Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“Pass the rolls please.”

No action followed Flurry Heart’s request, only continued chewing and conversation.

“Daaaad,” she whined, “they’re right next to you!”

“Nuh-uh,” Shining Armor said around a mouthful of roast veggies. “You’ve eaten nothing but bread. Have some veg’.”

“Dad, I’m a princess, I don’t have to eat vegetables!”

“Royalty frees you from neither biological reality nor manners—”

“Ahem.”

Nightlight interrupted before Shining Armor could finish.

“Young lady, princess you may be, but a stallion’s home is his castle and unless you can convince your parents to have me hauled away in chains, if you sit at my table you will eat the veggies your Grandmare cooked for you with love.”

“Why couldn't she cook a chocolate cake for lunch, with love?”

“Because ponies who eat nothing but cake will die. Velvet and I are peers of the realm of Equestria, and because the Crystal Kingdom is a client state of Equestria, we will do our very best to ensure proper nutrition for the future ruler of said kingdom.”

At last he cracked a smile.

“But there is a very nice purple guava cake waiting for good little ponies who clean all the veggies off their plates.”

“Guava, yum!” the young alicorn brightened for a moment. “Aunt Twilight’s friend, Pinkie, eats nothing but cake.”

“Miss Pie is an anomaly,” her mother stated, “none of us understand how her body works.”

“Now eat up like your Grandsire says, or you’ll be sitting in front of a plate of cold food while we all eat cake,” her father said. “Dad, did you see the big stickball game? Just kidding, me neither. But the troops are talking about nothing else. Did you hear who’s running for the house of commons…”

—

Political talk, and society chatter, continued across the table in intersecting conversations until Flurry realized that the room had grown silent and all eyes were on her.

“What?”

She could tell something was wrong, but couldn't imagine what she had done this time.

“Young lady,” Cadance demanded, “would you care to explain yourself?”

“What?”

“Your nose.”

“Oh.”

A pale glow of magic surrounded Flurry’s nose, carefully holding the nostrils closed. The glow faded.

“My science tutor told me that most of the sense of taste is really smell. I really don’t like the asparagus, so I thought that if I couldn't smell it, I could eat it right down. And it works, I finished it all!”

Proudly she showed her empty plate.

“Princess, your physiological reasoning is quite clever, but you’ve just told your Grandmare that her cooking stinks, and you’ve embarrassed me in front of my mother in law.”

“Cadance, she’s just—” Twilight Velvet started, but Cadance held up her hoof.

“You need to apologize, Miss Mi Amore.”

“I’m sorry, Grandmare. I wasn’t thinking about how it would look, I didn’t intend to insult you.”

“Of course I forgive you dear. It was a little off putting, but I know you didn’t mean any harm.”

“You can even give me more asparagus and I’ll eat it the right way, I promise.”

“That’s very brave of you,” Twilight Velvet said with a chuckle, “but I don’t want you to be too full for your dad’s favorite cake.”

Flurry’s eyes lit up at the thought of dessert – without further green gauntlets to endure.

“No dessert,” Cadance said. “Reflect on your actions, please.”

“Can I have that asparagus after all?”

“No dessert for me, neither,” Shining said.

“But it’s your favorite…” Twilight Velvet’s voice trailed off as Shining and Cadance locked eyes.

“Dear.”

Cadance had become almost chilly in her presentation.

For a moment the Princess of the Crystal Kingdom and her consort simply stared at each other.

“Flurry apologized very properly,” Shining said, “and Mom accepted. That should be the end of the matter. Any further punishment is petty.”

Still they stared, other ponies not privy to what messages flashed between them as they contended.

“Very well,” Cadance conceded, “I see your point. Flurry may have her dessert even if you abstain.”

“Skip Mom’s guava cake? Pfft. I’ll have two pieces. Please.”

Nightlight stood.

“Everypony is excused. Dessert will be in half an hour.”

“I’ll help Grandmare with the washing up!”

Flurry Heart was eager to establish a positive balance on the ledger of her behavior.

“Join me for a cigar?” Nightlight asked his son.

“No thanks, I want to be able to taste my dessert. There’s not a pastry chef in all the Crystal Kingdom like mom.”

“Cadance?”

“No thank you, Father Sparkle, not this time. Shining and I will just rest a moment in the living room before desert.”

—

By the time dessert was served, no trace of the coolness between Cadance and Shining Armor remained.

In fact, they had scooted their chairs closer together so they could easily nuzzle each other.

“Wash the sofa cover.”

Nightlight and Twilight Velvet mouthed the words soundlessly together.

Cadance watched the Sparkles share silent conversation. The Princess of Love could read most couples very accurately. But was her smile the result of a tasty dessert, or some other form of satisfaction?

Flurry ate without any visible awareness of the subtext around her. In the kitchen she had repaired the bond with her grandmare and been afforded the opportunity to lick the cake cutter after the cake had been plated.

“It’s delicious, Grandmare ” she enthused, adding, “Daddy, you’re funny!”

Shining Armor was alternating between the two pieces of cake on his plate, taking a bite of one, and then the other.

“Your mother won’t let me use two forks at once,” he whispered loudly and pretended to eat with both forehooves.

“Your mother won’t allow it, either, Shiny.”

But the tolerant smile on Twilight Velvet’s face suggested that if he asked nicely, she might permit.

—

“…and that’s the last time I’ve been to Coltifornia!”

Twilight Velvet wrapped up her account of a past visit to her cousin as everypony finished desert.

“I wish I had a cousin,” Flurry Heart said wistfully as the family moved away from the table.

“Oh, that would be so nice, dear.”

There had been several young foals in the west coast cousin’s family and Twilight Velvet though fondly of the joy another grandfoal would bring.

“Of course you know they would be much younger than you,” Cadance reminded her daughter. “But you could foalsit.”

“And change diapers!” Shining added.

“Eww.”

“Make sure to wear swimming goggles, and keep your mouth closed,” he further suggested.

“Why?” Flurry thought about it for a moment. “Eww! Dad! Gross!”

“Of course, I never needed the pee P.P.E., since I can cast force fields.”

“Daddy’s just teasing you sweetie, don’t be embarrassed. Changing diapers is sometimes messy, and that’s why the holy one gives little foals parents who love them no matter what. And I bet your father got your Grandmare when he was a tiny little colt.”

“Nope!” Shining said, “who do you think I learned shield spells from?”

“He’s right dears. In battle I’m a tank escort. Whether it’s spears, arrows, or colt pee, nothing gets past Grandmare Sparkle’s shield spells!”

“Well, I wish I had a cousin my own age,” Flurry amended.

“That’s a tall order,” Nightlight said when his granddaughter wished the impossible.

—

“Love ya, Mom.”

Shining Armor hugged his mother before climbing into the chariot where his wife and daughter waited.

“Thank you for the visit, Shining. And thank you for taking the time to come along, Princess. We know how busy you are. Maybe next time you can stay for dinner.”

“Lady Sparkle, you don’t need to be so formal,” Cadance protested.

“I’ve only only called you princess once today, dear. And look who’s being formal with calling me ‘Lady’.”

Thunder, or possibly cannon fire, sounded in the distance.

“It’s been wonderful having you all over. If only we could count on also seeing our lovely daughters.”