A Comedy of Terrors

Before a large crowd of ponies, among other creatures, a large wooden stage had been set up. It stood proudly before Town Hall, with a massive, velvet red curtain hiding everything save a podium, the mayor of Ponyville, and the regal Princess Celestia, swamped up to her flank in royal guards. The gray mare cleared her throat, before holding up a long, scripted speech to read from.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, stallions and ma- GAAACK!" The mayor coughed and sputtered, her face growing red as she pointed at the phlegm lodged in her throat. An aide rushed over to her with a glass of water, which she grabbed and quickly downed. She coughed, offered the aide a raspy "thank you" and returning to her speech.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, stallions and mares, Earth ponies, unicorns, pegasi, Crystal ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and you there, Mr. Diamond Dog in the back... where was I?"

The diplomat fluttered the parchment around in her hooves, trying to find her spot. She then grinned, and poked a certain spot on the page.

"Ah. Here we are. Anyway, today we celebrate the kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty, honesty and wonderful magic that six incredible mares, and one fantastic dragon, have brought to our fair nation. Through the years, they have done much more than fell beasts and save empires. They have brought our world together through the magic of friendship, truly summoning Harmony throughout the land."

The crowd cheered, throwing confetti and shouting praise. Celestia took the microphone from the mayor.

"But that's enough hearing about our heroes, let's show them to you." She smiled to her subjects. She gently nudged a royal guard with a back hoof, and he nearly fell, struggling to regain his balance. He waddled over to the edge of the wooden beams holding up the curtain, and bit down on a rope that dangled from it. The guard pulled the rope continuously away from the stage until the curtains opened.

First into the audience view was Rarity. She had aged well, though not nearly as much as Applejack or Pinkie. The roots of her mane were touched with silver, but her hair still held all of its lustrous violet shine. She grinned, waving a hoof to the gathered audience and holding out the Element of Generosity for them to see.

Applejack was revealed next. Continued farm work into her twilight years had kept her faithful and stronghue, and her coat and mane were still their original, if not faded, hue. The only wrinkles about her were stress lines from many an unimpressed look at Spike and her younger sister. The mare adjusted her brown stetson, nodding to the crowd with a curt little smile.

The curtain lifted away from Fluttershy, who was shivering and hiding herself with a spread wing. She peeked out through the feathers, eyes wide with shock at how much size and diversity the audience held. She shuddered and tried to pull the curtain back over her. The stress of raising her foal, as well as being the honorary auntie of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo's foals, had effectively silvered her mane to great extent.

When Rainbow Dash was revealed, a cheer exploded from the pegasus population of the attendance. The mare beamed as she held the Element of Loyalty above her head, bowing to her fans as imaginary roses scattered all around her. Though her coat was slightly duller than it had been thirty years ago, her mane was lustrous and full. That, of course, was the work of premier stylists. Though she kept it secret, she'd been frosty white for thirteen years.

Pinkie Pie's appearance was graced with a kazoo blast from who-knows-where. She beamed with a smile of unhealthy proportions, looking like she was about to explode with joy or pull a party cannon from nowhere. And though it was true that all of the Elements were still the best friends from thirty years past, only Pinkie Pie still kept all of the innocent, joyous and above all, party-tastic glimmer of youth.

Spike and Twilight were the last to be shown, and when they did, a massive cheer rose out of control from the audience. Most notably the Crystal ponies and Canterlot citizens, with the entire plaza going into overjoyed hysterics. The two held each other close as a brother and sister would, smiling and waving to those who cheered for them. Twilight adjusted her reading glasses, and closed her eyes for a moment with happiness.

When the excitement died down, Celestia once again took the microphone.

"These good friends have done more for Equestria and its allies than any other, including Starswirl the Bearded, the trio of Smart Cookie, Clover the Clever and Private Pansy, or even my very self. They have brought Harmony to the world, and protected it for the benefit of us and our loved ones. Today will mark the ending of the third decade of their protection, of restored harmony and love. And to assure that our children and their children and generations evermore will remember these wonderful gifts, I, and my council of royals, have decided to immortalize them now and forever."

There was a short silence, and Celestia pointed behind the crowd. The audience turned around, and the same guard pony who'd worked the curtain shuffled out to a large, circular park, where something was covered by a white sheet. He placed a hoof on the sheet and pulled it down, revealing a large, ornate stone statue of the six friends from their youth thirty years ago, each with the Elements donned. Between them, a young Spike grinned, holding the Crystal Heart over his head.

The audience clapped and lightly cheered as the guard shuffled back out of sight.

"Now," Celestia continued, "I believe that we have a lovely speech prepared by Mayor Diploma."

The mayor grinned. "That we do, princess!" The mayor pulled out a comically sized parchment from the podium, the audience split as it unraveled it kissed the ground, each looking on as the note rolled past them and finally bumping up against a fountain nearly thirty yards off. Rainbow Dash looked to Spike with an unimpressed glaze, and the dragon shrugged and shook his head back.

While Spike and Rainbow Dash mocked gagging, Celestia moved behind the mayor.

"Let's make our leave," she whispered to the rest of the ponies on stage.

The heroes followed her off, with her guards trailing closely behind. Unfortunately for the audience, they left them with the mayor and her terribly long speech.

~ ~ ~

Celestia had previously arranged for Ravioli's Diner to be emptied out, and empty it was. Tended by a few royal chefs and servants as well as Mr. Ravioli himself, the place was perfect for Celestia's little gathering. She, the Elements, Spike, Cadence, and the Apple family sat at a large, round table in the center of the restaurant, their orders being prepared for the evening.

"Little Candied Apple, I haven't seen you in years!" She said in an attempt to break the silence. The filly sat in a chair between her parents, sipping apple juice and shrinking in her chair.

The princess rolled her eyes with a wry smile. "She's definitely your daughter, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy wrapped a wing around her child with a sheepish grin.

Applejack returned from the washroom and sat down, turning to Celestia. "So, princess, y'all're sure that everypony's gonna be okay with us skippin' out on that last ceremony?"

Celestia laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, Applejack, if I had a nickel for every time I left a ceremony like that, Blueblood would live in a mansion made of coins." The princess paused, thinking over what she just said. "Actually I'd probably give Cadence a mansion made of coins. Blueblood has enough undeserved coins already.

"I say, I'll drink to that!" Rarity downed a glass of cider.

"Well, you're the princess and all, I suppose. An' this is a pretty nice place."

Being finished with her roll, Applejack set down her fork. Just then, the kitchen door swung open and a rather round looking unicorn sporting a fabulous mustache trotted out, carrying steaming plates and bowls in his auric grip.

"Here's-a your orders!" He said with a Neightalian accent, placing all the orders in front of the proper ponies.

"Thank you, Mr., er..." Celestia struggled to remember his name.

"It's-a me, Mario!" He said in an effort to jog her memory.

"Ah, yes, Mario Ravioli!" She smiled, passing him five bits. "Thank you for your trouble."

Ravioli winked and trotted back into the kitchen.

Twilight studied the noodles on her plate, shoveling them up with her fork and attempting to lift them, only to have them fall back onto her plate. She twisted them around the utensil to lift, but they slid off again. Flustered, she looked around to see that nopony was looking, and quickly put her face down to her plate and began slurping them up.

She rubbed her belly, licked the remaining tomato sauce off her lips and opened her eyes. When she did, was greeted with stares from everypony else at the table, ranging from Big Macintosh's awkward awe to Rainbow Dash's smug smirk.

Twilight swallowed the food, wiped her mouth and excused herself to the restroom.

~ ~ ~

Near the royal castle in Canterlot, there was a large, fenced mansion. Though it was a large estate, which are usually quite attractive, the home was atypical in that it could make any interior designer faint.

The lawn outside was prickly, yellow, and choked with weeds. The exterior of the house was cracked and covered in vines, the paint faded, and many of the roof's shingles littered the lawn. Inside, there was broken furniture, smashed windows, trash strewn about the floor, and never any lights on.

The owner of the home paced slowly and without purpose around the cellar, occasionally taking a swig from a bottle of cider that floated next to him.

He looked in a state even worse than the house. His gray mane was out of control and nearly fell to his shoulders. He had a long, unkempt beard and his eyes had dark, puffy circles around them. The cutie mark on his flank was beyond irony: a compass rose of gold and royal violet. No one could tell you what it meant.

Because Prince Blueblood had lost his direction.

Yes, ever since that filthy small-town mare stuck him up at the gala so many years ago, nopony would so much as speak to him with anything but contempt. Nopony would see him as anything more than Celestia's spoiled little nephew. Every time he would go outside he'd be met with scornful looks.

Today, he found a way to change all that. News had reached his ears that the Discord statue, as well as one Princess Luna, had gone missing. Of course there were rumors that it was thievery and kidnapping or the like, but Blueblood knew what had really happened. He knew that Discord would one day escape from the bonds of stone to wreak havoc. And he would bet his bottom dollar that today was that day.

The only question was what he'd do about it. Here he was, pacing around his basement with no idea what to do. On one hoof, he could watch the downfall of the ponies who had betrayed him, laughing as the world fades to black. On the other, he could chase Discord, capture him, and become a hero.

"Hero..." he whispered. He liked the sound of that. The corners of the hermit's lips turned up in a grin as he imagined redemption, recognition, and adoration by the Equestrian public. He began walking up and out of his cellar, when he did something he never thought he'd do again.

He sung.

"I am a failure...

yes, I digress, I surely am.

I've become the laughing stock of royalty."

The bedraggled prince walked up the stairs, and flipped the light switch.

"Though it's suicidal,

I have composed a simple plan.

I have got an idea,"

He opened the door and trotted out to his front gate, which he swung open.

"To stop this chaotic span!"

He accented the last line by standing on his back hooves as he sang.

"And while there's no sense plotting to stop baddies this quick,

I'll get lots of honors and a shower of bits!

And when the day is all done,

and I've had all my fun,

they'll say I was a really great guy!

Ponies looked on in awe as the hermetic prince skipped down the street.

"My name's Blueblood; I'll be the guy!"

"I'm not evil; I am a cool guy!"

"They'll remember me as a nice guy!"

"And believe me I am a great guy!"

"I'm the guy!"

"Still alive!"

As the prince joyously skipped off on his holy crusade, a rather young colt gazed with one raised eyebrow.

"What was that all about?"

~ ~ ~

Nightmare Moon rubbed her shadowy, flat ears in an attempt to drown Discord's nonsense out. After nearly two hours of singing, the draconequus apparently ran out of rhymes and switched to whistling and strumming the pan. The shadow was about to snap at him again, but all she could muster was a squeaky gasp.

"Discord!" She whispered. Discord turned around to face her. He had clearly had his eyes shut the whole time.

"What?" He asked. The shadow pointed a hoof, and though it was distorted over the log and Luna's body, Discord could see that she was pointing straight ahead. He too found himself full of worry at what he saw. The sparkling Pegasus city of Las Pegasus.

Now, if you were a tourist or a stockholder, you would not be fearful of what the two were seeing. In recent years of Equestrian development, the city had grown fairly large, and had been fitted with thicker clouds and a few elevator-type dealies to allow unicorn and Earth pony visitors to enter.

However, if you were an impossibly ancient enemy to all that is good and right showing up with a kidnapped princess, her malevolent shadow and not enough chaos magic to defend yourself from two tough-looking pegasus guards, you would feel significantly different about approaching the city on your tree-boat.

"Alright, alright... we can make this work..." Discord's eyes shifted around to find something he could use to his advantage. He began plucking leaves from the tree as it drifted ever closer to Las Pegasus. He then held them up and used his slim reservoir of chaos magic to fuse them together and turn them red. He placed the leaf hat on his head, clearly proud of his disguise.

"Excuse me, genius, what about me?" Nightmare Moon scowled. Discord summoned a large suitcase and stuffed the sleeping princess, and her shadow, in it.

"Are you comfortable in there, shadow puppet?"

From inside the suitcase, Nightmare Moon's angry response sounded like "muuuuh fuuuh wuuuh!"

Discord steered the tree over to the riverbank, and summoned up a garish flowered shirt to finish his disguise. He carried the briefcase up the hill, onto the paved brick road beneath Las Pegasus, and in front of the guards that blocked their entry into the city.

The two brawny pegasi glared conspicuously up at Discord's gnarled face, and one held up a clipboard, which Discord could see marked with infamous Equestrian enemies. He looked at him, and then the picture on the clipboard, and then to his partner, and then back to Discord, and then shrugged.

"Name?" The pegasus on the right asked.

"Di- uh... Dennis."

"Gender?"

"Female!" Nightmare Moon shouted through a hole in the case.

The guards were incredibly startled by this. The one on the left pointed at his suitcase. "Did that bag just talk?"

"No! It was me. I am a mare. Yes indeedy." Discord returned as Nightmare Moon smiled.

"Alright... species?"

"Uni... pega... Earth pony. I'm an Earth pony!" Discord was losing his cool. He glanced behind the guards, seeing a closed off area with tourists entering hot-air balloons, being activated by unicorn employees packing incendiary spells. He looked back down at the guard, who was scribbling all of his information from his name to his bright red hair to his gender on a clipboard.

"Hometown?"

"Ponyville." Discord immediately regretted letting that word slip out, and clasped his talon claw over his mouth.

"Alright, you may go. Enjoy your time in Las Pegasus!" The guard said with a smile as he and his partner opened the gate.

"They're not buying it! Run!" Nightmare Moon screamed with a grin.

"AAAAH!" Discord screamed shortly after. He ran through the gate, swiped the guard's clipboard, and tumbled into a rather large hot air balloon. The unicorn, wrapped in a Las Pegasus Foreman uniform, inside the balloon found himself backed against the wall with wide eyes. Discord stood up and stared him down, clutching the clipboard.

"Take this thing up! Start the fire thing!" He pointed at the fireplace with his paw, and out of terror the foreman started a blazing, controlled fire which lifted the balloon off the ground and high into the sky.

"Alright, so how do I fly this thing?" Discord asked him.

"Oh, it's really quite simple actually. You see these little propellers here? Well, their analog is over here, so if you want to go left you press the left one, and if you want to go right, press the right. If you just want to go forward faster, press both of them."

"Thanks."

"It's no problem, but you're wel- WAAAGH!" The employee was caught off guard as he was sent tumbling into the water hundreds of feet below.

"DENNIS!" The guards shook their hooves at the balloon as it flew away. One ran into the transmission room, and dialed up the Cloudsdale Police Department.

"Yeah, Cloudsdale? This is Magnum of the Las Pegasus Guard. Send scouts all over Equestria in search of an Earth pony mare by the name of Dennis, with defining traits being a striking red mane!"

"Copy that, Las Pegasus." The radio fizzled.

~ ~ ~

It was evening, and Celestia was in a bed in Twilight's library. Four royal guards all stared at the door at the same time as she lied down to rest.

She was glad that she organized this ceremony, as it had given her the first opportunity she'd had in many years to just let her mane down and relax. She wouldn't admit it, but a break from her hectic life in Canterlot was an ulterior motive for planning this little event. And she intended to leave Luna in charge for a few more days until she was ready to go home, her little sister could handle herself.

She was aware that in a month or so she'd have to return to signing forms and going to debates, but she didn't have to worry about that just yet.

Celestia smiled to herself as she snuggled in under the quilted covers and went to sleep.