The Universe Hates You Specifically

They’d moved from the lounge and into the dining room to sit at the table. Luna was restlessly twirling a pen with her magic, and Bea’s aching desire to get some sleep in a proper bed was only barely beat out by her curiosity.

“Ok, I’ll go first.” Bea mumbled, lethargically rolling the words around her mouth. “How old are you? Being a princess and all, you’ve probably been around a while.”

She studied the room, picking out details in the grain of the woodwork, the way the treated stone floor came together- the silence didn’t quite reach her at first, but when it did, it hit hard. She looked up at the mare across from her. Luna’s face had gone stony, and Bea realised she might as well have hit her. “Actually- scratch that. Tell me about where you ruled; your subjects; your domain.”

All princesses have a domain- something more than just a kingdom or subjects to rule over; an Alicorn’s role was to maintain balance over their domain, and everyone affected by it.

At this, Luna’s eyes lit up, and a fog visibly lifted from her mind. “I was the Princess of The Night.” Bea put her hoof up, and Luna mock sighed. “Yes, Ms. Lulamoon?”

“What do you mean by ‘of The Night?’”

Luna looked at her strangely. “Ok, fine then. Princess of the Moon.” She received another blank look and threw her hooves up in exasperation. “Dreams! I’m the Princess of Dreams! Does that work for you?”

“Oh, ok. Yeah, alright, that’s pretty neat.”

The Dream Princess quickly overcame her frustration and smiled at her. “Yes, I thought so too. Quite neat indeed. Anywyas-”

“SHUTUP.”

“That was before I ended up stuck here.” Even as she jokingly pulled an exaggerated face to put emphasis on her plight, Bea was raising a hoof to stop her- Luna sighed and motioned for her to go ahead.

“Oh yeah! Earlier you said you’re not a ghost, but like, y’know… it seems like you’re playing by ghost rules.” This got a laugh out of Luna, but she quickly recovered.

She playfully waved off Bea with a hoof, “Hush, I still haven’t finished answering your first question- and besides: I get to ask the next question. Those are the rules.”

“I don’t like these rules.” Although Bea whispered, Luna clearly still heard her, as evidenced by the grin that broke out on her face. Regaining her composure, she continued from where she had been interrupted.

“Before retirement was prematurely forced upon me, I ruled over Canterlot, and by extension, the rest of Equestria, as well as the Crown Equestrian Territories.”

Bea blinked. That didn’t quite make sense to her.

“I thought that was like, the uhh- 'Sun' princess's whole thing?” She interjected carefully, not wanting to push any buttons. Royals tended to be a little sensitive when it came to questioning their power. At least that’s how they were in the stories she’d read. Although, now that she thought about it, those particular works had not been accurate to Luna at all.

Luna was totally unphased by Bea’s internal monologue. “My sister? Well I-

“YOUR SISTER?”

“Yes. We technically ruled together, but if we're talking candidly, in honesty I let her do most of the ‘princess’ work- I was happy to administer my domain and work on things behind the scenes.”

Bea’s brain was struggling with this information.

“Your sister?” She squeaked out.

“Ok.” Luna crossed her hooves. “It’s definitely my turn now.” She considered the decidedly odd unicorn sitting across from her, and tapped her chin thoughtfully. What to ask?

“What exactly is it that you do for a living?” Luna placed a hoof on top of the table, switching into interrogation mode. Timidly, Bea raised her own hoof, already working on developing a believable ruse. Luna cut her off by slamming her other hoof down next to the first.

“How do you end up in my forest, on the verge of death-” Bea tried to stop her again, but it appeared that Luna was no longer accepting interruptions. “Why is it that the first thing you did when you regained consciousness was to HOLD A FUNERAL FOR A PEGASUS?” Bea cringed; Luna was really building up steam now and her stream of questions was providing the fuel for some pretty heavy introspection on Bea’s part. What the hell was her life.

“Why do you have so many scars, and why do some of them look intentional? Why don’t you know what the moon is? Or the concept of night and day?” Luna panted, her outburst stopping for a moment. She saw Bea moving to answer, and spoke between heavy breaths; “I’m not done yet.”

“Yeah, actually; you are. That was like, five questions. Totally unfair.” Bea boredly pretended to check her hoof for dirt, until Luna finally took a moment to breathe. “But I’m generous, so I’ll give you some answers. Only short ones though.” At the look Luna gave her, she clarified in a cool tone, as if speaking to a foal “To balance things out.”

She was decided. She was gonna tell the truth. Mostly.

“First of all- ‘your’ forest? Yeesh.”

Luna countered pointedly, peering at Bea over her librarian’s glasses. “Technically, I used to own the majority of Equestria.”

Bea smiled sweetly. “Operating word is ‘used to’, sister.”

“That’s two words.” Luna responded, still continuing to peer at her.

“Pfft. AnyWAYS.” Despite the emphasis she put upon avoiding the oratory stumble, the princess giggled at her again. Bea shook her head indignantly, but in truth she didn't really mind that much. At least she got to hear Luna’s laugh.

“I guess you could say I’m a Witch. Mainly I provide aid to people, whether that entails actual medical treatment, or simply helping them with various things in their daily lives.” She took a moment to make sure Luna was paying attention. She was enraptured, only taking her eyes off Bea to scribble things down in her notes.

“It usually ends up being a quid pro quo kind of relationship, which is all well and good, but I can’t reliably support myself on that alone, so I also do a little work as a merc.” Bea grabs her glass of water, takes a gulp, and sets it down- intentionally missing the coaster. It only stays on the bare tabletop for a moment once Luna notices and snatches it up.

“Which is kinda of the reason I ended up here. In ‘your’ forest. I was trying to buy a certain book off this guy- a bit of a sleazeball, but he’s usually a good fixer. Usually.” Catching Luna’s gaze, she interrupted herself- “A fixer is somepony wh-“

“I know what a fixer does.” Luna responded coyly, a little smile pulling up the corners of her mouth.

Huh. Bea thought to herself. That was a little bit spooky, but also very cool.

“Right. So, he scammed me, and tried to sell me out to the cops.” She facehoofed, having forgotten a pretty glaring detail. “Oh yeah- also I’m kind of a wanted criminal? It’s complicated.”

“Complicated? I would expect nothing less from you. You seem a very interesting mare, Beatrix.”

“Sure. Whatever.” Despite her bluster, she was actually pretty chuffed at the indirect compliment. Or maybe it was a subtle dig at her? It didn’t really matter what the intent was, she was taking it as a compliment.

“As I was saying; I kinda knew he was trying to pull a fast one on me, but for some reason I decided that I was gonna have faith in the goodness of other ponies’ hearts. I beat up his goons, but then the EEF showed up. They chased me through the woods behind Moore’s Vale, and then we ended up at where Sal- the guy I was making the deal with- had stashed my money, and the book.”

Luna nodded, clearly waiting for her to go on. Beatrix wet her lips, and cleared her throat before going on with a shaky voice. “He, uhh, had my money… but it became apparent that he’d never had the book in the first place. And then one of the stallions that were tailing me showed up. And I-“ Her voice broke.

Luna reached across the table and put a hoof on her shoulder to console her. Bea was shocked to find that she was solid, despite her translucent appearance. Emboldened and surprised by the contact, she continued.

“I- I killed him. I wasn’t careful enough and I got angry and forgot to control my magic and he died and it was MY fault!” The tears streamed down Bea’s face freely as Luna came round the table to hold held her, gently shushing her all the while.

Bea felt something heavy- the crown- land on her head, and felt herself being picked up. Luna kept speaking, but yet again, she was far, far away, and only getting further as sleep sunk its hooks into her. Succumbing to unconsciousness, she dreamt of princesses and the castles they lived in.