Twilight Can't Find a Book
Rainbow Dash meets Pinkie and Twilight
Rainbow Dash was flying really fast over Ponyville. She wasn’t really going anywhere, she was just flying instead of doing her weather-related job like she was fucking supposed to. She was flying so fast she barely distinguished the purple and pink blurs that she zoomed over. The moment her microscopic brain processed this information, she made a U-turn and went back to meet her pony friends.
“Hey, guys! I was just flying around,” said the cocky pegasus. “What you guys doing?”
“Oh! Oh! I’ll tell her! We’re going to Twilight’s library to look for a place to get some licorice because I was making a cake and I thought it could use some licorice, so I thought, who knows where to find things?, and then I thought—”
“Pinkie! Sorry, Rainbow. Yes, we’re going to the library.” What she didn't say was, I like having friends to go to the library with, because it makes me feel less lonely, as I’m a useless lonely nerd who’s terrible at everything. Even though it’s not true, her magic is overpowered as all hell and she’s almost as powerful as Cadence. She once picked a dozen trees’ worth of apples with telekinesis, basically shitting on everything Applejack stands for.
“Okay, well. I’ll practice some more flying and then join you guys. I’m gonna have to borrow the new Daring-Do book!” They gave Rainbow Dash the ability to read. Rainbow fucking Dash. Sure, Applejack is basically illiterate, right?, because she’s an ignorant country bumpkin, right?, even though she can probably read better than anyone except Twilight, whose special talent is basically being a gigantic fucking nerd and also because she’s overpowered. Anyway, the Daring-Do episode was fan-pandering trash.
“Alright, Rainbow. See you later!”
“Bye, Dashie! Oh, boy, I can’t wait to get there already!”
“Calm down, Pinkie.” Yeah, calm the fuck down for one second, you ditz. “We're almost there.”
Twilight Can't Find a Book
It was a nice day. Twilight walked around Ponyville, trying her hardest not to shit herself while doing so. She was not in any particular need to go number two, she just didn’t have the motor coordination to move and think at the same time without using her bullshit overpowered telekinesis.
In a blur, Pinkie Pie crashed into Twilight, knocking her down like an annoying asshole who doesn’t know not to tackle other ponies and can’t control her energy from eating so much goddamn sugar. Why isn’t she fat, seriously?
“Hi, Twilight! I was in Sugarcube Corner and I was making a cake and then I asked myself, where can I get licorice?, and then I thought, who knows everything in Ponyville?, and then I thought of you!! So I went looking for you as fast as I could!” said Pinkie with her stupid fucking motormouth.
“Oh, hi, Pinkie! How are you?"
“Do you know where I can get some licorice? My cake can’t be complete without—” And why can she break physics like nothing? No one else in the show can break physics like that except perhaps god-tier creatures like alicorns and Discord. Pinkie is completely overpowered. “…licorice.”
“I don’t know, but I know where we can look. To the library!” she yelled out. Because she doesn’t actually know anything about anything and is completely dependent on other ponies’ knowledge.
“Let’s go-o-o!” yelled Pinkie Pie, the stupid fat fuck, as she zipped out again, flying over the ground and completely disregarding the internal rules laid out for the series’ universe.
“Wait for me, Pinkie!” Ugh. Shut up.
Twilight Can't Find a Book
A couple of hours later, Pinkie and Twilight found themselves in a messy pile of books.
“Man, I can’t find anything today. SPIKE!" Waking up from a nap after a few seconds, her assistant baby dragon ran down the stairs, tripping over himself.
“Mmm-what is it, Twilight?”
“Have you reorganized the library recently? I can’t find any books about licorice and its sources of origin.”
“No, I haven’t,” said Spike, worried for his stupid friend who was unable to find an elephant in a haystack. “Wait, how long have you been down here?”
“Two hours! Pinkie and I just can’t find anything.”
“That’s right! It wasn’t even under L!!” said Pinkie, since she would sometimes recycle jokes in an attempt to be cutesy and funny but nobody really gives a shit about her.
At that moment, out of nowhere, somepony BUCKED THE DOOR THE FUCK DOWN. It was Applejack!
“Applejack!” the three of them yelled out. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I was walkin’ down Ponyville, selling corn and apples, when my supersonic hearin’ caught y’all being worried about a book. So I galloped all my way down here to help y’all,” explained Applejack, as the unappreciated good friend she was.
“What about your corn and apples?”
“Oh, I left a chemical signal so’s to call a fellow earth pony from the colony to take over. ’Sides, anyone caught tryin’ t’ steal my apples will be paralyzed from the gas cloud.”
“Oh, I see. Cool!” said Twilight, because if there’s one thing she’s good at, it’s understanding things immediately, since the writers not only give her unbelievable powers but also make her super brainiac-like smart, implying she’s better than Applejack and her down-to-earth actual knowledge of the world you can’t get from books.
“Anyway, you guys take this here book—”
“‘Licorice and Where to Find It’? How’d you find this so fast?”
“Oh, I just used echolocation to see the words formed by the ink in all the books around the area. ’Tain’t nothin’,” said the farmer pony, humble as always.
“Why, thank you so much! Maybe you should come down later for a pic-nic.”
“Oh, I dunno about that, Twilight. I might be helpin’ other ponies just like you. Nopony knows…”
“Okay, well, thanks again!”
“My pleasure. See y’all around!” said Applejack, teleporting back to her cart.
