“Gentlestallions,” I announced dramatically, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve invited you here.” I walked slowly up and down the squeaking boards of the abandoned treehouse, looking over the elite squad I’d assembled: the special someponies of seven of Ponyville’s most prominent and powerful mares.

Big Mac raised a hoof. “Is there gonna be snacks?”

“Sugar Belle always brings us snacks,” Sunburst confirmed.

I patted a box of Royal Guard rations I’d ordered from the army surplus store in Canterlot. “Don’t think of these as snacks: think of them as sustenance for the hardship ahead.”

“Can’t say I like any o’ them big words,” Big Macintosh grumbled nervously.

The treehouse had once been home base for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but it had been abandoned when the girls grew up and discovered that bullying stallions into sex was a lot more fun than helping foals find their cutie marks. It was quiet and isolated, tucked away deep within Sweet Apple Acres... the perfect place for a supervillain’s lair.

“I’ve brought you here because I need your help,” I told the stallions. “You see, I’ve discovered a way to get something every guy wants to have!”

“A bigger dong?” Cheese Sandwich proposed excitedly.

I groaned. “Come on, dude, you’re already huge!”

Cheese shrugged. “Could be bigger.”

“Better tastin’ apples?” Big Mac guessed.

“I think your sister’s made it real clear I don’t know nothin’ bout no apple farmin’.”

“Convincing Spoiled to try butt stuff?” asked Filthy Rich hopefully.

“No! Actually, maybe. I’m talking about equality, guys!”

“Starlight Glimmer already tried equality,” Big Mac objected. “Tried it on my wife. She didn’t cotton to it none.”

“Starlight wanted to make everypony the same, by taking away your cutie marks,” I explained. “I’m saying stallions and mares should have the same rights. Don’t you want to be able to go to school, and have your own bank account, and vote?”

“Mares can’t vote, either,” Mr. Cake told me. “We’re a feudal society ruled by a dysfunctional royal family.”

“The other things, then. Education, and money, and not having to wash the dishes every night. All we have to do is flex our power. I’m talking about a sex strike!”

“What’s a sex strike?” Sunburst asked. “Is it a cool new spell?”

“Sex Strike is position #515!” Spike explained. “You back up to get a running start, and—”

“No, I mean all of us stop having sex, until the mares of Equestria meet our demands!”

“No sex at all?” Big Mac gulped. “Not even with our wives?”

“It’s possible.” Mr. Cake, the stallion we all looked up to, spoke thoughtfully. “Sometimes Cup and I will skip a night, if I have a headache or I’m not in the mood. But what if I get horny?”

“I’m horny right now!” Hondo Flanks announced.

“If you get horny, you just jerk off.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” snorted Cheese Sandwich. “You’ve got hands!”

“Please, guys, it won’t take long. We all know how thirsty and desperate mares are. All we have to do is stay in this treehouse for a couple of days, and they’ll give us anything we want.”

“Oh, like sex!”

“No, Spike!”

“Won’t our special someponies just come up here and take us home?” Sunburst asked. His hooves shifted beneath his robe and he started breathing hard. “They’ll carry us to the bedroom... spank us for disobedience... yes, Starlight, I have been a bad little colt! I don’t deserve to have a cutie mark!”

“I’ve thought of that,” I reassured him. “No mare will dare to enter this treehouse while we have this sign on the door!” I held up a wooden sign I’d painted that said NO GIRLS ALLOWED.

Everypony gasped. Big Mac fainted. “No girls at all?” Filthy Rich cried out. “Not even our wives?”

“Guys, I’m tired of explaining this, just trust me, this will totally work. I got the idea from an old play on Earth.”

“Paul is right!” Mr. Cake put a hoof around my shoulder. “We’ve suffered for too long! We’ll start a new Equestria right here in this treehouse. For stallions, by stallions!”

“Break out the O&O books, boys!” Sunburst cheered.

After a few hours of exciting dice-rolling fantasy adventure, I heard the sound of hoofbeats and went outside the treehouse to advance my scheme to its next phase. Just as I’d predicted, Twilight had gotten my message and led a group of mares to the old Crusader treehouse, to parlay for the dongs we were denying them.

I waved at the group cheerfully. “Hi, girls! Missing something?”

“You little slut!” Trixie complained. “You seduced Trixie and stole the secrets of her almost-former villainy! After she allowed you to kiss her pussy!”

“Please, give us back our precious dragons!” Twilight begged me. Mrs. Cake firmly nudged her with a hoof. “And stallions!”

“We’re sorry if we somehow hurt your oversensitive feelings!” Starlight Glimmer wailed.

Cookie Crumbles backed her crotch against an apple tree and rubbed up and down vigorously. “We just want to suck your dicks again!”

“I haven’t fucked Cheese in 6 hours!” Pinkie Pie sobbed.

“I brought you healthy snacks!” Sugar Belle announced. With a flash of her horn, a large dish of apple slices, walnuts and celery appeared in our bunker. “Tell Big Mac he has to try some of everything! He can’t just fill up on apples!”

“You adorable mares make me sick!” I gloated. “Do you really think you can flaunt your amazing flanks and make us do whatever you want? Those days are over!”

Hondo rushed up and whispered in my ear. “Please, Paul, let me go down there and tap that, just once. You’ve fucked my wife, you know how fine she is.”

I gripped Rarity’s father by the withers and shook him. “Be strong, Hondo!”

“But, Paul! The ass was fat!”

Filthy Rich poked his head out of the treehouse. “Twilight, where’s Spoiled?” His voice quivered. “S-she didn’t come to take me back?”

“Oh, sorry, Filthy, but Spoiled had a spa appointment. In Manehattan. For a month. But she gave me this note to give you.” Twilight looked at a small piece of paper. “Wow, this just says ‘I’m a lesbian.’” Twilight tossed the note away as Filthy started to sob. “Geeze, Spoiled, read the room.”

A royal messenger galloped up to Twilight and hoofed her a scroll. “Paul, listen!” the princess announced cheerfully. “You’ll be excited to hear this. I’ve gotten an emergency petition through, and Celestia is offering to make major concessions.”

“Huh? Like what?” I asked.

Twilight read off of the scroll. “Stallions who resume giving regular dickings will be allowed to own property and enrol in universities. In return, mares will wash the dishes twice a week, and will be open to butt stuff. Not necessarily full penetration, but some kind of anal play.”

“I’ll talk it over with the guys.” I kept a poker face as I went back into the treehouse.

“This is an insult to our struggle,” I told the gathered stallions. “We can’t settle for less than total equality!”

“M-maybe we should take it, Paul,” Spike said, wringing his claws nervously. “It sounds like a good deal.”

Sunburst clapped his hooves together. “I could finally study magic at a real school!”

“I haven’t fucked Pinkie in 6 hours!” cried Cheese Sandwich.

“My wife already does butt stuff,” Mr. Cake mused. “We should hold out for washing up three times a week.”

“Nothing matters anymore...” Filthy Rich stared with a blank face at the clubhouse wall. “20 years, I’ve lived a lie...”

“Thanks for the feedback, guys.” I gave each of my boys a manly pat on the back. “I’ve got this.”

I poked my head over the treehouse railing and looked down at the frustrated mares below. “Yes, Paul?” Twilight wagged her tail excitedly.

“Forget about it!” I called down. “We want complete equality between stallions and mares. Make it happen, or you’ll never get to sex position #2000 with Spike!”

“No!” Twilight looked shocked. “That one looks really fun!”

“It’s up to you, your highness.”

“I didn’t want to do this, Paul.” Twilight shook her head sadly. “But you’ve left me without a choice. I’m sending in the Royal Guard, to rescue the stallions you’ve brainwashed and return them to their families!”

Suddenly a swarm of armoured pegasi flew out of the sky, headed right towards me. I screamed, jumped into the treehouse and slammed the door behind me. The pegasi rammed into the closed door and bounced off of each other, smashing snoot to plot as they spun off in all directions.

I peeked out the window and saw Bugle Call, my old commanding officer, hovering in midair with her hooves folded. “Having a little problem, ladies?”

“The sign!” squealed one Guardsmare, quivering in terror. “It says NO GIRLS ALLOWED!”

“We’re girls!”

“What if stallions are undressing in there?” cried another. “L-lewd!”

“I’ll show you what I think of that sign!” Bugle Call bellowed. The clubhouse door rattled from her vicious kicks and I heard the cracking of wood.

“Whoa, she really hates that sign...” one Guardsmare mused.

At last Bugle Call kicked the treehouse door wide open. “Now, get in there!” she ordered. With the triumphant sound of trumpets, the Royal Guard finally invaded our fortress of masculinity and ran right towards me.

“Oh my gosh!” one unicorn squeed. “It’s Paul!”

Instead of attacking me, a dozen tough, muscular mares pranced and flapped excitedly around me, beaming huge smiles. “Yay, Paul!”

“We love you!”

“Paul is the villain!” Bugle Call screamed. “Capture him!”

My old comrades gasped in dismay. “Oh, no!”

“We could never hurt a stallion!”

“Don’t think of him as a stallion!” Bugle Call insisted. “He’s an evil human corrupting the morals of upstanding Equestrian males!”

“No! Not snuggly Paul!”

“He would never!”

“We missed you so much, Paul!”

“Please, give me a kiss, right on the ‘you know what!’”

Suddenly a hoof came out of nowhere, punched me in the eye and dropped me on to my ass. Everypony gasped. I looked up from the floor to see the scowling face of Shining Armour, my former Royal Guard partner, standing over me.

“Stay down,” he whispered to me. “Please don’t make me hit you again.”

“You... why?” I cried. But even as I sobbed, I knew the answer. Only one thing could make a stallion betray his closest friend.

“The ass,” Shining stated simply. “It’s fat, Paul... fat beyond my wildest dreams.”

“I understand, old friend.” I reached my hand up to pat Shining’s cheek. “You did what you had to do.”

The Guardsmares all stared at us. “Are they g-going to k-kiss?”

“Don’t jinx it!” whispered Bugle Call.

Shining looked up and spoke to my stallion minions. “Who are you fooling, guys?” he asked them. “We can’t stop screwing our special someponies! Don’t you know we need it as much as they do?”

“It’s true!” Big Mac wailed.

“Have you forgotten how good it feels to slip your mare the D? That sense of accomplishment when your cock makes her squirt? The loving tenderness as she gently rubs your balls? The way she shares you with her slutty friend Sunbright who looks suspiciously like your sister in a wig?”

“Sunbright?” Twilight called out nervously from below. “N-never heard of her, why?”

“Just give it up! Come out of this dumb treehouse and go back to the mares who love you. Be a real stallion, and wear that collar with pride!”

“He’s got a point,” Mr. Cake admitted.

“It’s time for Cookie’s facial mask, anyways,” said Hondo Flanks.

“I’d love to help you fight for equality,” Cheese Sandwich told me, “but I just remembered: Pinkie’s out there, and my dick’s in here!”

“Sugar Belle don’t bake too good when she ain’t been fucked recent.” Big Mac sheepishly sidled towards the clubhouse door. “Can’t disappoint them customers!”

“This is going to get me one heck of a spanking...” Sunburst observed eagerly.

“Did you notice if Twilight was wearing her striped socks?” Spike asked me. “I’d better go and see for myself.”

The treehouse emptied in seconds, with each of my stallion friends finding some lame, horny excuse to abandon our cause. From below I heard the sounds of squealing and squishy humping as Sweet Apple Acres became the site of an improvised orgy.

“I’m still with you, Paul,” Filthy Rich assured me. “Now that Spoiled has left me, I—”

“He’s single, girls!” screamed one of the Guardsmares.

“Single and rich!”

“I saw him first!” Within seconds, half a dozen quarrelling pegasi cuties had grabbed hold of Filthy and carried his struggling body off into the trees.

Princess Cadance flew in through the treehouse door and landed on the wooden floor with a gentle thump, minding the swell of her belly. “Oh, sweetheart!” she whinnied. “I heard there was a little stallion slapfight! Is my precious prince hurt?”

“I’m OK, Cadance.” Shining Armour looked sadly down at me as I writhed in shame.

“Oh, Shiny, you’re all sweaty! Let me clean you up.” Cadance began to vigorously lick her husband clean, focused mainly on his butt crack.

I slowly got up off the wooden floor of the treehouse. “Aren’t you guys supposed to reform me now or something?” I asked.

“Yes, of course, Paul,” Cadance mumbled, slurping hungrily at her husband’s ponut. “I’ll get somepony right on that. Just as soon as I’ve finished praising my strong hero stud of a prince!”

I climbed dejectedly out of the treehouse, pressing my hand over my swollen and aching eye. All around me, horny male grunts came from behind the sturdy apple trees, and I heard squeals of pleasure as Royal Guardsmares joined in the fun, making every lovers’ reunion a sexy threeway.

“Thank you, Paul!” I heard Filthy Rich call out from the trees.

Twilight Sparkle lay on her back in the grass, with her butt up in the air and her legs kicking gleefully in their striped socks. Spike could be found hovering above her, frantically flapping his wings, dive bombing his barbed dick into her clasping cunt.

“Oh, heya, Paul,” Twilight waved at me. “I’m just going to tell Celestia that you agreed to her concessions. That’ll be better for everypony. Gosh, how exciting! I’ll finally be allowed to teach Spike calculus!”

“Whatever, Twilight,” I groaned. “You win. You always fucking win.”

“Of course I do!” Twilight grinned.

Author's Note

TBH, Paul probably should have actually read the play.