Fuck Google Maps (V1.0.1)
"So back off your rules! Back off the jive 'cause I'm sick of not living to stay alive!" Music blasted through the car as two humans drove slightly above the speed limit. The model of the car being a Honda Civic. "Leave me alone, asking a lot, I don't wanna be controlled. That's all I want!" The car went flying over a hill and got a solid three seconds of airtime. Okay, maybe a little bit more over the speed limit.
"Bro turn the fucking music off for a second," one of them said. He had shortly trimmed blonde hair and was wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans.
A button press later and the music was off. "What do you want, Tyler? I was enjoying the music," the other said. He had slightly long, rough black hair and had a white t-shirt and also blue jeans.
"The fuck do you think I want, Brian?"
The driver looked over at Tyler, who was giving him the 'are-you-fucking-stupid' look. He looked outside at the dirt terrain with no other cars in sight. Then, at his speedometer. His eyebrows raised as he eased off the brakes.
He facepalmed. "No, not that you fucking idiot."
"Bro, the fuck do you want from me?" Brian asked, throwing his hands in the air, causing the car to veer off to the left suddenly before he quickly grabbed the wheel and reverted it back to how it was. "Shit!"
"You're a dumbass, you know that?" Tyler sighed.
"Yeah, I know, just give me the fucking news, bro," he spoke slapping the steering wheel with his hand in agitation.
"Look in front of you."
Brian rolled his eyes and looked at the road. Dirt. Just dirt. Like it was before. He turned back to Tyler who was moving his hand in a rolling motion forwards before raising one eyebrow at him. "Bro, stop trying to give me these Einstein-ass puzzles! It's just fucking dirt, man!"
"Where the fuck are we going?!"
His mouth formed into an 'Oh' shape before he looked back at the road and onto his phone's GPS, which was mounted on the vent above the car settings. He frowned before speaking. "Well, uh- I don't know what to tell you man, it says we're going the right way."
"Oh yeah? Well Google Maps is lying to you. How far away are we?" Tyler asked, pointing to the phone.
He squinted his eyes. "Uh, like ten minutes away," he spoke.
"When's the next turn?"
"It says just go straight until we get there." He turned back to look at Tyler.
Tyler eyes widened as he threw his hands out to his sides. "Yeeeaaah!" he said slowly on purpose. He then threw his arms in front of himself, gesturing towards the road multiple times, his eyes somehow widening with each gesture. "There's just dirt!"
"Yeah, I fucking know! Didn't I tell you that already?"
"Oh my god." Tyler slumped backwards into his headrest, putting a hand on his forehead and groaning before jumping back out of his seat and throwing his arms out again. "Look at where we're going! There's nothing fucking there! If it was straight ahead, we'd see a fucking building already! I swear, I'm losing braincells just talking to you. We've been driving for fifteen minutes and we're already fucking lost!"
"Look, man, I don't know what to tell you! I'm just following the fucking GPS!" Brian tried to argue.
"YOU LIVE HERE!" Tyler shouted at the top of his lungs. "You've driven to Wendy's before!" He clutched his hair in agitation. "Oh. My. Fucking. God!" he threw his arms towards Brian, as if he was going to strangle him. "Pay attention to the road next time!"
"Bro, the area's changing, chill out! It's just a windy road from here, look!" Brian said calmly. Suddenly the road had turned from an endlessly long dirt path into a thick ass forest.
"Wha- Huh?" Tyler looked bewildered. "It wasn't like that before! You saw that it wasn't like that before!"
"Bro, are you schizophrenic? If it wasn't like that before, then how are we currently driving through a fucking forest?!"
"Look behind you!"
"I have a god damn rear-view mirror, why do you want me to-"
"Just look!" They both turned to look behind the car. It was just more thick forest. "Where's the dirt?! We were just there a minute ago!"
"Well, I, uh- we just turned on the road a little bit, so that's probably why-"
"Stop giving me bullshit excuses!" He was starting to turn red. "We just got to the damn forest! If we look behind us, we would've at least partially seen dirt!"
"We're driving fast, okay?! Maybe the dirt is already far behind us or something!"
Tyler looked at the speedometer. 55. "You are not driving that fast, man! That's barely even freeway speeds!"
"I don't know, man! I'm just as fucking confused as you are!"
"Then turn us the fuck around!"
"OKAY-!"
The trees began to disperse into an open field of bright green grass, with little rabbits hopping around. And by the looks of it, a small medieval-looking town was a little to the right, which the dirt path currently led them to. Their eyes widened.
"There it is! The Wendy's is over there! See! Google Maps wasn't lying!" Brian gestured heavily towards the village, a smile of victory on his face.
"What the fuck? Bro, this isn't even the same Wendy's that we go to- You know what? Nevermind. Slow the fuck down before you run someone over."
Brian rolled his eyes before letting his foot off the gas and easing onto the brakes. "Alright, alright! Jeez, mom."
Brian started to slow his speed to 35mph as they made their way to the town. Weird. He didn't remember there being an apple farm around here. And one with horses. A quite colorful horse. Maybe their owners are just fucking weird, he didn't know. He wasn't one to judge.
Eventually, they came upon the town, and slowed down to 25mph.
"Uh..." Tyler muttered as he saw colorful ponies of all different shapes and sizes walk around what looked to be a farmer's market. "What the fuck is with all the ponies? And why the fuck are they all so small? And why are there so many?! And why do they all look like a child's play thing?! It must be one of those weird ass ranch farm owners that plays with their animals! Get us the fuck out of here!"
"I know! I fucking know!"
"Why aren't you turning around?!"
"There's horses behind us! They're fucking surrounding us like Aliens, man!"
"Just run them over!"
The two started panicking as the car was suddenly stopped completely in its tracks as a purple hue held the car in place. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh fucking shit! We're so dead!" Brian started panicking, flooring the gas pedal to try and get out of there, only to kick up dust and do absolutely nothing other than nail a small filly behind them.
"What the fuck is this?! Oh my god, Satan found me! My mom was right! Why did I decide to watch porn?!" Tyler cried. "Oh god, oh god oh god oh god..." he started hyperventilating.
"What?!" Brian shouted, confused.
"I'm sorry I got us into this mess!" he shouted back.
"You watch porn?!"
"Who doesn't?!"
"I mean- that's fair, but- HOLY SHIT!" Brian screamed like a little girl after seeing a purple horse in front of the car with a glowing fucking horn?! "Get down! Don't let them open the fucking doors!"
They crouched down, holding the cupholders to keep the doors in place. "Brian! If we don't get out of this mess, I want you to know that I fucking love you, man!"
"I love you too!" The car started shaking them around like popcorn in a popcorn maker. "Oh my god this is so fucking gay!"
"At least we'll be gay together in the end!" Tyler cried.
"That's corny as shit, man!" Brian yelled, holding the door tight to his chest. "I don't want to die!" Then the door he was holding onto got ripped completely off of its hinges and he fell backwards into the mob of zombies- Well- ponies.
"NOOOOO! Brian!" He soon suffered a familiar fate as his door was ripped off of its hinges and he fell backwards, hitting his head and knocking him out cold.
Author's Note
Some random ass story that I'm going to be writing. I've been reading more "human in Equestria" fics recently and wanted to write my own, as some of them are just fucking hilarious.
Ha ha... this is going to be a fucking fever dream to write. 
Feedback is always welcome!
Update History:
V1.0 - Originally written.
V1.0.1 - Some minor tweaks on how I phrased stuff. Occasionally added an extra sentence or two.
Also:
"Uh..." Tyler muttered as he saw colorful ponies of all different shapes and sizes walk around what looked to be a farmer's market. "What the fuck is with all the ponies? And why the fuck are they all so small? And why are there so many?! And why do they all look like a child's play thing?! It must be one of those weird ass ranch farm owners! Get us the fuck out of here!"
Fuck Interrogations (V1.1.1)
Darkness. Total darkness.
"Pssst!" Tyler groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. "Wake the fuck up dude!" Brian hissed.
"I'm sorry mom... it was the magic horsey..."
"What the fuck?"
"Magic... horsey... wa- huh?" His eyes opened slightly before slamming shut again from a bright light source. Trying again, while straining his eyes, it was revealed that he was in a dark room with a single lightbulb lit above him inside of a cone lamp shade. It's yellow glow piercing through his retinas, as if judging his every sin. He was also sitting on a wooden chair, quite basic, but it was sturdy with rope tied around his arms and torso. The chair seemed to have him unwillingly scoot to the side.
"Bro! Finally! Help me get out of here!" Brian whisper shouted. That was when he realized that the two of them were sitting back to back in two wooden chairs. And that they were both tied down with the same rope.
"Where... the fuck?"
"We got captured by fucking ponies, Tyler. I don't know how, but they captured us. I think they have the force or some shit. C'mon, help me get the fuck out of here!" Brian started trying to free himself from the chair, rocking it back and forth. "Bro, what are you doing? You're just sitting there!"
A door opened up what appeared to be a staircase. The light shun slightly into the room, letting known a dark silhouette of a pony as they stepped into the room, the door closing behind them right after.
"Shit! Brian, they're here!" He started rocking the chair too. "Please don't impregnate us with your weird alien shit!"
The pony then stepped into the light, revealing themself. It was a purple mare with some stupid horn on its head that also had purple hair with a magenta stripe in it. "Oh shit! You're the one that stopped the car! Oh my god, we're fucking dead! We're so dead!"
"I'm not here to kill you. I'm just here to ask a few questions," the mare spoke calmly, making Tyler stop in his tracks. He eyed the pony with confusion as she spoke. "First of all, what are you? I've never seen your species around before and you aren't in any books. Secondly, why are you here?"
Tyler only managed to smack his lips together in random movements, blurting out random syllables. "I, uh-"
"Bro, what the fuck is happening?! I can't see shit!" Brian spoke, trying to turn his head to get a better look, turning the both of them around slightly in the process. That was until the chair he was sitting in was gripped with magic as the rope was somehow duplicated and his chair was turned to face the pony while sitting side-by-side with Tyler. "Oh, that's better- oh shit! It's the thing that stopped the car!"
Tyler groaned. "I fucking said that already!" The unicorn facepalmed. Or facehooved?
"Listen, what species are you guys? You two seem pretty innocent enough. Just tell me what you are," the purple pony said again. Brian had the same befuddled look as his friend.
"I'm sorry, am I going fucking insane or something? Horses don't talk," Tyler said. The interrogator scribbled something down on her notepad with a floating piece of paper and pencil. "Oh, shit, she you're right, Brian, she has the fucking force!" The mare looked at them with confusion. "What are you, Darth Vader or something? I don't want to end up like Admiral Motti!"
It was now the unicorn's turn to be confused. "Wha- I..- Look, Just answer the question!"
Both of the humans looked at the pony like she was a retard. "Y'know, I think I might be a human being. I don't know, though, I forgot," Brian spoke sarcastically.
"What the buck is a human-"
"I think the scientific term is Homo Sapien-"
"Shut the fuck up, Tyler!"
The unicorn glared at the two. "Stop with the interruptions!"
"Listen, lady, I don't even know your name! Why should I trust you?" Tyler asked.
"Bro, she's the one holding us hostage." Brian looked at Tyler angrily. "Stop trying to get us killed, man!"
"I already said I wasn't going to kill you!" the pony shouted before taking a deep breath and putting on a friendlier face. "Sorry, I didn't properly introduce myself. My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said with a strained smile.
Tyler snorted, trying to stop his laughter from echoing through the room, causing a crack to form in the unicorn's facade. "Tyler, shut the fuck up! You're going to kill us!" Brian shouted.
"What? What's wrong with my name?!"
"Did your parents name you that because you're purple or something? 'Cause that is one creative name you got there," Tyler said while still chuckling. "It even matches your ass tattoo."
"Okay, what-" the mare was shoved out of the way to be replaced by a flying blue-
"Is that a flying horse?!" Tyler screamed at the top of his lungs. "Yep. It's official. We're dead. Is this what hell is like? I didn't think it'd be this dark. I expected more flames and destruction-"
"Who are you two?! Are you guys spies sent here to take down the princess?!" the pegasus, who had quite a rash voice and a rainbow mane, flew into both of their faces, staring at them with one eye.
"Bro, you know what I'm thinking?" Brian asked with a snicker.
"Oh no," Tyler spoke to himself, seemingly giving up as he leaned back into his chair and didn't bother to look at the weird ponies anymore. "Yeah, we're dead."
"Tyler, shut the fuck up." Brian reverted his attention to the flying pony. "Yo, pegasus or whatever the fuck you are. I'm going to be honest. Did your parents ever tell you-"
"Oh my god..." Brian ignored him.
"-that you look like a living bag of tropical flavored skittles?" Brian finished. Tyler couldn't hold his laughter any longer. If he could, he would've fell on the floor laughing and rolling around like a pig. Brian joined in shortly after.
"What?! What is that supposed to mean?!"
Brian had to use all of his willpower to not laugh. "A-And let me guess! Y-Your name is Rainbow S-Spectrum or some stupid shit like that!" he said between labored breaths before he continued laughing.
She growled. "C'mere you little-" She raised a hoof before being yanked back by Twilight's purple energy.
"Rainbow Dash, stop!" Twilight spoke.
"Oh. My. God. I was right!" The laughter thickened. "I'm going to die from laughter before they even have a chance to kill us!" Rainbow growled as she was held back by Twilight's force choke, or whatever the fuck she was doing.
After the laughter died down - and Rainbow was feeling kind of suicidal - Brian regained his composure and straightened out his arms (as much as he could because he was still tied down) straight in front of him, his face turning still like a robot. "Okay, serious face now. Serious face. Sorry, what were you saying, Twilight?" Tyler couldn't help but snicker.
"I..." Twilight groaned and rubbed her forehead with a hoof, dragging the struggling pegasus out of view. "Okay. So you two are 'humans'. Why are you here?"
"We were on our way to Wendy's," Tyler spoke without hesitation. "We were looking for a good burger. Gotta be Wendy's."
"Bro, I'm going to be honest, Wendy's tastes like shit. I only eat it 'cause it's the only fast food place around here," Brian said.
"Oh hell no. You are not disrespecting Wendy's like that after you spent 25 minutes driving your stupid ass to this random ass village in the middle of no where!" Tyler shouted. "'Oh, I'm just following Google Maps. It just says to go straight-' you're a fucking dumbass!" he said, mocking Brian in a high-pitched voice.
"Dear Celestia- SHUT UP!" Rainbow shouted.
"Do I need to separate you two?" Twilight asked.
"Nah, we're chill." "He's my bro, you aren't separating us." Both of them spoke at the same time. Twilight's brain broke. She nearly snapped the quill she was using in half.
"I... Okay..." She wrote down some more stuff on her flying notepad, with noticeably more aggression than before. "How old are you two, anyways?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Well, I just got my license-" Brian started speaking before Tyler cut him off.
"Yeah, he just got his license and his dumbass thought it was a good idea to drive over 80mph on a dirt highway!"
"No one was there!" Brian complained.
"Yeah, you're lucky no one was there!"
"Shut up, Tyler!- We're sixteen," Brian said calmly, reverting his attention back to their interrogator.
"Wha- Huh? You're just children?" Twilight asked, her brain completely frying. They have such a potty mouth... She set down her notepad on a nearby table that popped into existence.
"I mean, I'd like to think we're mature young adults-" Tyler continued to speak.
"Shut the fuck up, Tyler!" Brian interrupted again. "Yes, we're kids."
"Oh." She spoke, eye twitching, before turning around and muttering silently to herself, "What the buck am I going to tell Celestia?!" She turned back around, her calm facade reforming as her horn lit up and their chairs were untied.
"Oh, that's neat. Nice, we're not dying," Tyler said as he got out of the rope.
"Yeah, no thanks to you," Brian said as he also got out of his own chair.
"Shut up," Tyler playfully shoved Brian aside before being shoved himself. And before they knew it, they were laughing as they walked up dark steps up to an open door where Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash had left the room.
Their eyes widened as walked out of the room. "What... the... fuck?!"
Author's Note
Taste the rainbow.
Version History:
V1.0 - The OG.
V1.1 - Added a few sentences of extra comedy. Nothing major, though.
V1.1.1 - Added a tiny detail.
Author's Note
Sorry for the long wait! I've just got a lot of school stuff on my mind recently.
As always, feedback is welcome!
EDIT: I had this chapter written already? And I DIDN'T publish it??? Uh... welp, this thing probably isn't fully done, but here's a chapter, I'm gonna work on chapter 4 now...
EDIT HISTORY:
V1.0 - Wrote the chapter. Can probably lengthen a few paragraphs, but this is substantial for now.
Fuck Train Rides
"What... the... fuck?"
Brian and Tyler stepped out of the basement into what seemed to be an actual tree. Like a living, breathing tree. With live leaves and all. You could see each individual layer of tree bark from the center of the room slowly expand outwards to the walls. The thing must've been at least a bajillion years old.
Then there was Rainbow, who was just flying slightly ahead of where Twilight was.
"How the fuck is this possible?" Brian voiced his thoughts aloud.
"I don't know, man, just go with it. We got a magical fucking horse who can probably zap us into ashes in the blink of an eye. Just don't question it," Tyler responded.
"Yeah, you're right..."
Upon focusing on their captors once more, they found Twilight and Rainbow making their way over to the living room, where the unicorn promptly shouted at the top of her lungs. "SPIKE!"
Brian flinched at the sudden noise. Tyler snorted.
About three seconds later, a tiny purple lizard appeared from around a staircase that went up to a second floor. "Yes, Twilight?" the thing asked politely.
"What is that, your butler?" Tyler asked, pointing at the tiny dude.
"What-? No!" Twilight scoffed. "His name is Spike and he's a dragon."
"I'm also her number one assistant!" the little guy added.
"... A dragon..? Like, a full fire-breathing dragon?! Oh shit!" Tyler shrieked.
Rainbow snickered and Spike shrugged.
"So, Twilight, what are those two things anyways? They seem pretty harmless," Spike asked, looking up to her. "They sure don't seem as threatening as they did when you guys pulled them out of that giant... metal... thing."
"Well, apparently they're 'humans'. Spike, make a note to Princess Celestia for me; we're about to head over to Canterlot to see the princesses," Twilight spoke, clearing her voice.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
"Most recently, two creatures, who deem themselves to be called 'humans', have appeared in what seems to be highly advanced technology inside of a giant metal carriage. Their technology seems to be far more advanced than ours and they seemed like a threat at the time. Upon further investigation of the two humans, I figured out that they are merely children, the age of 16, and were going on a trip to get 'a Wendy's burger'. Whatever that means... We will be heading to Canterlot shortly to discuss what to do with the two new creatures.
"Your Student, Twilight Sparkle." She let out a breath of air. "There, did you get everything, Spike?"
"Yep!" he gave a small thumbs up before taking the piece of paper and rolling it into a scroll. He then took in a deep breath and exhaled a small flame which completely engulfed the piece of paper and disintegrated it into ashes. Then the ashes gathered in one place and flew out the nearest window, heading North.
"Uh, what?" Brian asked, bamboozled. "How the fuck does that work?" The dragon just shrugged.
"Alright! Come on, Rainbow, let's get the girls, we're heading over to Canterlot to see the princesses!" Twilight exclaimed, grabbing her saddle bags and dragging the boys along with her magic. "Spike, you stay here. I need someone to-"
"-look after the library while you're gone. I know! I've done this a million times already," Spike finished her sentence.
Twilight gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Spike." She looked out the door as four more horses approached. "See you in a bit!" she called out to him as she walked away.
The two humans simply glanced at each other, not really sure what to get out of the situation. Now there were four more talking horses to worry about. They glanced worriedly at the two humans, but otherwise didn't say anything. The group of new ponies consisted of an orange farmer, by the looks of it, with blonde hair, a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, a white unicorn with a purple mane, and an extremely jitterish pink pony with an extremely fluffy pink mane.
Twilight turned to talk to them. "Alright, girls. These two are humans, and they're around the age of 16. We'll be taking them up to Canterlot, so behave around them." She turned to the ones she was talking about. "Same goes for you two. Behave. And try not to use bad language, please? There are other kids around here."
The humans looked at their new companions, nodding slowly. "Do they all look like they're colored in pastel?" Tyler asked Brian. He simply shrugged.
At last, the group made their way through town, drawing weird looks from every pony and foal around. Brian just ignored them, not really caring about the situation. Meanwhile, Tyler saw a filly that looked to be the age of five and did a silly face with his tongue out and his left eye closed, causing the child to shriek in terror and run away. He snickered.
Twilight nudged him. "Hey, that's not nice."
Tyler scoffed. "It's not my fault they're a bunch of pus-" He quieted down after seeing the glare coming from Twilight.
Brian snickered. "You, too," Twilight told him.
They continued walking in silence. The four behind them kindly staring at them like they're a public science experiment. One of them, the fancy white unicorn, looked at them in disgust. Another one, the pegasus, cowered in fear upon eye contact. The farmer looked to be quietly judging them and the pink one was just... jumping up and down.
"Does she have ADHD or some shit?" Brian asked Tyler silently. Tyler just shrugged and looked to where they were going once more.
Eventually, one of them, the cowpony, sped up the pace of her walk to catch up to them , having a slight glint of determination in her eyes. Eventually she matched their pace.
"Howdy," she said, introducing herself while tipping her hat. "The name's Applejack. Ah work here 'round that farm you two were passing by while inside that machine o' yours. Who are you two?"
Tyler snickered while Brian gave a small smirk, reaching a hand out towards the pony. "The name's Brian. Ya know, we here got ourselves a neat ol' cereal named after you back where we come from," he said with a heavy southern accent, tipping an invisible hat as he did so. "This here's ma good friend, Tyler," he said, gesturing a hand towards his friend.
Tyler laughed out loud, Brian following suit shortly after, unable to keep his laughter contained. Applejack simply rolled her eyes. "Nice ta meet ya'll, too," she said, chuckling lightly. "Ya know, we thought you were evil or somethin' of the sorts. Glad to see we were wrong," she smiled.
"Nice to meet you, too," Tyler said after choking down his laughter. "It's nice that somebody 'round these parts has a sense of humor!" He said in a southern accent, locking eyes with Twilight in the process, who just rolled her eyes and continued walking.
Eventually, they made it to the train station.
"Hello, sir! Tickets to Canterlot, please!" Twilight spoke in a polite manner before looking down towards her saddlebag to retrieve a bag of bits.
"Tickets to Canterlot, huh? How many do you... want...?" the stallion voice trailed off as he made eye contact with the two humans. Tyler gave him a predatory grin. He fainted.
"Ah, there we go! I'd like 8 tickets to Canterlot. Six adults and two- huh?" Twilight asked as she looked up from her pouch, holding a small bag of bits in her magic. She looked back to Tyler, who was holding a hand to his mouth trying his best not to laugh. She rolled her eyes and placed 14 bits on the counter, grabbing 6 adult tickets and 2 kid tickets from the booth with her magic. "Come on, girls," she sighed, scribbling a small note saying 'sorry!' and placing it on the counter for when the ticket stallion awoke.
Upon getting on the train, the group huddled into one of the side doors that led to a small room; barely enough to contain them without someone squishing against a wall.
"Alrighty! Train trip!" the pink pony exclaimed. No one around her spoke up. "No one? ... Awkward..."
The group sat in silence as the train started to move. The occasional cough of a pony bystander was heard, but other than that, only the noise of the train riding along its tracks could be heard.
Eventually, Brian broke the silence. "Hey, I never asked what happened to our stuff?" His friends face lit up in an 'oh shit!' manner.
"Oh no, my phone! Please tell me you have my phone!" Tyler asked, distressed, grabbing Twilight's shoulder and shaking her.
Brian snickered. "I didn't know you were so addicted," he laughed. "Probably from all the stuff you watch on there," he said, smirking knowingly.
"What?! No! Do you know how expensive my phone is?! My mom paid for that shit!" He put his hands over his head. "She's going to kill me when I get back."
"Do you mean this?" Twilight asked, pulling out a small black rectangle with a glass screen from her saddlebag.
"My phone! You didn't destroy it! Yes!" He reached out to grab his phone, but the unicorn quickly moved it out of his reach.
"Sorry, until you two see the princesses, I'm going to have to confiscate these from you," she said sternly. "These could be dangerous! Equestria has never even seen technology like this!" She said while examining the phone closely. I'm going to have to do more research on this.... She put the phone back into her bag.
"What? It's not even dangerous! It's a device that you use to-" he was interrupted.
"While I may believe you, we can't take any chances. Any chance that it ends up being dangerous means that it should be locked up or examined further for disassembly."
"It's just a phone! How is that tiny thing going to-"
"Tyler, it's just another hour or two," Brian spoke up. "Oh, by the way, do you have my phone too?"
"I think so. It looks nearly the same, right?"
"Yep."
"Then you two don't have to worry."
The train ride then promptly resumed being absolutely quiet. That was until the other unicorn spoke up.
"Sorry, I just can't take this awful silence anymore! My name is Rarity. I'm presuming you two are Brian and Tyler, yes?" the mare spoke with an accent that heavily reminded the humans of stuck-up rich people.
"Uh, yeah," Brian answered. Tyler slumped back in his seat and crossed his legs.
"Where are your relations with each other? You each seem to know the other quite well," Rarity asked, leaning her body forward slightly to listen to the conversation better.
"Well, we met sometime in middle school. English class, I think. It was that one class that had that boring ass teacher-"
"-Mr. Brokins! I remember that son of a bitch!" Tyler finished for him, sitting up in his seat. "He absolutely sucked at teaching. I don't think a single student in that school liked him!"
"Well, except for Scott. I swear, he must've been in some secret relationship with that guy because there is no way possible to enjoy hanging around him." Brian pondered for a second. "Was he his son? Actually, that would make a lot of sense... They both had that same strict ass attitude, thinking they're smarter than everyone else in the room!" He calmed himself down slightly.
"Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah," Brian continued. "One day, we were sitting in class, having the absolute time of our lives. Mr. Brokins was going over the final project for the first semester; a partnered project where you had to write a story." He chuckled slightly as he remembered.
"And then Tyler over here turns over to me. Keep in mind, I've never talked to the dude in my life at this point, but he turns to me and tells me his idea for the most random ass story I've ever heard in my life." He laughed. "I don't quite remember what it was, but I remember that we teamed up and wrote the story. We somehow got ninety five percent!"
"Oh yeah, what was it?" Tyler racked his brain for any answer before coming up short. "Damn, I can't remember! Something about a clown as a teacher?"
"Yeah, you're right! I remember we specifically made the teacher sound and act like Mr. Brokins, without explicitly ever saying that it was him! Do you think he ever found out?"
"Nah, not with the grade he gave us. You'd have to be one fucking moron to give that high of a score after reading that. I'm pretty sure he just skims over every assignment."
The story seemed to lower the tension in the room. Rarity relaxed her shoulders more, Twilight gave a small smile, and Rainbow even laughed a little. The other pegasus even seemed to relax just a little bit more.
Eventually, the shy pegasus spoke up. "It sounds like you two are very good friends." She gave a small smile. "How was it before you ended up here?"
"Eh, just the norm. Wake up, go to school, eat lunch, go home, do homework, go to bed," Brian responded.
"Well, I feel it would be more accurate to say: Wake up, go to school, eat lunch, go home, stay up all night playing video games, and do missing assignments at 11:59," Tyler added.
"What, you don't get any sleep?" Brian laughed. "Actually, now that I think about it, it kind of makes sense."
"Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Hmm... cheesecakes... hmm..." Brian looked up, tapping a finger on his chin as he faked thought.
"Uhhh, let's move onto something else, shall we?" His friend snickered.
"Wait, what about cheesecakes?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Now I want to know!"
"Don't worry about it," Brian said, chuckling still.
"You can't just say that and not tell us the story! It's not fair?"
"Say what?" Brian asked.
"You know, the thing with the cheesecakes!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"I have no idea what you're talking about. What's this about cheesecakes? Are you okay?" Brian looked at her with fake concern.
Rainbow groaned as Applejack chuckled.
"Ooo, that totally reminds me! I need to bake a cake for a birthday party when I get back!" the pink pony suddenly brought up. "There's a young filly whose turning six tomorrow and I need to be there!" She gasped suddenly. "I didn't even give you two a Ponyville welcoming party! Oh my gosh oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I need to prepare! Two new Ponyville residents! You don't get that often! I really need to-"
"Sheesh, calm down, sugar cube, you can do that when we get back," Applejack chuckled.
"Is she always like this?" Tyler asked.
Twilight shrugged. "It's just Pinkie being Pinkie."
"Pinkie? Really?" Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Actually, that reminds me, all of your names go off of appearance except Rarity's. And maybe the other pegasus. I didn't really get her name..."
"Oh, sorry! My name is Fluttershy," the pegasus quickly apologized.
Tyler blinked. "That makes sense, actually. That still doesn't answer my question about Rarity, though."
"Well, I do work as a fashion designer. My designs incorporating gemstones also happen to be some of my bestselling work," Rarity answered.
"Wait, so are all of your parents fortune tellers or something? How do they just predict like that? There's no way that's a coincidence."
"Well, when I was a filly, I did show a fascination for gems. It is how I got my cutie mark after all."
"Your what? Never mind, that's still after you were born! Unless a cutie mark is some sort of birthmark or something."
"Wait, you actually bring up a good point," Twilight said, scrunching her muzzle. She equipped a pen and paper from her saddlebag.
"No! Bad, Twilight, bad! Don't you remember what happened last time you tried to study something like that?" Rainbow scolded her.
"When's the last time I ever did something like that-"
"Pinkie."
"Oh."
Silence rained in the cart for a few seconds. "Wait, what is this about Pinkie?" Brian asked.
"Well, dear, Twilight decided to research how Pinkie was capable of her... antics, shall we say, and..." Rarity paused. "Just don't do it, okay?"
"The hell is that supposed to-"
The train cart came to an abrupt stop, flinging the two humans out of their seats. "Ugh, what the hell?"
"Ah, we're here!" Twilight beamed. "Come on, let's go!"
