Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“Tangent?”

Twilight woke me in the quiet darkness.

We were floating again. Over the course of the afternoon we had drowsed away our post coital lethargy, ridden at least a vertical kilometer of water slides, joined an impromptu dance-off in the crashing surf of a wave pool, taken an early supper and show, and retreated to another jumbo innertube with room for us to cuddle side by side as the sun set. We must have slept again: eventually night had fallen and now we were buried in an impenetrable fog rising off of the comparatively warm water.

“Twi…”

I reached out and found her hand. We were adrift in a black void – the lights of the water park were off or drowned in the thick vapors swirling around us. The experience was almost sensory deprivation, sound was deadened, the darkness absolute and the water buoyed us like amniotic fluid.

“Where are we?” she asked. “It’s like we’re nowhere. There are spells like this, to trap a pony into a featureless void.”

“Still at the water park. We fell asleep.”

“Should we call for help?”

“I feel like we should keep quiet.” I started paddling blindly, seeking the edge of the lazy river.

“Why?”

“Something’s wrong. They wouldn’t shut down for the night leaving customers just floating. I’ve been here at the end of the day and they round everyone up. Try not to splash.”

When I made contact with the edge, we were still sweeping slowly along. They would have turned off the river when the park closed. I slipped from the innertube, followed by Twilight. Careful not to make noise we climbed out of the water. Standing on the bank of the artificial river, there was still no sign of light. It couldn't just be the fog, every light in the entire park must be off.

We wandered slowly through the darkened park looking for an exit or any sign of light. Visibility was zero, and I was feeling my way along.

“I’m cold,” Twilight said. The night air was chill after the water, and the fog was not helping us to dry off.

For a moment a pocket of clear air floated past, barely revealing a familiar shape – tentatively I double-pressed the button on the towel dispenser.

Nothing happened.

“It doesn’t make sense. The river is still running, but nothing else has power.”

“What do we do?” she asked.

My guardian was not with me now, but he had taught me certain principles.

“Get the hell out,” I said.

(Exit the danger.)

“We’ll find a transit point and call a ride.”

(When shit gets weird, distance is your friend.)

“I can have our clothes picked up tomorrow.”

(Bet the stakes, not the odds.)

“Got it,” she said.

I squeezed her hand and led onward, blindly.

In the darkness I stepped into a cold, sticky, puddle and froze.

Behind me Twilight whispered a tiny, “what?”

“Don’t ask,” I breathed, turning to face her. Without explaining, I reached out and swept her up into my arms. I carried her carefully across the sticky pavement, trying to convince myself that it couldn't be covered in blood.

On the far side I set her down. Twilight put her hand on my shoulder; she reached up to touch my ear, then made a questioning tactile gesture we had mutually developed long ago – she was asking if I heard something.

My hand found hers, twice I touched her. Yes.

Stealthy and barely audible, there was something in the darkness with us. Sound was faint and directionless, but unmistakable. Hardly daring to breath I led Twilight onward. If we could get away from the water we might find the edge of the fog. When my fingertips brushed the smooth surface of a tall perimeter fence I knew it would only be a matter of time before were out. The occasional footsteps blindly shadowing us might be getting farther away, but I couldn't be sure.

Following the left hand rule we eventually found an exit-only gate and slipped through, easing it closed with only a minimal click.

Outside the park we found the air no clearer. The atmosphere was just as thick, proof against light, diffusive of sound. But hopefully we had left our quiet stalker behind. I switched hands, keeping touch with the wall as I hoped to avoid a switchback that might bring us closer to it.

There was the sound of an impact, feet landing on the pavement. Fog disguised distance and direction, but something had jumped over the wall. Something big.

My questing hand found an alcove where the wall diverted to leave a space around a light standard – not that there was any light. I pulled Twilight in with me as heavy footsteps drew near.

The unknown continued past us and stopped. Any hope that the presence in the fog was human died when a slow, rattling, croak sounded. I don’t know how it didn’t hear our hearts pounding, but neither of us breathed until its footsteps resumed and passed out of hearing.

After a pause that felt like eternities I stepped towards the mouth of our niche. There was no sound from the shadowy stalker; it could be a hundred metres away, it could be breathing down my very neck. The fog condensing on my skin felt greasy in the claustrophobic darkness. Behind us, a rattle, as of something dislodged from the top of the perimeter wall.

A speeder loomed out of the darkness, unheard until it was almost on top of us. It slid to an abrupt halt outside our hiding place. We froze as the side door swept open revealing a red-litten interior.

“Get in!” commanded Beulah from the helm.

At the EWO post, Edna gestured us to hurry.

Twilight took my hand as I stared dumbly. She pulled me to the vehicle and through the door.

As the door closed behind us I sensed rather than saw a blur of motion to my side, through the windscreen. Something had landed on the pavement just in front of the vehicle. Twilight’s eyes widened at whatever she had seen. Before I could try to get a better look, Beulah punched the accelerator. Twilight and I fell, landing in a pair of bucket seats that were clearly padded for safety, not comfort. As we fell, the unknown something crunched under the front the the speeder. There was a scraping under the hull as the vehicle passed over the body. Once past it, wheels counterspun and the speeder came about to face the ruined creature. Impact with the vehicle hadn’t done it any favors. It was a good bit larger than man-sized but broken enough that I wasn’t sure what shape it had been a few minutes ago. It sounded like a biped when it walked, but it didn’t much look like one now.

“I’ll go secure the remains,” Edna said.

“Take one of the kids with you.”

“You.” Edna pointed at me. “Take the weapons console and cover us. If anything, anything, besides us moves, open fire, do not pause to identify. We have an active CDP. Follow me, Princess.”

Twilight and Edna vanished out the door as I studied the console for any sign of movement. It There was sound at the aft of the speeder, and then they were back in view. Twilight dragged a heavy cable and Edna carried a bundle of wire netting on her shoulder.

“What’s a CDP?” I asked Beulah without looking up from my watch.

“Collateral Damage Permit,” she said. “But it’s better if we don’t need to invoke it.”

My focus was on the synthetic view as the two approached the dead thing. The multiband imager could see right through Twilight’s swimsuit, but I didn’t let the lurid green visualization of her nakedness distract me. Following my eyes, the console automatically opened a worm’s eye view from an artificial vantage between her feet. I dragged that window to the edge of the screen where it wouldn't interfere with watching over Twilight and Edna.

As I studied the shadows and mist for any movement there was a sound of gunfire, three rounds, and by force of will I did another sweep of the entire periphery before turning back to the two on the retrieval team. Nothing in my field of fire showed any reaction to the shots. Edna was rolling the dead thing onto the netting while Twilight examined Edna’s sidearm. I bet they don’t have three-fifty-seven magnums in Equestria!

“You know, she really is a princess,” I said.

“I’m not even surprised. You’re both lucky to have each other.”

“I’m the luckier one.”

“Well that remains to be seen, doesn’t it?”

I didn’t think there was any question, but I didn’t bother to argue.

Edna had bound the doubly deceased creature in the wire mesh and Twilight attached her cable to a lift grommet at one end of the resulting bundle.

Beulah pressed a button and the cable started reeling in; Edna and Twilight ran back to the speeder.

“No movement on the scope,” I reported, relinquishing the electronics warfare position as Edna slipped into the seat from the other side. “What was the shooting?”

“It wasn’t quite dead,” Edna said.

A davit swung out from above and the net-wrapped body was hauled up to the roof. A chime sounded as the cargo was secured and the speeder eased into motion – as the vehicle accelerated Edna put the weapons console in standby.

“Thanks for finding that fucker, kids. I took out its weapons and sensor suite with the EMP cannon, but that also cost me targeting data. Its body temperature is so low my IR can’t see it very far in the fog. I was tracking it by its radio emissions before I fried its electronics.”

“What was it?”

“Goddamn tourist,” Beulah said as she drove through the darkness, “a fucking trophy hunter.”

The speeder was up to speed the and inertials had kicked in and we could move about confidently. Only now did our hostesses notice that we were still dripping.

“Strip, you two,” Edna said. “Get out of those wet swimsuits.” Hot air blew out of a grill in response a touch to her console.

A moment later Twilight and I stood side by side, naked, our shivers subsiding. There was no point in trying to cover ourselves, the two strange women had already seen everything. Twilight held out her hand and I took it as we waited to see what they would do.

With the speeder switched over to autopilot, Beulah and Edna swiveled their seats around to face us.

“Well aren’t you two just delicious.” Beulah’s gaze was laden with very frank lust as she looked us both over. “Delicious.”

“Don’t worry,” Edna said, “she would no more interfere with you than she would use a flamethrower to cut a dew covered rose bud.” She banged a wall locker with her fist and the door popped open. “Towels.”

I took one and knelt to began drying Twilight, starting at her feet.

I was working up her calves towards her knees when Beulah asked, “did you hurt your feet boy?”

Sparing a glance over my shoulder I saw that the soles of my feet bore traces of red that confirmed my fears.

“I stepped in something at the water park,” I said. “I’m not hurt.”

“Looks like you stepped in someone,” Beulah countered.

Continuing upwards with the towel, I was drying towards Twilight’s waist.

“Is that why you carried me?” she asked.

“Yes, Princess.” I raised my face to smile at her. Here I was, on my knees before her again and the view was more than captivating.

Twilight reached for my hands. I dropped the towel; it lay about her feet like the fallen drapes in a classical painting. Slowly she pulled me to my feet, drew my lips to hers.

The kiss might have gone on forever, but after a time she pulled back.

“Thank you for being so considerate.”

“My Princess.”

Again we kissed. I didn’t realize how hard my cock was getting until I poked Twilight.

“Well, I guess it’s nothing they haven’t seen us do, right? Shall we?”

“Twilight…” I protested as Beulah and Edna laughed.

“Can you ladies get us home?” I asked, “I live in the Oblique Path arcology.”

“Gladly, kiddos. And then we need to get some dead aliens to the lab.” Beulah gestured towards the roof of the speeder. “We’ve got another stiff up there besides the one we just picked up.”

“What about other survivors at the park?”

“I don’t expect there are any. But there’s already another team onsite doing the mop up. Our mission was to neutralize any threat actors who exited the site and you led the second one right to us.”

“So, what about earlier today?” Twilight asked. “Is the perv shtick just an act?”

“No, we really are lecherous voyeuristic grannies. We just happen to be monster hunters too.”

—

“Yeah, don’t go in there for a while,” Beulah said.

“No worries!” the reply came from the kitchen, “they’re fucking again. Can you believe,” Edna added as Beulah traced her voice to its source, “he’s got almost nothing but FooSuBa’s and frozen shit in here.”

The two monster hunters had followed the young lovers to the fellow’s apartment to use the facilities. Their host and hostess had vanished almost immediately.

Beulah grabbed a FSB without looking what flavor; she crammed half of it in her mouth, semi-edible wrapper and all.

“Leths go.”