Diaries of the Anonymous Filly

The dawn light shone through the forest canopy, casting the path I was following in an almost preternatural light. An eerie mist surrounded me obscuring anything further than five metres out, but it wasn't enough to hide the odd snare in the underbrush along the trail. I couldn't be certain, but I was pretty sure those weren't there when I came through yesterday.

It felt like I was forgetting something. Why was I coming here so early in the morning? For that mater, why hadn't I grabbed my saddlebag, or fishing tackle? It didn't make any sense for me to be coming out here without anything, especially if I was going to check in on Hailstone. At the very least, I should be bringing food.

My eyes drifted to the right, where the river should have been, only to find more underbrush. In fact, it sounded more like the river was to my back than my side... The confusion that oddity brought about a fresh wave of paranoia. Pausing in my tracks, I flicked my ears back to listen for any sign I was being followed.

In the end, my paranoia and inattentiveness to the road in front of me brought me tumbling ass over tea kettle on the well-worn dirt track. Although my head was spinning, I was able to recover quick enough. The environment subtly changed around me as I shook my head, strange grooves wearing themselves into the trail.

What tripped me came as a real shock, however. As I looked down at my hooves, I was surprised to see a black and white plush bunny. It was a complete vertical split with red button eyes. It wasn't the fact that it was there that was shocking however. It was the fact that I recognised it. This wasn't just any plush; this was something my mother had given me when I was just an infant.

I never found out where she got the fabric, but I knew that she made it herself. I'd seen her make a similar dog for Sara, and a bear for Laura. Rather than any sort of traditional stuffing material, it was filled with scraps from animal pelts. There on the underside of its back-right leg, she'd embroidered my original name. It looked brand new, but it was unmistakably...

"Split?" I whispered, reaching out to touch it with my hoof. It was solid, which confused me even more. He can't be here... "That bastard burned you when I was six. How...?"

"He's too old for baby shit like that," echoed my father's voice from nowhere and everywhere all at once.

Somehow, seeing the bunny made me feel... small—as if I wasn't already a very small horse—and vulnerable. Instinctively, I pulled him to my chest and stood on my two back hooves. There was no rhyme or reason to it; I was just doing what felt natural to do. Still... Even after a few steps, nothing felt odd about walking this way. I shouldn't be able to move like this; I've tried before.

I continued my way down the trail, my gaze never lingering for too long on one spot. The strangeness of my locomotion could only distract from the growing sense of unease in the back of my mind for so long, and rather than feeling warmer, everything seemed colder—darker. None of this was right; not one bit of it sat well.

My ears swivelled back, tracking the sound of a snapping twig. As if to fuck with me, more and more twigs snapped at random, sending my ears into a fit. The crackling turned into the groaning of trees as the wind picked up, sending icy daggers cutting through my coat.

The cold left me feeling so vulnerable—so naked. Even as cloth seemed to manifest around me, in what I soon recognised as the shape of a too-long tee-shirt, the feeling did not abate. The cold was making my fingertips—Huh?—feel numb, and gripping Split close wasn't doing much to help. Not even burying my muzzle between his ears seemed to help, as if not even the warmth of my breath could take hold in the plush.

Still, I muscled on, through the wind. Snow began to fall around me, quickly covering the never-ending trail, swallowing my hoof-prints whole and making no indication I'd ever been there in the first place. The sudden change of weather was, to put it lightly, completely unnatural, just like the shape I seemed to take on. None of it made any sense, and I couldn't figure out why.

As I continued, dread filled my belly. I was beginning to remember these surroundings, and they weren't from Equestria. These were the woods of Alaska, where I had hunted, fished, and played. It was the land of my childhood, and I knew I couldn't be here. Yet as I went on, I grew more and more sure of where I was.

In fact, just around that bend should be...

Finally, the trail opened into a clearing. I almost expected the cabin to be still standing, for all it made sense to even be here at all. Instead, there only remained the still-smoking remains of the building—a charred skeleton that had collapsed in on itself. Hell, moving closer even allowed me to feel some of the warmth I felt that night so long ago. I'd never before imagined something like temperature to have the concept of bittersweetness attributable to it, but if there were ever such a case, surely it was this.

Keeping close to the remains of my former home, I walked about the clearing. My mind churned with questions as I took in everything. How did I get here? Why am I here? How can I walk like this or even have fingers? I sat on the swing I built for my sisters, trying to wrap my head around it all. It was as though something was keeping me from remembering some crucial detail. If Split is here... is this some sort of purgatory? Wait, do childhood stuffies even get an afterlife?

I did my best not to look for the longest time, but I knew that my Mom's grave would be right where I left it... right beside his. Nothing would have made me feel better than to look and find there was no grave-markers and protective stone cairns... That lingering hope that he didn't actually kill my Mom, and that the last six years—right up to ending up in Equestria—were just a dream, was intoxicating. Sadly, deep in my heart I knew that would never be the case.

Sure as sugar, when I finally forced myself to look, there it was. The wooden cross that was built from a board I'd pried off the patio stood tall and untouched by time, and the cairn looked untouched as well. Between the smoking ruin and Mom's untouched grave, it almost seemed feasible to believe that I was back at that moment in time.

His grave, however, wasn't so fortunate. The cross—or rather, what was left of it—looked as though it had been smashed at some point, and the fragments had been rotted. The stones of the cairn were scattered, as though something within had exploded with some force, leaving the shallow grave exposed. It was completely empty, not even a trace of the remains that had once been interred.

Hopping off the swing, I sauntered over to Mother's grave. Split the Bunny was clutched tightly against my chest as I stared at the marker. If that filly I saw yesterday was a ghost, then maybe some trace of Mom remains here. If traces remain in places, maybe they remain in minds, too.

"I miss you Mommy," I whimpered in a voice that felt too young to be my own. Crouched down before the grave, I hoped that she would appear to me. Nothing more than seeing her would have eased my mind, if nothing else than so that I could remember how she looked. For the life of me, the memory of her face wouldn't come. "I miss you so damn much."

For a long while, I just sat there hoping beyond all hopes she'd show. Snow accumulated on my back, shoulders, and head, and though my tears left icy streaks down my cheeks. I don't know how I got here, or why I'm here, I thought to myself. I just want to understand what the hell is going on.

Eventually, the crunch of snow behind alerted me to the fact that someone was approaching from behind. Despite the numbness brought on by the cold, my ears flicked back to track them. They weren't trying to hide their presence, but they also weren't rushing towards me. It was a casual four-legged gait that was clearly intended for me to hear them coming.

"I've finally found you, Anon," came the voice of Princess Luna. Her voice was strained, and she looked frazzled. "I've been trying to find you in here for hours."

"The Moon Horse? What's she doing here?" I murmured dumbly, turning to face her. At her surprised look, I wondered if I'd said something wrong. Wait... uh... "What's going on?"

With a sigh, she tapped her horn against my head and told me, "This is a dream, young Anonymous." The alicorn princess looked about the clearing, from the smouldering remains of my childhood home, to the empty grave beside my mother's. "You have slept almost an entire day, and need to wake."

~ 15 ~

I sat up on with a gasp, a cold chill washing over my body with the sudden awakening. At some point, my sleeping form had been removed from within my pillow nest—now with extra blanket!—and placed atop the unused bed in my room. The change in location was almost as jarring as waking up surrounded by other ponies. It wasn't nearly as startling finding myself nearly skewered on the horn of the Princess of the Night, who evidently had to come in person to wake me up.

"Thank goodness you're awake," someone said. I couldn't tell if it had been Twilight or Starlight who spoke, thanks to a grogginess that clouding my head. That said, it seemed like Twilight, Starlight, Spike, Princess Luna, and surprisingly Fluttershy were all gathered around the bed, watching me with eyes full of concern. This time, and I'm sure because she gave me my glasses while I was looking at her, Starlight spoke,"You had us so worried!"

With a yawn that lasted a bit longer than necessary, I tried to roll into position so that I could stand, but my legs felt like they were made of lead and rubber at the same time. "Sorry," I murmured. It took some effort, but I was able to force myself upright. It took a bit of stumbling, but it wasn't too hard to reach the edge of my bed. "Gah, I feel like someone ripped my soul out of my body and crammed it back in sideways or something... My body doesn't want to respond the way it should."

"I should expect not, young Anon," Princess Luna said in a surprisingly soft voice. Without prompting, she helped me off the bed with her magic, at which point, both Starlight and Fluttershy rushed to support me in case I fell again. Certainly not an easy thing to do with how small my room actually was. "You were in such a deep sleep, and yet you were nowhere to be found in the realm of dreams. Such things only happen when a pony has almost completely drained themselves of magic." She glanced to my open window and then shook her head. "The nights have been growing colder, as well, so that would help very little."

As I was shepherded out of my room and down the hallway, Twilight gave me a stern look. "Were you practising magic without supervision?" she asked. When I couldn't meet her gaze, she sighed. "You know those rules are in place for your own safety." It went left unsaid, but I still heard the 'and for the safety of others' part in my head.

I didn't say anything until we entered the dining room, where a bowl of cereal—something way too sugared to be considered healthy—was set out for me. A cup of coffee, which I could tell by smell alone had also been heavily sugared, was placed beside it. Much to everyone's surprise, including my own, I dug into the multicoloured flakes without complaint, forgoing the use of a spoon. "I dunno what to tell you, boss," I said between mouthfuls of saccharine fruity flakes of many colours. "I only conjured a single fireball because it felt like something was watching me while I was fishing, but that was just a tweak of the light spell I translated. It shouldn't have been anywhere near as draining as that rudimentary spell I used when I bluffed the Princess's guards."

I felt like there was something I should be telling them, but now that it felt like the opportunity to do so, the words wouldn't come. Heck, it almost felt like I was on the verge of having forgotten something important. There was something I wanted to probe carefully about, but it was almost like... I wasn't allowed to. Tears prickled at the edge of my vision, but I don't think I could even tell others why if I wanted to.

Twilight looked like she was about to provide some form of admonishment, but Fluttershy figuratively swooped in to save me. "I understand how scary it is when you feel like you're being watched," she said softly. While she spoke, I caught the Princess and Starlight sharing a look and then motioning to Twilight. It was subtle, but I still caught it. "I see it all the time with scared and hurt animals, too. They don't know what's happening or why, so they make threat displays in order to scare off potential attackers." She giggled softly at something, maybe some mental image or memory. "I'm sure that whatever had you scared enough to break one of Twilight's rules was just as scared of you."

Yeah, she was. I blinked at that thought. Wait, she? Although my dream was fading from my memory rather quickly, I could remember that I had been planning to go see someone that I met yesterday. Did I meet someone yesterday? I brought a hoof up to gently massage my temple as a dull ache formed in my head.

"Was I really asleep almost an entire day?" I asked, watching the three horned ponies step out into the hallway to converse in private. There was no hiding the cringe on my face as I drank the thankfully caffeinated coffee they'd given me. Too much sugar, but it's probably best that I grin and bear it. "I remember going to bed early, just after six, but..."

Spike gave me a serious look. "Dude, it's almost three in the afternoon," he said in a tone of disbelief. He jabbed a thumb at the timid pegasus. "She showed up thirty minutes ago to find out why we hadn't met up with everypony else for Applejack's public apology. Right in the middle of Princess Luna doing her dream magic."

I nodded, turning my full attention to my very late breakfast. So... I didn't manage to sleep through that? That's good. I wanted to be there to show that there was no ill will between us. Can't do that if I'm in some brainless coma. That said, it still left me with a number of unanswered questions. What was it that I wanted to consult the others on? Why did I suddenly feel the need to research ghosts and the paranormal? Would I be allowed to go fishing tomorrow or...?

Once my bowl was free of cereal, and my coffee drained, I downed the now-dyed milk and then used the provided spoon to shovel the sugary sludge from the bottom of the mug into my mouth. I dunno if the expressions on the faces of the two still present in the room were of shock, disgust, or concern at the apparent turnaround in my attitude towards sugar. Then again, when the body needs something it tells you through food cravings, and given that the sugar was actually tolerable, there was no doubt that I was utterly drained.

Still, what happened to all of my magic? I wondered, waiting for the other three to return. From what I'd read, it took a lot for an earth pony to naturally drain their reserves—and they were surprisingly large, but that usually was directed towards strength and endurance enhancement—and even with my abnormal way of doing so, I shouldn't have done nearly enough to do that. Not like that I had a large reservoir to begin with; like the rest of my body, we'd determined that my reservoir was underdeveloped for a pony my age. That'd probably change as I became more magically and physically active—that was the primary means through which earth pony magic increased, from what I'd been reading—but until that time came, I'd continue training until I was weak.

I don't want to be a low-capacity sugar battery forever. There's so much to learn and do... like runic enchantment!

"So, is there enough time for me to get a shower?" I asked, when Twilight and Starlight returned. Interesting, the Moon Horse isn't with them. Did she go on ahead? "I, uh, kinda fell asleep before I got to take my evening bath."

Twilight shook her head. "The scheduled apology before her release is set for half-past the hour, and it'll take 20 minutes to get there by hoof," she explained. "Half if everypony flies. You don't take short showers, even when rushing."

My eyes flicked to Starlight, whom I didn't expect to be able to fly any more than I could. She gave me this sheepish smile as magic coalesced around her horn. "Sorry, Anon," she said, pointing it at me. "Nopony really enjoys being hit with this spell, but it does work wonders when you're researching for days on end. This might tingle a bit."

As the spell hit me, it did more than just tingle. It was like a wave of paresthesia washing across my entire body. Once it passed, it occurred to me that everyone was snickering at me. It took me longer than I'd like to admit for me to look at the reflective surface of the table to see why. All of my fur was standing on end like a scared kitten's. Even my mane looked poofier, like Pinkie's.

In spite of myself, I started laughing too.

~ 15 ~

The trip to the town square was a quiet affair. Not because nobody was talking, mind. Twilight and Starlight were definitely talking, but I couldn't hear their heated discussion due to the privacy bubble spell Twilight was maintaining around the pair. They both looked angry, but it didn't seem like it was directed at me. No, it was more likely they were getting angry at each other. Why, though?

"Any idea what they're fighting about?" I asked Spike. Normally, I'd be a bit perturbed that he was walking alongside me, one clawed hand on my back to catch me if I stumbled, but given that I'd already nearly fallen once or twice since we started walking, I wasn't gonna turn away the support. "Twilight doesn't look pi—" I stopped myself when I remembered that Fluttershy was keeping pace along side us. "—peeved like she did when Ivory scalded me, but it's clear she isn't happy."

Spike just shook his head. "I dunno," he admitted, "but it must be pretty important. Look at their mouths."

As I did so, I couldn't help but feel very confused. They were clearly saying words in there, but their mouth movements didn't line up with anything close to approaching words. I wasn't a proficient lip-reader by any stretch of the mind, but it looked to me like they were just saying mawp over and over again. What the fuck?

"I've only seen Twilight use Greater Discrete Exchange a few times when talking security with the Royal Guard," he explained. As if realising something, he drew a bit closer. Yeah, like the filly who can barely walk'll be able to protect you, dude. "Do you think something's going on, and they're staying all hush-hush to keep us from panicking?"

As soon as he said that, Fluttershy tensed up and drew closer. Although she looked scared as hell—although from my understanding, she was kinda a coward most of the time—I could see that she had puffed up and it looked like she was holding her wings slightly apart from her body. Is that to look bigger, or is she readying to bolt?

"Relax, you guys," I said, trying not to let Spike's own paranoia agitate my own. "They're probably just arguing about whether to skip the event and take me to get checked up on. If it weren't for the fact that I wanted to see AJ, I'd probably ask to go anyway."

Fluttershy seemed to calm down, but she still stuck close. Once they were finished their private conversation, they rejoined the group. Starlight was even kind enough to give me a lift, since it was clear that I still hadn't recovered from whatever had sapped my magic and left me asleep for nearly a day. That didn't stop me at all from admonishing them for spooking Spike and Fluttershy. Don't you know there are scaredy-cats among you?

The rest of the trip was made in relative silence, since there wasn't really much to talk about. The only really annoying thing is that Twilight kept pestering me when it looked like I was about to nod off back to sleep. I think that kinda peeved Fluttershy, though, 'cause my sleepy ass curled up on Starlight's back was apparently 'so adorable,' and the disgruntled expression I made each time I was magically prodded ruined the mood.

That did leave me plenty of time to wonder, though. Why was I so tired and drained? Was I getting sick? Had I fucked up my mana pathways by playing with those unicorn spells I'd converted? Nah, that wouldn't explain why I was so empty; it'd more likely cause me to be in crippling pain if that was the case.

No... This weakness felt closer to anaemia—something I'd experienced a few times when I was living on the road and trying to survive off forage for too long. Anaemia felt almost exactly like this, except I knew that my nutrition was being closely monitored by my guardians. So it would have to be the magical equivalent, of it. What would cause it, though? I was eating more than the recommended amount of sugar for a foal my age now, because of my underdeveloped thaumic system. I wasn't even using that much yesterday, so what could cause me to haemorrhage magic like that?

I wanted to ask Twilight and Starlight, but I was worried that hearing me express concern would override their need to support Applejack, as well as my desire to make peace. What if they started asking questions I couldn't answer? They'd think I'm lying to them about something, probably; I know that's what I'd think.

Finally, we reached the town square, where a stage was set up. The townspeople were all gathered around the stage intently waiting, many of them tense. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash were already there, standing on stage out of solidarity for their friend, and soon enough, the rest of our party joined them, which meant that I had to get off of Starlight. Applejack's grandmother, brother, and Apple Bloom stood at the other side of the stage.

Although Apple Bloom almost knocked me over when she came to join me—I think she wanted to show the ponies that she held no ill will towards me—I stuck close to Starlight's side. Still, a lot of ponies seemed to relax when Apple Bloom make her little display. I was honestly thankful. They probably wouldn't have jeered Applejack anyways, but seeing that I'd made friends with her sibling regardless probably meant something to them.

The only ponies I don't think I saw at all were the mayor—a light brown mare with a greying mane that I'd seen about the town on occasion—Applejack herself, and Princess Luna. Heck, I think I even saw Crescent Helm, Ivory and Ebony, and a pegasus mare who looked like Ivory with wings somewhere near the back—Moondust, I think Shining Armour had said her name was. So where were they?

The answer was pretty simple. They were waiting for the appointed time. Soon enough, Mayor Mare—What a fuckin' name, I tell ya!—stepped onto the stage and approached the podium. Giving the attached microphone a good one two tap to verify it was on, she gazed out at the crowd. "Ponies of Ponyville," she greeted. That sounded like how you were meant to greet a crowd on a positive occasion, rather than a sombre one. "The violent crime statistic in our lovely village one of the lowest across all of Equestria, a fact we can all take great pride in.

"Despite this, we must always be aware that nopony is perfect, and that anything can happen." She gazed out at the crowd, and then to each of us upon the stage. "To strike a foal in any case is to strike out at innocence itself, and is not a crime we forgive lightly. For that reason, we are gathered here today so that one of our own may plead for such forgiveness."

At that, Applejack, sans stetson, closely followed by Princess Luna, stepped up onto the stage. Were they here all along, hidden in the shroud of an invisibility spell? The freckled mare looked mentally worn down, and her shame was worn clear on her face. She looked at all of us on the stage—her gaze lingering on myself and Apple Bloom longer than any other—before turning her attention to everypony gathered in the square.

It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Ah know yer all expecting me ta beg an' plead for yer forgiveness, an' say how sorry Ah am. That it won't happen again," she said slowly into the microphone, looking dead-eyed out at the crowd. "Cain't rightly be askin' for somethin' ah ain't sure Ahm ready to give mahself, though. What Ah did to Anon was downright evil, no matter why it happened."

As I looked out at the crowd, I felt a moment of anxiety. Although most of them were watching the farmpony, there were more than a few eyes on me. Crescent Helm and his wife were having a hushed discussion while shooting glances at me. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were down in the front with their respective parents or guardians. Down in the back of the town square, almost out of sight, there was a silvery pegasus filly watching intently; when I made eye contact with her, it occurred to me that I wasn't sure if hers were blue or green, or some bright, vivid shade in between. I felt a prickle of recognition in the back of my mind, but a name wouldn't come.

Finally, AJ broke her attention and turned to look at me. "Ah cain't beg fer what Ah don't deserve," she murmured, meeting my eyes once before looking out into the crowd. "Nah, Ah ask y'all to not let hurt fester in yer heart, eatin' away at ya until ya lash out like Ah did." Tears rimmed her eyes as she turned to regard Rarity. "If'n ya or somepony ya know's been through somethin' awful, learn from mah mistake. Don't box it away and pretend it ain't affectin' ya. Talk to somepony, get some help; do anything, so long as ya can deal with it head-on."

It was hard to read the expression on Rarity's face. Sadness? Pride? Neither? Both? "Ahm done runnin' from what ails me, an' Ahm already seekin' help." Again, she turned to me. "Anon?" I stepped forward, joining her at the podium. A few ponies in the crowd tensed, but nobody made a move. Even when she held out her hoof, no-one moved. "Ah won't ask ya ta forgive me. Ain't got the right. All Ah ask is that ya let me work to makin' it right."

I smiled up at her, and then reached out my hoof to bump it. "Applejack, I wouldn't forgive you even if you had asked," I replied, earning the surprised and confused gasps from much of the audience. "From where I stand, there's nothing to forgive." Looking out to everyone, I shrugged. That filly's gone. Why do I feel like I know her, though? "Sure, it wasn't right for you to smack me, but I understand the why behind what you did. You were hurting in a way I didn't even know, and there I went saying stupid sh-stuff. Needling at that sore spot like that? Of course you'd lash out." In spite of myself, I let out a chuckle. "To be fair, if I'd mouthed off like that to my 'father'—" The quotation marks were clear in my voice made several ponies around me flinch. "—he'd broken my fu-freaking jaw."

Ponies in the audience and on stage—especially those who didn't know me—were outraged at hearing that, but I waved it off, continuing. "I don't believe there's anything you could—or would be willing to—ever do to me to hurt me like he did, Applejack." With an uncharacteristically dark smile, I whispered, "I'm glad that monster's dead."

~ 15 ~

After the public apology concluded, it was decided that Twilight's friend group, and by extension their loved ones and/or charges, would gather at Applejack's place this evening for a celebration of her release. It'll probably run through the night, but since tomorrow's Wednesday, the girls will probably be sent to bed at a reasonable time. Still, it'd probably be more than enough time to have some fun with the girls. Maybe they'll even be responsible and bring their homework, so I can check over their maths.

Okay, it was mean to snicker at that thought, but let's be real; they're just children, and there was probably no way in hell they were gonna bring their homework. Well, Apple Bloom's would be there because she lives there, but it's not like she'd be all that thrilled if I asked her to whip out the mathematics so I could run through it with them to make sure they're getting it. Plus, she's gonna wanna spend time with her big sister. I should let her have that.

Before we could do that, though, Twilight and I split off, citing the need to have me looked over by a physician at Ponyville hospital. My mana depletion and near-entire day of sleep wasn't exactly something we could ignore, even if I was starting to get the impression that the hospital staff was getting upset with the number of visits I'd made in the last two weeks. I knew better than to think they'd blame Twilight and Starlight for me becoming a frequent flyer, but still... I knew people would talk.

You'd think with how serious the reason for visiting was, the visit itself would be more eventful. Even with the nice unicorn on staff—one appropriately named Dr. Horse, no less—looking me over, nobody was able to figure out what was wrong. My body temperature was a bit low, which could either have been because of the open window or a result of my lack of mana. A sample of my blood had been taken to be assessed, but it'd take at least until tomorrow. The only thing worth noting was that my reservoir was refilling nicely, even showing signs of significant growth. They still wanted me to hold off from doing any magic outside normal manipular field usage for a few days.

I didn't scream at the doctor when he suggested that, but I wanted to. Something I'd begun to notice was that I had an almost subconscious compulsion pushing me towards my magic studies, and not indulging it left me feeling antsy. I couldn't be sure, but a pony's mark—God but 'cutie mark' sounds dumb as shit!—definitely seemed to push ponies towards activities relevant to it. It wasn't to the point of obsession, but it was a strong enough force for me to notice and realise that this was going to be miserable if I couldn't practice and bug-test ideas. You could no sooner tell a pony not to follow their talent than you could tell them not to breathe, if I had to guess.

On the bright side, by the time we were leaving the hospital and on our way across town, I felt strong enough to walk entirely on my own, unaided by anyone else. That was good, because I was really feeling the need for some space. Since waking up I was feeling crowded. First, I'd woken up surrounded by ponies in my not-so-large room, almost skewering myself on the Moon Horse's pointy end. Then, I was closely watched while I ate. Spike wouldn't leave my side during the trip to the town square, right up until Starlight gave me a ride the rest of the way. Even on stage, it was really close quarters. I'm not surprised that I started feeling twitchy around hospital visit.

Thankfully, Twilight picked up on my agitation, and she allowed me to trail behind as we paraded through town. That's not to say she wasn't keeping an eye on me out of her peripheral vision. I was glad for the space and silence. With it, I could decompress a bit before being thrown back into a lively situation where I was surrounded and likely wouldn't have anywhere to retreat to until tomorrow.

That said, I did notice a lot more glances coming my way from ponies we passed in the streets. Their expressions were often unreadable, but occasionally, I caught hints of worry, pity, and fear. The first two I got; most of town had just been exposed to the fact that I had been abused by my father, only for me to act like it wasn't a big deal. Then again, maybe that was why they were scared? I was acting outside the norm of what they would expect for a foal my age, and had just made peace with AJ in—at least by my reckoning—a calm and mature manner.

I'm not a normal foal, though, I had to remind myself. There were years of trauma that I needed to unpack and handle in a healthy setting before I'd be able to approach being anywhere near normal. Even then, I would probably be having that 'abused filly' and 'too mature for her age' label resting on my withers for some time. That's alright though. Labels were a means of classification, sure, but I didn't have to abide by them. As long as nobody starts treating me differently.

As we passed the mouth of an alley, something caught my eye. A pair of vivid green eyes staring out at me. Due to the position of the sun, much of what was present in the alley was shrouded in shadow, but I recognised the shape: a filly, and a familiar one, at that. She was watching me in the town square before, but there was something I knew I was forgetting. A name was on the tip of my tongue, even though I wasn't sure I'd seen her before, and it made my head swim.

I paused in the street, not paying attention to whether Twilight was watching me. I needed to know who this pegasus was. The more I looked at her, the surer I grew that I'd met her before. Why can't I remember? Despite knowing better than to slink off when I was potentially ill, I found myself trotting into the alley, towards those beckoning eyes that seemed to shine in the darkness.

"Anon, where did you go?" Twilight's alarmed cry barely registered in my mind. "Anon!?"