The Universe Hates You Specifically

“Somethin’ ain’t right.” Edgar checked the time again. A full run of the clock had gone by, and there was still no word from Sterling.

The clerk eyed him warily. “GAH! Consarnit!” He swung his fist wildly at the wall in an attempt to vent his frustrations- only managing to create a hefty dent with the imprint of his hand. “Shit!”

Nobody tried to stop him as he stormed outside, a long groan coming from the clerk was the only sign that he’d been noticed at all.

In summation; the EEF branch office had been far from helpful.

“Something ain’t right!”

At first they had told him to just wait- his partner would either show up, or he’d be assigned a new one- the mare behind the desk had lazily chewed on the end of a pencil as she’d told him to ‘enjoy the time off work’.

Then he’d asked her to at least make a note of it, for the sake of good record-keeping. She’d begrudgingly humoured his request, until he dropped Sterling’s name.

“Oh.” She had said flatly.

“Oh? Whaddya mean, ‘Oh.’?” His optimism got the better of him. Maybe Sterling was fine, but the chase had led him so far away that it made more sense for him to debrief at a different office.

She lowered her voice before continuing. “It’s probably for the best you just wait for a new partner and don’t look back.”

The words still swam around his head now as he paced about on the street. Someone had yelled about the noise made by the clack of his talons on the cobblestone, and he’d yelled back at them.

He wasn’t giving up on Sterling.

~~~

“And so then I said to her; No, you have chicken mouth!” Warm laughter greeted Edgar as he cautiously opened the door and stepped into the bar. He would have liked to have made a grander entrance, but considering what had happened last time, he figured he’d play it safe.

“Oh, hey kid. What’s shakin’?” Sal was polishing a tankard with a well-worn rag as he waved him over. “Sterling showed his sorry mug yet?” Edgar curtly shook his head, and as Sal registered the concern on his face, the greasy stallion laughed, throwing his head back.

Wiping a tear from his eye, he reached out with a hoof and clapped Edgar on the shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry yourself about him, if I were you, I’d be far more concerned about anyone that gets in between him and completing his mission.” He shook his head, slapping the mug down on the bar’s surface. “Silly bastard dun’ know how to die.”

Edgar was only half listening. Again, more vague answers that only served to confuse him. How could he just pretend that nothing had happened? It was unthinkable.

As Sal poured him a pint, Edgar’s brow knit in concentration. “By the way- where’d you send him?” He tried to play it cool, like one of the desperado cowboys from the thin paperback that he’d picked up at a quaint little book shop a few towns back. He was being so cool.

While Edgar downed the drink, Sal explained how to get to his ‘hideout’, with a warning that he probably wouldn’t find much there, but that he still wasn’t going to stop him from going to check.

“How much do I owe ya?” Edgar had to bite his tongue to stop himself from chucking a ‘pardner’ on the end of his sentence.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. You already helped me with fixin’ up the door, which is more than most would do.” As Sal walked him to the exit, he surreptitiously added “Besides, you’re probably gonna need it. G’luck out there.”

And with that ominous suggestion spurring him onward, Edgar took wing.

~~~

Bea was wrapped in a cocoon of some kind. Soft, luxurious and altogether suffocating, she kicked out at the material ensconcing her, wildly flailing with all her limbs. A spike of pain juddered up her bad leg and she swore, knocking the bedside table as she threw off the sheets.

Luna blinked into existence and subsequently tumbled over as her crown hit the floor after rolling off the recently disturbed table. Bea, semi-upright amidst the covers of the bed, tried to act as if she was poised for action. Luna righted herself and rubbed her eyes blearily, yawning as she spoke. “Is it morning yet?”

“I don’t know what that means!” Bea growled, before realising just how ridiculous the situation was. Ugh. Memories of what happened earlier came swimming back. She’d cried in front of the princess. Again. So not cool. Not to mention she kept falling asleep- Luna probably thought she was narcoleptic by now.

She put a blue hoof up to her chest, took a deep breath, and pushed the hoof out and away from her body as she exhaled. Regaining her composure as she extricated herself from the bedclothes, she decided that she needed to do something to make it up to the princess.

Remembering how 'well' the alicorn’s attempts at… baking? Had turned out the last time she’d tried to make something for Bea to eat, an idea struck her. “Ok. How about I make us some breakfast.”

Luna looked shocked. “Oh! that won’t rea-”

Bea scooped up the crown and deposited it on her head, which oddly enough, made the sounds of Luna’s protests go silent. Limping towards the hall, she used some basic levitation magic to take some of the weight off her back leg, the wound on which, she noted, had been cleaned and dressed while she’d slept.

“How do you feel about pancakes? Personally, I’m feeling pancakes right now. You?” Luna gathered herself and began to speak but Bea just ignored her.

“Great! Pancakes it is. My mums have a killer recipe. With any luck I can remember it.” Luna just blinked, before cracking a little smile.

Damn, she missed her mum, who was no doubt working herself up into a real tizzy with her daughter being gone so long. With her mom still working abroad, her mum was all alone, and Bea worried just as much as she did.

~~~

Luna made a point of dashing into the dining room first to scoop up her notepad, hastily flipping it shut as Bea walked in. Yikes, her notes must have been harsher than her expression had suggested. “So,” Luna said hurriedly. “No more questions for now?”

Bea paused on her way by, before gently slugging the princess in the shoulder. Oh fuck, why did she just do that? Looking to make a quick recovery, she laughed it off “Haha… I uhh,” She glanced away, looking from the kitchen doorway back to the mare she’d been spending most of her time with recently. Luna didn’t seem to notice her internal panic, and so she calmed down a little. “Look, I guess we could talk about some more things.”

She set about the kitchen, grabbing various utensils and a pan, before looking around for the ingredients to get a mixture going. Where the hell does she keep the flour? “Hey, Luna, could you give me a hoof here?”

Shooting out of her seat, Luna looked around before her eyes settled on Bea, who had adorned herself with an apron she’d found and was currently rifling through the cabinets. “-buh?”

“I’ve managed to find some milk, butter and eggs- not many places you can put those other than the fridge, but I can’t find any sugar or flour.”

“-wuh?”

“Never mind, I found ‘em.” Bea struggled to grab the heavy jars from a high shelf in the pantry, standing on the tips of her hooves. “Seems a bit weird to me, putting them there, but hey! Not my house, I guess.”

“Yeah… I guess.” Luna sounded really out of it.

“So, the scars.” Bea put her elbows up on the countertop as she used her magic to measure out quantities of ingredients behind her. Luna stared at the precision with which she prepared the pancake mix without even looking at it. Bea rolled her head to the side, and then back to the other.

“I’m not gonna bother going through the story behind every single one of them, but the ones that caught your eye were probably the runes, sigils and glyphs. They’re three different schools of thought, but share the same core idea of using certain shapes and signs to evoke certain magic effects.” She said, holding up a hoof for inspection. “I mean, while they're technically scars, it's probably more accurate to call them tattoos.”

The symbols carved into her hoof weren't quite the same as her other scars- just at a glance, Luna could see that the two long marks on either side of her barrel had clearly come from a sharp weapon, or a vicious swipe from a pointed claw- they were obvious streaks of pink amidst the cobalt of her fur- something had attacked her in that case.

For the runes however, it was different. They weren’t glaring imperfections on her body; obvious marks from poorly healed wounds- but there was a difference in the texture and length of her coat there, neatly within carefully scribed characters. There was a definite art to them, even if it was a little brutal for Luna's taste.

“These runes are mostly protective. They bolster my vitality, the structural strength of my body. On the other hoof, the sigils tend to be a bit more applied…” Seeing Luna’s half-open mouth, Bea sighed and nodded, and the alicorn of the night giddily clapped as Bea tapped at a wiggly-looking symbol on her left shoulder, quietly gasping as the gestures Bea made with her hoof in the air froze into icicles.

“Buuut, usually I don’t have much use for them.” At this, Luna pouted.

“You cannot be serious. They seem like they could be invaluable tools for a resourceful fighter!” she countered excitedly slamming her hooves on the countertop.

“Considering that most of my work is treating common ailments, or acting as a midwife, for people who either can’t afford or can’t reach an actual medical centre- it’s not exactly like they have daily applications.” Glimpsing Luna’s disappointed look out of the corner of her eye, she amended her statement. “But I would be lying if I said they were useless.”

“Then there’s the glyphs. To be honest with you, I haven’t quite figured them out yet, so I haven’t played around with them more than once or twice.” Apparently having finished the discussion, she turned and began to pour the completed batter into the pan, turning on the stove with a flick of the hoof.

“Wow.” She turned, and saw that Luna was giving her an almost reverent look.

“Huh? Wassup?”

Luna tucked some of her mane behind an ear. “You’re… actually a little bit awesome.”

Bea was pretty sure her chest just imploded.

The princess continued, “But also, extremely stupid.”

Bea pretended not to hear that part, and simply stood there, relishing the divine pain her body was inflicting upon her… at least until the half-cooked pancake started to bubble, at which point she permitted herself to slip out of her trance just long enough to flip it over.