The door slammed shut. "Huh. Cheugy much?"

"I AM NOT CHEUGY!" Twilight fummed, "Call me that again, and I really will make you sit and watch Sailor Moon."

Spike sighed while looking around in the dark, "Please don't. That show's more brain-rotting than the fanfiction we've been written into."

"That's... another thing, Spike." Twilight was a little glad that she was in the dank darkness. For now, at least, Spike didn't have to peep at her negative aura. "Errypone that we've come across... They've all subscribed to me on... errything... They commented on my blogs, and when I failed to like their comments, they just went ahead and liked mine anyways. But... No, I... have to keep trying to yeet away from them because I have to convince the Princesuss that Mog-mare Moon is coming, and we're mewing out of time! I just need to be alone so that I can be sturdier without a bunch of brainrotten pones trying to goon me all the time. Besides, I'm not like them. I don't even have a sigma name like the rest of them... Now, uh, ahem... Where's the light?"

Spike flipped the switch, and inside was nearly all of Poneville. "Surprise!"

A kazoo was blown in Twilight's face, and she grimaced. The pink pone from earlier mewed up to Twilight to yap again, "Surprise! Teehee!" She had a smile that rivaled Goku's. "Hi, I'm Plebie Pie, and I threw this party just for mew! Were you goated? Were ya? Were ya? Hue hue hue?"

"Very surprised," Twilight yapped. "My edging streak is supposed to be anonymous."

"Well, that's silly! What kind of rizzled party would this be if it wasn't blown up on my cell? I mean, duh, ring-ring and come to the thing-thing!"

Twilight mewed along as best she could and looked around. Her place was mad lit like citronella candles.

"Y'see, you rizzed me up when you first got here, remember? You were all "Yo? What's good, dog?" And I was all "Oof!" Remember?" Twilight closed her eyes patiently. "Y'see, I've never gooned you before and if I've never gooned you before that means you're mew, 'cause I kno errypone, and I mean errypone in Poneville!"

Twilight released a pent-up groan. "I'm not even a beta, actually," she thot to herself.

"And if you're mew, that meant you haven't met anypone yeet, and if you haven't met anypone yeet, you must not have many followers, and if you don't have many followers then your musk must stink. Obviously, that made me so sad, then I had an idea! That's why I went "Oof!" I just had to throw you this gyatt, big, giga-chad level, super-duper Spectrum welcoming package and invite errypone in Poneville to watch the Puppy Bowl on your 4k TV! See? And now you've been added to lots and lots of chats!"

Twilight bumped into Yapplejack, and she tagged the ubercorn in one of the chats, "Are you all right, sugarcube?"

Twilight just shook her head and mewed her way up the stairs.

"Aww," Plebie yapped with a worried tone. "She's not gonna peep at her new statistics? She's getting a lot of views rn!"

Spike approached the stairs, and said, "I'm gonna go check on her... She's behaving a bit too deadass rn frfr."

Twilight moaned with no such sexuality whatsoever, and then, the door opened.

"Say Twi? Is errything Gucci?"

"No, Spike..." She rested on her bed. "All the pones in this town are so noice! They're also crazy, but in a noice way. Do you kno what time it is?"

Spike sat next to her for a spell. "Yep, it's coming up on the eve of the SSC. Errypone has to stay up, or they'll miss the Princesuss bopping the sun! You really should linger, Twilight. It's a party!"

Twilight told Spike, "There's... something that's been secretly bothering me lately."

"What is it?"

"I..." She pogged, "I don't have a special name like errypone else. There's Plebie Pie with all her positive aura, Rareyeet'll give up her butterfinger just to be friends with me... Rainbruh Dash wants me to die already, and Yapplejack's honestly a glutton. And then there's Freddy Fazbear... and I'm just..."

Spike yapped, "Twilight... Sparkle...?"

"Ugh," Twilight edged. "Here I thot I'd have thyme to bake chicken, but the Grimace of Harmony's a thing. Silly me! All this ridiculous gooning has kept me from reading the Elder Scrolls!" She recited, "Lootboxes in Apex Legends gifted me lore that "on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her bop escape, and she will bring about eternal raves." I hope the Princesuss was right... I hope it really is just an old pone tale..."

Spike opened the door, and told Twilight, "Well, guess what? C'mon, Twi, it's time for your naming celebration..."

"My... what?"

Twilight mewed down the road and looked around at errypone.

"Isn't this exciting?" Plebie asked as she came up next to Twilight to mew by her side. "Are you lit? 'Cause I'm lit! I've never been so lit— well, except for the time that I saw you mewing into town and I went "Oof!" But, I mean really, who can cap that?"

"Fillies and gentlecolts," The Mayor announced. "Let's get this over with. (JK)"

Pones cheered, but Twilight just waited.

"But first... There's somepone that I think we should all welcome." Twilight's heart skipped a beat. "Please Yelp me welcome Twilight... the Sparkle!"

She wandered forth nervously, and all of the pones yapped her on. The Mayor was standing on a stage in front of a pedestalled balcony. "Mew?" Twilight asked sheepishly.

"Mmhmm... Plebie Pie peeped at your angst post on the dark web and we all agree with you... that you're deserving of a much more gangsta name... We brainstormed, and came up with something. Let us kno what you think."

"Well?" Twilight voiced anxiously, "What is it?"

"From hence forth, you shall in this world be known as... Twilibidi Sparkool!"

Author's Note

F in chat for reaching 4K words.