Kind Hands

Between the light from the throne room obscuring my vision and the cork filling my hands, my senses were fully overcome until the morning arrived. Of course, Eve and Eva were happy to snap me out of my trance when the time came, and we were just getting into some intense colouring when we heard a knock on our bedroom door.

“She’s not here already, is she?” I wondered to myself as Eve rushed to the door and laboriously dragged it open. As if answering my question, a purple burst of magic assisted the girl in her efforts as a familiar alicorn came into her view.

“Hey there, little one.”

Twilight greeted the little girl warmly, just out of my sight. The warmth she conveyed seemed to be fleeting, however- quickly diminishing as she stood there in silence, awaiting a response. When she received none, she continued, “Is your…your…how would you put it…?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eve answered absentmindedly, turning her back on the mare and walking back towards me. Shortly after, Twilight came into view, her eyes scanning the room until she settled her vision on me, sitting at a small table with an even smaller child plopped onto my lap.

“Good morning,” the mare called out to me, tearing me away from my work. Crayons still in hand, Eva and I swivelled ourselves ‘round to greet our new guest as she did that sweet smile of hers. “You look comfy.”

“So comfy that I don’t want to stand up,” I commented in return. I stayed true to my word, gripping the child in my lap with one arm and giving a single wave with the other. “How you doing, Twilight? I wasn’t expecting you this early.”

From my seated position, I watched Twilight shuffle towards me before abruptly coming to a stop in front of me. “Oh, I’m needed in Canterlot today. I was already here, so I thought I’d say ‘hello’,” the mare reasoned, being strangely fixated on the ceiling for some reason.

After her little greeting, though, she absentmindedly stared at the table that I was sat at, focusing on the empty space beside me. I didn’t know what she was doing, and for the next ninety seconds, I grew slightly concerned by her inactivity- and I began to wonder if Twilight had had some sort of seizure.

Whatever it was about the table that had caused her to shut down, the time to focus on the poor piece of furniture had passed. You see, after about a minute, I grew bored of being concerned, and I’d wandered over to her to see if she still had a pulse. Turns out she had, and an obligatory flick to the forehead brought her back to the land of the living, causing her eyes to scan around the room in shock.

Her vision finally settled on the scroll from the other day, which lay in the same spot that it had fallen to after my last failure. Without a word, the mare picked up the scroll in her magic and began to carefully hang it on the wall. Eve, Eva and I watched in awe, as our combined efforts were rendered obsolete in an instant.

“You’re confusingly competent at times,” I commented as I marvelled at the large drawing, stretched out in its entirety over the doorway. The little ones did the same, standing at my side and straining their necks as they re-admired their handiwork.

Slightly immune to my backhandedness at this point, Twilight just replied, “I’ll take that as a compliment.” And then, she started looking at the bloody table again.

I took no notice of this- not outwardly, at least- as I continued to study the girls’ scrawling. I could hear Twilight mosey her way over to me again, and she followed my gaze as I observed a particular part that stood out, if only because part of it was discoloured with what appeared to be…

“…Why’d you put apples on it?” I asked the two sisters as I pointed up at the fruit pieces, which had recently begun to spoil.

“It needed something special,” Eve briefly reasoned, pointing up at the apple pieces and moving her hands to create some kind of meaningless gesture.

“Something was missing,” Eva elaborated, saying even less than her sister had.

“…And you thought apples was the right way to go?”

“I wanted berries.”

“Evie did say ‘berries’.”

I was at a loss as to whether this was true or not- not that it mattered in the slightest. But there was nothing better to do, so I turned to who I hoped would’ve been the most reliable narrator that day, the one and only Twilight, who conceded very quickly.

“…She wanted berries.”

Sound.

“Apples look nothing like berries,” I continued to argue. “Why did you want berries anyway?”

“Because…I wanted berries,” Eve attempted to elaborate, swaying on the spot as she failed to think of a better answer.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“It was Eva’s idea!”

“But you said-”

“I liked it when we smooshed some berries in art that one time,” Eva softly announced. “I’m sorry.” With this apparent admission, she grabbed her sister by the shoulders and moved behind her. From there, she buried her face into the onyx hair in front of her, breathing deeply as she got herself settled. It was better than crying. Maybe we’re evolving.

Although I was fine with this behaviour, so long as Eve was, this unorthodox way of handling pressure earned a perplexed look from Twilight. “Don’t look at me,” I asserted as I attempted to dig the forlorn girl out of her hiding place. “Come on, cherub- it’s okay. I love that you’re getting in touch with your creative side.”

Having been pried from her hiding place, Eva tried her best to keep her head down. Her best was not good enough, as she felt a hand cup her chin and gently lift her head up. She submitted to the movement, opening her eyes to reveal my concerned face, as I continued. “I take it you got a little side-tracked though, eh?”

Eva nodded in response to this; I had no clue if she’d listened to a single word that I’d said, but her ever-fragile smile was all I needed. “That’s alright. You should’ve told me about the berries- Blueblood was chomping on them the other night. Bloody picked enough berries to feed a kingdom. Lard-arse.”

“Wait- Prince Blueblood?” Twilight interjected. “You went to fight a monster…with Prince Blueblood?” She stared at me in astonishment, as I nodded to confirm her suspicions. Seems that these two have history. I swear to God- if Twilight was one of his harlot’s...

“Was he the one who tried to fix your arm?”

Another nod.

“And you let him?!”

“I was kind of unconscious at the time,” I stated bluntly. Probably the way he liked it. Creepy bastard. “Can we not talk about this? Not in front of the kids.” I placed my hands in front of me defensively, as the alicorn looked moments away from boiling over.

“Let me take a look at your arm again.”

“No.”

A second flick to the forehead threw Twilight off her perch, and that little whack did well to calm her down. “What are you even here for today?” I asked her, sitting back down at the table and picking up a crayon.

“Oh, I was going to visit my parents today,” Twilight explained from across the room, perked up with a sudden burst of enthusiasm. “Little family gathering. Care to join me?”

Now that was worth a chuckle. A laugh you could even refer to as ‘hearty’ if you were feeling particularly daring. But instead, Twilight’s proposal could only earn a single, one-word response.

“No.”

“Come onnnn…”

Twilight’s petulant protests did little to persuade her audience. From my place on the floor, I turned to confront the antsy alicorn. “Isn’t it a bit abrupt if some random freak shows up at their door?” I began. “What are you gonna say? ‘Oh, don’t worry about the five-and-a-half-foot plus-one; he owes me a favour after he slept with me’?”

“You said that was weird…”

“It was weird, Twilight!”

Twilight huffed and turned her head away from the me, as if the moral high ground was hers to take. I let out a similar sound, so that could only have indicated that I’d done the same, nearly taking Eva’s head off in the process. Only the sounds of crayons dragging along cheap paper could be heard as both of us appeared to have reached an impasse.

“Well, you’re coming,” Twilight declared. Practicing her princess voice, she looked down at her unenthused subjects. “Mostly because…I already told my parents that you’d be coming.”

Oh, you’re joking. I smashed both of my hands into my face and let out a small scream. A twisted concoction of anger and fear festered in my chest as the idea of above-average levels of social interaction became impossible to bear.

Once these emotions dissipated, I clutched at the child in my lap and squeezed her against me, hearing her let out a squeak in surprise. “That’s just…so wrong, Twilight. That isn’t even close to how invitations work.”

“B-but-”

“No. Go spend some time with your family, Twilight. You don’t need me there.”

Convinced that the conversation was over, I turned my back on the faltering mare and returned to my work. Unfortunately for me, she pondered for a moment, seemingly out of options, until she remembered a certain promise. “I didn’t want to do this, but… I’m calling in that favour.”

Her declaration passed me by initially; I continued to colour until my mind reached a horrible conclusion. Once two-and-two were put together, I nearly collapsed. “You wouldn’t…” I warned, only to be met with a smug smile. “Oh, you sneaky little so-and-so.”

“Sneaky little so-and-so…” Eva repeated, her eyes never leaving her colouring book.

“Very sneaky…” Eve concurred.

The girls’ introduction into this exchange brought me a new list of potential excuses- and, my God, I was certainly gonna use them. “Well, what about these two? I’m not leaving them alone,” I added. I’d hoped that this would make Twilight think twice, but I looked on in despair as the mare’s smile grew even more.

“Oh, they’re coming too!”

“You told your family about them, too? Child protection, Twilight.”

“I only said that you had foals!”

“And what did they say back?”

“I didn’t get a reply.”

“Not surprised.”

Twilight sighed heavily. She must’ve really been banking on me honouring my word, yet here I sat in direct violation of a commitment made by candlelight. Taking a seat at the table beside me, she turned to me and gazed deeply into my eyes. “Please?”

Having Twilight beg me to keep her company wasn’t something that I was expecting to experience that day. In that moment, I faltered slightly; I’d bickered with this dozy mare before, but this time felt different. “Can I bring the colouring books?” I asked, slowly giving up the fight.

“I’m not going if we don’t have colouring books,” Eve informed the rest of the room, slicing through any remaining tension in a way that only a child’s bluntness could. The girl’s contribution softened Twilight’s expression, who began to gather the colouring supplies in her magic.

“Yes, you can bring the colouring books,” she reassured me as I snatched at one of the books as it floated past my head. Naturally, I missed, but the movement inspired me to stand up and stretch my joints. “Fine, fine- let’s go to this family outing,” I conceded, earning a squee of delight from Twilight.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she cried as she leaped at me. Scarier than it sounds. Relying purely on instincts, I thrust my arms out and grunted as the extra weight entered my grasp.

“It shouldn’t matter that much to you,” I commented with a smile. My statement fell on deaf ears as Twilight remained motionless, eyes closed as she leaned into me. I stroked the mare’s mane as she showed no sign of letting go any time soon, although it didn’t sound like she had much time to spare. “We should get going soon, shouldn’t we?”

An ever-increasing silence indicated that Twilight was yet to recover. In spite of the weight pressed onto my frame, I found little discomfort in this, but I was aware that Eve and Eva were getting restless. And so, slowly straggling towards the door, I gestured for the two sisters to prepare for another outing.

“Come on girls. Get your things- we’re going out.”

Everything had happened so quickly. In an instant, Twilight had sped us through Canterlot with a ruthless efficiency. She must’ve been running late, as she, without a word, sniffed down the location of her parent’s house like a bloodhound.

And so, that was where I stood, outside a modest cottage on the outskirts of Canterlot. “You know you’ve got a castle, right? You could get your parents a bigger house,” I mused to Twilight, taking in the two-story abode. Beside me, Eve traced a finger along one of the walls, scraping her nails on the brick exterior.

Twilight, however, was still in her zone. It was a mystery if the mare had even blinked since she left the castle, but her punctual arrival suggested that her efforts weren’t in vain. With a sigh of relief, she gently tapped on the house’s front door, gesturing for the girls and I to fall in behind her.

There was little movement in the wake of her gesture, as I was too busy trying to stop Eve from digging her fingers into the walls. This all changed once someone actually answered the door, and we were all called to attention by an unfamiliar voice.

“Twilight!” called a grey unicorn, who stood in the cottage’s doorway, which elicited a greeting and an embrace from Twilight herself. “How are you, sweetie? Glad you could make it.” The two remained locked in a hug for a moment that gave me enough time to wrangle the little ones.

“You know I’d never miss a chance to see you,” Twilight affirmed from within the unicorn’s embrace. In a moment of comfort, she smiled warmly, reliving childhood memories as the house surely brought with it waves of nostalgia.

“We are late though, aren’t we?” I asked from over Twilight’s shoulder. The alicorn wheeled around and glared at me in response, but I was more focused on Eve trying to drag herself up my left arm. “Stop,” I quietly warned, swatting away the little girl.

The unicorn in the doorway let out a melancholy sigh while watching the event unfold. “Oh, the joys of being a parent…” she mused, placing a hoof to her chest. “You must be David- Twilight’s told us all about you.”

I tried my hardest to reciprocate her greeting, but I was once again distracted by another pair of hands intercepting one of my arms- this time with Eva pushing it back-and-forth as she stood under it. “I am terrified of what she might have said…” I began, swallowing hard. “Nice to meet you. I’d shake your hoof, but my hands don’t belong to me right now.”

The grey unicorn let out a laugh as she watched my struggle. It sounded a bit fake, but I’ll take it. I don’t know what Twilight was playing at either; I don’t think her blush was necessary this time. This interaction’s such a mess. “You’ll get your hooves back some day!” this new unicorn laughed before stopping suddenly. “You look different to how Twilight described you.”

“I…don’t know how to answer that.”

“No need to, hun! Come on in!”

With a wave, she trotted back into the house, leaving Twilight and her guests to follow her in. Twilight did so, but not before turning back to catch of glimpse of me psyching up the little ones. “Alright, you two,” I started, grabbing the girls by the shoulders and squeezing the pair together. “This might be a little boring, and to be honest, I don’t really wanna be here, but I want you on your best behaviour, okay?”

“No worries!”

“You can count on us!”

With Eva’s reassurance and Eve’s promise, I felt somewhat more settled as I could feel my resolve begin to waiver. I remained crouched as I contemplated leaving but the feeling of Eva climbing onto my shoulders reminded me that some things just can’t be walked away from. And so, with Twilight continuing to watch from the doorway, I stood up and prepared myself for another meeting.

“Kind words; kind hands.”

Walking through the doorway revealed a small living room that reflected a minimalist lifestyle; an endearingly compact living space with a simple set of chairs around a fireplace. Perhaps the correct word would be ‘cozy’. Either way, I needed to crouch down to avoid beheading the girl on my shoulders, but the exertion that this required was almost comforting to me. I liked being tall.

But before all that, I had to first make it past a certain blue stallion. A stallion who fought with words, hopefully; both his lack of muscle and his more rounded facial features were clear to see. Indeed, he was one of the weakest-looking stallions that I’d seen so far.

The stallion opened his mouth to speak, but he was immediately interrupted by Twilight. “Oh, this is my mom, Twilight Velvet,” she said. She gestured to Mrs. Velvet, who stood beside this new stallion. She could’ve told me that earlier- using the phrase ‘this new unicorn’ a little while ago may’ve been fairly confusing for the readers.

“So, you share first names, or…?” I questioned, trying to wrap my mind around Equestria’s naming system. Again, the stallion nearby was prepared give an answer, but was quickly interrupted by Twilight once more.

“And this is my dad, Night Light!”

The alicorn smiled with glee as she introduced her parents. Her enthusiasm was lost on me, however, as I stared off into the distance, deep in thought. “What?” she asked after a short time had passed, bewildered at my hesitation. Despite her attempt to bring me back, I still stood there, with a picturesque thousand-yard stare, unbroken even as Eva’s hands began to wave in front of my eyes.

“So, how did you get your name?” I eventually asked in a slight panic. Twilight must’ve been confused as to why my voice was so full of emotion, as she also began a lengthy period of thought, creating the world’s most awkward stalemate.

Mrs. Velvet was seemingly accustomed to the silence that followed; she navigated her way past the pair of ponderers and into the living room. “I’ll see how Shining and Cadence are doing,” she mentioned to her husband, who seemed happy to wait until the conversation kicked off again.

Twilight blinked first; she looked up at me with a blank face after failing to find an answer of her own, so I recommenced the questioning. “Well, shouldn’t you get names from your parents? Shouldn’t you be called, like, Twilight Light?” I questioned the perplexed pony.

“What- no.”

“Can I call you ‘Twilight Light’?”

“No!”

“But it’s such a nice name…”

“No, it’s not!”

“That’s not a nice thing to say in front of your dad.”

“Hmm…”

Twilight grumbled to herself in response to this. She pouted and glared at the floor, trying to hide a faint redness that was present on her cheeks; I watched the mare’s movements, supressing a chuckle as I did so. Keeping the mare’s shuffling in the corner of my vison, I turned to meet Mr. Night Light. “Since your daughter is more interested in being moody right now, hiya- my name’s David,” I stated to the stallion, offering a hand for him to shake.

Night Light reciprocated the gesture, engaging with me in a slightly weak ‘handshake’. “Good to see you, good to see you. Twilight has written much about you,” he explained before placing a hoof on Twilight’s back. “He looks different to how you described, baba. You should work on your descriptive language.”

“She has been slacking recently,” I concurred, placing a hand on the alicorn’s head. Soon enough, Eve wordlessly joined in with the pile-on as well, causing an avalanche of limbs to fall onto the mare as she continued to simmer. The combined pressure caused Twilight to momentarily sag before springing back up with a layer of irritation.

“I’m gonna go wait in the living room…” she grumbled as she slunk past her father, swishing her tail as she did so.

Night Light laughed heartily as his daughter swept past him. “No matter how many titles she receives, she’ll always be my daughter,” he chuckled. The smile on his face was sincere, and he looked longingly at Twilight as she disappeared into the living room.

“So, she’s always been like this?” I asked, receiving a nod in response. “Strange, I wonder how a girl like- what the hell is that?” My pondering was abruptly halted as some form of chanting began to emanate from the living room.

“…Awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

I could easily recognise one of the voices as Twilight’s, but there was another- one that I’d never heard before. Eve noticed this too, and she set off towards the sound, grabbing me by the hand as she strolled past me. Submitting to the raven-haired girl, I allowed myself to be pulled along, ducking again to fit the passenger on my shoulders through the doorway.

Walking into the living room, I noticed a white stallion lounging on a sofa on the far side of the room. Compared to Night Light, this new challenger was much larger and more muscular, clearly evident even while he was stretched out in the way that he was.

The stallion quickly caught onto the new group of intruders, scanning us within moments of us entering the room. Despite what I was expecting, the stallion was remarkably at ease; he looked at me and grinned before returning his gaze to where it had been before my interruption.

Following the stallion’s gaze, I was rewarded with the sight of Twilight and another mare engaged in some form of dance. I was…fortunate enough to have caught onto the very end of the pair’s engagement, getting an eyeful of Twilight’s backside as it waved through the air.

A snickering from the white stallion caused Twilight to cease her dance and jerk her head towards him, who in turn, pointed back to my location. The agitated alicorn turned to where the stallion had pointed and looked on in agony as her human audience looked back at her, the centrepiece of which standing with folded arms and a raised eyebrow.

“Uh…h-h-how long have you been standing there?” she stammered, her cheeks bathed in the warmth of an uneasy crimson. The laughter behind her made her embarrassment burn brighter, and she curled her tail to cover her flanks as she waited for an answer.

“Far too long…” I uttered, slowly shaking my head in dismay. My confusion was so heavy that I barely reacted to Eva pressing her head into mine as she seemed to be worse at handling all the attention than Twilight was.

To add to the list of currently nameless characters, the pony who had engaged with Twilight was less affected by the room’s new-found tension. She stood up and took to the air- as much as one can when stuck in a living room- and landed on the sofa inhabited by the white stallion.

Her new perch gave me the chance to get a better look at her. If there could only ever be one pony to fulfil the ‘princess’ archetype, it would be her. Pink, fluffy with a curled mane of many colours, and the combination of a horn and a pair of wings. They must do wonders when it comes to first impressions.

“Never gets old,” the archetype chuckled, flicking her mane with a hoof. She stretched out along the sofa and fell into the lap of the white unicorn from earlier. “Lighten up, Twily! You’ve never been embarrassed about it before!” she called out to Twilight, who remained frozen in place.

“And as for you…” she continued as she turned to look at me. “You should know it’s rude to stare.” A laugh threatened to escape her lips as she watched me take a step backwards, raising my hands as I retreated.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that she did it in the middle of the room,” I argued. “And from the way you speak, you’re surely the responsible adult here.” This conversation passed right over Twilight’s head, quite literally, as she was still yet to move from her spot on the carpet.

The pink alicorn giggled from within the stallion’s grasp. She sat up before answering, “Sounds like you need an adult of your own! My name is Cadence, and this lovely stallion is Shining Armour.” She lazily flapped a hoof at Shining Armour’s neck, and the ‘lovely stallion’ flapped his hoof right back.

“Hmm…only ‘stallion’? Not ‘husband’?” Shining Armour teased before latching onto his purported wife’s neck and peppered it with small, albeit loud, kisses. He showed a remarkable level of stamina when doing this, carrying on this performance, noises and all, for far longer than was necessary. Not too long for Cadence, mind; the noises she made were overflowing with satisfaction.

“Oh, Jesus…” I groaned while my face contorted into a disgusted snarl. “Have you been drinking?” Averting my gaze, I was delighted to see Eve and Eva plotting to climb onto the living room furniture; at least it gave me something else to focus on. I set off towards the pair of troublemakers, lifting Twilight to her hooves on the way, until I was interrupted by a question from Cadence.

“Ever been in love, human?”

Her question brought me to an immediate halt. I stood still, Twilight still in hand, and rattled my brain to think of an appropriate answer. “Cadence…” Twilight lethargically called out from beneath me, some hesitation present in her voice.

“Not for a while,” I answered. I didn’t understand the point of the question, and I hoped that my lack of a response would derail Cadence’s efforts. Unfortunately, the love-drunk little-miss pressed onwards.

“So, you’d be open to trying…?”

“Cadence…!”

“That’s a complicated question.”

“I don’t think it’s so complicated- at least, that’s not what Twilight said.”

“Cadence!”

“And what did she say?”

“She said that you slept together.”

I could feel the walls caving in around me as the entire atmosphere within the room suddenly felt incredibly heavy. Every pair of adult eyes fell onto me the moment Cadence uttered that phrase- a phrase that I’d used in jest. I couldn’t possibly believe that Twilight’s diction was that bad.

Within seconds, Twilight was ready for a grilling. I needed an answer. The pressure to receive one so was so extreme that I fell over myself in the process; even such a short trip was difficult for my shellshocked mind and racing heart rate. Finding my target, I stared down at the purple alicorn, making very jerky and very violent points with my arms.

“I told you that with confidence!”

“I didn’t think she’d tell you-”

“-Of course she’d tell me, Twilight- she’s your family!”

I stopped once I realised how loud my voice had become. A quick glance around the room was all I was capable of doing at that moment, and as a result, I couldn’t really read my audience’s faces. Even from their place on top of one of the chairs, Eve and Eva met my glance with concern, the latter of the two making her way back towards me.

Eva looked up at me pitifully, her large eyes putting my increased heart rate in a different context; their familiarity only seemed to contribute to a pain that began to build in my left arm. “Is this the part where I die? Was this some sort of elaborate trap?” I asked in a defeated tone, only to be met with another period of silence; Cadence only raised an eyebrow.

The silence was the worst part; mindreading wasn’t part of my skillset. I was having trouble reading my own in fairness. “I’m sorry…” I began before I caught onto what I was saying, and my concern evaporated while I turned back to Twilight. “…Actually, no, I’m not- this is your fault.”

“But-”

“And we didn’t sleep in the same bed. I spent a night at her castle in separate beds, and-”

I continued to clarify, hoping against hope that I could regain control of this conversation. Alas, my efforts were in vain, as Night Light perked up and offered more of an insight into the contents of Twilight’s letters. “Twilight said you had a strong tongue, boy.”

“Sir, I swear- I never-”

An eruption of laughter interrupted my unfortunate ramblings- the giggles and snickers from a group of ponies that I barely understood. The jovial atmosphere that they brought clashed heavily with the harsh ache in my arm, seemingly amplified with every heartbeat.

My thoughts were interrupted by Twilight’s hoof pressing into my thigh. “I meant that you’re strong with your words- you say how you feel,” she attempted to reassure me with as much positivity as she could project. Her hoof stayed on my leg while she glanced up at me, wordlessly telling me that everything was okay.

But something was wrong. Despite the optimism in the room and the reassurance from Twilight, I was unable to let go of something- some sort of negativity that was as immovable as it was baseless. The thudding in my arm grew unbearable, and I began to rub my right hand over the fragile flesh, only to become painfully aware of a certain troublemaker hurtling towards me.

“Catch me!”

The falling child brought me down with ease. Forced into a crouch due to the great height that the girl fell from, I glanced down at the little one with a sense of bewilderment. “Eve, I thought I said, ‘kind hands’,” I verbally prodded her, unable to contain a smile in spite of my attempted chastisement.

Eve had little regard for my change in demeanour, laughing away in my arms. With gleeful abandon, the girl giggled away before eventually calming down. “I was kind,” she explained “You looked sad.”

“Something must be done,” Eva concurred, somehow back on my shoulders. She attempted to smack her fist into her hand for emphasis, but her poor timing made her look as if she was having some sort of spasm instead.

“Well, while I admit that that made me feel a bit better-”

“-I knew it’d work…”

“-That’s still not something that we should be doing anywhere. Certainly not in somebody else’s home.”

“It was Eva’s idea.”

“No, it wasn’t! It was your-”

“Okay, okay, okay,” I reassured the duo as I tried to stand upright. The awkward placement of the two girls still hitching a ride on my body made this difficult, but the thought was there. “You can get off my shoulders now, cherub,” I told Eva, tapping on her knee to get her attention.

“No, I can’t,” the little one resoundingly returned. I kept prodding at her knee in retaliation, and her continuous kicks against me were far more comforting than they should’ve been.

“You’ve got your sister’s silver tongue,” I commented as I relented with a smile. With a clearer head, I turned back to face Shining Armour and Cadence, who were just finishing up with exploring each other’s tonsils. “Look, nothing happened- we haven’t done anything…I haven’t used my ‘strong tongue’.”

Shining Armour seemed satisfied with this. “Good. Because I was imagining you and Twily…” He trailed off to my dismay. The stallion seemed unable to finish his statement, and the blush on Twilight’s face suggested that she was having a hard time deciding on whether that was a good thing or not.

“Please don’t imagine me like that…”

“Do you always think about that when you’re kissing your wife?”

Given the contents of the last twelve-or-so hours, lunch was greatly appreciated. In truth, I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, but the large servings of some type of chili gave everyone else something different to focus on. At least, it was supposed to.

“So, David, what brings you to Canterlot?” Twilight Velvet asked me while the rest of the room were stuffing their faces. “Something tells me you’re not from around here.”

“That’s a…complicated question. Let’s just say, it was at the princess’ request. I don’t know how much I can really tell you, to be honest.”

I doubted the usefulness of being cryptic at this point, particularly as I was still unaware of what Twilight had been told, but it seemed like the appropriate thing to say. Although, I still couldn’t deal with the dead air that always followed my contributions. “Oh, while I remember, these are my er…these are my girls: Eve and Eva. Sorry about them jumping on your sofa.”

I gestured to the pair, who sat either side of me. As I spoke, Eve slammed her fork onto the table and started to speak, but her mouth was so full of food that it was easier to just ignore her.

“We know all about how rowdy foals can be. Twilight always used to get rowdy whenever her dad came home from work,” Mrs. Velvet commented, prodding at Twilight’s side. The alicorn in question tensed up from both the story and the physical contact, likely feeling a sense of impending doom.

“Mom!”

“She’d always jump on the couch, rolling around when he was there- she always loved belly rubs.”

“Mom, please…!”

I feel like we’ve been here before. It was hard to see who’d suffered the most today out of me and Twilight. But that didn’t mean that we were done yet. “There’s no shame in admitting it, Twilight! Maybe your friend here can give you one sometime,” Cadence called out to the shellshocked mare. In response, Twilight hid her head in her hooves and let out what was likely a wail of despair.

I felt a little bad watching her suffer. My heart went out to her- and I was more than likely going to join her by the end of the day. “Looks like she’ll be out for a while,” Cadence concluded as Twilight let out another muffled noise.

The pink one sat back, satisfied, while Shining Armour entered the conversation. “So, what do the princesses want from you?” he asked me, sternly pointing a hoof in my direction. I was unable to truly tell whether I was in trouble or not, so I leaned back in my chair and gave my explanation.

“I go around and deal with things that they don’t want to deal with. If Celestia has some troublemakers, she sends me in to sort them out. She says that there was a reason as to why I was picked, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was hiding something.”

Princess-related paranoia must’ve been uncommon in the Sparkle household, made clear by the silence that followed my minute ramble. Even Shining Armour, who looked like he meant business, lacked any form of follow up question. “…Is it just you and your foals?” Night Light eventually asked after some hesitation.

“I had to leave my family behind.”

“I see. That must be hard for you.”

Why was it getting to me? Something about his tone- it was trying to be comforting but it just wasn’t there. Who were these people? I couldn’t stand them.

I wanted to go home.

“It’s something that I’m slowly coming to terms with. The nights are lonely sometimes.”

That’s not what I meant to say.

You didn’t want to cooperate.

Something was wrong.

They’re looking at you again.

This wasn’t like how it was before.

Can you even tell the difference anymore?

Was Eva okay?

She was.

She always was.

The little one was just there, more focused on stuffing her face than listening to the conversation. I envied her. You wanted no part in this.

“Maybe you could make some more foals to keep you company.”

What was that? Was that who I thought it was? I’m sure it was Cadence with that comment- she’s about as subtle as a shovel to the face…

Cadence’s tone heavily implied that her suggestion was in-jest, but David certainly did not take it that way. Jaded, emotionally spent and in need of social reclusion, he felt himself reach the end of his rope as he scowled at the pink princess.

“You think this is a joke, don’t you?”

The room fell silent once more as David laid out his accusation. Cadence, considering the consequences of an escalation of events, stayed quiet and looked back at him with a neutral expression. Caught in the middle, Twilight sat motionless, holding her breath in preparation for what was to come.

“I see you there- wiggling your eyebrows, bumping elbows…it’s some kind of song and dance for you, isn’t it?”

All eyes were on the human at this point; the commotion had interrupted the two sisters’ meal and they too peered at him with concern. However, his only focus was on Cadence, who stood firm despite the glare that she continued to receive.

“I’m sorry if that’s what it sounded like. That wasn’t my-”

“You’ve been pushing me all morning. Yeah- I’m all alone- I have no one left now. Is that what you want me to say?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

It was unclear as to Cadence’s emotional investment into this exchange, although that was almost certainly irrelevant right now. With a sense of inevitability then, a small confrontation occurred, courtesy of David’s unravelling mental state.

“I’ve been taken from my home, trained under the falsehood that I’m some pseudo-bounty hunter for God-knows-how-long…”

His ragged breathing was audible whenever he paused. Harsh, shallow and dripping with disdain, his gasps between sentences hinted that a great amount of effort was being used to stop his voice from cracking. Aware of what that meant, Twilight felt as if acres of space had opened up between herself and her companion as she feebly reached out a hoof.

“I don’t need this- I want no part in this. It’s nothing more than a pantomime with a middling reception. Nobody cares anymore…”

It was unclear as to who the human was aiming his rant at. Maybe there was nobody in mind, as he spent much of his time staring off to the side, unwilling to observe his audience’s faces. His reason for doing this stayed within his own mind, although much could be inferred from his half-hearted attempt at confrontation.

“…And I’ve got sit with you lot because my own family won’t even get the chance to bury me!”

Uninterested in the offer of a response, David thrust his hands onto the tabletop and pushed himself out of his seat. He only made it halfway; he was brought back down as he felt something wrap around his torso. “Don’t be angry…” Eva begged him, arms locked tightly around his abdomen. Her large eyes conveyed an understanding that he had been longing for, and he placed his forehead on hers as a week’s worth of repression spilled from his eyelids.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” he croaked as he pulled the little one in and pressed her against him. Eva succumbed to her emotions as well, accepting a place to rest her head. Even as their collective sorrow broke forth, David was thankful of the volume of the girl’s cries- they did well to drown out his own.

To his right, Eve leaned against him, rubbing his arm and repeating the mantra, “It’s okay, it’s okay” until he and Eva had calmed down. Through teary eyes, he was unable to read the expression Eve’s face, and he lacked the capacity to care about any of the ponies that surrounded him, watching the scene unfold with varying emotions.

“So that’s their purpose…” Cadence mumbled to herself. She reflected on the confrontation with a smile, reaching some form of understanding. She felt Shining Armour wrap a hoof around her as he drew her in, calmly nuzzling her as the pair entered a short, hushed discussion.

Eventually, wiping his eyes, David recovered from his emotional collapse and focused on his comforter. “You’ve got a bit of food around your mouth, littlun,” he wearily stated, brushing a thumb around Eva’s lips and wiping away a red stain.

Focusing on one element had made him lose sight of another. “Are you okay?” Twilight asked him, far off to the side. Her outstretched hoof finally made contact with his arm, from which she gave him a few, light rubs of her own, lacking the strength that even the children had possessed before pulling away in shame.

David glanced at the mare as she retreated before scanning the room. “…I’m sorry for shouting at you. Especially you, Cadence,” he lamented, feeling a sense of whiplash from the experience. At the mention of her name, Cadence ended her conversation with Shining Armour and smiled at the human.

“It’s clear that Equestria has left its mark on you. Take care of him, Twilight.”

Once again, Twilight demonstrated her horrendous tolerance of social pressure by blushing and sinking back into her seat. David kept an eye on the mare’s escape attempt as he continued his list of apologies.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your dinner, Mrs. Velvet.”

“Think nothing of it, sweetie! You needed some time to grieve,” Mrs. Velvet reassured him, her tone of voice and facial expressions doing a far better job of providing emotional warmth than her daughter did. “If you ever need to go again, you make sure to call us, hun- you’ve got a friend in us.”

“…I’ll bear that in mind.”

“‘And with a *crash* and a *splash*, he hoisted up the sea…!’”

Sometime after dinner, Twilight found herself on the fringes of some kind of performance. A performance of sorts, at least, as David fired his way through one of the mare’s old story books. She had picked it out especially, given it was one of her favourites, and she found herself slipping into an old, childlike glee as the human before her retold the story in his own, endearing way.

“‘…And brought it thundering down onto the old oak tree…’”

She was intrigued to see that a small blush had presented itself on David’s face once she gave him the book, and that the redness had intensified with every page he turned. His audience paid it no mind, however; the girls were unable to take their eyes off of him, transfixed, as they clung onto every word that he boisterously projected.

“‘…And thus ends the tale of Wilber the Wisest Wyvern; a tale that-’”

“No! That can’t be the end!”

“Yeah, yeah- give me a minute. We’re not-”

“I don’t want it to end…”

“N-No, we’re not actually at the end, cherub. Th-There’s another couple of pages…”

“Willer the Wise’s Wither…”

Eventually, the story came to a close, and, whilst David bathed in his audience’s appreciation, Twilight approached him with a happy skip. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard that story,” she joyfully remarked, startling the human slightly with her positivity.

“Sorry if I didn’t do it justice- I need to work on my enunciation,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck and looking off to the side. He took a moment to study the book in his hands before it was wrenched away from him by an excited pair of hands.

“Read it again!” Eve called out to him as she scanned the book’s front cover. Wordlessly, David denied the girl’s request by yanking the book away from her and glancing up at Twilight, who began to speak again.

“It was wonderful. Thank y-”

“-Read it again…”

The mare was quickly interrupted as Eve once again attempted to pry the book away from David’s clutches. He held firm this time, however, and glared at the young girl, holding his stare until she began to understand the error of her ways. Slowly, the cogs in her head began to turn, and she backed away from her carer, trying her hardest to look as small as possible. “Sorry…”

“Not yet- I’m having a conversation. Why don’t you and Eva have a look at it?” David clarified before holding the book aloft once more. Soon enough, the book was back in Eve’s hands, but with one more warning for the raven-haired girl. “Hey- together, okay?”

“Okay!”

With that, Eve disappeared with her new prize, leaving Twilight to continue from where she left off. “They’re lucky to have such a good storyteller. Not many foals get that, sadly. Not from a stallion.”

“Yeah, they’ve needed this...” David concurred before rubbing a hand over his throat. “…And now my throat’s all sore, sorry.” He weakly chuckled to himself as he continued to massage the sides of his neck. As he was doing this, he noticed a glass of water floating inches from his face and gratefully accepted it. Twilight continued to speak whilst he drank.

“I’m sorry about all this. If I’d have known they’d be this…intense, then I would’ve let you stay at home.”

“Nah they’re good people. Strange characters, maybe, but they obviously want what’s best for you. I think.”

“If you’re okay…I don’t know why they were so forward with-”

“-D’you want a kiss, Twilight?”

“W-wha-!”

This dramatic shift in tone caught Twilight by surprise, and she showed it. David could not help but grin sadistically as he watched her mental collapse, enjoying the way she faltered as the distance between the pair closed. He had considered pinning her up against the wall to get the blood pumping, but he had no idea what he was doing, and Twilight was a bit too short for that, anyway.

“It’s the next step, innit- since we’ve already slept together.”

“Shh! My parents will hear us!”

“Don’t worry- they’re probably right behind this door. Right, guys?”

Whilst Twilight fought to instil some sense into the conversation, David did the opposite, banging on the door behind him to drum up the absurdity. He was rewarded for his assumption, as from behind the door came some worryingly eager encouragement.

“Go get ‘em, Twily!”

“It’s the moment of truth, baba!”

Twilight did not have quite the same amount of enthusiasm as her parents did. Perhaps understandably, she instead backed away from the door in bewilderment, unable to look anyone in the eye anymore. “…I am so embarrassed…” she muttered, only to be interrupted by a kiss on the cheek. “D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-”

Twilight’s imminent breakdown was greatly amusing to David, who wiped his lips with one hand and cupped the mare’s cheek with the other. “Thank you, Twilight. You’re so cute when you’re flustered,” he reasoned, revelling in the way that Twilight’s face continued to redden. “My head doesn’t work right now so I’ll probably regret that, but…” He trailed off with a soft chuckle, leaving Twilight perplexed about what she had just experienced.

“Did…Cadence do something to you?”

“Who knows at this point?”

With a sigh, she gently pushed David’s hand from her cheek. “You obviously need some rest,” the mare concluded as she struggled to respond to her senses. Her difficulty was largely ignored by David, who moved to round up his girls.

“Oh yeah- you’re taking me back to your place, aren’t you?”

Twilight hissed at his phrasing; she was sure that this was purposeful. Instinctively, she craned her neck to look back at the door, hoping that her parents had left it behind. True to form, however, the same pair of voices cried out in appreciation of their daughter’s purported seduction.

“You’ve got ‘em now, Twily!”

“Take the reigns, my dear!”

Her embarrassment now fully compounded, Twilight turned away from the door in disgust before considering her options. Faced with the inevitability that she would soon have to face her parents and their misplaced enthusiasm, she very quickly came to a surefire conclusion:

“I’m never coming back here…”

Just as the mare reached her verdict, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her torso as she was hoisted onto her hindlegs. She cried out in surprise as she was forced into her new position, but she lacked the strength to do anything other than watch as her forelegs lightly swung in front of her.

“C’mon then- let’s go. Gotta say goodbye to your family first,” David teased as he continued to play with Twilight’s body. Whilst he was sure that the mare would be less-than-impressed with her predicament, he was instead greeted by a small smirk.

“Can we just teleport to the station? I’ll send them a letter instead.”