Fallout Equestria: Lunar Archives
Chapter 10: Button’s Mom~

“That can’t be how they solve things around here!”

The sun sank low, wreathing Los-Pegasus in fading celestine ambers. The orange light and countless ruins cast shadows over the broken streets, stretching further with each passing minute as we ventured into the ‘Suburbs’.

“Seriously, it's true,” Moonstone replied, looking back “The races are just how the warlords settle things around here.”

“What happened to just killing each other?” I asked while the tiny princesses chased each other around my head in little swords and Viking helmets. “Hard to call them warlords if they aren’t running around with horned helmets killing each other. Ya know... war!”

“They still do plenty of that. The races just keep their worst impulses in check. It's kind of a uhh… What did mom call it?” He looked up to the sky. “Ahem~” he coughed getting into a voice. “A libertarian gangster paradise, where you have every freedom in the book if you don’t get your head blown off by a tweaker.”

“By my wings!” Lucy balked. “That’s just a fancy way of saying this place is an anarchist hellhole. The enclave should have just torched this place.”

“Hey, it's not THAT lawless.” he added “I like to call it the law of common decency. Or as some might call it…”

“Don’t be a dick?” I asked in the back taking notes.

“Exactly! Don’t be a dick.”

Lucy still disliked the idea “That's just anarchy with an honor code! Trusting raiders not to murder you cause it would be a ‘dick move’?!”

Moonstone sighed and relented “Well I never said this was a nice place to live now did I?”

“He’s got you there.” I pondered “So basically we’re allowed to do anything and everything here? Say what you want, do what you want, make what you want, lie, cheat, steal… it’s all okay if not encouraged?”

“Yep, just cause the bombs dropped doesn’t mean Los Pegasus stopped being Equestria’s playground. Sure the war killed everypony, but when they crawled out of the ruins like radroaches they found a city full of food, booze, and toys. It’s been a free-for-all ever since.” He explained painting a pretty vivid picture of what the early days after the war must have been like. Where everypony else was struggling to survive ponies here found a liquor-fueled amusement park.

“Sounds… fun…and bucking dangerous,” I said hesitantly to tune out the periodic gunshots of said free-for-all.

Lucy huffed and trotted ahead of me. “Don’t side with him dear, I’m still trying to hold you at a higher degree of respect than the average wastelander.”

Moonstone rolled his eyes and continued mainly looking at me. “There are a few rules in Applewood actually, unwritten obviously, but most ponies abide by them. Like no raiding a warlord's main settlement, go downtown at your own risk, respect the results of the races, and if a warlord steps out of line everypony kicks their ass.”

“This place would never make it as a stable.” I thought aloud writing down all the rules and social norms of this wild region….land?...place? “What's wrong with downtown?”

“Aside from the corrupted cloud generators spewing radioactive fog 24/7?” Moonstone asked.

I blinked “The fu-…Yes…aside from that.”

“It’s swarming with feral pegasus ghouls. They’re like rad-piranhas that can fly. As soon as they detect something edible they descend from the towers and attack.” he added.

“That sounds...How do people live here?! And what's a ra-piranha?” I looked downtown where glowing fog wafted down between leaning towers with specks buzzing around them like flies.

“Simple, They live everywhere else. Downtown is only for the brave and stupid.”

“Noted..” I looked down at my book, writing ‘death’ above my doodle of the city skyline, and circled the center… many times. Flawless~

We passed dozens of former homes, each with little fences, rusty mailboxes, and autowagon wrecks scattered about. Suburbs they were called, endless houses with tiny yards, built for ponies flocking to the city during the war. The equestrian dream, four walls, a roof, an auto wagon, and married with two and a half foals… I have serious medical concerns for that half a foal.

“So this is how ponies used to live huh?” I asked trying to break the monotony. “Anything unique and interesting I should tell my stable about… all the ruined houses?”

“Well, While they are good for scrapping, some have food, small arms, and if you’re lucky functional kitchen appliances. I found this electric juicer once that-”

“She’s bored Moonstone.” Lucy rolled her eyes. “This is probably the longest she’s gone without being endangered or high.”

“Once!” I pointed out. “I overdose one time and suddenly it's a cornerstone of my personality?”

Lucy shrugged her wings so nonchalantly “And how are we supposed to know that? Addicts lie about their drug history all the time. Tragic really, that such a fate has befallen you I mean.”

I squinted, thinking of all the ways I was going to bap her. “I-”

Lucy sighed in exasperation. “It’s a joke dear, calm down. Poking fun at the local berry addict is just what friends do right?”

“No! Your jokes are bad!” I protested, "and the hell is a berry? Is it the fruit or new drug slang I need to write down?"

“Oh… “ she drooped for a moment “Well be that way then. Turn on your radio, or play one of those silly pip-buck games if you can do so without tripping on your face.” she said ignoring my questions.

“I’m not gonna trip on my fa-...did you say radio?”

Lucy rolled her eyes “Am I purple?”

“Are you a smartass?”

“I prefer wise and worldly with exemplary social reflexes.” she retorted, hoof to her chest.

“Smartass, got it!”

Lucy growled and trotted ahead of Moonstone, who simply watched her go up the steadily growing incline of the road. “Lucky this is the way we have to go…”

With my best 3-legged walk, I looked down at my pipbuck. I’d forgotten it had a radio…and a map…and a flashlight.. and that it was even there for a while. All of these functions were super useful, but I never got into the habit of checking them. When you know every hallway, the only radio station is an alarm clock, and every room in the stable is lit… a pipbuck loses a lot of memorable functions.

It took longer than I’d care to admit to find which knob opened the radio tab, but there were signals! Plenty of weak ones… and two strong enough for the pipbuck to name. ‘Early Warning System’ and ‘Wasteland-radio (DJ-Pon3)'. I shrugged, what do I have to lose? My sanity? The turn of a knob and static later I heard a smooth stallion's voice.

Zzzzt~

“-se routes clearing up, trade between the Capital-Wasteland and Stalliongrad grows safer by the day. I’d still recommend bringing a coat folks, frostbite can be as deadly as any raider. In other news, President Gawd of the NCR announced today that with the new election system finalized, she will not be running for reelection. A great day for democracy indeed. Though I suspect her daughter Regina is setting up for a landslide election if the wasteland rumor mill is to be believed. Remember folks, she might get upset if you start calling her princess.”

I stared down at the radio menu, ears twitching as I watched the wobbly lines of incoming signal. “Uhh… what’s democracy?”

Moonstone having caught up to Lucy looked back again. “It’s where everypony casts a vote to pick who’s in charge every few years.”

“Hopefully the NRC actually listened to the enclave about how to set up a proper senate. Something better than a bunch of cap-hungry savages locked in a room.” Lucy grumbled keeping pace ahead.

I had so many new things I’d have to explain to the stable! “But.. but.. What about princesses? The monarchies? The nobility I was told about?”

“Dead as a doornail, unfortunately.” Lucy sighed and flipped her mane from her face, “Aside from a few broken remnants of pre-war nobility that is. Enclave recon reported most of their connections to the princesses were as frayed as your mane. They're just glorified hoarders waving nobility around as a justification for anything. Looting, slavery, backstabbery, art hoarding, you name it… all in the name of their ‘noble birthright’.” she air quoted with her pinion feathers.

“Oh… I'm gonna have to find a way to explain all this to- what was that about my mane?”

“For those of you who are just now tuning in, we've had quite a good week here in the equestrian wasteland. Raiders are diein’, trade is risin’, and we haven't had a world-ending catastrophe in at least a month. Knock on wood.” Que two woody thumps. “Well, At least I think this desk is wood. But you wanna know what is real? Both how comfy my new swivel chair is and the commotion kicking up out west. I’m tellin’ ya folks the Applewood wasteland’s always been a rowdy place, but tensions are higher than Gawd’s blood pressure. As profitable as the Aqua cura routes are, I’d advise like always to avoid that boneyard. I’ve got a confidential report saying talks between the NCR and the regional warlords have started backsliding again after a skirmish broke out in BubbleTown a few days ago leaving three gangers dead.”

Hey, I was just there!

“Also out in the Wild-Mild-West, Some cannibal raiders along route 10 finally got what they deserved. That's right everypony, the Stone brothers are dead, The middle brother's iconic 50cal pipe rifle was seen being sold at market, and get this, my sources tell me the caps from that little sale went into buying a pair of saddle bags for a cute mare traveling with our unknown hero. Ain't that just sweet? The bounties have yet to be claimed.”

“Wait a minute…” I looked between the wobbly lines of the radio screen and the rears of the two ponies walking ahead of me. “He said he gave her the caps to go shopping before he sold it…then again he was gone a long time.” I mumbled to myself pondering.

“A great moment for Enclave remnants and scavengers everywhere. The previously missing raptor ‘Fog Bank’ has finally been found. After a year missing in action post-Operation Cauterize,’ it was discovered amidst one of the two wildfires that have inexplicably broken out along Route 10. With no Pip-dar reports on lightning in the area it can only be assumed the fires were pony-made. Accident or not the Lightbringer is still dousing the flames as it spreads closer to settlements.”

I winced. “Ohhh… right…the fires… hsss… I thought they’d go out on their own.”

“Whoever did it may have gotten away but they need to remember that fires don’t usually go out on their own, they can spread and kill a lot of ponies just trying to survive.”

I cringed even further upon myself. “Yeah, I’m very aware of that now…”

“That pony is probably cringing in upon themselves right now hearing their little screw-up made wasteland news.”

“I am..” I squeaked shrinking further.

“I’d put good caps that they were just walking along, checking out their traveling companion's flanks, and just happened to turn on the radio at just the right moment to hear this story.”

“I…I wasn't staring..” I looked around as this was suddenly getting pretty weird… I wasn’t checking out their…okay maybe a little, but Lucy stares at Moonstone’s flank too!

“Maybe they’re freaking out right now cause this all sounds super specific and they’re wondering ‘How does this strange radio pony know exactly what I’m doing right now?’ they might even be shaking in their comically large glasses.”

“Okay, that's too specific! Where are you?! My glasses aren’t comically large!” I spun around trying to spot a camera or some buck hiding with a ham-radio that likes to mess with me. “The fires were an accident! It's not my fault ghosts don't know how to put out fires!” I shook my hoof at the hidden pony somewhere around me.

“That’s right I’m talking about you, walking the burbs of Applewood right now, getting all cute and defensive. Don't you know? DJpon3 is all-seeing, all-knowing, and I know exactly who you are and where you are my little firebug.”

Okay, I reserve the right to freak out now, where is he!? He had to be somewhere! Am I losing my mind?! He’s in this trash can! He has to be! Just a confused-looking radroach...

“That’s right, The voice on the pipbuck knows your name too. And you better bet we’re coming for you…” He paused and I heard a chair creak. “SilverSpoons.”

I blinked feeling my heart just let go and fall into my stomach. My jaw hung open as my soul escaped my lungs and my hind legs shook a little. A brief chuckle came over the radio.

“Hahaa~ ohh that's funny. Some high-as-a-kite stallion named Silverspoon probably just had a heart attack.”

“That’s not funny!” I growled down at the pipbuck, my cheeks burning. I wasn’t scared! I’m just upset about what the radio personality did to poor Silverspoon! Yeah, that’s it! Buck these psychological warfare horseapples!

“Harmless fun aside folks, I have a few tips to get you through the night. Stick with your friends, keep fighting the good fight, and if you happen to be traveling through raider country, be on the lookout for toll booths and checkpoints. Hard to tell who got the idea first, but the NCR are the only ponies who should be shaking down travelers for ‘taxes’. Be on the lookout, and if you get caught in one, don't give them a reason to kill you, your best bet is to just pay them and move on…unless you’re carrying more guns than Blackjack or Jerry-Can the Third.”

Hey, that’s actually useful information…I wonder if it’s in Ditzy’s survival guide?

“Now that shameless advertising for the wasteland survival guide is checked off, I got homage over in the corner doing that neck-slicing gesture. Must be time to stop. And now she's facehoofing and walking away… Grabbing the basket of cookies she made for the Lightbringer…- hey now! threatening me with a wiffle bat isn't going to- ack! *wap!* stop! *wap!!* Not near the equipment- *wap!* I pay you!” *Wap* -BZZZZzzz!!

Some scratchy microphone fumbling later a mare's voice came up. “Sorry about that, We’re having some technical difficulties here at the station. Please enjoy this Velvet-Remedy rendition of Sweetie-Belle’s ‘It’s All Over, but the Crying’. This is DJ Pone3’s assistant signing him off for the evening. Now listen here you little-” Zzzt~

The music began to flow with subtle piano notes and a steady strum backing it up. A gentle mare’s voice took over about the time my hoof steps synced up with the rhythm.

“Its all Oveeer~ But the cryiiiing~

And nobody's crying but me~

Friends all over, know I'm trying~

To forget about how much I care for youuu~”

“Well, that was an emotional rollercoaster… I don't know if I should be creeped out or impressed.” I gave one last squinty glance around at the surrounding ruins looking for any sign of a lone stallion with a portable radio fucking with me. Nothing, Just the sad creak of a mailbox door swaying in the breeze.

Giving up, I caught up with Lucy and Moonstone and whistled innocently as I got nice and comfortable trotting between the two of them. “So uhh… how much of that did you-”

“All of it darling,” Lucy answered scanning over the countless leveled houses.

“Oh… what about the-”

“The flank staring? Yeah, we heard that too.” Moonstone added checking out the opposite row of houses.

I fell back a little feeling a lot of self-consciousness running towards my muzzle. “I uhh… should I just-”

Lucy looked back “Sit awkwardly in the back of the marching order cause a radio personality threw you under the sky bus?”

“He threw you under the bus too…pretty sure I’ve seen you staring at Moonstone’s chiseled ass too.” I’m not the only one going down because of this!

Lucy scoffed and pressed a wing to her chest. “Me? Take an interest in such an earthly creature as him? I'd be the laughingstock of my entire squad. Father would never live it down and the family reputation would be ruined! ”

Geez this is the most indignant mare I’ve ever met…

“If I wanted to sully myself that badly I’d throw myself marehood first into a raider den and accomplish the same effect. I mean honestly, suggesting Me? With Him? Some ponies should never be allowed near a radio dear Sketchy…” she huffed. “Don’t be one of them.”

“I’m right here you know..” Moonstone glowered showing three flavors of grump. “I'd say you need to fly home and collect the manners you forgot, But you’d have to be able to fly straight first.”

“I can too fly!” She barked back leaving me to duck down under the verbal exchange like I could somehow dodge the words.

“Like a brick!” he shot back. “You’ve got a turn radius almost as wide as your aim!”

“Oh lovely, now the surface barbarian is insulting my aim too. What do you do hmm? Swing that hunk of junk around like a cavemare?”

“At least I can hit the target with my AXE!”

“Well yeah, I’d hope you could hit them at point-blank range. It's the only way to justify something as moronic as melee!”

Moonstone jabbed her chest fluff with a hoof. “This stupid melee thing has saved your life at least six times in the past two weeks! Where you couldn't hit a single raider with those cap siphons if the raiders were used as barn paint.”

“Why yes, I am quite grateful for the assistance in dispatching all the raiders. You made my handling of them a little easier. Is that what you wanted to hear you brute?” she asked gingerly batting his hoof away.

“Guys?..” I squeaked in the background trying to get their attention.

“No, but a thank you would be nice!” He poked her again with the same hoof.

“I’ll consider a thank you when you stop touching me with those filthy hooves!” she shoved it away again.

“Guys!” I tried louder.

“Filthy hooves? I’ve washed my hooves more times than you have this whole trip! My hooves are too dirty for you but my ass certainly seems clean enough for you to ogle at?!”

“At no point have I ever ogled anything of yours! You’re the one who can't keep his degenerate eyes off of me!”

“GUYS!!” I yelled head tilted to the heavens to see if the princesses would at least hear me. The small ones holding their ears certainly did.

“What?!” They both answered in unison looking back at me.

“We’re at a fucking raider toll booth!” I pointed behind them!

They both looked back ahead finally noticing the scrap metal barricade spanning the width of the street between two collapsed storefronts. A dozen raiders as spike-covered as their tetanus hazard barricade looked on in amusement from varying points along the wall. Most of them had knives and pipes, a few of them had pistols, and one of them had snacks..a hoof-full of pre-war popcorn halfway to his mouth when we noticed him. Hanging from two pseudo-towers on both sides of the chain-link gate were a pair of banners. Three vertical red smears.

“Oh…” my two ‘friends’ said in unison.

A green leather-bound uni-mare with a pipe pistol spoke first. “Oh, please don’t stop on our account. This is the most entertainment we’ve gotten since we were sent to this post. Well marginally more entertaining than watching that one crazy ghoul do her shopping.”

Lucy’s eyes slowly looked back to Moonstone, Anger having melted away to a deer-in-headlights look before she nudged him on the back with a wing. “Looks like you’re up my highly experienced surface guide. Do that thing you do where you pay the smelly raiders to go away.”

“Hey! I don’t smell!” Protested the raider with the popcorn.

“Shut the fuck up Grime!” yelled the green uni-raider. “If I can smell you from here the prissy pega bitch definitely smelled you down the street.”

“What did you just call me-” Lucy started only to catch a ‘filthy hoof’ over her muzzle again.

Moonstone sighed in a level of defeat that betrayed just how many times he and Lucy had ended up in this scenario. “Celestia’s tits, what’s your going rate out here this time? Can’t be that high if Club Street hasn’t shown up to push you off a profitable route.”

The mare rolled her eyes. “Ughh.. it was Cherri’s idea. I know bread crumbs are still bread but nopony but roaches and coo-coo ghouls fucking live out here. 20 caps a head to continue on your merry journey. We take caps, chems, courage, and cunts… you know the spiel.” she sounded as burnt out with robbing ponies as a mare manning 83’s general store.

While Moonstone grumbled and fished through his bags it left me to sit in the background not only broke, but also wondering. ‘Why aren't they just robbing us for everything they have?’. I don't know when but I subconsciously hovered out my archive and started taking notes alongside a doodle of the barricade.

The popcorn-loving raider was surprisingly the most vigilant of the group up in his tower of lawn chairs. “Eyy boss.. What that stable mare doin’? She takin’ notes ah what we got?”

His notice drew a curious eye from the mare up front. “Got us a studious one do we? And just when I thought we weren’t worthy spyin’ on. Eyy! Yeah you, skrunkly looking nerd ass in the back. What outfit you work for?”

The degree to which I was internally swearing would turn a few pages of my archive black with censor. What was I gonna do? Tell them I was taking note of everything in the wasteland?! I needed to come up with a perfectly believable pile of horseapples and fast. “Oh, I uhh…” I adjusted my glasses to play up the weak and flimsy nerd bit and coughed. “I-i’m not with any erm... Outfit as you put it. I’m just new to Applewood and thought it would be a good idea to take note of local prices and…stuff..” I worked that winning smile while slowly closing my book.

“Is that so?” She pried Still eyeing me up suspiciously, while Moonstone did his best to stay physically between us and the raiders.

Chapter 10 of Dad’s big book of social manipulation. Lying is bad, but if you have to lie, the best lies are mixed with the truth, the more truth the better. The lie also being somewhat embarrassing can also lower your target’s guard. Cause ‘There’s no way a liar would use a lie that makes them look bad. Right?’ Thanks, Dad!

“I kinda figured it would be a good idea to keep track of what the going toll rates are around Applewood. That way I know the cost-to-speed ratio of anywhere I wanna go and can prepare caps accordingly.” I think I lost Grime somewhere around the word ratio. “I mean... The guys on the highway wanted a hundred caps each and to uhh.. pardon my Prench” I coughed into a hoof. “Sodomize my ass like a lubed-up squeaky toy.”

[Success!] While Lucy looked the most taken aback by the degenerate falsehoods I fabricated, the mare in charge bought it… for the wrong reasons! “Jeez, A hundred a head? No wonder we're getting traffic out here. Nopony’s willing to pay that much. I mean a solo traveler might have that much, maybe. But ain't no caravan in the wasteland carry enough caps to cover that.”

Right, sure, be more concerned by the price and not the idea of your competition raping me… goddess damn raiders. “So can we go or…”

“After the trip out here… I have 50… and you two are broke.” Moonstone lamented with the small baggie of caps in hoof.

The mare glared back at him, her gun always seemed to follow where she was looking. “50 ain’t 60.” The magic around her gun cocking it.

“I’m aware.” Moonstone glared back, he had at least a foot over the raider-corn but we were still outnumbered 4 to 1.

“Eyy boss,” Called Grime. “Stable mare gave me an idear’, I’ll cover the last 10 caps iffin’ they let me plow that posh pegasus he got with 'em. Ah heard fuckin’ a turkey is like fuckin a pillow.”

Lucy’s revulsion was only outpaced by the raider-mare’s snap back. “Didn't I tell you to shut up grime?” before casually looking back to Moonstone. “His annoying ass aside, offering up the pega bitch would let you lot pass. Would only take 5 minutes… maybe three and a tumble down some stairs,” she suggested.

Grime disagreed “Buck you! I can do an hour!”

Moonstone glared and growled at them both. “How about 50 caps, and a bottle of clean water since I doubt any of you have had non-liquor in days?”

She pressed the gun closer. “Water ain't one of the four C’s. Courage..is Liquor!”

“It is after the race two months ago. When the Noble’s driver gave yours a new window in the forehead. Or are we not following the warlords' rules out here?” he countered stamping a hoof.

She growled louder before finally pulling the gun back. “Fine! Give us the caps and water and get outta here.”

“Deal,” he grunted staring down the raider. Tensions were high, everypony was on edge, and the handing over of caps and a Sparkle-cola bottle full of water went as swiftly as hooves could manage.

“Cherri Streams thanks you for your bucking patronage.” She said begrudgingly. “Now get out of here, next time I see you I might not be so amicable.” with a sharp hoof wave two of the raiders cambered down from their posts and pushed the chain fencegate out of the way.

“Let's go girls.” Moonstone motion for us to follow…which we did, swiftly!

We’d gotten about 5 yards past the gate, ready to leave the raiders in the rearview when the situation took a nose dive for the worse.

“Wait just a mare-fucking second…” started the raider mare “I’d recognize that flank n’ titanic bit-bag anywhere.”

“Oh no…” Moonstone mumbled under his breath. Did they recognize him?

Unfortunately, they did. “Moonstone! Baby!~ Where’ve you been? Cherri’s been missing you something fierce.” We all looked back to see the raiders gathering, drawing knives, clubs, and pipe guns.

Moonstone turned to face them. “You know damn well I want nothing to do with that mare.”

“Yeah but, Cherri wants everything to do with you.” she grinned. “If we bring you in I'd probably get promoted to lieutenant or something, buck Whip-lash in the dock on the way up.”

“Yeah or somethin’!” Grime chimed in.

“So why don't you come quietly, and nobody gets hurt…too much.”

I was not expecting to get into a mexicolt standoff today, reflexively I tried to whip out my flintlock but the raider-mare’s pipe-gun fired and hit the road next to me kicking up asphalt. “Eep!”

“I said quietly, didn’t I? Now come on over before your little friends die.” she threatened cocking another round.

“How about no?” Moonstone scowled.

“WHAT?!” Lucy turned to him wide-eyed. “You’d rather they kill me?!”

“You’re not really in a position to negotiate here bucker. That royal-guard-looking ass of yours is going back to the boss on a silver fucking platter. The longer you resist the longer I consider selling those two to Marebreaker.”

Who in Tartarus names their kid Marebreaker?! Wait.. maybe it's a nickname… That's almost as bad!

Moonstone took a step forward. “I think I’m very much in a position to negotiate. Go ahead, try and kill them. Just realize that if you do, I won't stop swinging this axe till you're all dead. I’ll kill at least a few of you before you drop me with those dinky pistols. But who’s going to explain to Cherri how I got damaged? Or worse, killed?”

The raiders gave pause and started looking between their weapons and their boss. Why couldn't they hurt him? Would they risk their lives to try and capture a greataxe swinging stallion unharmed?

The mare looked to her band and went from a glare to a grimace, and from a grimace to bared teeth before throwing the pipe pistol to the ground. “Damn it! You’re all a bunch of cowards you know that? There's a dozen of you! Just grab him!” she ordered but the raiders seemed to be far more afraid of this ‘Cherri’ than of her.

Moonstone turned and started walking again, Lucy and I in tow. “Hey, Moonstone… What was uhh…”

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” he answered curtly, looking straight ahead. He seemed cold, like stone. That normally super helpful attitude was buried under whatever these raiders brought up.

“Right…” Was all I said in response, scratching my mane as we walked. I don’t know who Cherri is, but if taking him back to her was a threat, not to mention all the jabs and jeers about his looks and endowments, I could make a few guesses. It bothered him, and seeing him upset made me feel… something odd. I wasn’t the target but I felt upset too, disgusted even, and the longer I thought about it, the worse I got. My teeth were gritting and I don't know when I started. I had to do something… I had to do something or it felt like this sensation in my chest would never go away. Tulip… this felt like Tulip again.

Lucy noticed my state first “Sketchy, darling, are you alright?” She sounded concerned.

“I-I'm fine,” I said choking down the feeling as we walked. I had to do something.

“No, you’re not. You’re practically hyperventilating. What’s wrong?”

I had to do something. “Lucy..”

“Yes, dear?...”

I NEED to do something. “The SMG’s on your battle saddle thingy. They’re held in place with those metal latches right?”

“I umm.. I don’t see what this has to do with the situation-”

“Do they?!” I repeated glaring at the streets ahead of us like Moonstone as we walked.

“Yes, it's just the three latches on each, but why do-”

That’s all I needed. “Kay thanks.” I was going to do something! Something most ponies would say was completely mental. Amber light wrapped around the guns and boxes strapped to Lucy’s sides. Several rapid clicks later, the guns popped off the saddle and hovered over me. “I’ll be right back… I just wanna talk to ‘em.” I turned around.

“H-hey!” Lucy protested seeing her guns fly off. “Daddy gave me those!”

“Sketchy! What are you doing?!” Moonstone turned to stop me but it was too late.

“I just wanna talk to 'em!” I never knew how satisfying racking the slide on a gun sounded until just now. Cli-Click!~

I felt…Powerful~ Like a god... an angry god!

The gaggle of raiders were still standing around our side of their barricade getting yelled at by their nameless unicorn boss, and if I had anything to do with it she was going to remain nameless. “Hey, captain fucknutter and the dingus brigade! I’d like to have a word!”

I said I was going to have ‘A’ word… and as a mare of my word, that’s exactly what I did. I gave them one word when they saw me and the boss raider said. “The He- Oh Shit!”

Author's Note

('It's All Over But The Crying' is public domain! who knew?)