Chapters Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
Case File 1- Pink and Red
From the desk of Det. Colt Harris.
“The coffee’s a little stale today Mrs. Cake.” I said, taking a sip as I looked out the window at the light and cheerful day outside of SugarCube Corner. I always started my days like this a chocolate doughnut, the morning paper, and a nice hot mug of coffee made fresh by Mr. Cake himself. The man was a genius when it came to coffee, it was usually brewed to perfection; however, today it tasted old and grimy like the water you get from a school drinking fountain. It took all I had to choke down the brown liquid, and even then I think Mrs. Cake could tell that I was having problems. I have a very sensitive palate for hot drinks, coffee included. It didn’t matter though, maybe today was just a bad day for the baker.
I payed for my drink and my pastry, leaving the slightly aging Mrs. Cake to do her work while I walked to work. Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten my manners. My name is Detective Colt Harris, call me Colt, everyone does. I work in the small town of Ponyville, population 210, as an inspector for the homicide department. What you’re reading right now isn’t fan fiction, it’s a recounting of the events of my day leading up to the incident known as File# 9876650. Some of you might know it better as ‘The Cupcakes Murder’ or simply as ‘Cupcakes’, but it’s my job to set the record straight and tell you all the truth. Pinkamena Diane ‘Pinkie’ Pie was a friend of mine, so it’s my duty to tell the true events of that day to the best of my knowledge. Anyway, as I was saying, I took my usual route from the bakery on Cloudsdale Drive down to the plaza, passing the outdoor market. That market always made my mouth water at the various pies and cookies out for sale, but what really caught my eye was anew stall that looked familiar somehow.
A large, pink and purple tent with colorful balloons tied to ends of the stakes holding it down filled a large spot on Main Street, and I didn’t need to ask to know who had set it up. Soon, I was greeted with the usual pink, cotton candy hair of Pinkie Pie. She looked as happy as ever, and seemed to smile extra wide when she saw me staring at her tent. Pinkie was, oddly enough, quite slim for a woman who ate sweets all the time, I guess it would have to be something of a combination of metabolism and constant activity that kept the girl thin. The baker’s assistant charged at me, running faster than even some of Princess Celestia’s own guards, but somehow stopped just inches from me as if she had no momentum at all. Just Pinkie being Pinkie , I thought to myself.
“Colty!” Pinkie called, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, “Oh! I’m so happy to see you, you have no idea how bored I’ve been standing out here and getting the tent ready, Well, maybe you do if you’ve ever set up a tent before, but I’m not sure you have because you don’t seem to like camping and I don’t think you hunt or fish. But, I might be wrong, so if you fish do you like it? I like fishing, but I like baking more, then again that’s pretty obvious huh?”
“Um... Yeah.” I replied, I could never follow the young girl’s line of dialog past ‘hello’. However, she seemed to giggle and smile anyway, prattling on and on about her friends and how she had invited one of them to help her make cupcakes for her outdoor pastry stand. I would later learn that this friend was Rainbow Dash, a hopeful for Princess Celestia’s flight team (The Wonderbolts) and the current pilot for a weather helicopter. You know the one, where the news anchor goes up and talks about the traffic. I’m not sure why they still called it a weather chopper in town, but maybe that was just Miss Dash wishing she could control the weather. Whether or not that was true, I had to hurry Pinkie along so that I could make it to the station on time. She waved as I left... If only I had known what would happen later that day.
Homicide in a small town isn’t unheard of, but for a peaceful community like Ponyville it was rare. We would get the odd call of domestic dispute, but for the most part I had a nearly useless job. I can honestly say that most of my day was spent drinking coffee, and looking into it to see if pictures formed when I poured the milk in. I always enjoyed natural milk more than creamer, thankfully Sweet Apple Acres was in town and the Apple Family gave P.V.P.D. all the milk they wanted. I had just settled down to my second cup, when the department got the call of a cat stuck in a tree outside the Carousel Boutique... That was the stations sign that it would be an incredibly slow day, especially for a pointless detective in a pointless department. I poured the milk into my coffee slowly, like an artist pours paint onto an easel, and just as slowly two distinct letters began to form in the bright, brown, hot liquid. I smiled to myself and turned my chair, leaning over my desk to show the man in front of mine. The man in question was my partner, ‘King’ George Wool.
Wool was a good man, a good foil to my own skills. He was patient, sympathetic, always the shoulder the victims could cry on in their time of need. Me, however, I was more calculating, more deductive. I chewed witnesses and suspects up and pat them out. In a way, I was the detective and he was the coffee boy.
“Wool, look,” I said, my voice soft in the now quiet room, “clear as day. ‘P...P...’ in the coffee, you have to admit that’s something you don’t see everyday.”
“Huh, good point Colt.” my partner said with a smile, “It’s like it’s trying to tell you something.” That’s when the real distress call came in, the call that would change my life... A call that would change this town to it’s very soul.
*****
The weather had changed for the worse, as if the very clouds were mourning the loss of one of their own. George and I had just parked next to the bakery, the SugarCube Corner, where just hours ago I was drinking a bitter, stale coffee with one of the owners. Who would’ve guessed I’d be back today, and under these circumstances to boot. My partner and I stepped out of our patrol car and into the thunderous rain, it felt like a stampede of wild buffalo on my head as I rushed to the covered cafe of SugarCube Corner. As George joined me, we entered the shop to see a grief stricken Mrs. Cake sobbing at a table while as worried looking Mr. Cake rubbed her back and held her.
“Mr. Cake,” I said, causing the older man’s head to jerk up and look at me, “What happened?”
Mr. Cake said nothing except, “I... I need to show you.” He moved his hand from his wife and lead George and me down stairs, to the basement of the sugary sweet despenatory. As we followed the owner, the hall got darker as if the sun was swallowed by Luna’s moon. I was hopeful when I saw the bit of candle light that seemed to flicker in the distance... I should’ve ran. I know I should’ve left. I had trained four years to be a police officer in Canterlot, but nothing in all my training, or in all my years of experience, would prepare me for what was hidden in that basement. Skulls, the skulls of humans littered around a table. Not just adult sized ones either, but children, and even pet skulls seemed to decorate the table the the tops of chairs like a macabre greeting party. The balloons looked harmless when glanced at, but in reality they were blown up stomachs and lungs and livers, the blood on some had just dried a week ago and had stained the bright red rug under them. It was enough to make George gag and hurl, the poor guy hadn’t seen anything like this before, not even in movies. It was odd that he would be in the homicide department, but that’s how the world turns I guess.
What I saw next, thought, that was what got to me. Above our heads, in the door frame was a large, white banner. On the banner read a simple message ‘Life’s a Party’, but it was what the message was written in that made my heart grow cold. Blood, the letters were written in hot, sticky, red blood. I reached up and scooped a bit off the banner, feeling it run and stick to my fingers as I turned to Mr. Cakes.
“Who?” I asked, pale as a ghost according to the bakery owner. The man only pointed to a young, pink haired woman whom he had knocked out. The woman’s hair was long, but that wasn’t what I was focused on. It was the body that had caught my attention, the lifeless body of Miss Rainbow Dash.
*****
Upon further inspection of the body, it seemed that Pinkie didn’t just kill Miss Dash, she massacred her. The thin, athletic helicopter pilot was stripped bare, her small breasts having been cut off first while she was still alive. Pinkie then seemed to... brutally assault Miss Dash with the handle of her knife before cutting the girl from chest to crotch and slowly, painfully cutting out each organ while the victim was still living. Pieces of flesh were ripped out of Miss Dash, her hair was cut off, and finally the slim woman’s neck was shallowly sliced, finally ending it all. I sat in the interrogation room, facing Pinkie Pie, whose normally curly locks had gone flat and straight. All I could do is look at her and ask her one question.
“Why?” I asked the clearly bored killer, “Why did you kill your friend Pinkie?”
The girl looked up at me, her big blue eyes just begging for me to kiss her, to take her, to make her pay for her crimes in the most indecent way possible. “Why Colty,” Pinkamena began, “you should know why I did it... I did it, because Dashie was a bad, bad girl. She slept around you know, with everyone. She fucked Applejack’s brother, and Mr. Soarin of The Wonderbolts, and it just broke her all my friend’s hearts when they heard over.” Pinkie slammed her fist on the table, “and over.” Slam!, “AND OVER!” Slam!! “About each and every man and woman! Lyra Heartstrings! Rarity! Cheerilee! Did you know she tried to seduce a kid when she was drunk, a kid! A school kid, about 14!” The girl I once knew as the friendliest in all of Ponyville began to scream, her eyes focused on me like fire behind ice. “The Princess named her the Element of Loyalty! LOYALTY!” Pinkamena spit on the floor, her saliva seemed red with blood, “She betrayed Celestia and Luna... So I punished her... I’m the good guy.”
I sighed and stood, turning my back to the girl I once knew, “No, Pinkie... You aren’t.”
“Colty... My name is Pinkamena. Don’t call me Pinkie again... Or I’ll make you into cupcakes too.”
*****
Colt Harris sat in his chair on the train, his eyes glazed over as if he had just inhaled the longest puff of ‘Poison Joke’ in recorded history. The ex-detective frowned as he viewed Ponyville, his town, in the backdrop of dead clouds and dying hope. Among those who were waving to his was a girl he had never seen before, a beautiful young woman, just out of college by the look of her, with long purple and violet hair. The girl pushed up her glasses and waved at Colt, as if her was a hero leaving on a crusade. Yet, he was only bringing a prisoner to Canterlot, he would be back... But he never wanted it to be soon.
Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
Case File 2- Magistrates and Hearings
Case File 2- Magistrates and Hearings
From the desk of Det. Colt Harris
The train from Ponyville to Canterlot takes about half a day to reach the capital city, and the entire time is usually very boring for me. I have to confess that this time I didn’t take my usual nap, in fact I didn’t sleep at all. I sat, nearly alone, in a large open car with only two benches. This was the car that various other police departments use in Equestria to move their most dangerous criminals. Most of the time they would just use a normal prison bus, but for the worst of the worst they used the train car. A few of the captains on the other forces had a name for this car, The Canyon, because of an incident that happened three weeks after the first one of these cars was made.
“Do you want to hear that story?” I asked Pinkie Pie, my mind praying for some conversation... even with her. The pink haired woman looked at me, her eyes roaming from my shoes to the red tie in my new suit. Pinkamena nodded, smiling slightly. “Well, years ago, long before I even joined the force, there was a detective named Caramel. He was a bit soft in the head, but he had a good heart and a real sense of justice. That day, he was riding from Dodge Junction to Appleloosa with one of the most notorious murderers in the history of Equestria. You should know her, she calls herself Queen Chrysalis.”
Pinkie giggled at the mention of the monster’s name, “She was fun to play with. And she was a queen, you just didn’t know if.” The girl’s arms strained against the straightjacket me and Woll had put her in, mostly to protect her from anything sharp the crowd outside SugarCube Corner would have. I just nodded and continued my story.
“Anyway,” I said with a sigh, “you know that the way to Appleloosa from Dodge has a huge bridge built over a nearly bottomless gorge. In fact, the name of the place is Train Wreck Canyon because of what happened when Detective Caramel’s car did when the train reached that section of track.” I sat back and pulled a cigarette from my breast pocket, flicked the lighter I had on me, and inhaled the calming nicotine, “So... The winds were really high that day, so the train was rocking hard over the canyon. No one knows how it happened, but when the train pulled up to Appleloosa Caramel and the entire car were gone.” I looked over at Pinkie, who looked completely bored as I told her all of this, “Since you and the other Elements fought Chrysalis a while back, the guys back at the precinct think that Caramel might’ve ended up a love slave to the Queen.”
The deranged woman smiled wider, her teeth shined like little pearls in the sunlight. “I bet you’ld like to do that to me Colty, make me a love slave. I saw the way you used to look at me when I smiled at you...” she leaned forward, trying to close the ten foot space between us, “I know you wana fuck me Colt, just do it. I won’t tell.”
I shook my head at her, “Pinkie, in another time I might say yes to that. But... Yo’re not you anymore-
Suddenly, Pinkie stood and started to run at me. Fortunately, her legs were chained to her bench, and when they snapped under her and caused her to trip and fall she began to thrash on the floor. “I’m not Pinkie!” the psychotic woman screamed, “Pinkie is dead! She died in that basement right next to the mayor’s assistant and Lyra and Bon Bon's kid! I’m Pinkamena you stupid, useless fucker!” I just left her there, struggling on the floor to get up. A lesser man might have kicked her while she was down, but I hoped that a shard of that sweet girl from the bakery was still in this monstrous body of hers... My hope was in vain, I know that now. So, I just let her thrash and scream and threaten me until she was calm, and then I helped her back onto the bench. I decided that it would be better not to try and talk to her, it would only get Pinkamena more enraged.
*****
After the train pulled into the station, a tall man in a trench coat walked into The Canyon car. He showed me his badge, I forget his name but he was very old fashioned; it was almost like he had stepped out of the time when the Gryphon family was having a turf war with the Saddle Arabian Knights. Either way, he took Pinkie off my hands, but he gave me a little warning that Princess Celestia would ask me to give my opinion on the pink haired killer’s mental health. I agreed, and spend the next five hours at the train depot, just drinking a very fancy, very expensive, and very watered down latte. As I saw a royal messenger approach me, I thought to myself Stick to regular old coffee from now on Colt, you’ll live longer .
The princess had given her expressed hope that Ponyville would consider giving Pinkie a trial in Canterlot, and since most of the people in town were either furious, saddened, or confused we decided it would be best for everyone if Pinkamena was a Canterlot problem. The huge royal court was lined with stone pillars leading up to a tall desk, where Celestia herself sat in judgment over the killer in the straightjacket that used to be close to her. I noticed, as I walked in, that a familiar face was laced in the audience. The purple and lavendered hair girl from Ponyville was here with a kid in a purple and green hoodie. Both of them looked at me with deep, mourning eyes... I took a guess that the girl was a friend of Pinkies and that the kid was her brother or something. I learned later that I wasn’t far off, but the time for that explanation will come later. Judgelestia (a little nickname we gave her when we saw her preside over the case involving Discord) called me up as soon as I entered the room and sat me at the stand.
“Det. Colt,” a man with a blue moustache began, “you’ve been with the Ponyville Police Department for how long?”
“Almost two years.” I answered.
“I see,” the prosecutor replied, “and you’ve known the defendant for that long?”
“Yes.”
I see... Would you say you’re friends with her?”
I sighed, I knew exactly where this guy was going, “I used to be.”
“Before all of this?”
Yes.”
I see,” the bastard adjusted his monocle and went to his table. I noticed a small, very old book under some of this papers, and I realized that I was being questioned by a scholar. Scholars are odd people, they have what Celestia and Luna call a ‘gift’. I call it strange myself, but then again us normal folk can’t use magic too well. The prosecutor levitated a file over to him, then paused to look at me. If he expected to see me wide eyed with wonder, he was disappointed. “Your Honor, I wish to sight case 1022: The people vs-”
Hindsight,” I finished for him, “that’s the first case they hammer into us in criminology, and it has nothing to do with any kind of relationship between the suspect and a witness.” The bastard was flabbergasted... Yeah, that’s the word, flabbergasted. He began to scream and yell at me, telling me not to do his job.
“Order!” Celestia called, “Counselor Fancy Pants, take a seat. I’ll ask this man myself.” The princess kindly waited for the fancied up, red faced baboon to sit. I took that time to notice her usual white dress that you’ld normally see her in was replaced by the standard judges robe... I guess I was so used to the dress. “Now, tell me Detective Colt. What is you opinion on Miss Pinkamena’s mental health?”
“Princess... your honor,” I said, “the suspect cut up her friend, ate pieces of her skin, and there’s evidence to support that...” Then it hit me. “The... The cupcakes... She... She made her victims into...” An image of the chocolate doughnut I had the day of the murder flashed in my mind, and the voice of Mrs. Cake telling me that Pinkie made it herself, “I... Miss Pinkamena... Fed the unsuspecting citizens of Ponyville... Their neighbors.” Up to this point, the entire precinct had been searching for the bodies of Pinkie’s victims... We didn’t have to look far... We had eaten them. All of us had. Even... Even me.
I saw the dual haired girl from Ponyville faint as I stood and rushed toward a waste bin near the defence’s desk. I gagged as the last two days of food emptied out of me, followed by the sound of the prosecutor doing the same. By the time it was over, Princess Celestia understood. Pinkie was going to an insane asylum in Canterlot. That day, I opted to transfer to Canterlot P.D. to try and further my police training... If I ever wanted to go back to Ponyville, I’d be ready.
Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
Day 1- Six Years Later...
I stared out the window at the rainy day waiting for me outside the warm train car, my mind was wandering slowly through the events that had lead up to this. I had just made detective in Canterlot, when a sudden urge overcame me. I kept picturing the small bakery I used to go to every day, the kind couple that ran said bakery, and the daily ritual of slowly sipping down a cup of joe before heading down to the station. Unfortunately, I also saw the image of... Her flicker through my head. Her long pink hair, her cold blue eyes, and the toothy smile she gave me the last time we saw each other. I closed my eyes and shook the image of Pinkamena Diane Pie out of my brain, and tried to focus on the dripping of the rain outside. I had been riding the Ponyville Express for nearly six hours now, all night really if you count the new stops they put in for Grassy Knoll and New Clop City. I’ll have to visit New Clop one day , I thought to myself, I heard they have some of the best coffee in Equestria.
“Next stop Ponyville!” the ticket taker called out, “Ponyville next! Last stop!” I stretched in my seat, my back cracking as my arms reached for the roof of the train. Suddenly, my eyes caught sight of a familiar building. Town Hall looked as beautiful as ever, even with the old coat of yellow paint seeming to peel off of it. After seeing it, I was able to pick out other specific buildings in this one horse town. The library, Carousel Boutique,even... SugarCube Corner... I closed the curtains on my window, opting not to look out anymore. The screech of train brakes caught my ears before the car jerked forward slightly, the other passengers seemed a bit too tired to brace themselves and ended up hitting the backs of the seats in front of them, face first. I stifled a laugh, but still took pleasure in one of my favorite parts of taking the train. I grabbed my luggage, a single suitcase, and made my way to the platform.
My superiors in Canterlot where a bit disappointed to hear that I asked for a transfer, but I think they understood. They could see the dullness in my eyes that day, I knew they could, and told me that I was approved by the commissioner and all I needed to do was wait till the Ponyville sheriff okayed it. It took three days, but I blame the mailwoman they gave the documents to. I had seen her when I lived in Ponyville, and even though she was the best mail carrier there... Let’s just say she had a history of losing letters and packages. I guess I blamed the blonde stereotype, but it didn’t help that she was cross eyed. Either way, the papers went through, and I was told that either the sheriff or one of her deputies would meet me on the platform today. To my surprise, I was greeted by a girl, the girl who waved to me the day my train departed for Canterlot. The girl that showed up in court during the trial of Pinkamena, and just like then she was accompanied by what I still assumed was her little brother. The girl was dressed in all purple, even her rain boots and oversized jacket where a shade of royal purple. Her brother just had his hoodie zipped up to protect him from the rain.
“Hello again,” the girl said, smiling, “You must be Detective Colt.”
I nodded, “Nice to actually meet you this time,” I chuckled, which made her blush slightly, “I had no idea you where the sheriff, you still look a bit too young.”
“What? Oh no, no,” the lavender haired girl laughed, “I’m the librarian. My friend’s the sheriff, she just asked me to come pick you up. My name’s Twilight by the way, Twilight Sparkle. And this is my assistant, Spike.” Twilight gestured over to her little friend, and he just nodded. I figured he’d be a little shy around me, most people who know the first homicide case I worked on are. “Anyway, I’ll show you to the new sheriff station. They combined the two precincts into one a year ago, so the station was built into Town Hall.” As she turned, I noticed the small book tied to Twilight’s hip by a thick string.
“You’re a scholar huh?” I asked, now walking with her and Spike in the slowly clearing rain.
“Mhm, I’m actually Princess Celestia’s personal student.” Twilight looked over at me as she turned onto Mane Street, “I’m surprised you didn’t see me, the walk from town to the castle takes me right in front of the guard station.”
“I wasn’t stationed there,” I said, “I was at the Canterlot University station. The chief thought it would be a better idea to have me help train rookies in criminology, then I got transferred to the homicide unit there as a profiler.”
“A profiler? That sounds interesting, right Spike?”
“Huh? What?” the teen age kid said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “Oh yeah, sure Twilight.”
Twilight shot a nasty glare at her assistant, then turned back to me, “I’m sorry, I think I woke Spike up a bit too early today.”
“No problem, the only reason I’m awake is because the coffee on the train was extra strong last night.” I looked into Celestia’s personal students purple eyes, “Plus, I know how it is having a kid brother.”
“I’m not really her brother,” Spike retorted, “Her family adopted me after my parents died in a car crash.”
“Spike! Don’t lie, you know how that got you in trouble last time.” Twilight yelled, the hoodied assistant just smiled at her, causing her to smile back. “Spike’s not my brother, he was right about that, but my family didn’t adopt him. I’m his mentor, he’s training to be a scholar too.”
I stopped dead in my tracks as the wheels in my head finally turned, “Ah, you’re that Twilight Sparkle.” I said out loud, my mind flashed with images from newspapers the Elements of Harmony and how they faced down Discord and Nightmare Moon. They were basically Celestia’s personal clean up crew, stopping other scholars who had gone rouge (or in the case of Nightmare Moon, the split personality of a very jealous Princess Luna). “It’s nice to meet the Element of Magic.”
Twilight blushed, but that quickly turned into a deeply ridged frown. “I haven’t been called that since... What happened back then.” I could sense the woman was about to cry, and I knew I couldn’t have that. I quickly wrapped my arms around her in a hug, a hug that made the girl’s eyes go wide... Then she punched my face. “What the hell man?! I barely know you!”
I stepped back, a hand going up to my cheek as I laughed. I’m not sure why, but Twilight began to laugh too.
“I’m sorry.” we both said simultaneously, then broke out into a hysterical laughing fit. Spike just shook his head, probably figuring Twilight and I to be nuttier than a fruitcake.
*****
As the three of us went our separate ways, Twilight waved back at me. She had told me that if I needed any information that I could always come see her at the library. Spike just nodded his head at me as he followed his mentor, I could tell the kid was putting on an act to try and get an ‘angsty teen boy’ reputation with me. The way he trotted behind Twilight... I could picture him wearing a pink, frilly apron while nursing a sick librarian back to health. After smiling at that thought, I turned and entered the station part of Town Hall. I could tell right away that the department was much more understaffed then when I was part of it, five desks sat behind the main greeting counter and only two didn’t have dust covering them. I walked up to the counter, and just as I was about to ring the bell the door behind me swung open and I was greeted by the sight of a blonde woman in a brown, leather jacket.
The woman had a very light farmer’s tan, and her hair was tied back into a thick ponytail. On her light blonde hair was something a bit stereotypical of small town sheriffs, a Stetson, but this one looked as if it had seen better days.
“Howdy,” the sheriff said, “you must be the Canterlot detective who transferred back here.”
I pulled out my Canterlot P.D. badged and let it flip so she could see the I.D. “Detective Colt Harris, call me Colt.”
“All righty Colt, pleasure ta meet ya.” the woman took my hand and shook it heartily, “Name’s Applejack, ya’ll meet m’ah deputy an’ brother Big Mac later on today.”
“A southern sheriff,” I said out loud, “now that’s stereotypical.”
“An’ just what’s wrong with havin’ a country girl as a sheriff?” my new superior asked me, a glare in her eyes, “Ya’ best not be sexist Mr. Colt.”
“Not at all, I was just commenting on it.”
AJ gave me a suspicious look, then smiled slightly and slapped me on the back, “I was just joshin’ ya Colt, ya gotta learn to lighten up ‘round here. We ain’t like those stuffed shirts in Canterlot.”
I chuckled, my back aching from the spot she slapped me at. “So, since you’re a friend of Twilight’s, I’m guessing you’re an Element of Harmony too?”
The sheriff’s smile left her face, much like Twilight’s had, and was replaced by a saddened and defeated look. “Ah’d rather not talk about it.” she said, walking over to her desk with me following a little ways behind, “After the Cupcake Murders happened, the Elements just went their separate ways. Me, Rarity, and Twi stayed in Ponyville, but we don’t talk much anymore. Ah’m actually surprised Twi answered when Ah called her yesterday. Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness, moved to Grassy Knoll with her lil animal friends. She sends us cards now and then, but she said she ain’t ever comin’ back to Ponyville... You know what happened to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie.” Before I could reply or apologise, the door opened behind me. I turned, only to face a large, muscular man that was about my age. He had slightly long, blonde hair and wore a red t-shirt with dirt caked jeans held up by suspenders.
“Big Mac I presume.” I said, pulling my badge back out, “Detective Colt Harris, call me Colt.”
The corn fed man smiled and took my hand, for a man his size he had a very soft grip. “Big Macintosh, AJ probably already told ya Ah’m her brother. Pleasure to meet you Colt.” He seemed like a man of few words, a guy who felt as though his actions spoke louder than his words... I liked him.
“Big Mac, how many times have Ah told you ta come in wearin’ your uniform?” Applejack said, pointing to the rain stained shirt he had on, “And what would Granny say if she saw you out there with no coat? She’s probably rollin’ over in her grave sayin’ ‘That boy needs some sense knocked inta him!’”
This just made Big Macintosh smile, “AJ, you know as well as Ah do that Granny’d be nappin’ no matter what right now.” The sheriff kept on her serious face for a moment, then cracked a smile and pointed her thumb to a small office.
“Go an’ change in their ya dummy.” as her brother walked past her, AJ turned back to me, “Ah know you probably have the lay of the land pretty well intact, seein’ as you’ve lived here before. Any questions?”
“Actually, I was wondering who’s running Sweet Apple Acres.” I said, pausing to light up a cigarette. Applejack cleared her throat and nodded her head towards a very clear sign that said ‘no smoking’. I put out my cig and slid it back in the pack for later, “With you and Big Mac here, and granny having passed on, who’s left?”
“Big Mac mainly works there, he’s only here when he’s needed or if he’s on call. The mayor doesn’t seem to think we need that big of a police department after... You know.” Applejack then cocked her eyebrow, “How did you know we’re Apples?”
“Your names are all apple based, just like before... Plus, I used to live here.” the sheriff then punched me in the arm and smiled, calling me a dirty dog before showing me to a slightly less dusty desk.
“Ah’ll get your badge and I.D. ready quick as a rabbit. Why don’t you take a stroll around town, get to know the new buildings around here. Maybe check out the memorial.” I noticed the glint in her eyes fade when she mentioned the last part, and I had a hunch why... But felt it was better not to bring it up. I just nodded, asked my new superior where the best coffee in town was (she pointed to a small pot in the break room), and I headed out once more.
*****
I rounded the corner from the station and finally found what Applejack had told me about, a huge stone wall with a small horse on top of it sat where SugarCube Corner had once been. I took a few steps up to it before I saw why the bakery had gone. Caught behind the wall, or intentionally stuck there I’m not sure, was a copy of the Ponyville Prancer, the town newspaper. On the front page was a picture of the Cake’s bakery, the headline read ‘Owners to sell shop and buy new store in Grassy Knoll, Town plans to erect monument to ‘Cupcake Murder’ victims.’ I shook my head, I had had a feeling that Mr. and Mrs. Cake had left town, but until now I had held out hope that they would’ve stayed like the Apples, or Twilight.
“You found it huh?” speaking of Twilight, Spike had apparently found me.
“Yeah... Twilight back at the library?” I asked the teen ager. Spike nodded, pulling a cigarette out of his hoodies pocket. “Those things’ll kill ya kid.”
The boy just looked at me like I was crazy and chopped down on the candy cigarette, making me laugh at myself like an idiot. “You know she likes you, right?”
“Who? Twilight?”
“No, Princess Luna. Yes Twilight! For a cop you’re pretty stupid.” the green and purple hoodied kid told me, “For some reason she thinks you’re going to help us all ‘heal’ or something like that.”
“What do you think?” I asked him.
Spike just shook his head, “I’m not sure, but I know that if you hurt Twilight I’ll kill you." I looked down at the kid, and finally saw a smile crack over his lips. We both laughed... I’m still not sure why, but he seemed to have warmed up to me. It had been a good start to my return to Ponyville, I just hopped it would stay that way... I have to learn to stop hopping.
“N...No, please stop!” Silver Spoon screamed as she saw the glint of a knife in the singular light of the cold, damp basement. “I... I’m sorry, I won’t be a bully ever again... I promise!”
The figure holding the knife looked at the girl, and even with its face covered Silver could make out a wide grin breaking out over the menacing person’s face, “You... Promise?” the knife wielding psychopath said, giggling under its menacing voice.
“Y...Yes, please just let me go! PLEASE!” the bespeckled girl thrashed against her bonds, her pale, drugged body glistening with sweat as the disguised thing took a step forward. Its hot breath on the frightened girl’s neck, right before it licked slowly up and bit hard into Silver Spoon’s cheek. Silver cried out in agony, the teeth of her assailant tearing away a huge chunk of her flesh. The creature chewed the girl’s flesh loudly, blood visibly dripping down the covered thing’s chin as it slurped and swallowed that juicy morsel.
“Pinkie Promise.” Then the knife came slicing down, cleanly cutting Silver Spoon’s head from her neck. The poor girl had just graduated middle school, her fear of being bullied by her friend Diamond Tiara now a thing of the past... permanently. The cloaked figure chucked as it began to put the now headless body’s neck from her shoulders, then it tossed the piece of meat and bone into the roaring fire behind it to melt away any evidence.
“All you have to do...” the figure began to sing softly, “is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix. Then, you take a little something sweet, not sour. A bit of salt, just a pinch....” The creature quickly went digging into it’s bag it had brought, a large duffle bag, and pulled out a pink mixing bowl and a cupcake tray with the letters ‘S.C.C.’ on it. To the cloaked thing, this next part would be the first time in a long time it had tasted the sweet, tangy confection. The best part to it was where it was making the treat, and how right it felt to cut open Silver Spoon slowly and cover her flesh and heart in a barrage of flour.
“Life’s a party, right Pinkie?” the cloaked figure asked no one as it began to create a new bowl of batter.
Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
I awoke the next day to the sound of someone pounding at my door. I rolled over and checked my alarm clock, three in the morning. Who wakes up at three in the morning? I asked myself. I got out of bed and pulled my robe on, my eyes watering due to the rude awakening and the lack of sleep from being in my new apartment. It wasn’t a bad place, it was pretty spacious and just a block away from the station. I guess I’ve always had a problem with sleeping in strange places, it took me a week to be able to get to sleep around eleven in Canterlot, so getting to bed around midnight here isn’t too bad.
As the pounding at my front door continued I groaned at whomever was on the other side. “ If this is for some religion based around Princess Celestia, I’m shooting you.” I opened the oak door, and was face to face with Big Macintosh. The blonde deputy was now in the Ponyville P.D.’s official uniform: tan shirt, brown pants, black shoes, and a badge on his breast pocket. Right away I could tell something was wrong, I wasn’t set to go in until seven.
“No time to explain.” Big Mac said, panting as if he had just ran all the way here from his family’s farm, “Applejack got a call around two about a fire, turned out to be more. I’ll explain on the way, get dressed an’ hurry!” My new friend didn’t have to tell me twice, and I dashed back into my bedroom to pull on a pair of pants and a dress shirt before joining Big Macintosh in an already running patrol car.
*****
“Ok, run that by me again.” I said, my mind still going over the details. My brain was still a bit fuzzy, but the cool night air was slowly waking me up.
Big Mac took a breath, the man wasn’t used to talking so much as he was used to thinking. “At two AM, AJ got an anonymous call sayin’ that Rich’s Barnyard Bargains was on fire. Ya’ll know who Filthy Rich is, right?”
“The supermarket tycoon, yeah.” I replied.
“Right,” the muscled deputy paused and gathered his thoughts, “So, Applejack went to check it out. She thought it was a completely routine store fire, somethin’ must’ve set it off. Faulty wiring, possibly arson.” I nodded, my eyes on the road as Big Mac sped up, “Well, when AJ got there with the fire department it all seemed normal still, but then they put the fire out. Turns out that there was a body in there, a headless body that looked like a big stick of beef jerky that someone had bitten off of. AJ calls me, tells me all of this, and says to bring out up there A.S.A.P.”
I leaned back in my seat, the shadow of what was left of Filthy Rich’s first supermarket smoldering up ahead. I light a cigarette and try to calm my mind, but all I can think about is the one thing I’m missing... “Please tell me you have some coffee.” I ask my frantic driver.
“What? No, I never touch the stuff.” he replies, causing me to groan. I know how useless I am without a cup of joe right after I wake up. I know I may sound a little emotionless, almost cruel, considering that all I can think about is coffee when there’s an unidentified body smoldering nearby, but after seeing what happened in certain areas of Canterlot and... The incident all those years ago, I’ve grown a bit callused. Soon, the car comes to a screeching halt in the parking lot of the ruins of Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, and Big Mac takes a slow, deep breath before getting out of the car. I’ve seen other cops do that... He’ll stop sooner or later, but he’ll never stop that feeling in his stomach. I’m surprised that I did.
“Well,” Applejack said as Big Macintosh and I finally arrived on the scene, “it’s about time ya’ll showed up.” The sheriff took a sip of her coffee from a styrofoam cup, then reached into her coat pocket and tossed me a small, leather wallet. “There’s your badge Colt, you’re officially the only detective in the Ponyville Police force.”
“Lucky me.” I retorted, a small, snarky smile on my lips as I looked over the scene. “So there was only one body?”
“Eeeyup.” AJ said, her head nodding to a smoking carcass being pulled away on a stretcher. “Crime scene boys say that she was dead before the fire, but they can’t say what got her. Ah have a feelin’ that her head got cut off, but for all we know it could be a bullet to the head.”
“That would be one way to make sure we don’t trace this back to anyone,” I said, rubbing my chin, “but I don’t think anyone would go to that great of lengths.” Suddenly, the sound of very expensive shoes tapping on concrete filled the air. The three of us turned, only to see and old man and a slightly voluptuous woman in a fake diamond tiara standing next to him.
“Sheriff,” the woman say, a good dose of venom in her voice, “have you figured out what happened yet? Daddy wants to know what he should tell his insurance agent.”
“We’ll get to the bottom of it soon Diamond.” AJ said, her voice now sounding a bit more exhausted than it did a moment ago. The air between the two women is so full of strife, you could cut it with a wooden spoon. “Colt, this is Diamond Tiara an’ her father, Filthy Rich.”
I turn completely to the two and open my new badge, flipping the I.D. open as well. “Detective Colt Harris, call me Colt.”
“Detective Harris...” the old man, Filthy Rich, “Where have I heard that name before? Honey!” Filthy called out, causing all three of us to jump out of out shoes. “Sugar Plum!”
“I’m right here daddy.” Diamond said, her hand on her hip causing her cocktail dress to ride up one hip.
“Where have I heard that man’s name before? Do you know?” Rich asked his daughter, then snapped his fingers. A lone servant ran up behind the red robed old man, handing him a gold headed cane to help balance himself as he stood.
To answer her father, Diamond Tiara reached into a small, fluffy pink purse and flipped open a cell phone. Her fingers working quickly over it, a smile came across her face and she looked up at me. “Detective Colt Harris,” the old man’s daughter began, “was the lead investigator in the ‘Cupcake Murders’, daddy.”
The older man’s eyes opened slightly as he nodded, “Ah, yes. Mr. Harris... I’m surprised to see you here after what happened. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing fine...” I said, caught off guard by the old man’s friendliness compared to his daughter’s rude behavior.
“Good, good...” Rich smiled and turned, walking back to his car. “Please, take all the time you want, Sheriff Applejack. Just be sure to call me and tell me whether it was arson or not, my agent will most likely want to know by this afternoon.”
“Will do Mr. Rich.” AJ said, smirking at Diamond Tiara and waving, the younger woman glaring at my superior and stomping off. Applejack turned back to me and Big Mac, sighing. “That girl was nothin’ but trouble for me since I became sheriff. Ah probably should’ve listened to Apple Bloom, and locked her up right when I got my badge.”
“She’s that bad?” I asked, my eyes on the sheriff’s coffee cup.
“Eeeyup.” Big Macintosh answered, “You should’ve seen her when she was a kid, messin’ with Apple Bloom an’ her friends like it was some sort’a game. But, this ain’t the time to talk about it, we need to examine this scene.”
*****
The sun peeked over the tree line of the Everfree Forest just as we started searching the burnt down ruins of Filthy Rich’s livelihood. At first, it seemed like everything had been turned into ash, and anything we found that could even be hinted at as being evidence either got blown away of crumbled as one of us tried to pick it up. It was then that I noticed something off about where the side door of the store would’ve been.
“AJ,” I called out to my superior, “Do those look like shoe prints?” As she turned her head, I pointed at the nearly white walkway close to us. What looked like a trail of small sneaker prints lead out to the grass field that outlined the trees of Everfree.
Applejack nodded, wiping the sweat from her brow, “Yeah, seems like someone left the party a little after the fire started.”
“Hey!” the voice of Big Macintosh echoed out from the other side of the burnt store. As AJ and I rushed to her brother, the muscular deputy lifted a small purple piece of cloth from beneath a fallen door. “What do ya’ll make of this?” he asked.
“Looks like part of a shirt.” I said, taking the cloth from his hand and holding it up to the sun to examine it further, “A little bit of a cotton, polyester blend from a shirt.”
“How’d you get that just by lookin’ at it?” Applejack asked, then I handed it to her. The sheriff turned the piece of tattered cloth over, and sighed as she noticed the tag was still intact. “Well... Don’t make it look so easy Colt.”
A small smile light up in the bushes near what was left of Filthy Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, as a shadow covered figure saw the Ponyville Police leave the scene. The knife in the killer’s hand felt heavy now, coated in the blood of the late Silver Spoon. Blood that was now dripping onto the grass next to the hidden figure. Slowly, the figure of a long, pink haired woman appeared next to the hunched over killer, the woman’s blue eyes smiling at her protege.
“Good job sweetie.” Pinkamena said, her fingers running through the hidden thing’s hair, “They didn’t even see you, not to mention that piece you planted was just like a cherry on the top of a super duper sundae.”
“Pinkie, please,” a slightly boyish voice said as Rainbow Dash smiled from a tree branch above the two, “I’m hungry as it is. And I bet our pal here’s stomach’s empty.”
The psychotic, pink haired killer giggled at her friend, “Oh Dashie, my little killer’s doing fine. She had her fill of the Silver Rump Cake last night...” Pinkie turned, a large, almost face breaking, smile erupted from her face, “Then again, we could always get desert. Right... Dash?” Pinkamena turned back to her friend, a look of hunger and lust emanating from her eyes.
Rainbow Dash giggled, then stuck her tongue out at her best friend. “Good luck catching me Pinks.” And with that, the slender, rainbow haired woman slowly faded until nothing was left. Pinkie Pie smiled, then broke out into a laugh that could be summed up as terrifying and full of pure joy, as she faded as well. The killer, a smile now on it’s face, stood and walked deep into the Everfree Forest. It knew that soon, the Ponyville cops would get the little ‘gift’ it had left.
*****
I stretched as Big Mac, Sheriff Applejack, and I entered the station, a smile coming over my face as I reached the coffee maker. “Hey boss, how old’s fresh is this coffee?” I asked.
“Ah made a batch around eleven last night,” she answered, my smile slowly slipping before she added, “but Ah think one of the crime scene boys made that pot.” My resolve returned, I poured some into a mug and added just the right amount of creamer and sugar that gave it that special, Detective Colt touch.
“AJ, looks like Bon Bon brought us another batch of cookies!” Big Mac called, carrying a big, pink box to the sheriff’s desk. “Doesn’t look like Bon Bon’s usual box though...” The deputy added as he flipped open the lid... Then his face turned a bright white. Big Macintosh stumbled back, his legs obviously unable to hold him as Applejack and I rushed to help him.
“Mac, Macintosh!” I yelled, the muscled man’s eyes seemed to shake in fear, “What happened man?” All the deputy could do was point to the cake box. Slowly, I lifted the lid with my index finger, and that’s when the smell hit me. The smell of burnt flesh, the smell of death. I finally took a look in the box, and what I saw sent me back to that day... That horrible day six years ago.
I backed away, but Applejack stepped forward and opened the box once more before I could stop her. The sheriff’s eyes went wide and she screamed as her gaze landed on the severed head of a young woman, with a thick coat of cake icing for hair. The sheriff picked up the card attached to the box, her hands shaking as she read out loud:
To: Detective Colt Harris, Deputy Big Macintosh, and Sheriff Applejack
From: A friend
Note: Please enjoy this Silver Rum Cake, made with real Silver Spoon.
X0x0x0x0x0
Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
“This... This just ain’t right.” Applejack said, slowly zipping up the evidence bag that now held the box Silver Spoon’s head was delivered in. I light my latest cigarette, the last in my pack while watching my superior struggle to maneuver the noggin of the late Silver Spoon into a separate bag. AJ said she didn’t want the head to get any more damaged than it was, out of respect for the girl who it used to belong to. But I could see she was lying, she didn’t want to touch the head any longer then she needed to. I felt the same way.
“Who...” Big Macintosh’s voice broke the few seconds of silence, “Who would do somethin’ like this? There hasn’t been a murder in Ponyville since-”
“Since the Cupcake Murders.” A new voice chimed in, a familiar voice to all of us. Twilight Sparkle stepped closer to the main desk of the small office, a hand over her mouth in shock. “I... It’s true then, what the papers are saying I mean.”
I nodded, “You shouldn’t be here Twilight, it’s not exactly a great sight for Celestia’s student to see.”
“She’s seen worse, Colt.” The sheriff said, her tired eyes glaring at me, “She can handle seein’ this.” And with that, AJ motioned for Twilight to come around to where she had placed the bag with the head in it. To me, it looked like the scholar almost fainted; however, she held herself up on the desk and shivered slightly instead. I was afraid for the girl, then again I had just met her. For all I knew, she was the toughest woman in this one horse town... And that’s when her shirt caught my eye. Purple fabric, a cotton/polyester blend by the look of it. Could Twilight have... No. I thought to myself, She doesn’t seem like the type who would just go insane and kill a teenager. Still... It’s better to stay on my toes.
I must’ve been out of it for at least a few minutes, because I never heard Twilight cast the spell she was using to examine Silver Spoon’s head. The scholar sighed and looked back at AJ and I, her hands still glowing with a light lavender aura. “It wasn’t magic, whoever did this isn’t a scholar.”
“You’re sayin’ this was done with some sorta saw?” Big Mac asked, cracking his knuckles nervously. It amazed me that a man so big, so muscular, could look so scared while cracking his knuckles.
“Couldn’t be Mac,” the sheriff replied, “cut’s too clean. We would at least see some sort of tearin’ in her muscles if it was a saw.” Applejack paused to sip her coffee, it had gone cold by now but it was the only solusos she had at the moment. “Plus, it looks like her spine was just... Pulled apart. See?” The boss pointed to the only vertebrate sticking out of the poor girl’s neck, and she was right. It looked like it was pulled free of the next disk, like how you’ld pull a Lego block off of another one. It was clean, smooth, and the slice through the neck was just like AJ had said.
I exhaled a small cloud of smoke just above Twilight’s silk, purple and violet hair. “The cut almost looks like it was made with a butcher knife. Not to mention, when we found it it had... Well, it was covered with cake icing.”
“You’re already thinking it too, ain’t ya Colt?” AJ asked, her arms crossed with a cold look on her face. “A copycat.” I nodded, which caused Applejack to sigh. The sheriff closed her eyes like she was praying to Luna for a good night’s sleep, a sleep that wouldn’t come anytime soon. “Ah’ve got no idea why anyone would want to bring these types of killin’s back into my town, but Ah’m not gonna let’em just waltz in here like a cat with a fresh bass. Mac!” AJ turned, just as Big Macintosh bolted up from his seat, “Get Diamond Tiara down here now, we need to know who was on Miss Spoon’s shit list. Twi, ya’ll go home. Colt’ll walk with ya, and Ah don’t wana here to ifs, ands, or buts about it. Ah’m catchin’ this son of a bitch before anyone else ends up like... Like Silver did.”
All I could do was nod, I didn’t want to leave my superior in that state but I wasn’t going to go against her. Mostly because, frankly she scared the crap out of me at this moment.
***
“Sorry about what happened back there,” Twilight said softly as we walked down the main street of Ponyville. “Applejack gets like that when she feels like her friends are threatened... Especially after what happened with, well you know.”
I smiled at her, “It’s ok, after my Canterlot training I’m used to other officers taking things a little personal.”
“A little personal?” The scholar said with a quick laugh, “Yeah, this is a ‘little’ personal.” Twilight looked off into the sky as we walked past the memorial wall that stood over the ruins of SugarCube Corner, not that I blame her. The farmer’s market was in full bloom that Sunday, the smell of vegetables, fruits, and flowers filled the air as we walked down the main street of Ponyville. I looked off to the side at one of the booths selling flowers... I wish I hadn’t. My mind suddenly filled with memories of a pink haired girl with a huge smile covering her face, the warmth of her hugs as she put her arms around me... The deep red color of the blood that stained the pink dress she wore when Wool and I found her. Images of the hundreds of skulls that lined the basement of SugarCube Corner pounded at my brain, I could hear the voices of each of those poor souls screaming at me.
“Let us free!” they called, their bleach white jaws unmoving as I shook. “Let us free!” Suddenly, the warm sunny day turned into a swirling black night sky with no stars. The stalls and road turned into a nearly pitch black basement, filled with inflated organs and dripping gore from the walls. I turned to Twilight, hoping this was all some sort of sick dream I was having... In place of the purple clothed scholar was a rainbow haired woman in a pair of cyan jogging pants. She was topless in every sense of the word, the skin on her chest and stomach torn away to reveal throbbing, bleeding muscle. Patches of bright green pus oozed out of deep cuts along her chest, and when she smiled a river of black blood flowed from her mouth like a waterfall.
“Are you ok?” the disgusting form of a half dead Rainbow Dash asked. My breathing was getting ragged and tight, my lungs felt like they were clamping shut as I watched the barely alive woman take a step towards me. Then, it all stopped. My breathing slowed and I could see the bright blue sky of Ponyville once more.
“Colt!” Twilight called, her voice echoing in my head, “Oh god, Colt are you ok?” I turned to face the worried scholar, my hand in hers as she looked deep into my eyes. Her own eyes were filled with fear and worry.
“I... I’m fine Twilight,” I said, lying, “Just a bad dream or something.” I looked around, and suddenly realized we were at the library. I was laying on Twilight’s bed with her on one side, and Spike on the other. Even if the kid hated me, he looked just as worried as his mentor.
“You almost passed out once we got onto Main Street,” the librarian continued, “You’re lucky that I could teleport us to the library in time. What happened?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to scare Twilight or her student, “Nothing... Like I said, it was just some bad dream or something.” I stood and walked down the stair, Twilight following me as Spike just stared at the two of us.
“Maybe you should sit down for a bit, I’ve got some tea in the kitchen that my friend Zecora made. It usually helps calm me down, so maybe-”
“Twilight,” I turned to face the girl, my voice a little gruffer than needed, “I’m fine. I’m just gonna head back to the station and help AJ with the interrogation. I promise I’ll be ok.”
“Colt...” that was the last word I heard from Twilight for a while. I closed the door on her and took a back alley back to the station. My head felt like a swarm of angry parasprites where devouring it in a frenzy, but I couldn’t let her know that. I felt like it would only hurt her more... For a detective, I’m a bit stupid when it comes to dealing with people. That was always Wool’s department, and since my old partner was gone it seemed like I couldn’t handle victims or friends to save my life. I stepped into the precinct doors, hoping that Twilight would forgive me somehow.
For the time being, I needed to stop this killer before any other people died.
***
As soon as I got to the interrogation room, Big Mac handed me a hot cup of coffee. I took a sip, and it felt like all my troubles has melted away with it’s sweet blend of bitter, black liquid and pure, fresh from the cow milk. “I didn’t know you could make a good cup of joe.” I said out loud, not meaning it to sound like an insult.
He didn’t take it as one, and the farmer/cop smiled slightly. “Just because Ah don’t touch the stuff, doesn’t mean Ah can’t make it for my sisters every so often.”
“True.” I added, my eyes now focused on the one way mirror that closed the interrogation room proper off from the observation room. Inside, Applejack was sitting across from Diamond Tiara. The younger woman was still wearing the short dress from the night before, my guess was that she went out to party after her father had forced her to come to the burning ruins of his store. Tiara glared at the sheriff, but AJ just seemed to shrug it off as she looked through the file her, Mac, and the CSI’s made for Silver Spoon’s case.
“So,” Applejack finally said, breaking the silence like a hammer through a pane of glass, “you expect me to believe that ya’ll don’t know anybody who would want ta burn down your daddy’s store?”
“Yes, I do.” Diamond spat back, her eyes an unbreaking glare, “You’re the sheriff, aren’t you supposed to be interrogating a witness or some-. Wait... You don’t think-”
“Don’t think what?” the sheriff asked, “Ah don’t think you’re tellin’ us the whole truth Tiara. Ah think you know who would do this, and Ah think you might’ve helped them.”
“Why the hell would I do that?!”
“Because of who died in that fire!” AJ slammed the file onto the table in front of the young woman and flung it open. Inside the file where coroner's reports, pictures of the scene, and a blown up picture of Silver Spoon’s head covered in cake icing in the pink SugarCube Corner box.
Mac and I could see Diamond Tiara’s eyes grow wide in fear, her hands trembling as she picked up the photo. “S... Silver...” she said softly, tears falling from her eyes as she sobbed silently. I had seen at least three cases of pure shock on a witness’ face befor this point, but it looked nothing like this. What Diamond Tiara was feeling at this point was pure sorrow, and that I had only seen once. It was six years ago, during the investigation into Case File # 9876650. I was interrogating someone very close to the last of Pinkamena’s victims, a Miss FLuttershy. I could see the sorrow of that day creep into the poor woman’s soul then, but I had never seen it like this. “... What do you want to know?” Tiara said, her voice as emotionless as it would be when she ordered a soda.
“Who had a grudge against Silver Spoon?” my superior asked.
“You already know their names...”
“Well then, re-educate me.”
It seemed like that was the straw that broke Tiara’s back. The young woman stood, her face inches from Applejack’s as she screamed her answer, “Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and motherfucking Scootaloo! The Cutie Mark Crusaders!” I turned to Macintosh to ask him what a cutie mark was, but his face... I didn’t need to spend a lot of time with Big Mac to see that he was a calm man, I could see that from last night’s drive to the scene. Even when he was frantically telling me about when had happened to Applejack that night, his eyes were clear and calm. Not to mention his driving was smooth, steady, like a man on his way to work. Now, however, Big Macintosh was gritting his teeth, his fists were balled up tight, and his eyes were set in a glare of pure hatred at the young woman yelling at his sister.
Sheriff Applejack stood, and calmly placed a pair of cuffs on Diamond Tiara’s wrists. I learned later that AJ had picked Diamond up on an underaged drinking charge, but I knew that wasn’t why Mac looked like he was ready to kill the girl. As my boss took Tiara to her cell, I could only make out one short, hate filled sentence that Mac whispered under his breath. “Ah’ll be damned if Ah let that little bitch talk about my sister that way again...”
Royalveil stared out the window of the train car his superior had called The Canyon. He had heard the story about Officer Caramel and ‘Queen’ Chrysalis so many times that he had lost count, and now there he was in the very car the story happened in. The veteran Canterlot officer sighed as his gaze moved to his left, at the rookie the commissioner had given him to work with. She was a good looking scholar girl, fresh out of Celestia’s school, apparently second in her class for defensive magic. But magic ain’t everything. Royalveil thought to himself.
“Hey, Royal?” the rookie asked, her hands clutching the yellow book tied to her hip. “Who is this prisoner anyway?”
“You honestly don’t know?” the older officer said with a laugh. Across from the two was a shackled prisoner, bound in a black straight jacket with her head covered in a hood. “That’s the crazy chick from Ponyville who cut up all those people, and turned them into cupcakes.”
“It wasn’t just cupcakes...” Pinkamena said calmly, as if she were on a long, boring car ride. Royalveil took advantage of her speaking by hitting her across the arm with his baton.
“Don’t fucking talk bitch!” the veteran officer said. Pinkamena just sat there, silent as a mouse in a church courtyard.
“You shouldn’t do that Royal,” the rookie scolded, “what if the chief finds out?”
“Like he’ll care. Listen rookie, we’re taking this dumb bitch to the Appleoosan Sanitarium, right?” Royalveil asked, his voice gruff and hardened as most older officers voices were.
“Yeah...”
“When have you ever heard of a prisoner goin’ there and gettin’ a good treatment. She’s lucky I don’t bend her over and hit her little ass like her daddy did!”
“My father didn’t beat me like that.” Pinkamena said, her head still hidden by the hood.
“I said shut up!” Royal lunged at his prisoner, one hand on his baton and the other grasping the bound woman’s throat. The older officer squeezed hard, biting his lip as a slight bulge began to form in his pants. After years of being a guard at the Dodge City women's correctional facility, Royalveil had gotten a sort of fetish for choking women... Especially helpless prisoners that he knew no one gave two shits about. Royal turned to his new partner and smiled, “You tell anyone about this rookie, and I’ll cut your neck wide open.” The older guard raised his weapon high, ready to bring it down on the hooded woman’s head hard.
However, Royal’s hand never moved from that position. Somehow, the hooded woman had gotten loose from her bonds, and her long, unkempt fingernails dug deep into the older guard’s neck. Slowly, blood began to drip out of Royalveil’s wounds and onto the black hood of Pinkamena Diane Pie. In some twisted way, Royalveil knew that this was always how it was going to end. Killed by a woman , he thought, how fucking ironic... Pinkamena’s nails then met each other as she ripped through the now dead officer’s throat, tearing it out like it was some growth on a piece of fruit. A loud, wet plop echoed through the car as she dropped what was left of the late Officer Royalveil, followed closely by the sound of teeth ripping through flesh. It was a sound that the rookie officer would never forget for the rest of her short life.
Slowly, like the rise of a curtain for the second act of a play, Pinkamena raised the rest of the hood off her face. Her long, pink hair looked slightly disheveled; however, her large, ocean blue eyes looked calm, relaxed, as if she was finishing a big meal that made her sleepy instead of part of another human’s neck. The pink haired murderer looked down at her guard and smiled wide, “Hey Trixie.”
Trixie Lulamoon could only stare at her former prisoner in fear, the muscles in the scholar’s body had seized up in terror. After a few moments, The Great and Powerful Trixie finally gained her voice back, “H...hello... Pinkie.” As the train entered a tunnel, the sounds of screams could be heard coming from the car dubbed The Canyon.
When the light of Celestia’s sun returned to the car, only one person remained inside. Shackled to a bench was Trixie Lulamoon, covered in blood and holding her scholar spellbook close to her breasts. The back door of the train car swung in the breeze, bits of black material clung to the corners. Once Trixie entered Appleoosa, she refused to talk about what had happened those few moments that she and the killer known as Pinkamena Diane Pie where alone in The Canyon car; however, she made one comment when her partner, Royalveil, was mentioned. “Lunch,” she said, over and over, “lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch...”
Pinkamena smiled to herself, the feeling of a familiar warm wind blew through her hair. She walked onto the nearly empty Main Street, her body shaking in her black asylum uniform and tattered straight jacket. Her bare feet seemed to stay warm somehow, probably the familiar dirt that was coating their soles now. The killer slowly made her way to West Street, hoping to get to Greenvale Boulevard as quickly as she could. Pinkamena rubbed her eyes as she walked into the grey colored police station, the long, blonde hair of Big Macintosh was a welcome sight to her. Before the deputy could look up, the pink haired woman hit the small bell on the main counter, getting Big Mac’s attention. The deputy stumbled back, falling clean out of his chair as his eyes gazed upon the blood caked face of Pinkamena Diane Pie.
“Hi Macy Wacky,” the smiling killer said, “could I get a room please. Oh, and tell Colty I’m here.”
Investigation Files: Lady in Pink
I stood in a place I had seen over a hundred times before, the holding cells. Ponyville was a town that had no real prison, that’s what Canterlot and Appleoosa where for, and what would a town with a population under 300 need with a jail anyway? Well, that question was answered easily with the woman sitting behind the cold, iron bars at that very moment. Pinkamena Diane Pie, one of the more famous residents of the sleepy little village, hadn’t taken her eyes off me since I entered the room. I have to admit, it unsettled me more than I let on... It was her eyes. They weren’t cruel and callous like I had always pictured them being if I ever met her again. No, these eyes were the same as they were days before the incident. Pinkamena’s has a sort of violent energy, especially when she used to go by her nickname, and it seemed that the same energy was still alive in her eyes. They may have been a bit emotionless, yes, but what could I expect after what she went through on The Canyon... Or rather, what she did to the two officers. I sighed and sipped my coffee, my back against the wall of the small room. “Pinkamena...” I said, to myself more than her.
“Yes Colty, I’m back.” the killer said, a large, murderous smile across her lips. “Miss me?”
“No really.” I answered, my eyes looking directly into hers. I wouldn’t lose the little staring contest she had silently forced me into.
“Liar.” Pinkamena almost whispered, “I can tell you missed me, just like you used to when you didn’t know my recipe. I bet you miss that, don’t you Colty? The taste of it, the smell of it, the warmth of it as you sunk your teeth into the moist parts. Remember when you first tasted my cupcakes?” I knew she was toying with me, trying to sexualize a pastry made out of human flesh and blood. However, I had to chose my words wisely... There was a reason Applejack gave the ok for me to be in here with this monster.
***
-One hour earlier-
“Nothing?” I asked, my eyes wide.
“Nope, not a damn thing.” Big Mac replied, his gaze focused on the door to the holding cells. The deputy hadn’t moved a muscle since AJ had thrown her former friend into the windowless room. “All she kept saying was a god damn nursery rhyme.”
“... Trottingham Bridge?” I asked again, but somehow I knew the answer before Macintosh nodded in confirmation. “You don’t think she did it, do you? She’s not a scholar, she had no way of contacting an accomplice in Canterlot... The only way she could’ve started that fire is if she rigged something in her room to explode-”
I heard the killer stop before I saw her, the psychotic woman turned towards the three of us, her eyes on the sheriff. A small smile, much like the one she gave to me on The Canyon, crossed her lips and she made her way back to her cell. “Fine,” Pinkamena said, “but only because it’s you, AJ.”
Big Mac sighed in relief as the door to the cells closed again, “How did she-”
“It’s Pinkie Pie,” I said, emotionlessly, “being Pinkie Pie.”
“Yeah... But why did she listen to me?” Applejack asked out loud, her eyes moving from the door to her gun. I’m still not sure what AJ was thinking at the time, but I’ve come to realize that she cares more about this town then she cares about herself. As that thought crossed my mind, I stood up and put my hand on my superior’s shoulder. She looked back at me, and I smiled warmly.
“What do you need me to do boss?” I asked.
***
“... And here we are.” I said, finishing my retelling of the past hour to Pinkamena. I had taken a seat in a wood framed chair across from the killer’s cell, my eyes still on her... Still untrusting.
“So that’s it? You just came in here to ask me how I started the fire at the Canterlot Asylum? That’s a bit dull, don’t you think Colty Wolty.” Pinkamena faked a yawn just to try and push my buttons, it didn’t work. She glared at me after I failed to take her bait, but somehow she eyes still held that... energy. “You know, Colty. A person’s eyes can tell you a lot about someone... Do you want to know what I can tell just by looking into your peepers?”
“Sure.” I had to keep her confidence up, she couldn’t know... Could she?
“I see a liar, and a sad man. A man that feels like his life is pointless unless he’s catching bad guys.” Pinkamena took a strand of her long, cotton candy pink hair in her fingers and played with it absent mindedly. Like a girl in high school would do when she was talking to a boy she liked, “And he feels that way because he missed something. He feels like he missed something he needed, something he wanted a long... Long time ago. Something...” she paused and stood, a single finger trailed down her body and stopped right above the space between her legs, “that’s right in front of him.” I kept my eyes on her, afraid that with her next move she’d somehow teleport from the bars and cut my neck open.
“Colty,” Pinkie’s voice was a bit husky, her eyes seemed to beg for me to open the cage door and make her mine... Just like they did six years ago. “take me. Take me and I’ll you every single thing you want to know. How I got transfered to Appleloosa, how I found my way here so quickly... Even who my copycat is.” The sound of her voice was hypnotic, and I soon found myself standing close enough to the bars to where the pink haired seductress could reach out and rub my cheek with her hand. My body felt warm and far away, like a... Like a cupcake.
“No,” I said, backing away from the bars. Pinkamena’s hand slipping from my cheek as I came to my senses, “I think we can figure that out on our own.” I turned from the cell, the insane woman’s eyes burning hole in the back of my head. I think it surprised her when I turned around and asked her one more question. “By the way, how did you know about the copycat?”
This only made Pinkamena’s smile creep back onto her face, “Oh silly Colty, an old friend told me about it. I guess I might as well tell you why I’m here too, since you’ll find out sooner or later.” she leaned in close, her cheek pressed against the bars as she blushed, “I missed you, and I don’t want you getting hurt going after this faker.”
I chuckled to myself, “You know... I think I believe you Pinkie.”
That’s when it all turned bad again, just like it did on the train. Pinkamena’s eyes seemed to get dark, and that violent energy left them fast. Her hand gripped the bars so tight that I was afraid they would leave marks in her palms, but the worst part of all was her hair. I hadn’t noticed the whole time she and I were talking, but the dim light of the holding cells seemed to cause her dark pink hair to take on a more blood red shade. It was almost as if someone had slammed an ax into her head, and the blood from the wound had dripped down her face. “You... Don’t get... To call me that, Colty. Only my friends... Only AJ and Twilight and Rarity and Fluttershy and Rain... Rain...” she paused and her body shook, as if she were silently sobbing... I knew better though. I knew it was just a mistake that her mind had made. She was still feeling some form of guilt, maybe not from the other victims, but definitely from Rainbow Dash. With her head down, Pinkamena Diane Pie said only one more thing to me that day. “Get the hell out of my room.”
The trees of the Everfree Forest rustled violently in the wind, small branches fell off the taller plants and landed with a loud crack on the grassy ground below. As quiet as a mouse, the new cupcake killer slithered through the dense woods as she made her way to a familiar clearing. In the small meadow was a hut-like cabin, large Badlands tribal masks hung outside the hut as a warning to any who would mean harm to the inhabitant. However, it didn’t care about the warnings, after all the hut’s owner was a close friend to the copycat. As the new killer approached, the smells of herbs and various strange brews wafted from the thatched roof hut. Inside, Zecora Zebara stood over a large cauldron and added a few apple seeds to a large batch of purple elixir. The tight, grey dress the witch doctor wore clung to her body like a woman’s wet hair, her black cloak draped over a chair behind her.
The dark skinned woman didn't need to turn to feel the presents of her old friend, “Hello my friend, you look well I see.” Zecora said, her thick accent like music to the new cupcake killer, “What business do you have with me?”
“I need the usual, Zecora.” it said, taking a few steps closer to her ally. The smell of violets and jasmine filled the copycat’s nose as it kissed the witch doctor’s neck softly, it’s teeth biting just hard enough to leave marks. Zecora shivered at her friend’s touch, her peach starting to moisten as it always did when the new killer visited.
“T...This must stop, you know it too...” the dark skinned woman moaned softly as she turned, allowing the copycat to rip the top of her dress down to reveal her dark breasts. “I don’t want you to die-”
“Shhhh...” The new killer cooed, then its tongue flicked Zecora’s hardened nipple. “Just let me finish Pinkie’s job, and then it’ll just be you and me.” Zecora nodded and went to her cot near the edge of the room, stripping down before laying on it with her legs open.
“It must ask one thing, something important I need to tell... This time, please don’t be gentle.” the witch doctor closed her eyes and waited, the sounds of plastic rubbing against wood echoed in her ears until she felt something hard ramming into her body.
The new killer leaned in close, its lips almost kissing Zecora’s ear, as it whispered, “Don’t worry... I Pinkie Promise to be very, very rough.” Those where the last words Zecora Zebara heard before her neck was slashed open by a butcher knife. The new killer just smiled as the dying woman stared into its eyes, “You did always have a sweet pie baby, I just have to share it with the whole town.”
