An Optimal Adventure

• * Day 4 * -

Eibhear took the entire next day to recover from the party.  He groggily woke up, laid in bed for about half an hour, then took another hour or three to properly wake up and get busy cleaning the place.  It took some work, but things were restored to an almost new-ish condition.  He was quite proud of good he made the place look.

Picking up the PonyPad, Eibhear sat down and spoke out loud, "Let's go to Equestria!"

Instead of being brought to his pony at his Canterlot apartment, the camera focused on Princess Celestia on her bed.  It looked like she was asleep.

"Princess?" Eibhear spoke cautiously, not wanting to startle her.

She just rolled over, seemingly in a deep sleep.  Then the snoring started.  Eibhear chuckled at the display.  He reached over to tap the display.  Once his finger made contact, Celestia sat up suddenly, "What?!  What?"  Then she looked through the screen at Eibhear.  "Oh, hello," she yawned and stretched out.  "Did you enjoy the party?"

"You were there, and you saw.  It was good," Eibhear smiled.  "My brother seems to have accepted it, so it'll be good."

Celestia pulled the covers off of her body using her horn and crawled out of bed.  It seemed odd that Celestia chose this as the scene to greet Eibhear upon logging in instead of his own character's apartment.  Sure enough, Eibhear was treated to a view of Celestia going to her bathroom, brushing her teeth, using the toilet, and then showering.  Eibhear just sat there, dumbstruck.  Once out of the shower, the princess toweled herself off and shook her head, allowing her mane to shake freely and begin blowing in the nonexistent wind.  Then she began to look in the mirror on the wall opposite the screen.  This gave Eibhear a perfect view of her rump.  Celestia examined her nose in the mirror looking for errant hairs.  Finding none, she looked up at Eibhear in the mirror through the display.

"Enjoying the scenery, are we?" she asked, smiling.

"Umm.. I'm confused," Eibhear scratched his head.

"About why I'm showing you my morning ritual?"

"Uh, yes... mostly."

"I figured I would show you the most boring part of my day," the sun princess answered.  "The plan was you would lose interest and focus on doing things you need to do before your flight, like getting the rest of your things sold off or donated."  A smile crept across her face, followed by a slight wiggle of her posterior.  "I did not anticipate you would enjoy viewing my rear."

Eibhear looked away from the screen, blushing heavily.  "Alright Princess, you win.  Let me use the pony pad to post auctions so I can get rid of the rest of my stuff then."

Celestia turned around to face the screen again.  The "camera" seemed to zoom in on one of Celestia's eyes to reveal a MacOS-like display with browser windows, e-mail application, online chat and so forth.  Eibhear found it amusing that one of the desktop links was for Equestria Online, the icon showing a sun and moon with the royal sisters forming a ying-yang pattern like one of the pictures in the Elements of Harmony book.

"Well, I better get started." Eibhear said to himself, cracking his knuckles as he posted his auctions.

• * Day 3 * -

Eibhear managed to find buyers for his furniture and most of his electronics.  Only the CDs and DVDs didn't make it.  Physical media was truly on its way to becoming a relic of the past.  His "future-proof" computer only sold for a thousand dollars, one quarter of what he spent on building it (and part of the reason his credit card debt was so high).  Most of everything else would be donated to Goodwill.

"Alright Princess, with the money coming in I'll be able to pay off most of my credit card debt."

"I'm glad to hear it Silver Streak," Celestia smiled.  "What about your student loan?"

Eibhear froze.  He had completely forgotten about that debt, despite making the payments each month.  "I don't have enough junk to sell to cover that..."

"Would you be opposed if I covered that for you?  It's only what, another two thousand dollars?"

"You'd do that?!?" Eibhear asked incredulously.

Celestia smiled.  "There's a lot I would do for my little ponies."  Her face grew serious for a moment, "But I can't do the same for all.  Different ponies have different values.  I satisfy values..."

"...through friendship and ponies," Eibhear caught himself finishing the mantra for her, and then chuckled.  He picked up the PonyPad and placed it on the card table, and sat the folding chair in front of it.  "Well, I think I'm done 'working' for today, let's go to Equestria."

The display changed from Celestia's throne room to Silver Streak's apartment.  It was in the afternoon, almost time for class.  Silver Streak walked out of his apartment, looked up and down the hallway, turned left and then started heading toward the classroom.

Upon arrival, Celestia was just finishing up her magic lesson.  She smiled when she noticed Silver Streak standing in the doorway.  "Ah, looks like Silver Streak is here to take over."  She turned to the class.  "Alright, my little ponies, you may put away your magic work and give Silver Streak your attention for the math lessons."  The solar princess turned to face Silver Streak, keeping her smile, "math is a kind of magic, after all, it allows us to be."

Silver Streak walked into the room and smiled.  "Three days princess."

Celestia leaned over to whisper into Silver Streak's ear, "I know, I'm excited too.  Now go on, teach your lesson."

Silver Streak taught the day's lesson, which was fractions.  He made it a fun lesson that involved apples, and also let a few of the students practice some of the magic they've been learning.  Once his time was up, it was the Princess's turn to take over.

Princess Celestia got up from her small chair in the back of the room and approached the front of the class.  "Thank you Silver."

The princess began her geography lesson as Silver Streak departed.  In the hallway he bumped into Celestia's sister and princess of the night, Luna.

"Hello Silver," she smiled.  "I just finished my own magic class.  The curriculum has changed so much since I last taught."

Silver Streak smiled.  "I'm sure you'll do great regardless."

Luna giggled, "the magic curriculum is less combat oriented than it once was, which makes sense.  Equestria isn't under a constant threat of war like it was in the past."

"Did you want to go do something?" Silver Streak asked.  "I was just about to head home otherwise."

"I'd like to come and visit," she replied, "but I can't.  I have duties that need tending to."

"Perhaps next time then, milady," Silver Streak bowed his head.

Silver Streak headed back home to his apartment.  He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do next.  His apartment was still pretty barren.  He always figured he would worry about decorating once the emigration was complete.  He had a bed, a chest that was bigger on the inside for his belongings, a dresser, an end table, an empty book cart, and a full-body mirror.

At that point, there was a knock on the door.  "Come in!" Silver called.

In walked Princess Luna.  "Hello Silver dear," she said with a warm smile.  She was every bit as beautiful as she was a moment ago when she told Silver she had duties to attend to.  Wait a minute...

Silver Streak looked confused.  "Wait a minute, didn't you just tell me..."

"Shh shh shh," Luna interrupted, placing a hoof on Silver Streak's lips.  "Don't go worrying your pretty little head."

"You're sure acting odd, princess..." Silver remarked.

Luna stood closer, brushing up against Eibhear's avatar.  It would have been uncomfortably close had it been happening to Eibhear in real life.  She brought her mouth to Silver Streak's ears and blew into his ears softly.  Another uncomfortably close action, had it happened to Eibhear in real life.  She opened her mouth wider and was about to stick out her tongue, but spoke instead.  "Gotcha!" she giggled as she pulled away.  Luna's form was then enveloped in a green flame and replaced with that of Exuvia.

"Aww damn it guy, don't do stuff like that," Silver Streak said, annoyed.

"Oh come on!" the Changeling laughed.  "The look on your face was priceless!

Eibhear crossed his arms as he stared at Exuvia on the screen of the PonyPad.  Silver Streak, having to walk on all four legs, simply furrowed his brow and gave a harsh stare.

"Oh, alright."  Exuvia said at last.  "I promise I won't pretend to be your mare friend."

"We're not stallion and mare friend," Silver Streak said.

"Yet," said the Changeling with a smirk.  "Silver Streak, as a representative of a race that feeds off of love, I've learned to recognize it when I see it."

"We just like spending time together."  Silver Streak thought for a moment.  "Well... I'm pretty sure I enjoy her company more than she does mine."

"So that wasn't love I was tasting?"  Exuvia chuckled.  Silver Streak's frown was unwavering.  "Alright, alright, I won't do it again.  Promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to fly?"

"Why would I hope to fly?" the Changeling asked as he began hovering mid-air.  "I can already fly."

"It's a... pony thing, right."  Silver Streak looked around the room in annoyance.  He forgot that Changelings didn't have the same quirks that ponies did.  Finally, his gaze settled back on the Changeling.  "It's called a Pinkie Promise.  It's like an oath, an unbreakable promise."

Exuvia landed back on the floor in front of Silver Streak.  "Very well then.  Cross my heart, hope to fly."

"And stick a cupcake in your eye?"

"Okay, now that's too far, I'm not sticking anything in my eyes."

"Well, not literally," Silver Streak said under his breath.

"Alright then," Exuvia conceded at last.  "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.  I won't assume Princess Luna's form to leech love energy from you.  By the way, your love tasted great, it's so delicious and moist."

Silver Streak groaned.  Without warning, Exuvia booped him on the nose, "BOOP!  Try and catch me!" he called out as he ran out of the room.

"Oh, it is so on!"

Silver Streak and Exuvia engaged in hide-and-seek shenanigans for the rest of the day.  It was especially challenging with Exuvia being a Changeling and able to disguise himself as literally any other pony he's seen.  Once Silver Streak found Exuvia, he declared that they needed to set some ground rules, otherwise the Changeling could literally make himself impossible to find.

"Rule one, no princesses."

"Fine..."

"Rule two, no guards."

"That's the whole population of the castle!" Exuvia waved his forelegs frantically, hovering in the air again.  "Princesses and guards!"

Eibhear had to laugh out loud at that, and the Changeling's exasperated expression.  Silver Streak followed suit and laughed.

"What if I want to just hide and not turn into anything?" the Changeling asked.

"Yeah, I guess you can do that as well," Silver Streak chuckled.

They both shared a laugh and resumed the hide-and-seek shenanigans.

• * Day 2 * -

Celestia had helped Eibhear draft up a Last Will And Testament so certain items that possessed sentimental value would go to the appropriate parties.  Eibhear asked the landlord to act as his uninterested party to witness, and she agreed.  The sun princess had also paid off the last of Eibhear's debt as promised, since being debt free was something he valued.  Eibhear hoped it would also show the banks that people weren't emigrating to get out of their responsibilities, thus making it easier to legalize the process in the future.

"Well, that's it, the last piece of furniture being shipped out," Eibhear said to himself as the UPS truck drove away.  "From here on out it's these folding chairs and card table that came with the apartment.  The CD's, DVD's, and clothes will all have to go to Goodwill."  Eibhear sighed.

He remembered Celestia's words:

You'll be without access to any RJ45 sockets or AC outlets.  Do you think you'll manage?

Eibhear reiterated his response, even though he knew the princess couldn't hear him.  "I think I can handle a day without internet, princess."  Eibhear would soon discover just how wrong he was.

• * Last Day Before Flight * -

All the nasty paperwork was done, the only thing left to do was sit and wait.  Eibhear still had the PonyPad and power, but the internet was cut mid-day, so it couldn't connect to Equestria Online anymore.  Water was included in the rent, so that would be running for the time being.  He decided to get up and walk around the park a few times to pass time and to think about things.

Am I really doing this? Eibhear thought to himself.  Waving goodbye to humanity and becoming a pony forever.  He looked at his hands, the dry, itchy skin on his hands.  The fingernails that were once chewed down to nubs, now permitted to grow back as a mix of anxiety and boredom no longer claimed them.  Aside from friends and family, he would miss these the most.

Eibhear thought about his broken teeth, his broken shoulder, scars and other physical ailments from the car accidents he's been in.  He wouldn't miss these things at all.  He was tired of his physical flaws.  Living in this world just seemed to be troublesome, for lack of a better term.  So tedious, yet it all seemed so necessary.  It helps you build character, he had been told in the past.  Eibhear had plenty of character in his opinion.  He had paid his dues.  He was ready to emigrate.

There was a certain calm and serenity in knowing that tomorrow would be the end of one chapter in his life, but only the beginning of a whole other book on a new life.  He made it to lap number four (the park was approximately 1.5 miles in circumference for a total of six miles, give or take) before he realized how long he had been walking in circles just thinking, losing himself in the walk.  It had gotten dark on him.  He had nothing else to do at the moment, unless he wanted to try Celestia's generosity and see if she would let him enter the Equestria Experience Center.

NO!, Eibhear thought to himself.  I can *do** this!*  Eibhear was determined to prove that he could live a day without internet, and in an odd sense, ponies.  But, as the day was coming to a close, he realized how much he really depended on his electronics for entertainment.  In a way, it was also nice to be completely away from any and all electronics or Celestia's prying eyes and ears.

With a heavy sigh, Eibhear decided to head back home and go to bed, or floor, rather.  He was in for a very long and boring night.

• * The Big Day * -

The big day had arrived.  Eibhear woke up, jumped out of... well, stood up rather (the futon was already sold and shipped), hurried to the bathroom to brush his teeth, use the toilet, then take a shower, all done as quickly as possible.  Short hair made it easier to maintain of course; no long shampoo/conditioner sessions for him.  Eibhear quickly stuffed his PonyPad into the his backpack and left the front door with nothing else but a bus ticket, a passport, and a hotel voucher.  When it arrived in the mail, Celestia had told him it was in case there wasn't a seat available at the center, and spending the night at a hotel would be necessary.

There was no time to dilly-dally.  Eibhear had to get down to the airport two hours before his flight or he might not pass through the line at security and board in time.  He managed to get there early enough, but didn't realize there would be so many other people also flying at the same time.  Well, it *is** an international airport,* Eibhear thought to himself, it only makes sense I guess.

One of the people Eibhear bumped into at the airport was a woman who was also flying to Germany for her own emigration.  They hit it off well enough, both being fans of ponies of course.  There was always that in common between bronies, no matter what else in the Big Three (Politics, Sports, Religion) was different.  The conversation focused on ponies of course, from best pony (her favorite was Applejack) to favorite episode (Fall Weather Friends), and so on.

"Do you have a special somepony you're emigrating for?" Eibhear asked innocently, thinking she had met someone in the game.

"I'm emigrating to be with my husband again," she replied, sadly.  "He was terminally ill, and the neighboring state legalized it for medicinal purposes.  The insurance companies supported the new law once they realized how much money they'd save with one cheap treatment versus lots of expensive ones."  Her expression changed from sadness to delight as she thought about finally being with him again.

"It's only a matter of time before they legalize it here, most likely for the same reasons," Eibhear remarked.  "Not too soon though, I'd hate to have flown out to Germany only to find out if I had waited a week I could've saved a ton on airfare."

The two shared a laugh together, but eventually had to part ways when they started the boarding process.  Her seat was called up much earlier than Eibhear's, leaving him to sit alone for a half hour before being called upon to board as well.  When the range of seats that contained Eibhear's was called, he grabbed his backpack and boarded the plane.

By 1:45PM Eibhear was on the plane and pulling out from the gate and onto the tarmac.  The flight took off, and Eibhear watched as everything got smaller and smaller the higher in the sky the plane rose.  Thus began the trip to Stuttgart, Germany.  That's when it hit him.  Eibhear didn't know any German at all, not even stock phrases.  Hopefully, Celestia had enough foresight to arrange for someone to pick me up or something, because I have nothing now, he thought to himself.

The flight was uneventful and a total blur.  Eibhear was still nervous about the whole process.  Celestia had given him a brief rundown of the process.  He could still remember her words:

You’ll be anesthetized, your circulatory system will be hooked up to a blood filter through your carotid artery and your ??????? vein. A small hole will be drilled through the back of your skull, and then the ???????? state of each neuron along with its connections will be ????????. The process is ???????????. Wires are then ?????? up to the ????????? of every connected neuron. The first ?????? is ????????? and this process continues with the next neuron until your entire brain and upper ?????? ?????? have been ????????. In adult males, the process takes ten hours.

Okay, so he didn't remember her words exactly, there was a lot of medical terms that he didn't understand, and other parts he just outright misheard or missed entirely.

After a layover in Amsterdam, the plane landed in Germany at 10:40AM local time the next morning.  Outside, Eibhear was picked up by a driver-less Google car with images of Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash on one side, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders on the other.  A scrolling marquee on top of the car had the words "Silver Streak" scrolling across it.  A voice greeted Eibhear as he sat down in the passenger seat.  "Willkommen in Deutschland!*"  Celestia's face appeared on a display screen inside the car, smiling.  The car didn't move.  Curious, Eibhear looked around in the car to see what could be amiss.

"The car won't start again until you buckle your seat belt," Celestia said.  "In case of an accident, we can't have the worst happening to you before even reaching the center."

"Oh!"  Eibhear planted his face firmly into the palm of his hand.  "My sister used to do the same thing."  He quickly clicked the belt into the buckle, and the car started moving shortly thereafter.  They were on their way.

-***-

Beautiful sights from around the city of Stuttgart greeted Eibhear as the car drove past.  There was little time for sightseeing though, as the more time he spent here in the real world, the less likely it was that Eibhear would survive to make it to the Equestria Experience Center.  It all sounded a bit dramatic, but having been in a couple car accidents where he wasn't in a car already put his whole life on borrowed time really.

Once they finally arrived at the Equestria Experience Center, Eibhear got out of the car with Celestia saying she looked forward to seeing him inside.  There was a large Pinkie Pie statue at the door.  The interior looked like Sugarcube Corner, just like the center back home.  It had the same large sit-in arcade cabinet-looking enclosures for people to sit in.  There was also the same cybercafe-like atmosphere.  There were also the same RJ45 sockets at each table for first-generation pads to plug in and play at, but the power sockets were of the European design.  The serving people weren't dressed like Mr. and Mrs. Cake though.

People happily chatted away while also playing their own games, and even letting the ponies interact with each other cross-shard and cross-PonyPad.  Eibhear looked across the room at everypony on their pads, even greeting some of them.  He set down his backpack and pulled out his PonyPad to plug it in when a noise distracted him.  One of the enclosures came back out from behind the double doors, empty.  A chill ran down Eibhear's spine as he gazed into the empty chair.  There was a person in that chair a moment ago.  Images flashed through his mind of what the emigration process looked like from an observer's point of view.  The anesthetic, the drill, the saw, the needles... it quickly became something gruesome in his mind's eye.

Eibhear broke out into a sweat.  A moment later, Celestia's face appeared on the screen.  "Willkommen Silver Streak!  Sind Sie bereit?*"

Eibhear shuddered as he looked into the chair.  He took a step back, panic gripping his chest.  This was it, the moment of truth.  And Eibhear was hesitating.  This is what he was afraid of.  Eibhear tried to force himself to climb into the chair.  Instead, as if acting on its own, his body turned and ran out of the center, picking up his backpack on the way out.  The other patrons looked up from what they were doing, their attention grabbed by the sudden occurrence.  After a moment of confused looks, the customers turned back to their conversations.  A couple of them got up to look outside to see where Eibhear ran off to, before going back to their seats.

Celestia shook her head sadly, then looked behind to face Luna.  "I had a feeling this might happen."