Chapters Doctor Whooves: Exile (Part 3: Fight Songs)
Rarity floated in nothing, yet something. She was barely conscious in that she wasn't, yet she was still aware of her quasi-surroundings. She turned her head(?) from side to side, seeing strange symbols surrounding her, all curved and containing more symbols within. Was it a... A language? Why did she think that?
Suddenly a sharp pain spread itself through all of existence. For the brief moment the pain lasted, Rarity no longer had a body, for the pain made it hard to think clearly. As soon as the pain ended, her body returned. Somehow she knew time was just rewritten to some degree, though she had no idea to what extent or how she knew that. She staggered to stand on nothing, which soon became ground beneath her hooves. She looked around to see nothing and everything.
"H e ll~~o~~?"
She tried to say that, only for the world to say it for her. Her voice echoed from everywhere except her own muzzle. Rarity thought for a moment, which changed the colors of the world around her. After a few more thoughts of confusion, she finally figured out what was going on.
The Arch had worked.
She was now in her own brain. Her parents/TARDIS were/was right! She was OK, she was just... Living inside of her body's brain. Whoever she was before was in the pilot's seat, leaving Rarity to drift for a while inside the recesses of her unconscious. And, just like her parents/TARDIS said, it was as if she was in a submarine, deep in a dark and scary ocean. As long as no monsters came by, she would be safe as long as she kept going further and further up towards the surface.
Wait... How did she know what a submarine was?
Before she could ponder that for longer, she heard... A noise, maybe? A laser syringe, she thought.
... Whatever that was.
Suddenly she saw a figure, drenched in shadow. A Time Lord, she assumed. It looked like a very skinny minotaur or an especially ugly Diamond Dog, or maybe a hairless ape. The figure... Had style, Rarity had to admit, with a red vest and some very curly hair, not to mention the extensive makeup. Rarity trotted up to the figure.
"W ho ~~a~~r e y~~o~~u ," Rarity demanded of the figure, her voice echoing throughout what must have been their shared head.
The figure leaned in close, centimeters away from Rarity's face, and whispered her reply through Rarity's own mouth.
"I am the Rani, and you are in my way."
And with that being said, Rarity dropped, and she went deeper and deeper... Until everything went black.
Applejack grunted. The world around her was a bit... Fuzzy. She wondered if she would ever feel a pain as intense as that again, but somehow she doubted it. She wondered if that was what death felt like, as if she had rolled around a briar patch whilst hornets and scorpions stung her after doing all of apple bucking season on her lonesome while suffering from a hangover and giving birth to a cactus the whole time, except somehow infinitely worse. In fact, she wondered if there was even a way a person could even describe the pain she had just gone through. Again, she doubted it.
Not helping her recover from that pain was Rainbow Dash's yelling.
"WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU JUST DO?"
The whole room turned to look at Rainbow. The Crusaders and Spike backed away slowly as Applejack recoiled from the noise.
The Rani just grunted in response. "If you choose to cause any more trouble, you will find out first hand. Or first hoof, I suppose."
"I'm willing to risk it."
The Rani rolled her eyes. "How heroic," she said sarcastically. She used her magic to hold up the strange device. "This is a laser syringe. It allows me to alter and manipulate biological material to a certain degree. It's mostly good for medical purposes, but I can and have just used it to activate all of your orange friend's pain receptors and cause them to go off simultaneously, meaning she felt everything her body could even remotely register as painful all at once in the span of a millisecond. Physically she's quite well, but it is the ultimate deterrent." She looked Rainbow in the eyes. "Would you like a demonstration by 'risking it' or will you quiet down?"
Rainbow grimaced, resolving herself to help Applejack stand up, which happened swiftly enough considering what the Rani described. Applejack weakly whispered "she ain't bluffin'" in Rainbow's ear just to make sure the message came across.
"Good," said the Rani. "I believe introductions are in order. I am known as the Rani, and based on your comments earlier I'll assume you already know I'm a Time Lord. I am a scientist, and I was using a Chameleon Arch in order to be able to learn your 'magic' and culture. My 'sister,' meanwhile, was a clone I designed as a control group to see how a Gallifreyan body would react to this 'magic' energy, as well as the formation of a 'Cutie Mark,' which I still cannot believe is the technical term. Have they changed that name in the past few years?"
All present nervously shook their heads.
The Rani facehoofed. "Great, just spectacular. In any case it was all for nothing since I used the wrong Arch."
"The hay do you mean by that," Rainbow asked.
The Rani sighed. "I used a model meant as a form of warfare. The model I wanted to use would have simply allowed me to absorb the memories of..." She squinted for a moment in thought. "Rarity? Yes, I believe that's what I named her. Instead, I used a model that allowed for those memories to be separated from me, allowing for an alternate personality to form similar to dissociative identity disorder."
"To what?"
The Rani just stared at the pegasus. "I have a split personality now, you simpleton."
Applejack managed to compose herself enough to ask a question herself. "Why would y'all even need somethin' like that?"
"I designed it to create sleeper agents in wartime. The user would open the Arch, allowing them to repress any positive memories of relationships with the enemy they were meant to infiltrate until well after they manage to sabotage whatever plans were in motion. There are many flaws with it, and testing caused at least five regenerations amongst test subjects, but overall-"
"RARITY'S STILL IN THERE," Sweetie Belle interrupted.
The Crusader and Spike gasped, while the adults were simply befuddled.
"I- Yes," the Rani confirmed, not wanting to go into some complimented scientific explanation that basically could've been boiled down to "yes". "But don't expect her to just pop up like this was some fairy tale-"
"Don't worry Rarity," Spike yelled, "I'll save you! With the power of love!"
This resulted in awkward looks from all there aside from the Rani, who just stared at the baby dragon. "What," she said flatly.
"Come on, Rarity," Spike said. "It's me, Spike! I know I can free from there if I just-"
"First of all," interrupted the Rani, "how old are you?"
Spike was taken aback by the question. "Um, 11?"
"So a pre-teen?"
Sweetie "Dictionary" Belle spoke up. "Actually, he's technically a baby, dragons just age slower."
"I see," said the Rani. "And how old am I, according to your knowledge?"
Rainbow shook her head, her hoof massaging her muzzle to brace for the awkwardness she knew was coming. "You're, like, 19, same as me? Though you're a Time Lord, so you're probably really a bajillion by now..."
"Right. And that's an adult age, correct?"
"Eeyup," said Applejack, who thought this was a long time coming. She just wished the actual Rarity was the one to say it and let the poor whelp off easy.
"So, unless your world's customs are outright reprehensible to most of the universe or 'Rarity' is a horrible person, she does not love you back. You are a literal baby, and she is a grown adult, so that wouldn't even work regardless."
"That's not true," Spike protested. He looked back at the rest of the group. "Right, guys?"
There was a heavy silence, and very little eye contact, until Applejack spoke. "Well, uh, she likes ya as a friend, but yeah. Rani here's right, she's too old for y'all, she just doesn't wanna break yer little heart. Sorry, Spike, but... Somepony had to say it."
Murmurs of embarrassed agreement filled the room as Spike's heart sank.
"Oh."
And that was all he said before sitting then laying down on the ground.
The Rani shook her head. "Secondly," she continued, coldly, "while I'm sure even 'Spike' could could use his friendship to drive 'Rarity' out in normal circumstances, she is embedded so deeply into my subconscious that she wouldn't be able to hear any of your cries." Although, she thought to herself, if she is even half as determined as I am I expect her to claw her way out before the end of the day. "In any case, you're stuck with me for the time being. Believe it or not, I don't actually want to be rid of her. Whatever knowledge she's grabbed as a sorceress would be useful to me."
Scootaloo stifled a laugh, resulting in yet another stare from the Rani.
"And what, might I ask, is so humorous?"
Scootaloo stood defiantly with a cheeky smirk. "What are YOU going to do to make me answer? Hurt the little filly?"
"I will hurt the 'little filly's' sister," she said without skipping a beat and pointing her syringe at Rainbow, "so do not test me, and tell me... What is so damn funny?"
Scootaloo's faced turned a bit dour, though she was flattered that whoever this alien possessing Rarity was immediately assumed Rainbow Dash was her sister. "Well," she began, "you do know you weren't a sorceress, right?"
The Rani stopped for a moment. "Well, then I must have been a scientist of some sort. Judging by my 'Cutie Mark' I should at least be an astronomer."
"What are you talking abou- WOAH! YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CUTIE MARK!"
Everyone, Spike excluded, looked. Indeed, instead of a familiar set of three diamonds there was a set of three differently sized circles overlapping one another, with two lines resembling the arms of a clock, a stylized sun and moon at each end, in the middle.
Even the Rani was taken aback. "I had a different 'mark?' Fascinating! At least I managed to get some scientific data out of this. I suppose I had something more simplistic, like a test tube or perhaps a different kind of clock."
"That's a clock," asked Applebloom.
The Rani rolled her eyes. "It's an astronomical clock, meant to measure how celestial bodies such as the sun and moon move as well as the time of day."
"Why would ya need to measure that? Y'all could just write a letter to the princess."
The Rani did not want to even dignify the question of how to even possibly connect those two sentences, so she instead asked "what was my 'Cutie Mark,' then?"
Applebloom scratched her head with her hoof. "Ah think it was three diamonds, right girls?"
Everyone but Spike nodded. The Rani pondered that. "Was I a geologist?"
Sweetie Belle piped up. "You were a fashion designer!"
The Rani blinked. "A WHAT?"
Sweetie Belle backed away slightly. "A fashion designer? Is your hearing alright or-"
"You must be joking. One of you tell me she's joking!"
None did.
"I can't believe thi- A fashion designer?!? I am one of the brightest minds in the history of my entire planet, and yet I use it to make fancy dresses? This is unbelievable! I am simply appalled that-" She stopped to take some frightfully quick breaths before they started to slow. "Well, at the very least I didn't miss much scientifically. I apparently decided dresses were a much better use of my ti- Ugh."
For the first time that day, despite the Rani saying the exact opposite of what Rarity would, they actually felt like similar people.
Sweetie looked at the Rani with big, watery eyes. "Does this mean I won't get my sister back?"
The Rani sighed. "No, no, I would still prefer to have memories of for both scientific studies and because... Well, quite frankly I would like to know what it's like to have a little sister. Besides, I do not want my experiment to be on my bad side, so... I suppose I'll try and bring Rarity back." It was all at least partly true... Though the fact that Rarity would likely come back on her own was something the Rani neglected to mention.
"You mean it?"
The Rani sighed again. "Yes, my little Time Tot. I do."
There was a collective sigh of relief, as if some of the tension in the room had suddenly vanished... Tension that would suddenly come back once two holograms appeared behind the Rani.
"Glad to hear that, ya hoser," said Cookie Crumbles, "we're glad this didn't turn into a big gong show, eh?"
Yelps all around from all except the Rani and Spike, though the Rani did groan. "Really? Why did you choose THOSE accents?"
The two holograms looked at each other. Hondo Flanks was the one to speak. "We thought it was funny, eh?"
The Rani groaned again. "Fine, fine. I regret giving you the ability to talk consistently, but I don't want to handicap my time machine."
"Did ya like our switcharoo with the Chameleon Archs?" Cookie gave the most innocent grin possible after that.
The Rani's eye twitched. "Why in the name of Rassilon would you sabotage my experiments to study a new kind of energy? For what POSSIBLE PURPOSE would you have done that?"
"So you could make some friends, ya hoser," answered Hondo.
The Rani's eye kept twitching. "... And these... Ponies, and the dragon are supposed to be them?"
"And then some more," exclaimed Cookie. "You're an Element of Harmony, after all!"
With that, both holograms disappeared.
"Well," the Rani said, defeatedly, "I suppose we're going to be..." She shuddered. "'Friends', then."
The rest of the room, including Spike, looked at the Rani.
"WHAT?!?"
"My sentiments exactly," the Rani continued, "but one thing you all need to know about a TARDIS. They experience time all at once. They know everything that happens within them from the moment they are born to their demise. As such, they already know my future. Therefore, if they say I'll be 'friends' with you all, no matter how... Frustratingly long that takes, I will. As such, I am going to at least try and do it on my own terms, starting with taking the two adults on an expedition with me."
Applejack's jaw practically dropped. "Y'ALL JUST MADE ME GO THROUGH EV'RY PAIN I COULD EVER GO THROUGH!"
"And I don't even want a 'friend,'" said the Rani, as if the word friend was so alien a concept to her she found it disgusting, "but history is already written. I suggest against fighting it and at least attempting it with me."
Applejack muttered something under her breath. "Fine. Ya up for it, Dash?"
Rainbow exhaled sharply. "If we get Rarity back faster, I guess so. What about the girls and Spike?"
"They'll be fine," the Rani assured them, "the TARDIS will look after them, I guarantee it."
"So uh," Applejack said, "what now?"
"Oh. Well, I didn't realize you were all going to be on board when I took off, so we'll just do what I was planning to do alone."
Applebloom looked up. "What's that? Go explorin'?"
"I was going to conquer the planet," the Rani said matter-of-factly.
Everyone's jaws dropped, aside from Spike had once again resided himself to laying on the floor and gazing at the ceiling.
"We're going to conquer a planet," asked Rainbow.
The Rani nodded. "Well, I'll be doing a good bit of the work, but I can involve you both somehow."
Before either Rainbow or Applejack could protest, the Rani pulled both by the ear using her magic. "Come along now, we have much to discuss. Namely, what a 'Element of Harmony' is, how you know what I am, and, if we've the time, your names."
With that, she left the Boutique, pegasus and Earth pony in tow, leaving behind the Crusaders and Spike.
The three fillies blinked simultaneously. After a moment, Scootaloo said what was on everyone's minds.
"Well, that was weird."
"... I'm not entirely sure how well Generosity suits me. I think I'd be far better for Magic, but then again I suppose I'm not actually Rarity."
There the three were, walking along a desert with no real goal in sight, though the Rani knew they wouldn't be far from civilization.
"Yeah," said an exhausted Rainbow, her wings flapping weakly. "great. How long have we been traveling? Feels like it's been years."
The Rani answered swiftly. "Only five of your minutes. Granted the humidity is making it feel much longer."
"Eeyup," Applejack agreed. "Hotter than a chili pepper in July. Still, ain't botherin' me none."
The Rani grumbled. "Neither do double negatives, apparently," she muttered under her breath.
"By the by," the Rani said at a higher volume, "concerning how you know what a Time Lord is..."
"Well shucks," exclaimed Applejack, "that's a bit of a funny story. Ya see-"
"If it has anything to do with the Doctor, don't say another word."
Silence for a moment.
"Our friend Pinkie is also a Time Lord," chimed in Rainbow.
The Rani gave Rainbow an incredulous look. "Her name can't actually be Pinkie, can it?"
"It's what she likes to be called, but she used to go by Romana."
"The president? Well, small multiverse. Did she happen to go through anything called a Time War?"
Rainbow sighed. "Yeah. Did you?"
The Rani shook her head. "Time managed to be so absolutely massacred in that war an alternate version of me helped me avoid most of it."
Both of the other mares gave her weird looks.
"Look, joining that war was mandatory for some ridiculous reason. The only way out I had was for another me to give me a way out. It's time travel, specifically manipulated for wartime purposes. Even for Time Lords it got confusing. I still had to dodge continuity bombs and the like at various points, but I managed to avoid dying. The fact that I regenerated early on didn't help matters..."
"Now hold on one dadgum minute," Applejack said, "y'all really saw nothin' wrong in jumpin' out when they could have needed ya?"
"I didn't have a choice. I certainly didn't want to die, so it was either risk being erased from history out on the battlements or keep designing deadlier and deadlier weapons until the entire UNIVERSE was caught in the crossfire. Given the chance to leave by a version of me that already dealt with all that and considered it not worth it? Of course I'm 'jumping out,' as you so elegantly put it." The Rani rolled her eyes after that.
"Um, girls?" Rainbow pointed at a cloud of dust headed towards them. "We've got company!"
The Rani chuckled slightly. "Well, it's about time. Now, ladies, would you like to go for a manipulative approach? Or maybe I use my syringe on one? Or perhaps we can-" She stopped as she noticed what the figures looked like.
They seemed to be of various species. Ponies, dragons, yaks, and whatever else. However, as their faces came into view, the Rani noticed that all had the same colors for their coats, yellow with black accents. Not only that, but species like dragons even having coats was odd enough already. And of course, there were their rather feline characteristics...
"Oh, you cannot be serious," the Rani said, annoyed.
"What is it, sugarcube?"
"It looks like-" The Rani stopped and looked at Applejack. "'Sugarcube?' Gah! Whatever! It looks like the TARDIS sent us to the literal ONLY PLANET I could not have conquered outside of Gallifrey itself! We're going to have to run."
"Now wait a cotton pickin' minute, Rani! What are they?"
As the war-ready coalition came forward, the Rani narrowed her eyes.
"Cheetah People."
Author's Note
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Doctor Whooves: Exile (Part 3: Fight Songs)
Somewhere, a unicorn collapses, having delivered her prophecy to a Gallifreyan and a pegasus. Unfortunately, the mad prophet died on the spot as soon as she had finished.
Then again, ever since the world ended, there wasn't much else left to do.
Pinkie did not remember her Party Cave not having a ceiling. This was a bad sign, even without the knowledge of time having been ripped a new one. She quietly exited the Party Box, scanning the area around her with her sonic for any threats. After a moment, she quietly signaled for the rest of her group to exit her TARDIS. One by one out came Twilight, the Doctor, Fluttershy, Starlight, Discord, and last, but not first, Trixie. All present looked up to the very visible, mud-brown sky in horror. Discord excluded, of course, though even he took it seriously.
"Hrm," he said, "that's probably not good. Even if it was, it's too boring for my tastes."
Twilight flew up to get a better look at the area. Most of the buildings were leveled into non-existence, which explained part of why the Party Cave's view was unobscured by Sugarcube Corner. Twilight gasped as she came to a realization.
"Starlight," she said, "remember the other timelines we saw back when... You know..."
Starlight's eyes widened. "Oh," she shakily replied, "I wondered why this all felt... Familiar..."
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Why? What happened?"
Starlight didn't divert her gaze from the sky. "Back when I was, uh, not a very good person, I tried to mess with time itself to get my way. It resulted in a ton of different timelines, and this... Abyss, was one of them. But we fixed it! This shouldn't be happening, right?"
"Hmm. I saw a similar area in one of that damned theatre's 'productions.'" The Doctor got out his own Sonic for a quick scan. He frowned further than he already had. "Dreadful, simply dreadful."
"What is it, Doctor," asked Fluttershy.
"There aren't even bacteria in the area! Whatever happened here killed of everything in the area."
Fluttershy gasped. "EVERYTHING?"
The Doctor grimly nodded. "Not even a cockroach survived whatever hit here. I wouldn't recommend stepping too far from Ms. Pie's TARDIS, either. There's oxygen, but nothing that could last you more than a few minutes without issues arising."
Discord snapped a talon and frowned. He snapped it again and had a pina colada made of strawberries and dodecahedrons appear in his paw. "Beyond the Party Box's radius is a dud for me as well. It will likely go away after a year or 2, but there's a sort of energy here preventing my chaos magic from working. I'll give this much to whoever caused the end of the world, they know their stuff."
"So that confirms it," Pinkie said.
Trixie looked at the Time Lord. "Trixie begs your pardon?"
"Well, it would seem the world has ended. Let's unend it!" Pinkie paced around, trying not to notice all of her ruined archives of her friends favorite things. "This was caused by something in the past! We just have to figure out when exactly that is!"
"Easy," Starlight said. "We start by going back to see if somepony did something to Rainbow as a filly."
"I don't think it's that." Pinkie looked to the sky. "There were a lot of things that could have hopped off from that, like Sombra starting a war or Nightmare Moon causing eternal night. It's more likely whatever caused this went to the specific point where this was averted and shifted things around to the point where it wasn't."
The Doctor began pacing as well. "Whatever could cause a shift in time like this is exponentially powerful. It's impossible to make such a drastic change in a world's fate. The only reason any of us are alive is due to Ms. Pie's quick thinking."
Discord scoffed. "Well, I would have survived, though I don't deny it would have hurt, so thank you again, Pinkie. In any case, the Doctor is correct. This seems like the sort of thing Ordinance would do, but she's not nearly that powerful without the Key to Time. Neither another version of myself or any of my other siblings would want to cause something like this, so who woul-"
🎹Dun, da dun dun dun! Dink🎵 "Daddy was so mean, daddy was so rough, daddy's always daddying and that is quite enough!"
With a discordant ending note, the figure playing the piano turned to look at the group, all of whom were already staring in the figure's direction. The figure appeared to be a pinkish pony pony, with a swirly purple and white mane, with eyes to match. They were sitting at a piano, which certainly wasn't there before, with a sinister yet smug look on their face.
"Oh, excuse me," the figure said. "My notation in your universe is Screwball! They/them pronouns, not that you asked, though I'm also known in some worlds as simply... The Maestro."
Discord groaned. "Screwball! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be chasing after your father or something?"
Screwball laughed in a very strange way that made their voice move up in tone before moving downwards again. "Oh, you know I HATE him, Uncle Dissy! Besides, he's on the other side of the multiverse right now."
"And that's another thing! Whenever people see you with me they just assume I'm your father!"
"Awwwww," they pouted before playing the piano again. "But yooooouuuuuu are my Daddy Discord... Sorry about that Uncle Dissy, but in order for Ordinance and I's plan to-"" They stopped and WOAH WOAH HEY-
YOU don't get to make me give inflammatory exposition, got that you hack?!?
We're just telling the story here! We can't just force you to make decisions tha-
NOT YOU!
Your puppeteer...
... S- Sorry, what was that?
Get back to narrating, you clowns! "anyways," screwball continnued, "i think i've said more than enough, dont you?"
"If Discord is your uncle," the Doctor piped in, "then your father must be 'Negligence,' is that right?"
"Oh," Screwball chuckled, "as sharp as ever, Doctor! Though you've already met him, just under a... Different, name."
The Doctor gulped. "Yes, I'm well aware."
"Wait," Pinkie said, "who are you guys talking about?"
The Doctor hesitated. "The Celestial Toymaker."
Pinkie's eyes widened. "Th- that's a joke, right?"
The Doctor just frowned, looking downwards.
Suddenly, Starlight felt a magic aura surrounding her. "Um, Trixie, what are you doing?"
Trixie moved Starlight closer to her. "Panicking, that's what she's doing. Please hold Trixie."
Starlight took a moment to register what just happened before complying.
Pinkie Pie, meanwhile backed away slowly as the Maestro laughed. "What's the matter, Pinkie? Scared of a few bedtime stories? You should be. "
Twilight stepped forward, hiding Pinkie behind a wing. "What do you want?"
Discord put a paw in front of Twilight, a subtle message to not approach further. "That would be my brother's spawn. They're the embodiment of music itself and feed upon songs unsung."
Twilight gave a disbelieving look. "Then why end the world? No more world, no more music! It's like how if there's no chaos left in our universe you'll disappear and find a new one!"
"Boy," Screwball butted in, "for the brightest wizard of your age you can be a plothead sometimes. He said I feed off the songs NOT sung. Every time a person has a song to sing and dies before they can sing it, I get a nice meal. Meanwhile, my Auntie Ordi wants everything dead. Up until me being alive dissatisfies her it's a win-win! She gets to wipe out a bunch of the multiverse before killing me and I get a smorgasbord of food before killing her! And with Gaea dying, a thousand years worth of heartsongs and normal music going uncomposed... It would give me enough power to finally, FINALLY reach the music of spheres. With that... I could go back to the beginning of a universe and stop it from ever existing. Oh, the songs that would never be sung, they would taste delicious... And besides, there is music around if you just have a listen..."
Low, howling sounds that had previously faded into the background made themselves known.
"Aeolian tones," Twilight noted. "The sound of a nuclear winter. Music without any people... All across the universe."
The cruel pony just gave that ungodly arpeggio laugh. "I'M GOING SOLO! Or at least, I will once I find a way to get a leg up on Auntie."
"How did you even arrive in this universe," demanded the Doctor.
There went that awful laugh again. "And what makes you think I'll say? If even she can't make me spout my plans you don't stand a chance!"
"Your father was the Toymaker," the Doctor stated matter-of-factly, "and he established the rules of fair play. The one thing he would never do is cheat, and while you may be right to disparage him you still follow the rules he put in place. Isn't that right, Discord?"
"Oooh, very clever Doctor, as always," Discord confirmed.
Screwball huffed. "Ugh, you're JUST as insufferable as the Doctor I encountered last time. Fine... It was the work of a musical genius."
"Please elaborate, dearest nibling, we don't have all day." Discord gave a toothy grin, taunting the Maestro.
Screwball growled. "She found the lost chord. It let me in, and she made for a tasty snack! Ha!"
"And if there's a chord that lets you in," Starlight guessed, "there's one that kicks you out, right?"
The Maestro grimaced before their eyes lit up and they smirked. Didn't you hear what I said? A genius. All of you may be bright, and creative, and drop dead gorgeous (Uncle Dissy excluded), but none of you are outright geniuses."
The mares started glancing at each other. If the Doctor, Pinkie and Twilight didn't qualify as geniuses to this monster, who would?
"And hey, I can give you a little hint on where to go and what the plan is with two questions. One is... Why do people think I'm your kid, Uncle Dissy? Two is... What did Twilight say that felt weird, Madame President?"
Pinkie recoiled at the mention of her title. How could they have..?
"Anyways, I think it's time you got started on this little 'game' you've forced me to make, huh?" With that, the monster returned to their piano and played a menacing little tune... And the Party Box went on the fritz.
"GIRLS! DOCTOR! DISCORD!" Pinkie pointed towards the malfunctioning TARDIS. "In the Party Box, NOW!"
With that, there was a rush to the dingy little box as the Maestro gave horrible laugh once more...
Pinkie went straight to the console and starting messing with it. "You aren't taking my TARDIS, you storybook monster!"
"Bash all the things that you've ever wanted Turn all the friends that you've ever known Your coats all fade to gray as we both die of laughter!"
Pinkie kept bashing at the console while the Party Box tossed people inside it around like salad. "COME ON!"
"Nonstop order and we don't care We relish in the death while you wallow in despair Because it's all a tragic plot..."
"COME ON!"
To tear you apart...
Suddenly, the console came alive, and the Party Box was in the Time Vortex.
"Anything for Auntie Oooooooorrrrrrddddiiiii- Actually, no, that doesn't mesh as well. Ah well. At the very least, I know when they'll stop if they have any intelligence in them. It's a shame this is only in writing for your universe, dear readers, because I absolutely killed that performance! But then again, when don't I? And if Auntie Ordi and I have our way, well..."
We'll be killing a lot more than that.
ha hA HA HA HA Ha ha...
"Oh, thank Rassil-" Pinkie stopped herself. "Thank Celestia we made it out of there. Being near the child of the Celestial Toymaker..." Pinkie stared into the distance for a moment.
"Who's the Celestial Toymaker," asked Starlight.
Trixie shuddered. "Trixie's mother would tell her horror stories. The Toymaker is the embodiment of games and rules, and he views everything else as a game piece. You can challenge him to a game, and he HAS to accept. If you win, you get one PERFECT wish. Fail, and he'll turn you into one of his toys."
Pinkie spoke with a tone of tranquil panic. "Imagine if Discord was a worse person and somehow stronger, with the caveat that he has to play by the rules of a game. That's the Toymaker. I always thought he was a fairy tale, most people do. I never thought that..."
Trixie turned to Pinkie. "Do you think the story of Gaylord, the Human Gambler is true?"
"Wish I could say no," Pinkie admitted, "but now I'm not so sure."
"Perhaps we should focus," Twilight said. "Now, the 'Maestro' or whatever asked two questions. Why people assume Discord is that... Thing's father, and what I said that Pinkie thinks is 'weird,' as vague as that may be."
"Well," Discord said, floating around the console room, "I can try something." He looked up to the ceiling expectantly, almost as if-
...
No.
"Oh, come now," Discord said. "Wouldn't you like to get back at them for scaring you like that?"
We really don't want to be characters in this fic.
"Oh please," Discord scoffed. "At most you're a plot device."
A pl- A PLOT DEVICE? We're the writer here! We're not some all-powerful "manipulate the story" figure, but we do think of ourself as an interdimensional historian!
"Alright, so how about a short little history lesson, hm? Why do people assume I'm Screwball's father? Is it just because we're both silly or is it... Something more?"
...
"Come on, it's too late to not get meta. It doesn't make you any less of a writer to lean on the 4th wall a little."
... Screwball was on-screen in only two episodes. Once in your debut, and once in the alternate timeline where you win. The fans did the rest of the work. At least, that's how it happened in our system's dimension. Don't ask us for advice again.
"Well, good. Raise your hoof if you made enough of that out."
Pinkie was the only one whose hoof was raised.
"In that case..." Discord changed into a labcoat and bottle-lens glasses. "Good news, everyone! The era we're supposed to go to is when I tried to rule Equestria again, and the Box network was renewed our company! Well, ok, not that last part, but we do know when to go now."
Pinkie looked at Twilight. For some reason, Pinkie looked... Angry? "Quick question, Twily."
"Um, yes, Pinkie?"
"Did you know that the human world has nukes?"
Twilight blinked. "No, actually. That's a little worrying, honestly."
"Cool," Pinkie said, "I didn't know Equestria had the stupid things before today, so we're even. Now we need to go to Celestia's castle."
Before anyone else could say another word, Pinkie pulled a switch... And they were off.
Author's Note
~~Still not sure making this chapter so meta was a good decision, but then again, it wasn't really our choice...~~
Doctor Whooves: Exile (Part 3: Fight Songs)
Rarity was doing work, as per usual. Everything in her boutique was nice and ordered, as it should be. Her equipment was laid before her as she analyzed the contents of vials and the results of various tools of measurement. Something handed her a syringe.
"Thank you, Sweetie Belle," she said absent-mindedly. The figure gave a low grunt as Rarity began to put the finishing touches on a dress she was designing, right down to the molecule. Everything had to be perfect
Her current client, an Abzorbalovian from the planet Clom, was strapped to a table and screaming, no doubt impatient due to how long the dress the client had commissioned was taking. "Now, settle down, Darling," Rarity assured her test subject, "I'm just about done." She took the dress she had and gathered it up in a syringe, ready to have the client wear it. "Now hold still, or else the dress won't fit properly and I'll have to start all over. Isn't that right, Sweetie Belle?"
The figure in question gave out a bat-like screech, which Rarity took as approval. The client whimpered as the dress was injected into her bloodstream. Once she was fully dressed, the Abzorbalovian began screaming again as she began to melt into the floor. Rarity had expected this result until she saw, when she suddenly realized what she was even doing. She screamed as her former client's own screams turned to gurgling. She stepped backwards, only to realize she was walking upright rather than all fours, tripping herself in the process.
"SWEETIE BELLE, GO GET TWILIGHT! SOMETHING'S GONE HORRIBLY WRO-" She stopped when she turned to look at "Sweetie Belle," which in actually seemed to be a horrific cross between bat and an ape if it were bitten by a zombie. Rarity screamed again, and suddenly everything was gone. She was back in her own body, still screaming, albeit now without any sound. She suddenly realized where she was again, within the confines of her own mind.
Well, not her own mind...
A door appeared before Rarity. Muffled screams, inequine screeches, gurgling, weapon fire, and much in the way of yelling
And opened the door.
It wasn't long before Applejack, Rainbow and the Rani were face to face with the Cheetah People. The group was made up of several different species, some of which the two non-Time Lords couldn't identify. All, however, had the shared trait of yellow fur with black spots, feline faces, and paws where hooves would be for the species that should have them. The Rani recognized what appeared to be their commander as a minotaur-esque version of an Abzorbalovian, with clawed hands and paws at the end of its legs, as well as a few more feline faces on its large stomach. They gave a horrific roar, signaling the rest of the coalition to charge.
Applejack and Rainbow immediately attempted to go into the fray, only to feel their tails being stopped by magic.
"Hey," shouted Rainbow, "what's the big idea? We're trying to fight back here!"
Rarity practically growled her reply. "Don't fight them, you idiots! You'll become one!"
Applejack grunted. "One what? Yer gonna have ta be more specific, sugarcube."
Rainbow quickly broke free of the Rani's magical grip. "Well, AJ and I aren't cowards, so run all you want!" With that, she entered the fray.
"NO," the Rani yelped, "DON'T RUN EITHER! STAY STILL!"
Applejack quickly broke free as well. "Sorry, Ms. Rani, but ah have ta stick with Da-"
Before she could move, the Rani covered Applejack head to hoof with her magical aura. "STAY STILL! WILL YOU BLOODY STAY STILL? YOU IDIOTS! I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO MOVE!"
As Applejack struggled, both mares were caught in a net by two cheetah/pegasi hybrids, and were quickly lifted into the air and out of the fight.
"GIRLS!" Rainbow tried to fly towards the others, but was stopped by the clawed hand of a Diamond Dog-Cheetah hybrid.
"DASH!" Applejack struggled, but couldn't even break free of the net or the Rani's magical grip.
The Rani gritted her teeth. "Stop struggling for your own safety!"
Applejack huffed. "Ah need to help her! Y'all just wan' 'er to give up?"
"YES! Walking back at an even pace to my TARDIS isn't an option, so just stay still!"
The absorbaloff leader walked towards the captured mares. "Well, well, well, it seems we have a couple pacifists here."
The Rani stared the Cheetah-fied commander up and down. "You look too far along for language even as eloquent as that."
The leader laughed. "Well, then you haven't met Klunjundamandaloff. You'll find I'm far more elocl- Ellocl-" They closed their eyes for a moment before continuing. "More verbose than my kin."
The Rani squinted. "Still somewhat effected, I see."
"Ah'm sorry," Applejack said, "what did y'all say yer name was?"
"I'm Klunjundamandaloff."
"... Y'all got a nickname or somethin'?"
"My people simply call me Klun."
"Klun, got it. No offense Klun, yer a bit freaky lookin'."
"He's an Abzorbalovian from the sister planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius. Outside of the feline features his kind normally looks like that, so be civil"
"Ah'd, uh, hate ta hear what his planet's name is, then, if the sister to it has such a long name."
"Oh, that planet is just named Clom."
"... 'Clom?'"
"Clom."
"Look, whatever it is, it just ain't right ta attack us like that! You tell yer kittens ta stand down or else!"
Klun just laughed. "Oh, you have no idea where you are, do you?" He shouted at the Cheetah-Pegasi. "You two! Take these two to the base and throw them in the dungeon!" The two pegasi roared in response, to which Klun roared in kind.
The Rani scoffed. "Oh, the lack of eloquence you display, Klunjundamandaloff."
Klun growled. "I have plenty of elokl- Elocla- GAH!"
As the Rani chuckled at that, Applejack turn to the battle Rainbow was in. She yelled at Rainbow Dash one last time. "DON'T WORRY, DASH! WE'LL COME AN' HELP YA FASTER THAN Y'ALL CAN SAY 'NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK' FIVE TIMES!"
She received no response, as Rainbow was too busy fending off the cheetah people. However, while her eyes may have just been playing tricks on her... She did think she saw Rainbow with canine teeth.
Applejack turned to the Rani with an angry glare. "Way to go, Ms. Rani, ya got us into a whole heap of trouble. Hope yer proud."
The Rani glared in return. "First of all, my name is the Rani. It's a title, you illiterate oaf. Secondly, I just saved your life, so I believe you should be more grateful than that."
Applejack gritted her teeth. "GRATEFUL? We coulda gotten killed from just standin' around like that!"
"Do you want to be a cat?"
Applejack was taken aback by the question. "Beg pardon?"
The Rani rolled her eyes. "Do. You. Want. To. Be. A. Rassilon-damned. Cat?"
Applejack just stared. "Uh, nope."
"Then be grateful. I could have let you join your little friend in becoming a mindless animal."
Applejack frowned. "Just because we're fightin' back?"
"Precisely, yes. You could have gotten infected."
Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Infected? What in the hay are you talkin' about?"
The Rani sighed. "Do you think that a planet with a variety of different creatures that ALL just so happen to have the same characteristics just happens by accident?"
Applejack thought it for a moment, glancing at the two Cheetah-Pegasi carrying their net. "Now that ya mention it, that mighty strange. So they're sick? Then why not run?"
Rarity sighed. "Excess physical activity is what allows it to take root, particularly primitive actions such as the instinct of 'fight or flight.' Being far away from the infected does little, as this entire planet emits an energy that's responsible for the existence of the condition. Physical symptoms include growing cheetah-like fur patterns and feline characteristics, such as a cat nose and mouth, and it turns one into an omnivore favoring meat if they aren't already a carnivore. Psychological symptoms include increased aggression and exhibit more primitive behavior."
"Primitive?"
"Perhaps it's better if I show you." The Rani turned to their captors. "Quick question for the both of you, what is 2 plus 2?"
Both cheetahs growled in response. "Shut up, not-cat," said one. "Cats have no need for counts."
The Rani turned back to AJ, pointing toward a mark on the side of the one who spoke. "You can see this one had her 'Cutie Mark' converted into black fur, but you can still make out the shape of it. This one used to be an accountant." The spot in question was shaped like an analog calculator. "The other seems to have been a businessmare of some sort." That one's spot was shaped similarly to a briefcase. "To prove my point, it would appear our accountant has forgotten the word for 'math.'"
Applejack's eyes widened. "RAINBOW! She's in a whole heap of trouble now!"
"Indeed," the Rani agreed, "and by the time we see her again she'll be in a much later stage and will have possibly been integrated into their ranks. It will likely take days for that to occur, but who knows when we'll see her again?"
"Can't ya cure her or somethin'?"
"Would you like the bad news or the good news first?"
"... Bad news. Makes the good news that much better."
"Right. The bad news is that there's no known cure-"
"WHAT?"
"As of yet. The good news is that I am well versed all matters of biology, including medicine. I can create a cure. The reason I haven't before we arrived her was simply because I had no reason to. Aside from that, there was not even a suitable subject to use as an avenue towards a cure. I would need someone infected in the final stages, yet still managing to uphold resistance to some of the effects, if not something immune to the effects outright."
"An' let me guess, that's the Absorbawhatchamacallit?"
"Well," said the Rani, grinning, "you're smarter than I first assumed, though granted I assumed very little of you. Yes, Klun would be our being, though it's clear this has had some affect on his psychology still. He seems to think of the Cheetahs as his kind. Considering how nationalistic Abzorbalovians can be, that is quite the achievement. I just need to use my syringe on him for a DNA sample..."
"NOT-CATS CAN SHUT UP NOW," yelled the former accountant. "We here."
The base was nothing much. It was primarily made up of dirt huts, although there was the eye-catching giant hole. There seemed to be multiple holes in the surrounding area with metal bars as some sort of rudimentary prison, with guards in the form of various Cheetah-People pacing in front of them. There weren't any prisoners there yet, but once AJ and the Rani were tossed into one of them, there were at least two. With the gate slamming shut, Applejack looked to the Rani.
"It ain't a good idea tah try and bang on the gate, is it?"
"Not unless you want a taste for fish."
Applejack grumbled. "Dangnabbit..."
Author's Note
Shorter chapter today, sorry about that. We'll try and give you guys something bigger in the next week or two.
Thanks for reading our fic! That's the end of this installment, so we're taking a little break, but stay tuned!
Doctor Whooves: Exile (Part 3: Fight Songs)
Celestia sighed.
Discord was far more powerful than she had anticipated, if him being able to take the elements of harmony was any indication, and she wasn't certain sending her prize students and the rest of the saviors of Equestria after one of, if not the, most powerful creatures in existence was the best idea. They had been gone for hours now...
Perhaps, her advisor whispered, it is time to bring out the Last Resort.
Despite the great help that her advisor had provided in the past, Celestia wanted to hold off on that plan for now, as it it was a last resort. Perhaps tomorrow she would, if the elements weren't returned to their bearers. Well, knowing Discord, perhaps "tomorrow" was the wrong word. Regardless, she had faith in her student as much as Twilight had faith in her. She exhaled, knowing that the next few hours would be... Well, not a nightmare so much as a fever dream.
The door to the throne room swung open, causing Celestia to turn her head. There stood Twilight, wearing a plain robe for whatever reason, along with her friend Pinkie Pie, who notably was frowning with a furrowed brow. Celestia was confused. Weren't they out fighting Discord? Why had they come back?
Tricks by Discord, whispered her advisor, pretending to be your student and one of her friends. You must defeat them.
Celestia shook off the suggestion, as her advisor did have a history of being... More aggressive as a first resort. Instead she opted to play along with the two mares.
"My little ponies," she said in surprise, "I thought you went out to find the Elements!"
"CAN IT, YOU MAD MONARCH," shouted the imposter Pinkie.
"I'm sorry, Princess," the other Twilight said. "We're from the future, and we-"
"YOU HAVE NUKES?!?" "Pinkie" was livid. "ATOMIC WEAPONS?!?"
Celestia composed herself for a moment before sighing. "I suppose if you truly are from the future, you're hear to warn me against using it?"
"AND scold you for even making them!" The supposed future Pinkie marched up to the alicorn twice her size. "What could have POSSIBLY given you the idea to make a NUKE?!?"
The supposed future Twilight teleported in front of Pinkie. "Let me handle this, Pinkie. Please."
Pinkie stared Twilight up and down, before turning away and huffing, laying herself on the castle floor.
Twilight, or whoever she was, turned to the princess. "I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. Pinkie has a... Complex history with this subject."
It is a trick, said the advisor. You must fight them.
Pinkie looked up as if she heard something, before shaking her head and dismissing it. Celestia took notice of that.
"Twilight," Celestia said, "I'm assuming you're an alicorn now."
Twilight sputtered. "I- I- Wh- WH- UM- I-"
Pinkie had turned to look at Celestia with wide eyes. "Wh- What makes you say that?"
Celestia smiled. "I've intended for Twilight to become an alicorn for years now. It would explain the robe she's wearing, and if you're from the future you likely would want to prevent a paradox of some sort, so obscuring knowledge of the future would be in your best interest."
Twilight stood with her mouth agape, making a very long, high-pitched noise that was oddly adorable. Pinkie simply blinked a few times before getting up and asking a question. "Have you time traveled before?"
"No," Celestia replied, "but I do keep up with modern literature."
Pinkie just stared. "Huh."
"Well," Pinkie huffed, "I'm still mad at you for even BUILDING a nuke!"
Celestia sighed again. "Aside from the elements, it's the only way I can think of to stop Discord. It should remove all chaos on the planet, making it to where he can't manifest here."
Pinkie's eye twitched. "ARE YOU LOCO IN THE COCO?!? WHO TOLD YOU THAT???"
It was extremely subtle, but Celestia flinched. She didn't know why she flinched, as very few things even could make her do so, but she did. "Would you happen to know what a 'nuke' actually does?"
Pinkie grimaced. "It means the whole world goes KABLOOEY! Everything will die, and radiation will make it to where nothing can grow again for DECADES at least ! I guess technically that qualifies as 'rEmoViNG cHAoS' if you think life is naturally chaotic or whatever, but it will result in all life on the PLANET going kaput if it's an advanced enough bomb! So many planets have been practically eradicated because the leaders of various countries just couldn't keep their hoof off the big red button! Get rid of that thing ASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"
Celestia's eyes grew wider and wider the further the explanation went on. She had always thought Pinkie knew more than she let on, even if she was always genuine in her emotion, and this Pinkie was telling the truth it only confirmed her suspicions. Those eyes full of joy always appeared filled with age as well...
"I... See," she said. "I'm sorry, my little pony. It was built due to advice I had gained from one of my royal advisors. The Last Resort, as I named it, will be discontinued. I always dreaded the possibility of a world without chaos, and now I see I was right to worry."
Twilight was finally able to compose herself enough for a question. "Who is this advisor?"
"Well, he prefers his privacy. Needless to say I won't be listening to him on this matter."
It is a trick, your highness, the advisor repeated, a dirty chaotic trick!
"Alright," Pinkie said, looking to the ceiling, "who said that? That was a LOT louder than the narrator!"
Celestia sighed once more. "It makes sense that you'd have a mastery over the fourth wall, as I'm not sure how else you would be able to notice them. They mostly only speak in telepathy." She looked to the ceiling. "Guardian, show thyself!"
A flash of white light enveloped the room. There stood a older mare clad in white clothing, with a coat of fur the same color. "Apologies for the lack of introductions," he said with a warm smile. "I simply don't like the attention, you surely understand. I am the Guardian, and I am the embodiment of goodness and order."
Pinkie stepped back, suddenly much more visibly frightened. Twilight, however stared at the entity. "I'm sorry, the embodiment of what?"
The entity smiled. "Goodness and order."
Twilight nodded incredulously. "You wouldn't happen to also go by Ordinance, would you?"
Pinkie shook her head rapidly as the Guardian gave their reply. "How did you know that?"
"Mythological study," Twilight said. Celestia could feel that was a lie. The fact that she could tell confirmed to her that everything else she had said was true, or at least she believed it to be. Twilight continued. "I've never heard you be considered an entity of goodness, only of order." She groaned. "Then again, my sources would be biased."
"Well," the Guardian said, "Discord is the embodiment of chaos and evil, is he not?"
Twilight stared at the entity. "Discord is NOT the embodiment of evil! Is he a massive pain in the plot? Yes! But he's not-" She turned to look at Celestia, apparently having just realized that she had said that right in front of her mentor. If the situation weren't so serious, Celestia would have chuckled. Twilight shook her head before continuing. "But he's just the embodiment of chaos, which isn't the same as evil. On top of that, 'good and evil' are concepts WAY too vague and debatable to have definitive embodiments. Chaos and order are also arguable, but not as much as morality is. There are WAY too many definitions of what qualifies as good and evil for them to have embodiments. Furthermore, if you really were the embodiment of goodness, you wouldn't want to build a weapon that could wipe out all life on the planet!"
Pinkie shuddered. "Um, Twily-"
"So no," Twilight continued, "I don't believe you're the 'embodiment of goodness' if Discord is your definition of evil. Discord is just the world's most powerful prankster set on annoying anypony in his path, but if anything he's amoral. We could argue all day if that's worse than being evil, but at the very least he's able to grow a moral backbone."
Celestia hadn't thought of it like that. Perhaps Discord could have a chance to be redeemed. Maybe if he had a friend, but who?
Pinkie's eyes grew wider. "UM, TWILY-"
Twilight was far too invested in dismantling the Guardian's logic to pay attention to her marefriend... Or the Guardian, for that matter. "You, meanwhile, are so deadset in thinking you're correct that you don't seem willing to acknowledge another perspective! If you're the embodiment of order, it's in the same way that Discord is the embodiment of chaos, in that you don't actually care if anypony dies as long as you get your lampoonishly orderly world out of the deal. On top of THAT, I know for a fact that you're working with Maestro, and they managed to change the future to an apocalyptic WASTELAND with nothing in it, and if you can consider life chaotic with the argument Pinkie made, then the absence of life must be considered orderly, and THAT'S why you want a bomb!"
"TWIIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!"
Twilight turned to look at Pinkie. "Pinkie, I'm in the middle of-" She stopped once she saw how mortified Pinkie appeared to be.
"Twily," Pinkie said with a nervous smile, "remember that story I told you about the Key to Time?"
"Yeah, what abou-" Twilight stopped. She slowly turned to look at the Guardian, whose outfit had changed from white to black...
"Twily, Celly," Pinkie said, "when I say run, run. RUN!"
With that, Pinkie and Twilight ran as the Guardian chased them. Princess Celestia, meanwhile just stood dumbfounded, trying to wrap her head around what just happened. If Twilight was correct- And it was pretty clear already that she was- then the Guardian had led her astray. It was a bit mind-numbing. Without the Guardian, perhaps Equestria wouldn't have had a thousand years of peace. Perhaps Celestia would have interfered when Nightmare Moon returned, stunting her student's growth. Then again, if the Guardian had their way each time, she would have greeted her sister with an army about to pounce, and she would have activated a bomb that was actively detrimental to everything on Gaea, never mind her country and its citizens.
Pinkie had told her to run, yet she stayed put. It was likely that if the Guardian could have killed Celestia they would have done that centuries ago, along with everything else that stood in their way. If Twilight was now an alicorn and Pinkie knew what the Guardian's true nature was, they would likely be fine, or so she hoped. For now, she had to ensure the Last Resort was disposed of, or at least guarded. Twilight had said something about the Guardian having an accomplice...
Twilight and Pinkie ducked behind a corner. They were tired as they had been running for about 5 minutes straight.
"I think we lost them," Twilight said.
"Nope," Pinkie said, "but I don't know why they're chasing us. They have enough power to kill us with a stare. Or, at least, kill me..."
Twilight put a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. "Don't say that, Pinkie. I'm sure we'll be fine."
Pinkie shook her head. "It's kind of hopeless. When the Black Guardian chased after me and the Doctor, we had to use a randomiser so that he couldn't predict where we ended up!"
Twilight stared daggers at Pinkie Pie. "What made you think the embodiment of chaos would be put off track by a randomiser? Wouldn't they have thrived off of chaotic randomness?"
Pinkie opened her mouth as if to speak, but quickly shut it again. She thought about it. "Huh. Well, it worked, he couldn't track us."
Twilight facehoofed. "Pinkie, have you considered that maybe, if the Black Guardian was 'disguised' as the White Guardian, then maybe they're secretly one and the same? Discord says he's the embodiment of chaos already."
"I thought the Black Guardian was just my old universe's version of Discord!"
Twilight thought for a moment. "Fair enough. Still, I think the reason they called themself the Guardian was because there is no 'black and white' guardian. They're one and the same, they're just playing both sides so that order comes out looking better."
"Thank you, purple one," said an old mare who appeared suddenly.
Both Twilight and Pinkie Pie turned to see the Guardian, now dressed in gray.
"Apologies for not cutting to the chase. I needed to be sure the pink one was who I thought she was. It's a pleasure to see you again, Romana."
Pinkie stood there, frozen in fear.
"The Imperatrix of the Nine Gallifreys frozen in terror. A rare sight to behold, and I am very honored to have caused it. And as for you, Twilight Sparkle, I simply cannot let you go telling people about my little secret. I may not be powerful enough to kill you yet, but I can torture you for eons to come."
Twilight gulped.
"And after that," the Guardian continued, "I'll find the Doctor and dispose of him as well. Then, I sha-"
And just like that they vanished, much to the shock of the Time Lord and the alicorn. Suddenly a serving tray appeared out of nowhere, and uncovered to reveal Discord's head.
"Did someone call for a Deus Ex Machina with a side of meta?" Discord chuckled as he transformed into his usual form. "Ordy was justified in being too powerful to stop their monologue, but I'm hurt they forgot I existed for a moment."
Twilight gave out a sigh of relief. "Discord, I never thought I would say this, but I've never been happier to see you."
"Oh, you can always rely on me," replied the Draconequus. "And don't worry about my precious little... I believe they're my sister this millennia? Anyway, I sent them to my brother, Negligence, and there's no way they'll resist the chance to not play a game where they could win the Key to Time. Knowing them, they'll probably want to play boring old chess, which they're horrible at by the way. I get their devotion to the whole 'black and white morality' thing, but at least play a chess variant or Knightmare Chess to spice things up! Sheesh."
Pinkie eyed Discord up and down. "Where are the others?"
"Oh," Discord replied, "I must have lost track of them at one point or another."
"Even Rainbow Dash?"
"As if I could keep track of her."
Twilight and Pinkie looked at one another with realization. "Right," said Twilight, "we'll catch up with you later, Discord." She turned to leave, only to be greeted by a wall made of the concept of trigonometry. "Damnit."
The past version of Discord laughed. "Oh, I don't know how either of you gained back your colors in the far future, but I know I'm going to have fun sending you both to beautiful, cloudy Trottingham where you can't prevent my rise to power or whatever you were sent back in time to stop. I don't know, I wasn't paying that much attention. Of course, the clouds in Trottingham are now made of fried herring, so it smells a lot worse."
Without warning, both Pinkie and Twilight were suddenly on a slingshot.
"Oh! And I'm glad to hear I'm with Romana, AKA Fred! Big fan of the show, try not to genocide as many people next time you're at war, OK?"
Pinkie tried to talk sense into Discord, even though Discord and sense went together about as well as peanut butter and hydrofluoric acid. "DISCORD, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." And away they went, flying into the air.
"Oh," Discord said, "I do hope I get three stars for that one! Those pigs don't destroy their own buildings, you know." He thought for a moment. "Hmm, considering they're from whenever they said they were from, I should check on who else they came with. Probably in the castle, if I had to guess. I do wonder who!"
With that, he vanished in a flash of light.
Piano music begins to play.
"Isn't my uncle something, folks?" The Maestro gave THAT laugh. "Now you might be thinking 'oh no! With Auntie Ordinance gone and that mean ol' tyrant Celestia getting rid of the nuke, now Maestro will never get enough power to grasp the music of the spheres!' But fear not! I'm not actually so cliche as to copy the exact same scheme I did last time with the Beatles! No no no, I was using Auntie as a distraction! What sort of supervillain do you think I am? Then what was my scheme you may ask? Well...
"Do you remember that sweet little heartsong Twilight sang that managed to undo Discord's grayifying of her little friends? What's that? You don't? Good! It means my plan has already works! Without that little song to get the gang back together, Twilight also gets to take a nice little graycation, and Uncle Discord gets to rule the world! And, the longer his reign lasts, the harder and harder it will be to create the harmonies needed for a heartsong! Eventually the only music that will shine through when a decade passes will be Discord's discorded melodies that are, in fact, discorded, and all those heartsongs that go unsung... I'll get so much more powerful..."
"So yes, I hope you enjoy this little fanfic, because by the time it's over..."
YOU WON'T EXIST!
ha hA HA HA HA Ha ha...
Author's Note
Apologies for the VERY late chapter. The alters that originally worked on this fic are focusing on other things, while current political situations have us extremely anxious and worried. We apologize profusely as well for this chapter being so short. We're sure you don't mind, considering how slowly many people on this site can be, but we're going to be apologetic anyways because we want to be more productive overall. Thank you all for understanding.
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