How to Talk to Mares

I ran into Sugarcube Corner panting and sweating like a madman, where two colts, a baby dragon, and my friend who I was talking about earlier were sitting in a circle, the former munching on a cupcake.

"Oh! Your here!!” she said.

"It's about time! Do you know how long we've been waiting?” said one of the colts. He had a blonde mane, a white coat, and sported a tuxedo. He was, apparently, Canterlot royalty.

"Hey, I'm sure it’s not his fault he's late. Who knows, something strange might've happened to him on his way here.” the other colt stated, this one with dark brown hair, a tan coat, and a tie.

"Oh, enough with your whole supernatural time master act!! It's getting really annoying!"

"Actually, it’s time lor-"

"I DON'T CARE!!"

"Hey, stop arguing with Mr. Hooves, you jerk! Besides, it was nice to get to know each other and talk with Pinkie while waiting for him!” the dragon said.

"Riiigghht.’Cuz being introduced to a wimpy dragon, a delusional pony, and having to listen to an annoying pink pony yap on about blah blah sweets and blah blah parties is such a nice time! This was a stupid idea! I'm getting the buck outta here!"

"That's not such a good idea" I told him.

"Why?"

"Do I need to remind you why you considered taking this class? Remember the dinner party? Your 'flirting failure'?" That made the dragon and Pinkie giggle, while the other colt held his hoof to his mouth, trying his best to keep himself from laughing. This made the blonde colt grow red with embarrassment.

"Oh, that."

"Yeah. Also, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't be so rude. To pass this class, you have to get along with everypony, no matter what."

"You expect me to show regal kindness to these common peasants!? I'm Canterlot royalty!!"

"Take that title away, and what are you? A pony. Just like the rest of us, albeit, besides the dragon."

"Oh, don't worry mister, I don't care whether people call me a dragon or a pony. For me, it’s the same!"

"Well, then I guess it’s 'just like the rest of us'. What's your name, dragon?"

"Spike."

"Well, Spike, that kind of spirit is what I like to see! Anyway, we're all the same, no matter what class we are. We can all find friendship in one another. Haven't you ever read the mare's tail 'The Pony and the Pauper'? Just be kind to other ponies, especially the mares, and maybe you can make more friends. And to help you guys with this lesson, I have assisting me one of the friendliest mares in all of Equestria. Pinkie, I think we should get this class started, agreed?" I asked her.

She giggled a bit (I could've sworn I saw her blush) and said "Yup! Now the first lesson is to greet everypony you see with a great big smile! See, like this!" Her smile was really bright, almost sparkling, if that were possible.

"You heard the mare! Give us your best smile!!" I yelled at my three students. Man, its fun to give people instructions.

Spike gave us a really big smile, like he was trying his hardest. A little too hard. "Uh, Spike?" I said.

"Yesh?” he said through clenched teeth.

"Your smile seems a bit awkward. Try toning it down a bi-......a lot." I said.

His smile became small, but firm.

"That's better!” I complimented." Okay.....I'm sorry, I didn't get your full name Mr. ...Hooves?” I asked the tan colt.

"Oh! I'm The Doctor.", he replied.

"The Doctor ..........................of?"

"No, just The Doctor"

".....Uh.....okkaaaayyyy. So your name is The Doctor Hooves?" I asked, very confused.

"Well, you can just call me Doctor, or Doctor Hooves, or even Mr. Hooves!"

"Right...well....Doctor, let's see your smile."

His smile looked neat and centered. "Wow, your smile's good. It could help in the next lesson. Okay......name please?"

"Prince Basel Larry Umir Ed Brendan Luis Otis Omar Darren the 2nd, but you can call me Blueblood."

"What kind of......okay, Blueblood, show us your smile." When he showed his smile he wriggled his eyebrows with a rose in his mouth, and a breeze that seemed to come out of nowhere moved his mane.

"Well, what do you think? Spectacular, isn't it?"

"It’s too......self-absorbed." I said plainly.

"What? How?"

"Look at Spike's and The Doctor's smiles. They don't have roses in their mouths or mysterious wind blowing their mane."

"I see nothing wrong with these things."

I sighed. "Oh boy, we have a long way to go."