Chapters Prologue: The Seeds of Madness
“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.” ~Khalil Gibran
I violated the trust of those I depended on the most for my sanity. They were the only ones who truly understood me. The only ponies who cared, and they couldn’t foresee my descent into madness. Not even Pinkie, with her ability to sense future events.
They never understood you. You were always the weak one, the pony who, as we seem to remember the blue one putting it, was “scared of her own shadow.” They never wanted you around, always plotting to rid themselves of you. We took you in and showed you your true power. Your ferocity was unstoppable when unleashed; all it needed was guidance and control.
But…what if I never wanted to use it? What if I was happy living the way I did? I had friends, ponies who loved me, and one that I loved back. Why did I let them go? Why did I let her go? None of this should have ever happened!! I never wanted this!
Calm down, dear. We are your family remember? We love you and only want the best life for you. That was always our intention, and we have delivered. We gave you a world without anypony to torture you for being different, for being you. Just think of what life was before we sheltered you: was it not more difficult than now? Were you not fearful of everything and everypony around you?
No…I had the animals. They—
And that rabbit walked all over you. Your precious animals were worse than your so-called friends; they were able to torment you all day and all night. They never respected you, and we showed you that. We showed you the way of those around you, how they used you. You listened to reason, and asserted yourself: now look! You have nothing to fear!!
That’s because there’s nothing left to fear…it’s all gone. Everything I ever thought was beautiful, everypony I ever loved, all gone.
And is this world not better, dear? Do you not feel free of your demons now?
I suppose…it is nice to not have anypony laughing at me for once.
There, there. Everything will be just fine. You simply need to forget the past and look to the future. Look to tomorrow, and see a beautiful world we will help you to create!
Fluttershy looked up and saw a broken world. Ponyville’s main road was coated with blood. The library at the end of the street was burning, as it had for weeks now. She felt a tugging at her stomach; a groaning in her head tried to make her feel four things at once.
She felt sad for bringing this fate to Ponyville; why did so many have to die? She felt angry with herself for allowing this to happen; could this have been prevented? She felt envious of the dead; why had they died while she was forced to live? But above all, she was proud: proud that she had listened to her instincts and let her pent-up rage out at long last. She was proud because she has been assertive and stuck to her path, even when faced with the prospect of ending a life. She felt alive in those times, when she had made the other feel how they had made her feel: terrified.
Fluttershy would never forget those faces. The look of fear in their eyes was exhilarating for her: they had finally felt her pain in the end. They knew her past, and what it had done to her…what they had done to her.
Discord showed Fluttershy a reality she had hidden from for years: her friends thought her helpless, and they routinely exploited that trait. If anything, she was grateful for this revelation. It helped her realize who she really was and learn to control it. She found her inner flame, tending to it for years before finally allowing it to engulf her completely. It happened that this release had coincided with the fifth anniversary of Discord’s defeat at the hooves of the Elements of Harmony.
Pinkie Pie had thrown her an early birthday party at the library…four months before her actual birthday. It had been a fun little get-together, but had ended in tears, with Twilight nearly killing Rainbow Dash. When Applejack had tried to intervene, Twilight shot a beam of magic from her horn, blasting the orange pony into the street and snapping several of her bones in the process. All the while, Fluttershy had cowered in the corner while the voices in her head comforted her, as they always had.
At some point, something in her mind snapped. Why was everypony fighting like this? It was hard to believe how dark the world suddenly became. The only color Fluttershy could clearly see was red. For some reason, she wanted the fighting to stop badly enough to kill…which she did. In one swift motion, she crossed the room. She felt Twilight’s neck crack as her head was suddenly jerked 90° to the left. She saw her hooves retract from Twilight’s body as it slumped to the floor, eyes still open in shock. She saw this look mirrored on every face in the room as the others stood motionless, speechless.
She felt alive for the first time in her life.
Fluttershy opened her eyes once more. She could still hear their screams as they ran away from the library that afternoon. She could feel the chill that ran down her spine as she remembered seeing Twilight’s life-less body on the ground. But above all, she remembered not caring that she had just killed somepony. On the contrary, she had been exhilarated, as if this murder affirmed, to her at least, that she was not helpless as everypony else thought her to be. But the longer she stared at the body, the longer she listened to the cries of terror, the more it sunk in: she had killed Twilight Sparkle.
The one pony the others could always depend on to keep them on task and levelheaded. The one mare they could talk to with any problem without fear of it escaping her lips. Fluttershy had just killed the brightest of them all, the gentlest and most genuine pony she had ever met.
Had it really happened that fast? Was this really how this all started? She wandered the road leading up the charred remains of the library and stepped over what was once the door.
“I-I wish I could…t-take it all back,” Fluttershy said between sobs. “I wish I could h-have all of you with me again…”
She found a sturdy beam and tied to it to the rope she had brought with her. She put the rope around her neck and clamped her wings shut.
She woke up in bed, gasping for air.
Author's Note: Hey, everybody! I know, crazy to try for two fics at the same time, but I got this idea in my head and couldn't resist the urge!! I know this chapter went by real fast and skips over a lot, but I promise that this will be explained in detail. It will also likely be the shortest chapter. Enjoy and as always, leave feedback!!!!
Chapter 1: Some Things Are Too Good
“Study the past if you would define the future.” -Confucius
Fluttershy spent nearly two hours pacing around her house, reeling from the dream. Most of it was gone, but what to say that what she did remember frightened her would be the understatement of a lifetime. There was fire, the Library destroyed, skeletons in the street.
All because of her.
“Oh, what does it mean?” she wondered out loud. “Why did I have that awful dream?”
It’s okay dear. It was only a dream. Who says this has to pass? All you really need to do is look past it.
Fluttershy shrieked; those voices…they sounded so familiar. But from where did she remember them? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t put her hoof on it. Best to just let it go and not worry. She would remember in due time, and figure out how to best deal with it. For now, however, she decided to indulge her curiosity.
‘Who are you?’
We’re your friends, Fluttershy.
‘But why are you here now?’
That’s simple: you are distressed, and we’re here to help you get through it.
‘But that dream I had last night! It was awful! There was fire, and I was standing in something wet…I think it was blood!!’
There, there. Easy, dearie: it’s okay. Like we said, it was only a dream. Just think about things that make you happy.
‘Li-like what?’
How about your animals? We have seen how happy they make you. Think about tending to a sick baby bird, watching it fly back up to its nest. Picture when Angel is sleeping, when he’s most peaceful.
Fluttershy did imagine this. Immediately, she felt better, and her heart slowed down. She found out that talking to these ponies, whatever they were, helped ease a great deal of her anxiety. They helped her through most of her fears, and although she still felt them, they were somewhat suppressed. It felt good to have somepony to talk to.
It was nice to have somepony who cared.
Rainbow Dash woke up late, as usual. The sun shone through her window, blinding her. As she looked around her room, three things stuck out.
On the wall immediately to her left, there was a poster she got at her very first Wonderbolts show. She had hung it there when she first moved into the house, and it reminded her of her dreams…not to mention the ego boost it gave her when she remembered that none of the Wonderbolts could perform a Sonic Rainboom.
To her right, there was a window. It was small, but still gave her a view of the distant city of Cloudsdale. She liked looking there; it comforted her to know that, if she couldn’t live there anymore, she could still see it.
Right next to her, however, was the most important object in the room to her: a picture of the Apple family. She thought of them as extended family, and considering the amount of time she spent on Sweet Apple Acres, she was basically one of their kin. But she was more interested in one pony in the picture: the pony she was in love with.
Rainbow looked at Big Mac’s soft smile, his perfect eyes, and his beautiful red coat. Every time she visited Sweet Apple Acres, she would try to work up the courage to ask him out, but never could. She knew that if she didn’t, it would never happen; Mac was too timid, too much like Fluttershy.
Fluttershy…
Rainbow shook her head. Why did she still feel so guilty about her best friend? That was a long time ago, and they had both moved past it…maybe. Truth be told, neither of them had ever brought it up; Rainbow had moved on, so she just assumed that Flutters had, too.
“Keep your head in the clouds, girl.”
She said this every time she felt her emotions getting the best of her. It always helps for some reason…perhaps just a reminder to be looser.
Rainbow decided to get ready for the weather job that day. It was supposed to rain hard for a few hours, and organizing that many rain clouds took a while. Most likely, the others had already begun organizing the clouds, but as the team manager, she had to be there for at least the parts leading up to the storm itself.
After slowly getting out of bed, she went to open the window. The reward was a blast of cold air that served as a reminder that winter was on its way. So it was going to be one of those days. Pegasi may have been used to colder air, but that didn’t mean they liked it.
This was Rainbow’s way of dealing with that annoyance. Opening the windows on colder days got her used to the chill before actually going out in it. After years of this practice, the weather was always bearable if not enjoyable. Not that any of that mattered. As long as flying was involved, she never found the temperature of any consequence.
When the house cooled down enough to be inequine*, the cyan pegasus decided it was time to eat. There was never much at home, so trips to the town market were common for her. She left, not bothering to lock up; if anypony wanted to get in, all that was needed was to walk through the wa—hey, clouds aren’t perfect, all right?
Rainbow Dash set off for Ponyville. Even though it wasn’t a long flight, there were always to make it fun. Pegasi belonged in the air; for them, flying was easier than breathing. The feeling of wind running through wings was incomparable, and the thought of being grounded for any length of time was enough to make anypony sick.
After about ten minutes of loops and, yes, a Sonic Rainboom just to wake up the town, Rainbow landed in Ponyville’s main street. She walked up to the apple stand, run today by Applejack.
“Well howdy, Rainbow,” called the earth pony. “How’re y’all doin’ today?”
“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Just here for some breakfast before I go over to help out with the weather team.”
“Aw, shoot! That big storm’s today?!”
Rainbow was taken aback by this outburst; she had warned the Apple family about today a week ago. “Um, yeah it’s today. No need to take it out on me.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry ‘bout that, Rainbow. Ah jus’ need to get home early and get some stuff into the barn is all.”
“Yeah, you go do that, I guess. I’m just gonna sleep through the storm myself.”
“An’ I suppose yer tryna ta shock me? Since when is it a surprise that the great Rainbow Dash wants to sleep?”
They shared a laugh at this; it was true that Rainbow would sleep through just about anything.
“Hey, at least I’m getting my job done here,” she retorted. “I don’t see you bucking any apples!”
A smug look crossed Applejack’s face. “Yer lookin’ at the apples ah bucked this morning, sugarcube.”
Applejack shook her head, smiling. Was Rainbow seriously trying this one again? Had she completely forgotten the last time they had gone against each other bucking apples?
“If ya wanna get…um, what’s the word? Humiliated, again, be mah guest! I’ll gladly take you on.”
“Oh, it’s on!”
They performed their traditional routine—spitting on their own hooves then bumping each other’s—to make the challenge official. With that, Rainbow bought three apples and went over to a table to eat them. She was distracted by a sudden flash of yellow off to her right. Was that…no, she was probably still asleep. It was early, after all.
[crunch]
A nervous feeling began to creep up her spine. What was it that had appeared just then?
[Crunch]
The apple felt heavier with every bite. A shadow began creeping up the street.
[Crunch]
What was that noise? Was somepony trying to sneak around? Because they were doing a pretty poor job of it.
[CRUNCH]
Rainbow wheeled around, only to look down and see a small, white rabbit staring up at her, chewing on a carrot.
It figures that I’d be afraid of something so pointless and boring. The tiny thing just continued looking at her, as if it disapproved somehow of her face. Honestly, this was starting to get weird.
“Angel! How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not polite to stare?”
The soft voice came from Fluttershy, and Rainbow immediately realized that she must have been the yellow flash a few minutes before.
She was just chasing, um, Angel. That makes sense, I guess.
As Fluttershy reached the pair and picked up the rabbit, she looked at Rainbow nervously.
“I’m so sorry. He wasn’t bothering you, was he?”
Rainbow hesitated a moment too long. “Uh, no. He…um, she…I mean…”
“He.”
“Yeah! He was just, you know, being obnoxious or something. Either way, it was cool enough. It’s as if he’s, like, smart.”
“Oh yes,” said Fluttershy, nodding approvingly. “He’s very smart. He can even talk…you know, in his own way.”
“Really? That’s awesome! Why didn’t you let him have a chance at being my pet?”
The timid pegasus paused for a minute. “He’s, um, pretty attached to me, actually. Moving away would just traumatize him, and I can’t let that happen. I hope you understand.”
“What? Oh, that’s fine! Well, I need to go. Weather stuff, you know. Nice chatting, Flutters. We should do this again soon.”
The canary pegasus perked up at the last sentence. Was Rainbow Dash really asking her on a date? Or was it just a friendly thing? Either way, I should just go ahead and ask. I may never get another chance like this.
“Oh, yes! Can we have lunch today? I mean, if that’s okay, of course.”
That was weird. She seemed a bit too excited to be in a conversation; normally, the idea of talking to anypony for a length of time just terrified the poor thing.
“Yeah, that sounds cool.”
As Rainbow flew away, Fluttershy could only stare up and say the words she had wanted to just then, but hadn’t been able to.
“I love you, Rainbow.”
Overall, the morning had been uneventful for the canary yellow pegasus until Ponyville. She had decided to follow Rainbow Dash when a streak of light had whisked overhead a few minutes after the animals had been fed. This day would be more exciting, perhaps, than she originally thought.
While lightly trotting along the road toward Ponyville, a small flash of white hopped ahead of the mare. Angel had escaped yet again! Fluttershy tried to not get frustrated with the bunny, but he almost seemed to enjoy causing her distress. There were more than a few migraines that could be traced directly to the little white demon now speeding down the dirt path.
Fluttershy knew trying to catch Angel was a futile effort until they got into town, where she might be able to corner him. Thus, the half-hearted chase began, complete with a Scooby Doo-style montage…that gradually got slower and slower.
“Wait, Angel. Please stop,” she pleaded. “I mean, if that would be okay, that is.”
The rabbit looked back and laughed at how slow his mom was going. Did she really expect to catch him like that? As a matter of fact, no she didn’t, but that wasn’t knowledge Angel had access to at the time. So, in response to Fluttershy’s pleas, he turned around and hopped straight into Ponyville. His caretaker leaped into the air and flew…face first into Ponyville’s welcome sign. The world went dark, and the hopping continued.
She woke up a few minutes later, still dazed from the collision, and saw tiny paw prints in the dirt leading toward Main Street. It took a few minutes for colors to become clear and the haze to be gone from sight. With that, Fluttershy “galloped” into town, taking care not to hit anypony**.
After what seemed like an hour of searching, there he was! He looked content enough chewing on a carrot right behind Rai—Rainbow Dash? What was she doing sitting at a café in Ponyville? She always spent her mornings sleeping!
Eventually, the cyan pegasus caught on and looked back at Angel, who stared her down like a hawk eyeing a meerkat in the Zebrican deserts. Fluttershy had to intervene.
“Angel…”
Author's Note: I'm baaaaaaack!!!!!! I've missed all of you, and I couldn't be happier to be publishing this chapter!!! Trying to find the time to write sure makes you miss it! I know there may be some humor in this chapter--might be some in the future too--but I'm not tagging this for 'Comedy.' Trust me, you'll see why. The asterisks throughout the chapter are explained below, and please note that I really had to hold in the sarcasm for this chapter. Thanks as always for reading and feel free to PM me with any suggestions!!!!
Asterisks:* Inequine: My version of "inhumane" **I like to think of Fluttershy's gallop as what the others would consider a brisk trot.
Chapter 2: When All is Laid Bare
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” -Pablo Neruda
The sun shone bright over Equestria, nearing the horizon yet again. As the day drew to a close, two pegasi in particular found themselves on a cloud overlooking Ponyville, trapped in a loving embrace.
As Fluttershy nuzzled Rainbow Dash softly, she could not help but think how they had gotten here. It had seemed such a simple thing to admit her feelings, but after that first kiss, time flew by.
The two had been together for coming on eight months now, and could not be more in love. When one wasn’t sleeping at the other’s home overnight, they counted the agonizing minutes—nay, seconds—until they saw each other again.
Of course, Pinkie Pie had thrown a party when the two had announced their relationship. Pinkie will be Pinkie, after all. The only pony who seemed remotely uncomfortable with the budding love was Applejack; it was no secret that she had a crush on Fluttershy. Fortunately for the new couple, she admitted that a silly infatuation was not a reason to interfere, so the orange pony stepped aside.
Everything seemed so perfect for the two. They were in love, everypony around them accepted it, and they spent as many days—and nights—as possible together. So why did Rainbow Dash look so sad this evening?
It is funny how love works. One moment nothing can go wrong, and the next thing you know, tomorrow suddenly arrives. Fluttershy realized this at that moment. She had been so enamored by her marefriend’s eyes that she completely forgot why they were on this cloud in the first place.
The funeral…her brother. How could I forget?
The cyan pegasus next to her was broken, a shell of her usually outgoing self. The light in her eyes had all but disappeared, and even her mane had lost some of its color. Rainbow Dash had been unable to tear herself away from her brother’s house for over a week following the funeral: the memories had been too much for her to handle. After much pleading from Fluttershy, she came out and fell into the canary pony’s hoofs on the brink of an emotional meltdown.
Yet here they were, only two months afterward, and already they were lying on a cloud not far from where Lightning had lived. As they lay there, watching the sunset, they found the time to look into each other’s eyes. Fluttershy saw an expanse of magenta so beautiful she never wanted to look away.
In those eyes, there was love, and also pain. It was like watching a war wage inside the cyan mare’s mind. The silence between them was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. The strange thing was that neither of them wanted it to end.
Rainbow Dash never wanted to forget what had brought them together. That day, when Fluttershy had kissed her out of the blue, remained one of the most perfect she could remember. She had been waiting fro that kiss to come for years, not knowing whether her dear friend was even a lesbimare or not. That hope kept her going until that day, and it made her never want to stop staring into those eyes.
As they leaned in to embrace, Fluttershy looked up and saw nothing beside her. She panicked, looking around frantically for her marefriend.
“R-Rainbow Dash? Where are you?!”
We’re over here, darling.
“RAINBOW!!!!!!”
Fluttershy ripped her eyes open, gasping for breath. The sun was still down, and she could hear crickets chirping not far away. Sitting up in bed, there was a strange feeling, as if the bed was too full. Reaching back for a pillow, the reason became obvious.
'My wings…they’re flared.'
The thought alone was enough to make the canary pegasus turn about 20% redder. She knew nopony could see it, but just the knowledge that the dream had been—
“So it really was just a dream…we never were…”
And who says that is how it has to be forever?
“Ahh!”
Calm down, dear. We are simply here to comfort you. You had another bad dream, and we helped make it better.
“But it wasn’t bad. It was beautiful. I finally had her, and you took her away! Why did you do that to me?”
It is unhealthy to dwell on a mare you can never have. Think about it. She clearly doesn’t love you, so why love her back?
“Because—” Fluttershy stopped to think for a moment. “S-She might love me. I don’t know for sure.”
Well we do, sweetie. The rainbow one could never love you. We see the way she looks at you, even when you do not…or choose not to. There is no love in that gaze, only cold friendship. She sees you simply as a companion, a fellow pegasus. There is no reason for her to view you as anything more than a friend.
These words hurt Fluttershy more than she thought they would. These voices had been so nice before, and to hear them now didn’t seem real. Maybe it was still a dream? Yes—that had to be it! It was all still a dream.
“I’m still asleep! I-I must be! You’re not re-real…you’re not real.” She whispered those words. There were some things nopony can bear to realize, and this was slowly dawning on the pegasus.
She had finally placed the voices...where they were from. But—it couldn’t be real. Could it?
Why do you do this to yourself, sweetie? We thought we raised a better daughter.
The color drained from Fluttershy’s face as they said these words. Why were they here? She had run away years ago and left that life behind her. Hearing their voices now, after all this time…it was too much for her to take.
“Wh-Why is this happening to me?” the canary pegasus asked, her voice breaking. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Who said we were doing anything, darling? We have only offered you advice, and you followed it. Besides, this is your mind. Are you sure we are the ones you should be asking these questions?
Looking in the mirror, Fluttershy realized that what they were saying was true; this was her mind. They were there, just imaginary; she was providing the dialogue. Was it possible that she was just trying to blame them for what her life had turned out to be?
Sure, she loved the animals and her friends…some more than others. The weekly spa dates with Rarity were delightful, and any time Rainbow Dash had a new stunt or needed help, the canary pegasus was more than willing. But…there was always a sort of emptiness in her heart. Fluttershy desperately wanted to be able to assert herself more, but what if it turned out like the Iron Will incident? Could the others bear living through another episode like that?
The reflection in the mirror was not of the filly who had grown up in Cloudsdale; rather, it was the one who emerged from that hospital. A changed mare, shy and uncomfortable around everypony else, a soft-spoken, weak flyer…that was who she saw in the pane of glass in front of her.
Fluttershy had always blamed her parents—especially her pig of a father—for that sudden personality shift…but that side had never personified itself like this. She had never let that anger get the best of her; it had always scared the poor mare to think that she felt that way about somepony.
We understand: you have every right to hate us. But think for a minute. Tell us, have you ever made a concerted effort to change yourself without it exploding spectacularly? Have you ever tried letting go of that rage constructively?
That was an idea. “I-I guess not. It just never occurred to me.”
Well, maybe that’s the solution. If you release that pent up fury slowly, maybe some of the old you will resurface. We would love to see some confidence.
“Oh, have I not been confident enough? I’m sorry.”
Honey, why do you apologize for everything? It’s not your fault; it’s just who you are. We can help you realize who you used to be…if you want the help.
If there was any color in Fluttershy’s face before these words were spoken, it quickly disappeared. The thought of them telling her anything more was unbearable.
“Please…just go away. I-I don’t want you around, if that’s okay.”
We will not go away simply because you wish us to! We are a part of you, Flutters, and that will ne—
“NO!!! DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!”
That name…that wretched name. The word her father would utter when he—[whimper]. The canary pegasus could not even bear to think of what had happened all those years ago. She had always blamed them for how she had turned out, and now the reasoning behind that had become clear for the first time since meeting Rainbow Dash.
So now you want to stand up for yourself? Where was this Fluttershy when that dragon was in Equestria? Where was she when Gilda terrorized you for walking? How about—
“Stop! T-That dragon was a bully and I told him so. And Gilda was just—just a mean griffon.”
But did you stand up to her? No, you let “Auntie Pinkie Pie” take care of you.
Fluttershy was starting to really dislike these ponies…even more. They had no right to say mean things about her friends!
“Enough,” she said, raising her voice slightly. “I want to go back to sleep now, please. If you’d at least let me do that, I might feel better in the morning.” The lack of a response from them told the pegasus that she could go back to sleep, at least for a little while. Laying down on the pillow, the world went dark to the gentle pony…
…And then the sun rose.
Resigning to the fact that the day had, in fact, come, Fluttershy got out of bed and brushed her mane. In the mirror, she saw a pony plagued by conflict, but there was something else there. There was purpose, a soft confidence that—albeit tacit—had always been inside her. She didn’t realize it then, but the talk with herself earlier had awakened a personality that had lied dormant for years.
Sighing, the mare looked away from the mirror and focused on what she needed to get done for the day. Obviously, feeding and caring for the animals came first. After that, she needed to go to Ponyville and help Twilight; the unicorn had learned a new spell that allowed pegasi to grow temporary horns, and promptly asked her shy friend to be a test subject for the magic.
Going downstairs, she found her sole source of real joy: caring for her animal friends. Of course, Angel Bunny was stubborn as always. After he kicked his food dish into a wall (for the 23rd time this month), Fluttershy found herself chuckling at a strange comment from the voices in her head.
What a wonderful bunny. He’s so violent!
After Angel was fed, she tended to some of the animals that were sick or injured; luckily, there never seemed to be any. However, today there was a mouse in really bad shape. He was so sick he could barely move, and the coughing was clearly agonizing to endure. The mare looked at him with tears in her eyes; she always hated seeing a critter in this much pain. The realization that the poor thing might need to be put down had already occurred to her, and it seemed like the more equine solution with each passing day.
So why couldn’t she bring herself to take the life of a sick mouse? Obviously, killing something so helpless was awful…and he had family: little mice of his own and a—what do mice call wives?—yeah, that. It just seemed so wrong to do, something somepony so kind and gentle should never even consider doing. And yet, it always seemed nicer than making the poor thing suffer so much.
Fluttershy went over to the mouse’s family and explained to them that he wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital. It was a familiar talk; they had seen it happen before, and they understood. Still, it was hard for her , knowing that she would be the reason he wouldn’t return. The pegasus slowly walked away, tears in her eyes and emptiness in her heart.
Looking down on the sickly mouse, she couldn’t decide how to handle it…how to put him down. The sight of blood was nauseating, so puncture wounds were not an option. Maybe if his neck were broken? Yes, that seemed reasonable. It would cause him no pain at all.
After settling on this, Fluttershy picked up the mouse and explained to him what was about to happen. His look of resignation hinted with relief told her that it was okay. She put her right hoof on his head and closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Whiskers.” His neck cracked as it was jerked to the side quickly…but the squealing was so lo—
SQUEALING!?!?!?
Opening her teal eyes, the mare saw that, instead of severing his spinal cord, she had just broken several vertebrae and left everything else intact by mistake*. Mr. Whiskers would die, but it would be slow and painful beyond belief. He was squealing uncontrollably, and all she could do was watch.
It took almost 20 minutes for the poor thing to die, but it felt even longer for the pegasus above him, almost like a century or longer. As she laid the dead mouse on the floor of her home, she bent over him and cried even harder.
“I-I’m so so-sorry.”
She stood up and picked up the animal, taking him out into the yard to be buried. Afterwards, she decided to lock up and go into Ponyville.
After all, it would be rude to let her feelings get in the way of the promise she had made to Twilight.
“Hi Flutter—oh Celestia! Why do you look so sad?”
Fluttershy looked up, sniffling, to see Twilight Sparkle’s concerned face. “It-It’s nothing, really. I just had to tell some mice that their friend was going to d-die.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, Fluttershy! Well, come on in. We can have some tea before trying out that spell.”
“Oh no, Twilight. I could never ask you to do that for me. I’m just being silly.”
“Nonsense! You need cheering up, and I want to help you in any way I can.”
“Oh well, if you insist…I would love some tea.”
“Good. Spike! Get some tea going, would you?” The purple dragon could be seen rushing over to the fireplace and setting a kettle over it. “Now, come inside. We can have tea and chat for a while.”
“Al-Alright.”
They ended up drinking the tea in silence, the only noise being the clink of teacups. After they finished, Twilight broke the long, awkward lapse in conversation.
“So,” she said, chuckling nervously. “Why don’t we get started?”
“O-Okay. What exactly are we doing again?”
“Well, I found a fascinating spell that gives non-unicorns temporary horns. It works a lot like that wing spell I used on Rarity, but not exactly the same. You see, there’s a counterspell right below it in the book I was reading. The horn will last for three days, same as those wings, but I can also take it away whenever I want or need to. So I’ll be giving you a horn and then taking it away right after that. It’s really quite simple.”
Despite being a tad confused by the speech her friend had just given, Fluttershy nodded that she understood. This wasn’t a total lie, as the mare had learned that the real secret to understanding Twilight Sparkle was to simply listen to the last sentence she said. This was usually the point she was trying to make the whole time, and worked about nine times out of ten.
Twilight’s horn glowed a brilliant shade of purple to match her coat, and a few seconds later, Fluttershy’s head felt a little heavier. She looked in the full-length mirror to her right and leapt in the air. There, on her head, was a horn that matched her coat perfectly. In a way, she seemed to glow, almost brilliantly. Still, it felt unnatural to the pegasus. A moment later, the horn was gone, and the feeling left with it.
“There. I think that’ll do it!” Twilight said. “Thanks again for stopping by, Fluttershy. I had a hard time trying to get Rainbow Dash to stop laughing when I asked her to do this for me.”
So Rainbow turned this down? Fluttershy hadn’t known that.
“Um, you’re welcome, Twilight. It was no trouble, really. Well, I don’t want to be a burden, so I’ll just go if that’s alright.”
“Wait! You and Rainbow Dash had lunch yesterday, right? How did it go?”
“Oh, um, it was…nice, but nothing special really.” Of course, she was lying. The food was great and they had a great time. Staring into those magenta eyes was something the canary pegasus could do all day. “We just talked a bit. You know, caught up. We haven’t seen each other often enough.”
“Well, that’s always nice. Have a good day!”
“Bye, Twilight.”
Fluttershy walked out of the library and into the sun, basking in the sudden warmth. Was it really that cold in the unicorn’s home? Trotting softly down the main street in town, she noticed a streak of rainbow above her.
What could Rainbow Dash want in Ponyville? She didn’t have any work today; that much had come up at lunch. The shy mare decided to follow her friend for a while in hopes of at least trying to set up another time to eat together.
She finally caught up with Rainbow at a small café next to Sugarcube Corner. Walking up to the mare nervously, Fluttershy tried to find her voice. With a soft sigh, she turned around and started to walk away.
“Hey, Fluttershy,” called a voice. The mare turned and saw Rainbow Dash smiling at her. “I didn’t know you were here. Come on over and have a seat!”
The canary pegasus sheepishly went to the table her friend was at. Sitting down, she looked up through her mane and saw those perfect eyes staring at her own.
“So, Flutters—oops! Sorry about that—anyway, what brings you to town?”
Oh! Um, I was helping Twilight with a spell.”
“Oh right. That stupid horn thing, right?” Fluttershy nodded. “So how did that go? More than that, how much egghead rubbed off on you?”
“Oh, she’s not all that bad, you know. She just likes reading.”
“Egghead,” the cyan pegasus whispered. “Still, I guess it’s cool that one of us was willing to help her out. She does enough helping me look awesome, one of us has to return the favors.”
“Yes, I agree.”
“So enough of that. What do you want?”
“Oh, no, no, no! I could never ask you to buy me lunch. I’m not even that hungry, really.”
“Nonsense! I paid yesterday, and I’m doing the same today.”
“Well, alright. If you’re sure.”
The rest of lunch passed smoothly. Both ponies got daisy and daffodil sandwiches with hay fries. For the most part, they talked about the weather; the previous day had been spent on Fluttershy’s life and today, it was Rainbow’s turn to talk. They continued talking when they left the restaurant, and found themselves in a meadow outside Ponyville.
They sat on a hill beneath an old oak tree, watching the sunset in silence. Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow Dash, marveling at her beauty. It was now or never, and the shy mare knew that. She leaned into her best friend’s hoof, which wrapped around her shoulders. This was a perfect opportunity, one that she might never get again.
Reaching over with a hoof, Fluttershy turned Rainbow’s head in her direction. Before the cyan pegasus could react, she felt her friend’s lips press against her own in a passionate kiss.
The kiss seemed to go on forever, ending only when Fluttershy pulled back for air. She saw the stunned expression on Rainbow Dash’s face and thought of apologizing.
‘No. I’m not going to apologize for this.’
Just as the polychromatic pegasus began to say something, a voice boomed out.
“Rainbow?!?!” They both turned to see Big Mac, a shocked look on his normally docile face. “What’re you doin’? Are you a-a—”
“NO!!” Rainbow screamed, the color drained from her. “It’s not what it looks like!”
“Forget about it! We’re done!!” Big Mac turned around and galloped away.
“Wait! Mac, come back! Please!! Ugh, FLUTTERSHY, WHAT THE BUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!”
As Rainbow Dash flew after the red stallion, Fluttershy stared in stunned silence. Long after the two had gone, she managed to choke out one question before succumbing to tears.
“Was it so wrong of me to love you?”
Author's Note: I finally got around to finishing this chapter about five minutes ago. The ending was very hard for me to write, if only because I'm a huge fan of FlutterDash. Have fun reading, and as always, FEEDBACK!!!! Also, props to anypony who can spot the shameless Doctor Who reference.
Hello, everypony! Greetings to the 16 of you that have favorited the story (as of the beginning of this chapter), and to those discovering ‘Madness’ for the first time! First off, I want to thank all of you for the continued support, from what will likely be renamed the prologue right up through the most recent chapter. Now, please understand that I’m a huge FlutterDash fan, and just a Rainbow Dash fan in general, so this will likely be extremely hard for me to write. I always welcome input and suggestions for improvement. I’m a college freshman, not an author!!!! Please do me a favor and give the thing a thumbs-up if you can! 16 favorited, so I’m hoping you guys liked it ☺ Ah, I just like messing with ya! I’m sort of using this thing to ramp up my courage for a project I need to do for a class (it involves a possible song in the near future!).
Sorry for the impromptu author’s note, and please, as always, enjoy this installment!!!!
Chapter 3: Reflect and Heal
“One thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside.” –John Lennon
Is there no point to life without her? Ever since that day, the world seems…darker. It’s as if all the light had left my eyes. I can’t take it, so why do I continue to fight? Dare I still hope for even a second that she does love me, after what she said? Perhaps there’s something to this whole love thing. Something that makes a pony hope for the best even and especially when only the worst is possible. Listen to me, getting all philosophical. I don’t even know what the buck I’m talking about!
Should I just run away and hide? It seems like the best alternative to facing her again. I effectively ruined something beautiful without knowing it. I deserve anything, everything. Maybe I can convince Princess Celestia to encase me in stone. Or banish me to the moon. Maybe that would be good for me.
Why do I always ruin everything? Why can’t I just be normal? I want to be, I try so desperately to be perfect, but I always fail. My life is just one rotten disaster after another, I guess.
Don’t worry…about a thing Ca-cause every little th-thing Is go—gonna b-be alri-hi-hight…
Nopony had seen her for almost two weeks. Even the animals had gone back to the forest to fend for themselves. The only thing that saw her was the little white rabbit, who had stopped pestering her after a few days and now simply offered his mom comfort. It was the most pain she had ever been in, and it never ended…not even when she fell asleep.
The dream was always the same: just those few minutes of bliss over and over in her mind. It was a perfect contrast to her waking thoughts, a beautiful lie. The kiss, that perfect kiss, was dominant. For a brief moment, it had felt as if nothing could go wrong in the world. But that was the dreams, and dreams don’t last forever.
When she awoke, there was nothing but the pain of the last words the love of her life had spoken to her. There was only the hatred directed at her, and the agony of the days since. It was as if the world had fallen through a hole and she was stuck at the top, nothing beneath her or above her. The emptiness was unbearable.
And through it all, the sad figure on the hill had hope. She hoped for lost love to return to her, among other things. The loss of her friends was crippling, yes, but there was the possibility that they would come back someday. And as long as that sliver of optimism remained, she would fight on.
She just didn’t know how much longer she could fight.
Two weeks.
Had it really been that long since anypony had seen her?
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Fluttershy had vanished after that day…after that kiss. Sure, it was unexpected and Big Mac had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but it was still…happy? Was that the right word for those few seconds?
For a few minutes, the cyan pegasus had no idea what to make of her best friend’s sudden outburst of emotion. She had no idea Fluttershy felt that way about her, and didn’t think it was possible for the mare to express herself so aggressively. After smoothing things over with Mac, she sat down and thought about their past and if there was anything that could mend the situation and what was undoubtedly a broken heart.
After several hours of thinking non-stop, Rainbow Dash decided it was best to just go to sleep and take out the next day to work out how best to talk to Fluttershy. She fell into bed and cried herself to sleep for the first time in years.
Not far away, a canary pegasus was doing the same, and trying to forget everything that had led up to that day.
10 years ago
“But mom, I don’t wanna go! It’s lame!!”
“Rainbow Dash, this will be a good experience for you. Flight Camp might straighten you out and teach you something valuable. At least give it a chance.”
The young filly looked up at her mother with large, resentful eyes. “But it’s two whole weeks away from dad! How can know he’ll—”
“No, don’t say that,” her mother suddenly screamed. “He will make it, and you’ll see him when you get home. I promise you that.”
Rainbow sighed in defeat; this was just one of about a dozen arguments she had had with her mom since being told about this camp two weeks ago. Looking around at the other foals with whom she would be locked up for the next two weeks, one filly in particular caught her eye.
Standing across the cloudyard from everypony else and completely alone, there was a slight canary filly with a light pink mane. She had a terrified look on her face, as if there was a ghost standing next to her. The pegasus’ turquoise eyes darted back and forth as if trying to decide if anypony looked innocent enough to approach. The fear in everything the filly did was obvious, and it was a feeling with which few present could sympathize.
Rainbow Dash, fortunately, was one of those ponies.
“Hey, mom?” Her mother turned her head with tired eyes. “Can I go over and introduce myself to that filly over there?”
Looking in the direction the cyan troublemaker had pointed a hoof, the mare saw the same scared look and petrified stance. Immediately, she felt sorry for the poor thing.
“Of course, Dashie. I’ll sign you in alone.”
After cringing at that awful nickname, Rainbow Dash thanked her mother and bolted over to the filly across the yard, scaring the small thing half to death.
“Hi! I’m Rainbow Dash! What’s your name?”
“Um…um, I’m Flussershuff.”
The cyan pegasus cocked her head to the side in confusion. What had the strange pony just said? She asked this question, and the reply was clear enough to be heard.
“I’m—I’m Fluttershy.”
“Oh. That’s a pretty cool name. You wanna be my friend?”
The funny filly hid behind her mane, whimpering. After about 30 seconds, she softly nodded her head. Her new friend was overjoyed.
“Awesome! Now I’ll have somepony to survive this camp with. Hey, you wanna come meet my mom? Or go meet yours?”
“NO!” screamed Fluttershy, making Rainbow Dash jump a bit. “I-I mean, my mom already left, but I’d love to meet yours, if that’s alright, that is.”
“Sure, no problem! Come on.”
The two ponies galloped back to the deep blue mare…well, her daughter galloped and the filly’s new friend trotted shyly. When the latter finally made it back, the cyan pegasus prodded her mother sharply, screaming, “MOM,” over and over until said parent turned.
“WHAT?”
“Hi,” said Rainbow Dash while giggling. “This is my new friend, Fluttershy. Fluttershy, this is my mom.”
“Oh, hi—Fluttershy, right?—I’m Cloud Stream, Rainbow Dash’s mother. How are you?”
“Um…I-I’m fine, thank you.”
Cloud couldn’t help but feel sorry for the filly in front of her. She seemed genuinely terrified of meeting other ponies. Why was she so timid?
“So, dear…where is your mother.”
“Eep. Um, I’m sorry. She al-already left.”
Somehow—and she couldn’t quite place how—Cloud knew there was more to that answer than Fluttershy was saying, but she decided not to press the matter. The poor dear looked on the verge of tears already, and any more pressure might push her over the edge. Just as the blue mare was about to change the subject, a voice interrupted her.
“Ms. Stream, the paperwork is done. If you want, you can go now.”
Cloud Stream turned to face the young stallion who had said this. He was slight, with a maroon coat and gold mane. A compass decorated his flank, and there was an excited pair of alarmingly large grey eyes looking at her expectantly.
“Why, thank you…um, sorry. I’m terrible with names.”
“That’s quite alright. It’s Storm Shield, by the way.”
“Okay, thank you. I think I will leave.” She turned to her daughter. “Are you sure you’ll be fine for two weeks, Dashie?”
Rainbow Dash perked up, for once ignoring the nickname. “Sure will, mom! Just go back and be with dad.”
“I will,” said Cloud vacantly. Her husband, Thunder Dash, had been fighting cancer for over a year, and it was looking like he might lose the battle pretty soon. It was the main reason she had objected to his insistence that Rainbow Dash be sent to Flight Camp; the family needed to be together right now. But he persisted, saying it would be best for their daughter to find friends rather than worry nonstop about him. Eventually, Cloud gave in, signing Rainbow up for the camp.
“Mom?” Cloud was jolted out of her stupor by the sound of her daughter’s slightly hoarse voice. “You okay?”
“Um, yes dear. Just a bit distracted, I guess.” She felt a small snout nuzzling her foreleg. Sure enough, the cyan filly was there, trying to comfort her frazzled mother. The mare leaned down, hugging the little pony and fighting back soft tears. “Thank you, Dashie, for everything these past few months. Before you know it, we’ll be a real family again.”
Rainbow looked up. “Really?”
“I promise, dear.”
Suddenly, the pair—Fluttershy had shrunk back a few minutes ere this exchange to give them their space—heard the Cloudsdale bell tower chiming. Looking up, it could be seen in the distance, announcing the time as 3:00.
“Oh, dear,” Cloud exclaimed. “I’m late! Uh, Flutterguy? NO! FlutterSHY!!! Hello, goodbye! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!!!!”
Staring after her mother, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but chuckle. That mare could get so weird sometimes; that outburst wasn’t exactly new, and was still just as amusing to see all these years after it had first happened.
She turned to face Fluttershy. “Hey, come on. We need to get settled into our rooms, right?”
The yellow filly’s face went red. “Oh, I guess…if that’s alright with you.”
“Of course,” scoffed the daredevil. “I did suggest it.”
“Oh, yes, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
Walking to the dorm area might have been more pleasant if not for two things: Fluttershy’s terrified looks in every direction and the fact that neither of them knew where their new home was. Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe: less than two minutes alone, and she was already lost! The two exchanged awkward looks before deciding to approach one of the older campers and ask. They found one that looked about two or three years older than them and walked up to her.
“Hey!” The yellow filly jumped and turned, looking down. A little cyan pony stood in front of her, a menacing look in those…well, adorable magenta eyes.
“Yes,” she said slowly.” “Can I help you?”
“Yeah. We can’t find where we stay here. So, could you help us out?” It hurt Rainbow’s pride to ask, sure, but she already knew enough about Fluttershy to realize that the filly would never ask on her own. Come to think of it, the canary pegasus was nowhere to be seen.
“Oh, sure, I can help you,” said the older camper, bringing Rainbow’s attention back up front. “Just follow me, okay?”
“Sure.”
“And you might want to grab your friend back there behind the pillar.”
Huh? Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw a pink tail sticking out from behind a column about ten yards back. Groaning, she went back and pulled a shivering Fluttershy into the open.
There was some conversation that went back and forth between the more vocal fillies of the group on their way to the dorm. They talked about where they were from, discovering that they only lived about a mile from each other in Cloudsdale. Parents were a big topic, as were siblings. Even though Rainbow Dash had none, it seemed that her newest friend had several, including a fraternal twin brother who, although he had a different color coat and mane, had basically the same personality as her. This new pony spoke especially fondly of two of her brothers, though neither name was remembered for very long. It seemed too soon when the trio reached what was to be this strange and kind pony’s room.
“Well, this is my place. You girls should find your rooms up one floor and down the hall. That’s where all the first-timers stay.”
“Alright,” said Rainbow Dash. “Thanks for your help!”
“No problem. Oh, and by the way, I never caught your name.”
“Oh, I’m Rainbow Dash, and this is Fluttershy.”
“Fluttershy, huh? Nice name.”
“Yeah, it is. What’s yours?”
A weird look crossed the filly’s orange eyes. Was it fear? Or maybe anger? Or was it just indifference?
She snapped back into focus after a few seconds. “Oh, I’m sorry! Zoned out for a bit. Uh, my name, right? I’m Spitfire. See you tomorrow!”
As Spitfire closed the door to her room, the other two ponies turned around. For the first time in about 20 minutes, Fluttershy spoke.
“I think she was really nice.”
“Uh, yeah. She was, wasn’t she?” Rainbow couldn’t help but think of the kind filly who had helped them. Her eyes were amazing to look at; it was as if they pulled the cyan pegasus in, making her want to stare into them forever. What was this feeling?
As it turned out, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were in the same room, and settled in pretty quickly. They hadn’t brought much from home, but there was enough for some stories. Posters of the Wonderbolts plastered the blue filly’s wall, and there were a few pictures from the canary one’s home. Mostly it was just her parents and herself in the front yard of their house, but there was one of the filly alone in the air, only weeks after she had learned how to fly.
The pictures presented a side of the shy pony that Rainbow never thought could exist: this filly seemed happy, outgoing, and radiant: nothing like the timid mess occupying the bed in that room. The glow of those turquoise eyes was almost unnaturally—well, natural for her. Not that it made the cyan youth concerned for her; it was probably just the new environment that was making her so nervous around everypony. There had to be a reason that excitement wasn’t apparent.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, had almost no family pictures; they were all at the hospital with her father to help him feel more at home. Therefore, the only two pictures she was able to bring were very recent. The dominant one—at least emotionally—was of father and daughter in the room in which he had been these past three months. The other was of her best friend from school—Cloud Kicker—at lunch the last day of classes. The lavender filly, unfortunately, was unable to come to the camp, leaving Rainbow thinking she would be alone here…that is, until she met Fluttershy.
They said little over the course of the evening, and turned in early so they would be ready for the first day of camp. As she lay in the dark, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help thinking about Fluttershy. Her soft mane and loving gaze gave the cyan pegasus a funny feeling, as if there were butterflies in her stomach. It was weird, because she had asked her mom about that feeling. In response, the mare had said it was called love, and that fillies felt it when they met a colt they liked a lot.
So why did she feel that way about another filly? This question bothered her as she fell asleep. Little did she know* that, just 30 feet away, a canary pony was going through the exact same thing.
Celestia, why do you have to raise the sun so early in the summer?!
That was the first thought that crossed Rainbow Dash’s mind as she awoke on the first day of Flight Camp. If she were at home, rolling over and going back to sleep would be the most likely response to the sun. But this was something she had to do, so the filly groggily pulled herself out of bed. There was a brush on the bed stand; apparently, mommy dearest had seen fit to pack it just before they left home. Never one to brush her mane, the blue pony left it there for aesthetic reasons only.
As she walked into the common area of the shared room, her eyes fell on Fluttershy.
“Ugh, you’re already awake?”
“Oh, yes! I love watching the sunrise. It’s so beautiful, don’t you think? Oh, no! I didn’t wake you up, did I? I’m so sorry.”
“Huh? No, you didn’t wake me up; the sun did. Don’t apologize for anything.” If she’s gonna be like that all camp, I can’t be held accountable for my actions. Rainbow immediately shoved that thought out of her mind.
They walked down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Each got an omelet and orange juice…probably because it was the only thing offered there (though, in fairness, there was apple juice). After sitting down, the blue filly looked around, seeing most of the campers for the first time.
There weren’t as many as she thought: only 70 or 80 other ponies. Of course, this was a first-come first-serve camp, and space was limited, so it made sense in hindsight. Still, it seemed that there would be more on a campus this large.
As the two ponies ate, a voice called out from behind them, making Fluttershy leap into the air, letting out a small “eep.”
“Hey! You got any room for me to sit?”
Rainbow Dash turned around to see a griffon standing there, her yellow eyes giving them a dangerous look.
“Uh, sure,” replied the cyan filly. “Take the seat next to me.”
“Cool.” The griffon sat down forcibly. “I’m Gilda.”
“I’m Rainbow Dash…and this is Fluttershy.” The canary pile of emotions feebly shook a hoof in greeting. “So, are you, like, the only griffon here?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty lame. This whole thing was my dad’s idea. He said I’d be better off trying to make some pony friends. Said it would bridge the gap between our blah, blah, blah.”
Rainbow laughed a bit at the last part. Gilda’s obvious disinterest in being at the camp mirrored her own feelings about it from the previous day. If the newcomer was open to it, the two might make good friends during these two weeks.
“Yeah, I pretty much felt the same way when I got here. I don’t know, it seems pretty interesting. I’m a great flyer and all—the best in my neighborhood—but I guess they can always try to teach us something.”
“Yeah, try . Griffons are faster than ponies; I’m gonna leave you in the dust.”
The cyan filly perked up. She loved a challenge. “Is that what I think it is?”
“You bet,” replied Gilda, a smirk growing on her face.
The two spent the rest of the day talking, except when they were being yelled at for talking while being instructed. Yet, for all that talking, neither of them learned all that much about one another. Mostly, they just compared the lame factor of everything about life and made fun of the camp cheer. Overall, they became friends over the course of an hour and close friends in a single day. When they finally parted in the evening, Rainbow Dash walked into her room to see Fluttershy asleep on the couch.
There was, in her mind, not a cuter sight in the world at that moment. Seeing the sweet filly passed out made her look so…natural? Adorable? Maybe even beautiful?
Agh! Stop doing that brain!!
As she went to her room to sleep, Rainbow looked back and saw Fluttershy shiver. Feeling sorry for the poor thing, she grabbed the blanket and a pillow off of her bed and lay down on the couch next to the sleeping filly, covering them both up. Just before closing her eyes, the blue pony leaned over, kissing her friend on the cheek.
Fluttershy was still awake.
The whole camp seemed to fly by (no pun intended), and soon, there was only one day left before everypony would part ways. Some of these new friends might never see each other again, so the camp staff decided to give the campers free reign over themselves. There were no activities, races, classes, or supervisors of any kind all day. Gilda had left early after breaking her wing flying into the camp’s infirmary, so by now, Rainbow Dash had gotten to know Fluttershy pretty well.
The cyan filly had admitted to herself that she had feelings for the shy pony after three days, and after that felt more able to open up to her. When the camp was about halfway done, the story of Thunder Dash—Rainbow’s father—came out almost by accident. Fluttershy still proved unwilling to open up about her home life, saying only that she was home-schooled and had a decent mother. They had to be nice to let her stay after falling to the ground; it took the camp staff four hours to find her, and while the cyan filly had taken responsibility for the plummet, there was still the camp’s reputation to consider. They sent a message to Fluttershy’s parents and they responded simply saying that the best punishment would be to make her stay there for the rest of the camp. The head of the place caved immediately, gathering that these were parents even he didn’t want to mess with.
The best part of the whole experience for Rainbow Dash was the chance to get to know Fluttershy on a personal level. It seemed as if she knew somepony as well as she could, and yet there was something missing. Sure, they talked all the time, but it still felt like there could be more. As if she was only hearing the opening bars of a beautiful symphony** or seeing the first 30 seconds of a Wonderbolts show. For some reason, the cyan filly wanted there to be more than just friendship with Fluttershy: she wanted to have her friend in a way nopony else could. After days of thinking about it, she had an epiphany, one that explained everything about her feelings whenever she saw the canary pony, heard her soft voice and bell-like laughter.
I’m in love with Fluttershy.
This realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Her mother had told her that love was for mares and stallions, not mares and other mares. And yet, here was Rainbow Dash: in love with another filly roughly her own age and, strangely enough, not ashamed at all. This little nugget lifted an enormous weight off her shoulders and allowed her to see clearly for the first time in two weeks. It was an elating recognition.
So it came to pass that, on their last night at camp, Rainbow brought up the subject of love. Fluttershy had nothing much to say, as usual, but there was something odd about her body language. She tensed up the second Dash mentioned colts, and denied having a crush on anypony at the camp, or anywhere, for that matter.
After that initial awkwardness, there was a moment of silence, then some chat. The two fillies just talked about how they felt about love in general, and discovered that they shared many of the same desires in potential mates. They both wanted somepony who was honest, kind, and selfless. These seemed like universal characteristics, but they were obviously important to both of the ponies discussing the matter.
Just as Fluttershy was finishing up her packing, Rainbow Dash plopped down next to her and asked her one question.
“Flutters, do you love me?”
“…” The canary pegasus was floored by this question. Was her crush seriously asking this question? Did they share feelings? Or was it some cruel prank?
In response, after almost a full minute of silence, Fluttershy leaned over and kissed Rainbow Dash.
The embrace lasted longer than she expected. The blue filly kissed back and never seemed to let go. It was tender, yet forceful. There was feeling and numbness present, and both ponies felt as if time had stopped. Eventually, for lack of air, they pulled away and stared into each other’s eyes. It was then that Fluttershy finally found her voice.
“Yes.”
The next morning found two young fillies sleeping next to each other, trapped in a warm embrace. Rainbow Dash was the first to wake, and spent the better part of ten minutes watching her crush—no, fillyfriend—sleep next to her. There were no words to describe how overjoyed she felt at the opportunity to call Fluttershy her fillyfriend. It made everything seem so much more official.
As the sun rose, the magenta-eyed filly heard a soft yawn. She looked down and saw Fluttershy’s eyes opening to gaze at her. They kissed lightly and set about cleaning the room before leaving. As they went downstairs, it hit both of them: this may be the last time they ever saw each other. The last chance they had to tell their families in order to have a reason to spend as much time as possible with each other. They never wanted to face the prospect of being away from each other.
They put that out of their minds for the moment, focusing instead on the “here and now,” as it were.
They went out to the front of campus to wait for their respective parents to pick them up. Rainbow Dash’s mom was the first to arrive, and just before they left, she gave Fluttershy a strong hug. Soon, the yellow filly and the memories they had shared were fading into the distance, and so too were the memories of the days that followed.
Present Day
Rainbow Dash woke up in a cold sweat. She never stopped thinking about those two weeks, and remembering that last day always made her choke a bit. But why did she feel this way after all these years?
The months following the camp had become a blur in her memory. The beatings, the starvation, the straight camp…it was all fuzzy outlines, and few details remained. All she could say about that time of her life was that she had spent almost 10 years repressing who she was, and suffered continuously for it.
She suddenly realized what was happening: those barriers came down when Fluttershy kissed her. That moment awoke a part of the cyan mare that had been hidden for years.
She had fallen back in love with Fluttershy.
While processing this, Rainbow Dash had failed to hear the door of her home knock. When the sound came again, she managed to drag herself out of bed and answer the door. Standing on the stoop of her home was a tearful Cloud Kicker.
“Cloud? What’s wrong?”
“W-Wait…you haven’t heard?” she asked, sniffling.
“No. What’s going on?”
“It-It’s Fluttershy. She in the ho-hospital. She tried to kill herself yesterday.”
*Forgive me for that horrible cliche. **I'm a musician, so this is the first analogy that came to my mind.
