Chapter 5

Blue 42 - Hut, hUT

The door swung open with a presence, as if it had a mind of its own. What followed suit was three guards, all clad in a beautiful set of golden armor. Their physical features were present in the face, but body wise covered from head to toe. The three of them were almost a complete set, one a pegasus, the other a unicorn, the last a regular dude.

After the door hit the wall, swinging completely open, the three guards looked around the room. Typical security detail assessment. I’ve always wanted to see knights though so I was having a blast watching them scour the library for any immediate threats.

But the elephant in the room would be me. I assume they were only used to seeing their kind, I.E an Equine, littering the streets and houses. So when the one with the horn on her head saw me; it was gotime.

“Get it!!”

“Celestia, WHAT IS IT!?”

“PROTECT THE PRINCESS!!”

I was full body tackled to the ground. It legitimately felt like I was hit with a fucking bowling ball. But instead of one, it was moreover three. Don't take that out of context.

I wish I had a camera. The look on my face was probably priceless. Being one minute, sitting peacefully, to the next on the ground. Regardless, I flipped the table along the way. Not how I would do it, but hey, what's done is done.

We four idiots hit the floor and rolled, my face ending up colliding into a cyan colored ass, which turns out, kicked me away later. Amidst seeing stars and the vocal complaints of Twilight somewhere off in the background I tasted iron from what I assume was now a split lip. Combined with the efforts of none, I lost the battle, and admitted defeat in five seconds.

They did what I suspected guards of any sort would do, and subdued me to a point where I was spread out across the floor. And indeed, would be humorous from a different position, other than the floor, in which I looked like a starfish with my body being flattened by god knows how much weight. It was that, and the confused faces being passed around as they tossed me to and fro.

As I struggled, one of the burlier knights slapped something on my wrists, prohibiting any movements of them. Next, all three lifted me up, one of them glaring at me with his horn glowing.

“Under the jurisdiction of the princ….”

I stopped listening after that, it was at times like these that my humor always won. I had to be the one to do it, and Dash on the couch could see what was coming, her head slowly shaking. I licked my lips, laughing dryly,

“A good Hi, or, hello would've sufficed…”

Cue the facepalms. Or would it be facehoofs?

The guard who had his horn raised was going to remark, his eyes flashing with some sort of venom... but, as I prepared my asshole for a clench most foul, a voice struck from the entryway,

Said voice cut through the tension like a knife on butter, silencing all and craning heads towards its way. Here, is my next question.

Have you ever heard a voice, one of which, that could bestill an entire room? One, that could very well calm a stormy sea, make one stutter in awe, and to top it off, quench a fire's thirst? Wow, that was actually kinda poetic…

Shit, wait. The voice, right,

Well, when she came in, her voice was golden, smoothed against my ears as if silk, and was much more regal than any other I have heard of before. And the way she laughed, sounded like the tinkling of bells.

“Hello.”

So that is Celestia. Well excuse me, Princess Celestia = In her somewhat glory, stood there, a gentle smile on her face, but concern etched in her eyes.

From what Twilight had told me, I expected something entirely different. But to see this before me… I was very much in awe. Within a fraction of a second, I glanced her over, taking in what I could. She was pearly white, shimmering almost, but had enough razzle dazzle, to take the sun off the scoreboard. For most manes, I could see why some wanted to let their hair lay flat. But… For the Princess, she let it run wild. Quite literally. And with a multitude of colors I might add. And yeah, I could see where the motherly part came in as she regarded everyone in the room with care.

The stunning part of it all, was that she was both Pegasus and Unicorn. A PEGACORN? It took me a moment to see her wings tucked beneath her armor… Or was it a chest plate? Either way, an insignia bequeathed her armor, a sun.

As I gawked at her form, the Knights of Celestia prepared to do something. The unicorn pointed her horn at me again, this time the tip of it lighting up for what I assumed was some magickz.

So I snapped from my haze and gave Celestia a shit eating grin,

“Hi.”

What? It was all I could say.

“Princess Celestia!” Ah Twilight, so you are the one who has sent me to my death. Just ignore me then I guess…The Purple unicorn seemingly bolted towards her mentor, stopping barely in front of her for the both to lock eyes, and then proceeded to glomp her,

“It's so great to see you!”

Celestia laughed again, the slow melodic sound of chimes reaching my plug holes,

“The feeling is mutual Twilight.” She glanced up, “I can see while I was away, you made a new friend.”

I had to stop myself from laughing. So I let that slide. Twilight seemed to feel the same way, her smile dropping slightly, “Heh… Friend. Oh, well where are my manners! Tick, this is Princess Celestia! Rul-”

“Ruler of Equestria, blah blah blah. I get it.” I said fruitlessly, “Nice to meet you Princess, wish it were in bett- HEY! HAN-”

Wait a minute,

“HOOVES OFF MY CIGARETTES!”

Come on man, seriously? The unicorn was trifling through my pocketses and taking stuff out, including, but not limited to, my smokes, lighter, and… Phone? Holy hell! Didn't know I still had that.

“HeyheyHEYHEY! Stop with the touchy touchy. You go down there, I can’t promise you what will happen next.” What was with this asshole? Really, there was one pegasus that was taking grabby to a whole new level.

When I finished remarking, said guard paused mid hoof and set it back down, nodding his apologies.

“Yeah that's what I thought.” I struggled against the might of the two guards and grunted, “Say Celestia, mind telling these guys of yours to let me off the hook?”

The look of horror on Twilight's face will forever be etched in my mind. I think she expected Celestia to blast me off again or something like that. Guess it comes from the fact that I don't know how to treat royalty.

What Celestia did though, surprised Twilight, and her friends AND the guards,

“Oh yes, I was going to comment on that. Release him please. I never asked for anypony to be shackled, did I?”

One of the guards whined, “But Princes-”

“Did I?” She rebuked with a trollish grin.

Y’know. I'm beginning to like her.

The guards let me go with frowns of utter complacency. I know fellas (and lady), I'm just hard to let go of aren't I? Nevertheless, once my wrists were free, I rubbed them and raised a humored brow towards Celestia,

“Thanks. Y'know if I didn't know any better, I would give these guys a raise. That fucker?” I said pointing at the regular dude, "Damn near broke my arm. Top notch security let me tell ya."

Celestia rolled her head and seemingly shrugged, “If you think my guards are good, you should see my sister's.”

I gasped and said to no one in particular, “She has a sister?! My goodness, two Princesses!”

Twilight picked up a discarded cigarette and threw it at me, a false smile on her muzzle, “Tick? That's enough-”

Aw.. Is little Twilight embarrassed? Good. Do you know what fucking tree floor tastes like? No? Well it don’t taste good.

“So, you are the character Twilight has told me about.” Celestia added with a smile.

I ever so graciously nodded, “The one and only. I hope what she's told you are my best qualities…” I said with a stare towards the shocked unicorn.

“Tick is it? Well, she used…” Celestia gazed at her pupil and tittered, “Choiced words.”

I looked towards Celesta in surprise, “Oh did she now?”

Celestia giggled, “Indeed.”

I gazed at Twilight with an innocent smirk, “I have been nothing but an angel to her. I swear.”

Twilight snorted, “Angels have wings, he does not.”

I raised a hand and held two fingers up, “Second offense Grapefruit. Third strike and you're out.”

Celestia pursed her muzzle, “Sarcasm?”

I clicked my tongue, “It's fun. Should try it some time, Celestia.”

Celestia looked thoughtful, “I have actually. But then one thing led to another and a war almost broke out.” She sighed, “You aren't allowed to joke around when ruling over so many subjects it seems.”

The mute horror on Twilight, Applejack, Dash and Celestias guards faces was fucking GOLD.

"Sounds like they could use a reminder of who they are talking to hmm?" I said with a snicker.

Celestia giggled, her hair fluttering with no wind present, “I could try to be more aloof in my free time, sure.”

Swatting the guards away to pick up my items of interest, I responded with a callous,

“Yeah, well, I'm guessing you didn't take off on keeping your kingdom safe just because you, ‘didn't care’.”

Celestia said it as if I had hit the nail on the head, “Precisely! I actually took time away to come see the newest resident in Ponyville.”

I smiled, “Well here I am, your highness.”

“Quite, I admire your enthusiasm.”

Oh it's not enthusiasm, Celestia. Call it what you want, but it's not that. I put a hand to my bleeding lip, fighting the urge to spit on the floor. Gotta get used to the fact that the outside looks like the inside for some of these houses.

Celestia grinned, ushering her guards to exit stage right, “Well! Enough of this indolence. I'm famished.”

Twilight blinked, merely trotting forward as if half dead, “Right… Breakfast…”

I watched her go into the kitchen, as she disappeared, I turned back to the Princess,

“Wow, do you normally have that effect on ponies?”

Celestia waggled her brows, “I doubt it is I who is affecting her, Tick.”

I gave her a smirk, “Must be your guards then.”

O.o.O.o.O

The meal was awkward. Really, that's all that I can say towards what happened. Twilight's friends left early, due to Pinkie saying something about a party, so I never got the chance to pick at Skittles for the slob she is. The only ones left were me, Twilight, Celestia, her guards; Fuck One; Bitch Two; and Asshole Three. I’ll come up with better names later. So while Celestia and her student caught up on the past events and what was to come, the three stooges and I held a polite staring contest as we ate.

The meal consisted of oats and lettuce. Horrible stuff, the oats were, but I couldn't complain because of what Ponies couldn't eat. Which was Bacon and… I think eggs. Anyway, We all were able to eat in the same vicinity, so to speak, so nothing bad happened other than me chucking oats off the guards armor. Which was hilarious to watch them do nothing as I harmlessly pelted them with food.

But… All the while of pestering the guards, A thought occurred. Not a normal, look see thought. It was more of a Christmas present.

Well maybe not like that, but still. Why was Celestia being polite to me, whilst everyone else treated me differently? Fluttershy doesn't count because half the time I was near her, she wouldn't even look at me. And Twilight is most definitely intrigued in me on a scientific level.

But Celestia? During breakfast, on occasion, and when I wasn't fucking with the three guards, Celestia and I engaged in short snippets of conversation. And I must say, that the whole time of doing so, I learned more than I ever would in a classroom.

It was again, mostly small stuff, regarding the varying degrees of my pysche, Equestria, the Inhabitants thereof, and what I thought about Equestria so far. (Hint hint, nudge nudge) Celestia learned quickly that I wanted out.

The last piece was the conversation killer. Basically being the last thing Celestia and I said during our feast. Something about talking in private. I agreed, on terms that I at least get something in my stomach.

So yeah, here we are twenty or so minutes later, and it was about time to cash in that agreement. Twilight was gathering the plates up in her magical grasp, shooting the silverware and such into the sink. I was out of oats, and the guards had opted off after that, throwing me dirty looks as they went.

So, as I stood and pushed my chair in, Celestia awaited patiently next to me, a soft smile on her muzzle. She needn't say anything, her actions clearly speaking the words, and I followed her into the other room.

Which, mind, was basically two steps away. It was the living area portion of the tree. So the only things to listen in on our talk were the books. And I doubt the books needed any more knowledge.

“Tick, there is something we need to discuss.”

I nodded as Celestia stopped and turned slowly,

“Yeah. Seems obvious with the whole, Privacy and all.”

Celestia slowly lost her smile, “And I'm going to be frank with you.”

The implications were there, and it was a factor from the start,

“I'm not going home anytime soon are I?”

It looked as if I hit her with a freight train. The grief that suddenly overtook her features,

“No… You aren't. And I wish it weren't I to be the one to say it, but… You might not be going back at all.”

Ah.

......

I feel as if I should be mad. Yes, I flipped a table already, but I had help. I could practically feel the power from this majestic being but yet hearing those words come from her mouth made my situation that more fucked than it had already been.

“Kinda figured. Twilight said something about it being a, Hard Spell.” I shook my head, suddenly plopping into the nearest couch cushion, “Whatever that means.”

Celestia looked over my shoulder, hearing Twilight was still doing dishes, she elegantly found a spot next to me,

“And she was right. The book she had taken came from a restricted area in the Castle’s Library. It was marked and hidden away for a reason. But I’m curious to know how it found her before she found it.”

I questioned, “You make it seem as though there was foul play involved.” Because there was.

Celestia shook her head, eyes leveled with mine, “Too much to guess, not enough concrete evidence in our hooves. What I’m implying is how does one take a forbidden tome that was held under lock and key?”

Which is quite the conundrum. Crossing my arms I shrugged, “Magic would be my best guess. The Ye Ol’ disappearing forbidden text trick.”

Celestia and I shared a short laugh before she sighed, “It's unfortunate that Twilight's search for knowledge is ever growing.”

I chuckled, “Well she's learning. Can't blame her for much. Even though she caused this.”

“Yes, this and much more, Tick. And as much as I hate to say it…”

I deadpanned, “Already said that.”

She repeated her words, “As much as I hate to say it, My fear grows the longer you stay here.”

Raising a brow, I leaned back, “I can't exactly go back, Celestia. One I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have a horn on my head and for shits and giggles sake, I don't even know where the hell I am.”

“Don't make me say it Tick.”

I blinked, “Say what?”

Celestia looked left and then right, “Y’know...”

I coughed, “I don't follow.”

She looked at me as though I was stupid. Which I probably was give or take.

“Must I spell it out?”

I smirked, “I could buy the vowels.”

Celestia let out another sigh, following it up with a small grin,

“It's been awhile since somepony has spoken to me as such.” I bet she's used to stuck up rich assholes always saying yes. I can only imagine the amount of frustration she has pent up when its only her on the winning side of an argument. One that has no push or shove.

Chuckling, I stuffed my hands into my pockets, “Well, it's my first time talking to a Pegacorn. So it's a start right?”

“Pega...Corn?”

I chided, “Yeah. Pegasus and a Unicorn. I could find a better name for you. You're both a pegasus and a unicorn. So, meh.”

Celestia blinked and sat there, a dumbfounded look on her muzzle.

“The…” She cleared her throat, “Correct term… Is Alicorn. And please, don't ask what we are, I'm also afraid that you simply won't get it.”

I snorted, “Are you implying-”

“That you are quite the idiot? Then yes I am.”

I unpocketed one of my hands and pointed, “Touché, Celestia.”

Celestia then looked at me askew, as if she were trying to judge me from the side,

“I'm sorry Tick. It's just so often my student finds trouble and undoubtedly so, it follows her where she may be.”

I glanced back to see Twilight using her magic to wash the dishes…

Gosh I wish it were that easy.

“Huh. Never thought she would be dangerous, Princess. She seems quite innocent.”

Celestia's face grew firm, “It isn't her that is dangerous. Only the things she brings with her.”

Ah so that's what she had been referencing before. I've been called many things in my short span of years. Many names that could kill the poor of heart and tear down the defenses of a stocked man. But never before, have I been called dangerous. It didn’t anger me, which is surprising yet again, but rather concerned me to beg the fact,

“You think I'm dangerous?”

Celestia blinked, caught off guard somewhat at the question,

“I… No. I don't want to believe you are dangerous. Nor do I want to find ways to think you are.” She straightened, “Your attitude is a somewhat oddity, but nopony can change that. I'm concerned about what you might do to somepony who does.”

I snorted, “I'd wring their scrawny necks.”

“And I can't have that. Tick,” Celestia began with a sincere tone, “Equestria has held firm for Eons for its peaceful and prospective nature. You would be surprised to find anypony other than yourself to bear even the slightest of a grudge.” She shook her head , a sigh parting through her muzzle,

“I will do everything in my power to find you a way back home. A way to reverse the spell. But,” She said looking down,

“I cannot say anything towards success.”

I pulled my package of cigarettes out and decided to light one. Need to keep count on those things… I offered one to the Princess, but she declined with a polite wave,

“You do that. Among the other things you have to do as well, I will give you my word-.” Taking a drag, I exhaled, smoke billowing out in small clouds,

“I’ll be a good boy and try not to destroy anything.” I finished with a smile, which did nothing to ease Celestia,

“Uh-huh.You don’t sound so convincing.”

Shrugging, I twiddled my thumbs, inhaling as the nicotine buzz caught up with me, “Probably so. A certain pegasus and I are already trying to murder one another. All I did was comment that she looked weird.”

“Yes. And you aimed at her friends too.”

I stuck my hands out, “T-they fucking broke INTO my house! What was I supposed to do?”

Celestia giggled, eyeing me with a newfound humour, “I don't know Tick. I imagine you were quite shocked.”

“Thanks, Princess.”

“Again. Just Celestia.”

I gave her a roll of the eye, gesturing a bow, “As you wish, Ce-les-tia.”

One of her guards re-entered, whispering something into the Princess’s ear. After a nod from the latter, the former left the building. Celestia smiled and stood, walking towards the door, “Tick, I leave you in the hands of my Student and her friends, just until I can find a solution to your problem.”

I watched as she turned with a hopeful grin, “We will get you home.”

O.o.O.o.O

Theres always the good and bad news in every situation. Even the small things. Celestia, was bad news. Apart from the fact that I’m stuck here till further notice, honestly I could see myself talking with her if she had time to spare.

The good news about today was that I was able to say greetings to what I'd like to think is my only other acquaintance in Equestria, Fluttershy. She decided to come over and see if she could get Twilight's pet owl. Apparently it was molting season, and the Owl had it pretty bad.

Get this, the poor owl's name is Owlicious. (Equestrian Logic people)

But upon seeing me, she and I had a very lengthy conversation that lasted about a minute before she disappeared. To me, that's a new record.

So that was the good shit for today. The other bad was I had nothing to wear, and Twilight had a nose for skunking me out. Sorry Twilight, if I had known I'd be transported across god knows what, I'd’ve packed myself a suitcase.

So in lieu of this, she scheduled me for a date with destiny!

In reality it was a time frame with another one of her friends who just so happened to be a dress maker. Something like that. Ironic right?

Why is that bad news might you ask?

Well, I don't like shopping, or anything to do with clothing. So, Rarity is in for one helluva surprise tomorrow.

I clambered up the staircase as the night drew in, my whole afternoon was filled with more questions rather than me getting answers. None of which were fun in the first place. Twilight remarked that it was strange seeing Celestia being so open with someone, it's as if she wasn’t a person. Crazy I know.

Reaching the second floor I watched as Twilight came out of her room with her horn alight. The purple glow caused shadows of the railing to bounce around the books that littered the oak tree. When she noticed me standing there menacingly, she smiled,

“Your rooms over here. I got rid of the clutter, but I can't do much about the smell.”

She gestured to the open door, stepping inside I did my best to duck the branches, peeking around the open space. It reminded me of a dorm room. Fit the size too. A bed lay in the right corner of the room, the headrest underneath a window that gave me a view of Ponyville. Next to the bed was a desk with a few drawers and a candle that was already lit. Running my hand along the wall I nodded my sentiments to the now proud unicorn,

“Nice job. Love what you did with the place.” I hopped onto the bed, coughing when I inhaled sawdust that rose up when my ass touched the comforter. Waving away the particles I then sighed, rubbing my temple. It was like the weight of the whole day finally came down. A bad caffeine rush.

“Y’know Tick - I’m sorry about all of this. Really I am.” My eyes flicked over to the bashful Twilight who had taken a liking to looking at the ground. I said nothing, my thoughts elsewhere. I may be rude, arrogant, not have a filter and know that I can simply seem like I don’t care about things. But what I truly hate more than anything else in the world, is someone who apologizes way too much, or way too often.

I don’t care, truly, if she is sorry or not. It’s not within my agenda to give a rat's ass. What I need rather than a sorry is a confirmation that my next train ride, or magic spell is back in my bed in my house. There’s a reason I’m a hard ass. But… I wasn’t going to tell her that.

So I just shook my head, waving my hand to signal her out of the room,

“Just... Leave it alone Twilight. I ain’t gonna accept your apology. Not for a while in fact.” Twilight bit the bottom of her muzzle, seemingly acknowledging that I didn’t want to talk to her.

“Goodnight Tick.”

After she closed the door, I fluffed my pillow and cozied up against the headrest. The sharp trill of the crickets and hoots of the owls outside faint, but soothing. Looking around the room again, my eyes fell on the desk to the left of the bed. There was a quill and notebook that were left next to the candle.

I hopped outta the bed and pulled out the chair to take a look at the item. Flipping through the pages, I remarked that there were some doodles, but the book on the first page was registered to Twilight, the rest of the pages were blank.

The cover was a dark brown, and the pages were frayed with a brownish yellow. Looking at the quill, I sat down and began writing. I’ve never used a quill before, but the memories of watching movies and TV shows of people just dipping the quill into the ink and writing did in fact help. The first page recounted my first contact with the six ponies, when I had finished writing, I did a rough sketch of each of their ass marks around the page, on purposefully fucking up Dash’s weird cloud and rainbow bolt.

By the time I was done with the second page, I had tried my best to recreate the sun insignia that was on Celestia's guards near the bottom of the page. I stopped writing after “Goodnight Tick.”

Looking outside the window, I sighed through my nose, placing my chin in hand. I didn’t mean to be so harsh on Twilight. I don’t want to be. But I can’t just displace this as, it is what it is.

I put the quill down, wiping my hands on my torn jeans. Blowing out the candle, I fell back on the bed, hoping and praying that I wouldn’t have any dreams tonight.

Author's Note

Heyo again it is I. More chapters soon. Just getting the grammatical issues out the way. Such a pain honestly. However we ball.

Side question - and you already knew I was going to ask this, favorite character from MLP. Go.

-Doood