti-AI?"

Impossible!!

"PUT UP THE STRONGEST SHIELD YOU CAN AROUND HIM, EVERYPONY!"

"NOOO!!"

"HOLD ON-!"

With a roar that threatened to shatter the shield and, in the process, the city, Mike's body released a blast of neon white magic that obliterated his clothes and the floor underneath, the blast continuing downward and digging through the earth without slowing a bit.

His mom was quickly sweating, her legs trembling from the effort as she determinedly held her arms up towards her freaking out son.

"GAH! I-I-I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN LAST, EVEN WITH AN ALICORN FILLY HELPING!!"

Celesti-AI's horn was at triple field, digital sweat running down her muzzle as her legs held steady against the pressure that threatened to melt/explode her projectors.

"I'm helping as well, thank you very much! I'm fortunate that my creators were determined to make me as powerful as they perceived me to be in the show, but it's also fortunate that they could never get me more powerful… Although, in this case… UGH, KEEP IT UP! We need help!"

Thomas was on the phone, informing as many students as he could about what was happening in order to reinforce the coming C.M.C that also dealt with flare up's that usually heralded the discovery of a U-man's Cutark.

"Twilight, hide! I've called for more U-mans, and we can't have you being found during this!"

"B-BUT MY-?!"

"YOUR DAD WILL BE FINE, NOW GIT!"

Scampering off to the hiding place they selected, she slowed her breathing to calm herself as the local C.M.C came and added their strength to the rapidly fading-.

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Grrrrr- STOP. RUNNING. THROUGH. MY. HEAD!!"

The entire neighborhood shook with the skyward blast he unleashed as his mind blasted through him the whole time he's so far spent with Twilight.

“Sweet Celestia, Mike! W… what are you doing?! Aren’t you an Earth Human?!”

Their confusion and terror only got doubled when he began levitating, his body shaking from the stream of unstoppable memory being forced through him.

"Let Us handle this, everypony."

They respectfully stepped aside for the Lunar teacher who came, hands crackling with power, a Shining Armor Specialist beside him as they added their power to the focusing field.

“Madam Magnus? You're working on the Homo Equus Project, right?”, The Shining Armor specialist asks the boy’s mother.

“Yes. I… I gave you a-all my m-medical records w-when we got h-here. He has uni-unicorn v-variance, but he n-NEVER fl-floated l-like this be-before, and he n-never got fully ponified.”

Unable to stand, she falls into a chair a C.M.C quickly placed under her.

“WE might have a hypothesis. Prithee tell, Madam Magnus, doth thou son have any other genetic anomalies?”

“Well, he does have random, uncontrolled memory flashes.” His mom says.

Celesti-AI’s projectors smoking and her image flickering, she shakes her head and spills the beans.

“Ok, buck this! YOUR SON IS THE FIRST TRUE ALICORN HUMAN!! The Chinese kid didn’t and still doesn’t and will never have the correct genotype for the proper evolutionary trajectory. MIKE DOES! He literally has a triple helix!”

She projects Mike’s triple helix image onto the wall, showing all three DNA types in his genome.

“Based on my calculations, here’s what he’ll have. He will never be able to die, stop aging at 25, and basically be a god among huqines, along with being incredibly rare. I project 1 in 50 million humans will be naturally born with the Alicorn triple helix after him, thus you might have a small group of alicorn humans numbering in the few thousands, maybe 10,000. This could destroy the current social strata!”

“Hm. That may be true, but right now We are more concerned about Madam Magnus’ offspring’s condition. MICHAEL MAGNUS! FOCUS ON THE SOUND OF OUR VOICE!! WE MEAN NO HARM, YOU ARE AMONGST FRIENDS!”

As she continued speaking, Michael calmed, slowly lowering himself as his memory run tapered off at the same rate. Landing on the floor, he stepped beside his bed and flopped into it backward, falling asleep the same instant.

“Holy smokes… we have a Code Majestic! Call the DOD!”

***

“Woah! How many alicorn humans are there in this timeline, Jewnicorn?”

It says in the text, boss. What I DO know is that my alicorn ascension didn’t involve any weird genetic splicing. I just got incredibly lucky.

“Well, thy variant of ourself did perish, which was thy catalyst for ascension. Modesty is good, Jewnicorn, but it doesn’t hurt to brag a bit about thy accomplishments. Not everypony meets their purpose like thou hast, or Princess Twilight.”

Yeah, I know. Incredibly lucky that I found a timeline with 99% overlap to /03, but I digress. The question remains, however, whether filly Twilight will be able to handle the fact her adoptive father is an alicorn human?!